A/N: And here is chapter 4 with the first holiday party at L-Corp. I did say angst, right?

Kara always believed that a party was a set of shining shimmering moments, linked together by music, merriment, and the glittering lights above them. There was a sense magic to it, an enchantment to enthrall of the guests to relax and let loose. In this case, to loosen their purse strings for the L-Corp holiday gala in benefit of the new wing at National City Children's Hospital.

Kara should be happy, chatting with some of her coworkers at Catco, and stuffing her face with potstickers because of course Lena has them catered just for Kara. But she wasn't. Instead, she felt like someone possibly stronger than her or Kal-El had sucker-punched her right in the stomach. Instead, Kara was standing, leaning on one of the pillars that lined L-Corp plaza and held the second-floor balconies peering down on them from L-Corp's main building. Instead she was staring across the plaza, past all the mix of familiar and unfamiliar faces, with Alex, her only choice for a plus one, just watching her curiously.

And Kara hates herself a little for it. Because she could feel it, the misery crawling underneath her skin and sinking into the depths of her bones. Her plan had worked, James and Lena were actually talking, were both smiling at each other. Lena's hand kept reaching out to touch James on his arms, once in a while as they spoke. Then there was some random guy the two had ended up talking to that pointed out they were standing underneath a mistletoe, cheering the two to go on and kiss.

Kara felt like she was about to get sick. Her stomach was doing flip flops, and not in the good fuzzy warm feeling kind of way. Nope. It was very much in a nauseous, I think I might have food poisoning or the flu kind of way. And she doesn't know why.

She can't understand why.

She didn't feel much of anything but cold and dead inside, something tearing up inside her that she couldn't figure out. She felt like these emotions were familiar, she felt them before, but not in this way, no. And not this intense.

Alex cleared her thoughts, giving Kara the perfect reason to look away just as Lena was about to kiss James and shift her attention to her sister, who in turn, was quirking an eyebrow at her, looking at Kara suspiciously. "What?" she asked Alex as a response.

"So, I just want to make sure. Work with me here Kara. Who is it?" Alex responded with a question of her own.

"Who's what?" Kara repeated, prompting Alex to sigh.

"Are you jealous of her being with him?" Alex then replied, nodding towards James and Lena just as Lena pulled away from the kiss. "Or are you jealous of him being with her?"

"I…" Kara started to say, but no other words would follow. "W-what?" she then said rather nervously, asking Alex if she heard her correctly. "Who-why-who-what? Why would I be jealous of anyone? I'm not jealous. There's nothing to be jealous about." Kara rambled on.

What was Alex even thinking? Why would she even think that Kara was being jealous of anything?

"Oh, Kara." Alex replied, shaking her head.

"L-look, I just… I worry, okay? That's just it. James is James, and Lena, well, she's my best friend. Alex, I… I don't want her hurt. I don't want her to feel unloved or unwanted or judged because she's a Luthor or anymore of that nonsense a-and maybe, well, maybe I just don't James is that person. I don't think he's fully gotten over his prejudices about Lena because of her family. I just want to protect her, that's all."

"Kara…" Alex then said, trying to calm her down and get her to listen to her.

"Or, you know, maybe I just want something like that some point down the line with someone, someday." Kara then muttered under her breath, closing her eyes to try to get herself to calm down. All of sudden she felt like she was under the spot, like all eyes were on her even though no one was probably looking at them.

She was starting to feel cornered, for some reason, and the spaces around her were closing in.

"Someone like James? Or Lena?" Alex pressed on.

"What does that even mean?" Kara replied, taking a deep breath, clearing her thoughts as best as she could, before opening her eyes again.

"Nothing." she heard Alex whisper, as her sister pulled her in for a hug. "Kara, I… I just want you to know that if you need to tell me anything, or if you just need me, I'm here. If something's bugging you, I can help you figure things out."

"I… Alex, there's nothing to figure out." Kara replied, trying to convince Alex it was the truth.

"I'd believe you when actually believe it yourself." Alex replied, giving Kara an understanding look.

A look that haunted her through the night as she did a quick patrol over National City. Technically she was still fired, and the government didn't allow her to be Supergirl. A very stupid thing Kara was complying to as best she could if only to protect the people she loved. Her thoughts getting more and more tangled up as emotions she never thought of and felt before were taking over her.

Alex was wrong, she didn't know what she was talking about. A part of her kept arguing that over and over again.

But there was part of her that was starting to question if Alex even had a point.

Was she jealous? Kara wasn't even sure of what she was being jealous about, but deep down inside, she knew that she was.

But of what?

Of their relationship? Partly. Of course, Kara wants to share her life with someone eventually.

Of not being James? All romantic interest in him was gone.

But what was all that thing about Lena about?

Kara found herself in her apartment that night more confused than ever, her heart in great turmoil. She wouldn't even dare broach the question in her head, the question Alex had posed about Lena, afraid of finding out the answer herself.

She couldn't, there's no way could be…

…or was she?

Was she, in fact, jealous of James because of where he stood at that party? Of who his hands were on? Of who his lips had kissed?

Kara didn't know.

And she didn't know what to think about it.

Except her heart didn't quite agree with her mind that night, crying, aching, yearning, for the one thing it wished upon the stars and it feared to never have.

A/N Pt2: Bliss don't last long when you're not with the one you're supposed to be with. In other words, more jealous Kara, upset at James for his stupidity Kara, angry at James for his stupidity Lena, and done with it Kara. We'll have Alex back for one last needed push afterwards, I promise!