Courage Is A Woman
Chapter 8. The Journey.
"Your choices are half chance – and so are everybody else's."
That evening, they had connected in a very deep, emotional way.
That night, their hearts found each other's rhythm and decided to both follow the beat of New York's drum, making decisions their brains were too afraid to make. Scully's body had drifted away from Stella's in her sleep, but when Stella returned to the bed after getting a glass of water she found the warm presence of Dana Scully to be all around her. Sighing, she lay quietly as she felt the mattress move and Dana's chin connected with her shoulder. A glance downward told her that Dana was still fast asleep, and for a moment Stella allowed herself to feel everything she felt boiling on the surface.
She had basically confessed her love to Dana that night. Scully's reaction had been sweet, the most beautiful, vulnerable smile being the best thing she could have gifted Stella in that moment. No other words had been spoken. They didn't have to be – the universe was doing all the talking. However it dawned on Stella that this was uncharted territory for both of them, and on top of that she didn't even really know Dana Scully all that well. It felt like they had always been aware of each other's existence, somehow they seemed to know each other but Stella was also very aware of the short time they had spent together. She knew she had never felt this way before about anyone and she was completely and utterly aware of what it was doing to her. She had always thought it wouldn't happen to her because she was being so cautious, but she couldn't have been more wrong – It was happening, and truth be told, she didn't want to stop it even if she could.
'Dana?' Stella woke up to a bed that felt eerily quiet. She still faintly smelled Dana Scully in the sheets, but the redhead wasn't there. Carefully as not to disturb the peace of the room Stella sat up, quickly scanning the area. Bathed in an early morning dew the skyscrapers of New York were looking back at her, scrutinizing her, telling her: What if you scared her? What if she's gone?
Scully was nowhere to be seen, but most of her clothes were still in their respective places where they'd been abandoned yesterday. Stella shifted to throw her legs off the side of the bed, looking for her nightgown when she heard a sound coming from the one part of the room she couldn't see. There was a reading corner with a comfortable chair out of sight from the bed – not for a second had she considered that that's where Dana might be. She got up and quietly walked over to that side of the room, tying her bathrobe around her.
The chair was slightly turned towards the window, and as it came into sight Stella was met with a waterfall of bright red hair dancing down the back of the chair, colors playing brightly in the morning sunlight. Her mood changed instantly, something in the air surrounding Scully was carefree. 'Good morning,' she said, her voice slightly raspy with sleep. She watched as Dana turned around to look at her, and as their eyes met she felt a pang of loneliness cut through the liberating feeling that had been dominating the area. Stella watched as Scully changed her demeanor, deliberately trying to sound cheery. 'Morning. I'm just enjoying the view,' she said. 'Me too,' Stella smiled and walked up to the chair. 'Don't do that,' she whispered into Scully's hair. 'You can talk to me.' Scully chuckled. 'I don't know what you mean. I'm fine.' Stella decided to join her, taking her position on the carpet in front of the chair, sitting next to Scully's crossed legs. With her back towards Dana she hoped she could give her the room she needed to start the conversation if she wanted. The space behind her stayed quiet for a few minutes as the air got thicker and thicker between them. Finally, Scully bowed to the pressure. 'I woke up and I felt confused. I told you I'd call Mulder, and I will, I just don't know what I'm going to say to him. I met someone? I met a woman? Do I lie and say I'm just staying for work? I mean, he means everything to me, he always has. It's frustrating and confusing.'
Stella bowed her head slightly before turning to look at Scully. She could see the frustration in Dana's eyes, their watery surfaces mirroring the turmoil she felt within. Only she didn't have a significant other waiting for her. She didn't have to lie to anyone if she decided not to lie to herself. 'You have to do what you want, Dana. Don't do something you're not one hundred percent sure about. You can go back to DC tomorrow, I would understand. But don't do it for the wrong reasons. Don't go back because you're afraid. If anything, I'd say stay because you are afraid.'
Dana nodded. For a few minutes they just sat there, close to each other, quietly trying to calm their brains and figure out what was next.
After some time Dana shivered. She was just wearing her bra and skirt from last night and a chill was starting to creep into her bones. 'I'm going to take a shower,' she stated quietly. Stella nodded. 'Do you want to meet for breakfast?' Scully smiled at the fact that Stella was completely in tune with her intention to shower in her own room. There was so much understanding between them that it seemed almost surreal. 'Let's meet after. I want you to show me your favorite places in New York. I want to see it through your eyes.' Stella smiled back at Dana. 'That's a nice idea, I like that. Let's meet downstairs at 11.' Dana nodded. 'See you then.'
She got up from the chair and Stella watched her before standing up as well. Dana gathered her clothes, quickly closing a few buttons on her blouse to be able to modestly walk the short way down the corridor. 'I'll see you later,' Dana repeated. Stella nodded with a smile before opening the door for her. Strange feelings tumbled through her stomach as Dana walked out onto the hallway and off towards her room. Stella closed the door, excited for the day. She had been planning on visiting her own favorite spots the next few days anyway, and she loved the idea of taking Dana with her.
As she turned away from the door and untied her robe, letting it fall onto her bed, she realized something.
There had been no nightmares last night Her sleep had been peaceful and deep and she couldn't remember the last time she would have used either of those words to describe how she'd felt at night.
An hour later Dana Scully was sitting on her bed, looking out across the city as her phone was dialing Mulder's number.
'Mulder,' he answered. 'Mulder, it's me,' she replied. 'Oh hi Scully, how are you?' he said. He sounded good, she thought. 'Great, everything is good. How have you been?' He chuckled. 'You know you've only been gone a few days, right? Hardly time enough for me to burn the place down.' 'I'd disagree, but I know you'd just argue with me,' she shot back. 'Anyway, the conference is done but I'm thinking of staying in New York for a few more days.' It came out a lot smoother than she'd thought. 'Oh?' Mulder replied. 'I miss you, Scully. What is so good about New York anyway?' 'Mulder, it's just for a few days. I'll be back soon enough.' She really didn't feel like getting into the details because deep down she was still conflicted. She wanted this, no doubt there, but she as still cheating on him. And that was something she had never thought she'd be capable of. On the other side of the phone Mulder sighed. 'Okay, but be careful. New York is a filthy, scary dark hole of a city sometimes.' She smiled. 'I'll be careful. Thanks. I'll let you know when I'll be back, I'm guessing in two or three days.' 'Ok,' Mulder replied. 'I'll see you then.' He hung up the phone before she had a chance to reply. Relief washed over her, it was done. Still, it annoyed her how easily he had agreed. He hadn't asked about the conference and he hadn't pushed for a reason. That made her uncomfortable with the situation – it meant that he trusted her implicitly. He trusted her and he didn't for one second think something might be going on. That meant that there was no way for her to justify her behavior, she realized. Somehow him being suspicious and mad at her would have given her a reason to do her own thing, to break free, so to speak. However Mulder was being Mulder, a little jealous but deep down always supportive and trusting, and it made her nauseous to think of the betrayal she had committed. How had she come to this decision? Had there even been a choice?
She sat in her own chair by the window for a while until there was a knock on the door. She'd ordered breakfast and she knew this was probably the food being delivered but she found herself hoping it was Stella. She had no idea how to explain her feelings to the blonde that had quietly stolen her heart but she knew she wanted to try.
Opening the door she saw it was indeed her breakfast being delivered and with a smile she tipped the woman after she'd put her tray down on the table. Glancing over at the trolley Dana noticed room service for Stella's room as well, and for some reason it was comforting. She knew she could probably just walk over to Stella's door and she'd be welcomed in without a second thought, but she decided against it – affection was like a drug, and the last thing she needed was an addiction to the one thing she was bound to lose in a few days.
As Stella exited her room at a little before eleven she instantly chuckled at the sight before her. Down the corridor she witnessed Dana's door open as well, and as Dana walked out and their eyes met both women laughed out loud. 'Hi,' Stella smiled at Dana. 'I love your punctuality.' Dana nodded, glancing at Stella sideways. 'As I do yours. I like your jumper.' Stella was wearing a dark blue jersey jumper with curly letters stitched on. It looked comfortable but classy and Scully wished she'd packed something similar. Instead she was wearing a simple tee and a blazer, as well as dark blue jeans that she rarely wore but were comfortable and a nice fit. 'Hm,' Stella replied in a sound that was an acknowledgement if anything. 'You look nice too.' Stella knew Scully probably wouldn't notice until later that she wasn't wearing a bra with her sweater. It was something Stella did regularly, it just felt good sometimes and today was one of those times. She hadn't necessarily planned to get a reaction from Dana but she knew it would be fun watching for it. 'Thanks,' Scully replied, pulling Stella from her thoughts.
Formalities done they stepped into the elevator together. 'So,' Scully said. 'Where are we going?'
'I was thinking coffee at Grand Central, and then down towards Greenwich Village,' Stella said. 'There are so many places I love but there are a few that hold a special memory.' Dana nodded.
She was unsure whether to tell Stella she'd talked to Mulder, after all, it would almost definitely lead to a deep conversation and she wasn't in the mood. Yet she felt like she owed Stella an explanation, or at least she wanted to tell her she'd be in New York for a few more days. Deciding to wait for the right moment Scully followed Stella out onto the street, turning left and another left onto Park Avenue.
About half an hour later they were sitting in a little coffee corner at Grand Central Station, Stella having ordered both of them a black coffee. She noticed that Dana was a little quiet and she wondered if it had anything to do with the impending talk with her partner she was probably putting off. Not usually one to shy away from sensitive topics Stella was annoyed by the fact that she was hesitant to ask Dana about it – it wasn't her usual demeanor. Then again, she realized, this wasn't her usual relationship either.
'Are you okay?' she asked after a few minutes. Scully met her eyes, and even though they were slightly cloudy with worry, Stella saw a glint of peace there. 'I think so,' Dana answered honestly. Stella knew it was an answer that was truly the way she felt, and she was happy that Dana hadn't just answered that she was fine. 'I meant what I said,' Stella said softly. 'If you don't want to stay or you feel like it's too much of a burden, then don't stay. I'll miss you but we'll stay in touch.' Scully but down her coffee and slightly bowed her head before focusing on the crowd passing by the shop window. 'I already spoke to Mulder. He didn't ask and I didn't tell. I'm staying.' Stella didn't say anything. She just watched as a number of emotions and thoughts washed over Dana's face, each of them taking a turn in the glimmer of her eyes. The silence between them hung in the air, not as an enemy but as a friend as both women slowed down in the realization that they still had time.
After a while, Scully looked at Stella and found her blue eyes already focused on hers. 'You ready?' she asked Stella. The blonde smiled and nodded. 'Yes, let's go.' They stood, Stella dropped her empty coffee cup in the trash and Scully followed her out into the crowd. Hooking her arm through Stella's was natural and effortless and she was glad Stella didn't comment on it, she just seemed to accept the weight of their connection and move on.
Scully was curious to see where Stella would take her. She knew a lot of New York but she was sure Stella had a completely different view on this city and she was excited to be inspired by Stella's experiences. She already knew not all of Stella's memories here were pleasant ones but she also knew Stella felt at home here, and she was bound to know some hidden treasures among the streets that so many people viewed as dirty and loud. To Stella it was a playground, a place filled with energy to absorb and become a part of and Scully admired that. Taking off down W42nd street towards Time Square Stella knew today would be special. There would be a lot of walking, a lot of time to talk and just enjoy each other's company, and one of the best things about New York was that if they were to get tired they could just hop on the subway that would bring them wherever they wanted to go. Stella however had a route planned that would bring them down to where she wanted to be while also being one of the best routes to see Manhattan. She wanted to walk all the way down towards the Hudson River, knowing their position would bring them close to the High Line Park which she loved.
The walk across Manhattan was long, but interesting as Scully remembered more and more about the city. She frowned at the crowds when they walked past Broadway and 7th, and she felt light and happy when they left Times Square behind them. 'I like this,' she said to Stella. 'It's good to be here and not linger.' Stella nodded and as they walked on Scully understood more and more why Stella had chosen this route. Right after the busy, loud streets that made up Times Square the noise just died down the instant they were past 8th Avenue. All of a sudden they seemed to be in a completely different part of the city, the buildings were lower, older, and the streets weren't filled with tourists but with commerce and food trucks.
They had a quick lunch at an old diner on 9th Avenue before moving down towards 34th street and onto the elevated park, and even though Scully knew about it and had been to the High Line before, she found that walking it with Stella like this was a completely new experience. She found herself pointing out details she hadn't noticed before and she was mesmerized more than once by the sounds and sights she encountered. A few times she put her hand on Stella's arm or clasped her hand and found the touch to be absolutely grounding and profoundly right. Stella glanced over at Dana from time to time, pointing out a street, a plant or how the light hit and reflected onto the side of a house. She found she had a lot to learn from Dana who knew a lot about the plants as well as the buildings they were seeing, where Stella just seemed to know right where they were the whole time. 'Down this street is our hotel, actually,' she said at one point. 'It's just across Manhattan, but it's there.' Dana sighed. 'That sums up this city quite beautifully,' she commented. 'Everything seems to be just down this or that road, it just takes some work to get there.' Stella nodded. 'It's true,' she said. It was a metaphor for everything going on right now and she hadn't intended it that way, but she was glad that they'd come to the realization. Sitting down she pulled Dana close by her hand and together they sat, looking out across the streets where the air was tick, cabs were breaking rules and life was good.
'Can I ask you something?' Scully asked after a few minutes. She glanced at Stella sideways, admiring how the sunlight was hitting her hair and brightening up her features. 'Of course,' Stella answered as she met Dana's eyes.
'How do you see the future?' Scully dared to ask. To be honest, it was something she thought about a lot. Especially recently, as she seemed to be getting older and older but she had a feeling she wasn't really getting anywhere in life.
Stella contemplated the question for a second. 'First of all, I don't really care about settling down,' she started. 'I mean, society inflicts these rules upon us and we're expected to conform to something called 'the norm,' and I object to that.' Scully nodded. 'I agree, but I'm talking personally. I know I have certain needs and wishes and fears, and I feel them getting stronger every day.' Stella licked her lips for a second, looking down at her hands. When she looked up again she had a hint of sadness in her features that Dana didn't miss. 'I've never taken the time to think about that. I know what you mean and I feel it too, I just refuse to let it take over my life.' Scully smiled. 'It's hard, though, isn't it. Sometimes it gets to you.' Stella nodded slowly. 'I think that's the burden of being a woman.' They both knew that the real conversation was about a family. Scully's life had been completely different than Stella's in regards to a family but both women were reluctant to speak about it at this point in their relationship. Some things didn't need to be said and Stella marveled at the fact that this was yet another topic that they seemed to be able to talk about without actually needing the words.
'You're living with your partner, aren't you?' Stella asked after a few moments. 'Yes,' Dana replied. 'I do have my own place, though. It's a long story and I really don't feel like getting into it.' Stella smiled. 'I won't ask you to.' Dana shot a smile at her before turning the question around. 'How about you?' 'I live alone,' Stella said. 'I always have had my own space. I like it that way.' 'Have you never wanted to live with someone, even a friend?' Scully asked.
'I've lived with people who I've been in relationships with,' Stella said. 'It's just not for me.' Scully nodded. 'How about living with a friend?'
'It wouldn't work out,' Stella said, a smile around her lips. 'I'd just want to be next to you all day.'
She watched carefully as she saw Dana's lip purse a little, a slight blush creeping onto her skin. 'I.. I didn't mean us,' Dana said carefully. 'I just meant in general.' She met Stella's eyes and found the slightly cheeky smile that played around her lips to be liberating. 'Oh' Stella said, breaking eye contact after a few seconds to bravely look out over Manhattan. 'I was just warming to the idea.'
She had realized that she'd made a very quick assumption but in no way was she ashamed of it and she liked Dana's apparent, innocent surprise.
Next to her, Scully watched for any sign of regret on Stella's face but found none. She just looked ahead, confidently, proudly and joyfully. Silently Scully wished she had that ability, but even at her age she found it hard to be unapologetic. She worked hard at it, succeeded for the most part, but sometimes she still felt that need to conform. It was one of the reasons why she hadn't considered Stella's interpretation of her statement. Being openly romantically involved with a woman and living together was not something she'd ever thought about. It had always been Scully and Mulder, and over half her life she'd spent being Scully and Mulder. She had always thought that's how it was supposed to be and she'd had no regrets but being here with Stella was slowly starting to crack her fossilized idea of reality.
'As for your earlier question,' Stella cut into Scully's thoughts, 'I think I'd like to live with someone eventually. I mean, sharing your life is what it's all about in the end, isn't it?' Scully nodded. 'I miss it sometimes,' Stella continued. 'I work hard on remaining independent but I'm almost certain that deep down it's all just fear.' Scully felt Stella shiver as she said the last words, and she felt the truth hit hard inside of her. 'Fear is the driving force behind most of what we do,' Scully said softly. Stella nodded next to her. 'It's not a bad thing,' Scully said. 'As long as you're not missing out.'
'Maybe I am,' Stella replied, somewhat sadly. 'Maybe we both are.'
An hour later they were still strolling casually down the paved path above the streets of New York. They had walked the entire High Line Park and arriving at the other side Stella smiled. 'This is such a completely different part of the city, but it's got so much heart as well,' she said. Scully nodded. As they headed down the stair back onto the streets that had been flowing beneath them Scully looked around interested in the change of scenery. They quickly got a coffee before heading down through the smallest streets they could find. 'Greenwich Village is my favorite part of Manhattan,' Stella stated. 'I have thought about living here.' 'Wow,' Scully said. 'That's a big change.' 'I know,' Stella answered. 'And I'm not even sure it would be possible, after all, I'm not licensed to work here and moving to the US is not easy or necessarily better compared to living in London. Still, I've thought about it.' Scully looked around, noticing the quiet atmosphere that hung between the smaller, older but definitely beautiful and still expensive houses around them. Somehow they ended up on Bleecker Street, reaching Magnolia Bakery. It was already past three in the afternoon and they had walked a lot today, so Scully decided to treat Stella to one of New York's most famous cupcakes. 'Come on,' she said, searching for Stella's hand next to her. 'My treat.' Stella smiled and happily followed Dana inside.
Two Red Velvet cupcakes and a hot chocolate later they were recharged and ready to go again. 'That was amazing,' Stella sighed. Scully nodded. She had watched Stella eat and drink, secretly admiring the view while declining a hot chocolate of her own because she had just had a coffee. A fondness was growing within her, and it was continuing to expand beyond friendship. She'd already known for a while that they would always be good friends and that they had an undeniably natural connection, but after their conversation her mind was playing nasty tricks on her showing her all sorts of possibilities for the future. The thing was, Scully herself had no idea if any of these were actually what she wanted. She didn't even know if her current situation with Mulder was what she wanted. 'Are you ready to walk a bit more?' Stella asked. 'Yes,' Scully answered. 'I am really enjoying today.' Stella nodded. 'Me too.' Stella knew all too well what was going on in Scully's mind, she'd seen and felt it happening halfway through her cupcake. All she was hoping for was a few more quiet hours before the inevitable storm would hit. The 'love' conversation hadn't happened yet, but both of them knew that it had to at some point. There was really no point in avoiding it. It was quick and ordinarily way too early but this wasn't an ordinary situation.
Stella stood and let Scully exit the store in front of her. 'Go left,' she instructed. Dana complied and they continued to wander down the streets. 'I think you'd fit right in here,' Dana pondered after a while. They hit 7th Avenue right at Christopher Street subway station and Scully sighed. 'Wow,' she said quietly. 'I think this is my new favorite place to be.' Stella nodded. 'This is why I love this city so much.' They were looking out over multiple streets, crossing, intersecting and moving on in their own directions. There were plants, flowers, cars and people everywhere. Scattered around the intersection were different shops, in all shapes and sizes, open and closed, busy and quiet. Looking south on 7th Avenue the new World Trade Center stood proudly above all other buildings. It was still basked in sunlight and Stella pointed it out. 'Have you been to the top yet?' Scully shook her head. 'I haven't, I never feel like a tourist here.' 'You don't have to be a tourist to do that,' Stella said. 'I'd say everyone in New York has to have seen that view at least once, local or not.' 'Can we do that tomorrow?' Scully asked. 'I'd really love to take our time up there.' Stella nodded. 'Agreed. How about first thing tomorrow morning?' Scully nodded, even though the first thought that jumped to mind was that she wanted to enjoy a lazy morning with Stella. 'It's a date.'
Stella smiled and felt the urge to reply but she didn't know how. She wanted to acknowledge the effort she knew Dana was making, she wanted to honor her and her tenacity to make this time count, but she didn't know how far she could go. Yesterday they had kissed in public, but it had been dark and no one had been paying attention. They were in a very open and public place right now, people everywhere and somehow Stella felt too exposed. Settling for a warm smile she put her hand on the back of Dana's shoulder for a second, in a gesture that was both supportive and loving. 'Does that mean you're paying?' Scully asked, unable to hide her joy. 'Yes,' Stella said wholeheartedly, and it felt like a commitment to a whole lot more than just an early morning visit to the observatory.
'I want to show you something too,' Dana said as they finished their dinner. They'd been too tired to walk once they'd reached Washington Square Park, so they had found a restaurant to their liking close by. Stella had dropped down unceremoniously next to Dana on the couch along the side of the place and they hadn't moved until they were fully fed and rested. There had been some white wine involved, but not enough to inhibit or inform any of their decisions, and after a day of wonders created by Stella Scully felt she had something she didn't want to miss out on. Stella nodded. 'Take me wherever you want to go,' she said calmly.
She felt completely relaxed, tired but so content. They had laughed and talked so much today that Stella truly felt like she knew Dana now. Also, she had once and for all decided that she was definitely falling in love and that she was ready to let it happen. Where this morning she had felt slightly insecure and unsure of the truth behind her feelings for Dana because of the short time they'd known each other, right now in this moment Stella could truly say she felt good. It had helped that they hadn't had an overly romantic day, they hadn't kissed, there had been no sex and even though they both wanted to be close and needed that physical connection both of them wanted to cherish the moment and save the rest for later.
'Ok,' Stella answered. 'Where are we going?' They had paid their bill and exited the restaurant, taking off towards Washington Square subway station. 'You've probably been a thousand times,' Scully said, 'But I was there a few days ago and I was just thinking how different I feel now. I want to share that with you.' Stella smiled. 'Let's go then.'
About ten cramped minutes in a subway train later they exited at Clark Street. As they walked down the street towards the Brooklyn Heights promenade Scully took Stella's hand, weaving their fingers together. They took a left on Columbia Heights and Scully sighed happily. 'This is where I'd like to live,' she dreamed aloud. Stella chuckled. 'I bet. It's beautiful here.' The street was lined with big houses, all of them different, all of them equally elegant and luxurious. Stella tried to pick out her favorite – and she could almost feel Dana do the same. Secretly she let her mind wander to what would happen if she were to live here with Dana – a pointless exercise but a fun one nonetheless. One of the last houses on the right was her favorite, a white house adorned with lush greenery stood proudly between the grey and brick houses surrounding it. It had elegant lines, and there were two doors – one with stairs leading towards it like others, but also a slightly more hidden door with a few steps leading down. It reminded her of them – A little different, but very special – and Stella released Dana's hand to take out her phone and quickly snap a picture.
'Did you just find your dream house?' Scully asked.
Stella nodded. 'I might have.' Scully smiled and looked down at her feet for a second before turning right through a small park. It led them to the promenade and Stella immediately felt a tingle lead all the way to the top of her head. 'Wow,' she said. Dana reached back and Stella took her hand again.
The sight in front of her was something Stella would not quickly forget.
She first saw the sun falling through the leaves, reflecting in all sorts of colors on Dana's hair. If she looked beyond that she saw a small path surrounded by trees and plants leading to the promenade – a brick pathway above the busy Brooklyn streets looking out over the Hudson and East River. The sun was shining bright orange across the water, highlighting some of Manhattan's buildings as well as the Brooklyn Bridge to their right. Stella saw the Statue of Liberty in the distance and she clasped Dana's hand a little tighter, pulling her back to her side. 'This is wonderful.'
'Haven't you been here before?' Scully asked as her shoulder touched Stella's. 'No,' Stella sighed. 'I've been down by the park near the Brooklyn Bridge, but never on the promenade. The view is amazing from up here. Thank you for taking me.' Scully smiled at her. 'You're welcome. I wanted to enjoy the sunset with you.' Stella felt gratitude spread through her body and she hoped Dana knew how much this meant to her. 'Let's stay here a little while,' she said softly, directing Dana to one of the benches. Scully nodded and sat down with her, settling close to Stella. 'Come here,' she said softly and pulled Stella close by her hand. Stella looked at her and admired the rays of sunshine and red hair framing Dana's face. She felt happy and grateful and having Dana so close didn't really leave her a choice – leaning forward she cupped Dana's chin and gently kissed her lips. It was a short kiss, a very gentle one – but Scully felt it straight down to her toes. As Stella released her Dana smiled openly, and this time there was no sadness like many times before. Stella reveled in the open expression on Dana's face – there was acceptance, and it was something she cherished deeply. 'I think I have a confession,' Scully said softly. 'Hm,' Stella said in an encouragement to Dana. She regarded Dana with interest, intrigued with what she might say next. 'I think… Today has been really lovely and I've had a lot of time to come to terms with some things,' Dana started. Stella felt like she might need some help so she grasped Dana's hand again, shuffling just that tiny bit closer to Scully on the bench. They were practically alone up here, and Stella was very grateful for that – it gave them the privacy she knew Dana needed. 'Go on,' she said.
'I haven't been very articulate to you about how I feel,' Scully said. 'In fact I think we've both been a little rattled by what has happened.' Stella nodded. 'But despite the situation and despite all of our doubts I think I need to be clear to you,' Scully continued. 'I really feel a deep connection and even though I don't know what it means and I don't like the implications I do know that I can't ignore it. I have a lot to figure out and I will do that, but right now I need you to know that to me, this is worth every bit of trouble it's going to cause. I'll figure it out.' Stella bowed her head, feeling very light. 'We will,' she corrected and nodded. 'We'll figure out what it means and what we are going to do. You are so brave,' she said. Scully smiled, tears filling her eyes. It hadn't really been a huge risk for today had confirmed every single one of her suspicions about Stella's feelings towards her. She had been fun, accommodating, courteous, kind and it had all felt very natural – something Scully wasn't accustomed to. It had proven to her that this was good, it was healthy and meaningful and she had nothing to lose by telling Stella how she felt because she was one hundred percent positive Stella felt the same.
In the end it hadn't really been a choice – A million little decisions had led to Stella being in New York, and Scully wasn't even sure how she had ended up here herself. All she knew was that it wasn't even to be analyzed. They were meant to meet, she was almost certain. Their connection was undeniable and their chemistry insane, and Scully knew that something as rare as this wasn't to be taken lightly.
Stella saw the emotion in Scully's eyes and sighed deeply. Carefully she freed her right arm that had been between their bodies to softly put her palm on Dana's cheek and pull her in closer. Their heads touched and Dana leaned in, grateful for the support she felt. 'I'm a very private person,' Stella said softly, 'but I feel the same.' Scully smiled through her tears, and even though she knew Stella couldn't see it she knew she felt it. Looking out across the water in front of them both women relaxed in each other's company, for it was the only place in the world they could imagine being in right now.