Gilderoy Lockhart knocked on Hermione's cottage door. She answered it in her favorite outfit: a t-shirt and jeans.
"Hello, Hermione," Gilderoy said in his chipper host voice that he almost never turned off. He was also already wearing a white suit. "It's time to write date cards!"
"Right," said Hermione nervously. "Do they have to have cheesy sayings on them?"
"Yes," said Gilderoy. "These have been provided for you. Just place them in the mailbox when you're ready, and I'll let you know when it's time to go!" He handed her the cards and instructions. She sat down at her desk, turned on her reading lamp, and began studying the materials.
The guys all woke up after their first night at the mansion. Some were hungover. Others took the initiative to start making breakfast from all of the groceries the show provided.
Seamus cracked an egg onto the skillet. "Woah, there, fire hazard!" his roommate Dean teased. Dean found the bacon in the fridge and claimed the second burner.
Draco and Blaise followed their noses downstairs. "What's this?" Draco scoffed. "They don't have chefs in this bloody place?"
"We're the cooks, mate," Seamus said. "Any requests?"
"Can you make a French Omelette?" Draco asked.
"No," said Seamus. "Can you?"
"I shouldn't have to!" Draco whined. "Doesn't the MBBC make enough money to hire a chef?"
"Shut up, Malfoy," said Harry, sipping his morning coffee. "We all know you're rich. You don't need to remind us every time you open your mouth."
"Eggs in a basket," Seamus said, placing a plate of toast and eggs on the table. Harry and Ron dug in. Draco and Blaise scoffed, took two pieces each, and left.
"You really reckon Hermione would be into someone like that?" Ron asked. "She's muggle-born, for Merlin's sake. She didn't even grow up with magic."
"Just because she's muggle born doesn't mean they didn't have money," Harry said with a full mouth.
"Her parents were dentists," said Ron. "Not sure how much muggle dentists make."
"I'd bet it's enough," said Oliver. "Though she doesn't seem like the 'private chef' type either."
"No, she was very down-to-earth. Very easy to talk to," said Seamus.
"Does Malfoy even know she's muggle born?" asked an unfamiliar voice. The boys turned to see Tom Riddle. Harry put his hand to his scar and rubbed it.
"I'd...I'd suppose he does. Why, do you think that'd matter?" Ron asked.
"Don't you know?" Tom asked. His voice had very little inflection, but it had a way of drawing in the listener all the same. "The Malfoys fought beside He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. They were Death Eaters."
Seamus gulped.
"Bloody hell," whispered Ron. "Do you think...?"
"I mean, Slytherin University was a breeding ground for Death Eaters, was it not? So I can't say I'm too surprised," said Dean.
"You think they still feel that way, then?" Harry asked.
"Hard to say," said Tom. "I mean, nobody's really going to introduce themselves as a Neo-Death Eater, are they? It's taboo." He took a piece of bacon. "But if he is, he'll show his true colors soon enough, I'm sure."
"Well, thanks, Tom," said Harry. "It's been...nice talking to you...excuse me, my scar again...I've never had my scar hurt as much as it has these past two days! I'm going to run out of painkiller potions..." He left the table muttering.
"DATE CARD!" Lee Jordan announced from the other room. "Gentlemen, we have a date card!"
The phrase "date card?!" rippled through the house like a summoning charm. All of the men came to the living room dressed for the cameras. Lee opened the card. "Severus," he read. He paused. "Age is just a number. Hermione."
Silence as all the guys turned to look at Severus Snape, who smiled slightly.
"Bloody hell," said Ron back in his and Harry's bedroom. "What is going on?"
"She probably wants to see off the bat if it could work," said Harry. "There are roses on these dates, right? I bet you anything he goes home tonight."
"If he doesn't," said Ron, "I just won't know anymore."
"Did you see the look on Malfoy's face, though?" asked Harry with a chuckle. "Classic."
"Oh yeah, Malfoy," said Ron with a sneer. "At least the first date didn't go to that arsehole. Say, is your head alright?"
"Still has a slight ache," Harry said. "I'm thinking of going to see the apothecary."
"Best get that taken care of before the group date," said Ron. "I bet you anything the group date is tomorrow."
Harry laid down on his bed and closed his eyes. "Wake me up tomorrow, then," he said with a yawn.
The pegasus-drawn carriage picked up Severus. Some of the men of the house politely saw him off, but as he hadn't really made any friends, he didn't have much to say.
CORMAC CAM: "Dude...that guy is going on a date with one of the hottest girls alive, and he decides to wear a black robe. I feel sorry for Hermione. She's going to come crawling back to me, I'm sure!"
MARCUS CAM: "I started a pool on who's going to still be here next week. Everyone has that guy going home tonight. All but one moron..."
COLIN CAM: "I'm going to be rich!"
"Sending me home already, Hermione?" Severus asked playfully.
Hermione ushered him into the carriage. "Of course not!" she gasped. "We just need to do a bit of traveling is all. Finally I'm going to get to fly in this thing!"
"Did you not get here in one?" he asked.
"No! I came by FLOO!" She said the last word straight into the camera with disdain. "Anyways, I actually had you in mind for this date since before I even received the date cards. We're going hot cauldron bathing."
"Oh?" Severus asked.
"You did bring your swim trunks, yes?"
"Yes, as instructed," said Severus. "I'm just surprised you'd pick me for such an intimate date. If you're expecting I have some hidden six pack under these robes, you're going to be disappointed."
Well, there will be plenty of time for six packs on tomorrow's date, she thought, but she smiled sweetly at Severus and said, "I find you plenty attractive, Severus."
A hint of pink appeared on his face.
Their destination was not far, it seemed. They landed in a beautiful landscape full of exotic plants. Gigantic, steamy cauldrons sat around, some with other couples and groups of friends. A short, dark-skinned witch with curly black hair greeted them.
"Hello, hello, and welcome to the Cauldron Springs!" she exclaimed. "My name is Hattie Boggs, and I will be your guide today. I know you must be Hermione, and this handsome gentlemen is?"
"Severus," he said, extending a hand. Hermione frowned slightly at Hattie's flirt with Severus, but she shrugged it off.
"Severus, welcome," Hattie said. "Well, let me show you around and explain what we do here. These are not like your ordinary hot tubs. Here at Cauldron Springs, we brew baths that are specific to your desires. We have baths that can heal aches, baths that can rejuvenate skin, erase wrinkles, acne, you name it. And there are of course the recreational baths. You can bath in liquid of whatever thickness you like, we can make it bubble, we can make steady waves in your bath, we can make it smell like whatever you would like it to smell, we can adjust the temperature to your exact liking. Our motto here is 'Magical Relaxation.'"
"Oh, now I see why you chose me, Hermione," said Severus.
"Yeah! We're going to make potions!" she squealed with delight.
"I was going to say, you thought I already needed a rest from living with all those young men, but yours works too."
"Oh, stop," she said, then giggled.
"So, today you are going to brew baths for each other. Severus, if you will come with me, and Hermione, if you will go with my employee Randy, you'll see what kind of ingredients we have and learn a bit about what they can do, and then, you'll get to test each others' creations," explained Hattie.
Meanwhile, back at the house, Draco and his new bros Blaise and Marcus were enjoying the pool.
"I bet he's boring her with a whole bunch of stories that start with, 'Back in my day,'" Marcus said, mimicking an old man. Draco and Blaise laughed.
As if he'd apparated silently, Tom Riddle said, "You know, back in his day, the Dark Lord was still alive." He was dangling his feet in the water, but he was fully dressed.
The three Slytherins looked at him and then at each other uncomfortably. "Why, yes, I suppose that would be true," said Blaise.
"All in the past now, though," said Marcus. "Not sure what that has to do with anything."
"You work at Azkaban, don't you?" Tom asked.
"Yes," said Marcus.
"You must know them, then," said Tom. "The unrepentant Death Eaters, I mean."
"Oh, yeah," said Marcus. "Those are some scary M-effers. Especially that witch, Bellatrix Lestrange. Woman tried to scratch my bloody eyes out one day."
"And what of the repentant ones?" Tom asked, this time looking directly at Draco. "How are Mummy and Daddy, Draco?"
"Hey, what's your game?" Draco sneered, lunging towards Tom. Blaise and Marcus held him back. "What are you playing at, bringing up He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named?"
"I was just wondering how Mummy and Daddy felt about you courting a muggle-born witch, is all," said Tom.
"That's none of your bloody business, Tom," said Draco.
"They do know, then?" Tom pressed. Draco didn't respond. "Ah, I see. Fascinating. You really are different, Draco Malfoy?"
"Yeah," said Draco. "I really am different. And if you ever make a crack about me or my family again, I will end you."
Tom smiled. "I'd like to see you try." He left.
"What the bloody hell was that?" Marcus asked.
"He's trying to stir up trouble to make himself look good," said Draco. "Us Slytherins are easy targets with Hermione being muggle born. But he picked the wrong blokes to mess with."
"I never understood the hatred against muggle borns. Most natural wizards there are. Half-bloods, though," said Blaise, "that's a different thing entirely."
"How's that, now?" asked Marcus.
"You can't control who your parents are," said Blaise, "but you can control who you mate with, amiright?"
Marcus's eyes bulged out. "Dude! That's...that's not cool, man!"
"Oh, come on, I don't mean anything by it," said Blaise. "It is what it is. Mixed bloods are more likely to produce squibs, after all. It's genetics. You feel me, right, Draco?"
"I mean," said Draco, "I know that's true, but..."
"Facts are facts," Blaise repeated.
"Facts indeed," said Marcus with disdain. He got out of the water.
"Oh, dude, come on! You're snowflaking out?" Blaise shouted.
"You sound a little too much like Lestrange right now for my comfort," said Marcus.
"Ahhh, go play with the Hufflepuffs, then," said Blaise. He held out his bottle of beer to Draco. "To Slytherin!"
Draco clinked bottles with him. "To Slytherin," he said awkwardly.
Hermione finished her potion: a sandalwood scent with a gentle wave in a warm temperature. It was admittedly a safe choice. She didn't feel she knew Severus well enough to go too far out of the box.
She changed into her red bikini, and she suddenly felt self-conscious. Maybe Severus was too old for her. Was it weird for a forty-year-old man to see her like this? That she might want him to? She stepped out of her dressing room, and a crew of forty-year-old men behind cameras gave her the thumbs up. She laughed awkwardly.
She followed Randy with her potion to the side-by-side cauldrons set aside for her and Severus. She saw Severus and blushed. He wasn't muscular, but he was obviously healthy. Some older men put on weight in their gut, but not Severus.
"I don't deserve you," Severus said.
"I'll be the judge of that," Hermione said. "Shall we?"
They ascended the steps up into their respective cauldrons. The sweet scent of flowers assaulted Hermione as she went. It smelled like he'd mixed multiple types, and she wrinkled her nose. For as much as The Bachelorette pushed the flowers, Hermione was really not a fan of floral scents. She made her way to the top of the steps and saw the cauldron was almost overflowing with bubbles. Cho would have died for this. Hermione looked longingly at the waves in the brew she'd made. She smiled at Severus, who was already in her cauldron. "It's a little colder than I'd like," he admitted.
"I'm sorry," said Hermione, swinging her leg over and into the cauldron. "I know not everyone likes things piping HAH-AH-AHHHT!" Her toe had grazed the water, which felt to her only a touch below boiling.
"I'm sorry," said Severus.
"We weren't really making cauldrons for each other, were we?" Hermione said.
"Would you like to trade?" he asked.
"Please," said Hermione. They laughed as they switched and settled into their own perfect baths. "So, bubbles and flowers, huh?" she asked.
"Nothing relaxes me more," said Severus.
Music started to play. Hermione's ears perked up. "They didn't...!" she gasped.
"Didn't what?" Severus asked. He cocked his head. "Oh, this is one of my favorite bands."
"Mine too," Hermione said in surprise.
"Over here, lovebirds," said a man. They turned around, and alt-J was playing a live private concert for them.
"You love alt-J?!" she asked.
"You love alt-J?!" he echoed.
"Heck yeah! My weird friend Luna turned me on to all this indie stuff, now I can't get enough of it!" said Hermione.
"I love the complexity," said Severus. "And how I don't know what the hell they're talking about. It's humbling."
"See, I'm the crazy one who actually tries to decipher the lyrics into something meaningful," said Hermione.
"Oh, no, just let the music happen," said Severus. He leaned his head back, and bubbles enveloped his head. His hand brushed Hermione's, and she took it.
"Poor guys," said Hermione. "Their memory is going to be erased."
"Oh, yeah," said Severus. "That's a little obnoxious."
"I mean, I wouldn't advise against it, of course," said Severus.
"Of course," said Hermione. "But the MBBC might be abusing that power a bit."
"Oh well," said Severus. "Private alt-J concert."
"Can't beat that, I suppose," said Hermione.
After the concert, they were treated to dinner under a pagoda tucked away in the exotic forests of Cauldron Springs, where they continued talking about music and their home lives. They found they had a lot in common. Both of them were passionate about their careers and had seldom found time for themselves. Both enjoyed reading and learning new things. She also worked it out of him that he likes cats.
She picked up the rose on the table.
"Severus," she began, "I have had the best day today. I couldn't have asked for a better first date, and I hope to have more with you. Will you accept this rose?"
"I would be honored," he said. He leaned in for a kiss.
Cue fireworks and cheesy music.
The Gryffindors were having a wizard chess tournament in the living room when Severus returned from his date, proudly displaying his rose on his signature black robe.
Colin gasped. "I'M RICH! MARCUS! I WIN THE POOL!" He took off upstairs, celebrating.
"Oh, bollocks," said Harry.
Severus approached him and smacked him on the head with a date card. "Problem, Potter?" Severus asked, dropping it into his lap.
Harry opened the envelope and glanced at its contents. "It's the group date! Hey, get everybody down here!"
All but Severus gathered. Harry read: "Harry." He smiled at seeing his name in Hermione's handwriting. "Neville, Draco, Cormac, Viktor, Oliver, Marcus, Dudley, Colin, Seamus, Lee, Tom, Zach, Dean, Ernie, Justin, Blaise. Well, blimey, she might as well of just said, 'everybody.'"
"Not everybody," Ron piped up weakly.
Harry scanned the names. "Yeah, you're not on here. Is that a mistake?"
"Is there a second one-on-one?" Dean asked.
"Could be," said Ron. "Or could be she doesn't have enough spots on the date. She left me out."
Draco laughed.
"Don't laugh at him," said Neville. "Maybe she liked him so much first night, she figures she doesn't need to see him again."
"Well that doesn't make any sense," said Draco. "If she really likes someone, she wants to spend more time with them. Nice knowing ya, Weasley."
There was a tapping on the window. An owl was sitting on the ledge holding an envelope. Justin got up and tentatively opened the window, then accepted the owl. "It's another date card."
Gasps and murmurs from the crowd. Justin opened it and read, "Ron. Let's work on our animal magnetism. Hermione."
"WOOOOAAAAAHHHH!" the men exclaimed, clapping Ron on the back. Ron's face was the same color as his hair.
"Hold on," said Ernie. "What's ours say?"
Harry turned over the group date card. "It says, 'Love isn't always magical. Hermione.'"
Ron cracked up. "Oh, sounds like she's got high hopes for you guys! I get animal magnetism, and you get...not magic."
"Got a problem with non-magic, punk?" Dudley quipped.
Ron laughed. "Sorry, mate, you know what I mean."
"No, I'm not sure that I do," said Dudley.
"I said sorry, geez," said Ron.
"Boys, boys, let's act our age," Oliver scolded.
"What do you suppose that means though? 'Love isn't always magical'?" Zach asked.
"Maybe it'll be a muggle date," said Cormac. "That's all the rage now. Wizards going out and doing as muggles do."
"Oh, that could be fun!" exclaimed Colin.
"That's cultural appropriation," said Dudley.
"Dude, what is your deal?" asked Blaise.
"Well, I'm a muggle, so...," said Dudley.
"You're joking, right?" Blaise asked.
"No, I'm not. I'm a bonafide muggle. Look, no wand," Dudley said, holding up his hands playfully.
The men departed for the night to prepare for tomorrow's group date. The cameramen made a point to keep fixated on Blaise as he processed the fact that a muggle was in their midst.
Cue dramatic music.
"Hello, boys!" Hermione greeted.
They had taken portkeys to a beach. Hermione was wearing a black bikini today because it would be a terrible scandal for MBBCs star to be seen wearing the same thing two days straight.
The men were all in their swim trunks. Hermione took in a breath at seeing all the six packs that were assembled before her.
"Hiiiiii, Hermione," they said in a chorus.
"So, we're here on a remote private island in the Caribbean," said Hermione, "and we're going to play some volleyball!"
Dudley said, "Alllllright!" but the rest of the men just looked confused. Gilderoy's laugh could be heard, and the always-white-suited man came out from a grove of palm trees wearing sunglasses, a floppy straw hat, flip-flops, and drinking out of a coconut.
"Gentlemen, you remember the date card?" he asked.
"Yeah," they grumbled.
As if completely ignoring their response, Gilderoy said, "It said 'Love isn't always magical.' Volleyball is a traditional muggle game played on the beach. Since we are going to be playing a muggle game, there will be no magic allowed on this date. You'll have to rely simply on your raw athleticism to win Hermione's heart. You'll be competing in teams of fours (and one team of 5) in a tournament style. The last team standing will win some extra time with Hermione." Hermione waved. "I'll let Hermione explain the rules of the game."
Hermione demonstrated how the game worked. Simple enough, most of the men thought. Much simpler than Quidditch, which most of them were accustomed to. The men divided into teams, and Gilderoy assigned them to their nets. Different crew members refereed while Hermione observed at her leisure.
Chaos ensued. The men who were athletic took to it pretty easily. Standouts included, of course, Viktor Krum, who basically single-handedly crushed the team of Harry, Neville, Dean, and Seamus.
"Bloody hell," Harry said. "I thought for sure Neville's height would give us more of an advantage."
"I'm a botanist, though," Neville lamented.
"Hey, no use sulking. Look, Hermione's sitting alone," said Dean.
"I like the way you think!" Seamus exclaimed. The Gryffindor boys sat on either side of Hermione while Viktor, Draco, Blaise and Tom reminisced together about the highlights of the game.
"It was a good game," Hermione complimented them. "Those four are ruthless."
"Don't be nice, Hermione," said Dean. "Viktor did all the work while the rest watched. Smart move getting him on their team."
"Say, why isn't Marcus with them? I thought Marcus was one of the Slytherin boys," Seamus asked.
"Oh, yeah, that's weird," said Harry. Marcus had teamed with Dudley, Colin, and Cormac. Their game against the five-man squad of Oliver, Ernie, Zach, Lee, and Justin was still raging.
"TAKE THAT, WIZARDS! MUGGLE PRIDE!" Dudley screamed as he smacked the ball mercilessly over the net.
"Game!" the referee called. Dudley's team hollered and high-fived.
"We had a numbers advantage!" Lee lamented. "What is wrong with you guys?!"
Ernie shrugged. "We're Hufflepuffs, man. Sorry."
"Sure did have fun, though!" Zach said.
"Yeah!" Justin agreed. "Good game, guys!" They wrapped arms around each other, while Oliver and Lee shook their heads and kicked up sand in frustration.
"The final match, for the extra time with Hermione!" Gilderoy announced from the lifeguard stand. "Team 2: Viktor, Draco, Blaise, and Tom, versus, Team 3: Marcus, Dudley, Colin, and Cormac. Begin!"
VIKTOR CAM: "Nothing will stand between me and Hermione! Even if it means I have to take these wankers with me."
DUDLEY CAM: "This Viktor guy may be hot stuff in the wizard world, but this is a muggle's game, and a muggle's gonna win it."
BLAISE CAM: "The way I see it, beating this muggle will be a kindness. He can't actually think he has a chance with Hermione. It would be criminal of the MBBC to allow her to fall for such scum."
MARCUS CAM: "Blaise is a ticking time bomb. I can't wait for Hermione to see his true colors. I don't like that Tom guy either. He's up to something, for sure."
TOM CAM: "This is excellent. I just have to sit back and let everyone self-destruct around me. This is the best plan I've ever had."
CORMAC CAM: "I may not win today, but I'm definitely the best looking." He winked for the camera. "Hey girl. It's Cormac time."
True to his word, Viktor held nothing back. However, he was starting to run out of steam. Draco, Blaise, and Tom were horribly inadequate in the sand. Dudley, Marcus, and Cormac, however, were all pretty strong competitors.
The score was 20 to 17 in favor of Dudley's team. Blaise seethed. While everyone was retrieving a ball that had flown out of bounds, he slipped his wand out of his trunks and flicked it at Dudley.
"AHHHH!" Dudley cried, collapsing to the ground. "Mother effer!"
"Dudley!" Hermione exclaimed, rushing to his side. His teammates gathered around him sympathetically. "Dudley, what happened?"
"I dunno. I had a spasm in my leg, and my ankle just, ahhh, bloody hell, I don't think I can walk on it," said Dudley.
"Oh, no," said Hermione. "Medic!"
The medical team rushed to the scene and carried Dudley away.
"Well, I guess we'll just have to finish the game without him," Blaise said with a chuckle.
"Yeah," said Hermione. "Excuse me, boys. I'll see you all later." She followed the medics with Dudley. The spectators clapped.
"Well, that didn't go according to plan, did it?" Tom whispered in Blaise's ear.
When Hermione and Dudley returned, the sunset beach picnic was set up. Everyone raised their coconuts and pineapples to welcome them back.
"The muggle prince returns!" Colin exclaimed. Everyone applauded.
"Yes, hello," said Hermione. There was something off in her voice.
"What's wrong?" Harry asked, picking up on it. "Is everything okay? Is Dudley...?"
"Yes, Dudley is fine," said Hermione happily. "However, the medic believes that his injury was magically induced." Shocks and murmurs. "Seems somebody wasn't playing by the rules." She looked at the Slytherins. She wasn't meaning to, but she wasn't alone either. Dudley had been playing against three Slytherins, who besides being known as bad sportsmen, were also known to be racist. She wanted to keep an open mind, of course, but she had her suspicions. "Please know that whoever you are, I am not at all happy with you. If you think hurting other people is the way to my heart, you are sorely mistaken."
A call of "here, here," came from the Gryffindors.
"Hermione?" came the soft, deep voice of Marcus Flint.
"Yes?" she asked.
"Can I steal you for a moment?" he asked.
"Certainly," said Hermione.
"Whoo, Marcus," some of the men jeered. He took her arm and they walked along the beach. The cameramen made a point to cut to Blaise's face as he watched Marcus and Hermione walk away from the group.
Cue dramatic music.
"Hermione, I want to start by saying, I never intended to be 'that guy' on this show," Marcus began.
"That guy?" she asked. "What do you mean?"
"You know, the guy who talks about other guys. I wouldn't be doing this if I didn't think it was very important for you to know," he said. "Look, I work at Azkaban. I deal with Death Eaters on a daily basis."
"Death Eaters?" Hermione asked, her stomach dropping. "Goodness, where are you going with this?"
"I'm not saying he's a Death Eater," said Marcus, "and I'm not saying he's the one who hurt Dudley, but Blaise did say some f****** up things yesterday."
"Blaise?" she clarified. She felt sick. She had been very attracted to Blaise.
"Yesterday I was in the pool with him, Draco, and Tom," said Marcus. He paused. Did he want to get into the weirdness around Tom? What about Draco's parents? He decided to leave it out, for now. "And we got on the topic of you being muggle-born, and Blaise said something to the effect of blood mixing being wrong."
"WHAT?!" Hermione cried, seething.
"I mean, he didn't say that exactly," said Marcus. "He said you can't control who you're born to, but you can control who you mate with."
"Ugh, that's disgusting!" Hermione said. "Thank you, so much, Marcus, for letting me know. I do agree that is very important for me to know, and you are very brave for telling me." She took his hand. "I hate to cut our time short, but..."
"Oh, I understand," said Marcus. "Do what you need to do."
"Thanks," she said, planting a kiss on his cheek.
She walked back to the beach party. Draco approached her, "Hermione, may I steal you?"
She ignored him. "Blaise," she said. She beckoned him with her finger. "May I talk to you, please?"
The oblivious among them whooped and hollered, but the Slytherin's faces all drained. "Uh, yeah," said Blaise, trying to act cool as usual. He glared at Marcus as he passed.
Marcus stood next to Draco. "Blaise is done," he said.
A smile spread across Draco's face. "Wow, Flint. You've got balls. We better keep an eye on them. He's bound to go off. I don't want to see Hermione getting hurt."
"Hermione getting hurt?" Harry asked. "Sorry, I don't mean to eavesdrop, but, what's going on? Is Blaise the one who cast the charm?"
"Probably," Draco admitted. They told Harry about Blaise's words yesterday. The news spread, and all eyes were glued to the couple in the distance. Hermione and Blaise looked anything but happy.
"Oh, so he don't think I'm worthy of Hermione, is that it?" Dudley asked, cracking his knuckles. "I'll show him."
"Dude, no," said Viktor. "He's a powerful wizard."
"And I'm a powerful muggle," said Dudley. "I bet my family is richer than his too, bloody wanker."
"He's on the move!" a cameraman called. "Go go go!"
Blaise was storming back to the beach. Hermione was crying to Gilderoy. "MARCUS!" Blaise shouted.
"Restrain him!" a security guard shouted. "Expelliarmus!"
Blaise's wand flew out of his hand, but that only made him angrier. He came at Marcus swinging.
"Clear the area!" the security guard shouted. "We've got him! PETRIFICUS-HEY, MAN, GET OUT OF THE WAY!"
Everyone obeyed the crew except for Dudley, who got between Blaise and Marcus and punched Blaise straight in the gut. Blaise made a horrible wheeze and fell to the ground.
"Muggle pride, bitch," said Dudley.
Everyone was silent and wide-eyed. Dudley sat back down on the blanket and picked up his pineapple. A slow clap started and built. "Petrificus totalus," the security guard said, flicking his wand at the already immobilized Blaise. They carried him off the beach, and he was never seen on TV again.
"Well," said Hermione, choking back tears, "I guess that's done. Dudley, I...I'm not sure if I'm more angry that you did that, or that I didn't do it first."
"Sorry," he said, blushing. "I can get intense when someone hurts my pride. And my friends." He smiled at Marcus. "Thanks, mate. You wizard folk, you're not all bad."
"I'll drink to that!" Lee exclaimed. "Hey, Hermione, may I...?"
"Of course," she said, and with that, the night proceeded as normal.
"I want to give this group date rose to someone who did something very brave tonight," Hermione said. The sun had long set, and they were all gathered around the campfire. "This is not at all how I envisioned this night going, but I am very impressed at how all of you handled the situation. It makes me very confident in the group of guys I have before me. But this rose, I want to give to someone who revealed something very personal to me tonight. Something that, in light of recent events, is very sensitive. Draco, thank you for telling me about your parents. I do not think our families or our schools define who we are. I'm excited to continue to explore what is between us."
Draco grinned. "Thanks, Hermione!" He kissed her on the cheek as he accepted the rose. The men sighed, and they all returned to the portkey to be taken back to the mansion.
Gilderoy came to visit Hermione in the morning. "So," he began, "you've already given out two roses, and sent one man home."
"Yeah," she said.
"This won't change the number of roses you give out at the rose ceremony," said Gilderoy. "You'll still be sending another man home."
"Okay," said Hermione tentatively. "Can we not talk about this now? I'm really looking forward to this date today."
"Oh, sorry," said Gilderoy. "I had almost forgotten you'd opted to do two one-on-ones the first week. Weasley, yes?"
"That's right," said Hermione. "Ron is so easy to talk to. I already feel so comfortable around him. I'm expecting today's date will take the edge off yesterday."
Hermione met Ron outside of the mansion. He was in casual clothes as instructed. "Hi," he said, grinning wildly.
"Hello, Ron," she said, hugging him. "How are you today?"
"I'm good," he said. "So how are we going?"
"We're travelling by floo," she said.
"Oh, your favorite," he teased.
"Yes, but it will be worth it," she said. She took his hand. "Come with me."
"Wait, we're using the one in your cottage?" he asked in awe.
"Yeah," said Hermione. "What? I promise you it's just like every other one."
"Well, yeah, but," said Ron, "I get to go into your cottage!"
"And what do you think you're going to see there?"
And it was at that moment when Ron realized how dumb he was in comparison to her.
The Floo had already been automated to take them where the show wanted them to go. Ron stepped into their destination and stared numbly. He wasn't sure exactly what he'd expected to see. He knew the blokes had been whisked away to the Caribbean last night, and he knew her date with Severus had been in some beautiful location as well. This place...this place was the complete opposite of that. It looked like someone's house, and not a very well kept one. It was small, everything was a dingy brown color, and it smelled.
"Hullo!" came a rough voice. The owner of this voice was the largest man Ron had ever seen. He had to be at least seven feet tall, possibly eight, and his face was covered in hair. His clothes all matched his hair, making him resemble a bear.
"Oh, sorry, sir, we're-"
"Hagrid!" Hermione said, beaming. "This is Ron Weasley."
"Hello, Ron," said Hagrid. "Good to meet ya! Welcome to the Forbidden Forest!"
"Forbidden...forest?" Ron repeated. "Our date is at the FORBIDDEN FOREST!"
"Yeah, isn't it wicked?" Hermione asked.
"Wicked...yeah...very wicked," Ron said, gulping.
"Uh-oh," said Hagrid. "Looks like someone's scared. Ron, I'm the gameskeeper of this forest, and I assure you you're very safe with me. Besides, we aren't going to actually be going into the forest today."
"Awww," said Hermione as Ron breathed a sigh of relief.
"You're going to be flying over the forest," Hagrid clarified.
"Oh, okay," said Ron. "On broomsticks? On pegasus-drawn carriages?"
"Have you ever met a Hippogriff before?" asked Hagrid. They shook their heads no. Ron wasn't even sure what a Hippogriff was. "Splendid! Follow me!"
They left his tiny house and saw that they were very close to the forest, uncomfortably close for Ron. Every time something moved, he jumped slightly, and Hermione took his hand. They followed Hagrid around the edge of the forest until they came to a little path that lead inward, and Hagrid turned down it. Hermione followed, but Ron froze. "I thought we weren't going into the forest," he said.
"Oh, we're not," said Hagrid. "I mean, we are a little. But this hardly counts."
Ron gulped and followed, whimpering when he saw a giant spider's web. "You picked the wrong person for this date," he whispered to Hermione.
Maybe, she thought, squeezing his hand reassuringly.
They came to a clearing, and sitting there was a creature with a horse body and wings, but it wasn't a pegasus. It had an eagle's head. "This here is Buckbeak," said Hagrid. "Don't come any closer. He's skittish around strangers. If you don't gain his trust, he may bite ya."
"Oh, good to know," said Ron.
Hagrid took off his backpack and opened it. It stunk. "Alright, grab a possum," he said.
"I'm sorry?" asked Ron.
Hagrid took a dead possum out of the backpack. "Go on, I brought plenty."
"Oh, good," said Ron. "Look, Hermione, we get to touch dead possums on our date." She giggled and reached into the bag. Ron did the same, trying not to gag.
"Okay," said Hagrid. "So you want to offer Buckbeak the possum. And if he likes you, then you can pet him."
"And if he doesn't like you?" Ron asked.
"Then he'll bite you," said Hagrid.
"Oh, good," said Ron.
Hermione went first. Ron was glad she did, because he flinched when Buckbeak snapped down on the possum so close to her hand.
"Very good! Now stretch out your hand," Hagrid instructed. Hermione did, and Buckbeak bumped her palm with his beak. She was able to pat him lightly on the head.
"Wicked," said Ron.
"You ready to give it a try?" asked Hagrid. Ron nodded.
They had to repeat the process about five more times before Hagrid felt comfortable letting them ride Buckbeak. When they started to mount the Hippogriff, Ron wondered in horror if Hagrid was going to try to come with, but as soon as Hermione was settled in behind him, Buckbeak took off.
After they returned, Hagrid escorted Ron and Hermione out of the forest and to their own private dinner on a lake.
"Oh, you won't be joining us, Hagrid?" Ron asked playfully. Hermione chortled.
"Ohhh, I am flattered," said Hagrid. "But I think you two ought to be alone." He winked and left.
"Bye, Hagrid!" Hermione said. "He's the nicest man. I did a brief internship with him in college."
"Oh yeah? I guess you would need to know about magical creatures to be an auror," he said. "What do you think this meat is?" Ron asked.
"It looks like steak..," Hermione said.
"Are we sure it's like, steak steak, though?" Ron asked. "Given where we are."
"Oh no! Are you implying we're eating a Hippogriff?"
"Hippogriff. Griffin. Pegasus. Thestral. Nah, not thestral. Thestrals don't have any meat on them." He bit into the steak. "Jerky maybe."
"Stop!" Hermione said through laughing. She wasn't going to get any eating done at this rate.
"Sorry," said Ron. "I make jokes when I'm nervous."
"So you must be always nervous," said Hermione.
"I mean, kinda, yeah," said Ron.
"What makes you nervous?" Hermione asked.
"You," Ron said before thinking. "You're smarter than me. You're way better looking than me. So yeah. You make me nervous."
"Well, I guess I can't be mad about that," said Hermione. "I don't want to make you nervous all the time, though. You know, I feel like out of all the guys I've met, I became friends with you the fastest."
"Yeah?" asked Ron, unsure of where she was going with this.
"Yeah," she said. "I dunno. You're just so easy to talk to."
"You sure it's not because I just don't say much?" he asked.
She swallowed another piece of steak. "That could be it, yeah."
"Oh, alright," said Ron. "I'll just keep doing that, then?"
"No!" she exclaimed with a laugh. "I want to know more about you. What's your family like? I mean, I saw them all on TV when I watched Bill's season, but what do you think of them?"
"Now I kinda want to know what you think of them," Ron admitted. "Yeah, they're, you know, I never had a minute to myself growing up. But it's kinda nice to always have someone there. They're the most supportive people you'll meet. Anyone who walks through our door becomes instant family."
"That's awesome," said Hermione. "As a kid I was always jealous of people who had a bunch of brothers and sisters."
"Oh, I was always jealous of people who had none," said Ron. "But I wouldn't change it, not really. They made me who I am."
"Yeah, I guess I'd say the same," said Hermione. "Do you like cats?"
"I'm sorry?" he asked.
"Sorry, change of topic," said Hermione. "I'm just curious. Do you like cats?"
"Before I answer...how many cats?" he asked.
"Well, I only have one," said Hermione with a laugh.
"Oh, good," said Ron. "Yeah, cats are, they're cats. You know. They're there. They purr and scratch and stuff."
"You don't like them."
"Not really, no. But if you like them...I could deal with one," said Ron.
"Okay," said Hermione. She reached for the rose.
"Did I pass the test?" Ron asked.
"Well, way to steal my moment!" said Hermione.
"Sorry, sorry, gah," said Ron. "Go on."
She laughed again before talking. "I know this date wasn't your cup of tea. But I love how you just went with it even though you were super uncomfortable the entire time."
"Not the entire time!" he protested.
"You couldn't wait to get off Buckbeak," said Hermione.
"I actually thought Buckbeak was really cool!" Ron defended. "From a distance. He's cool from a distance. You, though, you were brilliant."
"Thank you," said Hermione. "I think you're brilliant too."
"Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..," said Ron.
"Ron, will you accept this rose?" she asked.
"Absolutely," he said. And after she pinned the rose on him, they kissed.
RON CAM: "That was brilliant. I don't know how I got a rose, but...wow. I'm in trouble. I'm in so much trouble. I could see myself falling for this girl, like, way too fast."
HERMIONE CAM: "Ron and I have a really great foundation that could turn into something beautiful. I was really looking today to see if romance could blossom between us. I'm not entirely sure we're there yet, but, I'm not ready to see him go. He's a great guy. A really great guy."
They returned home to the cocktail party, and Ron was able to breathe easy. He watched the other men stumble around to claim what little time with her they could squeak out. Draco was interrupting people constantly despite already having a rose. What an arse, Ron thought.
At the rose ceremony, roses were awarded to Harry, Neville, Cormac, Viktor, Oliver, Marcus, Dudley, Colin, Seamus, Lee, Tom, Dean, Zach, and Justin. Ernie Macmillan went home as quietly as he came.
DRACO CAM: "Alright, one less Hufflepuff hanging around and singing Kumbaya. Bloody gits are just in the way, taking up space...taking up air..."
HERMIONE CAM: "Oh my gosh." She buried her head in her hands, then looked up. "I sent home the wrong Hufflepuff!" she whispered. The cameramen gasped and laughed.
"Do you want us to...you know, we can fix that," said a guy off camera.
"Ehhh," said Hermione. "It was probably not meant to be."