Author's Note: Dear readers, this is the last chapter of this story. I'm working on a new story over on AO3 (White Christmas) that I'll post under a different name here so that it can hopefully be the start of a collection. I love this couple and I can't let them go.
Enjoy.
Courage Is A Woman.
Chapter 15
"What will not woman, gentle woman dare; when strong affection stirs her spirit up?"
As Stella tried to exhaust her trembling body in the pool she came to a cold realization. As her muscles strained to increase her pace she felt her core and was reminded of everything she and Dana had shared – and that the last of those encounters had probably come and gone without them fully realizing it. She remembered promises of more from yesterday but somehow this morning had been completely contrary to how she had imagined it. She knew Dana's intention was to try and find their professionalism that was the basis of their friendship and to leave it there for now, but Stella understood how that need was born out of fear more so than logic. The alternative was open and complete heartbreak and that was something they were both utterly uncomfortable with and not in any way ready for. Stella already missed Dana's tentative touch, her explorations, the wonder in her eyes at the way Stella responded to her tender fingers. Still, she had said to meet her downstairs in now an hour and fifteen minutes and that meant they'd be heading off to the library after breakfast. Stella was more or less packed, having done so in the short forty minutes she had just spent in her room so she wouldn't have to rush later. That meant that they'd check out after breakfast and that would be it. That would be the end of their private conversations, intimate encounters and uniquely personal experiences. As she started another lap she realized she couldn't just end it like this.
Scully was quietly stuffing her pants into their packing cubes when she heard a knock on her door. 'Who is it?' she inquired, not expecting any visitors. 'Dana, it's me,' she heard Stella strongly state on the other side of the door. Frowning she looked at the time, was it that late already? No, she still had an hour left and yet somehow Stella was here. Slightly confused and worried she opened the door and saw Stella standing there, her hair up in a towel, dressed in a silk blouse and pants and looking down to the side as if the hinges would open the door if only she looked hard enough. 'Stella, what…' It was all Scully could say before Stella locked eyes with her, pushed her back inside and turned her to maneuver her into the door. It clicked shut against the doorframe and Scully's head hit back against it but Stella's descending lips made her forget any pain. 'Stel,' she tried to get in, but Stella wasn't giving her anything – she was intent on taking everything she could. As Stella devoured Scully's lips and mouth Scully tried to squirm away, tried to push her back, not because she didn't want it but because she was afraid – afraid of whatever emotion was manipulating Stella into this kind of desperation. Stella wouldn't let her get away, trapping her between the door and her body, aching to feel her closer one last time. Stella's fingers worked on the buttons of Scully's top and somehow simultaneously opened her own, leaving Scully in her T-shirt and Stella in her cream colored lace bra. As Stella finally let go of Scully's lips she locked eyes with Dana for a second, trying to gauge if the severity of the situation needed explaining. Scully smiled a small smile and pulled her T-shirt over her head to join the rest of their clothes in a pile. 'I need you,' she whispered softly and pulled Stella close again, kissing her full bottom lip before lavishing her tongue between her lips once more. Stella pulled back a little to undo Dana's bra as Scully's hands had already freed Stella's back from the clasp that lay there, imprisoning the softest part of Stella's body. Scully's hands tore the bra straps from Stella's shoulders and discarded of the bra before finding her jaw line with her lips, breathing into the soft skin there before kissing a path back to Stella's lips. Stella's hands were everywhere and Scully felt her all around her, strong, demanding and in control and she loved it. This was a side of Stella she hadn't experienced yet – she knew of its existence and she'd seen it in a professional setting but she hadn't actually been pushed against a door and taken in this way by Stella before. Sure, she'd been in control, she'd pushed her against walls and she'd left her with no choice but to surrender to orgasm but this felt different. Stella was trying to be strong, for both of them, and the juxtaposition of it was interesting and alluring to Scully as she felt both empowered and infinitely helpless.
Stella's hand pushed its way into Scully's leggings and she spread her legs on instinct, welcoming her searching fingers and pushing at her pants to feel Stella's naked ass in her hands. Stella took one of her wrists and pinned it against the door, holding her there, without words but her intention loud and clear as her lips stilled a little. Her kiss became soft and intimate contrary to her searching hand that had pushed its way into Dana's panties and found her lower lips already wet with anticipation. Stella's towel dropped from her head in a feathery sound and her hair fell loose around her face, still wet and tangled like everything else around them. 'Stella,' Scully sighed into Stella's mouth and Stella leaned back a little to look upon Dana's face. Stella was quiet as she searched Dana's eyes for discomfort and found none. Her eyes settled on Dana's lips, watching how her tongue darted out and how her lower lip got caught between her teeth as Stella stroked and pushed. She entered Dana with two fingers and felt her tight walls around her, grabbing her fingers immediately as Scully's brow frowned and arched simultaneously. Stella pulled back and stroked her lips once more before pushing one finger up her wet channel, testing her before adding the second to make sure the frown she'd seen hadn't been born out of discomfort because she couldn't be sure. Scully moaned this time and her head turned to the side, laying against the hand that Stella still had pinned there. Stella pushed Dana's leggings down and off her legs before nudging her knees apart a little, smiling inwardly at the way Dana held her arm up against the wall as if it was stuck there. Dana's eyes opened and followed Stella's head as her lips fell to Dana's breasts, where her bra was still hanging loosely from her soft globes. Stella's lips encountered a soft dusky blue fabric first before pushing it out of the way. The soft crackle of ripping fabric sounded loudly in the room causing them both to chuckle before Stella pushed Dana back on a moan and captured her nipple between her lips. Scully forgot how to chuckle as she breathlessly felt Stella everywhere, all over and inside her, all at once and she wondered for a brief second how she was going to live without this. Since they had silently agreed not to talk she just enjoyed Stella's sudden need for contact and reveled in the way she took it. Soon the waves of desire in Dana's body were unmistakable to both of them as Scully's body sank lower onto Stella's hand, her knees struggling to hold her up. Stella moved in closer, pulling the last remaining pieces of clothing from Scully's body with a huff before dropping onto her knees and burying her cheek in Dana's tummy. Her nails raked along Scully's side and Scully pushed her skin into Stella, needing her hands on her nipples and on her clit more than she needed her next breath. The hand that wasn't supporting her entire body weight against the wall roughly directed Stella's searching fingers up to her nipples, pushing her upper body into Stella's palm as she hummed her pleasure through closed lips. Stella listened and replied to the call of Dana's body as her fingers picked up their pace inside of Dana, pumping into her on a steady rhythm as Stella set out on a quest to find Dana's most sensitive areas. She quickly found a rhythm that sent Dana's eyes rolling backwards into her head and a loud moan broke the silence that had been surrounding and safeguarding them. It broke like glass around them and Stella winced at the sudden loss of reverence in the air but she welcomed Dana's vocalism and openness with a swirl of her tongue around Dana's navel, pushing her body closer into Dana's leg to hold her up. She kept stroking, pushing in and out steadily and strongly as Dana slowly unraveled before her eyes. She had meant to make Dana come hard and fast before confessing her desires to her but now she wanted to prolong it, keep Dana on the edge for a moment before pushing her hard through that final barrier into oblivion. The woman in her arms however seemed to have different ideas as her body betrayed her and hurled closer and closer to that inevitable edge. Dana's inner walls clenched around her fingers and one look at Dana's lips told Stella she was close, her voice changing from a breathy whimper to an insistent moan as her fingers dug into Stella's arm. 'Stella,' Scully said once, meant as a winded warning but with such desire that Stella couldn't help but search for her eyes. Finding them was easy, she was pulled inevitably into Scully's baby blue pools of azure wisdom like a magnet and she knew their separation would be equally as hard. Scully met her eyes, tears on the verge of falling with her into an abyss so deep she was sure she'd never return from it as Stella's body asked something of her that she was almost afraid to give. The tenderness that showed in Stella's eyes was enough for her to at least trust Stella, even if she didn't fully trust herself, and with that she pushed down on Stella's hand and bit her lip once more encouraging Stella to continue. She did, increasing her tempo and pressure on Dana's G-spot a little, dragging her lips and tongue all across Dana's belly and sides before sinking her teeth into the skin on her hip. Scully felt a blinding pleasure approach like a swarm of birds, freely, chaotically but fully coordinated and orchestrated by Stella's fingers on her and inside of her and without as much as a touch to her clit Scully came in an orgasm that tore through her like a tornado through an autumn tree – taking with it everything that was willing to go, everything she had she gave to Stella in a moment that was unexpected and incredibly moving to both of them. Tears streamed quietly down Scully's face as she pulled Stella up and buried her face in her hair, willing her tears to be lost in the unruly tresses that surrounded them. Stella held Dana's head close for a moment before pulling back, grabbing Dana's bra off the floor.
'I needed to see you,' she explained softly, handing Dana the bra. Scully looked at it, inspecting where she'd heard the rip and quickly giving up on pretending she cared about it at all. She dropped it back on the floor and looked at Stella, waiting for more of an explanation. Stella felt what was needed from her and willingly gave it. She took Scully's hair and pushed it out of her face into a loose ponytail, twisting it around a few times before leaving it behind her back. She grabbed Dana's T-shirt off the floor as well, holding it out for Dana to ignore and she smiled as Dana took it from her and pulled it over her head as well as pulling on her panties, covering herself slightly before taking Stella's hand and leading her to the nearest sofa. 'One last time,' Stella whispered to her and Dana nodded. 'One last time.' 'I was afraid you'd go all professional on me at the library and I wouldn't get another chance,' Stella admitted. Dana nodded. 'That was the idea. I think it's better if we leave this on a friendly note. You know, make it easier.' Stella nodded, sitting down while pulling Dana down onto her lap. She was naked from the waist up but she truly didn't care and she reveled in the softness of Dana's t-shirt against her naked skin, leaning her cheek against the side of Dana's breast as Dana wrapped one arm around her neck. 'You're right, but we're not there yet,' Stella said. 'We have almost an hour left before we have to meet for breakfast.' 'And another two after that until checkout,' Dana added, 'but we have so much to do. I have to pack…' Stella interrupted her with a soft kiss to the fabric closest to her and a squeeze as her hand found Dana's. 'I know. I was merely joking. I was swimming laps and I realized that I might never get to do that again.' Scully shook her head lightly. 'We said we'd talk, and we will,' she started. 'We can't just let this go. I can't do that.' Stella nodded. 'I agree, but I was still fearful of taking that risk. There's a chance that I might never get to see you again. I know it's not what we're aiming for but life happens and as time passes who knows what will happen to us.' 'I don't want your realism,' Scully admitted quietly, 'But I know I can't rely on magic or fate. Stella wrapped both her arms tightly around Dana's midsection and buried her face in the side of her breast again, feeling Dana's hand on her cheek holding her close as they thought about what they were about to do. 'I thought about what you said yesterday,' Scully said carefully. 'About us needing time apart and I think I agree. I'm just not ready to put us on a schedule.' Stella chuckled softly into Dana's side, sending a ticklish shiver up her spine at the unexpected sensation. 'I don't even know any more if that's the right thing. I know we both have a lot going on and that will take time. But who is to say that we can't be of help to each other through all of it?' Scully dropped her chin into Stella's hair, rubbing it softly in contemplation. 'I think you're right and we should take some time first. Let everything settle, see how we feel. I mean... I'm with Mulder, I have to think about what to do first because I know I have very deep and meaningful feelings for him. But I also know he has problems that I can't fix.' Stella sighed and leaned back. Scully removed her arm from behind Stella's neck to allow her to lean her head more comfortably and Stella shifted her a little on her lap to put her in an intimate position as she pulled her knee up behind Dana's back. The chair was big enough to hold them like this, Scully sitting with her legs over one of Stella's and over the side of the chair as she folded into the V of Stella's legs and leaned her shoulder into Stella's side. Her arm fit perfectly into the space under Stella's and her head came to lie on Stella's shoulder close to her naked breast. Dana sighed at the perfect intimacy of it all and relaxed against Stella's body one last time before they would have to pull up their walls and prepare for bad weather. After a few moments Scully turned her face to carefully kiss the skin under her cheek, where a faint scar adorned the woman warrior that was beneath her. Softly she sighed and tried to muster the courage to speak.
'Can I say it?' she asked quietly.
Stella's bottom lip trembled and instinctively she clenched her teeth to stop it. She felt the walls closing in on her, because she had anticipated this moment but found she was as ill-prepared as ever. This was dangerous. This broke a rule and still, she knew that if she just allowed it to happen it wouldn't hurt. Relaxing her jaw again she was overwhelmed by memories of people telling her what to do in a situation like this – lower your shoulders, loosen your jaw, release your tongue from pressing against the roof of your mouth – She did it all and bravely looked down at where Dana was expectantly looking up at her. 'Yes,' she said softly. 'Yes, you can.'
'I love you,' Scully whispered, as if to test how the words were formed on her lips. As if she'd never said them before and wanted to test their value, their weight and their significance – but there was no doubt about what they meant between them as Stella felt a strange shiver run all the way up from her toes to the crown of her head and the tips of her fingers. It made her slightly lightheaded and it transported her away for a moment but soon she was back on planet Earth, in New York, with Dana Scully and all she could do was turn her face down towards the beautiful redhead's lips and kiss her, kiss her like there was no tomorrow. Because for them, there wouldn't be.
Scully closed her eyes and accepted the kiss openly, happy that she'd taken the chance and gathered the courage to just say it like this, on its own, without any devaluation or context. It was true, she loved Stella Gibson and there was no way around it. It was new to her, undiscovered country, and she knew that it was to Stella as well as she'd worked half her life moving away from something like this. Yet here they were, in this together, about to be separated to different sides of the world but still madly in love. She felt how Stella's hand wiped away a tear she didn't know had left her and she smiled into the kiss. 'I'm happy,' she managed, trying to reassure Stella that these weren't sad tears. As she opened her eyes she saw how Stella nodded and wiped away a tear of her own, dabbing it into her shining skin before raising an eyebrow at Scully in complete and utter understanding. 'Me too,' she replied, seemingly to Scully's statement of happiness but Scully knew it was an admission of so much more. Stella might never be able to say it back but really, she didn't have to. She had already shown Scully a thousand times over that she was capable of a love that ran much deeper than Scully's ever had and even though Stella might not trust herself to be strong enough give it Scully trusted her, and she knew that together they'd be strong enough to deal with absolutely everything. They stayed close to each other for a few minutes, relaxing, knowing that their joined heartbeats meant the passing of time but that it also meant the precious gift of a few more shared moments. Stella felt stronger than she'd imagined, always having feared that to be loved by someone meant to owe them the same in return but with Dana it was natural. Of course she loved her, more than life itself and she was sure Dana knew that. Still, hearing her say the words had made it so much more real that Stella wondered if Dana would miss it if she didn't say it back. She still didn't, not because she didn't want to but because she simply lacked the tools to know how to handle it. Slowly she felt how Dana's words sank in for both of them and how okay it was to have them out there. Stella smiled at the feeling that because they were out there, it was true, and somehow the words would take care of themselves for as long as they'd have to until one of them was ready to use them again. 'We'll be okay,' she said softly to Dana. 'I know we will be.' Scully nodded into her shoulder and placed a kiss there. Stella pushed herself up a little and Scully moved to stand, pushing herself out of the chair with straining arms. She watched Stella stand as well, still gloriously nude and unashamed. Scully's hands came up to Stella's collarbones, tracing the lines to her shoulder and following the curve upwards to her face. Holding Stella's face in her hands she admired every freckle, every slight imperfection on her beautiful face one more time before kissing it goodbye. Stella felt it in Scully's kiss, this was to be their last kiss. For now. She accepted it and made sure to press one last peck on the corner of Scully's mouth before she fully let her go. Grabbing her blouse off the floor she smiled over her shoulders. 'Breakfast in twenty, Dana.' Scully nodded and smirked at the slight disarray in which Stella would be leaving her room. So unlike her, she thought, and the preciousness of that tiny bit of knowledge was monumentally important to have.
Stella came downstairs a few minutes late, unlike her but understandably so given the way she'd spent her morning messing up all her previously planned scheduling. She'd taken a shower, a long one, after skillfully bringing herself to orgasm twice by her own hands but with an image of Dana clearly inside her head. She'd even called her name, on accident, and she'd felt free and happy until she'd been brutally reminded of their parting by a notification on her phone that she was checked in and ready to leave and did she want to pick a different chair. What, would it have Dana Scully in it? If not, she wasn't interested.
As she exited the lift she was met with the most composed version of Dana Scully she'd seen since the conference, which seemed like weeks ago. Scully was dressed in a smart skirt, blouse and blazer that fit her figure perfectly. Her high heels lifted her a little above Stella, who was in heels herself. Scully's outward appearance would have been enough to peak her interest on any day, but today she told herself she had to resist it – This was a business meeting. Business breakfast, if there was such a thing. So she smiled kindly at Dana, felt an immense feeling of longing and a stinging sadness when she didn't extend her hand for Stella to take and upon entering the café decided to sit in the seat opposite Dana instead of the one next to her – this would be helpful to them, it was all an act but it would help them. Scully smiled at her, thankful for understanding and cooperating, and Stella lifted her chin as if to say: This is my game and I know this better than anyone. Don't try to beat me at my own game. Scully understood and backed off a little, the atmosphere between them quickly shifting into friendly conversation instead of strained silence. Breakfast was good, hearty, and Stella skipped the coffee in favor of sleeping on the plane. Scully requested a take away cup and Stella wondered if she should remind her that there was no coffee allowed in the library but she decided against it –it seemed dangerous to challenge Dana, to test their fragile equilibrium, so she smiled when Dana looked at her and gestured for her to lead the way. They checked out, left their luggage at the reception and took just a few files with them to work on in the incredible silence and peace of the library amongst the busy streets of New York.
'This is good,' Stella commented as Scully pointed out a theory she'd thought of before but had now confirmed in a forensics handbook. 'You see, there can be extensive brain damage and people still remember everything. It's entirely possible that he knew all along. You were in mortal danger in that interrogation room pushing him like that.' Stella nodded, grabbing another book from the stack they had collected. She flicked her hair out of her face and flipped through the pages trying to find what she was looking for. 'Here,' she pointed at a paragraph as Scully leaned over. 'He felt threatened by me personally, so I think he waited his chance to attack me but he had it planned all along.' Scully hummed and frowned in concentration as she read the paragraph of the psychology handbook Stella was showing her. She smelled a mixture of her shampoo and the hotel toiletries in Stella's hair and it threw her off a little, almost forgetting that it was no longer allowed to smell her hair. But she didn't forget, and she didn't lean in that tiniest bit to catch a whiff of Stella's comforting and strengthening scent, and she didn't look when Stella raised an eyebrow at her proximity. Stella leaned back a little, grabbing her laptop to take notes and Scully refocused on the books in front of them. She'd shared her notes from a few days ago with Stella and they'd come to the conclusion that this would definitely help any case against Stella, given the fact that they'd almost irrevocably proven that Spector had faked his amnesia in favor of his court case. It didn't bring anyone back, no matter how much Stella wanted it to, but it helped. Stella took notes of everything, including book titles and pages, and Scully chuckled when Stella took a picture of her written notes and sent it to her computer. 'You're being thorough,' she commented. 'One can never be too thorough,' Stella replied, 'if I skip a step now I'll regret it later. I'm not one to regret things later.' Scully nodded. 'I know that feeling.'
About two hours later they'd finished as much as they would get done today and Stella stated she wanted to get to the airport early so they decided to call it a day. Stella thanked the staff after leaving a substantial amount of books with them to put back before walking out onto the steps down onto the street. Scully followed her, admiring the determined click of her heels on the concrete and the slight sway in her hips as if she was still allowed to. She caught herself, but allowed herself this tiny privilege of watching Stella walk one last time before they'd say goodbye. She knew she had a strong walk in heels, but Stella's was on another level and quietly Scully studied and practiced, following Stella back to the hotel being only half a stride behind her all the way.
They collected their luggage, made sure all the bills were paid and Stella left a generous tip before leaving the hotel for good. 'I'm taking a cab to JFK,' Stella announced when they were on the street. 'I don't know what your plans were for getting home.' 'I didn't have anything planned, I don't have to fly,' Scully said. 'I'll take the train or something.' It wasn't really her style but she felt like it, then anonymity of the train appealing to her as she was bound to be at least a little unsettled by the fact that she was about to say goodbye to Stella. 'All right,' Stella said, 'I think that's me.' She pointed at a cab coming around the corner to stop in front of the hotel. The driver stepped out and greeted them. 'Gibson?' he asked. Stella raised her chin at him. 'Detective Superintendent Gibson? She asked for clarification. The man nodded . 'Yes ma'am, that's the one.' Stella smiled kindly at him. 'Then that would be me. Could you give me a second?' The driver nodded, taking her bags from her and starting towards the end of the car to put them away. 'Well, this is it then,' Stella turned to Scully. 'I guess so,' Scully answered, her eyes focused on her feet as Stella tried desperately to look into her eyes. Finally, she lifted a finger under Scully's chin and raised it to meet her eyes. 'Don't avoid it,' Stella said softly. 'You know that the only thing between us will be distance. And no distance of place or lapse of time can lessen the friendship of those who are thoroughly persuaded of each other's worth.' Scully smiled at her. 'Blake?' she asked. 'Southey, but I'm impressed,' Stella replied. 'Hmm,' Scully replied and gave Stella one last affectionate smile. 'He's right, and we'll prove it,' she said. 'Yes, we will,' Stella answered with a slow nod. 'Give it time and I am positive it will do for us what is best. Think about what it would mean to you, what your choices would do to your past and your future and decide wisely, like I know you will,' she said. Scully just pursed her lips and nodded, trying to figure out what she was feeling. She knew this moment was coming, but somehow all she longed for was to take Stella's hand and never let her go again. She had serious doubts of her ability to survive the next few minutes and she prayed that her legs would keep her up, as she had only once or twice in her entire life experienced such an intensity of emotion as she knew she was about to with Stella's leaving. She remembered finding out that Mulder was gone. Finding out she was pregnant, and worse of all, finding out that her partner, her life, was dead. It had almost torn her apart, but it hadn't, and somehow she had survived. No matter how thin that life line had been, she'd taken it and used it and she'd lived. Surely she was being overdramatic here but Scully truly felt as if every stitch that had ever held her heart together was about to be ripped out and as she dared to look into Stella's eyes she wondered who'd be doing the ripping – because what she saw there was pure agony hidden behind layers and layers of practiced indifference.
'Thank you for everything,' Scully said softly, knowing the driver was waiting and they'd agreed not to make this harder than necessary. 'You too, take care love,' Stella said and bit her lip at the slip of her tongue. 'Sorry.' Scully shook her head shortly before stepping in to carefully and platonically hug Stella close for a second. As they pulled back Stella nodded one last time. 'All right then. I'm off. I will update you on the case if I can, Dr. Scully.' 'Good,' Scully replied. 'Have a safe trip.' With that Stella searched her eyes one last time before turning to sit in the car. Scully watched, hands in her pockets as Stella's cab drove off and turned the corner. A deep shivering sigh found its way through Scully's tightening chest and with it, a solitary tear rolled down her cheek. She caught it with the ball of her hand and flashed on a memory of Stella doing a similar thing. A smile broke through the clouds settling in her brain and Scully decided that she never wanted to forget how Stella looked with tears in her eyes because she knew it was a precious gift that she and not many other people had ever been given. Scully stood on the curb for a good ten minutes before she remembered how to move – walk, her brain told her, around the corner onto Park Avenue and uptown towards the station. As her legs switched to autopilot so did her brain and soon she thought that maybe it had all been a dream. As she settled into a first class seat on the train headed home she opened her note pad filled with random pieces of ripped off paper to organize it and a little note fell out. She recognized the handwriting as Stella's.
'He's there. He has Dana. I'd die for Dana.'
Slowly, Scully put down the note pad on the tray table in front of her. Her elbows came to lean on the fragile piece of train furniture as her hands catch her face, falling, sobbing as slowly everything finally comes down on her. Stella Gibson loves her.
As Stella's plane took off she looked back across the lights that had started to shine all along the horizon. It was dark now, and New York State was lit up by hundreds and hundreds of white and yellow dots everywhere around them. As the buildings got smaller and the plane climbed into the sky Stella sighed deeply, shuddered with the emptiness that had settled in her stomach and tried to adjust to the feeling. This was the new Stella. Empty inside, but still a little different. For now, she knew someone who might be worth fighting for. A woman who was braver, more beautiful and more intelligent than anything or anyone she'd ever seen. If courage were a woman, Stella thought, it would be Dana Katherine Scully.