Jackson woke to the sound of screaming, loud terror filled screaming. Despite the fact he'd been warned he found himself in the doorway of Jethro's room even as that screaming dulled to a low mewing sound. The sound much quieter and far more subdued was no less agonizing. Peering through the doorway he saw Ziva fists clenched, fighting against Gibbs as he held her close stroking her arms and speaking softly against her hair. The pain etched on Ziva's face tore at him and he knew Gibbs had to feel it even more. Wishing he could help but knowing his presence would only disturb Ziva further, he slipped away into the kitchen to brew a pot of coffee should there be a need.
Gibbs felt the blows Ziva inflicted on him but they were nothing compared to the pain inflicted on his heart. Her screams had torn him from sleep and even as he'd tried to comfort her she'd tried to fight him. It hadn't been till he'd spoken that she had finally started to settle. Dark eyes steeped in pain, confusion still lingering in their depths found his. "Jethro….?"
He stroked her hair trying desperately to ease the fear in her eyes, the outright agony. "Yes Ziva, I'm here. It's me. You're safe."
Ziva managed to focus on his silver hair and his blue eyes, just long enough to push away the nightmare. He was real his heart pounding beneath against her chest she recognized his scent. "I am so tired…"
"Sleep Ziva, just sleep, you're safe with me." he held her for a long time, waiting till her breathing evened and the heavy weight of deep sleep took her. He pulled himself from the fighting away the anger that was driving at him. The moment he stepped into the kitchen he smelled coffee and knew his father would be waiting for him. Running his hand through his hair he saw Jackson waiting for him at the table a cup of coffee by his seat.
"Sorry Dad, I probably shouldn't have brought her here. It will most likely be like this for a while." Gibbs wanted to run his fist through a wall. He wished for something to take his rage out on. Instead he held his coffee cup a bit too tight and tried to breathe.
"If she can survive it I can lose some sleep." Jackson watched his son fight his anger and wished he could offer him some comfort. "Is she going to be okay son, physically?" he felt guilty asking, even more so when Gibbs suddenly looked ill. From the time it took him to answer he thought perhaps his son wasn't going to.
"Eventually." Gibbs felt a bit like he was betraying her trust but needing to talk to someone anyone he could trust. "They did a lot of damage. I made her see a doctor."
Jackson nodded. "I can't imagine that was easy."
"No, but it needed to be done. She needs to rest which isn't in her nature. She'll want to train, fight and I understand that but she can't. She needs to eat. Feeding her wasn't high on their list…" He couldn't go into the rest, knew his father wouldn't expect him to. Pressing a hand to his stomach it was work to fight the nausea, the reminder of what she'd had to endure.
"And you, how are you doing?" Jackson heard his son laugh bitterly, watched him stare out at the fingers of dawn just creeping through the sky.
"Oh I've got it all together can't you tell." sighing he slid the cup away and laid his head on the table, feeling a bone deep fatigue he knew was nothing compared to Ziva's.
Jackson let his hand touch Jethro's shoulder, waited for him to shrug it off, more than surprised when he didn't. "You'll get through this son, both of you."
Gibbs sat up managing half a smile. "I didn't have the right to bring her here Dad. Haven't exactly treated it like home in a long time."
Jackson smiled taking Gibbs cup and rinsing it along with his own. "The thing about home Jethro is it's there whether you claim it or not. If bringing her here helps even a little then it was exactly the right thing." Staring at Jethro's he pointed toward the bedroom. "Go back to bed son, get some rest. It's still early and you look like hell."
Gibbs laughed and stood up from the table. "Yeah, I think I will." he headed down the hall, turning back as he reached his doorway "thanks dad."
Ziva stumbled out of bed into the kitchen. She'd been surprised to find Gibbs still asleep beside her but a glance at her watch told her it was still relatively early and the stress had to be wearing on him too. Glancing wistfully at the coffee pot but knowing she couldn't stomach it she poured herself a glass of milk instead. Her first morning in Jackson's home was quiet. The morning air as she stepped out the slider was crisp and cool with the clean scent that was only found in the country. Her bare feet hit the grass and she shivered as they touched the dew dampened blades. She glanced around and saw Jackson coming out of the garden shed.
"Morning Ziva." He moved up next to her grateful to see the smile in her eyes. It was a stark contrast to the agony that been etched on her face only hours earlier.
"Good morning Jackson." She glanced around and then back to him. "It is beautiful here, I am again glad that you made the offer for me to stay here. It is very different from the desert."
Jackson was surprised that she had brought up the subject, so he nodded. "I would imagine so."
"I like that it is just a little bit cold this morning. The desert can be cold but it never smells like this. Here it smells clean, like grass." Her words sounded dumb when she said them out loud but the man next to her just grinned.
"One of the best smells in the world if you ask me." She leaned up against the side of the house looking into her glass. "I am sure you have questions. Yet you have not asked."
Jackson looked over to find her eyes meeting his squarely. He could see how she could be as good at interrogations as Jethro claimed her to be. Her eyes even full of pain and sadness held an intensity that demanded an answer. "Of course I have questions but just because I have them doesn't mean I'm going to ask. You're entitled to your privacy Ziva."
Ziva laughed softly. "Pretty much everyone on the team and a lot at NCIS have to know more than I'd like or at least assume much of what is the truth. Not much privacy when you're dragged back from hell." As she looked at him she saw echoes of the way Gibbs looked at her. It never failed to make her feel stronger when she didn't see pity.
"He cares about you Ziva. He isn't helping you because he feels obligated or because you're on his team." She looked down at her drink again and then out at the backyard.
"Was…I was on his team and I left. I care about him too Jackson. I am not just using him to help me get past this. If I am to be completely honest I think I fell for him a long time ago, it is part of why I left. When you cannot have what you want sometimes it is easier to be away from it." He was shocked at her admission raised his eyebrow much like Gibbs did when he was particularly surprised.
Jackson was floored by her honesty knew she could easily see his surprise. "Can't see you being the kind of woman to let much stand in your way Ziva." It was her turn to be surprised. "Not blind saw the way you looked at him the last time you were here."
Ziva blushed, taking a sip of her milk to cover. "Did not know I was so obvious."
Jackson laughed and shook his head. "You weren't, but I'm his father even if I wasn't in his life for a long time. There is a way a woman looks at a man she truly cares for when that's directed at your son you pay attention. You're not alone you know, he wouldn't have brought you here if you didn't mean something to him."
Ziva might have denied it before the past couple of days but Gibbs hadn't bothered to hide that he did indeed care. They had spoken of opportunities lost. "I am very lucky. We danced around this, whatever it is for a very long time. Following the rules his and NCIS'. You raised a good man Jackson, he risked a great deal to come for me and I gave him no real reason to do so."
"We all make mistakes Ziva, we learn from them and move on. Jethro is no stranger to that and thanks I think he's a pretty good man too. Although, I'm not sure I can take most of the credit. The Marines and his life with Shannon probably had more to do with it."
"That may be partly true but Fathers have a lot to do with who we become and there is a lot of you in Jethro. More than I think either of you probably see. Why do you think he brought me here, above all else he knew this place, his home was safe. If he didn't feel that way he would never have done so." She watched the reality of her words hit him, saw the emotion gather in his eyes and stared back down at her milk. "I am glad he has this place, you back in his life. I would not want to but I cannot ever go home again and that is difficult to know."
Jackson had to stay silent a moment longer clearing his throat discreetly. "Well you're always welcome here Ziva, no matter what." She looked up at him those dark eyes truly smiling and it was easy to look past the scars and bruises and see what his son must see.
"Thank you." Ziva pushed away from the house. "I am going to grab a shower and see about waking up your son. I am certain he is tired from staying up with me when I…had a nightmare last night." He already knew she could see that from the way he couldn't quite meet her eyes. "I am sorry if I woke you."
Jackson shook his head. "I'm fine Ziva, Do you eat waffles?" he saw her almost return to the subject but then she moved past it.
"I do in fact they are one of my favorites. If you give me a few minutes I will help you." She finished the last of her milk and twirled the glass in her hands.
"Nope, you get your shower, but you can make lunch today if you like." Jackson knew what it was like for people to forget that it was important to feel useful regardless of age or injury.
"I would and later I am going to ask Gibbs to take me into town. There are some things I need so if you have a list I would be happy to get anything you need as well." She stepped into the house as she spoke and nearly ran into a very much awake and freshly showered Gibbs. The coffee in his hand told her he'd been within hearing distance for at least a few minutes.
"Good morning Ziva." He'd been standing in the kitchen long enough that he'd heard a good part of her conversation with his father. She must have suspected as much from the color that slowly rose on her cheeks.
"Good morning. I was going to take a shower and after breakfast I was hoping maybe you would take me into town." She pushed at the hair falling in her eyes.
He nodded then broached a subject he knew she might not be ready for. "Tony called."
Ziva bit her lip feeling her stomach churn, wondering why she was so afraid to see them all. "I am surprised he did not call before now. I do not have a phone any longer but…" she watched him glance down at his coffee and then back up at her. "Ah, they have called before but you have been playing..referee, yes?"
He smiled. "You could say that, just giving you time Ziva."
Jackson interrupted standing at the sink cracking eggs into a bowl. "When you're ready Ziva you are welcome to invite them here." He saw her smile and for just a moment it was like the first time he'd seen it.
Biting her lip Ziva looked up at Gibbs. "What day is it? I cannot seem to remember."
"It's Wednesday Ziva." Silently he cursed himself; she had barely any clothes, no watch, no phone nothing.
Ziva saw the frustration in his eyes knew it was directed at himself, not her and also what had caused it. Before she could stop him he was apologizing.
"I'm sorry Ziva, I didn't think about all the stuff you might need." He pushed a hand through his hair; the list of what she didn't have was damn long.
Despite his father standing only steps away Ziva let her hand find his. "You brought me back, saved my life whatever things I do not have are nothing compared to that."
Gibbs nodded but he knew it had to be difficult for her. "Vance is working on getting an ID packet together for you. It may take a little time though."
Ziva found her breath catch in her throat. "That will be helpful, I have some things stored in DC but cannot access them without being able to prove who I am. Will he be contacting Israel?"
"He will have to inform them you are alive but more than that no." he watched an icy coolness slip over her.
"Do not allow Vance to let this affect his diplomatic relationship with Eli." She heard him curse and squeezed tighter on his hand. "It is a fact that there must continue to be a working relationship between the two. However I would ….I do not wish for Eli to know where I am."
"I won't be telling him." He saw that his father was halfway through finishing breakfast "Grab your shower, we'll eat and then go into town." He watched her walk down the hallway until she was out of sight and only then did he let out the breath he'd been holding.
He felt his father's eyes on him and shook his head "What is really screwed up about all of this is she blames herself. She made some mistakes, big ones but she sure as hell didn't deserve this. She has nothing, we saved her and that matters but now what?"
Jackson laughed softly watched as his son looked at him like he was crazy. "She's alive son. She has Tony, McGee, Abby all of them but more than that she has you. Even if the two of you weren't…" he waived his hand in the air looking for a word that wouldn't embarrass his son. Jethro's raised eyebrow had him giving up and pushing forward. "You will help her get back on her feet because that's who you are. She'll find her way."
"I thought she was dead." He glanced toward the hallway again. "I thought she was really gone, and then all of a sudden she was alive and I realized…"
"Second chances are a rare thing son, if she's yours don't let anything stand in your way." He knew exactly the words his son couldn't say out loud had heard Ziva holding back the very same ones just a short while ago. "Funny thing she pointed out how she left NCIS, went back to Israel I guess that means she doesn't work for you anymore." Jackson left his son to ponder his words stepping to the pantry to hunt for syrup.
Feeling his father's words sink into him he stared at the hallway. He hadn't realized the significance of that not so simple fact until just now. He felt a smile force its way onto his face. Glancing at his coffee he even let himself laugh a little.