Between my breakdown and my massive hungover I don't really have any energy left to actually leave and make the journey back to my place, my head is aching and my heart is heavy… or, is it the other way around? I don't even know anymore, all I know is that even after breakfast I still feel dizzy and confused and drained, so when Anna invites me to hangout a bit longer I said yes.

And so, we have now been sitting on her couch for a couple of hours, talking about a lot of things, normal small talk from when you're just meeting someone, she's really nice, she's funny, she's very obviously beautiful, and she doesn't push me to talk about Rachel again, which I truly appreciate. I'm able to enjoy myself and, at times, I don't felt as broken. I haven't felt like this since… well, since Rachel, not in the same way though, but it's still nice, she doesn't look at me like I'm wounded or about to break, even when I can tell she does feel sad for me. But, even though I am enjoying myself, I can't help but to feel a sense of guilt by admitting it, because even if my mind knows this is okay, my heart can't stop feeling I'm betraying Rachel somehow… I wonder if the guilt will ever go away.

"Okay, your turn."

We're playing what's supposed to be 20 questions, but we've been playing for hours so it's more like 500 questions by now. It's my turn to ask and I have absolutely no idea what to ask about, we've covered a lot of stuff and I think I've reached the limit of my thinking abilities.

"You go, I can't think of anything else to ask"

She purses her lips and then grins.

"What's the most embarrassing thing you ever did in high school?"

And I try to remember, I remember doing things to make people feel embarrassed but I don't quite remember doing anything embarrassing.

"I don't think I ever did anything embarrassing."

Anna scoffs and rolls her eyes.

"Come on, Quinn. It's obvious you were a popular kid, but even popular kids did embarrassing stuff!"

"Well, I got slushied once. That was pretty embarrassing."

She looks at me half confused, half worried and a little bit disgusted.

"What exactly is slushied?"

I laugh, like, fully laugh.

"Well, you know what a slushie is, right? Like, that frozen beverage? We kinda used to throw those at people who weren't popular?"

"What!? Oh my God, that's awful! Honestly, Quinn. I wonder how many outfits you ruined."

"Yeah, it sucked."

She looks at me judgingly and raises her eye brow. I remember now all the ways she and Rachel are apparently alike and it stings a little.

"So, anyway, we had joined the Glee club a couple of months earlier, I was a cheerleader so I had been untouchable but we lost a regional competition and, apparently, that's where my influence ended. So, we were walking down the hall and suddenly there was this flash of red and then just cold all over."

She nods and looks satisfied.

"You don't have to look so smug, you know?"

"I'm sorry, it's just, you kinda had it coming."

"Yeah, I kinda did."

"You know? I can totally see you as a cheerleader with the pony tail and the attitude and the power walk and everything, but Glee club? Wasn't that like, really low on the hierarchy level for you to be in it?"

I chuckle, shake my head, and sigh.

"It was, yeah, at first it was. But then, it just wasn't."

I get lost in my thoughts, and she lets me, for a little bit. I can't tell her how grateful I am for her right now.

"So…. Are there any videos?"

I look at her and I see she's trying to be cautious about the subject.

"Yeah, I have some on my phone… I don't know where it is though."

We both look around the living room looking for my phone, I honestly don't remember where it might've ended up.

"Ha! Got it."

Anna hands me over my phone and I start looking through the videos, there are a lot of videos of Rachel singing, Rachel laughing, Rachel just being… Rachel. I try my best to not cry, because well enough is enough, but I can't hold in all the tears. She puts her hand on my shoulder and talks to me softly.

"Quinn, if this is too hard-"

I shake my head, I realize that I need this. I haven't heard Rachel sing since…

"It's okay. I kinda need this too."

I find the one I'm looking for and press play.

Three minutes and fifty seconds later, the song ends, I let go of the breath I didn't know I was holding and I hear Anna do the same.

"Wow! Quinn, that was… just, wow."

I sigh sadly.

"Yeah, I know, she was pure raw talent, and I didn't always support her like I should've."

We were at Rachel's house and we had been arguing over silly little things for weeks now, I was jealous and she was nervous and Finn kept pushing for them to do duets and I hadn't exactly told her how I felt about her so there was nothing that I could do about it except just watch them rehearse, and sing, and dance, and hold hands, and…

"Dammit, Rachel! What do you want from me? Stop pushing me! We'll get the song ready when we have it ready."

"That's not good enough, Quinn. We need to have it ready at least a week before regionals and we have nothing yet!"

I knew it wasn't her I was angry at, but I couldn't stop myself from lashing out.

"Well, whose fault is that, Rachel?"

She stops looking at the notes and looks up at me, angry and teary eyed.

"Again, Quinn? We have talked about this a million times, it's tiring."

I know she's right, I know it, but I can't, I'm angry and it's not her fault but she's right there, and she's pushing me and she seems so affected by it that I keep falling back into old habits and pick up a fight.

"Well, you wouldn't be so tired if you spent less time "rehearsing" with Finn and more time with me trying to write this stupid song you said we'd write."

"What are those air quotes supposed to mean?"

"I think you know what they mean."

"Are you implying that Finn and I are doing anything other than rehearse? Because we have also been over this, you've been at most of the rehearsals, as has the rest of the Glee club!"

"Yeah, you said it, most of them."

And that was it for her. She threw her notes away and got in my face, it took me by surprise because she had never confronted me like that.

"You know what, Quinn? I don't think you are saying what you really mean to say. I think you are doing what you always do, you deflect and take it out on everyone else, and I'm not taking it anymore."

She took a few steps more and, before I knew it, my back was pressed against the wall and I could feel Rachel's breath, warm and sweet, against my face. I was frozen, scared, nervous and so incredibly angry. I wanted to say so many things, so many hurtful things, I opened my mouth, she licked her lips, and I hesitated; she was too close and I panicked.

"Stop! Rachel, stop. Just… you're too close, okay? I can't breathe. I'm going to go home now and work on this stupid song, when I'm done I'll take a photo and send it to you."

I walked away from her, took my stuff and walked through the door, but she grabbed my arm and stopped me, what came after that knocked the air out of my lungs.

"Don't bother, Quinn. If I want this done properly, I'm the only one who can do it. Just go home."

Three weeks later, I saw her on that stage, singing her heart out and my heart broke until the very end when she looked at me right as she was ending the song and I knew, I knew, we would get it right.