Chapter 23
Disclaimer: The Harry Potter world obviously belongs to JK Rowling and not me. Obviously.
… … … …
Leila straightened her stance and took a few steps away from Draco. What was she supposed to say to him? She couldn't formulate the right words to say to him. While her brain attempted to process her feelings, Draco turned his back to Leila and moved once more to the railing. He gazed out onto the Hogwarts landscape, mulling over his own thoughts. Leila took a few steps closer to him and gently placed her hand on his upper arm.
"Draco," Leila whispered.
"We should probably be leaving if we want to make it to Potions class on time," Draco said.
He whipped around and swiftly walked across the deck of the Astronomy Tower in direction for the stairs. Leila stood there confused by his actions.
"Really? After what everything that's happened and you're worried about Potion's class?" Leila scoffed.
"No, but whichever Carrow is supervising his class today should be of your concern," Draco responded.
Well, if he was going to act that way, then she would reciprocate the feeling. She knew that the two of them had issues to work out, but they weren't going to be solved with Draco shutting himself off from her. She roughly picked-up her book bag at the bottom of the stairs and silently walked down the corridors with Draco. Neither teenager even cast a second glance at each other, so when they arrived at the Potions' classroom, Leila walked away from Draco to sit at a table with Daphne. Daphne looked surprised by Leila's actions but when she looked up at Draco, who sat across from her and Leila, she could tell something was weighing on him. He wouldn't even look at Leila and Leila wouldn't even look at him. They also acted this way in Arithmancy, even though they were forced to sit right beside each other. After classes, they made their usual trek to the headmaster's office, where they normally worked on homework until dinner.
Snape was sitting in his office when Draco and Leila walked in. Leila instantly walked for the desk she had frequented since the beginning of the term, while Draco walked over to the sullen headmaster. He no doubt was informing Snape of her condition, but Leila ignored them and pulled out her Transfiguration book. But her thoughts weren't focused on Transfiguration, rather her thoughts wandered to her brother. There had to be something that she could do to help him. She didn't come back just to sit around and wait for Voldemort kill her brother. There had to be something she could do from the inside to bring him down. Only this time, she wasn't going to let Voldemort get to her. She was her own person and didn't need to be defined by Harry nor Draco. She was Leila Potter.
Her gaze wandered around the room when the ruby handle of the Sword of Gryffindor glinted at her. That sword belonged to Harry. It didn't belong here with Snape and the Death Eaters. It was willed to her brother by Dumbledore himself. Maybe she could figure out a way to get the sword to Harry; even as unlikely as it seemed; but the sword needed to be removed from the clutches of those whom it didn't belong. As Draco and Snape talked, she mentally ticked off ideas of getting a hold of the sword in her head. She was Head Girl, so she had plenty of access to Snape's office, but the more she thought of it, the more it seemed like a task for more than one person. After becoming frustrated with her plans, she turned her attention back to her Transfiguration homework. She had much to catch-up on. Even though she had been out of classes for quite some time, McGonagall hadn't lightened the homework load any. Luckily, school came quite easy to her. Well, except the new classes, Dark Arts and Muggle Studies; but she didn't really care about these classes or if she flunked them.
Leila was thankful when it was time to go to dinner. The silence in the room with Snape and Draco in the room was awkward. Draco looked at his feet as he walked Leila down to the Great Hall. Leila just ignored him. The situation was already awkward, so why not make it more awkward by not speaking to each other? This situation made her upset, but she could tell by the look on Draco's face that he was only going along with this because he didn't know what to do. Upon entering the Great Hall, Leila quickly walked away from Draco and sat beside Daphne who sat with her sister at the Slytherin table. Once again she noticed Draco's downtrodden face and looked to Leila.
"What's wrong with the two of you?" Daphne asked.
"I remember," Leila retorted.
"You mean that you remember everything?" Daphne questioned.
"That is what I said," Leila commented.
Daphne shut her mouth and nodded. Now she really hadn't a clue where she stood with Leila. She wanted things to go back to normal, but it was too late for that; too much had changed. Draco sat down across from Leila. He looked to her before turning his attention to his food. His attention was so focused on his plate that he didn't even notice Astoria helplessly trying to engage him in conversation.
"Draco," Astoria whined.
"Will you shut it?" Leila hissed.
"Just because you think…" Astoria began.
"What I think isn't really any of your concern; but from what I remember, you already attempted to snog my fiancé once. Judging from the looks of things right now he's a little more interested in his food than either of us. So please, for the love of Merlin, shut up," Leila snapped.
Astoria tried once more to get Draco's attention. He looked up to Leila and made eye contact before returning his attention back to his food. With a pouty look on her face, Astoria stomped out of the Great Hall. Leila breathed a sigh of relief and took a bite of food. When she swallowed her food she looked to Daphne.
"Your sister is bloody annoying sometimes," Leila whispered.
"Mother spoils her," Daphne commented.
"I remember that too," Leila said.
Daphne sighed before Theodore Nott tapped her on the shoulder. She looked back at him as he nodded his head toward the doors as he mouthed Potions.
"I'll see you later," Daphne said.
"I would assume as much since we share a dormitory," Leila said sarcastically.
Daphne patted Leila's shoulder and looked to Draco, who was glaring at Theo. The two boys who used to consider each other equal, now somewhat enemies because of Leila. Daphne grabbed Theo by the arm and dragged him out of the Great Hall. Leila looked at Draco. It was just the two of them at their part of the Slytherin table. She might as well talk to him, seeing as she was going to be stuck with him for most of the foreseeable future.
"We don't have a Potions assignment," Leila said lightly.
"So?" Draco muttered.
"Are they…you know, together?" Leila asked.
"Dunno. Haven't been paying much attention to what's going on around here since…" Draco began.
"Well either way, I'm happy for them," Leila said.
"You are?" Draco questioned.
"It would be one less thing for me to worry about," Leila answered.
"Oh," Draco said.
Leila could tell that he was somewhat disappointed by her answer as he pushed around the crumbs on his plate. What more was he expecting from her? But rather than get into an argument with him over something pointless and in front of everyone, she kept her mouth closed for a moment before speaking again.
"It's been a long day, can we go back to the common room?" Leila asked.
"If that's what you want," Draco answered.
"It is," Leila whispered.
Draco nodded his head and stood up from the table. Leila too stood up from the table and began to walk toward the doors, where she met up with Draco. Silently, they walked down into the dungeons for the Slytherin dungeon. He said the password into the common room and waited for Leila to walk in first. She walked in and straight for the dormitories. She was almost there when she was intercepted by Blaise.
"Damnit," Leila muttered.
"I've just heard the good news! You remember me," Blaise smirked.
He wrapped his arms around Leila, who stood as rigid as a stone.
"Let. Go." Leila hissed.
"You're probably right. Wouldn't want the fiancé after me," Blaise chuckled.
"Since when have you cared what Draco thought?" Leila questioned.
"See, you do remember!" Blaise said.
Blaise released Leila as she rubbed at her arms to get the feeling of Blaise off her.
"Who told you?" Leila asked.
"Little Greengrass came in here crying her eyes out. I tried to console her, but you know how she feels about Malfoy," Blaise answered.
"The same way Parkinson does," Leila said rolling her eyes.
"Luckily for you, Malfoy has eyes only for you," Blaise smirked.
"I don't really care who he has eyes for," Leila commented.
"Clearly," Blaise said sarcastically, obviously not amused.
"If you'll excuse me, it's been a long day," Leila said.
"Of course," Blaise said with a slight bow.
Leila rolled her eyes and shoved past Blaise. She walked to her dormitory and instantly went to bed to end this long day. Leila awoke the next morning with a headache as she slowly dressed for classes. As she walked into the Great Hall for breakfast she could tell that between Blaise and Astoria, the entire Hogwarts body was now aware of what had happened with her. So many different rumors swirled about her and hardly any of them were true. Some of these people could spin a rumor as well as Rita Skeeter could, with only a piece of truth and the rest rubbish. But Leila ignored them as she headed for the Slytherin table.
Tracey Davis offered her a seat beside her, which she accepted. Leila poured herself a bowl of Pixie Puffs. As she ate, she listened to all the rumors about her. It seemed the only ones not talking about her were the Slytherins she sat with. As Leila took a bit of cereal, she looked up at the staff table and noticed Professor McGonagall watching her intently. The older professor gently nodded her head and turned to talk to Professor Sprout. For a moment, Leila thought she had made the whole exchange up, but it had seemed too real. Leila looked back to the staff table once more, but Professor McGonagall ignored her pleading looks.
"Leila, we have History of Magic," Draco said standing behind her.
Leila sighed and stood up to walk to class with Draco. As they exited the Great Hall, Madam Pomfrey could be heard in a heated discussion with Professor Snape.
"She should have been brought straight to me!" Madam Pomfrey hissed.
"Miss Potter seems to be doing fine," Professor Snape drawled.
"Seems fine? When have you ever recovered from temporary memory loss? You probably still have yours," Madam Pomfrey spat.
"Return to the hospital wing, Pomfrey, or I will be forced to take extreme measures," Snape hissed.
Footsteps could be heard stomping up the stairs as Draco reached for Leila's waist to usher her to upstairs. But Leila was quick to avoid his touch as she walked down the corridor. Sitting through a double period of History of Magic was miserable. The only excitement came during the middle of class when a trembling second year walked into the class with a note for Leila. Draco snatched the note first and read it before he handed it over to Leila. Apparently, she was requested for a meeting with the headmaster during the lunch period.
When lunch finally rolled around, Leila walked with Draco to Snape's office. When they got inside, they found Professor Snape with Professor McGonagall and Neville Longbottom. Draco stood in between Leila and Professor McGonagall as a mediator. McGonagall huffed and turned toward Snape as Neville sat slouched in a chair.
"Is this really necessary?" McGonagall asked.
Snape slightly narrowed his eyes at Professor McGonagall. Leila could easily see the tension and the power-struggle between the two colleagues; but she was once again distracted by the Sword of Gryffindor. After a stare down between the two professors, Snape dismissed Draco to wait outside the door. Draco grudgingly left the room only to look back once more at Professor McGonagall, Leila, and Longbottom. He grunted as he left the room to wait just outside.
"What is this about, Minerva?" Snape drawled.
"To put it simply, since you obviously have other matters of your persuasion to attend to, Mr. Longbottom needs a tutor in Transfiguration," Professor McGonagall said snidely.
"What does this have to do with Miss Potter?" Snape asked.
"I would like her to tutor Mr. Longbottom," Professor McGonagall replied as if the answer were obvious.
"Miss Potter isn't available. I'll see if Mr. Malfoy…" Snape began.
"Mr. Malfoy's grades slipped in Transfiguration last year and I wouldn't trust him to bring Mr. Longbottom up to speed. Seeing as Miss Granger is no longer in attendance, Miss Potter is my best option. Besides, even with Miss Granger's scores included from examinations last year, Miss Potter bested her and Mr. Malfoy," Professor McGonagall explained.
"As I seem to recall, Mr. Longbottom wasn't allowed to continue in Transfiguration last year; yet you allow him to continue this year with his class," Snape stated.
"If you're accusing me of something Snape, you might as well spit it out," Professor McGonagall retorted.
"Is this really about Miss Potter tutoring Mr. Longbottom, Minerva?" Snape asked.
"It is, but I wouldn't expect you to be capable of making such a decision on your own without running it by your precious Dark Lord," McGonagall retorted.
"You flatter me with your knowledge on all my matters," Snape drawled.
"How clumsy of me…I meant to accuse you," McGonagall said snidely.
Professor Snape and Professor McGonagall stared at each other with narrowed eyes. Leila looked over to Neville who watched the scene unfolding with an amused look on his face. If the situation hadn't seemed so serious, Leila would probably be smiling too. Normally, these two professors always had their differences, but this wasn't over a Quidditch match. This could mean life or death if Voldemort somehow got involved.
"I will allow Miss Potter to tutor Mr. Longbottom, to show that things at Hogwarts have not changed as extremely as some may claim…on one condition," Professor Snape drawled.
"And what would that be?" Professor McGonagall questioned.
"Mr. Malfoy will accompany them during these tutoring sessions, which will take place in the library during a time decided upon by myself," Snape answered.
"That sounds like three conditions to me," Professor McGonagall snipped.
"Either accept the deal or Mr. Longbottom will continue to flounder in your class, which shouldn't be anything new to him," Snape sneered.
"He needs to start tomorrow," McGonagall said through gritted teeth.
Snape curtly nodded his head and requested McGonagall and Neville to leave the office. McGonagall motioned for Neville to follow her out as Draco walked back inside. Draco looked to Snape and Leila, waiting for one of them to tell him what had happened.
"I suggest you both head to Charms class," Snape drawled.
Leila instantly turned on her heel to head for the door, while Draco staggered behind her. She quickly walked down the stone steps as Draco followed after her.
"What was that about?" Draco asked.
"So you only talk to me when you want something now?" Leila asked.
"C'mon, Leila, you know it's not like that," Draco groaned.
"Do I?" Leila asked.
She looked back at Draco and raised her eyebrows at him. He pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration to keep himself from saying something that would make her even more upset. Silently, he followed Leila until they reached the Charms classroom where she took a seat by Flora and Hestia Carrow. So he sat next to Crabbe and Goyle. He kept looking back at Leila trying to figure out how to handle the situation. Apparently, ignoring that there was a situation to begin with was the wrong thing to do. Doing that seemed to piss Leila off, something he knew was coming; but he honestly was surprised that it hadn't happened right away after she remembered. Instead she had slightly reached out to him and he had shot her down because he wasn't sure how to handle the situation. Only now did he know that the way he had chosen was wrong. He always seemed to be making the wrong decisions as far as Leila was concerned.
When class finished, Leila walked with Draco back to Snape's office, where they normally did their homework and preformed their Heads duties. After several hours, neither Draco nor Leila was hungry so they skipped dinner and headed for the Slytherin dungeon. As was per usual, Leila instantly headed for her dormitory. Leila walked into her dorm and found Daphne sitting on her bed reading. Quietly, Leila walked past her and plopped onto her own bed. Looking up from her book, Daphne turned to Leila.
"How was your day?" Daphne asked.
"Best day ever," Leila said sarcastically.
"Leila, can we talk?" Daphne questioned.
"Depends," Leila said shrugging her shoulders.
"I'm sorry…" Daphne began.
"Daphne, I've already heard this apology, twice to be exact and I honestly don't hold it against you anymore," Leila groaned.
"Thanks, but that's not what I meant. I mean I am sorry for that, but I'm sorry about that night," Daphne said.
"It wasn't your fault," Leila sighed.
"But it was. Draco trusted me to keep an eye on you. I let you go by yourself because I wanted you to know that I trusted you again," Daphne began to sniffle.
Leila sighed and walked over to Daphne's bed.
"That night was never about you. You know that, right?" Leila said.
"I think I already knew that, but you should have seen him," Daphne said.
"Who?" Leila asked.
"Draco. He looked so lost without you," Daphne answered.
"He would have survived," Leila said rolling his eyes.
"Would he, Leila? You don't see it, do you?" Daphne sniffled.
"What more do I need to see? He betrayed me and kidnapped me. This is all his damn fault," Leila hissed.
"I think you need to open your eyes," Daphne whispered.
Open your eyes. That's what her mother had said to her. Open her eyes. She had thought that she meant literally so that she would wake up from her unconscious state, but those words seemed to take on a new meaning.
"What do you mean?" Leila faultered.
"Draco's made his mistakes, but he's spent almost every minute trying to make it up to you," Daphne said.
"He's a prat," Leila muttered.
"Who was the one to make sure you were comfortable at Malfoy Manor?" Daphne asked.
"Draco," Leila said rolling his eyes.
"Who's the one constantly defending you?" Daphne asked.
"Draco," Leila muttered.
"Who has been there for you since the moment he brought you to the Manor, no matter how much it hurt him?" Daphne questioned.
"Draco! I don't see what this means!" Leila hissed.
"Why did you forgive me?" Daphne asked.
"Who says I have?" Leila retorted.
Daphne looked at Leila knowingly, which caused Leila to roll her eyes and stand-up. She paced on the floor in the space between hers and Daphne's beds.
"It just didn't matter anymore. I had other things to worry about," Leila sighed.
"I think you need to talk with Draco, honestly about things," Daphne said.
"Why, so I can forgive him? I don't think so," Leila scoffed.
"It's up to you, but I think that you need to hear Draco's side of things," Daphne sighed.
"I've already heard what he had to say," Leila said rolling her eyes.
"But did you actually listen?" Daphne asked.
"Of course I heard him," Leila hissed.
"What did he say?" Daphne asked.
"I—well—there was a lot of yelling," Leila answered.
"Please, just talk with him; but if you can't do it for him, then do it for you. I think you need to hear it not only for his sake but for yours," Daphne sighed.
"What do you know?" Leila questioned.
"Nothing, but you've always been the one Draco tells everything to, whether you wanted to hear it or not," Daphne said.
"And if I don't?" Leila asked.
"That's up to you," Daphne shrugged.
"You're making it seem like life can just go back to normal despite all the circumstances," Leila said shaking her head.
"It is what you make it,"" Daphne answered.
"Why is everyone so damn cryptic?" Leila mumbled.
"Not to persuade you either direction, but Draco was there for you during our spat," Daphne said.
"I wish I still hated you," Leila muttered.
Daphne smiled at Leila as she plopped back onto her own bed mulling over their conversation. In her heart, she knew that Daphne was right. She had promised her mother that when she came back that she would follow her heart. So even though she knew that an honest conversation with Draco was likely to end in an argument, her heart told her that she needed to talk to him. So did her conscience, sometimes she hated her moral compass. It always made her do the right thing. When she came to this realization, she looked to the clock. He was probably still awake. Leila groaned and got out of bed and walked out from her dormitory as Daphne smiled after her. Leila walked to the common room and peered in to find that Draco wasn't in there, so she walked into the boys' dormitory. Several boys gave her odd glances as she walked down the corridor, but she eventually reached the seventh year boys dormitory. Hesitantly, she reached her hand for the door and knocked. From outside the door, Leila could hear groaning and moments later Draco poked his head out the door.
"What do you need?" Draco asked.
"I—I was wondering if we could talk," Leila said.
Draco shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly and opened the door for Leila to come in. She saw Crabbe and Goyle playing some messed up version of Wizard's Chess and groaned as Draco sat down on his bed.
"I meant just you and me," Leila whispered.
"Crabbe, Goyle, leave us," Draco commanded.
Crabbe and Goyle both looked at Draco with a look of confusion of their faces; but those looks quickly turned into grins. Leila didn't like what their grins were implying, but she had to do this. She wanted answers. Leila glared at both boys as they left the room before she turned to Draco.
"You wanted to talk, so talk," Draco said.
"Erm—well," Leila stumbled on her words.
"Fine, I'll start then. What happened today with Longbottom?" Draco asked.
"I'll tell you when I feel like it. It's what you did to me, so it's only fair," Leila said.
"Oh, here we go," Draco scoffed.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Leila hissed.
"You're pissed that I didn't tell you about everything sooner. Well guess what Leila, I tried. I just didn't know how to tell you without pissing you off; but clearly I shouldn't have been concerned about that because I was going to piss you off anyway," Draco said icily.
"I didn't come here to fight," Leila said with narrowed eyes.
"No, you just came here to attack me," Draco glared.
"You started it!" Leila shouted.
"Because everything is obviously my fault," Draco hissed.
"Not everything," Leila muttered.
"Oh how comforting," Draco said sarcastically.
"What is your problem? Why are you acting like such an arse?" Leila questioned.
Draco looked at her coldly before standing up. He slowly and deliberately walked over to where Leila was standing with her arms folded across her chest. He stopped right in front of her, towering over, and looking right down at her.
"That isn't any of your concern," Draco growled.
"Don't you understand that whatever you do affects me? So I think it is my bloody concern," Leila growled back.
"You think I don't know that? You think that I don't have your best interest in mind?" Draco spat.
"Not always," Leila scoffed.
"I botched things up that night on the Astronomy Tower that night. Is that what you want to hear, Leila? I should have taken Dumbledore's offer and not a damn day goes by when I don't play that scene over in my head. Every bloody time I say yes!" Draco shouted.
"Then why didn't you?" Leila shouted back.
"You want the truth, Leila? I was scared as hell. Don't you understand that in a moment I was supposed to decide to leave everything that I had ever known?" Draco continued.
"But it was okay to force the decision on me?" Leila questioned.
"I didn't have a choice. I thought it was the only way to keep those that I love alive," Draco answered.
"So you kidnapped me to keep your parents alive?" Leila questioned.
"They were part of it, but keeping you alive was more important to me," Draco said.
"Why? We were broken up, you hated me?" Leila questioned.
"I could never hate you. Even when I didn't understand and I told myself that I hated you, it was a front. Dumbledore was right that night, my heart was then, always has been, and probably always will be with you," Draco answered.
"Draco," Leila sighed.
"Let me finish, I don't expect you to ever forgive me for what I've done," Draco said raking his hand through his hair. "I'm sorry, Leila. I'm sorry I was a terrible boyfriend. I'm sorry that I took you from everything you knew and held dear, even if it was a Weasley that made you happy. I'm sorry for the torture you've gone through at the hands of my aunt and the Dark Lord. I'm sorry you were forced into an engagement with me, probably the last person in the world you could ever love. I'm sorry that I'm too late to act sometimes. I'm sorry that things got so bad that you resorted to trying to drown yourself; but I'm not sorry I saved you. Yes, it was probably selfish because I couldn't imagine a life with you in it at all; but everything else I'm sorry for. I'm sorry that all my shortcomings seem to affect you and that I'm such a terrible person. I know that you never seem to believe my apologies are sincere; but know that I have never been sorrier in my life."
Draco sat down on his bed with his eyes focused on the floor and began to shake from the few sobs he let escape. She looked up at him and could easily read the pain in his expression. How had she spent all this time with him and not noticed his pain? Had she really been so self-absorbed?
"You must hate me for everything," Draco whispered.
Leila carefully thought about his words. She should hate him, but for some reason in her heart, she knew that she didn't. Instead, heart ached with his. She knew all-too-well, that despite the entire situation, her heart still belonged to Draco even though he thought it impossible. She hated herself for it, but she didn't come back for herself. She came back for Harry; but her heart argued that there was someone else who was lost along the way, whom she could help. Is that what her mother had been hinting at? Draco? "I love you, Leila. Don't give up on love, my sweet girl. Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres. Just open your eyes," Lily whispered. The more she thought about it, he was actually one of the few people who had been there for her since she arrived at Hogwarts. She had just brushed it aside because she thought he had to be; but looking back on it. He was always gentler with her. He stood-up for and defended her. He had hardly ever been cross to spend every waking moment with her. Not to mention that her good memories of Draco reminded her of times when she was much happier. Merlin, did she want to be happy again.
Right now, it looked like Draco was her source of happiness. For months now, she had been fighting this but it was true. If there was anyone on her side, it was Draco. Maybe she could start by being there for Draco. She certainly didn't want a relationship right now, but friendship was something she longed for. It might not be the way either was expecting, but she needed to try. She knew that the way they were going wasn't going to change anything. Things needed to change and maybe fixing things with Draco could help her to learn to solve her own problems. Besides, she couldn't just become independent right away, it was a process and she needed someone she could trust and right now it looked like he was the person she could trust the most. The more she thought about all those terrible moments with Draco, they didn't seem to matter anymore. They were in the past. She didn't feel anymore hate or malice toward him. Honestly, she had held onto those feelings for so long, that she hardly even remembered why she did. While, those memories were still engrained in her head she wasn't as bitter about them as she came off. But part of her felt that forgiving Draco would mean that she was betraying Harry, but looking at things he was just as scared and confused as she was.
"Draco, just know that I don't hate you," Leila whispered.
Without another word, Leila bent forward and squeezed Draco's hand before she left him alone in his room. She had more thinking to do, before she decided how best to move forward.