Courage Is A Woman
Chapter 10. Like Fire
"Memory, like fire, is radiant and immutable." ~X-files 3x01
Stella was aware of her mind switching into protective mode. She reached for Dana's arm, finding her hand and directing it down her body. 'I need this,' she said intently through clenched teeth. 'I need you to make me come.' Scully nodded into her breast, her tongue circling Stella's nipple a little rougher than before. She understood where Stella was going with this – if this was about sex, it wouldn't have to be about anything else.
If only for a moment she could forget about tomorrow, Scully thought as her hand travelled down Stella's damp body. If only she could let go of the imminent goodbye they were inevitably running towards and just focus on the sounds coming from the woman underneath her tender touch. However, she couldn't, and as she felt Stella slowly detach herself emotionally she did the same. It became methodical – she knew anatomically how the female body worked, so she could figure out how to make Stella come as quick as possible. She focused her lips and teeth on Stella's nipples as she entered her. Her fingers encountered impossible heat, softness and a clean slickness that struck Scully as a conundrum for a moment. How could this woman still be so put together, so on top of her game even when she was underneath Dana, panting and yearning for release?
She stopped analyzing what she felt as she felt Stella's hands in her hair. 'No,' she managed in between nips and tugs, and her free hand disentangled one of Stella's to force it down next to her. 'No.' Stella understood and from the slight tremble on the second 'no' she knew exactly what was going on in Dana's mind. Surrendering was hard, but sometimes it couldn't be easier, Stella thought as she pressed her eyes shut and focused her attention on the tingle in her belly. Dana was good, and it wouldn't take long for Stella to reach the point she'd thought she needed, the thing she thought would fix her current state of mind. But as Dana's fingers curled inside of her, as they unevenly moved up and down, wriggling a little, driving her crazy with the pressure it put on her G-spot she knew it was all a lie. It wouldn't fix her feelings. It wouldn't fix anything. However, it was too late to stop as Stella accidentally opened her eyes on a breath and caught a glimpse of Scully's tongue teasing her breast, her eyes closed, her brow furrowed slightly in concentration. Scully pressed on, using the thumb on her other hand to touch Stella's clit, feeling her contract deep inside. A moan that seemed to come from deep inside Stella roared to the surface, causing Scully to be pushed up and slightly off the bed with the force of Stella's otherwise quiet orgasm. Her upper body curved upwards, her breasts pressed into Dana's face and her lower body stayed pressed hard against Dana's hand as Stella's orgasm consumed them both. No words were spoken. No endearments were uttered. No age-old brick walls were torn down, nor were any rebuilt in any way. Their hearts remained exposed, vulnerable, susceptible to anything and everything that followed. And what followed was silence.
The room was quiet as two separate entities caught their breath. Stella turned away, facing the room, and Scully felt her heart sink. However, pride kept the shiver from running down her back. Pride kept her arm from reaching out and the tears from falling – This had been a bad idea to start with, it was her own fault for allowing it. She wondered for a moment if she should take Stella's key card out of her bag and sleep in her room – ridiculous, of course, but she considered it anyway as it might be easier than staying here, but in the end she decided against it. Turning on her back she created some distance between her and Stella and she watched from the corner of her eye how the blue and purple hues from outside lit Stella's naked shoulder. Scully tried to listen if Stella was awake or not, but she couldn't say for sure – suddenly it seemed crazy to touch her to find out. A tear formed and started to run in the corner of her eye. As soon as she felt it she knew more would follow – and follow they did, one after the other, a quiet march along her temples down into her hair. She cried quietly as not to disturb Stella, awake or asleep, but she couldn't help the small shudders of her body on the mattress as she mourned for something not yet lost.
On the other side of the bed Stella expected Scully to leave. She expected to feel the weight of Scully's body lifting off the bed. She expected to hear the bathroom door close, or the soft shuffling around of the lounge chair after soft footfalls padded through the room. When neither came Stella battled her own muscles for a minute – She felt the desperate need to put distance between them but her brain knew better than to break that which should not be bent. Dana was important and she should be treated as such. The rest of Stella's problems were Stella's to deal with – and she would, as soon as Dana was gone and New York was nothing but a memory. For now, she just needed to stare into an empty hotel room for a few hours and try to decide what she would say to Dana tomorrow. They had a date, she realized, to be on top of the highest tower in the city tomorrow and she didn't want to ruin that memory – everything she would say tomorrow morning would undoubtedly form that experience. So Stella lay quietly turned away from Dana, breathing as evenly as possible, her mind miles away trying to decide what she could say to Dana to make this better – even though she knew that every second she was turned away from her would make it harder to fix.
'Stella.'
No, she thought. No, I thought you were gone. 'I'm always here,' the deep voice answered her unsaid thought. 'You put me here and I'm never going to leave.' The room was dark, but Stella recognized it anyway – Room 203, Hilton, Belfast. The air was thick and cold but for once she wasn't on a bed, no, she was standing in the middle of the room. A dark form appeared in front of her, the well-known silhouette of her own personal monster. 'Come,' the voice said as the figure reached for her hand. 'Come and see what I've got for you.' No, Stella thought. I don't want to. She tried turning around to reach the door, but found that she couldn't – all she could do was feel his cold grip around her wrist and move with him towards the bed.
The first thing she saw was legs. Long, fair skinned and smooth legs, struggling and kicking to get free. As the form pulled her closer she averted her gaze – but not before a pair of recognizable panties came in to view and above that a whisper of ginger caught her eye. 'No, Stella,' the form urged her. 'Look. She looks so much like you.' Stella tried to close her eyes, tried with all her might to keep from looking at the body on the bed, but to no avail – somehow her eyes pulled towards the bed like a magnet, and she had no choice but to look into a familiar pair of bright blue eyes that screamed with anger and fear.
'No,' she yelled this time, and the man who was still holding her tightly huffed in amusement. 'Yes,' he said. 'Oh yes, Stella. She is beautiful, isn't she. Such a shame.' Stella felt something inside of her shift as she started to fight with everything she had. She kicked, scratched and punched all around her to get Spector to let her go, but it didn't work – there was such strength and force coming from him that Stella quickly realized the futility of her actions. However she couldn't stop – she wouldn't, she wasn't going to give up. Never. 'Dana,' she whispered involuntarily and Spector pulled her close, his lips to her ear. 'That's right. Dana. Do you know what I'm going to do with Dana, Stella? I'm going to kill her and you're going to watch. That's right,' he said before pushing her down onto the floor. Her head hit the wall hard and even though she felt no pain she was momentarily immobilized. 'No,' she managed again. All she could do was watch as Spector leaned in close to Dana, putting an open hand on her head before slowly dragging it down her face, over the bridge of her nose and down her cheek as his fingers spread out to press against her brows, eyes, pulling and scratching her cheeks and neck.
'Take me instead,' Stella heard herself mutter.
Where before she'd fought to stay alive, today she was going to fight to be killed if it meant that Dana would be safe. She would fight for Dana to live, and she would win, she had to. There was no other possible outcome – this is not how it's going to end, she thought. 'What?' Spector growled at her. 'I didn't hear you.' Stella cleared her throat. 'Take me. Do whatever you want to me, but don't hurt her.' 'Oh,' Spector slurred, 'you think you're going to be the heroine here. Sacrifice yourself. Well, Stella, sometimes it just doesn't work that way. You think you're so smart, but you're not. I'm going to do this and it's going to destroy you. It's what you deserve.' Stella cried and kicked and fought, thinking no, no, this isn't happening. She tried to make eye contact with Dana who was on the bed, but Dana had her eyes closed, her body having gone eerily quiet. 'Fight, Dana,' she tried to yell, but her voice was gone. I'll fight when you can't, she thought, but just as she tried to twist her way out of her invisible restraints she watched how Spector took two hands to Dana's neck and her eyes flew open in despair…
Scully woke to the sounds and movement of a distraught body next to her. 'No, please,' she heard Stella muffle into the pillow. 'Don't, please, Dana.' Scully turned, her heart reaching out for Stella, knowing the events of a few hours previous had most likely triggered a nightmare – she was vulnerable, her heart open, and that's when the monsters came, she knew from experience. Sitting up next to Stella she put her hands on Stella's shoulders, careful that Stella didn't hurt herself from her position on her stomach. When her touch had no effect she got out of bed, pulled a bath robe on and circled around to where Stella's face was yelling into the pillow, coughing for breath and pitched in fear. 'Stella please,' Scully said a little louder. 'Wake up, come on.' She grabbed Stella's wrist and brought her hand to her lips, hoping that touch would bring Stella out of her current state of mind. Thankfully it helped and Dana watched as Stella slowly calmed down and opened her eyes. 'That's it, you're okay,' she encouraged. 'You're okay.'
'Dana,' Stella whispered and Scully was slightly taken aback by what she saw in Stella's eyes. A fear unlike anything she'd seen Stella reveal before, and the way she grasped her hand told Dana more than anything she could put into words right now. 'Yeah, you had a dream,' Scully said softly. 'I need to write it down,' Stella said slightly urgently, looking around. They were in Scully's room, so of course Stella's dream journal wasn't here – Scully thought it useless to remind Stella so instead she just reached for a note pad she had lying out on the chair next to the window and handed it to Stella. 'I'll grab a glass of water,' she said softly before releasing Stella and standing up. Stella's eyes followed her around the room for a moment, and Scully felt her eyes burn in her back with their intensity. 'I'm okay,' Stella reassured her quickly when Scully looked back over her shoulders in concern. She wrote down a few phrases – nothing too detailed, but enough – before closing the note pad and pushing herself up against the headboard in the middle of the bed, pulling her knees up to hug her legs with her naked, trembling arms. She felt shaky, sweaty and cold at the same time, angry and sad. He was gone, she reminded herself like a mantra over and over again. He's dead. He's gone. He can't hurt you. He can't hurt Dana. He's dead. Gone.
She was still doing this, quietly, her eyes closed and her mouth moving soundlessly when Scully came back with one of the glasses provided by the hotel. 'Here, drink this,' Scully handed it to Stella before sitting down on the edge of the bed by Stella's legs. Stella had pulled the blanket up to cover herself and Scully gently put a hand on one of her arms. 'Do you want to talk about it?' Stella looked her square in the eye and Scully noticed a slight coldness in her gaze. 'Not particularly, no,' Stella said. 'I know this is not what you want to hear,' Scully said, 'But when you get back to England you have to find someone to talk to about this. It's going to eat you up if you don't.' Stella sighed and looked down at her legs, to the places that she knew held scars from long and not so long ago. It was unhealthy, she knew – but what other way to cope was there if everyone else thought you were always fine? 'I know,' she whispered. 'I won't let him.' Scully nodded. She didn't want this case from the past to destroy Stella any more than she wanted to linger there herself. Memory was a powerful thing, she knew, and it scared her to see Stella's nightmares impact her so badly. It separated her from reality, it separated her from finding peace and Scully knew from experience what that could do to a person.
Stella watched her glass of water quietly, trying to gauge Dana's mood and trying to appear unfazed and cold so she wouldn't have to talk about what had just happened. She needed Dana to leave her alone, but she didn't want her to leave – however the intense, unwavering attention Dana was paying her at this moment was uncomfortable in its intention. Dana was there for Stella's comfort. Stella didn't need it, or so she told herself, but Dana was there to give it anyway – to make sure she was okay, to make sure she would be when the day after tomorrow she'd leave and a world would be put between them. Scully's hand fell from her arm and Stella instantly missed the touch, that grounding feeling that she wasn't alone. Maybe she was. Maybe they all were, in the end. And maybe she'd been right all along – love, what an illusion. Still, somewhere in the back of her mind was a voice that said: You can't do this to her. And another voice, a quiet but steady whisper, coming from Dana: You can't do this to yourself. I won't let you. As if Dana heard her inner debate, as if she knew all too well the struggle going on inside Stella's mind and heart she moved to sit next to Stella against the headboard. For a single moment she hesitated, feeling lost in the void between brain and heart. However, Scully knew what she had to do. She pulled Stella close, not giving her any chance to protest or decline an offer, and as she felt two arms wrap around her Stella knew she had to accept this for what it was. A few hours ago their touch had been about denial. Right now it was about acceptance. Maybe that's what I love about you so much, Stella thought. You keep me honest. You won't let me be anyone but myself.
They didn't speak and they didn't need to. Stella's head found comfort and rhythm against Scully's heart as she learned to accept that there was nothing demanding in Scully's comforting touch. She didn't need to prove herself, at least not to Dana, and it was a revelation as well as a pitfall for Stella who had been doing nothing but proving herself all her life. Everything inside of her was screaming: I'll show you I'm strong enough. I'll show you I'm unaffected. I'll show you I'm not as weak as you think. I'll show you who's in control. I'll show you. But Dana heard her, and Dana silenced her. Without words, barely without touch Dana knew exactly what was going on in Stella's mind. And she was scared – what she'd seen in Stella's eyes had terrified her for a moment, because it showed a pain she hadn't seen from Stella before. This quiet, strong and unwavering woman who she'd had such a wondrous time with was still so much of a mystery to her that it unnerved her to see her so upset. Furthermore, the distance Stella had made her feel last night had hurt in a place where she'd thought only one person could hurt her, and he was nowhere to be seen. So even though Scully was glad to have Stella in her arms again she was also scared, afraid of what it all meant. Still, she was happy to be here right now, holding Stella close to her heart as she tried to find some peace within herself. Scully knew what power nightmares held – she'd seen Mulder, herself or her son die in many of them – and she knew how she'd felt all those nights waking up from them alone. Stella wasn't alone, and Scully hoped she could be that constant reminder for her just by holding her, softly landing a kiss in her hair, tightening her hold a little as she felt Stella release a sigh.
Neither of them kept an eye on the time. Little by little the lights outside diminished as people went to bed even though the faint array of colors continued to light up the air around them. Scully left Stella's side only once to get up, gingerly close the curtains and get back in bed, creating something both of them needed but knew they shouldn't have: An excuse to remain in denial. They didn't have to face the outside world, it wasn't there. As long as the curtains were closed and the moon was out they allowed the city to slow down time, and as time seemed to obey Stella felt Dana's pocket universe envelop her. If only for one day, she thought on the verge of sleep, I'll survive one day. I need to have her for one more day. Scully felt Stella slip away, still safely encircled by her arms, Stella's head on her collarbone. She allowed it to happen, knowing that this was mending them even though they didn't know what had been broken. Scully thought back to how she and Mulder used to not talk about what happened between them and how it had broken them, was still breaking them up to this point – and she promised herself not to do this to Stella. Their day had been too perfect and Scully had realized pretty clearly that there was something inherently unique about their relationship that she hadn't dared to name, but seeing the fear in Stella's eyes and hearing it in her voice had told Scully that she knew it as well. Stella wasn't a very open person, and neither was Scully, and she knew that this was a problem. However, there was only one way in which this was going to have any kind of resolution: If their future was going to be any kind of hopeful they needed to be truthful about their feelings for each other, and if that was going to happen Scully knew she needed to be the first one to address it. She didn't know if she had words in her vocabulary clear enough to explain to Stella how she felt but she knew she'd have to try. That last thought drifted through her brain until all she could see and feel was Stella, until finally sleep captured her as well.
A few hours later Scully woke up. Cold, she thought – she didn't remember going to sleep feeling cold. Then, she realized she was sitting up – in bed – Alone. There was a faint light coming from the bathroom and outside the sun was starting to come up. The curtains were open, didn't she close them? Scully was still trying to put everything together when she heard Stella come out of the bathroom, a bathrobe loosely waving around her body. 'I didn't mean to wake you,' she said hoarsely. Scully felt something inside her shiver with fear and regret at the sound of Stella's voice and the look in her eye as she avoided looking at Scully. It was clear she'd been crying. 'You didn't, I think,' Scully answered with a small smile. 'Come back to bed, it's early.' Stella shook her head lightly as she started collecting her clothes where they had been abandoned yesterday. 'I think I'm going for a swim before we leave, if you still want to go, that is,' she answered. 'I do, but you really have to come back to bed for a minute,' Scully urged. Something in her voice made Stella look up from her work – she'd been avoiding Scully's eyes since she exited the bathroom because she knew there was no hiding from Dana's mindpowers. She suspected she'd be toast the moment Dana looked into her eyes, and alas, she was.
'Please tell me what's wrong,' Dana pleaded as she caught Stella's worrying eyes. Sighing deeply Stella abandoned her clothes on a chair and wrapped the bathrobe around her waist, tying the belt before sitting on the edge of the bed. 'Is your back sore?' she deflected effectively, noticing Dana's slight hunch. 'It's fine,' Scully answered. 'Is yours?' Stella smiled. 'A little, and not in a good way.' Dana looked her in the eye just a moment beyond comfort. 'Don't do that.' 'Do what?' Stella said softly, breaking eye contact. Scully scooted a little closer, searching for Stella's gaze. 'Don't make this about sex.' Stella smiled and frowned at the same time, a look Scully had come to associate with a conflict in Stella's mind. Please stay strong, one side was yelling at her. Please let her in, the other was crying out. This morning her defenses just weren't as strong as they used to be and Stella felt her heart buckle under the pressure of Dana's intense softness. She looked up, daring to meet Dana's eyes, knowing she'd be lost to their infinite wisdom, but deciding that was the only thing she wanted. 'Sorry,' she whispered. Scully just allowed her this moment, knowing that Stella was learning as well even though she tried not to show it. 'Just don't leave,' she pleaded after a few seconds and Stella couldn't do anything but crawl back onto the bed and let Scully take the place that Stella had been in all night.
A few minutes later Scully pushed herself up and looked up at Stella. 'When is your flight?' she asked tentatively. She didn't want to put any pressure on their time here but she needed to know how much they had left. 'It doesn't matter,' Stella said softly, searching Scully's face with her eyes. She tucked a lock of Scully's morning bed hair behind her ear and allowed her hand to linger. 'But it does,' Scully answered. 'It matters to me.' Stella released Dana from her grasp and stood up from the bed, gathering her clothes again to go and get dressed. 'Tomorrow evening,' she answered from a distance. 'But I'm sure arrangements can be made.' 'No,' Scully said. 'I think it's good, we need to get back to our normal lives. In order to be rational about this we need to go home.' Stella knew it was true, she'd concluded the same thing, but it bothered her how much hearing the actual words hurt her. 'I know,' she just answered before disappearing into the bathroom. Scully decided to get out of bed as well, and for the first time today she noticed the sun. It was promising to be a beautiful day as soft hues of pink and red were starting to appear between the skyscrapers, the sun's first kiss to the day. Stella exited the bathroom just as Scully had decided what to wear, and she was happy to notice no tears this time. Stella looked better, calmer, and she regarded Scully for a moment before speaking. 'I'm going to pop down to my room to get ready,' she said and Dana nodded. 'See you in thirty minutes?' Stella smiled. 'Yes.' She looked Dana over for a moment before turning to leave the room. 'Stella?' Dana called as she approached quietly. As Stella turned, a question on her face, she felt Dana's hands come up to her face and clasp it softly before gingerly pressing their lips together, their mouths soft and lips smiling in relief. As Stella broke the kiss she tried to keep a neutral face but she knew her lips gave her away. 'Good morning,' Scully said softly. 'Good morning, love,' Stella answered and with a raise of her eyebrow turned to leave.
About one hour later they were on the subway, having eaten a quick breakfast on the go and finishing their morning coffees on the train. As they neared Fulton St Station Scully felt the air between them slowly tense up again. 'You're so quiet,' she said to Stella in an attempt to open up a conversation. 'Hm,' Stella just replied as she moved towards the door. It was a rush hour train down to Wall Street, so of course it was crowded and there were bodies everywhere eavesdropping on their conversation but Scully really didn't care. 'Stella, please,' she said a little more urgently. 'Just tell me what I can do.' She instinctively knew it wasn't something she had done or said, it was just the gravity of their situation that was weighing down on Stella as it had been on her. Scully was just in a different state of mind, desperately looking for their human connection. She too wasn't coping well, but she knew time went by too quickly as it was, and she didn't want to waste it by not communicating with the woman who had made this trip so special. Stella looked at her, head turned down towards the floor but her eyes focused on Scully's. 'You can come here and let me show you how good the world can be,' Stella said softly and Scully sighed, breaking eye contact. 'Okay, just promise me you'll be there with me.' Stella reached out and took her hand, leading her onto the platform as the doors opened. 'I will,' she said simply. Scully clutched Stella's hand and exited the train after her, following Stella through the subway station up onto the street. They came up onto Broadway and Scully marveled once more at how Stella seemed to know exactly where to go. She followed her through the masses, flowing waves of people ahead and behind making her feel small and singled out at the same time. Stella navigated the crowds effortlessly and soon they were right in front of the tower. Scully had been here before, of course – she'd visited the 9/11 memorial site a number of times but she'd never taken the time to go up in the tower. Why she couldn't remember, it hadn't been something she wanted to do, but right now it was the only thing that seemed right. She followed Stella, still holding her hand, around the building to the entrance on the west side. They passed the memorial pools and Stella glanced back at her for a moment to make sure she didn't want to spend a few minutes there, but Scully reassured her with a smile and a squeeze of her hand. As they got to the doors Scully saw a few groups of people gathering, tourists no doubt, waiting to go in. 'Come on,' Stella said, taking Scully to the door. They quickly got their tickets and joined the queue that was forming, waiting to go in. It didn't take long for the doors to open and for the guards to allow people to enter.
About fifteen minutes later Scully grasped Stella's hand again as they watched a video on one of the top floors. It was the music that got to her first, but the moment the panels in front of them moved away to reveal New York below them she gasped. Stella leaned back into her a little and Scully felt how she laced their fingers together. 'It's beautiful,' she whispered as they listened to what the audio had to say. The sun was still slowly rising and the entire sky was a myriad of grey, blue and gold and the city was clouded by a morning mist. Stella kept their hands clasped together as she lead Dana past the picture point onto the platform where the views were the best. They were the first ones there, Stella having ushered them past a few others down onto the escalators. Scully felt Stella's hand on the small of her back and Stella's hair against her ear as they walked towards the windows. 'Look,' Stella whispered in awe. 'Isn't it gorgeous?' It really was and Scully felt tears come to her eyes. They had a few precious seconds to themselves up here before the first of the other guests started to come up, and they took full advantage of it by walking to the windows farthest from the stairs. Scully put her arm around Stella's lower back as well, pulling her in close to savor the moment together. 'This is so nice,' she said softly. 'Nice?' Stella mocked jokingly. 'Come on, you can do better than nice.' Scully looked at her, searching Stella's face while looking for and gambling on the right words. 'It's breathtaking, love,' she whispered with a trembling voice. Stella, who had bravely held her gaze, blinked slowly and a careful smile spread around her lips. There it was again, Dana thought, that little crinkle of tense skin between Stella's perfect brows. It had appeared there before, often in times when they hadn't needed any words. Right now, however, words were exactly what they needed as it seemed to be the only thing anchoring them to reality. 'It really is,' Stella acknowledged, still not backing down from Dana's open stare. 'I can't think of a more perfect way to spend a sunrise than here, with you.' It was a quiet confession, a truth so out there that Stella almost hadn't been brave enough to say it – but now that she had she felt free. Scully nodded slowly, her gaze still glued to Stella's, as Stella witnessed a similar crease on Dana's forehead prelude a tear running down her cheek.
As people started to gather around them, Stella and Scully found a little niche to create their own reality – somewhere in the North West corner of the 102nd floor of the highest building in New York they leaned against the windows and against each other as they came back to each other. Stella pointed out where they had walked yesterday and Scully quietly observed as she felt Stella slowly settle in her personal space. She had been gone for a little while, strong, courageous but sensitive and vulnerable Stella, but she was slowly starting to emerge again and Scully had no intention of letting her go again until they absolutely had to, and that wasn't for at least another 24 hours. As Scully leaned against the window sill she angled her body towards Stella, her hand coming to rest on the curve of Stella's lower back as Stella's shoulder planted itself firmly against Scully's collarbone. Simultaneously they released a deep sigh, the tension from last night evaporating before their eyes like the morning mist that clouded New York's tallest buildings. The sun started to shine again, slowly but surely rising above and beyond any lingering clouds and Scully couldn't help but feel the significance. They were quiet, listening to the crowds around them, watching the city emerge from the night as people came and went everywhere next to them. It created a strange form of privacy, with people from all over the world around them but all of them having a unique experience. Their moment was theirs alone, as was their entire story, and Scully hoped it would never lose its significance.
After about an hour of small shifts and a million of tiny, reassuring touches Scully turned to face Stella. 'It's a miracle the guards haven't kicked us out yet,' she said softly, her chin raised to Stella's. 'They know better,' Stella replied confidently. 'Besides, do we look suspicious to you?' 'Not in a bad way,' Scully smiled. 'Don't make this about sex, agent Scully,' Stella joked and raised herself to stand up from Scully's shoulder. Scully blushed slightly but didn't back away from Stella's gaze. Slowly she moved in to kiss Stella, intending for it to be a soft, sweet kiss. When she released Stella's lips she felt Stella's gaze wonder over her face before she felt Stella's hands caress her cheeks. Softly Stella pushed Dana back into the wall and kissed her harder, more passionately, more meaningful than before. Scully could feel the attention of some eyes in the room turn on them but she didn't mind it, she found she really didn't care. Stella kept the kiss short and broke away when she must have felt Scully blush, roaming her expression and eyes for a moment to make sure Dana wasn't ashamed or uncomfortable. Scully however met her eyes bravely. 'Please don't disappear again,' she whispered softly to Stella. 'I won't, I promise,' Stella responded before dropping her gaze to the floor. 'It's a coping mechanism, I know,' Scully reassured her. 'But we've got so little time left, I need you to be present.' Stella looked up again and Scully saw the change in her eyes. 'Life passes in moments,' Stella said, a rough edge to her voice. 'Some moments will stay with you forever, the good and the bad. What we chose to do with them and the power we give them is up to us.' Scully nodded, took Stella's hand again and led her to wander the floor to the other side of the observatory. 'The brain has a way of remembering the bad things, though,' she said. 'Unless we can deal with it and accept it we'll never be free of it.' Stella just followed her quietly for a second. 'What do you dream about at night, Dana?' Stella asked tentatively as they reached the other side of the floor. Looking out across the Brooklyn Bridge Scully sighed. 'Death,' she answered honestly. 'And alternative paths in life. Choices I that I could not control that have shaped who I am.' Stella looked at her, taking her place just behind Scully's right shoulder again. 'Do you regret a lot of choices you've made?' she asked. 'Some, yes,' Scully answered, 'but in the end, I wouldn't want to change a thing. I've had amazing and unique experiences that I wouldn't want to miss for the world.' Stella nodded, her chin touching Scully's shoulder blade. She didn't reply, decided to not volunteer any information about her own choices and Scully noticed it but decided to let it go. She knew she was stretching Stella's emotional involvement as it was and the last thing she needed was for Stella to retreat again. 'Do you still want to walk the bridge?' she asked instead. 'The weather looks nice enough,' Stella said. 'If you're up for it, I called in a favor and I'd like to take you somewhere.' Scully raised an eyebrow at her. 'How can I say no?' 'You can't, that's the plan,' Stella smiled.