Kagome did not fully register what Sesshomaru had said until they had landed back in his room. He then proceeded to do something with her aura and his to connect her to the floating castle which part of her guessed was not currently floating over Japan, thus making the demonic wards accepting her without question. He seemed tired so the traveling must have taken quite a bit of energy out of him as well. By the time she looked back up at him he was staring at her directly in the place she currently felt the most vulnerable.
Her eyes.
Her freaking eyes.
Instead of panicking though Kagome swallowed loudly and stated absentmindedly that she was thirsty. Her mind immediately registered how quick he was to accommodate her request which only added to her tailspin of panic inducing thoughts. Internally she knew that her mind had to be playing tricks on her and that she was officially a goner. But why would her mind conjure up this idea, this complete and utter fallacy that he was talking about her eyes when describing what he liked in someone. Of all the things he could have said to her off handed comment that had been the one? The one that he had just said he found attractive? Romantically? His perfect mate? Then the bastard gifted her with a caste while on some secret rendezvous point on a moonlit stroll in the freaking sky? Only after getting a ridiculous amount of riled up and distant because he thought he could not protect her effectively?
She felt her feet go out and her legs turn soft. Before she hit the ground Sesshomaru had his arms wrapped around her waist and he was holding her upright. He spoke words; she knew he did because his mouth was moving. The concept of Sesshomaru moving his lips without the intent to say something was too ridiculous to be true but she could not for the life of her hear him. Her eyes focused in on them though, as if they would suddenly tell her to snap out of it and stop being crazy.
With a frown she concentrated harder but heard nothing other than muffled buzzing. When he moved his hand to her chin and pushed her to look up at him, for what she could only assume was immediate medical attention, her eyes latched onto his own.
Beautiful soul searching eyes once again overwhelmed her.
They were golden in a way that combined every warm color known to man. It was like a sunset, rainbow and bar of gold combined into one fixed point. And by the gods they were beautiful. She would swear to anyone that would listen that they spoke more volumes about who he was than anything else. The depth in them captivated her and she wondered briefly why she never spent time looking into them.
She knew her answer though. The first time she met him he had resurrected a false impersonation of Inuyasha's mother and attempted to kill them both. Their interactions following that had left much to be desired and it hadn't even become a question to dismiss his mind blowing attractiveness. But damn if she could stop herself now. The man had just given her a castle and compared her to his perfect woman.
Or did he?
Was she misreading things?
Was he just pretending to be this man with morals and a heart that made her squeal a bit inside? Kagome was no fool and knew she had changed her perspective of him drastically over their time together. Initially she had mostly viewed him as a bully refusing to grow up but now she saw him as so much more. When he had held her when sick and seemed to follow her around as a puppy something in her mind had changed. Before that time she had started viewing him as a lord of the region. She understood his role better and where he struggled, his own self-preserving isolative tendencies doing more harm than good. Her instinct had been to insert herself and assist no matter his displeasure from it.
When he had become sick though she saw something different. She saw a broken man who needed help. In truth it was the first time she acknowledged him as anything other than an all powerful pillar that would slam itself up against a mountain before it changed. She blamed Touga as well since the man had told her stories of Sesshomaru's life since he was young, the affectionate fatherly tone never lost on her. Kagome had pushed those feelings aside though and concentrated at the tasks presented to her. Even if she had viewed him differently Kagome had never expected things to really change.
It happened so quickly though: her fight with Inuyasha, Sesshomaru entering the underworld and Kagome's complete inability to stomach the feeling of him leaving. Her rage and terror when she pieced together what he was doing had consumed her. She had thought that their trip to the underworld had given her more enlightenment and closeness to him. But when thinking about it afterwards had it really happened that quickly?
She could admit now that she might have been wrong. Her own discomfort aside Kagome's heart lurched in every direction imaginable as she recapped their conversations. Her own comfort in his presence making the forefront to all of it. Tears welled as Kagome felt her own desire rise and fall over and over again.
What if she was wrong? Could her heart take the beating of rejection from someone she had come to value this much?
The door opened up behind them and her eyes reluctantly glanced away from the window before her. Inuyasha had stepped in and he looked worried. Narrowing her attention to what was before them and the impending assault of Naraku Kagome was able to bring her focus back to the room. As if by magic the confusion that laced through her body dissipated and she heard what was being said.
"-collapsed, she is not responding," spoke Sesshomaru.
Inuyasha rushed forward, "Is she okay? Her heart is racing and her eyes look glazed over. I felt her pulsing from halfway across the castle."
Kagome shook her own head as she realized the emergency was her, not Naraku. "I am okay…I think I just extended myself."
Inuyasha wasn't hearing it as he helped brace her body with his own. "Kagome something is wrong, your powers are fluctuating everywhere. I haven't seen it like this ever and with how long they have been gone something is happening to you."
She tried pulling away briefly but it was as if her own body was conflicted on what to do. When she looked at Inuyasha she remembered the pride he displayed when talking about being a pack member. When she was looked at Sesshomaru she recalled the near love and compassion she had just felt from him. With those thoughts her body nearly seized in their arms. It was almost as if it wanted her to do something about all of this but what could she do? Aside from trying not to pass out as outside forces crushed her everything else seemed pointless.
Inuyasha grabbed her upper arm and looked her in the eye, "Kag's I need to talk to you too. There is something really important and I think it has to do with your powers. I know how to fix it…I think. You cannot continue on like this."
Kagome could not help snapping at him, her mind was too filled with chaos to do anything else, "My powers hate me Inuyasha. It is like they can no longer stand me or what I am. They are the last thing I want to talk about."
Her arm snaked around Sesshomaru as she tried to use him as a support. Despite her discomfort with recent thoughts his solid form gave her more comfort than she could express with words.
Inuyasha pressed forward, "No Kagome, you are changing and my father-"
But she cut him off again with a blinding pain in her foot. She had completely forgotten about the injury from before. Somehow the pain had been gone and had now come back. Without a doubt she blamed that on these powers of hers. "Touga wanted his son's to have a family, he did everything he could to make that happen. I accept my role in that and know that the two of you could change the world more than I ever could. Do not blame him for what is happening to me, the last 200 years in purgatory is his penance."
Inuyasha growled but was cut off by Sesshomaru, "Kagome, Inuyasha wishes to explain a theory. While I do not believe right now is the best time-"
Her instinct to run away and process everything flared. Kagome pushed her own form away from the brothers and scowled at both of them. After a few seconds of this Kagome found she could not look either brother in the eye for long. Sesshomaru's were too mesmerizing and Inuyasha's were to insightful. He had been hinting at Sesshomaru having feelings for her since they returned. For such a clueless man he had his moments, most of which she was not prepared to face. Pushing herself forward Kagome glanced around the room in need of an escape, "Is Malik free?"
Both brothers took a step back, whether it was from the shock of her request, her clear disapproval of them both or wanting to assess for any injuries she did not know. Inuyasha's questioning look drew her in and behind him she saw a figure move. He was standing tall if not a bit to sternly, though she supposed that was his nature. If anyone could get her out of her own head though it was him and standing by the door was not helping her in anyway. "I need to heal and think, maybe in the gardens?"
Malik's eyebrow rose and he looked at the befuddled brothers. With one nod he raised his arm out for her to grab. Slowly shuffling towards him. When she reached out her arm nearly latched onto him knowing that any probing of feelings would not happen in his presence. She thanked whatever deity had granted her with a predictably stoic man that refused to acknowledge anything resembling emotional turmoil.
She was a bit surprised when his own body hesitated, not stepping forward or indicating movement when she walked. Looking at him again she saw him staring at her, though more in curiosity than in any other manner. Almost hesitantly she watched his other arm reach around in front and his clawed fingertips rested on her hand, the one resting on his. If she was not mistaken it had shaken if only slightly. Before she could ask if everyone else in the castle was broken as well he began to lead her out of the room.
With one glance back she just saw Inuyasha round on his brother as if an argument was about to break out. Before anything else could be done Malik tugged on her arm. Keeping in pace, and thankful that Inuyasha and Sesshomaru had not begun screaming in front of her because of her odd behavior, she turned back towards Malik.
They walked slower due to her injury and difficulty breathing. It was as if many of her symptoms had returned all at once and injuries that had healed were back again. Looking down at her hands she saw no glass marks and for that she was thankful.
Malik did not ask about her desire to walk with him. He did not question why she had avoided both brothers. He did not request to know about her symptoms and he did not pester her about her slow pace. He kept at a steady rhythm as they made their way through the halls. She noted briefly that his hand remained firmly on her own and did not lower from the supportive position.
When they reached what remained of the garden's Kagome briefly noticed a few new scorch marks but paid no head. She was in a house full of demons and their version of irritation tended to destroy houses. Malik guided her to a bench before sitting down next to her.
"You cause much chaos," was all he said.
Kagome sighed as more tears welled up in her eyes, "Yeah, I know." She did not know what was wrong with her or even what to think of everything. How had her world turned upside itself in such a short amount of time? How had she become this vulnerable and broken?
Another few minutes passed before Kagome spoke again, "When I am gone you are going to miss it. Your life was boring before me."
His eyes remained focused before them but something told her that his mind was processing something far faster than she could ever keep pace with. After a few more minutes he spoke again, whatever conclusion he had come to finally being voiced, "This is for you, it is not the original one from your Uncle but I repaired it."
Kagome looked down to see him holding a necklace string from his hand. It was curled in a formation that indicated it had been fidgeted with regularly and she wondered what prompted him to do such a thing. Her eyes began to water and she immediately felt herself give in to some unknown tension inside of her. Shakily moving forward Kagome grabbed the precious gift before her. It was the necklace string her Uncle Ken had made for her. The burnt and frayed edges were repaired and it no longer held the same look of destruction it had after the fire incident. She did not know how she knew it was the same one or how such a thing could be repaired but it meant the world to her.
"Why?"
Once she was holding it close his hand lowered, "It was of value to you."
Looking up at Malik she could not express the gratitude properly, "You know I really hated you in the beginning."
He nodded, "And I you."
She wiped her tears away while holding the item close, "Seems to be a day of changed perspectives. I swear you demons are all throwing me for a loop."
He faced his eyes forward again, "We are a species of rigidity. You are the one instigating change, for good or for bad."
Kagome tucked the object near her heart as she tried to apply his words to her situation. Had she really impacted so much? Had Touga been right and she was a catalyst point? Perhaps that was why the well had really sent her back in time, to change things? Maybe she had it wrong and the jewel had very little to do with it. If so she could not help but wander back to Sesshomaru. What was their role in one another's lives to be?
The thought of leaning on him rather than Inuyasha had never crossed her mind before staying here but looking back that is exactly what she had done. Her body had naturally sagged towards him on more than one occasion. It had not been Inuyasha she sought out with the children and it was not Inuyasha she had found herself worrying over. Historically her time with Inuyasha was brotherly but no part of Kagome could categorize her relationship with Sesshomaru as that. His intensity as a person did not permit something so ordinary to describe him. Her heart lifted a she thought of their interactions and the joy paired with many of them. Looking back she could see the humor in their fights, and the protective nature he carried about him. Nearly burrowing her face in her hands Kagome came to the distinct conclusion that she did indeed have strong feelings for him.
Fuck her life.
"Why did you request me specifically?" Malik asked as she contemplated the last two years of her existence and everything leading up to today.
Turning towards him Kagome knew it would be difficult to explain. With a sigh she tried, "When I panicked in that room I needed something familiar. You came to mind and I just said it. I knew you wouldn't push me and I knew you would make me feel…safe isn't the right word. Watched over? I really don't know how to describe it."
He nodded his head in understanding before stating, "Familiar is an odd choice of words, we do not know each other well."
Kagome grinned through her own thoughts, "Like I said, I can't explain it just that is how I felt."
Whether he actually did understand or not was lost on her since she had no proper way to convey how she came to her request. Somehow he conveyed stability and comfort as her world hung by broken hinges.
After a few more seconds Malik returned to the view around them, the darkness giving him somewhat of an ethereal outline. "The servants will bring me my items and Inuyasha will finish in the planning with the other Lords. Shiho has been helpful if not tired and Uza provides us minimal information due to being held in the dungeons as well. It is best to keep them both close though. I will work here while you sleep; your continued fatigue is evident no matter how your body is adjusting."
Kagome felt her eyes water again as old memories from childhood flashed forward. In a moment of weakness and desperation she whispered a soft, "Will you keep them away? Just for now?"
Malik did not pause at all before answering, "Sesshomaru and Inuyasha will not be near you until you deem it acceptable. You have my word on that."
Not questioning how he knew which people she spoke of Kagome scooted herself down to the ground and found a resting place by the base of the bench. With that her eyes closed and she went into a dreamless sleep.
Kagome woke surrounded by plant life, quite literally. Vines had covered her form as beautiful flowers bloomed around her. They were easily broken as it appeared to be a thin sheet of covering, as if the earth had provided her a blanket of moss and flowers. It was a strange sight to see with it being so cold out. Beside her rested artwork and drawings from two individuals she knew quite well. Sitting herself up, and finding very different and obviously indoor flowers throughout her hair again, she noticed Malik with papers before him.
When he saw her move he motioned towards the items, "Offerings from the kit and ward."
Kagome felt her giggle escape her lips before anything could be said. Somehow their outward expressions were the perfect thing to wake towards. Rin and her had spent time together before but the last 24 hours had been something different. It gave her so much joy to have Shippo and her playing together as well. If they were lucky Shippo would have an ally in his pranks against the adults. They were hysterical the majority of the time. Now that Sesshomaru had properly instilled in her the need for Shippo to be treated as a demon child and not as a helpless kid her appreciation for his antics had increased tenfold. Kagome also felt less need to reassure him as she did before.
"Inuyasha is furious and Sesshomaru is brooding. Do speak to them sometime today as they have been arguing about anything in sight. It is childlike and Sesshomaru is better than that," he stated again.
Apparently Inuyasha was not better than that.
Kagome let lose another giggle before she realized that Sesshomaru would have to have a reason to be brooding. Her whole reason for wanting to escape brought her back as she remembered their conversation in the castle. She was no clearer to understanding his emotions but with sleep she understood her own a bit better. She did like the man, quite a bit actually. It was different than anything she had ever known and she wished more than anything she had someone to talk it over with. If her mother was not hundreds of years in the future Kagome would guess this would be a rather important sit down between them. Bringing herself back to her situation she addressed Malik, "I suppose I should thank you for the respite."
He nodded and gathered his items, drawing them under his arm. Without another word he had assisted her to her feet. Blinking rapidly Kagome cursed her body. Her ankle had healed itself again while she slept but there was still a bit of tenderness present. They calmly walked back to the inner sanctum of the castle and Kagome felt herself take a large gulp of air. Once they reached the main doorway he showed her to where her friends awaited her, "Wear the necklace Kagome, it will help your uncle know you are safe even if he is not here with you. It will ease him."
Pulling it from her pocket Kagome draped the item around her and tied it as best she could. There was no jewel attached due to her powers no longer providing the protection they once had. No, that remained locked safely in one of Sesshomaru's vaults. A soft and reassuring glint flashed in the demon lords eyes before it was gone, the warlord once again on the forefront. Without another word he headed towards where she knew the remainder of the soldiers to be stationed.
Pressing herself forward Kagome braced herself for impact, much to her surprise it was not Inuyasha or Sesshomaru who waited for her. Eyes watering again Kagome nearly ran to her friend while embracing her in a hug. Kagome felt Sango grab on just as tightly as the two almost siblings embraced. Collapsing together Kagome felt the frustration in her body relax as she realized Malik had continued to look out for her, if not silently.
"I missed you friend," spoke Sango.
Kagome pulled harder before releasing, "Are you okay? It has been so crazy since everything started."
They both sat down next to the slumbering form of Miroku. Kagome watched closely, brushing a few strands of hair aside, hoping that he knew she was there. She could tell he was healing from the poison but it was slow moving. In an attempt to help Kagome tried to draw on her powers but found them un-responsive. It seems they were just as fickle as her feelings.
Sango was next to her in an instant, "He is doing better but if he uses it again I don't know what will kill him faster, the poison or the wind tunnel."
Kagome turned to her friend in hopes of providing some comfort, "He will survive this and we will take the spider down along with his whole stupid web."
Instinctively she thought of the tankard with the remaining jewel shards, a reminder of what they were fighting for. As well as against.
Sango shook her head, "I-I cannot watch another person I love die Kagome."
Kagome knew that both her friends had suffered greatly and nothing could ever compare to what they had endured for so many years. Sango's whole way of life; her culture; her family and her friends were ripped from her in a single night. Miroku had watched his father be devowered by the very same curse he had in his body, knowing he as well as any children he has suffering the same fate. It reinvigorated her to survive this fight and watch them grow old together.
Grabbing her friend's hand she squeezed, "You both are too stubborn to be killed."
Sango laughed as she almost loving cradled Miroku's face. "I could use some good news if you have any. It has been to long since we last just spoke about things."
Kagome felt her body tense and relax within the same moment. When they would bathe together their primary topic had been the idiocies of men. Was she up for the challenge? They had come a long way from Inuyasha calling Sesshomaru a princess and nearly getting killed for it. At the same time Kagome could use the support right now. Hadn't she just said that she needed someone to talk this over with? "So, I have a crush on Sesshomaru."
Sango's head slowly turned towards her as a half smirk reached her lips. Beyond all comprehensible reason Sango said the one thing Kagome never could have guessed, "I know."
Kagome's jaw actually dropped. Gathering herself as much as she could Kagome tried piecing together her words, "What? How? Since when?"
Sango rolled her eyes, "The man is gorgeous Kagome, how could anyone not have a crush on him? I have a crush on him and he is the opposite of everything I want in a partner."
Kagome stopped the impulse to verbally attack her friend for liking Sesshomaru. She knew that feeling well and jealousy had never looked good on her. "You have a what? But you are totally in love with Miroku!"
Sango scoffed, "Yes and Sesshomaru is stunning. I am not blind, are you saying that he isn't absolutely beautiful?"
Kagome stuttered, "No, he is crazy good looking. People in my time would spend god knows how much money to look at his picture. I would probably do the same. He has a tall build, pure muscle and cheekbones for days. His voice could make women melt if he wasn't also throwing acid at them." "
Laughing openly Sango countered her, "So you aren't going to strike me down for admitting that he has probably starred in more women's fantasies than he has killed people?"
Kagome growled as her checks flushed red, "Shut up Sango! That is so not cool to talk about." Even as she said that her mind rushed back to waking up in the underworld where Sesshomaru had his hand wrapped around her thigh. While she had thought it had been innocent the woman in her knew that she had felt very differently whenever Sesshomaru carried her in comparison to his brother. How had she ridden on Inuyasha's back for years and never once felt that spark of intimacy she had in that moment?
Then her mind flashed to when he covered her body with his own as the rocks tumbled around them. The familiar tingling sensation followed and Kagome rubbed her arms absentmindedly while fidgeting with her feet. "He kissed me once."
Sango's eyes widened as she now did the impression of a gaping fish.
Raising her hands in the air she clarified, "I wasn't like a real kiss. He was in his instinctual demon moment where I think he just confused a few things. With how I was taking care of him and my scent everywhere I think he thought we were like, you know, that."
Sango pushed Miroku's head out of her lap and was immediately in front of Kagome, "What did you do?"
Blushing Kagome recalled the moment, "I broke a vase over his head."
After a few more seconds Sango was laughing harder than she had in ages. "Really Kagome, you couldn't just take advantage of him? He clearly is interested in you and your response was to attack him?"
Kagome pushed herself away from her friend, "Sango that would practically be rape, he was not in his right mind. To think he had any control over-"
Sango switched to a more serious tone as she attempted to help her friend understand, "His demon was in control Kagome, whatever he wanted or tried was done with no filter. No second thoughts or weighing his options. No good or bad just impulse for what he really wanted and what he really thought."
Kagome glanced around the room nervously as if someone would walk in and catch them talking about this. "The thing is, I think I like him, like really like him and I don't know at all what to do about it. I'm practically dying Sango and he is a demon lord. And Inuyasha's brother. And now he is sending me all these mixed signals right as I thought we had found a nice balance."
Instead of commenting on Kagome's continued rambling Sango brushed it aside, "I see that someone has finally starting admitting that crush was the wrong word to use."
Kagome could have burrowed herself into the floor and it would have been a more comfortable outlet than this topic.
Sango shook her head, "Oh come on Kagome. Verbal warfare is like foreplay to you. The moment you two kept one upping each other I knew it was bound to happen. I never said anything because I thought you knew it would never happen. But I mean you went into the underworld for him Kagome with absolutely no plan or hesitation. You left everything you had here for him like it meant nothing."
Kagome breathed in deeply as she absorbed Sango's words completely. She had hadn't see? She had left everyone and did not even bother to question it. When she had travelled with Inuyasha to the underworld it had been part curiosity and part stubbornness. She had little in the feudal era at the time and truly had no idea what direction her life might take. Would it take her home? Would she see her father? Would her protector survive the encounter? The first time she had jumped head first like some stupid teenager but following after Sesshomaru had been a very different experience. It was one filled with rage, loss, fear and heartbreak.
It was reactionary when Kagome hit Sango's arm two times in a row. Righting herself Kagome angrily huffed, "And you couldn't have told me?"
Laughing almost excitedly, "It wasn't worth it, he was still horrible to you when I first noticed it and you would have rather died then betray Inuyasha that way. It's not my fault he started acting decent and you finally noticed this little game between you two."
Kagome threw her hands up in the air dramatically. This situation was quickly spiraling and Kagome was realizing why her reaction to his words had been so strong. It was not just about thinking that Sesshomaru liked her it was also because she liked him. Standing up to pace back and forth she swung around on her friend, "Does Inuyasha know?"
Sango shrugged, "I don't know, Miroku and I were the only ones who would talk about it together. You know how Inuyasha gets about you. Then with how everything was the months you two were gone the discussion was more about how to get the two of you back."
Kagome's face flushed with a brighter color red than she had experienced in ages. Her mouth dry as sand Kagome tried to comprehend that she had been the topic of discussion between two of her closest friends. It was too much, this conversation had taken too much of a spin and there were things she was not ready for. She hadn't even told Sango about the events in the underworld or the conversation about attraction to partners. She had not told Sango about the ridiculous gift that could be considered a betrothal offering in this era.
Stuttering in an undignified manner Kagome pointed at Miroku, "Yea well he was going to ask for your hand about two months before we got here and is building a hut for you! But he was too much of a baby to say anything."
Sango's face dropped as she stared down at Miroku. Her disclosure had been just as abrupt and a shock as Kagome thought it was. If Sango was going to be laying down all this truth on her Kagome's flight or fight instinct was telling her turnabout was fair play. In an attempt to keep the conversation off of her Kagome just continued to spout information, "And Inuyasha caught him sneaking off to your old village to pick up supplies and things that would remind you of home to make sure you would like it."
Sango's body began to shake. It was not from fear or anger though. Kagome could feel the joy that was spouting from Sango's very being as if being drowned in the ocean. She saw it then, the hope that Sango needed to keep pushing through. With all of this change and turmoil Sango had been ready to give up on life and love. Too much pain had surrounded her and she needed something to hold on to. Sango and Miroku had been dancing around each other for ages and it gave Kagome a small sense of pride to know that it would finally be coming to an end. As Malik had told her today, she was an agent of chaos for good or for bad.
In an effort to drive home exactly what she was saying and the depth of feeling Kagome finished with one last statement, "Any you better freaking marry him or it will break his heart and then I don't know what will happen."
Sango was crying now as she held Miroku's body close to her. Looking back up at Kagome a wide smile was on her lips, "I won't leave his side, not once whenever this battle happens. If he doesn't ask me then I will beat his ass and he will be to broken to ever leave the house he built us."
Kagome was panting. In her burst of craziness she had done everything right and everything wrong at once. How she broke so many secrets in one go was amazing but she had always known it was for the better. The monk was to terrified of dying on Sango and Sango was to scared of being rejected by said monk.
Before Kagome could turn around Sango stated something just as jaw dropping as Kagome had, "Rin and Shippo are telling everyone they are siblings now and that you and Sesshomaru are their parents. Apparently you and Sesshomaru are mates. Inuyasha said it and Sesshomaru ordered them out of the room so the adults could talk."
Kagome turned on her heels in what could only be described as an out of body experience. Turnabout was fair play and she had dealt just as heavy an insight to Sango moments before. "That's-"
Sango shook her head, "I do not think you are the only one who has had some heavy realization about what they want Kagome. Sesshomaru is not one to let untruths about him slide. Perhaps he is just as afraid as you are."
Then she left.
In her fit of embarrassment Kagome had walked right into the conversation she had been determined to avoid. Sesshomaru's feelings towards her. Now she was near running from the room as images swirled past her. What the frick had just happened? What had Sango done? Kagome's heart flared up again and she knew without a doubt that this is what a heart attack felt like. She clutched it near dramatically with her right hand as her left arm caught her as she fell to the floor. Watching as black dots competed with the pain in her body Kagome suddenly felt herself lifted off the floor and into waiting arms. Within moments the pain fluctuated in intensity, alternating between excruciating and non-existent. Glancing a look up she watched as Sesshomaru cradled her to his body tightly, his hair obscuring her vision as his arms engulfed her entire form in protective warmth.
It was odd how her hands instinctively curled around his clothing and she pressed her nose into his chest, breathing deeper than she had in ages. His scent was something akin to raw strength and warmth. After a few more minutes the pain receded but she did not move, her lungs taking in the scent she had been teased with in the underworld. His arms did not let go either and they both rested there for some time. Eventually, with her face still in his chest, Kagome spoke the most non intimate thing she could think of, "Nice day out, how is my castle doing?"
Kagome was sure the crying hiccups and most likely snot running down her face certainly destroyed anything else romantic that could have stemmed from that moment.
A small chuckle escaped him and she felt it throughout her entire body. A string of heat engulfed her but the feeling in her lower stomach clearly indicated where the source of warmth had come from. Her talk with Sango about Sesshomaru's physique was doing nothing to stop her mind from racing.
"It is fine, floating and wondering if it was to grand a gesture for someone so feeble and incapable of taking care of themselves," he stated calmly.
Their familiar routine was in place. She did not know why his comment gave her comfort but it did. Perhaps because it was a gesture of calmness. Maybe he did not hold it against her that she had requested time away from him, not in comparison to everything else that had happened. It also displayed that no matter what inner turmoil she was in right now he would be a constant. Their relationship had not weakened and she could move past any awkwardness if she chose to.
Kagome pushed her face up towards him almost angrily. She hoped he knew the truth though, there were no anger in her words just a familiar joy that it seemed only he could bring, "I am not feeble, just broken. There is a large difference."
She watched as his amusement spread. Pushing herself out of his arms and steadying herself in an incredibly obstinate manner Kagome eventually crossed her arms. The distance gave her a bit of space, space she found herself regretting. What would it be like to sleep next to him and be held when not in a life threatening situation? Would he hold her just as tight? Why couldn't he just tell her if she was something he wanted? The conversation about Sesshomaru's own fear paired with his admission of being a silent pursuer played in her mind. It gave her no clear answers but certainly brought forth more feelings of want she could not ignore. "I hope you know how infuriating you are. Here I was thinking you were being nice and now you are teasing me."
Sesshomaru stood up from his crouched position gracefully as he looked at her, his eyes never wavering from her own gaze. Those familiar golden irises that depicted more beauty than she had previously admitted held her hypnotically in their assessment. For the first time she truly noticed though. She saw how they saw every inch of her and seemed to soak her in as if water. "You band both Inuyasha and I from checking on you, I am bound to have an opinion about things. It is your own miscalculation if you cannot bare the weight of your decisions."
Her actual anger spiked just a little. It was an opening she could take. While no resentment was held against her it was clear Sesshomaru had thoughts about not being permitted to see her. "Why would you care about seeing me Sesshomaru? With what we face there are a million things to do while I sleep. Don't you have your own castle to run?"
Narrowing his eyes but not going for the bait Sesshomaru glanced out the window before looking back at her, "Thankfully just the one now. It is far less work."
The moron was avoiding her questions and they both knew it.
Kagome did sigh dramatically and pushed herself to be a logical adult, "I'm sorry, the castle was an amazing gift I think I just felt overwhelmed by the last couple days and needed some space. You're and Inuyasha's presence tends to distract me and I cannot apologize for both of your egos."
Sesshomaru eyebrow raised, "Is there a reason you are attempting to instigate an argument with me? I would like to know now so we can settle this in advance. I will rescind my offer of the castle but not of your protection."
Kagome felt herself deflate at his logic. She was being rather childish and she knew it was because of the juvenile feelings of fear she was experiencing. She was working herself up when in reality Kagome was not mad at him. Walking back over to him Kagome very carefully pulled her arms close. When she was within a few inches of his own form Kagome let her vulnerabilities show, "You did not answer the question I wanted, I responded poorly. Every time I think I know you something changes. You act different and while I very much like it at times you make my head spin. I do not always know what to make of what you tell me."
Sesshomaru's hand delicately reached up to her shoulder. Her body feeling his essence as her eyes remained downcast to the floor. After a few more moments his palm pressed further until the hesitancy was gone, their touch now permanently burned into her skin. "I understand the feelings you describe."
A few more seconds passed before she gathered the courage to look up at him. When she did his eyes were focused far away to a point in the wall to her left. She knew that contemplative look of his and the internal struggle she knew he was having. Kagome had long ago gathered that his blank face was often when he was most pensive and he schooled every expression to prevent something from being used against him.
Reaching up with her own hand she placed her palm against his cheek. With minimal resistance Kagome pulled his face in her direction so their eyes could properly meet, "Is everything okay? Something serious is crossing your mind right now."
She watched as the colors in his eyes swirled with an array of pigments she could not hope to describe. After a few moments a pulse radiated from him and Kagome could have sworn he leaned into her hand just briefly. His gaze became cloudy as she both felt and saw him inhale deeper. Slowly he reached up and wrapped his own hand against her wrist, gently pulling her hand back down. Remaining firm in his protective hold he nodded briefly, "I doubt my ability to protect more than I care to admit. It is a fear I have had since a pup and recent events have reminded me more of it than I have every outwardly acknowledge."
Kagome's eyes began to water at the vulnerability he was showing her. His fears were some of the most human things she had witnessed from him and her attraction to him grew tenfold. Knowing that this was not the time Kagome provided for him what she knew he needed, what he had most likely unknowingly asked from her. "I have never known someone stronger than you Sesshomaru; and it is not just because you have your demon abilities. Over the last few months you have shown me a side of yourself that I would follow anywhere. A true leader who admits his fears and seeks guidance is greater than anyone who rules alone. There is nothing wrong with that because it is a true strength, true power. You may not be able to protect everyone but for those that you do you will find a fierce loyalty. Not because you are the best but because you are someone to be admired and loved."
His eyes closed briefly before flashing back up at her, "I cannot do it alone, I would need an equal by my side to rule in the way that you speak. My mind is often warped with impulses and death. Compassion is not a nature I have."
Still in the moment Kagome smiled weakly, "Well when this is all over you will just need to make sure that you have a Lady who is equally capable of killing you as she is supporting. She must be someone who can bring that side out of you and easily put you in your place when need be."
Sesshomaru smirked briefly, "I imagine she is stubborn."
Kagome let lose a scoff, "God she would have to be to put up with you."
He took a step back as he contemplated what else, "And outspoken. I could have nothing else than these things."
Kagome nodded as she watched the conversation return to Sesshomaru's love life, "Anything else and you would have some manipulated girl that you had no respect for. At very least she would need to match you with wit, but if possible also with a weapon so she could skewer you when being idiotic."
Kagome ignored the pain and confusion inside of her as she tried not to think of him finding someone else. She realized now when her views of him had changed, of when he had become more than Inuyasha's older brother. The rumors about them and what Sango had said remained in her mind. But part of her knew that is all that they could be, rumors. She was not what he needed and her humanity would never permit her to be what he needed. It hurt more to think about that truth than any pain she had experienced in the past.
"I would support her as well, in whatever endeavor she were to choose. A woman as you describe would never be passive in life and I anticipate I would spend far more time trying to understand her than anything else," Sesshomaru stated again.
By this time Kagome's mind had wandered to her own fears and the very conversation she had wanted to avoid. Taking her own step back Kagome remembered a time in her life when she had not trusted this man. She had fought avidly against Touga about the topic, fought with every fiber she could to be away. The spirit had held her and pressed her forward into this situation. Now she hated him for it. She had never truly hated Touga before this as her heart understood the need to protect his children. Her life was small in comparison to theirs but never before had she wanted to be something other than she was. Never before had she truly contemplated Inuyasha's long life over her own and internally begged for a different outcome.
She could never be what Sesshomaru needed even if she was interpreting things correctly.
Death for the greater good she could handle but this overwhelming heartbreak was beyond her.
She took another few steps back as Sango's words hit her again. Her feelings had progressed far beyond that of a crush and she had not even known it. A crush could not define how one felt when you wanted to be their everything, when you wanted to give your all to someone.
"Kagome, I need to talk to you about something. It involved both of us and I see now that I have put it off to long. I need to tell you-" Before another word could be spoken Sesshomaru's head snapped up and his posture changed to that of someone ready for battle. Within moments his body was on top of her own as they went spiraling through the castle, ruble all around them. She watched as spears of dark light aggressively vaulted towards them and he dodged them with her in his arms, never remaining in the same place for longer than half a second.
A large boom resounded and she watched as the barrier Sesshomaru and Malik had reconstructed around the property crack then shatter as if fragile glass.
It had started and they were out of time.
Naraku was here.
Firevixen73 - Talk about a massive cliff hanger! He was so close to telling her! Naraku has always had the worst timing ever and his ability to hide has left the Inu gang always having to respond than be on the offensive. It looks like he striked again. It has been truly amazing writing this story and having all of my readers with me through this experience. I would love to hear what you think and ideas on how I plan on finishing the story. I have it halfway written but am always open to new concepts to incorporate.