Courage is a Woman
Chapter 9. Red and Gold
"You don't expect a sunset to admire you back." ~River Song (Doctor Who)
As the bright pink skies gave way to the night Dana and Stella wandered a bit further down the promenade. Scully linked her arm through Stella's, finding her hand in her pocket. It was an intimate touch, one that bound them together and made promises for later. Stella felt her heart expand more and more every second Dana was by her side and she wondered how much more she could take.
As the lights of New York shone across the water Stella and Dana silently agreed to take in the breathtaking beauty before them, still side by side as they leaned over the fence. The wind took Scully's hair, blowing it into her face, and Stella laughed at her apparent annoyance. 'How does your hair stay like that?' Scully asked slightly irritated. 'It doesn't,' Stella answered laughing. 'You're just catching all of the wind.' Scully laughed with her, seeing the futility in her attempts at taming her hair. 'Let's walk towards the bridge,' she suggested and Stella nodded, starting to walk back down towards the Brooklyn Bridge. 'You're not seriously suggesting walking that whole thing, are you?' she asked in a low voice. 'Because I'm quite certain you will have to carry me.' Scully looked at Stella sideways, grateful for the wind that was now keeping her hair behind her. 'Tomorrow?' Stella nodded instantly. 'Yes, that's a great idea. Tomorrow.' They continued their short walk down to the Brooklyn Bridge Park, where they found a spot amongst the tourists watching the sunset. As the final sun disappeared and the last orange rays made way for sparkling lights and soft blues Dana took a chance and pulled Stella close. Amidst maybe a hundred people, not that far from home, Dana Scully amazed Stella again as she took Stella's face in her hands, her thumbs softly caressing Stella's skin. 'This is wonderful,' she whispered as she kissed Stella carefully. Stella felt Dana's lips quiver in silent anxiety. She wrapped her arms around Dana, slightly scared she would pull away but too caught up in the moment to stop herself. She kissed Dana, no hesitation, no regrets – and her reaction caused Dana to relax into her touch. Dana felt Stella's lips capture hers and she was grateful for Stella's steady touch, she needed it to distract her as much as she wanted it to consume her. Dana caught Stella's bottom lip between hers and deepened the kiss. After a few moments they broke apart and Dana sighed, locking eyes with Stella. No words were needed as Stella watched Dana blush slightly and then confidently meet her gaze again – she watched Dana intently and was touched when Dana reached for her, taking her hand and guiding her further down the promenade along the water of the East River. They walked all the way down to the Brooklyn Bridge before stopping to lean over the fence. Stella leaned her lower arms on the edge as Dana stood slightly behind her, their hips nearly touching. Before them the Brooklyn Bridge was lit up for the night, shining in all its glory, stretching out before them. Stella sighed. 'Thank you,' she said earnestly as she looked back over her shoulder. Dana smiled and stepped in next to Stella. 'Thank you,' she answered. 'Today has been really great. I'm seeing New York through completely different eyes now.' Stella nodded. 'I could say the same. I enjoyed myself thoroughly and I couldn't have asked for a better partner to share today with,' she answered. Dana smiled at the use of the word. Mulder had always been her partner and the only one who she had thought of that way, and to hear someone else use that term for her was strange but not badly so. She didn't mind that Stella called her that and in fact it made total sense – they had, to the rest of the world, been partners today. Scully felt totally fine with that and in fact she felt pride at Stella's words. 'I like that,' she thought out loud. Stella raised her eyebrows. 'What?' 'Partners,' Scully answered. 'We are, aren't we? Even if we're not anything else, if we choose not to be or if we can't be, then we'll still be partners.' Stella smiled softly, moving one hand to lie over Dana's. If we choose not to be, Scully thought. If only it were that simple.
Half an hour later it was completely dark. Stella had taken Dana to a place right underneath the Brooklyn Bridge, and that's where they'd been sitting for a while when Dana shivered audibly. 'Let's head back,' Stella said. 'You're cold.' Scully nodded. 'I'm okay, but I'm tired,' she said. Stella stood, extending her hand for Dana to pull herself up. As Scully took her place beside Stella again she decided to leave her hand in Stella's, squeezing softly to emphasize her intent. They walked hand in hand past the carrousel and back towards Clark Street subway station, pretending this was normal, pretending they didn't have all kinds of hopes and fears. And it worked, at least for a little while.
The subway ride was short and soon they were back in their hotel. Tired, but at peace, they headed up to their floor. 'I'm going to take a shower,' Scully said as they reached her room. Stella nodded. 'Would you like to meet me down in the bar for a drink later?' Scully smiled. 'Sure. Give me time to change first.' Stella got her key card out of her pocket and smiled. 'Find me when you're ready.' She turned and left Scully to her thoughts. She had wanted to kiss her, reaffirm their affection and bond but she decided against it – like Dana had said, they shouldn't let this thing get too big. It would be a bitch to get over anyway, and Stella knew that before Dana left she wanted to tell her that no matter what, she'd always remember her.
Stella quickly freshened up and changed into a simple graphic T-shirt, wearing the same pants she had before. Still foregoing the bra she wondered if Dana had noticed and simply decided to ignore it or if she had in fact not let her eyes wander there today. Their relationship wasn't about sex as much as it was about appreciation and respect and Stella loved that, but they were also both very physical people and their attraction was undeniable. Like Dana had said yesterday Stella already knew she wanted to spend the night with her again if Dana was ready for that.
As she walked into the bar downstairs a few minutes later Stella encountered Nick again. 'Hi there,' he greeted. She just smiled in acknowledgment, taking a seat at the bar for now. Dana would be able to find her easily and they could move to a more private spot once she got there, Stella thought. 'How have you been?' Nick asked her as he poured her a glass of the wine she'd been having earlier. 'Good,' she answered kindly. 'I'm enjoying being back in New York.' He nodded. 'Good to hear. Are you waiting for someone?' She inclined her head a little. 'I am.' Nick smiled. 'I guess my luck has run out, then. It's good to know you, Stella,' he said before moving away to attend other customers. Stella watched him go and thought to herself how much better life would be with just one partner. She had never particularly cared for that life, thinking it was easier to avoid attachment, but watching Nick move off she knew that it didn't have to be that way. It was a choice that she said goodbye to people, it didn't have to be that way, she knew that. She just felt a strange sadness in her stomach at the knowledge that the person she could see herself with was already involved with someone else. Usually she wouldn't ask because she wouldn't care, but now she really wished she'd said something to Dana because she didn't want her to be in this position. Smiling she remembered that Dana hadn't exactly said no, so technically it was partially Dana's responsibility as well, but now that they had repeatedly crossed that line she knew Dana would have a lot to talk about with her partner once she came home.
Home. What did that even mean? Stella had always thought of London as home, since it had been where she had spent most of her time. Still, travelling the world and being in different places she knew that there was only one thing she really needed for a place to be her home: Herself. The rest could be replaced. Still, her apartment in London was her safe zone now – she'd never taken someone home with her, settling for hotel rooms and their apartment instead of bringing a partner into her own safe zone. That's what it was, really, she thought – a safe zone. Right now this hotel and the room she had was her safe zone and the more time she spent actually walking around in New York the more she thought it would make a perfect home.
Dana walked in on Stella clearly being lost in thought. She paused for a few seconds in the restaurant's entrance to look at Stella, who was clearly thinking about something troubling. She saw a slight frown appear between Stella's brows and the tiny quiver of her bottom lip wasn't lost to Scully. 'Hey,' Scully said as she approached Stella. Softly she put her arms around Stella's form, not a hug, not a cuddle but something blissfully in between. Stella accepted it, slightly surprised, but she realized Dana must have caught her little wandering of the mind. 'Hi,' she responded softly, her voice slightly hoarse. 'Sorry, I was just thinking about something.' Scully nodded. 'I noticed. Are you okay?' Stella nodded. 'Fine. Let's find a table.' Dana shrugged. 'I'm fine sitting here.' Stella smiled and moved her stool a little. 'Okay,' she agreed and offered Dana the seat next to her. Stella noticed the softer pants Dana was wearing, loving how they looked super classy and comfortable at the same time, ending in a split at her ankles to reveal a bit of ivory skin before ending in a black high heel.
Nick came over and looked from Stella to Scully. 'What can I get for you?' he asked. 'Red wine, please,' Dana said. 'And refill hers,' she added. Nick nodded and did as she asked. Scully caught the smile he shot at Stella before walking away again. 'Do you know each other?' she asked, slightly curious because she had seen Stella's interaction with the guy a few days earlier. She wasn't jealous but she was curious, having deduced Stella's sex life to be somewhat erratic and driven by chance encounters. 'I wouldn't say I know him,' Stella replied, looking at Scully intently. 'We had sex.' She wanted to be frank with Dana, honest about her past and ways of doing things, and she knew Dana could handle the truth. She watched how Scully processed and accepted the information. 'I thought so,' she said, a tiny smile playing on her lips. 'I saw you two interact the day before we met. The first night I came to you with the file I was afraid I'd be interrupting you two,' she confessed. Stella raised her chin, a cheeky grin growing on her face. 'I wonder what would have happened if you had,' she said softly. 'Anyway, it was a one-time thing and it's done now,' she added before taking a sip of her wine. 'It was meaningless.' Dana nodded. 'I gathered as much,' she said. 'It's a game of conquest and power to you, isn't it.' Stella nodded, feeling slightly giddy about being confronted with it like this. 'It's easier. We all have basic physical needs and to fulfill those needs I've always been able to take what I require.' Scully blushed slightly at Stella's honest answer and she focused on her wine for a few moments. 'Am I a way to fulfill your needs?' she asked quietly. She felt like she already knew the answer, but she needed to ask anyway. Stella pursed her lips and put a hand on Dana's. 'You are much more than that,' she said earnestly. 'I honestly don't think I've cared about someone as much as I'm starting to care about you.' Scully just looked at Stella, not knowing what to say and feeling like she didn't have to say anything if she didn't want to. 'It's true,' Stella added after a few moments. 'You said you didn't know what you were doing, but the same goes for me. I don't know when my last meaningful relationship was.' Dana averted her gaze and sipped her wine again, finishing the glass before putting it back on the counter. Stella felt slightly uncomfortable in Dana's silence but she liked the quiet energy surrounding them. There was just acceptance and love coming from Dana and Stella realized that she was probably the first person in a long time that didn't judge or define her based on her sexual choices.
A short while later Dana turned to Stella. 'Let's go upstairs, if we want to be in the Observatory early tomorrow we should get some sleep.' It was around 11 PM and Scully hadn't realized how tired she was until she put some alcohol in her system. Stella looked at her, meeting her eyes for the first time in minutes. They were soft, Dana's gaze focused on Stella's without being demanding or judgmental. 'Ok,' Stella just agreed, signaling for Nick to come over. 'A bottle of this, please, put it on my tab,' she told him and he fetched the bottle. 'Have a nice evening ladies,' he added as he smiled and nodded at Scully. She smiled back, slightly raising her chin to appear unfazed. 'Thanks,' she said before turning away and hoping Stella would follow. She did, and within minutes they were back in the top floor hallway again. Stella walked to Dana's room and waited for Dana to open the door, smiling when Scully deliberately brushed her hand past Stella's midsection as she entered. 'Come in,' Scully said and closed the door behind Stella.
It felt natural to Dana to have Stella stay with her tonight. They hadn't specifically talked about it – and somehow Dana had thought Stella would take her distance tonight – but she was very happy to see Stella follow her to her door and enter the room after her. As she closed the door she turned around to see Stella put the bottle of wine down on her table. 'That's for tomorrow,' she said smiling. Scully nodded quietly, knowing that tomorrow evening would probably have to be their last evening together. There were a thousand feelings raging through her heart at that realization and Stella noticed the slight change in Dana's demeanor. 'It won't be farewell,' she said as she caught Dana's hand. With her other hand she pushed a lock of Dana's loose hair out of her face, curling it behind her ear. Her hand lingered on Dana's cheek and she watched mesmerized as she could see straight into Dana's heart.
'I'm going to collect some things to take a shower,' Stella said to break the tension. She released Dana and left the room to go to her own, leaving the door slightly open. Dana gathered herself and released a shaky breath. It already hurt to see Stella leave, an emptiness in her stomach telling her that no matter what happened she would have a hard time separating herself from the blonde who had dug her way into her heart. She heard a door close down the hall and smiled as Stella appeared in her doorway again, apparently ready to use Dana's shower instead of her own. Stella acknowledged Dana with a smile and carried the stack of clothes she'd fetched to Dana's bathroom, closing the door behind her. Scully listened for the lock but didn't hear it and she smiled to herself. Unsure if Stella was challenging her or just didn't bother with the lock she knew that she probably wouldn't expect Dana to join her. Deciding to go now before her courage ran out Dana pulled her top over her head, leaving her in her bra and cigarette pants. She opened the door to follow Stella, just in time to witness her pulling her T-shirt over her head. 'Oh god,' Scully whispered as she saw the expanse of beautifully pale skin revealed by Stella. Stella shot her a look over her shoulder. 'Don't tell me you didn't notice,' she teased, seemingly unfazed by Scully entering the bathroom. 'I didn't,' Scully said. It was partially a lie, she definitely had her suspicions when she'd seen Stella in the T-shirt that there was no bra underneath, but somehow their proximity and conversation had distracted her from the thought. Scully put her hair up in a messy bun and approached Stella, who had done the same, placing her arms around Stella's waist form behind. Feeling her naked skin against her chest was erotic and reassuring and Scully sighed deeply. Stella put her hands on Dana's, carefully disentangling herself from the embrace before turning on the water. Turning back to Dana she watched as Scully reached behind her back to unclasp her bra as well, leaving them equally naked and exposed. Dana stepped in to unfasten Stella's pants and Stella covered her hands with her own. 'Let me,' Dana said softly and even though it felt vulnerable beyond Stella's usual comfort zone she dropped her hands to let Dana undo the buttons. As she pushed Stella's pants over her hips she stepped in to kiss her softly, helping her step out of the pants before taking her in her arms again. 'I like your pants,' Stella threw in a compliment she'd meant to give earlier. Scully smirked before taking them off. They didn't speak much as Stella removed her underwear before Dana's, helping her to step under the warm current with her. They were both naked, nothing to hide behind, and Dana closed her eyes to angle her head up into the warm stream of water raining down on them. She felt Stella keep her distance, wanting her to initiate their contact, and she felt honored and respected beyond words. Without opening her eyes she reached for Stella, softly grasping her hands and pulling her in close to her body. Scully stepped back a little, letting the current rage between them as she opened her eyes. Stella stood there, studying Scully, a shiver running across her arms. 'You're cold,' Scully noticed, and she released her. 'I'm ruining your shower.'
'You're ruining my resolve,' Stella whispered, pulling her back in, moving her hands to cup Dana's cheeks. Scully wrapped her arms tightly around Stella's midsection before closing the final distance between them and kissing her. Capturing Stella's lips she felt them cold between her own, but soft and open to accept whatever she was ready to give. Scully kissed Stella openly, dueling with her tongue for dominance in a fight she didn't care if she won. All that mattered was their touch, the infinite warmth that was slowly spreading through both of them and the intensity of their feelings for each other. The water was crashing down on both of them, and Scully broke the kiss when it became hard to breathe with the water in their faces and between their lips. 'Come here,' Stella whispered, and pulled her close. She felt Dana's hands move down to the sides of her body, softly sliding along the sides of her breasts. Dana's fingers caught Stella's nipples, softly testing and finding out how to touch Stella to coax the best noises from her lips. Dana focused on Stella's mouth, soon finding out it was the best indicator of her pleasure – parting lips, slightly trembling and denting chin, and her teeth… Scully was spellbound by Stella's bottom lip getting caught between her teeth every time Scully intensified her touch. They were close, but soon Dana put a little distance between them by pushing Stella against the back wall. It was cold, she knew, but she wanted to watch Stella come apart in a fight between hot and cold and for that she needed the unwavering support of the shower walls. A half-formed protest left Stella's lips, having been abandoned before it had come full circle, ending in a soft whimper instead of a 'no'. Stella wasn't used to being pushed against shower walls, but then again, Dana was a worthy partner to her – not an opponent, and it wasn't a fight. So Stella gave up on fighting her. She gave up on fighting the chill that travelled down her body with Dana's fingers. She gave up on trying to control the way her body clenched treacherously as Dana dropped her fingers into Stella's folds. She gave up on controlling her body's reaction to Dana's quick-learning thumb on her clit. She gave up on trying to hold in Scully's name as she came only a few minutes later, and she shared Dana's surprise as her body barely held itself up and she quivered around Dana's single finger, her name softly on her lips. 'Dana…'
Stella felt Dana's lips land on her neck and her arms came around the redhead's body to hold her close. Dana seemed to realize that the name that had just been uttered into the crook of her neck was something of a rarity. She intently sought out Stella's lips, seemingly telling her that she understood. Stella accepted her kiss, trying to be okay, trying to be okay with what had just happened inside her brain. Dana switched positions with Stella so that she was no longer inhibited by the stream of water. It now fell down Stella's back, and even though it caused a chill to break on Dana's skin she leaned back in Stella's spot on the wall of the shower. It was cold for a second, but soon she didn't feel any discomfort anymore – it might have something to do with Stella's hands moving back up to cup her breasts. However Dana felt tension in Stella's arms, even though her touch was soft and smooth Scully felt Stella's muscles move and her touch waver a bit. 'Let's get out of here,' she said to Stella. 'Give me a few minutes,' Stella answered and Scully smiled in acknowledgment. She touched her lips to Stella's one last time before exiting the cubicle, suddenly laughing at the ridiculous idea of taking a shower together. It was one of those things that always seemed like a good idea at the beginning – it was sexy and alluring, slick, smooth bodies under a hot current, but in reality it was always cold, messy and slippery. As she wrapped herself in a towel she watched Stella's silhouette, and she witnessed how Stella dropped her head in her hands before stretching up into the current. Scully recognized the feeling as she herself had no idea how to deal with everything. She dried off and decided to get into bed, her glowing body warming the cold sheets before Stella would join her. She stretched out in the big bed and listened to the water falling in the bathroom as she looked out across the city, propping the pillows up on each other against the headboard. The curtains were still open and Scully left them that way – it was liberating and yet humbling, another quiet reminder of where they were.
Stella took a few minutes longer to shower than she had planned to, needing the time to take care of herself. She used the hotel's shower gel, shaved, cleaned her face and tried to relax before finally turning off the shower. After quickly drying off she wrapped the big towel around her body, folding it in the front before exiting the bathroom. For a second she looked around the room where Dana was, smiling as she saw her fiery red head of hair just above the blankets on the bed. 'Getting comfortable?' she asked on a smile. 'I thought I'd warm it up a bit,' Dana answered with a thick voice, returning the smile. Stella sat down on the edge, angling her shoulders towards Scully. As Scully sat up, Stella watched the blanket slide down her body a little, exposing her gloriously naked shoulders. Stella leaned in to press a kiss to Scully's left shoulder. 'Move over,' she whispered. Scully shifted a little to make space for Stella and she watched as Stella stood and dropped the towel. Scully's eyes wandered down Stella's body for a second, noticing that she didn't bother to hide the scars on her inner thighs as she climbed into the bed. Stella could see Dana's eyes roam her body and for a split second she wondered if she owed her an explanation. She didn't, of course, and the thought was gone as soon as it entered her mind – if Dana wanted to know, Dana would ask.
Dana didn't, and Stella was grateful – she'd much rather keep her terrible secret than discuss it openly with the woman she'd accidentally fallen for. Stella cursed her heart for what had happened to her recently – she'd grown soft, she'd stopped paying attention for one second and Dana Scully had taken full advantage of that weakness. Not that she'd been aware, no, she'd been blissfully ignorant and inconsiderate with Stella's heart when she'd taken it and wrapped it up like a present for Stella to receive. It was like a stranger to her, that thing in the middle of her chest that was telling her all kinds of things that she didn't want to hear. Did she? Did she want to be reminded of how good Dana's skin had felt beneath her fingers while she was trying to swim laps? Did she want to see Dana's red hair in everything that was even slightly tinted red and gold around her? Had she asked to be reminded of a possible future with this woman every time she saw someone holding hands on the street? No, not particularly. Was she happy about it? Not at all. But what can you do, Stella thought – it had been too long, too long a life of loneliness and hardness had been her only focus and now she was in trouble. Big trouble.
Dana watched, fascinated as a story played behind Stella's blue eyes. She was aware of the situation she and Stella were in, and she knew that if it was a hard one for her it would be to Stella, as well. Even though Stella's mind seemed to be miles away, her eyes were focused solely on Dana's and Scully watched the colors shift to a deeper shade as Stella's hand came up. Scully shuffled a little closer, slightly uncomfortable with Stella's hand slowly moving the sheet down, but Stella's eyes on hers grounded her and reminded her: There would be no judgment of any kind.
Stella returned to her mentally as Dana felt Stella's energy refocus on her, a small smile emanating from her eyes again and Scully reached up, leaning on an elbow while cupping Stella's head with her other hand. She kissed her softly, a reassurance, a careful 'I'm here, I'm okay'. Stella accepted the kiss but when Scully broke it she softly pushed her back, shoulders sinking in the pillows as Scully lay flat on her back. Stella kept steady eye contact with Dana, watching as she noticed Dana's discomfort, willing it to go away. It was such an unnecessary thing that women did – judge themselves so much harder than anyone around them ever would – and Stella just wanted to tell them all to stop. She caught herself doing it every once in a while, but seeing Dana struggle with it almost made her sad. Stella continued moving the blanket down Scully's body, lightly touching her left breast with her fingers as she continued to lay bare so much more than just Dana's body. 'I was warming it up for you,' Scully said very softly, unsure if she should break the silence between them with a joke. Stella smirked. 'I won't let you get cold,' she replied. Scully closed her eyes as she felt Stella's eyes travel down her body, leaving goosebumps in their way. 'You are magnificent,' Stella's slightly hoarse voice told her, and she didn't want to question it any more. She didn't reply, instead Dana just tried to let go and focus on the feelings that Stella was creating. With her eyes closed Dana could feel the shift in the mattress as Stella presumably sat up next to her, but she couldn't see. It would have been a simple thing – open your eyes and you will see – but Scully found that she couldn't, didn't want to. Life was much easier with her eyes closed. She could focus on the way Stella took over, always gentle, but more demanding of Scully's surrender today than yesterday or the day before as her fingertips played across her skin like it was the finest of fabrics. Scully blindly reached for her again with one hand, but Stella pushed it aside before it reached her. As Stella's knees dented the mattress beside Scully she lifted one arm above her head, stretching her body, opening herself to Stella's intentions. At this moment there was nothing she could think of that she didn't want Stella to do.
Stella carefully raked her nails from Dana's hand down the sensitive, almost translucent skin of her arm to the side of her breast gain. She watched as Dana slightly opened her mouth, the tiniest gasp for air being released into the universe. Stella studied every move Dana's body made, from the pulse in her neck down to the tightening of her abdominal muscles as Stella touched but barely felt her skin. It was an indulgence, one she rarely allowed herself, to really see someone's body and Stella knew what a precious gift it was to be given permission by Dana. It was a form of surrender that had to be earned, that couldn't be taken, and even though Stella felt in control she knew that Dana could put a stop with it with only one movement. She didn't, though, staying impeccably quiet and yet responsive to Stella's journey of ripples and lines up and down her body.
Stella had abandoned the sheet somewhere around Dana's knees, exposing her down to her thighs, and Dana bent one leg to gain some leverage. She felt Stella move next to her but was surprised to feel her lips in her neck, her blonde locks tickling Dana's clavicle and face as the curtain that was Stella's slightly damp hair fell down around her. Dana kept her eyes closed and her hands away as she felt Stella's barely-there fingers skim along her sides and Stella's mouth slowly but surely travel down her sternum. It occurred to Dana how quiet the room was, how quiet they had been, and how it heightened her awareness of Stella's presence. She concentrated on the path Stella's fingers were taking, going nowhere in particular, seemingly hell bent to create havoc and chaos within Dana's mind and body – slowly driving her crazy with desire but also very convincingly letting Dana know that she wasn't in control of her own fate right now. Where Stella wanted to create a storm she lingered, where she wanted to avoid she skimmed the edges with nimble fingers and lips and Dana had no intention of stopping her. When finally after a few minutes Stella's lips found the underside of Dana's left breast she felt Stella's tongue flat and wet on her skin, and it wouldn't leave there for quite some time – Stella seemed to want to create a blazing roadmap of New York right there on Scully's sensitive, soft ribcage. Releasing a sigh that quivered across Dana's moist skin (showing Stella the way, like a map) Stella finally gave in to Dana's unspoken wishes and closed her fingers around Dana's nipples. She was rewarded with the sweetest sound and the feeling of Dana's small hands grasping her fingers momentarily, before she remembered not to touch and moved them back to lie next to her head and across her brow. It was a game, one Stella loved to play, but she found she missed Dana's clear blue eyes looking up at her. She straddled Dana's straight leg and kissed her way back up her body to her face, capturing her lips as she covered Dana's body with hers. It was a position they had been in before and Stella found herself yearning for that same intimate connection. Dana's hand that had been lying across her forehead locked itself safely in Stella's hair, keeping her close for a moment before coming to lie on her cheek. 'Open your eyes,' Stella said, and it wasn't really a request. A smile played across Scully's lips and Stella felt it get lost in the kiss before she sat back up a little to watch Dana come back to their reality. Dana's eyes were indeed sleepy blue with desire, her eyelids heavy and her eyes watery with emotion. Her hand fell from Stella's cheek to her thigh and Stella brought it back up to her lips, kissing it, starting a new path down Dana's much-travelled arm. Stella refocused her attention to Dana's skin, keeping her close and giving as much as she was taking. Once every while she locked eyes with the deep blue sea that encompassed her, guided her and anchored her – chemistry, she thought fleetingly, what a bitch.
Because there was no place Stella could think of that she wanted to be more right now, or ever in her life, than right here with Dana. She should have seen it coming and she should have prevented it, but she knew that the battle had been lost. In fact, it hadn't been fought at all because in a moment of weakness Stella had thought she was strong enough. She who was often referred to as the steely detective had thought that Dana's innocence and energy would be manageable. That she could handle it. Well, she was handling it, all right – with her lips all over Dana's tummy traveling down to where she hadn't yet tasted the skin, to where her hands had been but her mouth hadn't and to where she knew she would be well and truly lost. Like a moth to a flame, she reminded herself again - self-love, self-destruction. Still, when Dana's hands reached for her and she reached the trimmed patch of Dana's short curls she knew that even though this was an impossible situation, this feeling would stay with her for the rest of her life.
Threading her fingers through Dana's next to her hip Stella used her other hand to direct Dana's inner thigh outward, making it easier to travel where she needed to go. She marveled at Dana's uninhibited desire, smelling it, feeling it. For a brief second she wondered if Dana liked this, because she herself had very specific preferences when it came to who she allowed to do this. Scully felt Stella hesitate as her touch softened a little. She looked up, meeting Stella's hazy eyes and her heart melted at the concern she detected there. 'Go on,' Scully whispered, and she drove her fingers through Stella's locks again to keep her close. Stella smiled softly at Scully as she traced the outline of her labia with two fingers, catching her clit on each run. Keeping her fingers straight she knew how and when to apply pressure, but Scully's reaction had her going on instinct rather than knowledge. 'God yes,' Scully chanted as she tightened her hold on Stella. She missed feeling her warm body on hers, but this was good, it was so good. Stella kissed the inside of Scully's thighs. Where on her own body scars would appear Dana's were smooth, fair skin that was eager to be marked by Stella's teeth. She nibbled her way up, making sure to be gentle but insistent, before finally licking all the way up Dana's pussy in one long movement. She found Dana wet and ready, and she was rewarded with another squeeze of Dana's nails on the back of her hand. The fingers that were wrapped up in Stella's hair kept her close, directing her, and Stella was ready to let Dana take her wherever she wanted.
She repeated the motion a few times before focusing her tongue, flat and pliant, on Dana's clit. She licked her up like a cat would her nourishment, and in some way Stella felt the truth in that comparison. Scully had given up on speaking actual words, being reduced down to a whimper and a moan as Stella's tongue did things to her she had never experienced before. Stella followed the instructions Dana's body provided, entering her with one long finger before adding another. She fingered and licked slowly at first, building up her pressure inside of Dana as she felt her inner walls react and flutter around her in a steadying rhythm. Stella closed her eyes, feeling like she wanted to protect her brain from what was going on in front of her – it might be too much for her to cope with, she might break from the infinite tenderness that would fill and overflow her heart. After a few minutes Dana's body changed. Stella felt it happen – where she had been pliant, soft and responsive Dana now became tense, pushing down into the mattress to increase the pressure. Stella felt her get wetter and she registered Dana's inner muscles tightening around her fingers. 'Yes,' she moaned into Dana. 'That's it, love.'
Stella increased her pace and detangled her hand from Dana's to keep her down and in reach. Dana's hand followed Stella's to lie on her tummy and Stella smiled as she felt Dana grab her wrist tighter than she would have thought her capable of. Dana muttered somewhat of a warning, unheard by Stella, and seconds later her legs tensed and fell apart and Stella was rewarded in the most intimate way there was. Dana felt her climax reach all the way up into her brain, reach out to the tips of her fingers and her toes and warmth and love and intimacy spread all through her. Somewhere in the back of her mind she registered Stella calling to her, 'Yes, love,' somewhere in her subconscious brain she felt her nails dig into Stella's skin but it didn't matter, she was helpless as her orgasm washed over her and left her boneless, flushed and sweaty on the bed. She opened her eyes as soon as she was able, needing to see Stella, needing to look into her eyes. She pulled her up wordlessly, welcoming Stella's weight on top of her, needing it to bring her back to earth. Stella knew, somehow, what Scully needed and after placing a single soft kiss on her lips she brought her head down to the space between Scully's shoulder and her ear, lips lightly caressing the skin on her neck. 'Oh my God,' Dana whispered, and she was fairly certain she'd said that to Stella before but she simply couldn't come up with a more appropriate vocabulary. Stella smiled into her skin and shifted so that one leg was on the bed next to Dana. Stella left her warm spot for a moment, causing a chill to run down Scully's cooling body. She reached for the blanket and pulled it over their backs, all the way up to Scully's shoulders. Dana watched her every move, still trying to compute what she had just felt. Stella laid back down in the spot she'd claimed as hers and Scully shifted slightly, turning towards the woman who was so close, yet so out of reach.
Stella, who was also trying to come back to herself, was very intensely aware of the endearment that had left her lips. It was a normal English thing to do, call someone you cared for 'love', and it would be easy for her to get away with it like that. But in truth it came from a much more vulnerable place – a place that had been abandoned a long time ago. She felt Dana pull her closer, even though there couldn't physically be any less space between them – Dana seemed to want to try. A pointless effort, Stella thought, and the idea overwhelmed her for a moment. 'For fuck's sake,' she whispered before she could stop herself. 'Stop it,' she added softly and loosened her grip on Dana a little. Dana met her eyes, a hint of sadness passing across her face. 'Sorry,' Scully whispered and Stella cupped her face with one hand. 'No,' she shook her head lightly, unsure of what she was doing. 'What do you need?' Scully asked softly, knowing she would do anything for Stella right now except let her go. 'I don't know,' Stella answered honestly, 'I don't know.'
So Scully lifted herself up on her elbow, leaning in towards Stella. Guiding her with one hand behind her head Scully pushed Stella down into the pillow, using her body as leverage. Stella resisted for a moment before she gave in, falling and sinking back into the bed with the weight of Dana crawling on top of her. They almost switched positions, with Dana now lying half on top of Stella, her knee between Stella's legs. From her higher position Dana looked down at Stella, studying her face, studying the way her brow lifted and creased a little with emotion. The corner of Stella's mouth curved down a little, and it was these tiny details that Scully tried to memorize more than anything. 'Tell me what you need me to do,' she asked again. Stella blinked openly, her arms locking around Dana's back. She didn't say anything, just continued to pull Dana closer and reached her lips up to Dana's. Scully frowned into the kiss, feeling the gravity of Stella's quivering lip between hers, as she gave in to Stella's pull. She covered Stella's body with hers, moving her lips down Stella's face and neck mirroring what she'd felt done to her own body before. She remembered how Stella felt, how her lips had burned her and ravished her and she knew Stella needed that right now. She would not want to surrender, but Scully wouldn't need her to.
Stella was aware of her mind switching into protective mode. She reached for Dana's arm, finding her hand and directing it down her body. 'I need this,' she said intently through clenched teeth. 'I need you to make me come.' Scully nodded into her breast, her tongue circling Stella's nipple a little rougher than before. She understood where Stella was going with this – if this was about sex, it wouldn't have to be about anything else. Because of course she'd heard what Stella had called her. She had witnessed Stella's reaction to it, and most importantly, her own – for a mere moment she had seen an impossible future and for a moment she had wanted it to become a reality more than anything else. She loved Mulder, of course, always – but he was a rarity, a sunset in autumn, the stars in the sky – You don't expect them to ever admire you the way you do them. They just... Exist, they come and they never really go, but to love them would mean a lifetime of grief. Stella was different. Stella, whose name spoke of sunsets and stars but who was the only thing that wasn't a fantasy right now.