A light knock brings both of us back to our senses. We both pause and look at each other. I smile my whole body on fire from our activities. Yoon-Gi smiles back, desire raging in his eyes, his pale skin flushed as well. In one graceful move, he gets off the bed and picks up his shirt, pulling it over his head as he walks to the door. I honestly didn't notice the door being closed. Our bed is in a nook around the corner from the door, the hall wall running the length of the bed. He opens the door as I scoot to the foot of the bed. From my seat, I can see most of his face. I hear him talking quietly and quickly in Korean. I stand up; he usually would tell me who is at our bedroom door. He glances back and smiles, moving to the side to show Jimin, who looks distraught. My first reaction is fear since he was out with most of our family, but since Yoon-Gi has a smile across his face I know it must mean Jimin is overreacting, again. I walk to the door, trying to catch what Jimin is saying. He talks so fast when he is upset and even though I have lived in Korea for six years and studied the language for about 17 years, I still having trouble when people speak fast or in dialect.
"She didn't want to come home and, well, I just feel nervous about it, hyung," I hear Jimin finish saying. I know he is immediately talking about Rose. He has been her big "brother" since she was 11, so he is extremely protective. They have always gotten along so well because he is a child at heart.
"It's alright, Jimin. I'll text her," I say to him, motioning for him to come to sit on the little couch in our bedroom. Yoon-Gi sighs and lets Jimin in as I grab my phone and start messaging my youngest.
Where are you?
Still at the bar. Da-Eun and Ji-a are in from college. Hobi, Marie, and Kook are still here too.
Jimin is here and pretty upset….
Did something happen?
…Ye-Joon is here too, not with me, but in the bar. He still makes Jimin nervous.
Aha, I understand. Come home soon?
Grandmaw is only here one more day
and would like to spend some more
time with all of you.
Alright, Momma. Tell Jimin to come back and hang out with us. My friends love him.
Lol, I will.
I smile to myself. Roses' high school boyfriend, he broke her heart the first time. Jimin will never forgive anyone for hurting his dongseng. I look over at Jimin and Yoon-Gi. These two are so different but balance each other very well. Yoon-Gi got Jimin talking about their new trainees and got his mind off his stress.
"Jimin, Rose wants you to come back and spend time with her and her old friends. She understands why you are hesitant to be around Ye-Joon after the last interaction you all had, but that doesn't bother her anymore. She wishes you wouldn't let it bother you too, "I say. Jimin hangs his head, still remorseful for letting his anger for Roses' pain cloud his judgment last year. "You silly boy, it was such a long time ago. Sometimes you have to learn to let the past be the past." I look at Yoon-Gi as I say these words. Jimin looks between us; our faces must be showing something because he suddenly takes in our disheveled hair and bed and immediately turns red.
"Leigh, Yoon-Gi, I am so sorry," he quickly stands and tries for the door. Yoon-Gi laughs silently, but I grab his arm. "Jimin. You were worried about my child; do you think I am upset?" His color turns back to normal, and he smiles. "Of course not. I'll go back to the bar. I promise I won't talk to Ye-Joon and will have fun." I smile and release him, watching him bound down the hallway to the stairs. It's funny, he's not much younger than Yoon-Gi by birth, but he still seems like a child at times. I close the door and turn back to Yoon-Gi, still chuckling softly. Our eyes meet. I tilt my head to the side and let a small smile play on my lips. His response is the same. Both of us raise one eyebrow, and we both open our mouths to speak causing both of us to pause. "Story?" We both say and then laugh.
"I'm sorry I let Jimin ruin our mood," he says as I go pick up my pajamas from the floor where they dropped. "I think, technically, I did that, inviting him in so I could check on Rose." Yoon-Gi has his back to me, pulling his pajamas out of his dresser. "Yea. It's your fault then." I lightly laugh and head to the bathroom; I feel, rather than hear, Yoon-Gi behind me. I place my pajamas on my side of our double sink and turn to the toilet closet. This little thing took Yoon-Gi awhile to get used to, but I hate having the toilet in the same room where I get clean and brush my teeth, so it's in its little room.
"I wish my mother and father could have come," I hear Yoon-Gi say through the door. "At least hyung came." This is a touchy subject for him, his parents saw me as "used goods," not worthy of marrying their son since I was a widow with children. Especially when they found out, we could not have children. It didn't help that I am 9 years older than he is. The only one in his family that accepted us, me, was his older brother, Jun Ki. He even treats my children as if they were his blood nieces.
I walk out and wash my hands. "It's ok. I didn't expect them to come. I know how they feel about me and the girls," I say, changing into my pajamas. Yoon-Gi already changed into his and is washing his face, so I take advantage of him not talking to brush my teeth. While we are getting ready for bed, I snort at the difference in our sleepwear. Yoon-Gi enjoys the traditional style, comfortable bottoms with matching, button up shirts. I wear his super oversized shirt and shorts. At the beginning of our relationship, I wore four of them so much that the next time I went to find them I located them in my pajama drawer.
It doesn't take us long to wash up and brush our teeth. I walk back to our bed before Yoon-Gi comes out of the bathroom to join me. As he climbs into bed next to me, he says, "You know, they don't hate you or the children. They are just more traditional." I take his hand and say, "I know. They just wanted something different for you. And it's nice that we are on better terms than before. I just wish I could be someone your mother could be proud to introduce as your wife, their daughter-in-law." I trace the light blue veins on his hand as I speak. "And I do wish, even though Rose was 16 when we married, I could have given you a son. I know how much you wanted a little one of your own. I was still young enough; my body just could not survive."
"I was at the doctor's visits as well, Leigh. I couldn't get anyone pregnant, even if you could have survived carrying another child. Stop blaming yourself. I am fine with our children. Seriously, I love them so much. I've watched them grow. We've known each other for, what, 14 years? Was it four years before the accident that we met?" he asks. I smile, "Yea. You all were so stressed. I remember telling my family I wanted to go on tour with you all to be sure your mental health was addressed as much as your physical." I lean my head on his shoulder, our backs on the plush headboard. I intertwine my hand with his. "More story?" I ask. "Yes, please." I nod, where was I. I cannot remember. So much has happened in the last hour and a half." "You knew you loved him and wanted to marry him, quickly," he summarizes. I laugh. "Perfect."
"So, I graduated from high school, and we spent the summer doing a big bunch of nothing. Well, not really nothing. We had our…um…. extra activities we enjoyed." I snicker, letting myself remember. Yoon-Gi snickers as well. "I got sick in late August. I got a bad infection in my lungs. They gave me antibiotics, but no one told me that they would make birth control ineffective. So, in early October I found out I was pregnant. Something I never wanted to happen and was told since I was young it couldn't happen." I pause and listen to the slow, steady breathing, matching mine to his. "Late May of the next year Sidda was born. I labored all night at home, back labor, so intense. I made Kayden take me to the hospital; he drove so fast even though it was not necessary. I was just in pain, but he was nervous. So nervous. It was, about, 6:30 in the morning. The doctor kept me, I was dilated to 4, and they broke my water to help speed things up. Yoon-Gi, I was so scared. I didn't think I could labor and have my child." I pause, realizing something. "I never told anyone that. I always kept face; I didn't tell people when I was scared. I still don't." He squeezes my hand and gives me a light kiss on the forehead.
I clear my throat and continue. "At, about 4:15 that afternoon I started feeling faint. I couldn't form words, and I just wanted to sleep. My breathing slowed, and I faintly remember monitors going off. I remember looking at Kayden, and he was dozing in the chair next to me, we both had been up all night. I don't remember much of the cesarean, the smell, the doctor yelling at a few nurses after showing me Sidda. I barely remember her little face at that moment. They said I didn't pass out, but I don't remember anything until I came to my senses in the recovery room. My mom was there, and the first thing I asked was if Sidda had hair. It wasn't until the next day, after an MRI of my pelvis, that we found out why I was not having any luck with labor. My pelvis was fused, like a mans. So, if I ever decided to have more children, my only option was cesarean." I take a breath. I didn't realize how much there was to share. I adjust my position, scooting doing into the bed a bit more, grabbing a pillow and laying it and my head in Yoon-Gi's lap.
"How much detail do you want? You know I can go into some insane details," I ask after getting comfortable and looking up at him. "I do not have a preference. I want to hear you speak freely. So, tell me the details you want to." As I expected, he starts playing with my hair. I close my eyes and let myself drift back to the past.