The final seven men stepped out of the Floo and found themselves in a tropical resort. Gilderoy bestowed a lei upon each of them. "ALOHAAAAAAAAAAAA BACHELORS!"
ZACH CAM: "Hawaii, yes! And I got lei'd!"
"Welcome to the beautiful Hawaii. While Hawaii is largely a muggle resort destination, there is plenty of underground wizard activity on the island. Hawaiian wizards actually have a rich history that you will all, if you're lucky, get the chance to explore. Now, just like last week, there will be three one-on-one dates and one group date. I don't think I have to remind you that with each passing week, the roses given out are more important. So, let's see..." He reached into his jacket and pulled out the first date card. "Neville, looks like this is for you. Enjoy Hawaii, boys!" He tossed the card on the coffee table and then apparated out.
Neville picked up the date card. "Neville. I'm burning for you. Hermione."
NEVILLE CAM: "It feels very good to be chosen for the first second one-on-one. I believe I've grown very close to Hermione over these weeks, and I think we're ready to take the next steps in our relationship. If only all these other pesky blokes weren't around."
OLIVER CAM: "Hermione has been very diplomatic about her date choices. I know Zach and I aren't going to get another one-on-one this week, so I decide to relax and go explore the resort."
ZACH CAM: "Oh, I definitely want another one-on-one. I need another one-on-one. Mine and Hermione's relationship has been exciting, but not very stable. I need more time with her to assure her that I'm the right choice."
On the day of Neville's date, Hermione came sitting in the back of a red sports car with the top down.
"Hey," Neville said. "What's this?"
"This is our ride," said Hermione. "This is Akoni, our driver and tour guide."
"Aloha, Neville," said Akoni. "Welcome to Hawaii."
Hermione opened the door for Neville, and he stepped inside. "I've never been in one of these before," he said nervously.
"Not many have been in a Porsche," said Akoni. "You are a lucky man, Neville."
Hermione and Neville giggled, because they knew Neville had meant he'd never been in any car. Akoni drove slowly through the island, though, and Neville eventually relaxed. Akoni stopped at various destinations, such as local food vendors and scenic spots. Finally, he brought them to their destination, Hawaii Volcanoes National State Park.
"Thank you very much Akoni. We can take it from here," said Hermione when they had found their hiking trail.
"Be safe you two," said Akoni. "Aloha!" He drove off.
"Alright, now that the muggle is gone," said Hermione, "I can tell you what our final destination for this date is. We're going to see the safest wizard bank in the world."
"It's here?" Neville asked, looking around.
"Yes," said Hermione. "Specifically, it's there." She pointed to the active volcano.
Neville's eyes bulged. "We're going there?!" he exclaimed, and Hermione nodded. "On foot?!"
"Oh, gods no," said Hermione. "This hiking gear was just for show. We're apparating."
"Phew!" said Neville, wiping his brow. "I was not made for this weather, Hermione, and now you're taking me to a volcano."
Hermione giggled and kissed him on the cheek. "Let's go."
They looked both ways before apparating.
Oliver put on his swim trunks and went to the pool. Thankfully this resort had an adults-only section complete with a swim-up bar. He got himself a margarita, and then he felt a tap on his shoulder.
"Oliver?" It was a woman with short brown hair wearing a red bikini.
"Katie?" Oliver returned. "Hi...what...what brings you here?"
"Umm," she replied, "you do."
OLIVER CAM: "I met Katie back on the Gryffindor Quidditch team. We've been great friends ever since, maybe even best friends. But I don't have the foggiest idea why she would have followed me to Hawaii."
"Is something wrong?" Oliver asked. "How did you even find me?"
"Can we talk?" Katie asked.
"Of course," said Oliver. "Here, let's go back to my room." The cameras followed as the couple silently dried off and walked back into the resort. "How did you get here?" Oliver asked Katie partway through the halls.
"Magic," she answered simply.
"How did you know where I was?" he asked. She didn't answer this question. They entered his suite and sat down on a couch in the foyer. "What's wrong?" he repeated. She buried her head in her hands and sighed. "Katie? You're scaring me. What's wrong?" He put his arm around her. "Did someone die?"
"No," she said. "There's just something I need to tell you. Something I should have told you a long, long time ago. You and me have always been good friends."
"Of course," said Oliver.
"I guess I just thought there would always be more time. That you'd eventually come around."
"Come around to what?" Oliver asked.
"Oliver," she said, "I'm in love with you."
Oliver stared at her blankly. "What?"
"Have you really never thought about it?" she asked.
"No," he answered. "I mean...the idea might have crossed my mind, but it was just that, an idea. I never seriously considered...are you sure?"
"I am," she said. "And I couldn't let you continue down this path without telling you."
"What do you think...what do you expect to happen now?" Oliver asked.
"I don't know," said Katie. "When you came on this show, I didn't expect you to be gone so long. You're really far along now."
"Yeah," he said, getting annoyed. "Pretty far along."
"Do you love her?" she asked.
"I...I'm falling for her," said Oliver. "And I think she is me."
Katie sighed. "You always do this."
"Do what?"
"Chase after girls who end up hurting you. And the whole time I've been here. Do you know how hard it is for me to watch you do this over and over? And now you're doing it on television!" She started crying.
"Katie, I don't know what to tell you," said Oliver. "I'm not leaving the show, if that's what you want. I'm not leaving Hermione."
"Hermione, Hermione, Hermione!" Katie exclaimed. "The whole bloody world revolves around Hermione!"
She got up and stormed out of the room. "Katie!" Oliver cried, chasing after her. He chased her down the hallway. "Katie!"
Katie turned around. "Stop, Oliver, just stop!"
"Stop what?!"
"What does she have that I haven't? What does any other girl have?"
"I...I don't know what to tell you!" Oliver repeated.
"I shouldn't have come here. I don't know what I was thinking."
"No," said Oliver. "I'm glad I know. I wish I'd found out some other way."
"Well, I feel an awful fool now. I guess we'll both be fools on TV together."
"You're not a fool."
"You are," said Katie. "I hope it's worth it for you. I hope you find happiness. Just don't come crying to me when she sends you home. I really don't want to hear it anymore. Goodbye, Oliver." She kissed him on the lips before leaving in a flurry of tears.
OLIVER CAM: "WHAT?! Bloody hell, what just happened? Somebody tell me? Merlin's beard…I think I just lost my best friend. I don't know what to do now. I'm second guessing everything. What if she's right about Hermione? Am I a fool? Has the person for me been in front of my face my entire life? I don't know what to do."
Ke Kala Wizarding Bank was inside of an active volcano, and so that you knew you were inside a volcano, you could see the lava running down the walls. It looked very much like Gringotts. They even employed goblins, although the Hawaiian goblins seemed much happier and came in colors ranging from pink to orange.
"What happens if the volcano erupts?" Neville asked.
"We transport our structure to another volcano, of course," said the guide wizard.
"Oh, of course," said Neville. "How silly of me."
"Would you like to see our vaults?" the wizard asked.
"Sure!" said Hermione. "This is incredible."
NEVILLE CAM: "What happens on this show if the date-master asks you to do something, and you say no?" Mutters from off-camera. "I'm not saying I want to do it, I'm just wondering what happens." More mutters from off-camera. "You don't know? Hm. Interesting."
Like Gringotts, the vaults were accessed from mine carts; however, these tracks and carts were reinforced with protection from the elements. "All of our vaults are behind lava flows that will only part for authorized personnel," said the guide. "And some of our vaults are completely human inaccessible. These are, of course, for our most lucrative clients. Only the lava goblins can access these vaults."
"Are the lava goblins treated well?" Hermione asked. Neville chuckled. Hermione was always concerned for the magical non-humans they encountered. To him, it was one of her most enduring traits.
"Most certainly," said the guide. "Unlike your British goblins, the lava goblins are not at odds with the Hawaiian Wizarding Community. We luau with them every Saturday."
"How do you feel about moving to Hawaii?" Hermione whispered to Neville.
"Fantastic!" he replied. "They have the best plants here."
NEVILLE CAM: "I'm not joking. I can live anywhere there are plants."
The guide dropped them off at a vault that had a rose marked on it. Hermione and Neville entered, and they were in a room with a view of the outside of the volcano. They were near the top of the volcano and could see out over the park. There was, of course, a dinner set up and a rose on the table.
HERMIONE CAM: "This is surreal, and to be here with Neville just makes it that much better. I lost Neville for a while in the shuffle, but this date has reminded me just how into him I am. I think I'm going to tell him. Oh gosh, look at me, I'm blushing like a schoolgirl."
"Cheers to a beautiful day in Hawaii," Hermione said, clinking glasses of champagne with him.
"And cheers to this volcano not erupting," added Neville.
"So, Neville," Hermione started, "I kept thinking about what you said on our last group date."
"What I said?" Neville asked. He couldn't remember what he said.
"About the rose," said Hermione. "I was really struggling that date. I was just looking for any reason to let someone go."
"Oh, that," said Neville. "I was kinda terrified about that. I thought I was going home for sure."
"You're kidding," said Hermione. "Your answer was my favorite."
"Really?" he asked. "I...I just said what I felt, honestly."
"And that's what I love about you," said Hermione. "You just say whatever you think. You didn't say what you thought I wanted to hear. You said what you actually were feeling. That was so refreshing, honestly. And I needed to hear that because I was really losing sight of this process, and you kinda brought me back with that answer."
"Oh, wow," said Neville. "I wish you'd said this before. I've been panicking all week."
"You? Panic?" Hermione asked.
"Ummm...yeah," said Neville.
"I can't imagine you panicking," said Hermione.
Neville choked on his pork. "What?!"
"I can't imagine you panicking about anything," said Hermione. "You're always so stable."
"Oh, no," said Neville. "I'm almost in a constant state of panic."
"Stahhhhp," said Hermione.
"I'm serious! I'm afraid of everything! Why do you think I chose plants as my career? Because plants are safe," said Neville.
"Umm, okay," said Hermione. "I think I've learned a thing or two about plants since I've been dating you, and plants are most definitely not safe. Every time we talk about plants, you're telling me about all the ways they can kill me."
"Well, I mean, you've gotta show off for the girl, right?" Neville asked, and Hermione doubled over laughing. "I'm serious. My job. Is really boring. 99% percent of the time. And...I want it that way."
"Okay," said Hermione. "Interesting."
"I'm sorry, Hermione. I'm not the guy you think I am. I feel like I've lied to you this entire time," Neville said half-jokingly.
"Well, if we're going to play the boring Olympics, my job sounds exciting, but it's just a bunch of paperwork," said Hermione.
"Good," said Neville.
"It's funny, isn't it? We go to these lengths to learn all sorts of magic, and here we are, doing paperwork. Most of us aren't doing anything a muggle couldn't do," said Hermione.
"That's true," said Neville. "That's progress, you know? The wizarding world has stabilized to the point that we don't all need to be fighting monsters. I can have the quiet muggle life I've always wanted with a side of wingardium leviosa."
"And yet," said Hermione, "and I hate to bring this up, but I'm going to. You were one of the first to join 'Snape's Army,' if you will."
"Heh, I wouldn't say that," said Neville. "We all did what needed to be done."
"No, I watched that tape. You and Ron were leading the charge," said Hermione. "Mr. Boring?"
"You were in trouble," said Neville. "My body kinda acted of its own accord at that point. I don't know who that guy was, but it wasn't me."
"Oh, I think it was," said Hermione. "I think Neville Longbottom has some giant balls."
Neville turned lava red. "I...ummm...I don't know how to respond to that."
"How about by accepting this rose?" Hermione asked.
"Ohhh," said Neville, "that I can do. That I can gladly do."
Neville and Hermione kissed in the overlook. Neville didn't worry about the volcano erupting. "Neville, I...," Hermione whispered.
"What?" Neville asked.
HERMIONE CAM: "Damnit, I can't say what I'm feeling."
"Let me say something," said Neville.
"Okay," said Hermione.
"I'm falling in love with you," he said.
"Me too," she said.
HERMIONE CAM: "Well, damn."
The men all gathered in a resort lobby. "Alright, I've called this council of the bros because I'm in a bit of a conundrum," said Oliver. "Someone from my past found me today and wanted to talk to me about us."
"Woah, slow down," said Dean. "Someone found you? Talk about us? You're being cryptic, mate."
"Okay, okay," said Oliver. "You Gryffindor blokes might remember Katie Bell from the Quidditch Team."
"Oh, yeah," said Harry. "She was a Chaser."
"Yeah, so, we've been really close friends since school, and I never thought anything of it, but she told me today she was in love with me," said Oliver.
"Ohhhhhh," said the guys sympathetically.
"She tracked you down here to tell you this?" Justin clarified.
"Yes," said Oliver.
"Woah," said Ron. "That's...that's intense."
"That's creepy is what it is," said Zach. "Stalker alert!"
"No, it's not like that," said Oliver. "She's my best friend, really. She's always had my back. She said she's worried about me. She said I'm a fool to be on this show and...I don't know. It's kinda in my head now."
"Is she still here?" Justin asked.
"No, I don't think so," said Oliver. "I'm not sure how she found us, but, here's the thing. Katie is a very level-headed person. She doesn't do crazy, she doesn't do drama, and seeing her the way she was today really concerns me."
"She's desperate," said Ron. "I get that. She thinks she's going to lose you forever."
"Well, I think I'm going to lose her forever whether I end up with Hermione or not," said Oliver.
"But that's nonsense," said Harry. "If you're such good friends, then it shouldn't matter."
"Nah," said Dean. "I wouldn't wait around with someone I was in love with if they weren't ever gonna return the feeling. It's a lose-lose situation, mate. You either reciprocate her feelings, or she's gone. That's all there is to it."
"Maybe initially, but in time," Harry said. "Hermione's a good person. Give Katie space. She'll move on and then come around again."
"I don't know, mate," said Dean. "I think Oliver's right."
"So, the real question here is, do you reciprocate any feelings for Katie?" asked Justin.
"I don't know. I've never thought about it," said Oliver. "Well, okay, that's a lie. I have thought about it."
"Of course you have. You're a dude," said Zach.
"Yeah, I mean, I've wondered, but I never dreamed she felt anything for me, especially that strongly," said Oliver. "So it was always just a friendship. It wasn't ever worth risking the friendship to let myself go there. I didn't realize she'd already went there. She never gave me the slightest indication."
"She probably did, you just didn't catch it," said Ron. "We're pretty dumb that way."
"Yeah, that's what I love about Hermione. She just says what she's thinking," said Dean.
"I wouldn't be so sure about that," said Justin. "I mean, yeah, the show kinda forces you to be more upfront about things. But I'm sure there's a lot going on beneath the surface that we're not hearing."
"That's true," said Harry. "Like, if she is favoring someone, which she's gotta be, she's doing a pretty good job at hiding it."
"That's not true at all," said Dean. "Ron's her favorite, obviously. He's gotten the group date rose two times in a row."
"To be fair, there was a month between those dates, so I don't know how much you can really read into that," said Ron.
"Still," said Dean. "She wants us to think we're all on the same level, but there are frontrunners even among this group."
"And I'm not one of them," said Oliver.
"I'm not so sure about that," said Zach. "You seemed to have a pretty easy date last week. I was put through the ringer."
"I actually attribute that to you, though," said Oliver. "You put her in a better place. She was still screwed up when you had your date."
"We can sit here dissecting dates and roses all day, but there's still time left in this process, and there's still a lot that can change," said Justin. "We're all here for a reason. We're all here because Hermione sees a potential future with us."
Neville walked over wearing a rose. "Hey, guys. What's up?"
"Oliver has a stalker," said Zach.
"No, she's not a stalker. Stop calling her that," said Oliver. "She's my best friend, and she tracked me down here to tell me she's been harboring a secret crush on me for years."
"Yikes," said Neville. "I don't envy you, mate. But here," said Neville, handing a card to Ron. "You're up."
"Oh, thanks," said Ron. Dean shot Ron a "told you so" look as Ron opened the date card. "Ron. There are plenty of fish in the sea. Hermione."
RON CAM: "I'm getting mixed messages from this date card. She's on fire for Neville, but for me she says, 'eh, there are plenty of fish.'"
"Okay, well, I think I'm gonna head back to my room and think about this. Thanks, guys," said Oliver.
OLIVER CAM: "It's good to talk it out with the bros, but the person I really need to talk to is Hermione."
HERMIONE CAM: "I had an amazing date with Neville, and I cannot wait for my second one-on-one with Ron. My relationship with Ron has definitely moved faster than all the others, and that's both exciting and scary. It is important that we keep moving forward today instead of just staying stagnant."
Hermione came in the sports car with Akoni again. "Hello, Ron!"
"Oh, nice!" Ron exclaimed. "I was kinda hoping I'd get to ride in the car too."
"Excellent," said Hermione, opening the door for him. "Ron, this is Akoni. He's going to be our chauffeur today."
"Aloha, Ron," said Akoni.
"Aloha," said Ron.
"So, you are going to the ocean today?" Akoni asked.
"Yes," said Hermione.
RON CAM: "Oh, the ocean. Plenty of fish. I feel stupid."
They arrived at a private beach where Gilderoy was waiting. "Aloha, Ron and Hermione. Welcome to Mare Beach. Along this shore is a beautiful coral reef full of tropical fish. I hope you both brought your bathing suits." Hermione and Ron looked at each other awkwardly. Neither had brought one. Gilderoy laughed. "I'm joking. We have wet suits for you to change into."
HERMIONE CAM: "Oh good. That would have been embarrassing!"
RON CAM: "Darn! I thought this date was about to get way more interesting!"
They both went into booths to change, and when they came back, Gilderoy was gone. "So, what are we supposed to do?"
"I think we're supposed to swim with the fishes," said Hermione. She pointed her wand at her face and cast the bubble head charm. "Ready?"
"I, uhhh, I'm not the best at swimming," said Ron.
"Like, you can't swim?" Hermione asked.
"I learned when I was a kid. I haven't ever really practiced," said Ron.
"Okay, well, let me see what we're working with. Do you mind?" Hermione asked.
"No, go right on ahead," said Ron. "You know I'm not the biggest fan of animals. I don't know why you keep picking me for these dates."
Hermione winked and giggled as she got into the water.
RON CAM: "It really doesn't bother me if Hermione wants to do something for herself. If she's happy, I'm happy."
Hermione returned to the shore after about fifteen minutes. "You can do this," she said.
"I think you overestimate me," said Ron. "I'm fine, really."
"No, you've gotta see this. Come on," said Hermione. She cast the charm on him, took his hand, and lead him into the water.
The water was very shallow. When they couldn't wade out any further, the reef began. Ron was able to skim the surface and still see all of the fish. Hermione swam slightly deeper. They spent about thirty minutes in the water, although Ron stopped sooner to return to the shallow beach.
When they both had their fill of the tropical fish, they popped their bubbles and made out in the sand, and when that was out of their system, they changed back into their regular clothes and found that a picnic basket from Gilderoy had been dropped off at some point.
"Oh, good," said Ron. "I was kinda worried the date was over after we looked at fish."
"Nope," said Hermione, "now we get to eat the fish."
"Ohhh," said Ron.
"Oh no," said Hermione. "You don't like fish."
"Not particularly, no," said Ron.
"Let me see what's in here," said Hermione. "There's vegetables?"
"Oh, good. I'll eat those. You can have the fish," said Ron.
"You're going to just eat vegetables?" Hermione asked.
"There's bread too," said Ron. "And rum! I'm set!"
"Are you sure? We can get something else. I'll call Akoni."
"Nah," said Ron, taking a pull of rum. "I'm fine."
They ate and talked about the fish and the island. Hermione kept the rose at her side, waiting for the right opportunity to use it.
"I will say," said Ron, "this is a very strange picnic basket. Usually a picnic is sandwiches and stuff." His stomach rumbled.
"Okay, I'm calling Akoni," said Hermione. "This is not dinner. And you're getting drunk from rum. You need more food."
"I'm not drunk," said Ron. "I want to drive the car."
"Oh gods no!" Hermione exclaimed.
"I'm kidding, I'm kidding," said Ron. "I'm actually one of the few wizards who have driven a car before."
"Oh yeah?" Hermione asked, putting her phone down for a second.
"So, my dad, as you know, studies muggles. By the way, when you meet him, if you meet him, I am sorry. He's not going to leave you alone about it," said Ron. "So he was studying a car and he put a flying enchantment on it."
"Oh gods," said Hermione. "You didn't drive a car. You flew a car."
"Me and my brothers," said Ron. "Got in huge trouble, needless to say."
"And let me complete the picture," said Hermione. "Were you drunk?"
"NO! I was, like, thirteen," said Ron.
"Could still happen," said Hermione with a shrug. She dialed Akoni. "Hey, so, Ron and I were wondering if you could take us to get...hamburgers?" She looked questioningly at Ron, who nodded. "Hamburgers," she repeated confidently. "Great! Thanks!" She hung up. "He'll be right here."
"You really don't need to do this," Ron repeated. "I think we're supposed to watch the sunset from here or something romantic like that."
"With your drunk stomach rumbling? No," said Hermione. "Besides, these fantasy-type dates are getting boring."
"Really?" asked Ron.
"I find myself rushing through the obligatory activities to just get to talk to you guys," said Hermione. "You know, like normal people date."
"You know, I noticed that at Oktoberfest," said Ron.
"Yeah. Not that I don't want to have fun with you guys, but, I don't know. I have fun just hanging out and talking," said Hermione. "And I learn so much more about you when we're doing normal things. Like going to get a hamburger."
Akoni arrived and honked his horn. "Was he just waiting to take us back?" Ron asked.
"Probably," said Hermione. "Let's go. Oh, here." She picked up the rose. "This is for you."
"Oh, hey!" Ron said. "Thanks, I mean..." He looked around.
"What?" asked Hermione. "What's wrong?"
"Isn't there a rule that you're supposed to ask me?" Ron asked.
"Uhhh...I don't think so," said Hermione. "Oh gods. Is Gilderoy watching us?"
"Gilderoy is always watching us," said Ron. "Oh my gods, I just realized he actually called me Ron today!"
"Nice!" Hermione exclaimed. They started kissing again, and Akoni beeped. "Okay, later," Hermione said. They got back into the car giggling.
Akoni took them to a beachside burger joint, and Ron tried a spam burger. He liked it so much that Hermione also got one.
"This is so much better than fish and vegetables," said Hermione. "I need to learn this recipe."
"You're going to make homemade spam?" asked Ron. "I think the point of spam is that it comes from a can."
"I know, but I mean, this specific burger," said Hermione.
The sun set and a band started to play. Ron and Hermione danced until a crewman said they had to leave because everyone was on overtime and the producers weren't happy.
An owl tapped on Dean's window carrying a date card. "Hey, buddy," said Dean. "Is that for me?" The owl tapped again. Dean opened the sliding door to let him in and took the card. The owl departed, and Dean opened the card. "Dean. Everything's better down where it's wetter. Hermione."
DEAN CAM: "It feels great to get a second one-on-one! Sounds like we're going to do some swimming or something? I'm down for whatever."
Dean went to Harry and Justin's rooms as a courtesy to let them know he had the third one-on-one.
JUSTIN CAM: "Of course I'd want another one-on-one, but we can't get them every week. I'll just have to put all my energy into the group date and make the best of it."
HARRY CAM: "I'm very bummed I didn't get a second one-on-one. I had my one-on-one a long time ago, and I feel like we're having a hard time moving forward. I have a lot inside me that I think we need to talk about in terms of the future and what that would look like for her should we get married. Being with me would not be the normal life she would get from someone like, say, Ron or Dean. Not only do I have the most dangerous job you can have in the wizarding world, I'm probably the most dangerous person to be. There is a level of danger that comes with being with me, and I'm not at all worried that Hermione couldn't handle it, but she also needs to understand what she would be getting herself into. A lot has changed since we started this process. I probably wouldn't have come on the show if...You-Know-Who had revealed himself earlier in my life."
HERMIONE CAM: "I'm taking Dean on this date for a couple of reasons. I think Dean is starting to fall behind the other guys, and I really don't want him to. Dean has all of the qualities I'm looking for in a potential husband, and I want to move forward, or, if we're not, figure out what is holding us back and determine if we can get through it."
Hermione knocked on Dean's door. They greeted each other with a kiss and a hug, and they walked out of the resort together.
"Where's Akoni?" Dean asked.
"Uhhh," said Hermione, "we're not taking the car today."
"WHAAAAT?!" Dean exclaimed.
"I'm sorry! I didn't realize this was such a big deal to you guys. We have to take a Portkey," said Hermione.
"Why?" Dean asked.
"Because we need to go to another island. We're going to Pearl Harbor," said Hermione.
"Oh, okay," said Dean.
DEAN CAM: "So Pearl Harbor I know is a very important part of muggle history. Vietnam bombed Hawaii there and..." The crewman muttered. "...Oh, it was Japan? But wait...how did Japan start the Vietnam War?..." More muttering. "...World War II? I thought that was Germany? Why was Japan involved?..." More muttering. "I mean, okay, I guess that makes sense. World War. Yeah...So I don't know jack s***."
The Portkey was a lei. Dean and Hermione arrived in a very busy port city, and they were immediately found by a muggle tour guide.
"AKONI!" Hermione cried. "Dean, this is Akoni."
"Aloha, Dean. I am Akoni. I will be your guide of historic Pearl Harbor," said Akoni.
"I am so happy right now," said Dean.
"Okay," said Akoni, confused. "Let's get started."
Akoni cleared up all of Dean's fuzzy details about Pearl Harbor, and then he took them to a gated-off section.
"I have a special treat for both of you," said Akoni. "We are going to go in a submarine."
"IS IT YELLOW?!" Dean asked hopefully.
Akoni looked at him blankly. "No, it is not," said Akoni.
"Oh, okay," said Dean.
"So, I am going to drive the submarine," said Akoni. "We're going to hopefully see some cool fish, and maybe dolphins and sharks, if we're lucky."
"This is much better than the sports car," said Dean. "Thank you, Hermione."
They got into the submarine and started to travel. Akoni's control panel was blocked off so they could enjoy a private dinner and underwater sightseeing.
"This is a really cool date," said Dean. "Thank you, Hermione."
"Thank you, Dean," said Hermione. The rose was on the table.
HERMIONE CAM: "I have not had enough time with Dean today to make a decision on this rose. I just feel like he has a wall up. We're just talking about Pearl Harbor and fish, and I'm missing the intimacy I felt with him before. It's weird."
"So, how are you feeling about where we are as a couple?" Hermione asked.
"I'd like to think we're in a good place," said Dean. "I mean, I feel like we're very compatible."
"I agree," said Hermione.
"Good," said Dean. "I have felt a little more recently that maybe I'm not your favorite guy in the house?"
HERMIONE CAM: "Boom. There it is."
"Wha...what makes you say that?" asked Hermione.
"I mean, we had our one-on-one, and that was great," said Dean.
"Yeah," said Hermione. "That's actually one of my favorite dates."
"Okay! Yes! And we have good times on group dates, at least, I think so."
"We do," said Hermione. "Of course we do. I always have a good time with you."
"But the rose always goes to someone else," said Dean. "I just wish I knew what other guys were doing to get these roses."
HERMIONE CAM: "Again with the roses! I'm kinda over these roses. They cause nothing but trouble."
"I don't want you to think of it that way," said Hermione.
"Well, how am I supposed to think of it?"
"When I give a rose, it usually means that person has gone above and beyond just showing me a good time on the date. Because you all do that. It means we've connected on a deeper level or something. I don't want you to try to get roses, because it shouldn't be about the rose, it should be about us. You need to focus on us, not on roses or the other guys in the house."
"That's really hard to do. You're asking me to go against everything that I'm naturally going to do in this situation."
"Well, I think it's a difference between seeing us as boyfriend and girlfriend having a relationship, and playing a game."
Dean shook his head. "I don't want to play a game with you."
"Good," said Hermione. "But you understand you sound like you are."
"The show's set up that way. I can't help it," said Dean.
Hermione sighed. "This is really frustrating because you're exactly the kind of guy I want to marry."
"Okay," said Dean, waiting for more.
"We're not going to get there if you're just going to say 'okay'..."
HERMIONE CAM: "Every other guy has told me exactly how they're feeling about me except for Dean."
"I don't know what you want me to say! I can't change how I feel about it."
"How do you feel about me?" Hermione asked.
"You are beautiful, and intelligent, and the kind of girl any guy would kill to be with," said Dean.
Hermione sighed.
HERMIONE CAM: "That's not enough any more."
"I can't give you this rose," said Hermione. "If that's all you have to say about this relationship, then I can't give you this rose."
"It's basically the same thing you said about me, so...?"
HERMIONE CAM: "I will never understand how me and Dean fell apart. Maybe the show got to him. Maybe he wasn't ready for this commitment. It sucks, because I can see the kind of man and husband he could be. But I'm not going to be that girl."
The crewman retrieved Dean's bags. Zach, who was returning from the gym, saw this and gasped. He knocked on everyone's doors to tell them the news.
RON CAM: "Blimey! I did not see that coming."
HARRY CAM: "Maybe it's a good thing I wasn't on that? I mean, everyone thought Dean and Hermione were solid. I guess we just don't know everything that's going on behind the scenes. Maybe he was too confident."
Akoni took Dean to the airport.
"Yo, Akoni?" Dean asked. "What did I do wrong?"
"She is a beautiful, intelligent girl," said Akoni.
"That she is," said Dean. "And I lost her."
"You are young," said Akoni. "And you are obviously a nice guy. But you and Hermione just didn't have that special something. I do not know what it is."
"Yeah," said Dean. "I think you're right, man. Sucks, though."
"Yes," said Akoni. "It does suck. I see it with the other two. The way they talk to her, hold her hand, the way she reacts. You were a cute couple, but not in love."
"Ohh," said Dean, "so you think she loves Neville and Ron?"
"Yes," said Akoni. "I have not met the other guys yet, but if you asked me right now, she will marry one of them."
"I see," said Dean. "Thanks, man."
DEAN CAM: "I liked Hermione a lot. Definitely had a crush on her. Love, though. That's another thing entirely. And I'm not sure I even really thought about it. That's weird. Akoni's right. I wasn't ready for this. But I think I learned a lot about myself and about what I need out of a relationship. And what I need...is it not to be filmed and not to involve other men."
The remaining men gathered for breakfast the next morning. Their complimentary resort breakfast was served with a side of date card. Harry picked it up and opened it. "Alright, let's see. Harry, Zach, Justin, and Oliver. Let's dance under the stars. Hermione."
"OHHHH! Oh oh oh oh oh oh!" Zach exclaimed. "We're going to a luau!"
"How do you get that from that?" Harry asked.
"Context, bro! We're in Hawaii!" Zach said.
"He has a point. There's not been a luau yet, and that's gotta be a given on a Hawaiian set, right?" Justin said.
"I guess so," said Harry. "You coming, Oliver?"
"Huh? Of course, why wouldn't I?" Oliver responded.
Harry shrugged. "You acted like you might be thinking about leaving."
"I'm not going to make any decision until after seeing Hermione again," said Oliver.
"So you are thinking about it?" Ron clarified.
"I am questioning many things," said Oliver. "I'll just leave it at that."
HARRY CAM: "I'm worried about what it's going to do to Hermione when she hears about Oliver's conundrum. Like, if it were me in her shoes, the fact that he's considering going after another girl at all, even hypothetically, would be a deal breaker at this point. We are ridiculously close to an engagement. Hometowns are right around the corner. I don't know how Hermione could give him a rose, even if he says he wants to stay."
Their date was that evening. "Hello, boys," Hermione greeted them.
"Hello," they said. Hermione could pick out each of their individual voices and greeted them all individually.
"Okay, so, we're going to a luau," said Hermione.
"Woohooo!" Zach cried.
"Yes, awesome," said Hermione. "And it's just down the street, so we're actually walking to this date."
OLIVER CAM: "As we're walking to the date, a paranoia came over me. Like, I kept thinking I was seeing Katie everywhere. It was weird."
They were greeted at the luau by native Hawaiians who bestowed leis on them and showed them to their table at the front of the stage. Women danced the hula, and men pounded drums and danced with fire.
The dinner was roast pork, poi, and lomi salmon with beer to drink and haupia for dessert. Then the spotlight was thrown on the group. Gilderoy Lockhart came on stage in traditional Hawaiian dress. "We have a very special treat today!" Gilderoy announced. "We have a very lucky woman and four very lucky men competing for her love. Come on down, Harry Potter, Oliver Wood, Zacharias Smith, and Justin Finch-Fletchley!"
HARRY CAM: "And Hermione is extra lucky today, because she doesn't have to embarrass herself in front of strangers, but gets to sit back and watch!"
The men had no choice but to obey the show. They joined Gilderoy on stage. "Give them a hand, folks! Our men are going to learn a hula routine, then you'll all get to decide who was the best!"
OLIVER CAM: "We're all kinda over these gimmicks on dates. Just leave us alone, Gilderoy, and let us have time with Hermione. That's the reason we're all here."
ZACH CAM: Zach danced across the screen in a grass skirt, a coconut bra, and multiple leis.
HERMIONE CAM: "I'm kind of annoyed that the guys are being taken away from me, but, I'm really excited to see them hula dance."
They actually weren't away for too long, and they returned bare-chested in traditional Polynesian garb. The female hula instructor stood up front and lead the dance.
HERMIONE CAM: "I feel so bad for Oliver, Justin, and Harry because they are so over this, but Zach is just giving it his all. And because Zach is taking it so seriously, and the other three are so done, it makes it that much funnier."
Zach decided about three-quarters through the dance he was going to go off script. He danced off the stage and took Hermione by the hand. She stood up and danced with him, and he lead her up onto the stage.
"Oh, wait, NO!" Hermione cried.
"Oh, yes," said Zach. "This night is about you."
The other guys decided to run with it.
"Yeah, HERMIONE!" Harry exclaimed, clapping. Justin and Oliver followed.
HERMIONE CAM: "Bollocks."
Hermione joined her boyfriends onstage and tried to follow the hula girl. She found it much more difficult than it looked. Zach, however, was a natural, and came up behind her to help her with the moves. The audience oohed and ahhed.
Gilderoy stepped onstage. "Well, what do you think, everyone? Do we have our luau king and queen?"
"WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" everyone shouted.
Gilderoy placed crowns of driftwood and coral on their heads. "Now let's all get up and dance with our lovely bachelorette and bachelors!"
Hermione took Zach's hand and lead him toward the more secluded part of the beach. "Where are we going?" he asked. "The luau..."
"To be alone? To talk? Don't you want that?" Hermione asked.
"Relax, Hermione," he said. "Let's enjoy the luau."
"I dunno. I feel like I've had enough," said Hermione.
Harry intervened. "Want to take a walk, Hermione?"
"Yes, please," said Hermione. "I'll be back, alright, Zach?"
"Uhhh...okay," said Zach.
ZACH CAM: "This is probably the only time I'll ever be here. I want to...you know...be here."
Harry and Hermione walked along the beach. "I totally get where you're coming from," he started. "These group dates are getting more and more unbearable."
"I wish I could just enjoy myself like he can, but I can't," said Hermione. "There's too much on my mind."
"I hear you," said Harry. "Hermione, there's been something on my mind for a while now that I think we need to discuss."
"Okay," she said, taking a deep breath.
"I just want to make sure you realize how much my life has changed since...what happened in China," said Harry.
"Oh, right," said Hermione. "No, we've talked about that."
"Yeah, but," he said, "Hermione, I am the most dangerous person to be right now. And if you're with me, you're also in danger. That's the fact. A life with me would be very different than the life you'd have with anyone else here. You'd be sacrificing a lot."
"Like what?" she asked.
"Normalcy," said Harry. "My life is not easy. It wouldn't be easy for you either. I can't give you a normal, happy family life."
"Why not?" asked Hermione. "Do you live under a rock?"
"Well, no, but..."
"I mean, of course I know you don't have much traditional family, but my family would absolutely adore you and accept you as one of their own," said Hermione.
"And by doing so, put themselves in great danger! Do they even know what happened?"
"Yes," said Hermione. "They are even allowed to watch the show. They know everything."
"And what did they say about me?"
"They asked if you were okay and if you were returning," said Hermione. "They were genuinely worried about you. Harry, I've told you once, I've told you many times, that you being you isn't an issue for me. I like you. And if you're the one for me, I'm willing to take on whatever it is that comes with that. You deserve to be happy just as much as anyone else."
"I still feel like you don't get it," said Harry.
"How am I not getting it? Because I'm not pushing you away? Because I'm not going to do that," said Hermione. "Your situation is not scary to me or a turn-off. If anything it's the opposite. I admire you so much for what you've done, as an Auror and as a person. But there is one thing I won't accept."
"What's that?" asked Harry.
"You hiding from the Dark Lord for the rest of your life," said Hermione. "If we're together, we're not hiding. We're going to do everything a normal couple would do, okay?"
"But that's irresponsible!"
"No, it's not," said Hermione. "The Dark Lord wants you to hide. But you're not hiding. You're on a TV show, at a Hawaiian luau, enjoying your life. That's what I want for us."
"But look where that got us!"
"Harry, what the heck brought this on?" Hermione asked, exasperated. "Just a month ago you were leading the charge. What happened?"
Harry sighed. "My feelings for you...have significantly increased since then."
"Oh," said Hermione, blushing.
"I'm taking things much more seriously than I was a month ago," said Harry, "because I'm falling in love with you. And the thought of you getting attacked again because of me is unacceptable."
"It's a risk I'm willing to take," said Hermione.
"But what if I'm not?" asked Harry.
Hermione grabbed him and kissed him. "I refuse to let this beat you," she whispered. "And I'm not letting you go because of this. Don't you dare try to leave, Harry. I won't let you. I'll send Gilderoy and Rita to bring you back."
"Well, how could I ever defeat Gilderoy?" Harry asked playfully.
"Let's go back and dance," said Hermione. "I'm feeling the party now."
"Sure," said Harry. They started to walk back hand-in-hand, and they were intercepted by Oliver.
"Hey," said Oliver, "can I borrow you for a moment?"
"Me or her?" Harry teased.
Oliver played along and grabbed Harry's arm. "See ya in a few, Hermione."
"Oh, stop!" Hermione giggled. "Sure, Oliver."
Harry left them, and they retreated to the beach behind the luau. Hermione smiled, and Oliver caught his breath as the moonlight illuminated her face.
OLIVER CAM: "Hermione and I have never had a difficult conversation. This is going to be a shock for her, and I feel bad for casting this cloud over a fun night, but it has to be done."
"So, Hermione," said Oliver, "remember when I told you about my friend Katie?"
"Oh, yeah," said Hermione. "Why? Is something wrong? Is she okay?"
"I feel so bad about this," said Oliver. "So, Katie came and found me here at the resort."
"Oh?" Hermione asked. "Why? What's wrong?"
Oliver sighed. "I feel sick."
"Oliver, please tell me what is happening?" Hermione asked, getting annoyed.
"I told you that there was no way that Katie would ever come between us," said Oliver.
"Right," said Hermione tentatively. "And I told you I was completely comfortable with you having a female best friend."
"Right," said Oliver. "Well, she told me she was in love with me and has always been."
"WHAT?!" Hermione shrieked. "Oh my gosh. What did you say?"
"I didn't know what to say! I totally froze! I wasn't expecting that at all!"
"Oh my goodness, Oliver! I'm so sorry. That's so hard," Hermione said, hugging him.
"I'm afraid I'm going to lose her forever," said Oliver.
"Yeah," Hermione said, sympathetically. She released him. "But if you're as good friends as you say you are, she'll come around. It'll just take time."
"Yeah, that's what one of the guys said, but, I'm not so sure," said Oliver. "She said she can't handle watching me chase after girls who don't love me as much as she does. It was really intense."
"Wow," said Hermione. Then, she asked the question she was dreading. "Do you...have feelings for her?"
"I've thought about it," said Oliver. "I never thought it would be worth the friendship. But now..."
"Hold on," said Hermione. "What are you saying?"
"I'm saying I'm not sure," said Oliver. "But I guess I'd ask you to also consider her when you hand out the roses tonight."
"Also consider another woman who is in love with you whom you may or may not have feelings for?" Hermione asked.
"What I'm saying is...if I'm not going to be the one at the end, don't keep me around. I need to sort out this Katie thing," said Oliver.
"So...I'm confused," said Hermione. "Correct me if I'm wrong. What I'm hearing is you're going to treat Katie like some consolation prize if I don't pick you. Is that correct?"
"Uhhhhhh," Oliver stammered. "No, of course not. Let me rephrase. I don't want to hurt her any longer than I have to."
"She's clearly already hurt, and you don't have to do anything. You're also not guaranteed to end up with either of us. But you might need to make a decision now whether or not you want to be with me," said Hermione.
"Of course I want to be with you!" Oliver exclaimed, flustered. "I wouldn't have come back after the Tom Riddle attack if that wasn't the case!"
"But now you're also thinking about another woman," said Hermione.
"Well, that's hardly my fault! I didn't Floo her out here! She came of her own accord!" Oliver said.
"Okay, okay, I see your point," said Hermione. "Hm, well, I guess I'll keep all that in mind."
"I'm really sorry, but, I felt like I had to tell you," said Oliver. "I've been out of whack all day."
"Right," said Hermione. "Well, let's go back and enjoy the luau!"
Back at the luau, Zach and Justin were dancing together while Harry watched. Hermione inserted herself between them, and Oliver caught up with Harry.
OLIVER CAM: "I'm really concerned that this Katie thing is going to cost me Hermione. I'm probably going to lose both my best friend and my girlfriend over this." He sighed.
Hermione spoke to both Zach and Justin alone before coming back to hand out the rose. She and the four men gathered around the a table. "Okay, everyone, today was in many ways a very strange and awkward date, but I actually ended up having a lot of fun. Thank you for reminding me that we don't need to be so serious all of the time. I'm giving this rose to someone who I'm really excited about the direction our relationship is going, and that person is Harry. Harry, will you accept this rose?"
"Absolutely," said Harry. "Thank you, Hermione."
Harry and Hermione walked hand-in-hand back to the resort while the other three men followed, fuming. Gilderoy stopped them when they returned.
"Hey, guys," said Gilderoy. "Can I borrow Hermione for a bit?"
"I suppose," said Harry.
Gilderoy pulled Hermione aside, leaving the four wondering. After about a minute, they returned. "Okay, gentlemen, if you'll just wait right here, I'll get Ron and Neville, and we'll be having our rose ceremony."
ZACH CAM: "We're going to have the rose ceremony now?! This show is a roller coaster of emotion, man!"
OLIVER CAM: "I've never been more nervous for a rose ceremony in my life."
"I know this is a shock," said Hermione. "It was a shock to me too. But seeing as I've already spent time with all of you today, and only three of you don't have roses yet, we're just going to get it over with."
Gilderoy returned with Ron and Neville and a plate of roses.
JUSTIN CAM: "And we had to go get Ron and Neville because...? Is Hermione going to take one of the roses back?"
"Thank you, everyone, for being willing to do this now. I honestly had an amazing week with you, so thank you. I'm becoming more confident that my husband is among you. The person I am letting go today is someone that I am just not confident is ready for the kind of commitment that marriage entails," said Hermione. She picked up the first rose. "Justin."
Justin grinned and stepped forward. "Justin, will you accept this rose?" Hermione asked.
"Every time," he said. He took his place beside Ron, Neville, and Harry.
Oliver and Zach shuffled anxiously back and forth, looking from Hermione to the final rose. Hermione picked it up and looked at them both. "Zach," she said.
Zach breathed a sigh of relief, and Oliver hung his head. "Zach will you accept this rose?" she asked.
"Absolutely," said Zach.
"Oliver, can I talk to you?" Hermione asked.
"Uh-huh," he said.
She took his arm and took him away from the other men. "Oliver, I want you to know, this was a really difficult decision for me," she said.
"It seemed like you made it pretty quickly," he said.
"I just felt like...if Katie's coming here was so distressing to you, that you were doubting our relationship," said Hermione. "And none of the other men have doubted us like that."
"Damn it!" Oliver exclaimed. "I can never do anything right!"
"Oliver, no. We had a great time. I enjoyed being with you so much. It just obviously isn't right right now," said Hermione.
Oliver had tears in his eyes. "Alright, Hermione. See you around."
"Yeah," said Hermione, going to hug him again, but he left before her arms reached him.