Okay so I changed my mind about needing parts 1 and 2 for this, so I collapsed part 1 and 2 into one bigger chapter and deleted the old chapter. If you already read We Make Our Own Destiny – Part 1 then only the last section of this chapter is next for you, after the Max/Tess scene.
Thanks so much for the feedback. kBeth82 thanks for the continuing support of this fic. Pier, you had such insightful comments and I took some of your feedback in account when I wrote this and will also use it for the next chapter. WhoKnew22 thanks for the review and I hope you continue to enjoy the fic.
Okay, now I think this might be the chapter that might get me to change the rating of this to M. I know I said that about Granilith, but this one is closer to M. It's definitely not a lemon but you've been warned things get a bit mature here. With that in mind I hope you enjoy this one and please continue with the comments. Those are so encouraging and helpful.
We Make Our Own Destiny
In the pod chamber Max hopes as he walks in, but nothing.
"Where are you?" he says out loud.
He walks around and realizes this is the first time he's here by himself. He sees Isabel's pod and the entrance that would lead to Adam if he could open it. "You came all the way back to change what I had done."
He turns and looks at the wall where his mother's image appeared and told him of their destiny. This is why he never came here on his own. He felt that this place was the start of all bad things. It was the place where Liz began to pull away from him and Iz and Michael began to stand against him and where he left Tess behind in her pod and hurt her for the first time. But it's not this place or them. "It's me. It's been all me," he whispers and keeps staring at the stone wall, wishing the image of his mother would reappear.
He thinks of Liz and how she never stopped loving him. How she sacrificed so much and it was him that couldn't see past his own hurt and realize the girl he loved was still there and in as much pain as he was. He even allowed Izzy to invade her mind. She gave him up out of love and he allowed his sister to mess with her head because he still felt hurt and betrayed. Liz should hate him. And his sister and Michael, they welcomed him with open arms when he needed them most even though he had fought them for so long. They just wanted Adam and he couldn't unconditionally support them from the start. He let his insecurities and own wants rule him. Why? Why?
And then there was Tess. Somehow in the midst of his pain and fear and the crazy circumstances, he finally saw Tess. He saw that she was overcoming what Nasedo had tried to create. She wasn't perfect or sweet. She was bossy and stubborn and good at making things turn out the way she thought was right. For good or bad, she was always relentless. She fought for what she believed in and she believed in the four of them and Adam and he had truly started to fall for her. She gave him new goals and courage and he gave her restrain and helped her think about things twice. He had started to accept her alien as she slowly embraced his human. But, he hesitated. When he realized that he could have a chance with Liz again, he hesitated, ever so briefly, but Tess knew.
"Oh God, is this destiny? Mom, is this what you wanted? Help me… please… I don't know what to do. I don't know how to be a King... Little Adam had to come to change the future because I destroy it, did you know that? Can you see? Mom, I let my family die, all three of them. But I atone by raising Adam and loving him and dying for him. Does that make it ok? I let them die... and I burden my parents and friends with raising a persecuted alien child and they die as well because I… I am selfish."
He touches the wall as a few tears fall down his cheeks. Liz didn't say it but he knows. He remembers how she was his focus after the DNA transfer. He was so set on his feelings and the need to be human that he lost sight of everything else. He did want to help his family but he didn't want to think about what Tess, Iz, Michael and Adam needed and put those needs first. He cared about them, but was ready to move on and convince Liz to take him back.
"Mom, I steal their chance to raise their baby. They've worked so hard and I mess it all up. And Tess… will I ever stop hurting her? She overcame Kivar's mind tricks and changed so much and I… mom, I feel so stupid. Zan would have never made Ava shed a single tear for him, I just know it. But I hurt Tess and Liz. I hurt everyone. Oh God, am I a terrible person? How could I deserve to lead? How am I supposed to be the King you need and keep everyone alive and Earth safe and free you and Antar? How? Answer me. Answer me, Mom! Come on, someone, answer me… please!"
He falls to his knees and sobs. He doesn't want to be the reason why everyone dies. He doesn't want to be what causes Michael and Tess to run and Izzy to cry and chase after Michael in distress. He doesn't want to be the source of the sadness in Liz's eyes or the anger and consternation in Kyle, Alex and Maria. He doesn't want to be angry and upset anymore. He needs to do better. He turns slightly and glimpses at the pods. Then he remembers what Liz said about Tess'. He takes a breath and cleans his face. Then he crawls in and at the back, a previously hidden door slides open with a wave of his hand, revealing the humming alien device. "The Granilith," he says. "Tess… you should be here. Where are you?"
The New Mexican Desert
He rides hard for over an hour. He can barely see the truck, but she could still catch up. So he goes as fast as the bike can take. He can't face her, not when he knows they're going to lose again. He remembers and he's not strong enough to lose in this life. He can't, not like Rath. But she's gonna die and their son will end up like him, parentless and chasing after something better that is nowhere to be found. It's all wrong and it hurts too much. He sees the dirt path coming up and knows that's his out. No way she can follow up those hills. He takes a right and goes off road.
Even on the bike the terrain is difficult to maneuver and he has to push hard uphill. Then he hears metal grinding and her scream. He turns and drives back. He smells burned rubber and sees the trail of broken vegetation and tire marks that the Montero has made. The truck has broken headlights and the front is all banged up. It's amazing that she made it up this far. But now the truck is rolling backwards and it's going too fast.
"Isabel!"
He jumps off the bike and lifts his hand. He's not even sure how he does it but the entire hill begins to shake and earth and stones move from all over to stop the truck's freefall. The back of the vehicle hits Michael's wall of rocks hard, but it stops. Then he runs like a man possessed until he reaches the driver's door. She's already opening it and he helps her out. He pulls her to him and holds her, then puts some distance and starts checking that she's okay.
"I'm fine," she says.
"Have you lost your mind? You could have gotten hurt! You could have gotten killed!"
"You're the one that brought us up here!"
He walks away from her. "You were supposed to stay on the freeway, not drive up here like you have a death wish! That is not a monster truck!"
"I had to get through to you! You left me!"
"I know. Isabel, go home."
"No." He looks at her like she doesn't understand anything. "You don't get to push me away and run, not anymore. I will come for you. Deal with it." He stands still, just looking at her with frustration and sadness in his eyes. "So?"
"Just… I'm..."
"Scared?" He doesn't say anything. "I'm scared too, but we can't run from this. Adam needs us."
"I know! He needs us but he doesn't get us. We die and -"
"So you're just gonna give up on us?"
"Didn't you hear? The future sucks! We lose! Just like Rath and Vilandra! We die and leave Adam behind and another planet falls. That's fucking destiny!"
"No!"
"Isabel, didn't you hear Liz? "
"I did! You're the one that needs to clean out his ears and listen. Did you not hear how Kyle and Liz spoke of Adam? They grew to care about him in the short time he was with them. They did what they did for him, for us. Michael, despite how awful the future seems, every single person that we have let in and grown to care about loves our son and willingly sacrifices for him. They help him come all the way to our time to save us. He was just twelve, but with our friends and family on his side he managed something amazing. If that's not proof that we make our own destiny then I don't know what is. Adam came to change the future and we got the seals and Tess is alive and Max is training and leading. Liz, Kyle and Alex did something amazing for us and Maria managed to get us through that awful conversation without falling apart completely. I don't know if we deserve them but we have so many great people to live for. And Adam wants us to raise him. He needs us and after what he and Liz and Kyle did he deserves that. So I intent to fight to make sure he has a life with me in it. I can't believe you won't. Do you want him grow up without a father?"
"Of course not! I just… I don't get to help raise our son. Liz does that, and Max, and Alex, Kyle and Maria, even your parents and the Sheriff. How am I supposed to live with myself knowing that? And then Rath… he was this destroyer, all great and mighty, the strongest of his galaxy so… I'm supposed to be a warrior, an amazing one. I'm supposed to protect you, but I can't stop thinking… what if I'm not strong enough? If in Antar the strongest warrior failed you, how can I make a difference?"
"Michael," she says in a tone filled with understanding and care.
"How, Isabel? I see the three of you and just... Tess knows the most and is stronger than even she realizes. She made an electric field and saved you in Atlas. And you're growing into your powers perfectly. You're the reason Adam is growing in the pod and you can beat Kivar in the dreams. And Max is the one that healed Tess and kept her alive after Atlas. He's the one we needed to help us with Adam's hatching. When he tries Max is actually good at leading us."
"But until Liz broke his heart he didn't," she says. "It was you that kept us going." Her tone is no longer argumentative. It's kind and sincere. "It was you that found Nasedo and got us to the book and my mother's message. You allowed Tess to become one of us and insisted on the research to get Adam out of the pod and got me to talk to Alex to help with the book. You got Max to listen to us. You did the retrieval sessions with Tess when I was too scared and Max too in denial. You managed to keep Maria as a friend even after you ended your relationship. And you healed me with your gazes and gave me a home and just a moment ago you shook a mountain to save me. Max maybe the leader now but since we found Adam it's been you that kept everything together."
"Hardly. Since we found Adam, we've killed, I hurt Maria badly, you almost died, Tess almost died and today we hurt Liz and I almost got you to kill yourself in that stupid car. If I had to hold the reins any longer I'd screw things up beyond repair. That's probably what happened in the future Adam lives."
She comes close to him and gently places a hand on his cheek. She stares and it's like she knows everything he hasn't said. He feels like his skin is heating up and his entire body quakes as she caresses his hair. She comes close and kindly but sternly says. "Stop this. You don't screw things up. You are not broken."
And then he can't help it. He needs everything to come out. Because he's scared shitless. He's scared that he'll lose her, that they'll die and his son will end up in some home for boys or worse with someone like Hank or killed by Kivar. He's scared that they will keep hurting their friends and everyone he cares about will die and Earth will fall because he feels half-broken and is not strong enough. He mumbles in between rough breaths and stray tears and all his insecurities and fears are spoken out loud. And she doesn't run and he knows that she understands because she's scared too. Her fears are the same.
"You are strong. You've been through so much and stayed strong. And you make me whole." She gets them to sit on a large boulder and holds him tenderly, stroking his hair, making him feel safe and cared for. "I love you so much. It's like I've been half in love with you my whole life and now that I've opened my eyes to what I feel, as scary as it is, I won't run from it or let it run from me. This is a second chance for all of us. We have all made mistakes and this is a chance to fix them. Just take this new chance with me." A few tears make tracks down her cheeks, but she regains her composure quickly and his own desperation recedes. "Trust me and be with me. We'll have Adam and find a way to be strong enough. We have to try, please Michael."
He nods in agreement because she's right. She's right and he loves her and couldn't leave her and Adam if he tried. God, how he's grown to love them.
"Together?"
"Together," she replies.
Then their lips meet and it's completely imperfect. There is no dream-like quality to this kiss, no flashes or alien powers that come out to make the place otherworldly. Their lips are salty from tears and they are tired from the crazy drive and processing what Liz and Kyle said and arguing. There's desert dust flying around them and the wind makes them shiver slightly. Their truck sits below half ruined and the screech of a hawk echoes around them, accentuating how the setting is raw and imperfect. It's real.
But the sun is bright, the sky is turning from a clear blue to a beautiful mix of orange and purple, and the cool wind makes them want to stay close. And he's addicted to the honeyed saltiness of her skin and she's lost in the warmth of his lips and the feeling of his body under her hands. So in the middle of the desert, they merge into one fierce creature. They're fire and flowers, hope and fear, intensity and balance… love. On a desert hill they achieve something neither thought possible. His anger and worries melt away with every kiss and moan and whisper of love. Her constant guilt and the need to pretend perfection leave her as their bodies quiver in a tangle of limbs. They come unhinged to needy touches, feverish lips and the slow sway of hips. And he promises to stay. He'll stay forever and fight with her, fight for them. There's no more loneliness or hiding, no more doubt. And when they think they can't climb any higher, stars burst behind their eyelids and they see their bodies joined as one, floating between two suns in outer space.
Monday after school, Liz is getting ready for her shift at the Crashdown. She hears the knock at her window and can't help the relief she feels when she sees him. "Max." She lets him in. They stare at each other for a few seconds. He looks torn. "I don't know what to say."
"Me neither. I… I said everything." She sees him nod and breathe deeply, as if he's nervous. "You weren't in school. Where did you and Tess go?"
"I was hoping you knew if she went to school."
"You didn't catch her?"
He shakes his head in the negative. "I was right behind her car then the tires of the jeep flattened all at once. By the time I got out and used my powers to fix them she was gone. I called my parents and said I was staying the night with Isabel and Michael and I searched for her. I can't find Izzy or Michael either."
They look at each other quietly. He looks like he's carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. Suddenly, he's not a teenager anymore, he looks much older and lost and exhausted.
"I'm sorry," she says.
"You don't have anything to apologize for, not anymore. It's me. I'm sorry." She looks at him confused. "I should have known that you wouldn't do that. I know you, you wouldn't betray me. I kept saying I loved you, I thought I did, so much, but I let you go through all that alone. I believed the worse and I even let Izzy invade your mind. I'm sorry." He sees a single tear run down her cheek and hugs her. He holds onto her for a couple of seconds, remembering how much she meant to him, how much he would have done for her. "Forgive me, Liz," he says and then steps away.
She looks at his tired eyes. "What now?"
"I don't know. But I need to find them. They're my family." She nods in agreement, feeling her heart clench. "I just… could you talk to Kyle? See if Tess contacted him or the Sheriff?"
"Of course. Kyle was worried about her but he let it go since he thought she was with you. You want me to tell him you're coming to their house?"
"No, I… I can't see Kyle or Alex. Not yet."
"But you wanted to see me?"
"Liz… we've hurt each other badly but now I know it all finally makes sense. And I'm sorry I brought all this pain to your life and kept acting betrayed and wounded and angry. You deserve better. Even now, me coming here is hurting you and it gets worse because I didn't come just to see you and apologize."
"You came to find her. You love her."
"Liz, I… I've had feelings for you from the moment I first saw you. I used to think just being in your presence made me human and that the dream of us and our love could never end. It didn't completely, but…"
"But what?"
"But I can't think that way anymore. I can't think about me and lost childhood hopes and dreams. Tess became someone I need. She got me to stop feeling sorry for myself and to accept what Izzy and Michael were going through. She bridged the gaps between us and because of her I feel like I can slowly stop fearing the alien inside and grow up. And then I wanted more, but she didn't want to let me in because she thought I would leave her behind. Her biggest fear about us was exactly this. She thought that at the soonest opportunity, I would leave her for you. Liz, me and Tess… it's only been a couple of days of a real us, but I care about her deeply and I won't allow myself to hurt her, not again. And you… you deserve more than I can give. I don't want to go back and drag you down into alien madness and make you worry or put you in danger. Liz, we need to move on. I need to see this thing with Tess through and you deserve someone that can give you happiness. I want that for you. I want you to find a way to be successful and blissfully in love and have hopes and dreams that won't get shattered by me and war and the end of the world. I want you to get a chance to be yourself again."
She nods and take a breath to keep herself from crying. "I'll call Kyle."
"Thank you."
In the living room at Alex's house.
"I can't believe you didn't tell me."
"It's not like it was only my decision. Why are you only taking this out on me again?"
"Because you're the only one I can take it out on. Liz is too sad and Kyle too worried. Plus, he was not one of my best friends when all this started. And our aliens are gone. But when Space Boy and Queen Ami come back they will get an earful from me and you don't even want to know about the chewing out that awaits Mister King and Space Slut. I don't care if the four of them were worried or suspicious or whatever, they had no right to do that to Liz."
"I couldn't agree more."
"Agreeing with me doesn't let you off the hook. You should have told me."
"Maria, when I found out, you were closer to Isabel and Michael than the rest of us. We didn't want you to have to hide things too. Plus, what would have been the point? It wouldn't have changed what Liz was going through or my decision to put distance between me and Tess."
"You don't think a girl needs her best friend when her heart gets broken? And I would have supported you. I know how much liked Space Slut despite everything I said to you. So really Alex."
"Fine, we should have told you and you were right about me liking Tess. Happy now?"
Maria agrees but somehow starts scolding him again which almost makes him laugh because he knows it's not about him. She's just venting. Her rant is interrupted by the doorbell. Alex goes to answer.
"Tess."
"Hi."
"We've been really worried about you," Alex says.
"I'm sorry. I didn't really want to talk. I was angry and sad and just… can I come in?"
"Off course." She walks inside.
"Space slut."
"Oh, motormouth."
"So where have you been? You got everyone freaking out about where you are and you left Kyle and Alex feeling like crap and didn't even apologize to Liz and -"
"Maria."
"No, she's right. I… like I was saying, I was angry and sad and… wrong, okay. I was wrong."
"Well that's a start."
"Maria, please."
"It's fine. I… look it's not every day you find out that the reason you're still alive is the girl that the guy you love is in love with."
"So this is Liz's fault now?"
"No. I'm sorry, okay. I'm crap at this heart-to-heart human thing. Most of it I tried to learn from Iz, Kyle and Alex. And I know I'm probably doing this all wrong. But with any luck I can at least communicate some of my feelings."
"Don't set your standards too high," Maria says sarcastically.
"Maria, would you let her talk until she's done?"
She turns to Tess. "So, talk."
"Ignore her, she's just mad."
"Of course, I'm mad. You had Isabel break into Liz's mind. I know it was your idea."
"It was," Tess says guiltily.
"Why?" Maria asks.
"Because I was scared and confused and… I made a mistake, okay."
"Alright, enough," Alex orders. "Tess, where have you been?"
"Sierra Blanca Peak."
"Your brother," Alex says. She nods. "You found him?"
"Yeah. I just… I needed that. I guess when I heard about a future where the skins take over and I'm dead with nothing to show for it I just needed someone that was mine and not part of that future at all. I needed to know that even with Max going back to Liz and everyone all upset, I would not be all alone again and -"
"You're not alone," Alex assures. "I would never let you be all alone."
"I know. See that's the thing. I've been so focused on the past and being alien that I didn't see what I have right in front of me. And then I found Anquio and seeing him in the pod… he looks older than us but so... vulnerable. It was like seeing a bigger version of Adam, trapped in a pod." She looks just at Alex. "It's just… after what Larek said and seeing him… he's going to need me so much and I kept thinking… how am I supposed to help him get over losing our family and fighting a war for years? How do I help him heal from that and have us become a family and have him train us and help us with the skins? I've never had to be the person that cared, the one that someone could depend on completely. But then I realized that I can be, that since I've been here I've learned to care and I can be a friend and an adopted sister and daughter. I can care and the first human that showed me how to do that was you."
"Tess," Alex says with kindness.
"I'm not finished."
"Finish."
"You… you mean the world to me. When I came to Roswell I made so many mistakes. I know that I was under Kivar's influence and Nasedo was leading me down the wrong path, but some of it was me. I wanted Max and the four square so badly. I wanted my family so much, so blindly, that I made it easy for them to use me and the one thing that gave me some clarity was Adam. And then there was you. You didn't need to be helpful and kind to me, but you were. I brought all this chaos and your friends hated me, but there you were, all open minded and sweet and good at listening. You even stood up to Max for me when he was being an asshole, even before Isabel was on my side. Then… when you stopped helping me… it hurt. And when I heard you and Kyle talking to Liz behind my back… I just… it was like I was losing two of the few people that I really trusted to Liz, just like I keep losing Max."
"It's not a competition," Maria argues.
"You're right, but that's what I felt. I guess I was jealous and just… mad. But that's not the main reason I talked Izzy into prodding Liz' mind. And it was my idea and she didn't really want to it. She was scared but Michael and I convinced her. I just… I honestly did not understand why you would hide things. You and Kyle were so great with me and I tried to be good to you and as much as I didn't like it, I knew Liz still cared about Max. Whatever was making you say these things had to be something important, maybe something alien. And if it was alien then you three could be in real danger and not even realize it. I needed to be sure… I needed to know that no alien was in your heads making you do things that could endanger everyone and I thought Izzy could figure that out because she can defeat Kivar in the dreams and get him out of people's subconscious."
Maria lets out a big exhale. "This is such a mess. God, I so wish I could still hate your guts. But you were worried that Kivar was doing to them what he did to you. What you did was so wrong, but in your own messed up way you were trying to help. Congratulations, you are officially more of a clueless jackass than Space Boy."
Tess lets out a small laugh. "Clueless jackass, I can live with that. Coming from you it's like a compliment."
She turns back to Alex. "I should have talked to you and asked why you were avoiding me. I just... I don't show my hurt. I don't know how," she says, looking completely miserable. He gets closer to her and takes her hand. "Nasedo taught me to never show weakness. I thought if I showed anyone something hurt then they would see me as weak and take advantage. The only one that's ever seen and understood is Isabel and that's because she tries to hide everything too. I just… I'm sorry… it was easier to act high and mighty and angry and run than to do this. But I am sorry and I thought you should be the first one to know. You were my first friend; my first real hope and I don't want to give you up because I have trust issues and I'm scared to death of letting people in. Alex, whatever happens with my brother or Adam or the skins and Antar and Max, I want you and Kyle in my life. Please stay in my life and show me… show me how to feel this pain and let it out and be better."
"Tess… off course I want to be in your life. I'll always be your friend," he says and then hugs her. She lets a few tears out as she says, "Thank you. Thank you for caring when no one else did. Thank you for being Alex."
Meanwhile at the Crashdown in the back room.
"Any news?" Liz asks.
"No. I asked dad to put an APB on her. But he already did that once, when they were taken to Atlas. If he does it again the state or even the FBI might become involved. After Pierce that's the last thing he wants so he's just calling a few favors from his office, but nothing official."
She sits next to him. "I'm sorry, Kyle. I know how much Tess means to you."
He shakes his head in the negative. "You don't." He sees the questions in her eyes. In the last few months he's learned to read Lizzie like a book. "Without mom… it was like dad became my roomate. A roomate I respected and could count on if needed, but we didn't tell each other anything and trying to do stuff as a family was just a reminder of how she was missing, so we stopped trying. Then Tess moved in. I don't think she meant to make us a family again. Half the time she said what she was doing was Izzy's idea or that she wasn't about to live her life eating nasty frozen food or some other bossy nonsense."
He starts talking in his best imitation of a girly voice. "Jim, I don't eat my meals on a couch in front of the television. I need my own chair in the dining room. Get one and be home at a decent time so we can eat properly at the table. Nasedo at least managed that when he wasn't scoping a new town or freaking over the FBI. Kyle, it's called a bra it needs to get washed, get over it. As far as I know tampons belong in the bathroom, get over it. Kyle, it's just a Jersey and it fits me well, get over it."
His voice goes back to normal. "She was unbearable. No way we could think of my mom when she was bossing us around. I once told her she was lucky Buddha teaches about peace and restraint, otherwise I would strangle her if she said 'get over it' again," he says with a sad laugh. "Eventually we figured out how to share. And she made meatloaf once a week because it's my favorite and bacon and eggs for dad every Saturday morning. She forced us to make her tacos Monday nights and somehow ate all our burned first experiments. It all tastes the same with enough Tabasco," he says with a nostalgic smile, but sees the sadness in her eyes. "Sorry, I know this has been so hard for you and Tess is probably the last thing you want to hear about."
She shrugs. "I'll be okay. I have to be."
He takes her hand and gives it a gentle squeeze. "You will be. Max is lucky to have you."
"He wants Tess. He came to me so I would check on her through you. Destiny wins. I lose him."
"We can only lose what we cling to. We make our own destiny."
"Did Buddha say that?"
"Part of it, yes." She smiles sincerely. "Liz, you don't have to feel like you're losing. You have a great family and this place and Alex and Maria… and you have me. I'm not much, I know Alex helps more, but -"
"Kyle, you've been amazing… thank you," she says, squeezing his hand kindly.
He smiles weakly at her. "It's alright Parker. So… Iz and Michael are also missing."
"Yeah. Max says they didn't answer their cells."
"Maybe they're just busy. Last time they didn't answer their cells they weren't in any danger, just with each other, like really with each other."
"Hopefully you're right."
"Those two are safe," he says with confidence. He feels her staring at him like she's not so sure. "Have some faith. Our Little Buddha came to us to make things better and they will be better. I have to believe we've achieved that much."
"You're right. Thanks Kyle."
"Anytime, Liz. Anytime."
She manages a real smile at that and then her phone rings. She answers.
"It's Maria. Tess is with them at Alex's house."
Kyle stands and she knows he's heading to Alex's. "I'll see you soon."
"I'll call Max."
The next day at the bleachers by the football field during recess.
"So, you were in Hondo?"
He nods. "We were close to that town when it got late so we stayed the night then came back yesterday in the afternoon."
"And you couldn't call and tell us you and Queen Ami were alright?"
"We called as soon as we got home. I left my phone at the house and Izzy's is broken."
"And you didn't have a phone in the hotel you stayed in?"
"We didn't think about it."
"Fine, but what happened to Isabel's phone and what is the matter with your truck?"
"Isabel crashed. She was following me and like an asshole I took off to an area where the truck wouldn't be able to drive properly. She went downhill car and all." Maria looks alarmed. "She's okay. We even fixed all the dents on the truck. I just didn't want anyone to drive it until the engine gets checked. Her phone was on the dashboard and got ruined. We tried to use our powers to fix it, but had no idea how to put some of the small pieces back."
"I'm glad she's okay. Are you okay?"
"Yeah. I'm good," he says, remembering the past couple of mornings.
"Then what do you have to say for yourself? Why did you encourage the madness of invading Liz's mind and then treated us like your enemies? I know Space Slut started it but you were the first to join her in that bandwagon. Queen Ami wouldn't have gone there without you agreeing first."
"Remember how I just said I was an asshole."
"Don't give me that. What on Earth was going through your head?"
"I don't know. Tess was worried some alien was messing with them and I thought she was probably right. So I went with it and got Is and then Max to agree. It was dumb and Izzy feels like crap about it. And then after she saw Adam in Liz's head and she cried I just needed to get answers."
"That wasn't about answers. You went into full suspicious alien jerk mode," she says and gives him a meaningful look.
"Okay. Suspicious alien jerk it is. I'm sorry, really. I mean it."
"You suck at apologizing. Even Space Slut did better than you."
"Sorry again?"
"You better practice because you and Queen Ami owe Liz an apology. And it better be better than this."
"Noted. So... we're okay?"
She nods and he looks kind of flabbergasted. "Don't look so surprised. I think Space Slut's crying softened me for the rest of you."
"Guess I'll have to thank Tess."
"Just apologize to Liz and we'll be squared away."
"We will. Iz and I are going to see her after Iz is done with work today. And umm… thanks Maria."
"You're welcome."
"No, I mean like... thanks for everything." She looks at him confused. "Look I know I hurt you. I was like the worst boyfriend on the planet to you, probably on this planet and mine. But you've still been great to me and everyone else. I don't know where I'd be without you. I probably wouldn't have Izzy and a house for Adam or anything and… even in the terrible future Liz talked about Adam loved you and you told him about me and took care of him, so… thank you. Did I suck at this thank you thing too?"
"No, you didn't suck," she says with happiness in her eyes. "And you're welcome Space Boy."
"Friends?"
"Forever." He smiles, a real and big smile. "Okay what's up with you?"
"What are you talking about?"
"You've been acting weird all day. Your scowl has been much too tame and that smile can't be just because you're out of hot water with me. What's is it?"
"Nothing."
"Michael, spill."
Meanwhile in a hallway close to the cafeteria.
"Tess, wait."
"What is it?"
"You've been avoiding me," Max says.
"I know."
"Why?"
"Why not? How's Liz?"
"Tess, it's over. Me and Liz, we're done."
"Keep telling yourself that."
"What's that supposed to mean?" A teacher passes by and they quiet down. He gently pulls her into an empty classroom.
"Tess, I -"
"Don't. I'm fine and I don't want to hear it. I release you. Move on, pursue your love, whatever. We'll team up when needed and everything will be fine. With some time we can probably even be friends. Just let it go."
"No." She looks angry and confused. "Tess, I care about you."
"Since when? You definitely didn't before Liz pretend slept with Kyle."
"That is not true. Look, I know I acted like a jerk for way too long. I was afraid of you because of what happened when you first got here. But then when we started to remember and when you said you were done with destiny, I got this weird feeling… I was confused and like... ashamed. I didn't realize what it meant and I did my best to ignore it, but now I get that I cared. And when we suspected Nasedo had hurt you before and you could be in danger, I wanted you to move and be safe with the Sheriff. That was my idea even if it was Isabel that first brought it up to you. I wanted to make sure you were safe. I cared."
"Really? Did you care all the times you accused me of mind-warping you and pushed me away from you and everyone else? Did you care when Liz explained what happens in the future and you stared at her like she was the only one in the room? Just admit that I was a thorn at your side and that you would have been happy to have me gone and out of the way."
"Never. Tess, when Nasedo took you and Isabel… I was so worried -"
"Glad to know my ultimate demise might have been unpleasant for you."
He sighs. She blames him for all of this and is too hurt and angry to have a rational conversation. But he has to try to make her see reason. "Tess, I'm sorry. I can't pretend to know how hard all this has been for you. What Nasedo and Kivar did and how I played a part in brewing your anger and insecurities was not fair. You have every right to be defensive, but I didn't lie when I said I was falling for you. I care and I want to be there for you. I want to help."
"You can't help. I understand and appreciate that you're trying to do right by me. But what Liz, Kyle and Alex did is the only reason you even bothered with me and probably the reason I let you close again. It must have been so hard for Liz and then I went and got Izzy to mess with her head. Just go back. She deserves your love and you can have a guilt free future now. I'm alive and plan to stay that way. You don't have feel guilty. Don't try with me out of some weird sense of remorse or duty. We were betrothed and pushed together once, but we don't have to live that way again. I want love not just destiny. I refuse to be bound by duty like Zan and Ava."
"Zan loved Ava. That is true and now I remember it as clearly as I remember my life here. But that is not why I'm doing this. Tess, you mean so much to me. When we're together, being me, alien and human, and flawed and scared, it's all okay. With you I... I got to see that despite all your pain and mistakes you're still so beautiful and strong and resilient and I want you. I want you because when we're together everything we are, good or bad, it is all okay. Together we can be stronger and make everything turn out well. I love you. How can I convince you that I have fallen in love with you?"
"I don't know, Max. I don't know."
He comes close to her and caresses her face, just like he did before their first kiss. "Please," he whispers. She looks so beautiful and he kisses her. She feels the flutter in her chest and gives in, but quickly stops and steps away.
"I'm too scared. I'm sorry," she says and then leaves.
At the Crashdown at close-up time. Liz and Maria are cleaning.
"So did you made them grovel for your forgiveness?"
"Maria."
"Oh come on. I went soft on them, especially Space Boy. I was hoping you would pick up the slack."
"Ria, I could tell Isabel felt awful and Michael did his best to apologize. They were both so thankful for everything I did and what I told them about Adam. They even gave me flowers."
"You got flowers? From Michael Guerin?"
"And Isabel. They're in my room."
"Impressive. But still, you gave them a quick out just because of flowers?"
"And Tess... she begged me not to blame them. She said that it was all her."
"She groveled. First to Alex then Kyle then you and took all my accusations with stride. Surprisingly Space Slut got the right idea."
"Maria. It's Valentine's day tomorrow. I don't want to spend a day that's supposed to be about love and friendship acting wounded and bitter. Punishing them by refusing their apologies isn't going to make this better. I just… I need to make peace with everything. I haven't lost. We can only lose what we cling to."
"You sound like Buddha Boy."
"Actually, Kyle told me that and it helped. I feel like this time I… I might be ready to finally let go. I can stop clinging to the dream of me and Max," she says, sounding like she might cry.
"Chica," Maria says kindly and then goes to hug her. "I'm going to chew Max out. He's the one that I haven't had a chance to talk to yet and I can definitely toughen up and give him a piece of my mind."
"Don't. He needs Tess."
Maria doesn't want to believe it. She always had faith in Max and Liz. He had been so devoted.
"I… tell me how."
"How what?"
"How did you get over Michael?"
"Oh Liz."
"How? I know you loved him. How did you move on?"
"You. Alex. Brody. Even Isabel." Liz looks confused. "Sweety I knew you had my back. If I needed to cry or freak out, I could go to you, even over the phone when you were in Florida. And Alex was always there as well, sharing the load and then with the band. Even Izzy and her Nelly Furtado concert and getting mad at Michael for letting me go, it all helped. Then I met Brody. He became someone I could talk to from almost the moment he got here. If there's a God out there he did me a solid when he send me to deliver those sandwiches."
Liz smiles at her.
"All done there?" Liz's dad asks.
"Yeah."
"We're just gonna head upstairs, Mr. P."
"Don't forget to call your mom if you're staying over," he says.
"Right. On it," she says and makes that call as they head up to Liz's room. Maria borrows some of Liz's pajamas and they lay down on Liz's bed.
"I love you forever Chica, you know that."
"I know," she says with a smile. "Ria… What's it like? Finding someone new. You weren't over Michael when you met Brody, right? What made you be able to feel that way again? I can see you are just about in love with him, almost like Michael"
"No, it's different. I… I'm not constantly fighting all his demons or anxious that he may have to go to another planet or leave me behind to be there for his baby and alien princess or go battle aliens or some other craziness. I will always love Michael, but it got too complicated, even for me. I admit, the abductions and Larek disrupting my first kiss with Brody already made things be all alien weird, but it's not as difficult as things with Michael. Maybe my 'destiny' is to have to deal with alien crap in some way, shape, or form," she jokes.
They both laugh briefly but then Liz looks at her with questioning eyes. "You're right that when I met Brody I wasn't over Michael. But I liked that he took me and my problems seriously, like you and Alex, but different… he always gave me this really logical advice that made me feel better. Talking to him made me realize that life goes on even after things don't go the way you had hoped. He's divorced and an alien takes over his body, but still he manages. And he bought the UFO center as a way to take charge of what was happening to him and find answers, and despite everything he was kind to me and listened. It made me realize that getting over Michael was not an impossible task. That I just needed to set my mind to it and be strong and do it. Then I saw him with Sidney and… he was so great with her and then when I saw him after Max healed her... his smile could light up a room more than all the Christmas lights on Main street. I just wanted him around so much more after that. You know, when I saw the flash of Michael and Isabel kissing in their planet and I made him explain, he told me that things with her and Adam were easy. Maybe clueless Space boy for once had a point and that's what it's all about and loving someone shouldn't be always a struggle. It doesn't mean never disagreeing and stuff, but just not being on edge all the time. And with Brody it's like that despite all the Larek nonsense. God, I sound like a lovefool."
"Good," Liz says with a smile.
The next day at school, Michael runs into English class late. He looks winded and disheveled as he sits behind Tess who is next to Kyle.
"Thanks for gracing us with the pleasure of your company, Mr. Guerin," the teacher says.
"You're welcome."
The class laughs. "Funny. See me after class about detention."
"Detention. Today?"
"Yes."
"But -"
"Everyone, pass your essays to the front row and we'll begin our discussion on Orwell."
"Not today," he whispers, sounding dismayed. Kyle laughs at him. "If I didn't owe you so big and really needed to pass this class, I would deck you, Buddha Boy."
"You could try, Mr. Mall."
"Would you two shut up," Tess says. "Some of us actually want to learn something."
"As if you cared about 1984 or Animal Farm. You're only trying to avoid thinking about Max."
She turns around with a glare. "Shut up, Guerin. And why do you care about having detention this afternoon anyway? Could it be that you sweetly and thoughtfully made plans for Valentine's day with your girlfriend and your attitude is nothing but a cover for you being a big softie?"
"Shut up, Harding."
"You started with the jerk attitude, now deal."
"Fine, whatever. Sorry."
"So, why are you do upset about this detention?"
"I'm not upset."
"Pissed off and upset," Kyle adds.
"Screw you two."
"Definitely has some plans for Izzy," Kyle tells Tess.
"Oh, I know. I'm right on the money."
He slid the poems into her locker in the morning and now watches as she reads them. She looks surprised and then sad. She puts the pink papers in a notebook, hugs it to her chest and then walks away towards the cafeteria without giving him a glance. He slouches against the wall. Even Michael is giving him a look of sympathy. But he can't give up.
"How did you do it?" Max asks.
"Do what?"
"Convince Izzy that things between you weren't about Rath and Vilandra or finding comfort since you couldn't be with Maria. That it wasn't just what was convenient or destined. How did you get her to realize you love her?"
Michael looks like he was just asked to describe the hardest experiment known to man. "I don't know, Maxwell."
"She won't even look at me."
Michael takes a breath. He can't believe he may actually spend his lunch trying to explain this to Max when he really needs to take care of business. The plan is going to crap and at this rate Isabel will say no and Maris's going to kick him for not listening. But Max looks miserable. So Michael motions for them to go outside. They go and sit in the jeep eating their sandwiches.
"So what's the full story?"
Max explains that Tess told him she's too scared and everything else. "She thinks I should go back to Liz. That the only reason we got together was Liz pretending to sleep with Kyle and that I'll go back to her eventually."
"She's right." Max looks unhappy and ready to argue. "Look don't take everything I say to heart because I'm crap at the girls thing. I'm shocked that I haven't completely screwed things up with Isabel. No, I take that back, I screwed up big time after Liz told us, but Iz turned it all around," Michael says with a hint of a smile.
"What happened in Hondo?" Max asks.
"None of your damn business is what happened," Michael answers with a scowl and sees that Max is ready to argue. "You want my opinion about Tess or are you going to bug me about your sister?"
"Fine, what do you think I should do?"
"I think I don't know Tess as well as Kyle and Alex, which means you should ask if they'd help." Max nods. "Also, Tess is not Isabel. She spent too much time being tricked by Nasedo and pursuing destiny and believing and being denied by you."
"Thanks Michael, I already feel like crap about all that."
"Just saying you have to own that and the fact that if Liz and Kyle hadn't pretended to sleep together you would have never given Tess a chance."
"But -"
"Max, if Liz had taken you back, you would have stayed with her while Tess and the rest of moved on with your lives."
"Fine. You're right. Michael, I'm sorry."
"What are you apologizing to me for?"
"Because… future Max left you three alone and you died. I took away your chance to raise Adam and -"
"Maxwell, shut up. You don't owe me an apology for something you haven't actually done. You're not future Max and Tess is alive and Iz and I refuse to die and leave Adam to be raised by other people. Look, on Sunday, Isabel got me to realize that we don't have to be those people. I don't have to let the future that Liz told us about or the past of Rath and Vilandra lead me. I can do as I please and I choose Isabel and Adam, not because it's destiny or because they're there and they're my obligation or because being with Maria while having them in my life got too hard. I choose them because I love them and I need them and that's that. It doesn't matter how it happened, they are what I want." Max smiles. "You ever repeat that, especially around Kyle, and you're dead."
"Your secret is safe with me."
"Whatever, point is that once I realized what I wanted and let go of the past and what could have been and shared all of it with Is then everything seemed fine. Forget Rath and Vilandra and the future, it's just me and Isabel and Adam and what we want. Maybe that's what Tess needs, just to know that you don't care about all that stuff."
"I told her it's not about Zan and Ava. That I know they loved each other, but that's not why I want her."
"What about the future? Tess might think that you want her just so you can change the future and Kivar taking over Earth and all that. Is that why you want her?"
"No! I mean of course I'd want to change that, but that's not why. I think I'm in love with her."
"Thinking won't cut it. Look, Kyle and Alex may know better, but I think in Tess is more like me than like you or even Is. So a maybe or I think are not enough. If that's all Iz gave me I probably would give up too and let her find someone she really loved."
"You're a genius. Thanks Michael," Max says and hops out of the jeep.
Michael is confused, but he must have done something right. Sometimes Max is as unpredictable as women. He grabs his cell and calls Evans and Johnston.
And that's a wrap for We Make Our Own Destiny. Whew, okay so two thirds of this story will be done once I write the next chapter and that will be the beginning of the end. Can't believe that when I started I thought I would finish this story in 10 chapters. We're at 20 and I still have about a third to go.
Just for fun you should know that I had the idea a redo of End of the World but with future Adam from the very beginning of this story, so writing the last two chapters has been awesome for me. Since the Rebel idea won out, you got this. But the scenes with Liz/Max and Tess/Alex would have been similar if I had ended up going with Dreamer/Fifth Wheeler just with different ends. I almost wish I would have put Tess and Alex together since the scene with them made me so happy and that idea was really interesting to me for a while since there aren't many fics with that pairing. But I already did the unusual Pepperjacker, so I let that one go. And I'm thrilled to try writing a rebel fic.
This chapter and the next are in part inspired by the quote: "Forgiveness is not for them, it's for you." It was hard to write about everyone making peace with each other after the events in The Alien Child King that Died in my Arms and this quote helped a lot. People hurt each other, sometimes with intention, but I'd like to believe that more often than not pain is caused unintentionally, out of misplaced fear or anger, especially among friends. Forgiving doesn't justify or condone the wrongs done and may not even achieve reconciliation, but it will bring back the positive to your life. I wanted Liz more than the anyone else to focus on that and come out of the whole mess from the future wiser and ready to heal. And then I want to move on to happier things which will come on the next chapter.
Anyway, let me know what you think. Should I change this to M? I wasn't sure if that one scene was enough to change the entire fic to an M rating. What do you guys think? :)