A/N: Thank you, everyone, for your kind words of encouragement! I was worried that people were going to forget this story (I definitely didn't, this chapter was just such a monster to write plus school starting up again really ate up my time), but it feels like the more time that passed, the MORE followers and reviews I got. I hope this chapter lives up to the hype. It's hometowns, ya'll! Enjoy.

After the rose ceremony, the planning team met to finalize the week ahead. "Interesting," said Rita. "We have five men left. Based on Hermione's projected course, we were planning for one more week before hometowns, but sending Dean home put us down a man."

"We've never had a five-man week before," said her underling. "How do we arrange this? Three dates and a two-on-one?"

"Well, it'll either be Zach or Justin going home," said another.

"We don't know that," said the first. "None of us thought either of them would make it this far. But that Katie incident really screwed things for Oliver."

"I got it!" Rita exclaimed. "We'll start with the two-on-one, which she'll undoubtedly pick Zach and Justin, and then we'll go immediately into hometowns."

"But the men have to arrange that with their families," said the underling. "Will there be enough time?"

"We'll make time!" Rita exclaimed. "I can't sit through an extra week of lovey-dovey! The drama's all done. Time to fast-track to the proposal so we can move on to the next season."

The men stepped out of the Floo, eagerly awaiting the location reveal. "OHHHHH YEAH!" Zach shouted when he stepped out. "Oh, wait, we're back in London."

"Huh," said Justin. "I guess we're having another quiet week, then. Hey, where are the others?" Zach and Justin looked behind them. Harry, Ron, and Neville had stepped into the Floo as well, but they weren't coming out. "Bloody hell, do you think they're lost?" asked Justin.

"I don't like this," said Zach. "Where's Gilderoy? Gilderoy is always here to greet us."

"On second thought, maybe we're the ones who are lost," said Justin.

Hermione came around the corner in a casual black dress. "Hey, guys," she said.

Zach yelped, then exhaled in relief when he saw her. "Hermione, bloody hell. What's going on?"

"Sit down," she said, gesturing to the white couch pit. The pit could fit about twenty people, and it felt silly sitting down just the three of them. The entire room felt incredibly empty, even with all of the camera men. "So, Zach, Justin, I've brought you here because the producers need us to move immediately into hometowns."

"Oh, all right!" Zach exclaimed. "I can't wait to tell Mum and Dad."

Hermione put her hand on Zach's shoulder. "I can only take one of you."

Justin sighed. "I had a bad feeling about this."

"So, we're having a little two-on-one date today," said Hermione. "At Stonehenge. It should be really cool. And then...I'll have to make a decision."

"And Harry, Ron, and Neville?" asked Justin.

"They've already been informed and are preparing for hometown dates," said Hermione.

"Got it," said Zach. "Okay then." He reached across to shake Justin's hand. "May the best man win."

Justin nodded politely.

JUSTIN CAM: "I don't know how I'm feeling about this. I'm kinda hurt that I wasn't fast-tracked through like the other three. And I have no clue where I stand in relation to Zach. My gut tells me I have the stronger relationship, but Zach has squeaked through so many times already. I really think I could be cut today."

HERMIONE CAM: "I hate that this is how it has to be. I wish I could have full dates with both of them, but on the other hand, that would just be postponing the inevitable. I guess we'll just rip off the band-aid."

They took a Portkey to Stonehenge. The attraction had been shut down, and a lunch had been set out for them. "Stonehenge," Justin said in awe. "The first wizard cemetery in the British Isles."

"I have ancestors here," said Zach. "Somewhere. At least, that's what my grandma always says, and she can be a little cuckoo."

"No way," said Hermione. "That's awesome, if it's true, you know."

Zach sat down and popped the bottle of champagne. "To my nameless relatives!"

"You know, we probably all have some ancestor here if you think about it," said Justin. "Even if we're muggle born. We had to come from somewhere down the line."

"Kinda makes this feel like this is an inappropriate place to have a date," said Hermione.

"Well, let's be real here," said Zach. "This isn't a date. This is more like a death match."

Hermione and Justin laughed. It was strangely true. "Well, in that case, this is an incredibly appropriate location," said Justin.

They sat down and ate together. "Thank you," Hermione said.

"For what?" asked Justin.

"For being so cool about this," said Hermione. "Two-on-ones are supposed to be so cold and awkward. But this is actually fun."

"It's still awkward for me," said Justin, "but I know what you mean."

"To be fair, the bar for two-on-ones has been set pretty low with you," said Zach.

Justin kicked him under the table, but Hermione laughed again. "I had the worst two-on-one in the history of two-on-ones. But this is kinda the best."

JUSTIN CAM: "How charming! Hermione is having an amazing time deciding which of us to send home!"

"I just figure," said Zach, "if this is the last time we're going to be together, we should make the best of it."

"Cheers to that," said Hermione. "Gods, this is weird. It's depressing and morbid and awesome all at the same time."

"Well, let's keep this party rolling," said Justin. "Hermione, would you like to come with me?"

"Sure," said Hermione. She took his arm, waved tentatively to Zach, and walked with Justin a safe distance from the structure. "So," said Hermione, "I know we've talked about your family before. They're very different from mine."

"Why's that now?" asked Justin.

"Well, you know," said Hermione. "You come from considerably more money than I do."

"That's really nothing to me," said Justin. "You know that."

"I know, but I'm just warning you," said Hermione. "If I go to your hometown, I'm going to be a huge dork."

"Stop it," Justin laughed. "We're no different than anyone else. Really. You don't have to follow any special etiquette or anything."

"But they do have a butler," said Hermione.

"Oh yes," said Justin, "but Sheldon is like one of the family. Don't worry, Hermione. You're going to fit in great. They're going to absolutely love you. Hermione, I feel like we've been drifting apart, and I really don't want that to happen."

"Me neither," said Hermione. "You've been a standout to me for a long time."

"Really?" asked Justin.

"Of course," said Hermione. "You're sweet, and kind, and loyal, and everything I could want in a husband."

"Why do I feel like there's a 'but' coming?" said Justin.

"There isn't," said Hermione. "But…"

"You just said it!"

"Well, I'm sorry. You are right that we've been drifting apart. And I'm going to be 100% honest with you. It's because...the three that are already preparing for hometowns have expressed in no uncertain terms how they feel about me. And I was really hoping to hear similar words from you at the luau, and I didn't," said Hermione. "And I'll be honest. I was hurt."

"Oh, wow," said Justin. "I certainly didn't mean to hurt you."

"I know you didn't," said Hermione. "You had no idea. But it's hard, you know, when you like someone so much and you're not sure if they're feeling the same thing about you."

Justin blushed. "Well, I am sorry if I've not been upfront enough with you. It's very hard for me. My parents got divorced, and it messed with me kinda. I told myself I wouldn't marry anyone unless I knew 100% that it was right. That I wouldn't say those three words unless I knew for sure it was going to be forever. Because I mean it, Hermione. When I get married, it will be forever."

"And that's wonderful," said Hermione. "I love that you're still open to love even after seeing how it can fail. But tell me, Justin. Do you really think I could be that girl for you?"

"Absolutely," he said, drawing her in for a gentle kiss.

Hermione and Justin returned, and Zach stood up, ready for his turn. Justin sat down and resumed drinking his glass of brut rose, and Zach took Hermione's hand and lead her in the opposite direction.

"Hermione, Hermione, Hermione," Zach said as they strolled along the countryside.

"Zach, Zach, Zach," Hermione repeated. "What am I going to do with you?"

"I was just reflecting," said Zach, "on how amazed I am that I'm still here."

Hermione threw her head back and laughed. "What can I say?" Hermione asked. "I like you."

"Well, I like you too," said Zach. "In fact, I think I might love you."

"Oh, you love me?" Hermione repeated to ensure she had heard correctly.

"I feel like I'm right on the cusp," said Zach, "of falling madly in love with you."

"Oh, wow," said Hermione. "I don't know what to say. I'm flattered."

"So," said Zach awkwardly.

"So," said Hermione.

Zach pulled her in for a kiss.

HERMIONE CAM: "This decision just got exponentially harder. I feel more compatible with Justin, but Zach has expressed in no uncertain terms how he feels. I could see myself going to either of their hometowns. They're both just such good guys. I don't want to break one of their hearts." She started to cry softly. "I just don't know. I really don't." She reached into her bag and pulled out a phone. "I need to use a phone-a-friend on this one."

Luna was scanning her house for Nargles when Hermione called. "Hermione!" she exclaimed. "What's going on? Are you okay?"

Hermione sniffed. "I need help, Luna. I don't know what to do. I have to pick between two guys right now to take to hometowns, and I don't know who."

"Okay, okay, um, who do you like better?" Luna asked.

"Well, if I knew that, I wouldn't be calling you!" Hermione snapped.

"Right, right," said Luna. "So you feel like you like them both equally."

"I like them differently, but I don't think one is necessarily better than the other," said Hermione. "The first guy is everything I'd ever wanted in a husband. And it's been kinda slow, but a very easy, dare I say satisfying progression of our relationship. I know we could be a great couple, but my concern is that he's not going to get there fast enough."

"Right," said Luna. "Because if you're at hometowns, then engagements are right around the corner!"

"Yes!" said Hermione. "Engagement, singular, Luna. I only want one engagement. He's the only guy who hasn't said he loves me or is falling in love with me."

"That's problematic," said Luna.

"But the second guy," said Hermione, "is completely different. I liked him, but on the surface, I wasn't sure that we were compatible. It's kind of an opposites attract scenario. He has grown on me so much over these weeks, and he has actually helped me through some really stressful times. Today, he said he is falling madly in love with me."

"Hermione! That's so exciting!" exclaimed Luna.

"It is! I'm blushing," said Hermione. "But it makes this decision that much harder."

"Right," said Luna. "Sounds like you were hoping for that kind of declaration from the other guy more."

"I was," said Hermione. "So I feel stuck. I don't think I can wait around for guy #1 any more."

"I mean, I don't want to make your decision for you, but," Luna said. "Remember when I was in love with that punk rock chick?"

"Oh my goodness, yes," said Hermione. "We all knew she was stringing you along, but you just kept holding out for her to reciprocate."

"Exactly. Like I said, I don't want to make your decision for you, but I feel like this situation with guy #1 is similar. You are looking for someone to get engaged to. You don't want to always be wondering if he is as into you as you are him. It really sounds like he's not," said Luna.

"But," said Hermione.

"Do what you want," said Luna. "But guy #2 sounds pretty awesome. Maybe if you get rid of #1, you'll be able to see him better."

"Interesting," said Hermione. "I didn't realize this had become such a problem until now. Okay. Thanks, Luna."

"No problem. See you and your betrothed soon!"

Hermione giggled and hung up. She knew what she had to do.

"Justin," Hermione said firmly when she returned. "I need to talk to you again."

"Uhhh...okay," said Justin. He raised his eyebrows at Zach, and Zach made a scared face.

ZACH CAM: "Hermione has been gone for a really long time, and her tone doesn't sound good. I felt like our conversation went really well. What the heck did Justin say to her? That guy wouldn't hurt a Pygmy puff. What the heck is happening?" Zach reached down and cracked open a beer. "I feel like the rose is going to wilt before Hermione makes a decision."

When they were out of the way, Hermione took Justin's hands and looked him directly in the eyes. "Justin," she repeated, "I can't give you a rose today if you don't tell me with great certainty what you feel for me."

"Huh? Hermione, I did tell you," said Justin. "Where is this coming from?"

"You said you think I could be the girl for you," said Hermione.

"Correct," said Justin. "I don't see how that's the problem."

"I feel like that's something you say about someone you went on one or two dates with," said Hermione. "Not someone you're potentially going to get engaged to."

Justin stammered. "I...there's still time. You know I need more time."

Hermione sighed. "Look, Justin. I have four guys who are dying for me to meet their families. And then I have you. Someone who I have had a huge crush on throughout this entire process. But I still feel like it's just a crush. I can't move beyond this weird schoolgirl feeling if you don't give me anything more."

"I don't know what else you want me to give you! If you want me to say the L-word, you know I can't just yet! But if you give me the rose, which you clearly want to do, then I'll see if I get there!"

Hermione sighed deeper. "Okay," she said.

"Alright?" Justin asked. Hermione turned abruptly back to Stonehenge. "Hermione?!" Justin called, trailing her.

Hermione plopped down beside Zach and picked up the rose. "I've made my decision," she said.

"Wait for me," Justin said, panting. He sat down.

Hermione glanced at him coldly and picked up the rose. "Zach," she said. "Will you accept this rose?"

"YES!" he cried, throwing his arms around her and giving her a huge kiss.

"Oh, come on!" Justin said. "Is that actually what you want?"

"Bro," said Zach. "I'm sorry. You're a good man. You'll find someone."

"I can't believe this is happening," said Justin.

"Justin, I'm sorry," said Hermione. "What we had just obviously wasn't as strong."

"Well, I'm sorry I don't jump on you every time I see you," said Justin.

"Your loss, man," said Zach. "Hermione deserves to be showered with affection. If you can't see that, then, I'm sorry." He put his arm around her and kissed her on the cheek.

Then Justin actually smiled. He extended his hand to Zach. "Well, it's been nice getting to know you, man."

"You too," said Zach.

Justin nodded to Hermione and waved tentatively before departing.

JUSTIN CAM: "I hope that one day I look at a woman the way Zach looks at Hermione. He's right. She deserves it. I'm not sure that they'll get married, but, they're obviously happy together. I think I have a lot of soul searching to do before I'll be able to have what they have."

"SIRIUS!" Harry shouted, bursting through the fireplace.

Sirius was lying in his boxers eating Bertie Botts Every Flavor Beans and drinking Butterbeer. Harry's abrupt appearance caused him to spill them both. "Merlin's beard, Harry! What's wrong? Are you in any trouble?" He grabbed his wand and stood up at the ready.

"Oh, no, sorry," said Harry.

Sirius dropped his wand. "Well, then, what the bloody hell is this?"

"Hometowns," Harry said. "Hermione Granger. I'm in the final four."

Sirius's jaw dropped. He sat back down. "You've got yourself a girlfriend?" he asked.

Harry grinned. "Yeah," he answered.

"And she wants to..."

"Meet my family," said Harry. He gestured to Sirius and raised his eyebrows.

"Well, then," said Sirius. "I guess we better get the family together."

HERMIONE CAM: "Today is my hometown date with Harry, and I have no idea what to expect. Harry doesn't have a traditional family. I know I'm going to meet his godfather, who he thinks the absolute world of. I know that I will not be meeting his muggle family, which is fine by me! Otherwise I'm not sure what he has in store for me. I'm excited and nervous."

The pegasus-drawn carriage dropped Hermione off at Godric's Hollow. Harry was eagerly awaiting her.

HARRY CAM: "I have brought very few girls where I'm bringing Hermione today, and I feel completely confident in bringing her into my inner circle. I do not have a traditional family, but I wouldn't trade what I have for the world. I know they're going to love Hermione, and I think she's going to fit right in."

Harry and Hermione embraced warmly and kissed. "Welcome to Godric's Hollow," said Harry.

"It is so cute!" Hermione gushed. "And my goodness, the wizards who have lived here! Who still live here! Which one is...?"

"My house is right over there," said Harry, pointing to one of the more modest houses.

"Right," said Hermione, still looking around.

HERMIONE CAM: "I was looking for Dumbledore's house."

"Would you like to come in?" Harry asked.

"Let's do it," said Hermione.

Harry and Hermione walked arm-in-arm through the village.

HERMIONE CAM: "I haven't set foot in Harry's house, but I love this place. I could definitely see myself living here. What witch wouldn't want to live in Godric's Hollow? It's just perfect!"

They entered Harry's house, and Hermione started to laugh.

"What's wrong?" Harry asked.

"It's so...it reminds me of the house I grew up in," Hermione said.

"Really?" asked Harry.

"Yeah, it's...muggley," said Hermione.

Harry laughed. "I get that a lot," he said. "Cheeto?"

"Please!" Hermione exclaimed, reaching into the orange bag. She looked around.

"You're not meeting anyone here," said Harry. "We're going to ****************."

"What's that now?" Hermione asked.

"It's where my godfather lives," said Harry. He looked at the cameraman. "You're going to edit that, right?"

"Yes, sir," said the cameraman.

"Wait, what's going on?" Hermione asked.

"Hermione, I'm taking you to meet the Order of the Phoenix," said Harry. "The location is secret."

"Oh, wow!" Hermione exclaimed. "I expected I'd meet your godfather, but...who, exactly, else am I meeting?"

"Let's see. Remus Lupin, he was also my dad's friend. Minerva McGonagall, Albus Dumbledore..."

Hermione choked on a Cheeto. "ALBUS DUMBLEDORE?!"

"Yeah," said Harry, as if that was the most normal thing in the world.

HERMIONE CAM: "Harry is really overdoing it on this hometown date."

"What's wrong, Hermione? You look pale," said Harry.

"I'm just...a little intimidated, is all," said Hermione.

"Oh, I'm sorry," said Harry. "I just wanted to have something resembling a family to introduce you to."

"No, it's fine," said Hermione. "Just very overwhelming. I'm glad I asked in any case."

"It's weird, but, they really are my family," said Harry. "They were the first people that made me feel loved."

Hermione smiled. "I can't wait to meet them."

They sat down on the couch together and kissed some more.

HERMIONE CAM: "Harry is being so vulnerable with me right now. I can see how much this all means to him and how carefully he planned it."

Hermione found a picture on the mantle of what she originally thought was Harry and another girl.

"Oh, who is this?" she asked, half teasing, half actually curious.

"My mum and dad," said Harry.

Hermione gasped and brought the picture closer to her face. "Oh wow! I thought that was you! Oh, that is spooky," she said. "You look. EXACTLY. Like your dad!"

"Haha, yeah, I've heard-"

"Oh, except your eyes. You've got-"

"My mum's eyes, yes, I've heard that too."

Hermione giggled. "I'm sorry. But wow. Just wow, Harry. Thank you for bringing me here."

"Before we go to *******************, I want to show you one more thing," said Harry. "Come on."

They left Harry's house and walked to the graveyard. They weren't far from the house when Harry stopped. Hermione caught her breath when she saw where they were. The gravestone in front of them read "IN LOVING MEMORY OF JAMES POTTER * LILY POTTER. THE LAST ENEMY THAT SHALL BE DESTROYED IS DEATH."

"Hey, Mum, Dad," said Harry, "this is Hermione. And I am totally and completely crazy about her. I might even love her."

Hermione clapped her hands over her face to try to stop the tears, but they started flowing. Harry had tears in his eyes too, and he stood up and embraced her.

HARRY CAM: "I knew I had to take Hermione to my parents' grave. I just couldn't call this a 'hometown date' if I didn't introduce her to my parents. I knew it wouldn't be fun, but Hermione is being really great about it."

"Come on," Harry whispered. "Let's go have some fun."

Ron apparated into the Burrow. "HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I SAID TO PLEASE USE THE STAIRS?!" Molly Weasley shouted.

"Mum?" Ron said.

The dishes Molly was washing fell to the floor. "RONALD!" she shrieked, stepping over the broken porcelain to embrace him. "Oh, Ronald, I'm so sorry! Oh, you'll find someone, I know-"

"I'm bringing her home," Ron said.

Molly clutched Ron by the shoulders and stared into his eyes. "Say that again?"

"I'm bringing her home," Ron repeated. "Hermione. I got a hometown."

"ARTHUR!" Molly shrieked. "WE'VE GOT ANOTHER ONE! RONALD IS BRINGING THE BACHELORETTE HOME!"

Arthur Weasley stomped down the creaky steps. "Another one?!"

Molly grabbed her husband and kissed him. "Our boys are studs!"

"Ew, Mum, no," said Ron.

"Now, Astoria is high class! We've gotta get this place cleaned!" Molly declared.

"It's not Astoria! Astoria is in the hospital! It's Hermione!" Ron protested. "Blimey, Mum, haven't you been following the news?"

"Oh, Ron, you know how I love to be surprised!" Molly said.

"She put a censor charm on all knowledge about the show," Arthur explained.

"But wait! She knows about...the incident, right?" Ron asked.

Arthur looked at Molly. "I'm not sure," he said honestly.

"DAD!" Ron cried.

"Don't worry, don't worry, son, we'll get her caught up," said Arthur. "Congratulations, son!"

Harry and Hermione took a Portkey to Number 12 Grimmauld Place.

"HARRY!" cried the assembly of wizards within. Harry's jaw dropped. Sirius clapped his hand on Harry's back, a Butterbeer in the other.

"Hiya, Harry!" Sirius exclaimed.

"Sirus...why is everybody here?" asked Harry.

"What do you mean?" Sirius asked. "You said to assemble the family."

"Yeah, but, everybody?" asked Harry. "I thought it'd just be, you know, the greatest hits. Remus, maybe Minerva and Dumbledore, not..."

Mad-Eye Moody had approached Hermione. "I hear you're the brightest witch of your age," said Moody.

"Erm, yes," said Hermione uncomfortably. "Harry?"

"I'm sorry, Hermione," said Harry. He took her hand and walked her to the head of the table. "Everybody, this is Hermione Granger!"

"Hooray!" they shouted, raising their glasses.

Mundungus Fletcher took her hand and placed a goblet of Butterbeer in it. "Oh, thank you," said Hermione.

He winked at Harry. "Very pretty, Harry!"

"Oh, thank you," said Hermione.

"FILTH! SCUM! TRAITORS! DIRTY M**B****S, HOW DARE THEY INVITE THIS HUSSY INTO THE NOBLE HOUSE OF BLACK! MAY THE DARK LORD STRIKE YOU ALL DOWN IN YOUR SLEEP!" shouted Walburga.

"Oh, Merlin's beard, shut her up!" Harry pleaded.

"I'm on it!" said Sirius. "NIGHTY-NIGHT, YOU OLD HAG!" he shouted at the picture before placing a silencing charm on her.

Walburga uttered a mighty "WH*******RE!" before being silenced.

Hermione laughed uncomfortably. "We can't removed the picture," Harry explained.

"I see," said Hermione. "She's intense. So this used to be..."

"The Blacks' house, yeah," said Harry.

"Very sorry about that there, Hermione," said Sirius. "Ladies and gentlemen, where are our manners? Let's get Hermione a seat, shall we?"

"Over here, dear," said Minerva McGonagall, pulling out a chair. "Harry?"

"Oh, yes, of course," said Harry. He shuffled over and held the chair out for Hermione, who sat graciously.

"Let me propose a toast," said Dumbledore, "to Harry and Hermione."

"To Harry and Hermione," the Order repeated.

Arabella Figg took her fork and started clinking it against the glass. "Oh, no, dear," said Minerva, "this isn't a wedding."

"I'll play along," said Hermione. She turned Harry's face towards her and kissed him.

Gasps of "awwwwwwww" and "oooooooooh" echoed throughout the room.

Kreacher entered carrying a platter of food. "May the Dark Lord strike you all down in your sleep," he said as he levitated the rolls and salads onto the table.

"Oh, my," said Hermione. "I wonder where he learned that one from?"

"Yeah, sorry," said Harry.

Sirius sighed. "Keep your mouth shut, Kreacher. So, Hermione, I'll ask the questions on everyone's minds. Why Harry?"

Hermione smiled and took Harry's hand. "I mean, Harry and I have been through a lot together."

"That's an understatement," said Harry.

"But let's not talk about all that," said Hermione. "I guess what drew me to Harry was...his confidence. But also humbleness. Like, he's confident, but he's not an asshole about it. And very knowledgeable about Defense Against the Dark Arts."

"Our first one-on-one date was in Diagon Alley," said Harry. "We had quite an experience with a weird fortune teller."

"Oh, my gods, I almost forgot about her," said Hermione.

"How could you forget her? She told me I was going to die, and...oh my gods, she was almost right!" Harry said.

Hermione's eyes bulged. "Okay, I'm officially freaked out now."

"A fortune teller being almost right? Fancy that," said Remus with a twinkle in his eye.

"So yeah, we've been through some weird things together," said Hermione. "But I feel like it's all drawn us closer."

"Definitely," said Harry.

After dinner, Sirius and Remus pulled Harry aside. Hermione continued talking to the Order when Minerva said, "Hermione, dear, why don't we take a little walk as well?"

"Oh, okay," said Hermione, who was really hoping to continue her discussion with Dumbledore on the most influential wizards in history. But Dumbledore volunteered to come along as well.

HERMIONE CAM: "I see what's happening. Sirius and Remus are like Harry's parents, and Minerva and Dumbledore are the grandparents. It's cute."

"I'm sorry, dear," McGonagall began. "I know this must be very overwhelming. I told Sirius it was a bad idea, but he insisted."

"It's fine," said Hermione. "I'm actually having a really good time."

"Good," said McGonagall. "I know it is not very traditional, but it is all Harry has known."

"I understand," said Hermione. "I actually felt like, from talking to him, that I already knew all of you, and seeing you in the flesh is very surreal. Especially, you, Mr. Dumbledore."

"Oh, please, Hermione, call me Albus," said Dumbledore.

Hermione squealed internally. "Albus," she said.

"Well, Hermione, I am going to be frank with you," said McGonagall. "I am very concerned for Harry."

"Oh, right," said Hermione. "He actually almost left because he was worried about the Dark Lord attacking again, and me getting hurt. But I said-"

"Oh, goodness, dear, not that! We can control that," said McGonagall with a wave of her hand. "I mean you, dear. Mr. Potter is obviously quite smitten. But there are, I understand, three other gentlemen?"

McGonagall's sweet grandmother demeanor had shifted in an instant, and she peered at Hermione over her bifocals with an icy stare. Hermione stumbled. "Oh, uhh, yes, three others."

"I see," said McGonagall curtly. "Seems hardly fair to me that you get to date around while the gentlemen only have one option."

"Minerva, please," said Dumbledore. "The show is complicated, yes, but if played right, real love can come of it."

"In nine weeks? I don't buy it," said Minerva.

"When it's right, it's right," Dumbledore retorted. "Miss Granger, I do hope that in this process, you are following your heart, yes?"

"Oh, absolutely," said Hermione. "But, I will say, the heart sometimes can be fickle. So if my mind tells me something isn't right, then I take that into consideration."

"Smart girl," said McGonagall. "If I may ask, are there any other Gryffindors left?"

"Hm?"

"Minerva, stop," said Dumbledore. "Spoilers!"

"I'm not going to watch this nonsense back, Albus," said McGonagall. "I must know what our Harry is up against. It is my institution, after all."

"There's actually been a joke that I favor Gryffindors. I don't do it on purpose. There are two other Gryffindors and a Hufflepuff."

McGonagall smiled. "You have excellent taste, Hermione."

"It's Ron Weasley and Neville Longbottom," said Hermione.

"AHHH LA LA LA LA LA," Dumbledore cried, clapping his hands to his ears.

"Really? Now that surprises me. They are very different from Harry," said McGonagall.

"Yes, I know," said Hermione. "I have a tough decision ahead of me, and I'm not looking forward to it."

"Oh, dear, our Harry, as you know, is strong," said Minerva.

"Absolutely," said Hermione.

"But if you'd ask me, I think that of the three, Harry is the most emotionally vulnerable," said McGonagall.

"Really?" Hermione asked.

"Yes," said McGonagall. "Longbottom is strong as a rock within."

"I'm aware, even if he isn't," said Hermione.

"And Ronald has such an outgoing personality, he will bounce back easily. But Harry...he projects confidence, but he has had a rough life. I think that if you broke up with him, he would take it very hard," said McGonagall. "So if you have any doubts about your feelings for him, then best let him go sooner rather than later, understand? Do not take him to the end if you will not choose him."

"Uh-huh," said Hermione. "Unfortunately I'm still in the dark as to who I will choose. But I will keep that in mind. Thank you."

"Hermione, dear," said Dumbledore, taking her hand. "I'd like to propose something slightly different. While Minerva makes some very good points, I hope you will remember, at the end of the day, this is about you."

"Oh," said Hermione, taken aback.

"Albus, what are you saying?" McGonagall asked.

"You must do what you need to do to make the best decision possible for you," said Dumbledore. "Does that sound selfish? Good. It is selfish. In selecting a mate, you cannot cut corners. Leave no stone unturned. Dig deeply and even uncomfortably into who these men are, because that is the only way you will know," said Dumbledore.

"Oh, I get it," said Hermione. "Right, thank you. Selfish, that's kind of a new take."

"I'm not done," said Dumbledore. "This is a selfish process, but the one you ultimately choose, must be the one that you can give yourself selflessly too. If you cannot do that, your marriage will not succeed."

Hermione smiled. "A paradox, but it makes sense. Okay, thank you."

"Okay, I think we've tortured her enough," said Minerva. "Where is Potter?"

Potter was smoking a cigar with Sirius and Remus. Hermione wondered what they had been discussing, because it seemed much less intense than her conversation had been.

"Hey, you're wanted in the other room," said Hermione.

"Okay," said Harry. "I hope they weren't too hard on you."

"They were, but, it was a good hard," said Hermione.

"Okay," said Harry. "Here goes nothing."

Harry left the bedroom, and Sirius patted the bed beside him, while Remus was leaning against the wall. Hermione sat down.

"I'm going to be honest," said Sirius. "This whole thing surprises me a great deal. Not that you would pick him-"

"Well, that's also a little surprising," said Remus.

"I mean, the fact that Harry applied at all!" Sirius exclaimed. "He's so unpracticed with courting girls, and then he decides to go on a show where his skills are literally tested against twenty-five other men? I didn't even realize he was looking for a wife."

"Really? He said he was lonely," said Hermione.

"Look around, Sirius," said Remus. "His best friends are all out there, and they're all old and weird. Of course he was looking for someone. And he hit a goldmine with you, Hermione!"

"Moony, don't creep her out," said Sirius.

"I'm not trying to be creepy! It's a compliment! Hermione, you are the best thing that's happened to Harry. I truly believe that," said Remus.

"Oh, wow, thank you," said Hermione.

"I hope Minerva didn't grill you too hard," said Sirius.

"Well," Hermione started, "I understand where she's coming from. I was pretty skeptical about this show myself in the beginning."

"There's no formula for love," said Remus. "And I hope you find it. With or without Harry."

"But we do sincerely hope with Harry," said Sirius. "I reckon he likes you more than he's let on."

"He's already let on quite a bit," said Hermione.

"Really?" asked Sirius. "Well, good. We'd love to have you back, Hermione."

"I'd love to come back," said Hermione.

"Are you sure?" asked Sirius.

"Really," said Hermione.

She hugged Sirius and Remus, then said goodbye to the rest of the Order before taking the Portkey back to Godric's Hollow. They poofed back into Harry's living room.

"So," Harry said. "What did you think?"

"They're wonderful, Harry," said Hermione.

HERMIONE CAM: "I thought I understood Harry, but seeing him here and meeting his 'family' opened my eyes to a whole new side of him. I really had to go there to understand it. Harry is not a simple person, but I love that about him."

"They really like you," said Harry.

The crewman held up a sign that said, "SAY GOODBYE."

Hermione sighed. She didn't want to say goodbye, but she did as she was told. She had another hometown date tomorrow.

The next day the pegasus-drawn carriage took Hermione to Devonshire. She met Ron by a lighthouse.

"Hermione! Welcome to my home!" Ron cried.

Hermione laughed. "It's cute!"

They hugged and kissed. "So, this is Devonshire," he said.

"Very nice," said Hermione.

"It's alright," said Ron, "if you like coastal beaches. And sheep."

"I do," laughed Hermione.

"Are you hungry?" asked Ron.

"Sure," said Hermione.

"Cool," said Ron. "Let's go to the spot."

Ron took her arm, and they appareated to a coastal town. A white building near them said, "The Wizard Brewing Company."

"Oh," said Hermione. She walked towards the front door, but Ron pulled her away.

"We've got a special entrance," said Ron with a wink.

Ron lead Hermione around the back and into a grove of trees. In the center was a stump with a wizard carved into the top. He tapped the wizard with his wand, and it glowed. The stump sank into the ground and formed the first steps downward into a tunnel. "After you, mi'lady," said Ron.

"Pleasure," said Hermione.

At the end of the tunnel was a lively wizarding tavern with a Celtic woods theme. Two tall, red-haired wizards gave a shout when Ron and Hermione entered.

"LOVERBOY!" they cried simultaneously.

"Oh my," Hermione whispered.

"I'll take it," said Ron. "Their name for Bill was 'Man Whore.' HEY GUYS!"

Fred and George each had a pint of beer in hand and flanked Ron and Hermione on either side. "Gonna introduce us to your lady friend?" asked Fred.

"Of course," said Ron. "Hermione, these are two of my brothers, Fred and George."

"Oh, the twins," said Hermione.

"No, we're not twins," said George.

"Wait until you see them! I can't even tell them apart!" said Fred.

Hermione threw her head back and laughed. "Oh, this is going to be fun."

"Fleur fell for that," said George. "Fred, we're going to have to up our game. This one is way too smart."

"Gosh, you're right," said Fred. "What the heck are you doing with this dunce?" He rapped Ron a little less than lightly on the head.

"So, when Bill brought his women over, they were a little overwhelmed by all of us, so I decided to break it up a bit," said Ron.

"Good thinking," said Hermione, planting a kiss on his cheek.

"Ahh, is that all you've got?" asked George.

"Piss off," said Ron, pushing through the two of them to the bar.

FRED CAM: "Bill had already seen three of the women naked by the time hometowns came around."

GEORGE CAM: "I don't think Ron has seen so much as side boob."

FRED CAM: "George and I are the first line of defense here."

GEORGE CAM: "We need to make sure Hermione is good enough for Ron."

FRED CAM: "Now we think that Ron is not good enough for her."

GEORGE CAM: "So we need to make sure that Ron looks as good as possible on this hometown."

FRED CAM: "Or terrible, so that she can move on to bigger and better things."

GEORGE CAM: "There are a few things we need to know before we come to a decision."

They sat down at the bar with Fred and George and a basket of chips. Fred asked, "So, really, what do you like about Ron here?"

"Well," said Hermione, setting down her beer, "Ron was actually one of the guys who made me feel the most comfortable from day one."

"Really?" asked George. "So he wasn't awkward as hell?"

"Oh, he totally was," said Hermione. "But so was I. So it worked out, and I asked him on a first-week one-on-one date."

"Which bloody scared the crap out of me!" Ron quipped. "This one took me to ride a Hippogriff!"

"Well, that sounds wicked," said Fred.

"Wicked SCARY!" Ron squealed.

"Hermione, you're really telling me this is the best you've got?" George asked, motioning towards Ron.

"Okay, he may be afraid of Hippogriffs, but he was not afraid of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named," said Hermione. "He lead the charge into my cottage."

Fred and George both put down their drinks and gave Ron a sly look and said, "Oh?"

"You need to stop telling people that," said Ron.

"They're all going to see it," said Hermione.

"So you're telling us Ron is a secret badass?" asked Fred.

"Yep," said Hermione.

"Maybe he could take care of the ghoul in the attic," said George.

"Not a chance," said Ron. "I'm no Gilderoy Lockhart."

"Yeah, hey, didn't he tell Mum he would come over and get rid of it?" asked Fred.

"Psh, that bloke is far too busy sexing up Bill's rejects," said George.

"Yeah, you know, I saw him on a pixie-catching task, and he was really underwhelming," said Hermione. "I'll find you guys someone for the ghoul."

"I kinda don't want to get rid of the ghoul," said Fred. "Adds character to the house."

"Trust me, our house has plenty of character," said Ron.

They finished their drinks and apparated to the Burrow. Hermione smiled broadly when she saw it. She remembered when they'd seen the Burrow and the Weasley family watching Bill's season, and all the girls had agreed they'd love to be a part of this family. After many sounds of scrambling from within, the doors opened. Molly rushed out to greet them.

"Hello! Hello! Hello!" Molly repeated, taking each of her boys in her arms and planting kisses on their cheeks. Then, she embraced Hermione. "Welcome! Oh my goodness, you are beautiful!"

"Thank you," said Hermione politely.

"Well, Ron, what are you waiting for? Show her in, show her in!" Molly exclaimed.

"Well, you were kinda blocking the entrance," Ron muttered, but he took Hermione's hand and lead her inside. The rest of the Weasley family was gathered around a long table that was already set for dinner. They stood up to greet Hermione one-by-one: Arthur, Charlie, Percy and Audrey, Ginny, Angelina, and Bill and Fleur. They sat down for dinner, and Ron and Hermione repeated their meeting story.

"I was so surprised when Ron told us you were coming!" Molly gushed.

"Gee, thanks, Mum. Glad to know you had so much faith in me," said Ron.

"Oh no, dear, that's now what I meant. I just thought, it would be unlikely we'd be blessed twice," said Molly.

"Weasleys are known for having dreadfully bad luck," said Arthur. "But no more, eh?"

"So, Hermione, can you tell me about Harry Potter?" Ginny asked.

"Ginny!" Ron protested. "This is my day. Mine!"

"Well, if she's not using him anymore, why can't I-"

"Uhhh, I think I ought to stop you right there," said Hermione. "I mean, if things don't work out, or, ummm, oh, nevermind!"

Ginny's eyes widened, and the air seemed to drain from the room. "Harry Potter is one of the other guys?" Molly clarified.

"Uh, yeah," said Hermione. "But I don't want to talk about him now! This is Ron's day! I want to know all about Ron's childhood."

"Ohhhh, Hermione, I thought you'd never ask!" Percy exclaimed gleefully.

"Yay! It's family photo time!" Molly squealed.

Ron rolled his eyes so hard, his head fell backward against his chair. "Dammit, Hermione!"

"Sorry, Ron, I had to!" Hermione laughed.

"Sorry, Ron," Bill repeated. The highlight of Bill's hometown dates had definitely been Molly's elaborately embarrassing family picture show.

"Ron?" asked Fleur. "Vhy don't ve go avay and talk avile?"

"Hm?" Ron replied. He looked at Bill, who nodded. Of course, nobody knew what Ron must be going through currently more than Fleur. "Oh, yeah, okay."

Ron and Fleur went out the front door while everyone else gathered around the big screen for family pictures. Twilight was just beginning to set in. Gnomes were stirring in the garden.

"Ron, you are in love," said Fleur.

"Huh?" asked Ron. "Says who?"

"I can tell by ze vay you look at 'er," said Fleur, "and 'ow defensive you got ven 'arry vas mentioned. You are in love, and you vorry you vill lose 'er. I remember zis part of the journey vell. It vas torture for me to know zat Bill vas vith anozer girl."

"Yeah, it is," said Ron.

"I 'ave a couple of words of advice to you," said Fleur. "First, do you still talk to ze ozer guys?"

"Yeah," said Ron. "Harry is my best friend."

"Oh, zat is not good," said Fleur. "You vill not be friends after zis if one or ze ozer of you is chosen."

"I have thought about that," said Ron.

"You must not talk to ze ozers," said Fleur. "You must act as zough zey do not exist."

"So become a hermit and go into denial," said Ron. "Easy enough."

Fleur laughed. "It is more true zan I'd like to admit. But I did my best to cut ties vith ze ozer girls temporarily during zis time, and it served me vell. I vas able to act as zo it vas only me and Bill, and zat 'elped Bill see me as someone 'e could spend ze rest of 'is life vith. And, I can still talk to ze ozer girls now because we were not in a constant state of competition. Zere is not as much bad blood."

"Okay," said Ron.

"I'm not saying it vill definitely vork, but it may 'elp," said Fleur. "Now, 'ave you told 'ermione zat you love 'er?"

"Yes," said Ron. "A couple of weeks ago, actually."

"Oh, vow! Zat is early," said Fleur.

"I know," said Ron. "But I couldn't keep it in. I kept thinking I could be let go, and she wouldn't know, you know?"

"Yes," said Fleur with a smile. "I vas not zo bold. You are smarter than you look, Ron."

"Well, thank you," said Ron.

"I do not know these ozer guys, but, I would venture to say you were the first to say it," said Fleur.

"I wasn't, actually!" Ron said. "The first one freaked her out and got sent home."

"Ah," said Fleur. "So she vas 'appy to 'ear it from you. Very good. I don't vant to get your 'opes up too 'igh, but I zink you 'ave very good chances."

"Did Bill ever say it back to you on the show?" Ron asked.

"Vat, you are saying you did not vatch it?" Fleur teased.

"Refresh my memory," said Ron. "It's starting to really bother me. Like I give and give and don't get anything in return."

"No, Bill did not say it. But looking back, 'e 'ad ozer vays of showing me 'ow 'e felt," said Fleur.

Ron considered. "Well, I never thought we'd get this far. So that's something."

"Yes. Do not lose faiz in 'er. She is 'aving a very 'ard time and is under a lot of pressure," said Fleur.

"Right. I keep reminding myself that. I can't wait to get past this part," said Ron.

"I 'ope you find ze 'appiness I 'ave with Bill," said Fleur.

"Me too," said Ron with a deep breath. "Me too."

Ron and Fleur came back inside as the embarrassing pictures were ending. Bill nodded to Fleur and tapped Hermione lightly on the shoulder. "Want to chat a bit?" Bill asked.

"Sure," said Hermione. They went out the back door and sat on a bench facing the rolling meadows. The sun was nearly set. "It's so beautiful," said Hermione.

"We joke about being a cursed family, but yeah, we had it pretty good," said Bill. "I have yet to meet a family as loyal and generous as this one. You know, Mum still keeps in contact with the other three."

"The other girls?" Hermione clarified.

"Yeah," said Bill.

"Isn't that awkward?" Hermione asked.

"Yeah," said Bill. "But that's Mum. She loves everyone. I wouldn't be surprised if she kept in contact with you even if you don't pick Ron."

"That's crazy," said Hermione.

"That's Mum," Bill repeated. "So, how are you holding up?"

"Well," Hermione said, "everything is happening so fast anymore. I hardly have time to think."

"That's good," said Bill. "Thinking will get you into trouble. I'll let you in on a secret about me and Fleur. If I had gone with my brain, I wouldn't have picked her."

"Uh, what?" Hermione said with a cough.

"Did you watch the season?" Bill asked.

"Yes," said Hermione. She blushed, remembering how hard on Fleur she'd been. Now that she knew Fleur, she couldn't believe how catty she'd been about her just because of her hair color and Veela blood. Fleur and Bill were perfect, and Hermione wanted to know how to get that sort of happy ending.

"I was so meticulous about how I picked the girls," said Bill. "I had a notebook in my cottage of pro-con charts on each of them. It was the only way I could make sense of things for a long time."

"Oh my gosh, why didn't I think of that?!" Hermione cried. "That would have helped so much!"

"It did, to a point, and you're way past that point," laughed Bill. "I remember on the last two dates. I knew in my heart that it was Fleur, but the show had these dates planned, and I went with it. I took Kate out like the producers wanted me to. I made my pro-con chart. And it told me I should pick Kate."

"Why?" asked Hermione.

"All kinds of silly reasons," said Bill. "I was just making s*** up at that point, honestly. I was honestly sabotaging myself. I was afraid of what I felt because it wasn't on the show's timeline, right? So I thought I had to be wrong. Hermione, I almost picked Kate just because I was afraid of my feelings. Do you see what I'm saying?"

"Maybe?" Hermione asked.

"I made the right decision," said Bill, "but I wish I'd done it sooner. The timeline the show gives you is just a guideline. If you know, you know. Don't waste time, and don't waste anyone else's time. My biggest regret is going on that last date with Kate, because it ultimately hurt her more."

"I see," said Hermione. She thought for a moment. "I don't know if I'll know when I know, though. You know?"

Bill laughed. "I hear you. And I don't really know how to explain it because there aren't really English words to describe the feeling."

"There probably aren't words to describe it in any language," said Hermione. "I guess that's how I'd know then."

"Something like that," said Bill. "Well, how about I get you another Butterbeer before my parents give you the third degree?"

"Oh, I think I'll need that," said Hermione. "Thank you so much."

HERMIONE CAM: "Talking to Bill was extremely helpful, but now I am scared to death to talk to Molly and Arthur. Because if I've learned anything about this family, they're fiercely loyal, and I'm pretty sure if I hurt Ron in any way, Molly is going to tear me apart."

"Hermione, dear!" Molly cried as she put her arms around their guest. "Let's go talk, shall we? Arthur!"

"Yep, yep, yep," said Arthur, pushing through the mass of Weasleys to the kitchen. They went out the back door where Hermione and Bill had just been.

"So, Hermione, let me begin by saying how happy we are to have you here!" Molly said. "I don't want to be rude, but..." She looked at the cameras. "Can we turn these off for a spell?" Molly asked the cameramen. The cameraman gave her a thumbs up and faked turning off the camera. "I'm so happy they chose you over Astoria."

"Ummm...isn't Astoria in the hospital?" Hermione asked nervously, aware the cameras were still rolling. "It's not like I was chosen over her. I was second choice."

"Well, that was a mistake," said Molly. "I know the Greengrasses, and between you and me, they are not our type of people. Don't you agree, Arthur?"

"Ummm...well, they come from money, and we don't, obviously," said Arthur.

"Yes, I just couldn't imagine a Greengrass here. But you!" Molly exclaimed, hugging her again. "You just fit right in, don't you, dear? Wouldn't you agree, Arthur?"

"It's been a pleasure," said Arthur. "So, you're muggle born, did you say?"

"I am," said Hermione.

Arthur leaned in. "And how is that?" Arthur asked.

"It's...normal to me!" Hermione laughed nervously. "I'm not sure what you're asking."

"Oh, Arthur, stop!" Molly scolded. "Hermione isn't here to talk about that. So, dear, how many other homes have you been to?"

"This is my second," said Hermione.

"And how many others...?"

"Two," said Hermione.

"Two. Oh my. Four men," said Molly. "Lucky woman!"

Hermione blushed. "I started with many more than that. It's all happened so fast."

"Our Ron fell for you fast, it seems," said Molly. "That scares me, you know."

"I could imagine," said Hermione. "You know it scares me too. I hate hurting people. Now I'm in a position where I hurt people on a weekly basis."

"It's unique for us, having two children go through this process," said Arthur. "Bill of course was in your position, and now Ron is on the other end. And after talking to Ron, and it's so clear how deeply he feels for you, I have something to ask of you. We have something to ask of you."

"Okay," Hermione said nervously.

"I know it's hard for you," said Arthur, "but it's harder to be Ron. You know, you get to see every angle of it, and he's in the dark. You know how you're feeling, you know what's going on with the other guys, he really doesn't. So I guess, in the interest of his feelings, as much as you can be transparent with him, please do."

"Right, I get that. Yes, I try my best," said Hermione. "I really do care about Ron very much, and I've had such a great time here today."

"Well, you'll just have to come back, then," said Molly.

"Right," said Hermione. "I'd like that."

Molly winked at her. "Okay, dear. The producer is giving us the wrap-it-up."

"Oh, already?" Hermione asked. "They just ruin everything."

Ron walked Hermione back to the pegasus-drawn carriage. "They like you," said Ron.

"And I like them," said Hermione. "They're even better than I imagined them."

Ron held her. "I don't want you to leave."

"I don't really want to leave either," said Hermione. "I could see myself here. I really could."

They kissed passionately before they parted.

Augusta Longbottom sat drinking her tea, wearing her best dress and her vulture hat. Neville entered through the Floo. "Hello, Gran," said Neville tentatively.

Augusta sipped her tea. "Well?" she asked.

"I'm bringing Hermione home," said Neville.

She set her tea on the coffee table. "So you have proposed?"

"No, not yet."

"Why not?"

"Because she hasn't chosen me yet," said Neville.

"What do you mean, she hasn't chosen you?" asked Augusta.

"Well, there are still three other men left. But I'm in the final four. It's hometowns, Gran. She's coming to meet my family."

"Wait, hold on," said Augusta. "Other men? Why in the name of Merlin should there be other men?"

"Because...that's how...the show...works?"

"Neville, are you gay?"

"WHAT? No! They're Hermione's boyfriends, not mine! She's the Bachelorette. I was one of twenty-five, and now I'm one of four."

"The Bachelorette? You mean the girl is the one doing the choosing?"

"Yes, Gran. I thought you knew."

"I thought you were the Bachelor."

"Goodness, no! I'm a bachelor."

"Well, and that's not likely to change if you date some hussy with twenty-five boyfriends."

"GRAN!" Neville shouted. "Is that really how you feel?"

"A woman choosing. Preposterous. Back in my day, men were men! They didn't submit themselves to such spectacles."

"Well, why should girls always have to? Hermione is the love of my life, and-"

"What was that?"

"I said, Hermione is the love of my life. She's the kindest, most intelligent, strongest person I know, and I haven't proposed to her yet, but I'm very close, and so you better get used to the idea!"

Augusta's eyes widened. "Fine," she said. "Bring her here, and we'll see."

"Only if you promise not to insult her," said Neville.

"I will make no such promise," said Augusta.

"Then I'm not bringing her," said Neville. "See ya, Gran."

Augusta watched her grandson walk back into the Floo. She finished her tea. "He'll be back," she said to herself. "He always comes back."

HERMIONE CAM: "Today is my hometown date with Neville, which I expect to be completely different from the one I had with Ron, or even with Harry. Neville has one living relative, his Gran, who, I'm easily the most terrified to meet out of anyone. However, Neville is meeting me in London. I'm not sure what he has planned, but I'm as always very excited to spend the day with him."

Hermione and Neville met at the MBBC headquarters. They embraced and kissed before even saying a word to each other.

"I've missed you," said Neville.

"And I've missed you," said Hermione. "So, what's going on? I thought you were from Lancashire."

"I am," said Neville. "And we may go there yet, but, there are certain people in London that I believe you need to meet first."

"Oh," Hermione said in understanding.

HERMIONE CAM: "Of course, I'm so stupid. He's taking me to meet his parents first. Oh my, I wasn't expecting this right off the bat. This is going to be heavy."

"Are you okay?" asked Neville.

"Of course," said Hermione. "I want to meet them. I'm surprised we're going now, but I'm honored you would take me."

"Good," said Neville. "First, though, I thought we should do some shopping."

"Oh, excellent," said Hermione. "Let's do it!"

They left the MBBC and headed to a florist and gift shop where they selected some flowers for Neville's parents. Then, they headed to bakery for sandwiches and cookies.

"Can we bring sweets to St. Mungo's too?" Hermione asked.

"Oh, yeah," said Neville.

"Well, what are their favorites? Let's get a box. And one for your Gran too," said Hermione.

"Uhh, yeah, about Gran," said Neville. "You know how I told you that she can be very harsh?"

"Oh, yes," said Hermione. "That's why I thought some sweets would start us off right."

"Well, uhhh," said Neville, "you don't realize it, but you've already not started off right."

"What?"

"It's my fault, really. I guess I wasn't clear when I told her where I was going. You see, she thought I was the Bachelor."

Hermione laughed. "Oh, that's funny! So she thought you were bringing home the final two."

"Yeah, well, you see, she's very old fashioned. She doesn't quite approve of a Bachelorette."

"Why not?"

"She's thinks it's emasculating to me."

"Oh, what rubbish!" Hermione exclaimed.

"Well, she already thinks I'm terribly soft, and then I told her there were four men left, and she said some very unkind things that I won't repeat here. I told her that if she wouldn't change her attitude, I wasn't bringing you at all," said Neville.

"Oh," Hermione pouted. "But she raised you. How can I not meet her?"

"Look, she's very proud, and she feels I've tarnished the family name by participating on this show," said Neville. "Let's just give her some time. She'll come around eventually, if we do get married."

"You think she wouldn't even come to a wedding?"

"Gran can hold a grudge. She doesn't talk to anyone she used to be friends with on account of all sorts of things," said Neville. "She wouldn't be so stubborn with me though. I don't think."

"Oh, that's awful," said Hermione. "This isn't a proper hometown at all."

"I'm sorry," said Neville. "I know it's not fun, but it is what it is."

"You're right, you're right," said Hermione. "I was just so looking forward to meeting her."

"You're crazy," Neville teased.

They arrived at St. Mungo's. Neville carried the flowers, and Hermione the box of sweets. The witch at the front desk recognized Neville.

"Hello, dear," she said. "Oh, what a lovely bouquet! Those will certainly brighten Alice's day. Here are your badges." She handed a pack for Neville, Hermione, and the couple of cameramen who would be allowed in. "Your Gran is already up there. Have a lovely visit."

"Um, I'm sorry," said Neville. "I must have heard wrong. Did you just say my Gran is here?"

"Yes, that's right," said the witch.

"Wha-but-why's she here?"

The witch was surprised at Neville's reaction. "Well, I mean, they are her children..."

"I know, but...oh! It's complicated," said Neville.

Hermione took his arm. "What do you want to do?"

"Well, I guess you're meeting Gran," said Neville. "Brace yourself. I don't have a clue what we're about to walk into."

Hermione took a deep breath. "Here goes nothing."

"Indeed," said Neville.

They proceeded to the lift and went up to the Janus Thickey Ward for Long-Term Residents. Neville was granted access to the locked door, and he beckoned the others to follow.

There was an eerie atmosphere in the ward that couldn't be ignored, despite the fact that it was decorated in bright colors with plenty of friendly pictures and flowery decor. "Here we are," said Neville, stopping outside a blue door labeled "LONGBOTTOM." "Look, why don't you wait out here. I want to have a few words with my Gran first," said Neville.

And as soon as he finished the sentence, the door swung open, and a stern old lady in a green dress and a vulture hat appeared. "Yes, Neville?" she asked. "What is it you wish to say?"

Neville's eyes widened, and the color drained from his face. "Gran," he said, his voice cracking like a boy on the brink of puberty. "Why are you here today?"

"I am visiting my son," said Gran. "Who's this lot you have trailing behind you?"

"Um, Gran, this is Hermione, and these are...cameramen," said Neville.

Augusta's eyes widened. "You brought them here?" she asked.

"Yes, Gran," said Neville. "It's hometown dates. Hermione is meeting everyone's parents. I had to bring her here."

To Neville's surprise, Augusta nodded in approval. "Well, come on in, then," she said.

Neville and Hermione looked at each other and shrugged, then followed her inside. The room was modestly decorated with family photos. Hermione did a double take when she thought she saw Harry in one of them, but of course it was James in a picture of the Order of the Phoenix.

Frank and Alice didn't have a traditional hospital bed, but a double bed like one would find in a house. It had a Gryffindor crest blanket, and Hermione smiled.

"Hi," Hermione said awkwardly. Frank and Alice looked at her blankly, and she looked to Neville and Augusta for help.

Augusta prodded Neville in the back with her wand, and he sat down at the foot of their bed. "Mum, Dad, this is Hermione Granger. She's my girlfriend, and I love her."

They stared at Hermione and at the cameras, slack-jawed. "Don't mind this riff-raff, Frank and Alice, dear," said Augusta.

AUGUSTA CAM: "My son and daughter-in-law are heroes. They are stronger than any other witch and wizard alive, I can tell you that."

Neville handed the flowers to Gran, and she replaced the decaying bouquet in the vase. "So, Hermione is muggle-born," said Neville. "I haven't met her parents yet. Hopefully soon, right, Hermione?"

"Right," said Hermione, feeling very awkward. She hadn't realized Neville's parents wouldn't speak.

"So, I'm not sure what Gran has told you already," said Neville.

"I informed them about the show, yes," said Augusta.

"So yeah. Hermione and I might be getting engaged soon," said Neville. "She still has to choose me, though. I'm one of four left. She started with twenty-five, and now there are four, and I'm one of them! And that blows my mind really, because some of the other guys she had were crazy, like, Viktor Krum, come on!" Frank seemed to recognize the name "Viktor Krum." He cackled. It was a strange laugh, but he was smiling. "Right," Neville laughed. "Hermione chose me over Viktor Krum."

Hermione sighed. "That was so long ago. I thought we were over Krum."

"I think I speak for most wizards when I say there will never be any getting over Viktor Krum," said Neville.

Hermione felt a tug at her robe. Alice was handing something shiny to Hermione. Hermione took it. It was a candy wrapper.

"Oh," Neville gasped.

"Umm," said Hermione. "Thanks?"

Augusta patted Hermione on the shoulder. "She gives those to everyone, dear."

"No, she doesn't," said Neville. "Only people she likes. Mum likes you, Hermione."

"Oh," Hermione said, smiling. "Wow. Thank you, Alice. Would you like a cookie?"

Alice cocked her head like an animal hearing a strange noise. Neville took the box of sweets, opened it, and set it between his parents. Their eyes lit up, and they dug in.

The day continued as Neville and Hermione told more of their story. Hermione got the feeling Frank and Alice understood more than they could communicate. At the end of their time, Augusta invited Neville and Hermione back to her home in Lancashire.

"Oh, of course we'll come," said Hermione.

NEVILLE CAM: "Gran is confusing the hell out of me. First, she's calling Hermione very unkind things. Then, she's inviting us to her house. I'm not sure what's going through her head. I'm scared. I love her, but, she's scary."

They emerged through the Floo into the most stereotypical little old lady home Hermione could imagine. It was accented with gold and crimson.

"So were all the Longbottoms Gryffindors?" Hermione asked.

"We're a legacy at Gryffindor, for sure," said Augusta. "This one worried me, though. I was sure the letter would come from Hufflepuff, if it even came at all." Neville rolled his eyes so hard, Hermione thought they were going to drop out of the back of his head.

"Oh," Hermione said, catching the implications of the statement.

"Gran, did you bring us here to humiliate me, or-"

"Humiliate you? You do a good enough job of that yourself, dear. No, I'm giving you my blessing."

Hermione and Neville looked at each other. "Oh," they said together.

"I did a little snooping around, when you told me you had a 'hometown' with her, and I deliberately planned my visit to Mungo's at the same time."

"Of course," said Neville. "A test."

"A test," agreed Augusta. "And you passed with flying colors!"

"Oh, yay," said Hermione. The thrill of being told she passed a test had never left her.

"You have carried yourself with grace, and poise, and, most importantly, treated my son and daughter-in-law with the respect they deserve. You are worthy of the name Longbottom, should you choose it."

HERMIONE CAM: "I knew meeting with Gran would be more formal than the other hometowns, but I feel like I'm being knighted right now. It's a good feeling, but it's weird."

"So," Augusta said, "tell me about the competition."

"Oh, no, Gran, that's not appropriate," said Hermione.

"Oh, come on," said Augusta. "What are their houses?"

"Gryffindor and Hufflepuff."

Augusta scoffed. "Nix the Hufflepuff."

"I'm not...no! I'm not talking about this," said Hermione.

"Oh, you're no fun," said Augusta. "But smart. So tell me about your journey from mugglehood to witchdom."

Hermione suppressed a laugh at the word choice. "I can honestly say I had no idea I was a witch until I got my Ravenclaw acceptance letter at eleven. Until then I kept looking for scientific explanations for the spontaneous magic."

"Spontaneous magic, eh?" Augusta asked.

"I could turn lights on and off if I wanted," said Hermione. "I could open a book that was out of reach. Simple stuff."

"Neville never did any of that! Oh, dear, if you had been in my house, you'd already be the greatest witch in history. I'd have started training you immediately! Oh, I'm sorry. Please don't take that the wrong way. I don't mean to say anything ill of your muggle parents."

"No, no," said Hermione. "My parents were great. As soon as we found out, they bought me all the books I wanted so I could catch up. The other Ravenclaws didn't have a clue I was muggle born."

"I would love to meet your parents," said Augusta.

"I actually think you'd get along," said Hermione.

"What," Neville accidently said out loud.

Hermione and Augusta chatted until sundown while Neville mostly observed. After they polished off some brandy, the producers indicated that it was time to depart.

"Oh, fooey," said Augusta.

"Yeah, fooey!" Hermione echoed.

"You better bring her back, Neville," said Augusta.

"Yeah," he said. "No pressure!"

A pegasus-drawn carriage was waiting for Hermione outside. The couple stepped outside to say goodbye.

"Well, that was not what I was expecting," said Hermione. "I had the best time today."

"I honestly couldn't have planned it better myself," said Neville. "And I did plan it. But it went better than planned. Way better."

Hermione sensed he would just keep on talking like that, so she stopped him with her lips.

"HERMIONE'S COMING!" Mrs. Smith shouted to her house elves. "This place needs to be SPOTLESS!"

Zach nearly choked on his Butterbeer. "Mum, I told you to put the elves away! Hermione doesn't like house elves! I mean, she does like them, but not when they're being...house elves..."

"Hush, Zacharias," said Mrs. Smith. "We'll take care of things for you, sweetie, just like we always do."

"But you're not listening! Hermione is different!" Zach exclaimed.

And indeed, nobody in the Smith house was listening.

Hermione met Zach at Hufflepuff School of Wizardry.

"Hey cutie," said Zach.

Hermione made a disgusted face at the sentiment, but then she giggled and kissed him. "So, your family lives here?" she teased.

"We might as well," said Zach. "But no. This place is just a huge part of us, and I wanted to share it with you."

"Awesome," said Hermione. "I love schools."

To muggles, Hufflepuff was nothing but a forest outside of London. But wizards could cross inside to the complicated network of tree houses that was Hufflepuff. He showed her the library, stored within the largest tree, and then to his old dormitory that he used to share with Justin.

"Oh, wow," said Hermione. "I didn't realize you and Justin were so close before all of this."

"We weren't," said Zach. "And, to be honest, we really aren't. I mean, I don't dislike the guy, but we're not best mates like Harry and Ron or Seamus and Dean."

"Oh, I see. Tell me about your friends. You never say much about them," said Hermione.

"Oh, well, I have friends from work that I go out with sometimes," said Zach. "And I hung around with the Quidditch team at school. I don't really keep in touch with anyone from school though."

"Oh," said Hermione. "Well, where is the Quidditch field hiding?"

"It's really cool! It's in a clearing behind all of the classroom trees," said Zach, his face lighting up. "Say, Hermione, how about a little one-on-one?"

"One-on-one Quidditch? How does that work?"

"Well, there's no bludgers," said Zach.

"Oh, that's good," said Hermione with a laugh.

"But there is a snitch," said Zach. "And the quaffle, of course. We use two hoops, and only half of the standard field."

"Oh, so it's just a race to get the snitch," said Hermione.

"What? No, you use a quaffle," said Zach.

"Yeah, I never understood that," said Hermione. "The snitch is worth 100 points. Nine times out of ten the team that catches the snitch wins. The quaffle is just a distraction because watching two guys fly around looking for a snitch would be boring."

Zach's eyes bulged as if she'd just used the M-word. "You...you can't say that!"

Hermione blushed. "I'm sorry. Cedric hates my Quidditch rant too. I'll play with you."

"Who's Cedric?"

"Cedric...Diggory? Hey, you went to school together! He married my friend Cho."

"Oh, HA! Cedric, yeah, I became Quidditch captain after him. Saved the team, really."

"Oh, okay," said Hermione. "I'm beginning to see why you didn't have many friends from school."

"What's that?"

"You've been very negative about most things we've talked about," said Hermione. "It's not like you. The Zach I know is fun and outgoing. What's up?"

"Oh, gah! Yeah, I'm sorry, it's just, this place, and my family...they're super intense. We're loosely related to Helga Hufflepuff, and they take that very seriously. They just want the best for this place, but often times it comes off as, well, you know, negative."

"Right, I see," said Hermione. "Alright, so if we go through with this Quidditch thing, I must warn you, I haven't been on a broom by myself since flying class in school."

"Really? Not even for fun with your friends?" he asked.

"I've told you. What I did for fun was read and study," said Hermione.

"Well, we've definitely gotta fix that! C'mon," said Zach.

HERMIONE CAM: "Going from those first three dates to this one is kinda jarring. It's not that I didn't know Zach was different from the other three, but I've never really processed the extent of it. I'm excited to meet his parents and see if I can fit into his family."

"SURPRISE!"

Three blonde-haired wizards were already on the Quidditch field, and Hermione instantly knew they were Zach's family. The family resemblance was uncanny. Even the mom and dad looked like they could be siblings.

"What the f***," said Zach.

"Oh, come on, Zach," said the girl whom Hermione deduced was his younger sister Sarah, "you couldn't think we'd pass up an opportunity to meet your new woman on the field! THINK FAST, HERMIONE!" She lobbed a quaffle at Hermione's face, and Zach caught it.

"Bloody hell, you guys," said Zach. "Ever think maybe I wanted to have some one-on-one time?"

"Oh, you'll have plenty of that in the fantasy suite," said Mrs. Smith. "This is hometowns! And you, my dear, are on home turf."

"Ummm, hi," said Hermione.

HERMIONE CAM: "Overbearing. Check."

"Well, are we gonna play Quidditch or not?" asked Mr. Smith.

"Wait, hold on, guys," said Zach. "Hermione doesn't play. This was supposed to be just a nice one-on-one."

The Smiths stared at Hermione like she was a freak.

"I don't understand," said Sarah.

"Hi, I'm Hermione, and I like books," said Hermione with a nervous giggle.

"I still don't understand," said Sarah, "but I didn't come all of this way to not play Quidditch. So Zach, you're going down one way or another today!"

"We'll do our classic two-on-two," said Mr. Smith. "Watch and learn, Hermione."

"Umm, okay," said Hermione.

HERMIONE CAM: "First impression? Not impressed."

Zach put his arm around her. "I'm sorry," he said. "It's a tradition."

"Sure, sure, go ahead," said Hermione. "I've watched Quidditch before. No biggie."

HERMIONE CAM: "It would have been really great if Zach could have taken a stand against his family. But I get it. I hope we can bond some more after this game."

It actually did end up being fun for Hermione, as Sarah and Mrs. Smith absolutely decimated their male counterparts.

"We'll get you on our level, Hermione, don't worry," said Mrs. Smith. "Now, how about some dinner at our place? The house elves have been working tirelessly to make sure everything is absolutely perfect for you!"

"Mom, I told you-" Zach started to protest, but Mrs. Smith kept pulling Hermione away.

"We are just so happy to meet you," said Mrs. Smith. "We weren't sure what you liked, so we just made everything. Well, the elves made everything, you know..."

"I don't believe in house elf enslavement," said Hermione.

"What's that, dear?" asked Mrs. Smith.

"Oh no," said Zach.

"I said I don't believe in house elf enslavement," said Hermione. "It's slavery."

Mrs. Smith looked from Hermione to Zach incredulously. "Zachy, why didn't you mention this?"

"I DID!" Zach exclaimed.

"Oh, I thought you were joking," said Mrs. Smith.

"Why would I joke about that?" Zach asked.

"Well, I mean, no offense, but it's kind of ridiculous," said Mrs. Smith.

"The rights of magical non-humans are not ridiculous," said Hermione. "Right, Zach?"

"Ummm," said Zach. "Let's just eat, and not discuss politics please."

"Right," agreed Mr. Smith.

They went back to the school and used a Floo to the Smith household.

"Oh my gods," said Hermione. "Zach, you didn't tell me your family was loaded!"

"I'm sorry," said Zach. "I mean, my house doesn't look like this."

"Oh, you don't want to see Zachy's house," said Mrs. Smith. "I keep saying he should move back in here where someone can take care of him, you know? But that'll be your job soon, right?" Mrs. Smith laughed, and Hermione forcefully laughed.

ZACH CAM: "My mum is ruining my life every time she speaks."

The living room was decorated with portraits of family members going back to Helga Hufflepuff, although Hermione noticed there was a suspicious break between Zach's great-great grandmother and Helga. It was a very Victorian style house, but it had plenty of jarring modern touches, like a couch pit and a giant flat-screen television. They had a gorgeous old dining table and sleek, modern chairs. Zach pulled out Hermione's chair, and he sat on her right. Sarah sat on her left, and Mrs. Smith sat on the other side of Zach. Mr. Smith sat beside his wife.

"So, Zach tells us you work for the Ministry," said Mr. Smith.

"I oversee Aurors," said Hermione.

"Oh, wow! That sounds dangerous," said Mrs. Smith.

"It's not," said Hermione. "It's all paperwork. I'd like to go back to doing something more hands-on. I used to work with magical creatures. I liked that."

As if on cue, a parade of house elves came out with a smorgasbord of every food you could imagine. They levitated the plates onto the table. Then, a female elf said, "Umm, Master Smith, there isn't enough space for all we've prepared?"

"Ah, yes, I see," said Mr. Smith, "we barely have space for our own plates. Haha! We were so nervous about you coming here, Hermione, we didn't think about the practicality."

"Oh, this is more than enough food," said Hermione. "Why don't we just let the house elves have the rest?"

"That's a great idea," said Zach.

"Oh, no! We'll just freeze it for leftovers," said Mrs. Smith. "Wouldn't you like to take some food home, Zachy?"

"Oh, yes, please!" Zach exclaimed.

"Box up the rest for Zachy," Mrs. Smith ordered.

Hermione rolled her eyes.

"Is everything okay, Hermione?" Sarah asked.

"Uhh, yeah," said Hermione. "This is just not what I'm used to."

"Right, right," said Mrs. Smith. "We're so sorry to have overwhelmed you. We just got so excited to meet you, dear! So tell me about you two." She gestured with her fork between Zach and Hermione. "Zach won't tell me anything. What brought you here?"

"Oh, goodness. Well, to be honest, Zach really flew under my radar at first. I mean, really flew under the radar. I actually confused him with another guy at one point," said Hermione.

"Oh, gee, thanks," said Zach. "Who was it?"

"I don't even remember his name. Another Hufflepuff. Anyways, Zach really isn't the kind of guy I ever pictured myself with, but the more I got to know him, I mean, there's a lot beneath the surface. And he's always been there for me and always showed me he cared. So, that's why we're here," said Hermione.

"Awww, that's so nice!" Mrs. Smith gushed.

"Wait, wait, wait, hold on," said Zach. "There were not a lot of Hufflepuffs. Me, Justin, and...Ernie Macmillan?"

"Oh, ew, that nerd," said Sarah.

"Yeah, Ernie! Such a nice, quiet guy. But there was no spark," said Hermione.

"You sent Ernie home week two!" Zach cried. "Wait, wait, hold on, HOLD ON...are you saying...you were going to SEND ME HOME WEEK TWO?!"

Sarah turned to the camera man and said, "Ohhhhhhhh snap!"

Hermione turned red. "No, no, it wasn't...I knew who you were by then...obviously...I mean, you're here now, right?"

"I mean, I knew you were going to send me home on our first one-on-one," said Zach. "I talked you out of that one. It would have been a big mistake, obviously."

"Oh, yes, I was just a weird emotional wreck after You-Know-Who attacked," said Hermione. "I would have let all sorts of people go. Zach was so supportive of me, really, during that time."

"Well, yes, of course," said Mr. Smith. "We were very proud of him for that."

"I got the Chinese Aurors," Sarah mocked. "Derp derp derp."

"So sad that your special time got turned into a spectacle for Neo-Death-Eaters," said Mrs. Smith. "And now there's all of this panic over nothing."

"Panic over nothing?" Hermione asked. "Harry Potter almost died, at my Imperious hand..."

"Ehh," said Mrs. Smith. "Not to make light of it, but I never understood what the big deal over that boy was."

"He tried to use Expelliarmus against Tom," said Zach. "Is that a normal thing for Aurors?"

"Ummm, it's unconventional," said Hermione. "But this is not really a comfortable topic for me. Let's not discuss that day, or my other boyfriends, umm...So, Zach tells me you guys are very involved with Hufflepuff Academy."

"Oh, yes, we are related to Helga Hufflepuff herself. Of course we are involved," said Mr. Smith.

"So what do you do there?" asked Hermione.

"I'm sorry?" asked Mr. Smith.

"How are you involved? Do you teach?" Hermione asked.

"Oh, GOODNESS no! We donate money," said Mr. Smith.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I've always thought teaching on the side might be fun," said Hermione. "Money is good too, though."

"We are investors," said Mr. Smith. "Money goes out, the business owners do the work, money comes back to us. I could teach you how it's done. Smart investing, and you could ditch that dreary Ministry job."

"You could even teach, as a hobby," said Mrs. Smith. "And you and I can go shopping anytime, for anything! You're lucky you found Zachy. Isn't marrying rich every girl's dream?"

"Honestly, I've not given it much thought," said Hermione. "Zach didn't even tell me how much money was in your family. It isn't part of the equation."

"Oh, well it should be!" said Mrs. Smith. "Zach, why wouldn't you tell her?"

"I did," said Zach, "but I guess she thought I was Ernie Macmillan."

Dinner ended, and Hermione took Zach aside. They stepped out onto the back porch which overlooked a pond.

"This hometown has been strange," she confessed. "I feel like we're taking steps backwards instead of forwards."

"Me too," said Zach. "I wish we'd just had another one-on-one ourselves. My family is mucking up everything."

"I don't want to blame them, but, I think you may be right. We just weren't ready for this step," said Hermione. "We didn't know each other as well as we thought."

"Clearly," said Zach.

"Oh, stop," said Hermione. "Is this about Ernie still?"

"It's a little hard to hear...over DINNER WITH MY FAMILY...that I only stuck around week two because of a mistake. And then you just kinda forgot about me while a bunch of other guys screwed up-"

"STOP," said Hermione. "That is NOT what happened! Yes, you did almost go home week two. I probably should have told you that before, but I was embarrassed. I didn't want you to react, well, the way you are now..."

"HOW ELSE AM I SUPPOSED TO REACT?! I'm bloody FALLING IN LOVE WITH YOU, and then I hear you couldn't even distinguish me from another guy!"

"I'M SORRY! But that's in the past, and you're still here! Why can't you accept that I actually like you now?! That there's a reason you're here!"

Mrs. Smith knocked on the door. They sighed. Zach cracked it open. "Not now, Mum, we're having a bit of a-"

"Yes, we know, we can hear you," said Mrs. Smith. "I made Old Merlins. Have one, each of you, please." She pushed a drink into Zach's hand, and handed the other to Hermione as she wiggled onto the porch with them. "Sit down, you two. I can't bear to leave you guys like this." They did as they were told. She took a long sip of her Old Merlin and said, "This is not a conventional pairing." Zach and Hermione giggled nervously. "Hermione, I want to apologize. We were so used to Zachy dating a certain type of girl, and when we he told us you were different, we didn't bother to learn how different. We haven't really bothered to get to know you, and we apologize."

"Oh, well, thank you," said Hermione.

"Hermione, what do you like about Zach?"

"Um," she said, "well, I like how much effort he has put into this process. He never gave up on it and always spoke his mind. He wouldn't let me leave him without showing me something new and great about him. I felt like he'd have my back in anything."

"That's nice to hear, isn't it, Zachy?" Mrs. Smith asked. "And what do you like about Hermione?"

"She's gorgeous," said Zach. "And she's completely out of my league intellect-wise. And like...I always date girls who are just like me. And Hermione and I have very few things in common. But that's kinda awesome, because I learn from her, and she actually takes an interest in things I like, even when I know she doesn't actually care."

"I do care!" said Hermione. "I'm always up for learning new things!"

"And that's so great for me, because I hate learning new things, but you force me to!"

"If I may interject," said Mrs. Smith, "there really is something you guys both fundamentally have in common."

"We love each other?" Zach asked hopefully.

"Well, hopefully that too, but," said Mrs. Smith, "you both have a tendency to get hung up on negative details."

Zach and Hermione looked at each other. Then they laughed.

"OH my gosh, I do love proving people wrong!" Hermione exclaimed.

"Naturally, it's the greatest feeling," said Zach.

"And throughout this process, finding a reason to get rid of someone, makes my job so much easier!" Hermione groaned. "Gods, that is awful. We're awful."

"To being awful together," Zach said, holding his glass up for a toast.

The family spent the remainder of the night playing wizarding board games, many of which Hermione had never seen before. When it was time to go, Zach walked Hermione out to her pegasus-drawn carriage.

"Well," he said, "it seems we survived another date together."

"Yes," laughed Hermione. "It is never a dull moment with you, Zach."

He grabbed her and dipped her while kissing her. "I love you, Hermione Granger."

"OOOOOOHHHHH...!" Sarah said.

"What? What are you doing here? Piss off!" Zach exclaimed.

"I just wanted to say goodbye to my big brother and...future big sister?" she asked.

Hermione hugged Sarah. "I think I might like that," she whispered.

Gilderoy was waiting for Hermione back at the London bachelor pad. "Well, Miss Granger. How were your hometown dates?"

"They were wonderful," she said. "They were each so different, but so lovely in their own way. Gilderoy...I don't have the slightest clue what to do next."

"I see," said Gilderoy. "Well, the men won't be here for the rose ceremony until tomorrow. Do you think you can reach a decision by then?"

Hermione nodded, tears already filling her eyes for the thought of what she must do next.