A/N: Hey! I wanted to update this sooner but I had a little bit of a block. But hopefully, I powered through it and you'll like it. Please R&R and THANK YOU for reading!

I had her to call my own.

I had her to hold, to kiss.

To love.

To whisper words of forever and eternity into the shadows knowing she was there to hear them; knowing that I would have them whispered back, even when I didn't deserve them she'd always say them back and then the shadows would light up with the sound of her voice.

And now, as I lay awake in the middle of an empty bed, in the darkest of shadows that the night possesses I can't find the voice, not even the smallest of whispers to ease the smoldering silence surrounding me, for I know there will be no answer in it.

After a while of just laying here, in silence and shadows without actually knowing if my eyes are open or not, I fear I have been swallowed by it all, the nothingness around me… or maybe I have been absorbed by the void in my heart, I can't really tell and I don't really care right now.

I don't know how long I have been lying here and I wonder what time it is, and for a moment I am not sure about what day it is either. It seems I have forgotten all about time and everything that comes with it. I feel myself sinking deeper because I used to be always aware of my surroundings, always looking forward to the future and all the things that were going to come, always planning… but now? I can't bring myself to care about any of that, I don't care about what time is it, I don't care what day it is. There's no point anymore, it's all pointless without her.

"Ugh!"

I hate thinking like that, I shouldn't, she wouldn't have, I am sure she would be lecturing me right now about being positive and that better things are yet to come. And I sigh as I wish I could sink deeper in the bed.

"My love, always the optimistic one".

Light slowly starts to make the curtains shine, shadows slowly become just shades and darkness starts to dissipate, turning into blurry spots of light and small rainbows reflected on the walls.

I feel relieved, I feel like I can breathe again.

The sun is still shining and sunrise was Rachel's favourite part of the day and maybe, just maybe, if I let myself sleep now, the heat from the first rays of daylight might warm me up just a little bit, just enough so that I can imagine she's still next to me.

I close my eyes and I can notice how the room is getting brighter and brighter. Rachel loved the light; she chose the curtains so that as soon as the sun started to come out the room lit up, I never really liked the idea, just on winter nights because of the warmth that started to fill the room.

I start to get lost in memories of laughter and light, of warmth and sunshine with her, and I start to drift away to sleep.

I start to get lost in memories of quiet I Love You's as my eye lids close and my mind finally shuts off and travels to another reality.

"I Love You Rach"

It comes out as a whisper because I don't have anymore strength to speak out loud, and as soon as the words leave my mouth I am already asleep.

I let myself get lost in the memories of whispers that make the shadows disappear.

I had been staying at the Berry's for two weeks already and things were slowly starting to get a back to normal. None of the Berry men had been unwelcoming or hostile towards me, which is not what I was expecting considering that they knew the story between Rachel and me. They had been hesitant at first, I could feel it whenever it came to leaving us alone together, but I was set on proving I was not who they thought I was, to earn their trust… I wanted to prove them I could be trusted, I wanted to prove Rachel she didn't make a mistake, and I needed to prove myself I could change… that there was something in me that was worth something.

Living at the Berry's was not at all like my father's house, everything was brighter and full of energy, even the sun appeared to be brighter when going through the windows, it felt warm and safe. It mad me feel like was I was able to breathe freely, well unless Rachel happened to be near me because she literally took my breath away.

If someone had told me four months earlier that it would be Rachel Berry the one who would make me feel safe I would've order slushies on them for a whole week. But, it was her, it felt like an invisible magnetic field that constantly pulled me to her, I didn't want to be apart from her at all. At the time I thought it was only because I felt some sort of debt towards her, for picking me up, for giving a place to stay, for believing in me… for giving me a second chance, which no one had ever given me, not even my own father. But I think that in some level I always knew what I felt, or was beginning to feel.

Between all the looks at school, the uncomfortable tension at Glee club, watching the Cheerios on their uniforms and dealing with hormones I was slowly starting to get angrier every day.

Every other day I'd miss my room, my bed and the silence that came with it. I'd even miss Finn's sometimes, the guy would probably brag about me living there with him and he might even say that we made out all the time while I was there, but the truth is that we barely even spoke to each other, between him not really knowing what to say and me feeling guilty over lying to him, we didn't really spend time together. He'd leave me be most of the time and I missed that a little bit. I had always been used to that, silence, being by myself with no one to really talk to and living with Rachel was the exact opposite of hat; everyone was always joyful and talking, sharing their feelings, talking about their day. They were always close to each other, hugging, kissing, exchanging words of encouragement and appreciation, and I didn't know how to act, it was something that I had never had on my father's house and it frustrated me because I wanted to be a part of that, I wanted to be able to be joyful and tell people that I cared about how I felt, and to be able to be comfortable with people hugging me. I wanted to be able to hug Rachel, and to tell her dads how grateful I was to them, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. There was something inside of me that stopped me from fully enjoying and, added to all the other things, it was soon becoming too much.

The explosion was inevitable, and though I wish it had happened a bit differently I am thankful for that talk because it changed something between the two of us that would be the beginning of our journey together.

It was the Friday of the third week of my stay at the Berry's and everything started off wrong. I was particularly moody and hormonal that day, the sun was shining too bright, not a cloud in the sky and I was extremely hot and that made me cranky. We were heading back from school and it was one of the most uncomfortable silences I had experienced, I had been angry all day and I had been trying to avoid Rachel and her perkiness, I really was not in the mood for that and I didn't want to lash out on her.

As soon as we got to her house I went upstairs to the guest bedroom which was now mine; I stayed at Rachel's bedroom for 2 nights but it was getting impossible for me to actually sleep next to her; and I locked myself in it. Rachel's dads were not there yet and Finn was coming to see Rachel, an encounter I did not want to have. I heard her call my name but I didn't look back.

Somehow I managed to fall asleep, if only for 15 minutes, and I woke up feeling a little bit less upset and I realized that Rachel was still out there and that I had to apologize to her. I hadn't heard the doorbell so I figured Finn hadn't come; I slid outside the bedroom trying not to make any sounds, I didn't want Rachel to be aware that I was out so that I could think a way to apologize to her. I heard her voice as it traveled through the hallway and from the down floor and my heart sped up, as it always did, and I smiled.

I took a few more steps when I heard another voice and froze. Finn was there; I deflated a little and felt angry again, so I turned around on my heels to return to the bedroom.

"No Finn, I already told you I can't. At least not today okay?"

I stopped because Rachel sounded upset and I hated that, specially knowing it was Finn's doing.

"But Rach! Why not? It is just a dinner date. Please Rach, I just wanna hang out with you"

I rolled my eyes and the tone of his voice, whinny like a freaking 6 year old asking for a candy. I couldn't believe that he was actually asking her out! My hands started shaking with anger and I had to remember to breathe normally.

"No Finn, I'm sorry, maybe we can go out another time. But Quinn's here and…"

"Quinn? Rachel are you serious? After everything you're blowing me off because she's here?"

My jaw dropped and my breath hitched, I didn't even know what I was feeling in that moment. There were so many emotions but just one thought in my mind. I was not only a burden to the Berry men by being there without being able to give back anything, but… I was also a burden to Rachel?

Tears threatened to fall but I shook them off, I wanted to leave but I needed to hear Rachel's answer. And, I got my wish.

"She's my friend Finn, and I am not going to leave her alone right now. Please understand that!"

"Understand what Rachel? That you're blowing me off to babysit her? Did you think I didn't notice how she avoided you today? Or how she's still distant with you? After all you've done for her? She cheated on me and then she lied about it! She wouldn't even talk to me when she was staying over! What? Do you expect that she'll be different with you?"

I didn't notice I was holding my breath until I had to inhale from the tears that were now flowing freely down my cheeks. He was right, and that meant that something was incredibly wrong. Finn's never right about anything.

I did my best to not start sobbing right there, I had to get myself together, at least long enough to walk back to the bedroom. My heart was beating rapidly, my hand was shaking as I tried to hold on to the wall for support. I heard her sigh and speak, her voice low and apparently calmed but with a distinct note of disappointment and finality.

"Finn, I won't let you talk about her like that. And since you have clearly nothing good to say I must ask you to leave now."

"Are you serious right now Rachel?"

This was it. This was Rachel's opportunity to leave…. I put my free hand over my chest preparing myself for the heartbreak.

"Yes, Finn. Please, leave now and don't call me."

I heard her open the door, I heard him scoff, I heard her close the door and let out a long breath and I couldn't control myself anymore, a sob escaped me and the hand I had placed on my chest went immediately to my mouth trying to stop any others from coming.

"Damn hormones!"

"Quinn?"

I closed my eyes because I couldn't move, and for a moment I wished that was enough for her not to notice me, but sooner rather than later her hand was on my shoulder trying to make me turn around but I literally couldn't, any movement would make me fall to my knees. Her hand slid around me as she turned to face me and I swooned at the gesture; she didn't want to break contact. Her hand was now on my cheek and I met her eyes. Big brown eyes were staring at me, waiting on me and I shook my head feeling angry at myself once again.

"You didn't have to do that you know? Blow him off because of me, you don't have to babysit me Rachel. You can go out if you want to."

She took back her hand and burrowed her brow, confusion evident in her eyes and a little bit of something very much like anger too.

"I mean it, I know I am not the greatest company and he obviously wants to be with you. You should've just gone with him."

"But… Quin… What?"

I shook my head once again, I didn't even know what I was saying, or why I was saying it I just needed to say it.

"He also has a point you know? "

"A point? What do you mean Quinn?"

I huffed and shook my head again, tears threatening to spill once again.

"Nothing Rachel. Just, forget it!"

"Please! Just, let it go. Please!"

She narrowed her eyes at me.

"Fine! He's right Rachel, I am not open or affectionate like Finn would be with you. I don't know how to act around a loving family like yours, I don't know how to be around people who expect nothing from me. I… and You… and you have been nothing but amazing to me, you and your dads have been nothing but incredible and forgiving and caring and I still can't find it in myself to…"

I took a step back and my hands immediately found my stomach and my chest, I tried to breathe and I tried to stop the tears from streaming down freely once again, but I failed.

"Quinn…"

She reached out to me and I took another step back.

"I can't be that person Rach, I don't know how"

It was just above a whisper and it was more for myself than for her ears, I didn't know how to explain it, I didn't know how to say what I wanted to say and I didn't want it to end in a screaming match, or in me hurting her.

"Rach…"

My back found a wall and I slid down and fell on my knee looking at the ceiling trying to find my breath, trying to find the words I wanted to say. Her hands found mine, she grabbed them tightly and I held on.

"Rach, I…. I am so sorry. I am sorry for being a burden to your dads and I am sorry you feel that you have to keep yourself from doing things just to stay here with me, and I'm sorry I don't know how to be as affectionate as I'd like to be, and I'm sorry I don't know how to express my gratitude to you or your dads."

I was visibly shaking and sobbing now, my words left my mouth between whimpers and chokes, I couldn't stop crying and Rachel was just sitting there staring at me, looking in my eyes for something and I hoped to God she found what she was looking for because maybe that way she'd know what I wanted to say without me having to say it. And apparently she found something because she took a deep breath and she looked at me with a serious gaze.

"Quinn, listen to me okay? You are not a burden to any of us okay? My dads have grown to really care for you, they had some struggle at first, specially my Daddy but you have proven to them that you are not who they thought you were. They really care about you, and they don't mind that you are here at all. Okay?"

She searched for my eyes and I looked at her and nodded faintly. She smiled.

"As for me and what happened with Finn. You know better than to actually listen to him, you know how he is, he talks without thinking and he says things out of spite and anger trying to make himself look as the victim. I don't feel that I have to stay here and babysit you, you are fully capable of caring for yourself if I ever decide to go out. I want, listen to me carefully okay Quinn? I want to be here with you, I want to be here for you, and I plan on being here always."

"Rachel, why? How? How can you find it in you to be that way with me? I can't even hug you for more than a few seconds for goodness sake! I can't even properly say "Thank you" to your dads! I want for nothing more than to be able to do that but, I … I can't! I just… I don't know how! I have never had anyone really care for me ever, I had never had anyone to actually want to hold me or that I wanted to hug or be affectionate with. I just… I have been… I have felt alone all my life and now? It 's just so overwhelming and amazing, and I don't know how to deal with it…"

I didn't know what else to say, everything was bottled up in a lump in my throat and in my chest and I was just sobbing now. A crying mess, and Rachel was holding me, letting me crumble with no intention of throwing it in my face.

Darkness and shadows were clouding my mind, tears were clouding my eyes and I just wanted to shake them off, I wanted to see the light and tear down my walls.

She sighed against my head and she whispered to me:

* "Just know you're not alone. I'm going to make this place your home."

And the tears stopped, and the shadows went away. And I smiled.

A/N: * Reference to Phillip Phillips' song "Home"