Chapter 18

Disclaimer: The Harry Potter world obviously belongs to JK Rowling and not me. Obviously.

… … … …

Leila lay in bed staring up at the emerald bed hangings above her. September 3rd, she thought. Only 2 days in to the school year from hell. Like Harry, Hogwarts and school had always been a safe place for Leila. School had been the place where she had felt at home more than any other place in the world. School was the place where she was actually good at something whether it be academics, music, or Quidditch. School was the place where she was surrounded by people she trusted and loved, to make up for the crummy people of the world. But now that had all changed. School was a nightmare, a nightmare which she was facing alone. She wasn't sure how much longer she would be able to put up with this nightmare. She wanted a way out of it. A quick, easy, and somewhat painless way to escape this nightmare.

She wanted her brother, Ron, and Hermione, that was, if they still even wanted her. With almost the entire Wizarding world buying into the lies of the Daily Prophet, it wouldn't surprise her too much if Harry, Ron, and Hermione bought into them as well. She hoped they didn't, but it wouldn't surprise her. Nothing seemed to be going right for her since that night on the Astronomy tower. Her longing for Fred had dwindled, because from Ginny's reaction, she was sure that he believed the rumors of her and Draco. No, her heart didn't long for Fred. It longed for what they once were and that was impossible to have again. With everything that had happened, she knew better than to yearn for love. Love was pointless and would only bring her more grief than she needed. What she wanted was a way out.

Her thoughts then turned to those she had loved and lost: her mother, her father, Cedric, Sirius…People she would give almost anything to see again. Never actually getting a chance to know her mother or father made her heart ache. They were supposed to be here, to protect her from the dangers of this world. What would they tell her now, if they could? But only in death would she finally get a chance to meet them. Cedric, once her dear friend and crush, had been taken from this world far too soon. He deserved to live a full life, but maybe dying when he did was for the best. He didn't have to go through all these Dark times. Sure, he had been killed by Wormtail at the direction of Voldemort, which was a terrifying way to die, but he didn't have to live in fear. Sirius, the man who was a second godfather to her, deserved to live a life with his name cleared. He had been wrongly accused of betraying her parents and then killing thirteen people that he had to live his life in hiding. But, a cleared name wouldn't do him much good at the moment anyways. No, he would still probably be in hiding and not living the life he deserved. It almost seemed that the people she had lost had it better off. They didn't have to live in this horrible nightmare. They had all gotten to move on to a better place, one where Voldemort wasn't in control; a place where things were immeasurably better than even she could imagine. It made her slightly jealous that they got to be in a better place and she was stuck here in this hellish nightmare.

Getting out of her bed, her bare feet padded against the dark hardwood floor as she made her way to the window near her bed that looked out into Black Lake. She curled her knees close to her body as she placed a hand on the window. The window felt frigid to her touch, but something about the water was mesmerizing. She hated water, especially large bodies of water. Being washed away by the immensity or drowning in it scared her. It probably had something to do with an incident when she was little, four or five maybe.

~*Flashback*~

Aunt Petunia couldn't find anyone to watch her or Harry, so they had gotten dragged along to Piers Polkiss' birthday party at a beach on the ocean, which had taken hours to get to. Aunt Petunia was very upset that she and Harry had to come along, but it was either that or have Dudley miss his best friend's birthday party and the latter was unthinkable. She and Harry were given strict instructions to stay away from the party, so they were attempting to skip pebbles on the water from the pier. When out of nowhere, Piers came running down the pier and pushed Leila into the water. She screamed as she fell into the water. Trying to come up for air, she got stuck underneath a wave and was dragged out further into the ocean. She had splashed and tried to keep her head above the water, but she couldn't swim and was swallowing more water than air. She could feel her body beginning to grow weak as she was dragged under further into the water. She was terrified, because the ocean was so big. It would be impossible for anyone to find her. She tried to come up for air again, but another wave pushed her under. Suddenly a pair of arms wrapped around her. She tried to get a look at the person who grabbed her and was scared to find that the man had what looked like a bubble mask over his nose and mouth and a strange stick in his hand. She then fainted into unconsciousness. When she woke up, she was on the beach with Aunt Petunia screaming over her that she had ruined Piers birthday party and the man who had saved her was nowhere to be seen

~*End Flashback*~

So maybe her fear wasn't as irrational as she had claimed; she had almost drowned that day at the ocean. After that day, she avoided deep water as much as she possibly could. She would only go in water where she could easily see the bottom. Looking back on it now, she realized that the man who had saved her was a wizard. Dumbledore must have had people up and down the country looking out for her and Harry, but it didn't really matter now. Now, there was no one looking out for her, except herself and even she was giving up on that. Dying had almost come easily for her. How would things be different if that wizard hadn't saved her that day? One thing's for sure, she wouldn't be in this hell. A grindylow swam by the window causing Leila to gasp. Stupid creatures. She thought. How could something that could look so beautiful be so terrible?

Leila heard someone rustling their covers as she got out of bed. Tracey Davis walked past her in direction for the bathroom. When she noticed Leila, she nodded her head and Leila meekly nodded in return. Alarm clocks began to ring and soon the seventh year girls' dormitory was in full motion to prepare for round two of classes. Leila groaned, not wanting to have to continue after yesterday. Yesterday, after lunch she had attended a dreadful hour of Potions followed by an hour of Arithmancy. Draco had joined her Arithmancy class even though he had dropped it last year, but no doubt it was to keep an eye on her. Besides Draco being in every single one of her classes, one of the Carrows was also in each of her classes. When Snape said that he would take extra precautions, he meant it. She never seemed to have a moment to herself, something she actually missed about being at Malfoy Manor. There, she could at least slam the door and hide in the room that was prepared for her, but here at Hogwarts she was constantly under someone's watchful eye. Today would only bring more dread with double hours of History of Magic, Herbology, and Charms. From what she remembered, many students claimed that their last year of Hogwarts was their favorite (except those the year of Umbridge); but this year was hell and she was only two days into it. Even when Umbridge was here things weren't this terrible, well at least not this far into the year. Stubbornly, Leila decided against getting ready for the day. She just sat there silently staring out into the Black Lake.

"Leila, you need to get ready," Daphne said.

She shook her head no in response so Daphne reached for her arm, but Leila went rigid. Daphne sighed and released Leila's arm and walked out of the room, leaving her in there all alone. Then the door swung open and Draco walked in with a scowl on his face.

"Greengrass tells me that you refuse to get ready," Draco sneered.

"How did you get in here? Boys aren't allowed," Leila whispered.

"Being Head Boy has its privileges, now get ready," Draco commanded.

Looking into Draco's icy eyes, she knew that he meant business and that it was better to do what he said than to argue with him. So she stood up and dug through her trunk for a new uniform for the day. She looked at Draco and motioned for him to turn around so that she could get dressed. He rolled his eyes and turned around before walking for the door. He waited by the door impatiently for her.

"Are you ready yet?" Draco questioned.

"Almost," Leila said meekly.

She quickly buttoned-up her shirt and reached for her tie.

"I'm decent," Leila whispered.

Draco turned around again to see Leila struggling to tie her tie. He shook his head, this was only the seventh year she had to tie one and she was still having issues with it. He walked back over to her and grabbed the tie, causing Leila's eyes to widen. Without looking into those beautiful eyes, he wrapped the tie around his neck and knotted it properly for her. He then loosened it from around his neck and handed it back to Leila, who muttered her thanks before putting it on. Leila reached for her book bag and walked out of the room with Draco who muttered some spell to keep floor from changing like it did when boys usually walked on it. Leila was thankful that the common room was empty when they reached it, so they quickly walked through it and made their way through the dungeons and headed upstairs to the Great Hall. On their way to the Great Hall, they met up with Zacharias Smith and Ernie Macmillan from Hufflepuff. Leila tried to offer them a smile, as if somewhat of a peace offering, but both boys instantly scowled.

"Oi, Macmillan, the traitor's coming," Zacharias called.

"And she's with her fiancée," Ernie furthered.

"Where's the ring, Potter?" Zacharias asked.

She buried her head into Draco's chest as they walked closer to them. Draco's arm tightened around her as Zacharias continued to make lewd comments toward her. She wrapped her arms around Draco's midsection trying to avoid the Hufflepuffs. Usually Hufflepuffs were known for their loyalty, but obviously their loyalty wasn't with her. Smith walked up to them and shoved Leila, tearing her away from Draco.

"I always thought there was something off about you," Zacharias hissed at her.

"Smith, detention!" Draco shouted.

"Why should he listen to a Death Eater like you?" Ernie questioned.

"I'm Head Boy. Now drop it or you'll find yourself in detention with Smith," Draco called.

"Well, I'd…" Macmillan began.

"Don't bother with him, Macmillan. He might try to murder you too," Zacharias sneered.

"That'll be another one, Smith," Draco growled.

Zacharias Smith raised his eyebrows at Malfoy before walking away. Leila breathed a sigh as she heard the Hufflepuff boys' footsteps growing fainter.

"I'd watch your back if I was you, Potter," Zacharias Smith shouted.

"Smith!" Draco shouted back.

But Zacharias Smith had already rounded the corner of the corridor before Draco could do anymore and Leila's stomach growled.

"We should probably get to the Great Hall," Draco said.

Leila didn't really want to go down there and face the Hogwarts student body. She was already having enough issues with them that she didn't want to start anymore; but Draco again wrapped his arm around her waist to lead her downstairs. Leila purposely avoided any eye contact with anyone that they passed out of fear of another scene being caused. Once inside the Great Hall, Leila removed Draco's arm from around her and headed for the Slytherin table. She sat by Daphne, who was chatting with Theodore Nott. Nott was grinning from ear to ear across from them proudly showing-off his Quidditch captain badge. Leila's heart sunk, that badge really should be hers or Draco's. They were the ones with the most experience on the team, while Theo had only been a substitute last year.

"This year should be Slytherin's year, I meant I was completely surprised when Snape asked me to be captain," Theo said.

"Theo, not now," Daphne chided.

"C'mon Daphne, I mean I thought that Leila would be captain too, but given the circumstances the job went to the best person," Theo said.

Circumstances? Thought Leila. True, she was without her Firebolt or even her Nimbus 2001; but that probably wasn't the reason she wasn't made Quidditch captain. Theo looked at her apprehensively before handing her a piece of parchment. She unrolled the parchment and found the reason she wasn't made captain. The parchment read:

Leila M. Potter is hereby banned from the game of Quidditch until further investigation.

Signed,

Amycus Carrow, Deputy Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry

Now they were taking away Quidditch from her? She crumpled the paper in her hand trying to keep her emotions in check. She didn't want to look weak and pathetic in front of all of Hogwarts.

"Leila, are you all right?" Daphne asked.

Leila nodded her head, but truth was, she wasn't all right. Quidditch could have been the one thing that made her life feel normal. That sense of being in flight and allowing the wind to whip through her hair always exhilarated her. But now, she wasn't allowed to do so. You'd think with all the defensive strategies in place: Death Eaters and dementors, they could have figured out a way for her have remained on the Quidditch team. It almost seemed stupid that she was so upset about Quidditch, but this made her feel more alone than ever.

"If it makes you feel better, Draco was banned as well," Daphne whispered.

Leila bit her bottom lip in frustration and realized that for once, Draco wasn't seated beside her. She looked down the table to find him seated beside Crabbe and Astoria Greengrass. Astoria flashed him a smile and gently placed her hand on his arm. What did Astoria think she was doing? Draco was engaged to her! Or at least he supposedly was according to the Daily Prophet. She really shouldn't be feeling this way. Hell, only last week she had told Draco that Astoria would make a nice pure-blood wife for him and that he should pursue her. But that didn't stop that feeling from burning in her stomach. That feeling also made her feel like she needed to vomit; but she knew that she hadn't eaten much yesterday and that food was a necessity for her body so she reached for a piece of toast and began to nibble on it. Suddenly, Ginny Weasley appeared with a scowl on her face. She threw down a copy of the Daily Prophet on Leila's plate.

"Looks like you got what you wanted," Ginny growled.

"I—I," Leila stuttered.

"Can't believe you'd do this to your own brother. He'd never do this to you," Ginny spat.

"Ginny!" Neville called from the Gryffindor table.

"I'm coming, Neville!" Ginny yelled.

Ginny narrowed her eyes at Leila.

"I hope that you rot in hell," Ginny hissed.

Leila looked down at the insert facing up at her from the Daily Prophet.

Undesirable No. 1: Harry Potter

Contact the Ministry of Magic immediately if you have any information concerning his whereabouts. Failure to report will result in imprisonment. Reward 10,000 Galleons on his head.

Without touching any more of her food, Leila stood up and walked down the aisle, heading for the door. In her peripheral vision, she could see Draco standing up to follow her.

"Leila!" Draco called after her.

She was into the corridor before Draco finally caught up with her. Draco grabbed her arm causing her to jerk back.

"Leila, where do you think you're going?" Draco asked.

Leila stood frozen in place. This day kept getting worse and everyone hated her. No one believed her or knew what she was going through. She was trapped in hell with no hopes of getting out. Her bottom lip began to quiver as tears silently slipped from her eyes. Draco noticed Leila standing there trying to hold it back and he wrapped his arm around her. She pressed herself into him as the tears began to flow down her cheeks. Draco held Leila as she cried in his arms. He rested his chin on her head and sighed. As much pain as he knew Leila to be in, he had wanted to hold her in his arms for so long. It was as if his arms had been aching for this sort of closeness between the two of them. He hated seeing Leila broken and knew that the only reason she was leaning on him was because she was so broken; but a selfish part of him loved this. When Leila's tears subsided, she roughly wiped her tears away with her sleeve and backed away from Draco.

"Sorry," Leila muttered.

"It's fine,' Draco said.

"We should go to class," Leila sniffled.

Draco looked at her quizzically before sighing and nodding his head. He walked with her to Professor Binns' classroom for History of Magic. Like last year, she and Draco were the only students in the class. For once Leila was thankful that it was only him in the class. He didn't glare at her through the class period and history didn't involve the use of a wand. This was about the only class where things seemed somewhat normal. Binns' droned on through his lecture, which was a double period, and never in her life had she been so glad to be bored to death. This class was the best part of her day because all the other double class periods included whispers and glares directed at her. When she walked into her double period of Herbology, students were gathered around copies of the Daily Prophet. Not wanting anything to do with a paper that spread lies about her she ignored all the glares and sat with Draco near the back of the greenhouse. After a grueling double period of potions was lunch. Wanting to avoid another scene like breakfast, Draco suggested that they eat sandwiches in Snape's office. Snape grudgingly complied with the request and sent for sandwiches to be brought up for the pair. Leila took a bite out of one of the sandwiches when a knock came at the door. Snape growled something under his breath before walking from his desk to the door. He opened the door to find Amycus Carrow holding Neville Longbottom by his collar quickly followed by Professor McGonagall. These two were constantly at odds with each other, or so it seemed.

"What is the meaning of this?" Snape growled.

"This boy interfered with my punishment of a first year," Amycus spat.

"Mister Longbottom was simply protecting the young boy from harm. If that spell had hit him he surely would have ended up in the hospital wing," McGonagall argued.

"Serves him right! He needs to learn his place! As does this one," Amycus said.

Amycus pushed Neville toward Snape. Leila briefly locked glances with Neville when Draco came through the door.

"We'll take care of this outside," Snape drawled.

Leila looked to Draco with a look of worry in her eyes. What was going to happen to Neville? Surely he wasn't going to be punished for defending a first year. Under Dumbledore, such heroics would have been rewarded, not condemned. She looked back at Neville once more, who nodded his head at her before turning around to face Snape once more. Draco the shut the door behind them and Leila's eyes instantly snapped toward him.

"What's going to happen to him?" Leila whispered.

"Dunno, but the Carrows are in charge of discipline. He's pissed because McGonagall stepped over her bounds," Draco answered.

"But she's…" Leila began.

"Not anymore. Carrow is Deputy Headmaster. I'm surprised McGonagall even stayed," Draco said.

Leila nodded her head in response. Why had McGonagall stayed? It was quite obvious that McGonagall wasn't a supporter of Voldemort, but here she was at Hogwarts and not in hiding. She could hear raised voices coming from outside between Carrow and McGonagall obviously disagreeing on a punishment. Snape opened the door to his office and looked at Draco.

"Mister Malfoy, I'd like to see you outside for a moment," Snape drawled.

Draco left the room and Leila wandered it walking from portrait to portrait. She stopped in front of Dumbledore's and frowned.

"Why?" Leila questioned.

But Dumbledore sat in his portrait sleeping. It was as if she wasn't important enough anymore. The man she had looked to as her mentor was nothing more than a sleeping imbecile in a portrait. Why couldn't he help her?

"Why?" Leila shouted.

"I'll give you something to cry about!" the portrait of Phineas Nigellus shouted.

Leila turned around and narrowed her eyes at the portrait which had kept her in a dismal state since her days at Malfoy Manor.

"I don't want to talk to you," Leila muttered.

"So you don't want to hear that your brother has left Grimmauld Place?" Phineas questioned.

"Harry left? Where is he?" Leila asked.

"So now, you're interested? But I think you already know the answer to that," Phineas smirked.

Leila gasped as she fell backward onto Snape's desk. Harry had left to meet his demise at Malfoy Manor! Tears again began to stream down Leila's face. He was going to die and it was all her fault. If she hadn't walked away from the party to be with Fred, she would still be with her brother. They would all be safe at Grimmauld Place and figuring out the Horcruxes together. Her dreams had misled her. It wasn't Harry Voldemort had wanted, it was her. What reason was there for living knowing that her brother met his fate because of her? Draco and Snape burst back into the room and Leila collapsed in a heap onto the floor. Draco rushed to her aid, but Leila pushed him away as she curled her knees to her chest. The only place she would ever see Harry again was probably in death.

"Leila, c'mon we need to go to class," Draco whispered.

"I don't want to go to class," Leila shouted.

"Leila, settle down," Draco said.

"I can't! It's my fault! It's all my fault!" Leila shouted.

Leila began to scream and thrash on the floor, knocking objects from Snape's desk and causing them to break on the wood floor. Draco looked at her with concern in his eyes and worry. She just wouldn't stop. Snape's eyes also widened at the tantrum Leila was throwing.

"Professor, what do we do?" Draco asked.

Snape pulled out his wand and pointed it at Leila. He performed a Petrificus Totallus, spell causing Leila to freeze in place into a crumpled heap.

"Tell Madam Pomfrey to have a Calming Draught ready," Snape commanded Draco.

Draco nodded his head and ran out of Snape's office in direction for the hospital wing. Snape bent over and brushed a piece of Leila's hair out of her face. What would Lily think if she could see them? He was trying his best to keep Leila safe and alive, but Leila's spirit was crumbling fast. Even he was beginning to lose some hope in Dumbledore's plan. He roughly grabbed the frozen girl in his arms and carried her down to the hospital wing. He could have easily levitated her, but he felt he owed it to Lily to do things this way. When he walked into the hospital wing, Madam Pomfrey was waiting with a Calming Draught, standing beside Draco. Snape set her down on one of the hospital beds.

"Draco, brace her," Snape commanded.

Draco sat beside Leila on the bed holding onto her tightly as Snape released her from the spell. Leila continued to thrash as Draco held steadily on to her. Madam Pomfrey struggled to get the draught in Leila's mouth, but eventually, most of the goblet of the draught made it down Leila's throat. Within moments, Leila's body had relaxed. She looked to Professor Snape and Madam Pomfrey in somewhat of a daze. She didn't really feel like herself. She felt numb to everything, especially now that she thought about her brother's imminent death. Leila took several deep breaths as tears streamed down her face. Harry. He was going to die and there was nothing more she could do, but wait for the news.

A one-shot from Harry/Hermione/Ron finding out about Leila is posted (I didn't feel it was long enough for a chapter, but it gives you some insight). It's called "Belief"