Ziva stared in the mirror. Her hair fell in a long shining wave thanks to the care Gibbs had taken the night before. Longer then it had ever been it fell to the swell of her buttocks, it made her feel almost beautiful. Her body was still sore, arms heavy as she worked at braiding her hair Remembering the feel of his mouth on hers she pressed two fingers to her mouth. She could almost taste him and her body could nearly feel him against her. Her emotions were mixed.

Not long away from the darkness and terror of her captors and already she felt the overwhelming need for Gibbs that had always been there. She had not been surprised to wake up and find him gone. It had actually been more of a relief. Facing him after last night would have been harder than crying in his arms. She needed time to find the strength she was known for. She was wearing the second pair of skin hugging undergarments he'd brought her. They didn't show under the regular clothing he'd provided and kept the chafing at bay. From the outside with her regular clothing, makeup and hair in a braid she looked like she always had. Even taking into account the rope marks, bruises and scabbed over knuckles all in all she looked like Ziva...so long as you didn't look too deep in her eyes. Gibbs saw the changes and yet he hadn't treated her any less. It was what was getting her through at this point.

It was nearing seven am and she knew someone would be visiting her soon she just wasn't sure who it would be. She wanted it to be Gibbs. Tony and McGee had done more than they should have to help her and it made a shiver of fear run through her to think of what could have happened to them. Yet she still couldn't find it in in her to be ready to see them.

Shaking her head she reached again into the backpack hoping for something for breakfast and instead found a knife. The weight was perfect in her hand very similar to the one she had carried when she'd been taken. Her eyes misted he'd left this for her, knowing she would need to be armed. She checked the bag for a gun and tried to be surprised when she didn't find one. She was reaching for the phone to call for room service when she heard the knock on the door.

Deja Vous hit her as she opened the door and saw him there much like he had been the night before. Only this time he held coffee and doughnuts and a smile. His smile reluctantly forced her own. His blue eyes met hers and the smile was held there as well. He walked in past her chuckling when the scent of the coffee and pastries made her stomach rumble loudly. She closed the door and locked it.

Gibbs set the coffee and food on the table and then slowly approached Ziva making sure she was aware of his intent he pulled her into his arms and held her gently. She didn't pull away, didn't flinch but instead relaxed into his embrace.

Ziva had known his intention when she'd turned around and saw him watching her. He was so careful to telegraph his every move, to not startle her and yet he'd still surprised her. The feel of him against her was worth the fleeting fear she felt. It had disappeared as quickly as it had appeared. Turning into his arms she let her mouth find his needing the anchor of his kiss. Where she might have expected him to hang back and be unsure of how to react after last night it was apparent what he wanted. His mouth on hers was doing beautiful things to her body. The way his hips pressed against hers, his body clearly announced its intentions. For one damming moment she froze, her mind slipping away from Gibbs back to the desert.

With her hands tangled in his and her body molded against him Gibbs instantly felt the moment her body stilled against his it was brief but he knew it when he felt it and gently pulled back. Still holding her he saw her unwillingness to meet his eyes. "Ziva don't."

"I am sorry."

Biting back his typical retort he forced her chin up making her gaze meet his. "You have no reason to be. You haven't done anything wrong. You need more time then I'm giving you..." Gibbs cleared his throat and pulled fully away from her.

Ziva watched him as he seated himself at the table knowing she shouldn't ask wondering if she'd hate the answer but unable to hold back anyways. "Why now Gibbs?"

Gibbs had expected her question. Looking up at her he tried for a smile and failed, "I almost lost you Ziva. I've suffered loss before and it nearly broke me. This time I almost lost you and you never even knew what I..."

"I knew...or at least I hoped, and I knew how I felt. But now I'm, I'm not her anymore. I feel. broken, empty. When you hold me like last night and just now it's different but that's not living." Her eyes landed on his hand wrapped around his coffee. His knuckles were raw barely scabbed over and they hadn't been the night before. She almost said something but held the words back not ready for the conversation that would result.

"Ziva you've barely been home long enough for it to count. You have to give yourself time. You aren't broken, just in need of time to heal." he watched her sit down and knew his next words were going to anger her. "On that note I'm taking you to a doctor today, you need a proper physical." Her eyes flew to meet his both anger and fear there, it was clear she understood exactly what type of physical he intended she have.

Ziva felt shame flood her mixed in with rage and embarrassment. "Damn you Gibbs." she wanted to hate him wanted to scream at him and yet she knew he was only doing what needed to be done. Tears bit at the backs of her eyes and she had to work to breathe evenly.

"I've been damned before Ziva and I'm sure I will be again and you can hate me all you want but it needs to be done. I know a doctor, one who will be discreet. Just someone I met through a case, nice lady said if I ever needed anything she'd help me out. I called her this morning said she'd see you anytime today." It had been the hardest conversation he'd had in a long time. Though not as difficult as the one he was having now. He'd expected this reaction from her, expected her refusal. He watched her work to push away her pain almost gave in and told her the visit could wait but it couldn't and they both knew it.

Ziva hated that rather than the anger she so counted on all she could do was cry, granted they were silent tears but still they dripped steadily down her face and dropped to the table. "I don't hate you Gibbs. I hate this..me.. so damn weak."

Gibbs made a sound and she stopped short looking at him "You are anything but weak Ziva,. you're still fighting me. That isn't weakness. Get this part of it over with. Go to the doctor, do what she tells you, see the team, meet with the director only if you want to he can't order you to but let me help you. You could do it all alone but why, when I'm here."

Gibbs' words were echoing in her mind as she was redressing after the exam. The doctor wanted to meet with Ziva in her office as soon as she was done. Gibbs was in the waiting room and had said he would wait however long it took yet the thought of facing the doctor alone scared the hell out of Ziva. She stood for a full minute debating between trying to walk into that office alone like she would have done any other day of her life or asking Gibbs to come with her. Weak her mind whispered. She knew that wasn't true though. That was her fear talking, was it really so wrong to want support, even for something so personal? Apparently she'd made her decision even while deep in thought; she stood in the doorway of the waiting room waiting for Gibbs to notice her. It only took a moment and she didn't even have to speak he just took her hand and walked with her into the office.

Gibbs had met Dr. Anna Hunt during a case in which a man was killing Naval medical staff. He'd been part of the protection detail assigned to her family. When he'd taken a bullet meant for her she'd promised she'd owed him a favor. In spite of himself he'd kept in touch and now he was glad he had.

"Gibbs, Ziva and I spoke in detail about her situation before we started with her physical and although I didn't know you were going to be in here I'm assuming that since she brought you in that she is ok with you being present despite the sensitive nature of what I have to talk about."

Ziva nodded at the doctor and Gibbs felt her hand clench in his.

"We'll start with the basics. Ziva is underweight. She'll need to get back onto a proper diet of course but I'd also like to see her add in some extra protein and calcium. I'm prescribing a vitamin supplement but it's not a replacement for good healthy food. Minimize the coffee and no skipping meals. Snack often. Don't try to eat any big meals for a while, being deprived of food or fed the bare minimum for survival causes your body to go into survival mode. Eating large meals will only cause your stomach to react badly.

Despite the urge to get back into training I'm going to ask that you give it a little time. Your healing from multiple rib fractures, both arms were dislocated at least once each, multiple torn ligaments, a sprained ankle, burns, various cuts and multiple bruises. All of which granted are well into the healing stage however when combined with the dehydration, and lack of food you will in fact make yourself more ill if you try.

We did blood work and I ran some urine tests. Despite what you told me I ran a pregnancy test and it came back negative."

Gibbs heard the whoosh of air that Ziva let out and felt her relief the same as his own.

"The rest of the exam showed about what I expected based on what you told me Ziva. Internally you are mostly healed. Mostly but not completely there are still some spots that will take time to fully heal."

Ziva's grip was like iron in his hand and he knew without looking that she was crying, Anna turned her attention to him.

"Ziva will most likely have some scarring. Given time it will smooth out but it can be uncomfortable for quite a while, other times she may not notice at all. Patience Jethro that's all. That holds true for all of this, patience and time. I highly recommend Ziva you find someone to talk to. Right now you'll fight the idea but at some point you should at least try. I've put a rush on all the test results so that you don't have to wait a moment longer than necessary. However I want you resting Ziva. Everyday activities are fine but nothing strenuous. Don't push yourself. No sex for at least a month."

It was Gibbs' turn to feel ashamed, did the doctor think this was why he'd brought Ziva here?

Ziva felt Gibbs flinch and turned towards him, something in his demeanor wasn't readable and it bothered her. "Gibbs I asked."

"Dammit Ziva that isn't what this was about." Gibbs cursed none too quietly again.

Ziva smiled for the first time since walking in the office. "I never for a moment thought it was. I asked because I wanted to know. For later, for eventually because I can't, won't let them have all of me."

For a moment Gibbs caught a glimpse of the Ziva he remembered the stubborn, fierce woman with quick wit and mischievous smile, he was glad to see her again.

"Even if Ziva hadn't asked for some patients I give out the information anyways. Especially if there is a relationship present." Anna almost laughed when both Ziva and Gibbs looked at each startled by the word relationship. "You have my number if you need anything don't hesitate to call and don't worry you were never here."

Gibbs held the door for her and walked her out following her the short distance to the nurses' station. Shoving his hands in his pockets he took a deep breath. "Will she really be okay?"

Anna smiled to herself she knew Gibbs well enough to know this was coming even if Ziva hadn't warned her. "As I said Gibbs it's going to take time. They did a lot of damage. Not just from the beatings, and torture but from the ..rapes." Gibbs paled and she saw him visibly take a deep breath. Touching his arm she realized he was far better at hiding his own pain than she'd realized. "Do you want to sit?"

"No, but I wish I could kill a man more than once." Gibbs felt his stomach churn, his head spun for a moment and he pressed his hands to his temples almost felt the need to put his head between his knees.

"She'll heal Gibbs and from what I've seen your helping her there faster than anyone else could. Whatever is between you is helping her. Just make sure that you have someone to talk to as well. The partner of a rape victim is just as affected and don't pretend you don't know that."

Gibbs nodded, for all his bravado he was smart enough to know good advice when it was given. "Thanks doc, for everything. You need anything you let me know." He turned back to the doctor's office knowing Ziva was waiting, wondering how she would handle his next suggestion.