Author's note: This story takes place in 2011, but I'm gonna pretend that social media doesn't exist and people just text, because look at me...
I am the captain now...
WARNING! There's some naughty stuff ahead so you've been warned...
Enjoy this new chapter!
The Park Boys
Chapter 2: Is This The Real Life?
Eric Cartman read over what he had written in his journal, which he had recently gotten as a gag gift at last year's christmas party. He had told everybody that he threw it in the garbage, but couldn't bring himself to do it, and instead found writing in it to be raher cathartic.
He delicately placed the journal into a secret compartment in his desk, and went about his usual afternoon duties, which consisted of texting each of his friends one at a time and seeing if they wanted to hang out.
Kenny and Stan were both busy with their jobs. They both worked at the local Burger Queen, and very frequently called in, so Cartman assumed they were actually high off their asses in Kenny's stinky van.
That left Kyle and Butters... of course...
C-Hey Kyle, you busy?
Cartman reluctantly hit send. He chose the lesser of two evils. Both had kissed him, but Kyle was just helping him smoke...
...or was he?
K-No not really, I just got my new phone though, I don't feel safe around you lol.
Cartman blushed, remembering the awkwardness of the situation. He felt bad about it, but he wasn't about to let Kyle know that.
C-Don't be so jumpy then!
K-Can't help but be afraid of that face! Ha lol jk. I'll meet you by the bus stop. I'll be driving my dad's car.
C-Okay, I'm heading out now.
Cartman stuffed his phone in his pocket, and proceeded to leave the house. He was alone with his thoughts the whole way there.
Is Kyle still mad about the phone thing? Cartman thought. He sighed. Kyle said he got a new phone, but Cartman couldn't help but feel bad. Maybe he's gonna try to kiss you again...
Cartman stopped dead in his tracks and expelled that thought from his mind. Where the fuck did that come from? He was just--
HOOOONK!!
Cartman flailed and fell backward into the snow. He heard laughter, followed by a voice.
"Oh shit sorry!" It was a familiar voice.
Cartman saw a hand hovering over him. He grabbed it instinctively, and with a bit of effort, stood up on two feet. He met the look of an amused Kyle Broflovski, who's white teeth were showing in a smile.
"The hell?" Cartman growled.
"Didn't think you could get all that weight off the ground," Kyle laughed. "looked like a perfect 10!"
"You pulled me up didn't ya?" Cartman pointed out. Kyle paused, shrugging.
"Guess that gym membership wasn't a waste of money after all." Kyle retorted almost effortlessly.
"Fuck you." Cartman surrendered.
"I mean it's kinda karma dude." Kyle grinned. Cartman rolled his eyes, as Kyle opened the passenger door of his car for him. It was his dad's 1988 Pontiac Firebird, the car every teenage boy in South Park drooled over, and Kyle and his father are the only people to ever drive it.
"Thanks." Cartman sprinkled a bit of sarcasm as he got in the car. Kyle closed the door and got in shortly after. He looked over at his passenger and grinned.
"So, wanna make out?" Kyle said. Upon hearing this, Cartman almost choked on his saliva.
"Dude-"
"I'm joking sheesh!" Kyle laughed. "So you got any place in mind?"
"Not really."
"How bout Kenny's?" Kyle suggested. That was his go-to.
"Nah, I already texted him," Cartman said. "He said he and Stan are working late at Burger Queen."
"That's interesting..." Kyle said. He pointed to a styrofoam cup in the cup holder. "I was just there, and I didn't see them."
"Fuck! I knew it!" Cartman said aloud.
"Fuck indeed my friend," Kyle said, starting the car up with a roar. "...fuck indeed..."
Kyle drove away from the bus stop, and into the town of South Park. He glanced over at Cartman occasionally.
"I'm thinkin about making a pit stop on our buddies first," Kyle said, coming to a stop at a stop sign. "You down?"
"Sure I guess." Cartman said. Kyle turned on Kenny's road, and soon enough, the run down house was visible. Kyle parked the car delicately, rather far from the house.
"Protect the Bird," Kyle said simply. "There's a 9mm in the glove compartment if anybody tries anything. I'll be right back." He said, leaving Cartman alone in the car, and making his way to the house. He watched as Kyle entered the house after greeting Kenny's mother. Cartman sighed and fiddled with his phone, playing snake to pass the time.
PING!
Cartman jumps in his seat at the sudden noise. He glances over at the driver's seat to see the glowing screen of Kyle's new phone. He picks it up and sees a text from Kenny.
I got some u can have, drop by my place I'll hook u up!
What could Kenny be talking about? Weed? No, the phrasing is incorrect, but then again this is Kenny, a high school dropout.
It racked Cartman's mind until he hear footsteps approaching and he put the phone back where he found it. Soon after, Kyle opened the door and saw his phone. He chuckled and picked it up.
"Thought I left it at my house!" Kyle said, as he got in. Cartman could easily see that Kyle wasn't holding anything. What did Kenny give him?
"So where to now?" Cartman asked.
"My place." Kyle said. Cartman was confused.
"What about your parents?" Cartman asked, getting nervous all the sudden.
"Why do you think I'm driving the Bird on a Saturday?" Kyle snickered. "They enrolled Ike into a private school in Utah, and they'll be looking at the facilities till Sunday afternoon."
"Oh okay.." Cartman calmed down.
Kyle drove away from the area and soon they were at his house. After parking the car in the garage, they both exited, and entered the toasty house. Cartman took off his coat and beanie, with Kyle following suit, both boys hanging their respective clothing items in the laundry room just opposite the garage door. Both boys made their way silently up to Kyle's room. Once up the stairs however, the talking resumed.
"What kinda pizza do you like again?" Kyle asked.
"Supreme, but we can get it without ham if you want." Cartman said.
"It's okay, I got paid, so I was thinking a pizza for each, since we'll be high and all that."
"I can pay you back next week."
"Just accept it, I did kinda kiss you without consent yesterday," Kyle pointed out. "Keep that on the hush hush, and I won't go all Italian mafia on your ass!"
"Sounds good to me." Cartman grinned.
They entered the room, and Kyle closed the door behind him. Cartman looked around. Kyle's bedroom had walls covered in band and video game posters, but the bunk bed stood out. Kyle noticed Cartman staring.
"I have the room to myself," Kyle clarified. "I just got a good deal on that bed."
"I could make a jew joke right now," Cartman said. "You know that, right?"
"I'm surprised you didn't make one earlier," Kyle said. Cartman was confused. "The gym membership?"
"Oh fuck!"
"Fuck indeed..."
"Why do you keep saying that?" Cartman asked.
"I heard it this dumb action flick." Kyle explained.
"Okay, whatever..." Cartman said. He then rememered the text. "So why'd you stop by Kenny's"
"Oh well, I figured we should wait until after we get our pizza." Kyle looked noticeably nervous all of the sudden. He pulled out his phone and dialed the number for the local pizza place. Cartman just shrugged it off and sat on Kyle's bed. He pulled out his phone and played snake again. He has yet to beat Butters' high score, and he refuses to accept defeat.
"I went ahead and got two supremes." Kyle said. Cartman squinted his eyes at Kyle.
"No pork right?" Cartman asked.
"Fuck that," Kyle said, pulling off his heavy sweater, to reveal a green tshirt underneath. "I always thought the whole not eating pork thing was ridiculous."
"Fine with me." Cartman tugged at the neck of his sweater, feeling the cool breeze seep in, indicating sweat.
"Why are you still wearing your sweater?" Kyle asked.
"Cuz I don't want to be shirtless." Cartman stated rather bluntly. "I didn't think we'd come to your place, figured we'd go to the mall or something."
"I've seen you shirtless before dude." Kyle said. He then took off his shirt blatantly, and tossed it in a nearby hamper. "Live a little." He grinned, showing his white teeth.
"Fahn!" Cartman spat. He hated anybody seeing him shirtless, he felt ugly. He begrudgingly pulled off the sweater, and folded it.
"Didn't take you for the neat type." Kyle joked. He walked over to his entertainment center and turned on his playstation 3. He handed Cartman the second controller and sat beside him. Cartman couldn't help but notice how close Kyle was to him. The fact that they were both shirtless didn't help one bit.
They barely got the game started before the door bell rang. Kyle nudged Cartman's bare shoulder.
"Not it!" He chirped, letting out a giggle afterword. Cartman looked at him like he had dishonoured his family. "Kidding." Kyle got up and left the room in a hurry to catch the pizza guy. Cartman twiddled his thumbs as he was left to his thoughts once again.
Dammit! This wouldn't be so weird if he hadn't kissed me yesterday! Cartman wrestled with his subconscious. He couldn't help but try to guess what Kyle got at Kenny's house. If it was weed, they'd both be high by now. Kyle wasn't one to wait to smoke. If given the opprotunity he would regardless of circumstance. Before he could question Kyle's motives further, in he came, holding two steaming pizza boxes. He set them down on the floor and then looked at Cartman.
"Did you answer the door like that?" Cartman asked.
"Didn't feel like putting a shirt on..." Kyle said. He then sat next to Cartman and they began to eat. Kyle put on Terrence and Phillip just so they'd have something to concentrate on other than silence.
After almost finishing their respective pizzas, they both looked at each other almost simultaneously.
"So what did you get from Kenny?"
"I think you know, ton of fun..." Kyle said, getting up and walking over to his desk. He grabbed his wallet and pulled out something small. He clutched it in his hand and went back to the bed and sat beside Cartman.
"What?"
"Yesterday, at the gas station..." Kyle began, clutching his hand tighter around whatever he was holding. "I know you saw me..."
"What are you-"
"We made eye contact!" Kyle interjected. "Playing dumb will only waste our time."
"What are you going on about Kyle?" Cartman was incredibly confused.
"I know you saw me get by dick sucked by the cashier at the gas station!" Kyle said bluntly. Cartman froze.
"So that's what was happening..." He stared at the floor.
"I just wanted to let you know that it didn't mean anything..." Kyle said.
"I..." Cartman was speechless, and still a bit confused.
"Just shut up and kiss me!" Kyle grabbed Cartman's cheeks and pulled him into a kiss. They locked lips and instantly Cartman felt elated. He didn't fight back. Kyle's lips were like a drug, he felt high kissing him. They pulled away in unison.
"That was..."
"...Clearly you aren't a wordsmith, but that's fine..." Kyle grinned. He produced a small plastic baggie with some of Butters' signature joints. Cartman then took initiative and kissed Kyle this time, and the two ditched the pot and just made out all night long...
Author's note: In case anybody is wondering, I don't plan these stories, I just write as I go. So yeah. Kyle and Cartman hook up, or do they? Could this be just a one night stand? Find out in the next chapter of THE PARK BOYS, to be released whenever I have time to write it!
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