HELLO MY FAITHFULS! So, I think you guys will both like and hate this chapter. It's getting CLOSER to telling you guys what you want to know. But you'll have to figure out for yourself just HOW close ;) Don't worry. There will be a significant amount of torture that comes with this chapter. Just in case you were waiting for it :)

CLARY POV

I almost kissed Jace.

I almost kissed Jace.

I, Clarissa Adele Fray, almost kissed Jace.

Well, actually I did kiss Jace, if brushing lips counted as a kiss. Did that count as a kiss? Normally, I would be ranting to Isabelle about all this and more, but no. It just had to be her brother I almost kissed. Her not-gay brother. Just for clarification.

I groaned, flipping so that my face was in the pillow, then screamed for a sufficient amount of time. After I was done with that little fit, I buried my face deeper, wanting to scream again but controlling myself. It had been ten hours and twenty three minutes. I wasn't pathetic enough to count the seconds though. Minutes were not pathetic. They were just mildly obsessed, and mildly obsessed was better than pathetic.

Or so I told myself.

I lifted my head enough to glance at the alarm clock on my nightstand. 12:34AM. Ten hours and twenty four minutes.

Okay, minutes were pathetic too.

I grabbed my phone, resigned to the fact that I would be playing Candy Crush for the rest of the night, and pointedly not thinking about stupid Jace. Or his stupid smile. Or his stupid whiter-than-white teeth. Or his stupid lips. Or his stupid-

My eyes shifted to the date, and everything in me stopped.

That was when my world came crashing down.

JACE POV

"Good morning!" I smiled as I walked into the classroom, pulling up the seat next to Clary. She turned to me with a grin, but there was something...wrong with it. As girly as it sounded, it didn't reach her eyes. Actually, there was something wrong with her eyes too. They were almost blank, like she was here, but at the same time, she wasn't.

"Good morning." Her voice was soft, and by all counts, it sounded normal, but I knew something was wrong. Then, she turned to me, furrowing her eyebrows like I was the one who was acting out of character. But I wouldn't fall for it. I had known her for pretty much all of our lives, and this wasn't her.

"What's wrong?" I asked, hoping my voice was more caring than curious. She tilted her head to the side, but didn't say a word, "Clary-" And of course, the bell had to ring. And Mr. Starkweather always started right that second. Unlike Clary, he was the exact same. But I wasn't a quitter, and I wasn't about to give up.

"Clary-" I started again, but all she did was silently point ahead at the whiteboard. My fingers tapped on my desk seemingly of their own accord as I tried to focus on the lesson, but it was impossible. I was fidgety, but I couldn't be blamed. Clearly, there was something going on. I shouldn't be able to see it, but I did.

So like the third grader I am inside, I ripped off a piece of paper and started writing:

Clarissa, what's wrong?

I slid it discreetly onto her desk. She tossed me a quick confused look, then looked back to the front of the room. All she did was ignore it, and normally, that would piss me off, but I knew Clary wouldn't do that unless there was a good reason. I just didn't know what that reason was. And I had a feeling I wouldn't, not for a long time.

So I would wait.

The second I thought that, something inside me changed. Jace Lightwood did not wait. Jace Lightwood was relentless, and he didn't stop until he got what he wanted. He didn't take feelings into consideration, but for some reason, I did now. Well, there was a reason that I didn't quite want to know, but I did.

It was Clary.

To my surprise, the urge to backtrack, to make everything normal, wasn't there. Instead, I'd accepted that thought, even though I hadn't admitted it to myself until now. Maybe at this point, it was normal. At least, for her.

The bell suddenly rang, and it hit me that I'd been lost in my thoughts for the entire lesson, but I couldn't find it in me to care. I turned to face Clary, only to find that she'd packed up at lightning speed. By the time I'd gathered my things, she was already out the door. I didn't even have the chance to call her name.

And then something occurred to me. I may not be able to figure out what was wrong, but the least I could do was help.

I took a deep breath, shifting from foot to foot, my nerves taking over. I thought about leaving, but I couldn't. I had to go through with this. My fist raised to knock on the door, but I dropped it right before I made a sound. I could feel my palms sweating. It shouldn't be this hard. My heart shouldn't be pounding. Maybe I shouldn't have come in the first place.

Then, I remembered how Clary's eyes looked this morning, so I swallowed my fear and knocked. To my surprise, it wasn't Clary who answered the door. It was her mother. The pounding grew harder, and I went from scared to terrified. Clary's mom could be just as scary as her daughter when she was mad, and I would rather avoid that.

"Jace?" She phrased it as a question, sounding utterly baffled, even with just that one word. I couldn't blame her, because she probably hadn't been told about our friendship. To be honest, that was probably a blessing. Well, I thought it was at first.

"Hi, Ms. Fray." I smiled, hoping I didn't look as nervous as I felt. She narrowed her eyes at me, her expression far from welcoming.

"What are you doing here?" She asked, ice in her tone. I swallowed hard, no doubt looking like a deer in headlights. My mouth opened and closed as I floundered for the right words, but they weren't coming. The normally suave me had absolutely no idea what to say.

"I'm here to see Clary." I finally managed, hoping it would help. Sadly, it seemed to do the opposite, because her frown grew deeper. For a moment, she stared at me, searching my soul with her eyes. Then, she said the exact thing I didn't want to hear.

"She doesn't need you right now." Ms. Fray growled, hostility oozing from her tone, "She doesn't need someone telling her she's not good enough. She doesn't need someone telling her she's not pretty enough. She doesn't need you. I've let you off the hook far too many times, but this is crossing a line. The only reason I even tolerate you is because you're Isabelle's brother."

My jaw dropped, and I could admit that my heart was shattered. So that was what Clary's mom thought about me. All those years, that was what she'd been thinking. My gaze shifted to the ground, and I nodded. I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath, then built up the courage to look back at her.

I pulled my backpack off, opening it silently. Then, I did what I needed to do.

"Please give these to her." I murmured softly, starting to pull things out, "I brought some chocolates. Her favorite." I handed the box to Ms. Fray. Her brow furrowed, and her shock was clear, "Here's her Sherlock DVDs she left at the house." I handed that over, "Here are her fuzzy socks that she also left." Handed that to her. Then, I took a deep breath, pulling out the final thing. I stared at the stuffed bear in my hands, complete with a military uniform.

"This is Sergeant Cuddles." I didn't lift my eyes, squeezing the bear tighter, "She's been having nightmares, and she needs something to hold. I don't know what she dreams about, but I know she needs something to snuggle, something to make her feel safe. Tell her that Sergeant Cuddles is a strong soldier, and he'll protect her through the night."

I finally looked up, and what I saw shocked me. Ms. Fray was staring at me, a hand over her mouth. But that wasn't the biggest thing. That was the fact that there was a single tear rolling silently down her cheek. I opened my mouth, having no idea what to say. Luckily I was saved by someone else.

"Let him in." Luke said softly, and I couldn't believe my eyes when she stepped to the side. After a second of hesitation, I stepped inside. Suddenly, I was pulled into a hug by both Ms. Fray and Luke. I tentatively wrapped my arms around them.

"She's in her room." Luke motioned for me to follow. When we got there, the door was closed, and we stopped in front of it. "I'm going to warn you now." Luke's voice was almost a whisper, "She probably won't respond. Actually, she might not even look at you. And whatever you do, don't touch her." I nodded without saying a word, and Luke quietly opened the door, "Hey, Clare Bear." I heard a hum of question, but she didn't speak or turn around, "I've got someone who wants to see you."

"I don't want visitors." Her voice was so soft, so fragile, nothing like I'd ever heard before.

"Sorry, Jace." Ms. Fray smiled at me sadly, and I still had whiplash from her change in behavior, "Maybe tomor-"

"Jace?" My head snapped to face her, and I found that she was staring at me. Here eyes were red and puffy, no doubt from crying.

"Hey, Chilli Pepper." I grinned at her, and I saw a flicker of something in her eyes. It was something good, and even though it disappeared as fast as it came, it was something. I cautiously walked to the side of her bed, making sure to pay attention to her reaction. She didn't seem to mind, so I kneeled down at her side, resisting the urge to touch her.

"What are you doing here?" She asked quietly. I moved to stroke her hair, but at the last minute, I pulled away. It was so hard, because I was so used to comforting her like that, so it killed me inside. I distracted myself by looking into her eyes, which were wide with disbelief.

"I brought you something." I whispered, "Actually, a few things." She tilted her head in confusion, but I didn't say anything as I grabbed the presents from Ms. Fray, walking back over and kneeling again. I handed them to her without a word, secretly freaking out inside. What if she didn't like it? What if she didn't want me here?

"Who's this little guy?" Her eyes flicked between me and the bear.

"His name is Sergeant Cuddles." I started the story again, "You can hold him at night. He'll protect you from the nightmares. He's a strong soldier, just like you" Her mouth opened and closed, but no words escaped. I was starting to get very nervous, because I didn't know if it was a good silence or a bad one. I started to get up, but all of a sudden, she grabbed my hand.

I barely held back my gasp, but her parents couldn't seem to keep it in. She ended up lacing her fingers with mine, and I stared at her in extreme shock. Her cheeks were tinted pink, and I resisted the urge to tease her about blushing. This wasn't the time or place though, so I stayed beside her, just holding her hand.

She closed her eyes, taking a deep breath.

When she opened them, they weren't all the way normal, but they were less dazed than they had been. I wanted to jump up and down like a little kid, screaming, "I did it!" There was no logical reason that I should be this happy, but at the moment, even the smallest change felt like a huge victory. There was just something in me that said I'd done something amazing.

"C-Can we watch Sherlock?" She asked quietly, and I opened my mouth to tell her that of course we could, but a soft sound caught my attention. I turned slightly to see Ms. Fray staring in awe once again. That was what made me change my decision. Now, it was me closing my eyes and taking a deep breath.

"No." I rose to my feet, but I didn't let her go. Panic shined in her irises, so I squeezed her hand, and her expression calmed a bit, "We are going to watch Sherlock." I motioned toward her parents, and the panic returned. I cursed myself silently, wanting to take back what had obviously made things worse. But then, something absolutely wonderful happened.

Determination sparked in her eyes, and she slowly peeled the covers away.

That was when I saw it. Her shirt had ridden up just enough for me to see something on her side. It was a scar, and not a light one. The mark was deep and long, and I hadn't realized I'd been staring until she froze completely. I tore my eyes away to look into hers, then opened my mouth to ask. There was a certain desperate tension to her body, and the look on her face that pleaded me not to say it now. Normally, I would've completely disregarded it, but this was clearly different.

So I swallowed my curiosity, offering a slight nod, and for the first time probably all day, a tiny, real smile touched her lips. I returned it, then tugged on her gently. She got the message, slipping out of bed and standing up. It was barely noticeable, but her entire body trembled.

I wanted to pull her into my arms, but I knew I couldn't. And I knew it had something to do with that scar. So I held myself back, keeping our fingers loosely linked but not stepping closer. She didn't seem to be focused on that though. Instead, she was staring at her parents, who had warranted shock on their faces.

Then, Luke and Ms. Fray's expressions grew carefully hopeful, like too much happiness would scare her away. In all honesty, it probably would. So I grabbed the DVDs, and we all continued to walk on eggshells as we made our way slowly to the living room.

Clary's parents kept a distance, and when we went to sit, they made sure to leave us the larger couch. I sat down, and Clary did the same next to me. Then, I was about to get up to start the show, but her grip on me tightened. I opened my mouth to assure her that I wasn't going anywhere, but before I could get a word out, Luke took the DVDs from my hand.

He walked silently to the television, turning it on, and I lowered myself back down next to Clary. I didn't say a word, afraid that breaking the silence would break her. So I looked straight ahead, watching until the beginning of the first episode started. She flinched at the noise of the gunshots, but out of the corner of my eye, I saw the tension in her body ease just a fraction.

Even though I'd really liked the show the first time I watched it, I didn't pay attention. I was more focused on Clary and the way the show gradually loosened her muscles. I hadn't noticed how on edge I'd been until I started to calm down, and the indicator that she was getting better came when Sherlock and John were sitting in the restaurant.

"You are not married to your work, Sherlock Holmes!" Her outburst startled us all, and we all whipped to face her. She didn't seem to notice us in favor of glaring at the screen, "You are married to John Watson!" I had no idea whether it was my nerves or her yelling, but I dissolved into a fit of giggles. Her head snapped my way, and she narrowed her eyes, "What?" She growled, but there was no real anger behind it.

"You love Johnlock way too much to be healthy." I teased, and she smacked my arm. Luckily, I was able to keep the shock off my face, focusing on the way she just seemed...lighter. She let go of my hand, crossing her arms over her chest and pouting indignantly as she stared back at the show. I moved to wrap my arm around her out of habit, but she jumped slightly, reminding me that she wasn't all the way okay. She may be better, but not completely fine.

I slowly pulled away, hoping I hadn't ruined everything. To my relief, when my arm was back at side, she relaxed. To be honest, I felt a little sting. I told myself that it had nothing to do with me, and it was mostly working, but a small part of me thought that I might be a piece of it. It was irrational, but Ms. Fray's words began to repeat in my head.

Almost as if she could sense it, Clary slid her hand back over mine, even though she didn't look at me.

And at that moment, I knew in my heart...

She would be okay.

So the first thing I have to say is... This chapter is dedicated to everyone who has helped me through hard times, and everyone who can make me smile when I didn't think I had it in me. Even though many of them won't see it, I want this to be for them. I know a lot of you guys have amazing people in your lives, and there are people who you can lean on. Always know there is someone there, and always know that there is a reason to smile. Even on your darkest days, there will be light.

And I would say I'm sorry for leaving you guys with more question about Clary's past... but I'm not ;). I love to torture you people.

With love to my Faithfuls,

-Shadowhunter5801