Those words seal it for me. I refuse to let her be unhappy forever. I look from Joon to Jimin and find myself saying, "I am in love with Leigh." They both smile, but I stand with my mouth hanging open. Those words were not on my plans for the night.
I sigh and say, "Yes, well. I've admitted it to myself and told you two. Now I prepare." I walk past them and go into the bathroom. I wash my face and rejoin them, picking up my phone on the way. I check my messages; there are a few about work, one from my mother and the group text from Leigh, along with one she sent to just me. It simply said, "Message when you get this." I take a breath and answer the group text, 'I was just washing up after the concert. What do you need? Is everyone ok?' Joon looks at me, surprised. "What? I have to deal with it. We would never ignore her messages; I will not change that now just because I've said how I feel about her. No matter how she feels, I will always be here for her and the girls. Always." Jimin smiles and lightly punches my arm. "You want to know a secret?" I just raise my eyebrow. "Jimin, now might not be the time for jokes…." Joon warns. "It's not a joke, it's the truth," Jimin pouts. I roll my eyes, "What is it?"
"We already knew you loved Leigh." I half smile, "And here I thought I was good at hiding my feelings." I sigh. I am not; normally they are plastered all over my face, no matter what the words that come out of my mouth are. "Of course, you all knew. You are my brothers. You'd always be able to see such a change. Just like we did with Hoesok." They both nod. A small sound signals a reply. 'Can I call or video chat? I'm cooking. Is anyone else with you?' Her message reads. Instead of replying I push the video chat button. "Hyung!" Jimin says. I shrugged, waiting for her to pick up. As the call is going through I, hear a light knock at the door. "I'll check, expecting anything?" Joon asks. "No. I ate a few things before leaving the venue," I call, looking back toward him. I see him open the door and am a bit surprised to see Jungkook standing there. He seems equally surprised that Joon answered the door.
"Well, I guess it's good you are eating. But was it junk food, Min Yoon-Gi?" I hear Leigh say. I quickly turn around and see her smiling into her camera. She's baking. She has flour on her shirt, and I hear the light hum of her mixer in the background. I smile in response. Baking is something she loved to do before Kayden died, but she stopped for a long time. She would only bake on special occasions. But lately, the girls said she has been baking just for fun again. "It wasn't exactly junk, Leigh. It was ramen," I answer. She snorts, "You boys and your ramen. Who's with you? I hear voices." She picks up her phone as she flips off the mixer. I hold the phone up to show the room, Jimin, Joon and Jungkook wave. "Leigh!" Jimin says, "I miss you, noona!" She smiles at that. "I miss you too Jimin. I'll see you soon." "Hey Leigh, are you well? Is anything wrong?" Joon asks. I see her shake her head, "Not really. A few things I wanted to ask and say really. We are fine, thank you." She looks behind her and says off-screen in English, "I was able to get ahold of a few of the guys, yes. Hang on and let me talk to them. They have to get rest, it's, what, 1 am there?" she asks, turning back to the screen. I nod. "Yes, we are winding down from the concert," I answer. I see Sidda come up behind her mother, curious at who is on the screen. "Hey bros," she says, waving. She doesn't wait for a reply before she moves out of frame.
"Leigh, what's up?" Joon asks. "Well, I know that you guys must know by now that I am planning on coming for my birthday this year. I know Rose wants to try to plan something. I'm not going to stop her, of course, but, Jimin, I am specifically talking to you, keep it small. Please," she says. Jimin looks a bit taken aback, but nods, "Of course, noona. I would hate for you to be uncomfortable at your birthday celebrations." She smiles at him. I cannot tear my eyes away from her face. It's almost like I have to memorize every angle. I love it when she's got her hair pulled up in a messy bun while she is baking. She pushes her glasses back up on her nose. "Thank you," she says. "I also need a favor; then there is one work thing. The favor is can you guys please help me find an apartment in Seoul? I've been trying to work with a realtor, but it's not going well. You all know me so well that you know what would suit us." She pauses, looking over the phone, probably at Sidda, worry in her eyes. "Momma, it's ok. We've talked about it." Leigh looks back at the phone, "It's time for me, for us, I guess to move on. The girls support me in moving to Seoul. I've already started the paperwork." I smile and look back at everyone. They are all smiling, Kookie looks a bit distracted, but pleased and surprised by the news. "Noona," he says, "I am so excited you will be closer to us. Of course, we will help you find a suitable place. Big kitchen, four bedrooms, office, right?" She smiles at the youngest and nods. "You got us pegged, my friend." I see that Joon is already looking for places. "You'll need office space for your practice, too, right?" he asks. "Yes, yes. I still have to start on that paperwork though," she says, writing herself a note on her refrigerator. "Hang on guys; I have to get this out of the oven." She sits her phone down and bends out of sight. "I'm going to bed," Jimin says. "Good night." He gives me a quick, worried glance and I nod. "Bye, noona!" he says louder. "Good night, Jiminie!" I hear Leigh say from just off camera. She hurries back and picks up her phone. He blows her a kiss and leaves. "Leigh, do you need me for the work things?" Joon asks, preoccupied with rental listings. He steps off camera and asks me if I need anything. I slightly shake my head as Leigh answers, "No, Joon. It's fine. Good night, get some rest. Stop looking at listings." He steps back in frame and smiles. "We have time now." He nods, "Talk to you tomorrow?" he asks. I nod, and Leigh says, "Yep." I turn my attention back to the screen, but I feel Kookie come up behind me. "What did you make?" I ask, distracted for a moment by the shape of her lips when she is thinking. Her full bottom lip puckers out with a bit. "Double Chocolate Chunk Brownies and Mini Shepard Pies. I still have to put on the mashed potatoes," she says, smiling. "Well, I guess it is good it is just you two now," she says, walking away from the kitchen. I can tell she is going into her office, which is where she goes when it's time to work. I hear a slight click as she closes the door behind her. "Yoon-Gi," she says, sitting in her desk chair, "I was talking to Kookie a bit ago. I told him to come to you. Kookie?" She says. I turn to him. "What's wrong, JK?" I ask, looking at him. He seems a bit defeated. "Hyung, I think I am having a hard time. I just feel….." he says, looking around. I know that look. He's got something that's bothering him; he might not even know what it is. "It's ok. I just had to deal with a few things that were bothering me earlier, we all have times like that." I turn back to Leigh. "What do we need to do?" She smiles. "Well, for tonight, just be the amazing big brother you are. I am catching the jet out in…," she checks her watch. "20sih minutes. I'll be landing almost the same time you all do." My heart starts to race. "You are coming tomorrow?" She nods, a confused look on her face. "Yes, we need to be sure Kookie is healthy enough to continue the tour. I'll be in Seoul for the three days between shows to be sure." I force a smile, remembering that not only do I have a part to play, but my brother needs me. "Great, I look forward to seeing you," I say. She smiles, but I can tell she is still a bit confused from what she sees on my face. "Jungkook," she says. "Tell Yoon-Gi what you told me. Don't worry; we'll figure it all out. I promise." He smiles at her; just those words make him relax a bit. "Ok, noona. Safe travels and thank you so much." I hang up and put my phone down. Heart still pounding at the thought of seeing Leigh tomorrow.
I look at Jungkook; his mind is occupied. "JK, what's going on?" I ask, nudging his leg. He looks at me, his eyes wide, "I am not sure," he says. "I feel…. uncertain about everything right now, I guess. I don't think I am doing well enough in the shows. I just don't feel like I am living up to everyone's expectations anymore." I nod, listening. "I feel this way often," I tell him. He looks at me, surprises on his face. "Really?" I snicker, "And here I thought you all knew how I feel all the time. Yes, Jungkook, everyone doubts themselves. Especially when you are in the spotlight like we are." He looks down. "Jungkook," I say, "Listen to me. You are not letting anyone down. You are the most consistent performer in the group, hell, that I have ever encountered. But I understand that sometimes you tell yourself one thing enough and it becomes true in your mind." He nods. "I'm not sure how to make myself feel believe it anymore." I think for a few moments. "How about, after you talk to Leigh, we watch the VCR of this concert." His eyes brighten a bit. "The one we just finished?" I shrug. "You know they will be editing it tomorrow. It'll show you your consistency." He sits, silent for a few moments. "Ok, hyung. I think that might help." He looks at me. "I am so glad Leigh we be here too. Do you think she'll watch it with us?" I smile, I know it's a sad smile, but I can't help it. I am so conflicted at what to do next when it comes to Leigh. Jungkook's eyes narrow so I quickly answer, "Yes, you know she will." That doesn't smooth his expression, "You said earlier you had to deal with a few things that have been bothering you. What's wrong?" I sigh, how did I let the conversation get directed to me? "Nothing is wrong. I just had to admit something to myself. Now I have to decide on my next step." He stands up. "Oh, you admitted you're in love with noona Leigh? No wonder you looked so panicked when she said she'd see us tomorrow. It's about time." He shifts his weight onto one leg as he continues. "I watched it happen. I saw the moment you realized it."