"FREAKING CLIFFHANGERS!" Cho screeched.
Luna was already at the magic board. "Okay, so, Neville's Gran, yasssss?!"
"Yassssss!" agreed Cho.
"And The Order of the Phoenix? Can I get a 'yassssss'?" Luna asked.
"YASSSSSSSS!" she cried.
"Um, what?" Cedric asked.
"We've been over this. 'Yas' is good," said Cho, patting her husband on the hand.
"Okay. Yas," agreed Cedric.
"And...AND! Bill and Fleur look so happy!" Cho squealed.
"YASSSSSS!" Luna echoed.
"I've got something to add," said Cedric.
The girls hushed. Cedric had very few opinions on the show. "Okay?" Cho asked.
"Look, I usually don't watch this junk, but, whoever she picks is going to end up being my bro, or at least, someone I'm forced to tolerate a lot," said Cedric. "So, the Viktor dream died, but I've been saying, Harry seems really chill."
"Yes, Cedric, we all know you're Team Harry," said Cho.
"Well, I've changed my mind," said Cedric.
"Oh?" said Luna. "What's wrong with Harry?"
"Absolutely nothing," said Cedric. "I'm just expanding my future bro wish list to include ABZ."
"ABZ?" they repeated.
"What's ABZ?" asked Cho.
Cedric cleared his throat. "Anyone. But. Zach."
Hermione sat in her cottage staring at the four portraits of her remaining suitors. She sighed. She knew what she had to do, but it felt so unfair. What would she even say to him? He'd done nothing wrong. In another world, they'd carry on as boyfriend and girlfriend for who knows how long, and maybe they would have married. But then she looked at the other three guys. Wow. How did she come to be so blessed?
Gilderoy knocked on her door. "Hermione?" he whispered. "It's time."
Hermione nodded. She had selected a shiny black dress for the occasion, which felt appropriate for what she was about to do. She followed Gilderoy to the rose ceremony room, where Zach, Harry, Ron, and Harry were assembled.
Tears started to fill her eyes. Gilderoy put his arm around her. "Do you need a moment?" he asked.
GILDEROY CAM: "Damn, Hermione, you've gotta do this two more times! You can't be breaking down now!"
Hermione walked back out of the room, and Gilderoy sighed. The men looked at each other awkwardly.
HARRY CAM: "Hermione is obviously upset about letting one of us go. The question is, who?"
RON CAM: "It's scary to think she might be thinking about me."
NEVILLE CAM: "She has deep feelings about each of us, even someone she's going to let go."
Hermione came back in after only a minute. "I'm sorry. I had no idea this would be so hard. I had no idea I'd feel this strongly about each of you, and, the person I'm letting go, well, I just want everyone to know how much I do care about this person and how much I appreciated their family. So..." She took a deep breath and picked up a rose. "Harry." Harry breathed in relief and stepped forward. "Harry, will you accept this rose?"
"Yes," said Harry.
Hermione kissed his cheek as she pinned the rose to his suit. He walked back to the line with a goofy grin, then quickly dropped it when he saw the still terrified faces of the other three.
She picked up the next rose. "Ron," she said.
Ron's feet started moving forward before he processed what the moment meant. He said "yes" and received his kiss, same as Harry.
RON CAM: "Final three! I can't believe it. This is an incredible feeling."
Hermione picked up the final rose, and Gilderoy apparated in. "Gentlemen, this is the final rose tonight," he said before apparating out. Hermione laughed nervously. Nobody ever really got used to that.
"Neville," she said.
"No," Zach whispered.
"YASSSSSSSSSSSSS!" Cedric shouted.
"Awwww," Luna said.
"Don't 'aww' him. You'd hate him in real life, I promise," said Cedric.
"Shut up, Cedric," said Cho. "You just hate that he called you out on TV."
"Yeah, look, he's crying," said Luna.
"Poor thing. He really loved her," said Cho.
"He did," said Luna.
"But I am falling in love," said Hermione. "And it's not with you. I'm sorry. I know that's hard to hear, but, I don't want to lie to you either."
"If only we had more time!" Zach pleaded.
"We've had time, Zach," said Hermione. "And I like you. But I don't love you."
"This is about my family," said Zach. "They f****** it all up. You've gotta get to know me outside of them, Hermione!"
"I do, Zach! What do you think we've been doing for the past nine weeks?" Hermione asked. "Zach, this was not an easy decision for me! I hate that I have to let you go. We were good together. Just...not as good as I am with the others. So that's why I have to let you go. I can't change it, Zach. I'm sorry. I can't change how I feel."
"Yeah, well, neither can I," said Zach. He got into the pegasus-drawn carriage. Hermione watched as he flew out of her life, sighed, and wiped away tears. She got up and went back to the ceremony room.
The final three were talking awkwardly to Gilderoy. They all paused and looked at her when she entered.
"How is everything?" Gilderoy asked.
"As expected," said Hermione. "But he'll be fine. He'll find someone."
Everyone nodded.
"Well, Hermione," said Gilderoy. "This is your final three. How do you feel?"
She looked at Harry, Ron, and Neville. "Wonderful," said Hermione.
"So we're going to be sending the three of you to completely different locations," said Gilderoy, "and Hermione will come have dates with each of you. This journey is almost over, and an engagement is right around the corner. This is the time when you really will find out if you are compatible in all aspects. So, gentlemen, take your things and step into the Floo. It's programmed to take you to your new digs. Hermione, we'll discuss logistics, and then you'll be off to your first destination as well."
"Thank you," said Hermione. She watched as each man rolled their luggage into the fireplace and disappeared. She couldn't wait to see where each of them ended up.
Neville stepped out of the Floo. He saw a quaint brown room furnished with some Asian influence. He walked through to the front entrance, where a screened-in area overlooked a pristine beach.
He walked outside and sampled some of the plant life. He was in the Far East, he decided. A Pacific Island for sure, but judging from the decor of the bungalow, probably southern Japan, Taiwan, or the Philippines.
"Hello?" came the sweet voice of Hermione. He thought he might be dreaming, but when he saw all of the cameramen, he realized his date was beginning.
"Goodness, they don't mess around, do they?" he said. "I haven't even unpacked yet. Nor am I positive where I am."
"Oh, I'm so sorry! Let's get you unpacked," said Hermione. "And you're in the Philippines. Palawan Island, to be exact."
"Oh, wonderful," said Neville. "I've always wanted to come here. They have some very exotic plant life. Oh, but you don't want to talk about that anymore. I've probably bored you to tears enough already."
"Stop, I love your plant rants," laughed Hermione. "But let's check out your bungalow. It looked so cute when I walked through it. I was hoping it was mine, but they said they took my stuff to the hotel."
"Oh, you don't get a bungalow?" asked Neville.
"Well, you're staying here much longer than me," said Hermione. "Plus, the hotel is just backup."
"Huh?" asked Neville.
Hermione stared at him awkwardly. "You've watched this show before, right?"
"Gran watches it. I catch bits and pieces," he said.
"Oh. Then maybe you don't know. Ha! You're going to love it!" She kissed him, giggled, then walked back to the bungalow.
NEVILLE CAM: "Wha...what was that?"
HERMIONE CAM: "Fantasy suite. He doesn't know about the fantasy suite. This is excellent. I can't wait to see his face when the card arrives!"
Hermione sat on Neville's bed while he unpacked, and he couldn't stop thinking about how good she looked there in her flowered sundress and hair frizzing out from the humidity.
"So," said Hermione, "want to know what's on our agenda today?"
"Absolutely," said Neville. He levitated his last pair of pants into the drawer and joined her on the bed. "What does the Almighty MBBC have on our itinerary?"
"We're going on a boat tour," said Hermione. "Then we're going to visit an underwater cavern. Dinner at my resort, and then...whatever."
"Whatever? Unstructured time?" Neville said happily. "That's a first! Thanks, MBBC!" Hermione chortled. "What?" Neville asked. "You're being weird. There's something you're not telling me."
"I told you everything they told me, I swear!" Hermione said slyly. "I don't know what you're talking about!"
HERMIONE CAM: "It's not a lie. They did not tell me anything specific about the fantasy suite."
Hermione and Neville were making out when the boat arrived to take them on their tour. The captain dropped them off at a small island with stunning cliffs.
"This is the life," Neville said, sipping his Parseltongue.
The crew set up beach blankets and umbrellas so they could relax a bit with their drinks. The crew wanted to refill them, but Neville was already pretty tipsy.
"Sweetie, you can't get wasted, we have a long swim ahead of us," said Hermione.
"What's that?" Neville asked. "I don't wanna swim."
"We have to swim through a 40 meter tunnel!"
"WHAT?! No. NO, MBBC! I can't swim that much!"
Hermione threw her head back and laughed. "Hey, hey, Neville."
"I'm getting sick of their sh*t. I just wanna relax with you," said Neville.
"Neville, honey, I'm messing with you. We're taking a Portkey," said Hermione.
"Oh," said Neville. "You...YOU!"
"Yes?" asked Hermione.
He kissed her.
They changed into their swimsuits and took the Portkey, a piece of driftwood, to the underwater cavern. They were alone in the cavern, but they could see MBBC had prepped the area with cameras. It was odd for them, though, to not have actual camera men around.
They looked at each other. Fish were brushing up against their feet. "So," said Hermione.
"This is awesome," said Neville. "I wonder what sort of charm they used to block out muggle divers."
"Maybe they're all swimming in circles somewhere in the tunnel," said Hermione.
"Man! Isn't magic great? How does the muggle version of this show pull this stuff off?"
"With money," said Hermione.
"But they have to fly everywhere in those murder cylinders!"
Hermione chortled. "Murder cylinders! Gods, Neville! You are so painfully wizard sometimes. To be honest, I much prefer planes to Portkeys. Planes don't require the magical de- and re-construction of my body."
"But," said Neville, "you don't have to be crammed into a murder cylinder with tons of other people."
"Wizards sure have perfected the art of being alone," said Hermione.
"It's great," said Neville.
"So," said Hermione, "you probably wouldn't want to move into my London apartment."
"Haha," said Neville. "I was hoping you'd want to move into my place."
"In the middle of nowhere, away from my job," said Hermione.
"We're wizards. Distance clearly doesn't matter. Besides, I have an actual house. That's better than an apartment," said Neville.
"True," said Hermione.
"But," said Neville, "it'd be nice to find our own place together. One that's ours, you know?"
"And we can have little hideaways all over the world," said Hermione.
"Yes!" Neville exclaimed. "If we save up enough money."
"An Auror and a botanist," said Hermione. "Not exactly big money-makers."
"No," said Neville. "I've thought about teaching on the side."
"Oh my gosh, me too!"
"That still doesn't pay a lot, though!" Neville laughed.
"Well," said Hermione, "maybe the middle of nowhere with you would be okay then."
They kissed until a crewman apparated into the cavern with them to let them know it was time for dinner. They took a new Portkey to another lagoon, but this one was was full of little bungalows.
Their dinner was served on another boat that floated in the center of the lagoon. The stars shone brightly overhead, and Neville and Hermione tried to identify the constellations.
"What's this?" Neville asked, picking up an envelope.
Hermione smiled. "I dunno. Why don't you open it?"
Neville obliged. "Dear Hermione and Neville, I hope you are enjoying your day in El Nido, Palawan Island. Should you choose to forgo your individual rooms, use this key to stay as a couple in the fantasy suite. Gilderoy." He took out the room key and looked at Hermione. He cleared his throat. "Fantasy suite?"
"It's just a big hotel room with a king bed in it," said Hermione. "That we stay together in. If you want."
"Oh," said Neville. "Oh, I want. I want very much. Do you?"
"Of course I do, silly!" Hermione laughed.
Neville coughed nervously. "Umm, okay then. Great." He looked around, but there was no one on the boat. "So, how do we...?"
As if on cue, the boat started to move towards the shore on its own. Neville and Hermione's eyes lit up in wonder. It was like witnessing magic for the first time.
The boat docked around the corner in the remotest part of the resort. There was a private bungalow about halfway up a cliff with a steep staircase leading up to it.
"Blimey, that's quite a climb," said Neville.
"It'll be worth it," said Hermione. "Come on!"
They climbed up together. The waves were crashing against the cliffs on either side of them, and birds were nesting among the rocks. They arrived at their room, and Neville swiped the key.
"Bloody hell!" he exclaimed when they entered. The bed was in the center of the room strewn with jasmine petals. Hermione rushed to the hot tub that was overlooking the ocean. The place was decorated with orchids and candles. There was also a kitchenette with appetizers and, of course, wine.
Hermione found her bag and went into the bathroom to change into her swimsuit.
NEVILLE CAM: "I'm at a loss for words. I'm with the most beautiful woman in the most beautiful place. What did I do to deserve this?"
They entered the hot tub. Neville brought the wine. "I'm not complaining," he said. "But, I was just thinking about how these dates are all basically the same. Drink while sitting by water, drink while sitting in water..." He took a pull of the wine. "Bloody hell, that's good!"
"Pass it, you lush," Hermione teased.
He got in the hot tub next to her and handed her the bottle. "Wow. This is so surreal," he said, looking out at the view.
She touched his leg under the water and laughed. "Do you remember night one?" she asked.
"Night one," Neville mused. "Oh, gods. Night one. I was a mess night one!"
"We might not have even talked," said Hermione.
"Yeah," said Neville. "I'm sorry. I don't know who that guy was. He was a bloody idiot."
"It's just crazy when I think about how different this experience would have been without you in it," said Hermione.
"I'm still afraid," said Neville, "that you're going to wake up and decide I'm not good enough for you."
"Oh, no," said Hermione. "I mean. There are two other guys in the picture still. But if it's not you at the end, that would never be the reason. You're more than enough for me."
They put the wine aside and kissed, and for the remainder of the night, Hermione forgot the other two.
The screen went to black, and a commercial for Madam Malkin's played.
"Alright, ladies and gentlemen, it's time to play our favorite fantasy suite game...," Cho started.
"DID. THEY. FUCK?!" Luna shouted, pumping her fist.
"Fuck yeah they fucked!" Cedric exclaimed. "What kind of a fucking question is that? It's the whole point of the fantasy suite."
"Hold on, hold on, hold on," said Cho. "Remember who we're dealing with her. Hermione is not the sleep-around type."
"No," said Luna, "but she's so into him. I don't think she'll be able to resist. If I were her, I'd sleep with all of them. It's important."
"I think he's such a gentlemen though that he will take a backseat, and maybe he doesn't feel comfortable going there with her with there being two other guys in the picture," said Cho.
"Shame," said Luna. "I would so hit that."
"Careful, sweetie, that could be Hermione's hubby you're talking about," said Hermione.
"Either way, she's hitting that," said Cedric. "Next!"
Ron stepped out of the Floo into a modern hotel room. He looked around. "Bloody hell," he said, walking over to his window. There were waterfalls all over the landscape. "Where am I?" he asked, not believing this place could exist without magic. He picked up a pamphlet on the coffee table, and it appeared to him to be in Spanish. "Spain?" he asked himself. "Welp, guess I'll go find a taco bar!"
HERMIONE CAM: "So my date with Neville was incredible, and I can't believe I get to go on two more with two more great guys! I'm going to meet Ron next in Iguazu Falls, Brazil."
RON CAM: "Today's the day! I am so excited and nervous for this date. I hope I get the fantasy suite card. But it also kinda weirds me out. I mean, Bill slept with all three girls in the fantasy suite. So it's like...I want to, obviously. But as a man, it is strange to think she might have already been with my best mates. It almost makes me wish she'd kept some of the awful blokes around! I wouldn't have minded stealing Draco's girl as much."
Ron and Hermione met at the resort. Hermione ran into his arms, and they kissed.
"Welcome to Spain!" Ron said.
Hermione looked at him blankly, then threw her head back and laughed. "Oh, Merlin, you think you're in Spain!"
"Am I not? Everyone speaks Spanish," said Ron.
"Gods, stop," said Hermione. "You're in Brazil."
"Brazil! Oh, that's...is that very different?"
"Well, first of all, that's Portuguese, not Spanish," said Hermione.
"Ah," said Ron. "Not very many tacos either."
"No," said Hermione. "But speaking of food, we are going to get some lunch before our hike."
"A hike? Through there?" Ron asked, pointing at the waterfalls.
"Of course, where else?" asked Hermione.
"You know," said Ron, "I think they definitely put some kind of charm on me, because I definitely tried to go there before, but then whenever I'd try to go, I'd like, get distracted or forget something."
"Yeah, they want us to experience it together," said Hermione.
"Sounds great," said Ron. "Let's go!"
Hermione and Ron picked up a picnic lunch that had been prepared for them, then they headed towards the falls. Ron did a little victory dance when he realized that he passed the threshold he'd been magically forbidden to cross.
"So, do they have a predetermined spot for us to eat, or can we just help ourselves?" Ron asked.
"I'm not sure, but, we have a very long hike. I don't think you want to eat it all now," said Hermione.
"Not all of it. Just a little bit," said Ron. He opened the basket and pulled out a skewer of barbequed meat. He chomped down on the first two pieces and said with a partially fully mouth, "You know, I thought we might be in a completely magical realm when I first got here."
"Right?" Hermione said. "It's crazy how much magic is in the natural world. Besides meeting you guys, the best part about this experience has been being able to just see everything." Ron took Hermione's hand, and she pulled it away. "Sorry," she said. "You have meat juice on your palms."
"I do?" he asked. He looked, licked a few dribbles, then outstretched his hand again. Seeing her sour face, he found a napkin in the basket and wiped it off before offering his hand again. She accepted happily.
"So my Mum keeps sending me owls about you," said Ron. "One a day since we left."
"You're kidding," said Hermione. "That's so sweet. And obsessive."
"'Obsessive' is the word," said Ron. "I sure hope they cut out that meat juice debacle, or I won't hear the end of it."
"Ha! Well, you know there's no chance of that," said Hermione.
"Yeah, hehe, well, they love you, Hermione. It's a huge family, and there's no shortage of love to go around, no matter how many people enter it," he said. "I don't know if Bill told you, but Mum still talks to Kate."
"Yeah, he did mention that," said Hermione. "So you're saying no matter what, a barrage of mail is coming my way."
"Most likely, yeah," said Ron.
"It's funny," said Hermione. "Having seen your family on TV before, I was excited to meet them but also the most nervous, because I knew how intense they were, and I just don't want to upset them!"
"Then don't," said Ron, turning abruptly and kissing her.
They arrived at the end of a trail that overlooked a horseshoe of waterfalls. Multiple rainbows were shining through the mists, and the water in the air gave each of their skins and shiny glow and glistened in their hair. Their clothes began to cling to their bodies. They stared into each other's eyes, and their stomachs grumbled. Slowly, they erupted into a fit of giggles.
"I think it's time we found a place to eat," said Hermione.
"Yes," said Ron, "but I sure am loving this view."
"Me too," said Hermione. Neither of them were looking at the waterfalls.
They didn't find a dry spot to eat until they got back to the resort, with their feet and legs aching as much as their stomachs for food. They sat down together and ate in a parking lot.
A woman from the resort approached them. "Are you Weasley, Ron, and Granger, Hermione?" she asked.
With full mouths, they both said, "Yes."
"Oh, why are you eating out here? You can eat in your rooms, or in the bar, or the lobby..."
"Uhhh," they said in unison. They had been too tired to walk back into the resort.
"Well, finish up! It is time for your couple's massage!" she said.
"Ooooh!" they exclaimed together, and then, in another fit of giggles, high-fived each other. They ate the rest of the basket in a hurry and headed inside.
"You know," said Ron, "we really ought to thank Gilderoy for arranging all of this."
"Gilderoy? No, Gilderoy doesn't do this. This is Skeeter," said Hermione.
"True," said Ron. "We ought to thank Skeeter."
"Did your Mum suggest that one?" Hermione asked.
Ron sighed. "Yeah."
They found the spa and were ushered into separate changing rooms. They each received a robe and joined a male and a female masseuse in a room filled with incense and trickling water.
"Are the mini waterfalls really necessary?" asked Ron. "It's just sad, really, next to the big ones out there."
"Let the sound of the water soothe you," said the man, pushing Ron down onto a cot.
"Ow!" Ron protested. "It's just making me need to pee, if anything."
The man looked at Hermione and raised his eyebrow. "You can't be serious about this one," he said. "Beautiful woman like you."
"Victor, stop flirting with the clients," said the woman who had already begun digging into Hermione's shoulders.
Hermione reached out her hand across the gap between the cots, and Ron took it. "I am serious about him. He's one of the best men I've ever dated," she said.
"Then you better keep him," said the woman. "Heaven knows there aren't many girls who can say that sentence with a smile on their face."
"Perhaps I shall," said Hermione.
"Torture dating this one," Ron muttered to Victor playfully.
"Ahhh, well, all the best women are," said Victor with a wink.
After the massage, Hermione leaned against Ron's shoulder. "Oh, I am ready for a nap," said Hermione muttered.
"I'm feeling lucky," said Ron.
"Oh, you should," Hermione said, then blushed when she remembered cameras were still on her.
"Let's gamble," said Ron.
"Huh?" asked Hermione.
"There's a big casino in here," said Ron. "Let's gamble."
"You...want to...but...we don't have muggle money!" she protested.
"Oh, right," said Ron. He turned to the cameramen. "Say, that's gotta come with the package, right?"
The cameramen shook their heads, but then a grey-haired, dark-skinned old man in what looked like indigenous dress tapped Ron on the shoulder. "Did you say 'muggle'?" he asked in a strong accent.
"Oh...erm...it's British slang for...," Ron started.
"Relax, I know what it means. C'mon, I've got what you're looking for," said the man.
Ron and Hermione stared wide-eyed at the cameramen, who shrugged.
HERMIONE: "Well, this is new. We seem to have met a wizard, or at least, someone associated with the community, that wasn't scripted into the show."
They followed the old wizard into the elevator, and he produced a wand from his robe. He tapped four different buttons with his wand, and they each glowed a different color: green, yellow, dark blue, and white. The elevator lurched upwards. It stopped at floor 13.5.
"It's a magic floor!" Ron squealed. "Hermione, they have a magic floor!"
"This is so exciting!" she agreed. She turned to the cameramen. "Did you guys know about this?"
The cameramen shrugged again. Hermione and Ron entered the wizard casino. It wasn't a large room, but there were a few tabletop card games, a few dice games, and then Ron gasped.
"Hermione, LOOK!" he cried.
Hermione looked. In the corner was a group of wizards playing wizard's chess. The gray-haired man leaned into Ron. "You play chess?" he asked.
"Oh, I play chess," Ron said.
"Well then," said the man. "I challenge you."
HERMIONE CAM: "Wouldn't it be nice if I got to report that Ron made hundreds of galleons at wizard chess here?"
RON CAM: "That would be nice to report...but...listen. The Brazilians, they just have a different playing style than me."
HERMIONE CAM: "He lost about a hundred galleons."
RON CAM: "That old guy. Was a freaking mastermind."
HERMIONE CAM: "Ron got hustled."
The old man, whose name was Abelardo, felt bad for Ron and Hermione, so he sat down with them at the bar in the wizard's casino and ordered them champagne and lobster dinners.
"So, tell me about you two," he said. "What's this? Who are these people following you?"
"Oh, we're on a reality TV show," said Hermione.
"We're dating on TV, and she has two other boyfriends," said Ron.
Abelardo gasped and pointed at Hermione. "You are the Bachelorette!"
"Well, we're not supposed to talk about it, but...," said Hermione.
"Oh oh oh, okay, do not tell me," said Abelardo with a wink. "Ohhhh, this is exciting! I should have known, from the cameras here, haha! So, it is getting pretty serious, yeah?"
"Oh yeah," said Hermione. "I mean, I can't tell you how far along we are, but, I could really see myself with Ron."
"Oh, that is so great!" said Abelardo. "I can see it, the way you two are together, you are just in sync, you know? And I see the respect between you. That is rare. You would have a long, happy marriage."
Ron and Hermione took each others' hands and looked warmly into each others' eyes. Then, the bartender interrupted them.
"Are you Hermione and Ron?" the young man asked.
"Yeah," said Ron.
"I'm supposed to give this to you," he said. Ron accepted the envelope, which was marked with a red rose.
"Oh, I wonder what this is?" Ron asked Hermione slyly. He started opening it, then they turned to Abelardo. "Umm. Hey man, it's been wicked, but..."
"Oh, right right right. Sorry. I'll leave you two alone. Have a good night," said Abelardo. He hugged them both before departing.
"Alright," said Ron. He finished opening the envelope and pulled out the card inside. "Ron and Hermione. I hope you are enjoying your time in beautiful Iguaza Falls. If you would like to forgo your individual rooms, please use this key to stay as a couple in the fantasy suite. Gilderoy." He raised his eyebrows at Hermione. "So...?"
"So?" Hermione echoed. "Do you want-"
"Yes!" Ron exclaimed, grabbing her face and kissing her.
The bartender saw this and said, "Yo, lovebirds, take it back to your room."
"Shall we?" Ron asked.
"We shall," said Hermione with a blush.
Their fantasy suite was on the top floor of the hotel. It was a massive suite with a hot tub. There was a plate of desserts set out for them with some wine. One of the walls was entirely made up of glass to offer a stunning view of the falls, and they had a large deck overlooking the resort.
Ron and Hermione spent very little time with any of this before tumbling into the bed, but they appreciated it nonetheless.
Luna, Cho, and Cedric all exchanged knowing glances before saying in one voice, "Yes!"
Harry stepped out of the Floo into a quaint apartment. A warm ocean breeze drifted inside the open window, with the faint sounds of villagers below. Harry stepped through the french doors that that lead to a porch that overlooked a street lined with colorful buildings and a beach. The sun was sparkling on the waves. Harry wasn't sure where he was, but he was happy to be there. He unloaded his things and climbed into the bed.
When Hermione arrived at Italy's Amalfi Coast to meet Harry, he and Hedwig were sitting on the beach with a pizza. "Hermione!" he exclaimed. "Ciao!"
"Ciao, Harry!" Hermione returned with a giggle. They kissed and embraced. "So, I'm guessing you've figured out where you are?"
"Definitely Australia," he said.
"Very funny," said Hermione. "Wait, you are joking, rii-"
"Yes, Hermione, I know I'm in Italy!" Harry said. Then, he couldn't help himself and hugged her again. "I missed you."
"I missed you too," she said.
"Pizza?" he asked.
"Umm," she said. Hedwig was picking the toppings off Harry's pie and throwing them onto the sand.
"Oh, bloody hell, Hedwig!" Harry groaned, picking up the bird and putting him back into his cage. Hedwig's white face had been stained with tomato sauce, making him look less like a friendly pet and more like a wild bird of prey fresh from the hunt.
"It's fine," said Hermione. "Let's get another, and I'll give you the itinerary."
"Sounds good," said Harry.
He picked up Hedwig's cage and lead Hermione to the little restaurant where he'd bought the pizza. When they walked into the joint, the man behind the counter said, "HARRY! Back again so soon?"
"Yeah, Hedwig got to it," said Harry.
"Ahhh, naughty bird! Say, who are all these guys with cameras? Wait a minute...IS THIS THE GIRL?!"
"Yeah! Lorenzo, meet Hermione. Hermione, Lorenzo. He makes pizza," said Harry.
"Oh, nice to meet you. I take it Harry's been in here a lot," said Hermione.
"Every day since he got here," said Lorenzo. "We've had some good talks. He has the best things to say about you, Hermione. Harry, I must say, you did not exaggerate her beauty."
"Oh, thank you," said Hermione.
"Hermione, what's your favorite pizza? I'll make it," said Lorenzo. "On the house."
"Do you have sweetcorn?" Hermione asked.
"Sweetcorn?! Oh no, you are just like this one," said Lorenzo. "No, no sweetcorn. And don't you dare ask me for pineapple either."
"Ugh, fine," said Hermione. "Mushroom, onion, and pepperoni."
"Now that's a pizza," said Lorenzo. "One Hermione, coming right up."
Lorenzo retreated to the kitchen. Hermione turned to Harry and laughed, and they found a seat in the restaurant.
"You really are enjoying yourself," said Hermione.
"This is a great place," said Harry. "I'm so glad you're here."
"Well, I have MBBC's itinerary for us right here, but now I kinda want to know what you think we should do," said Hermione. "Since you're man of the town now."
"Oh, after this, we should get gelato," said Harry. "And then we should go to this pasta place for dinner later."
"So basically, you've been eating," said Hermione.
"Of course," said Harry. "It's Italy." As if on cue, Lorenzo reappeared with a basket of breadsticks and marinara sauce for them. "Gratzi, Lorenzo."
"Yes, gratzi," said Hermione, almost in disbelief. "Well, there's more than food in Italy. We're going to visit an old Roman village."
"Cool," Harry said.
"Then we're going to a limoncello distillery," said Hermione.
"A what?"
"A limoncello distillery. Limoncello is liquor," said Hermione.
"Oh, okay! I'm down," said Harry with a grin.
"And then my itinerary just says, 'paper,'" said Hermione with a laugh. "So I dunno. We're going to look at paper."
"Cool," said Harry absentmindedly, taking a giant bite out of a breadstick.
"This is such a beautiful place!" Hermione said. "It's like a postcard. Oh, I'd love to live in a quaint little place like this."
The pizza arrived, and they dug in.
"I could totally get behind living by this pizza joint," said Harry. "Actually, I think I'm going to see if we can get a Floo hook up here."
Hermione laughed incredulously. "There's no fireplace!"
"Sure there is," said Harry. "The wood-fired oven. That counts as a fireplace, right?"
"Yeah...but...how are you going to explain to Lorenzo why you keep popping into the kitchen all the time?"
"Ahh, yeah, I guess you're right," said Harry.
"You know," said Hermione, "this show has gotten Floos set up in some very unlikely places."
Harry nearly spat out his water. "Oh my gosh, I never even thought of that! Like...this is a beach town! Why is there a fireplace in my room?"
"Exactly! And then do they just leave it there?"
"Maybe there's some sort of perception spell on it so that muggles don't notice it," said Harry. "I could probably figure it out."
"You're probably right. Seeing as we didn't think about it until now," said Hermione.
They ate another piece of pizza each in almost silence. Then, Harry said, "Okay, this is really bugging me now."
"The Floo?! Me too!"
"Let's go investigate," he said.
"Yaaaassss!"
Harry called for a box for his pizza, then said, "What did you just say?"
"I said...yes."
"Oh," said Harry. "Sorry. It kinda sounded weird."
"It's...something my friends and I say."
"Oh, alright. So Floo."
"Floo," agreed Hermione.
Harry and Hermione entered Harry's room.
"Oh my gosh, it's so cute!" Hermione gushed.
"Uhh...yeah," said Harry. "So, what's on the itinerary then?"
Hermione sat down at the table next to the window, opened the pizza box, and took out another slice. "Let me see. We're supposed to go the Roman village first." She turned to the crew. "How are we getting there?"
"Oh, a bus is coming to get you," said the crewman.
"Oh," said Hermione. "They could have come to the pizza place."
"Yeah, why did we rush here?" asked Harry.
Hermione looked at Harry, then around the room. "I don't remember. But it is a cute room. Especially the fireplace."
Harry stared at the fireplace. "Yeah," he said.
They made out until the bus arrived. The obligatory tourist bus arrived and took them to the village. Harry and Hermione were the last to exit, and they were the only ones at the village, because magic.
"This is awesome," said Hermione. She look Harry's hand, and they walked through the columns. Then, a centaur greeted them.
"Oh, hello," said Harry. Harry and Hermione tensed up, as centaurs were not known to be friendly to humans.
"It's fine," said the centaur. "Hello. My name is Firenze, and I am a friend to humans."
"Oh, well, we, humans, appreciate it," said Harry.
"I heard you two had a weird encounter with a psychic on your first date," said Firenze.
"We did!" Hermione laughed. "That was a memorable date, wasn't it?"
"Oh my gods, yes," said Harry, "but surprisingly good despite being told I was going to die."
"Which nearly happened," said Hermione.
"Yeah, so spooky," said Harry.
"How would you like to have a second reading?" asked Firenze.
"What now?" asked Harry.
He handed Harry a cup of wine. "Drink this," said Firenze.
Harry looked at Hermione, who shrugged. Harry took a giant swallow, and then immediately spat it out. "Ugh, I'm sorry. That's disgusting."
"HAHA!" Firenze laughed heartily. "That's okay, I just need the dregs. You can spill it out...slowly though, don't lose any."
Harry slowly spilled out the wine, feeling very awkward for dumping dark red wine on the floor of the a ruin. Firenze took the cup from his hand before Harry lost the dregs, and then he examined them. "Hmm," said Firenze.
"It's the Grim, isn't it?" asked Harry with a nervous chuckle.
"No," said Firenze. "I see palm trees."
"Well, those are everywhere around here," said Harry.
"No, in the wine," said Firenze. "It's a sign of imminent happiness and marriage."
Harry and Hermione raised their eyebrows at each other.
HERMIONE CAM: "Of course we know that that's the end goal here, but to hear it out loud like that was jarring. I wasn't sure how I felt about it. It was exciting, but scary."
HARRY CAM: "He's getting paid to say that, right? It's gotta be the Grim. It's always the Grim."
"But," Firenze said, "it is fuzzy. This means that fate is yet to determine the person you will marry."
Harry and Hermione looked at each other again, this time in confusion. "You must be reading Hermione's fortune," said Harry.
"No," said Firenze. "This is you."
"Huh," said Harry.
"Please, enjoy the rest of your stay. When you are ready, take this Portkey to go to your next stop." Firenze gestured to an urn laying on the ground. "Ciao."
Firenze walked out of the building and into a forest. Hermione took Harry's hand. "Well," she said. "It couldn't be normal with us, could it?"
He smiled. "Still sure you're up for this insanity forever?"
Hermione smiled and picked up the urn. They were instantly pulled out of the Roman village to a lemon orchard. Hermione sniffed the air. "Oh, wow. It smells like home."
"It smells like muggle cleaning products," said Harry.
"Exactly," said Hermione.
On the top of a hill, there was a collection of tan buildings with red roofs. Harry and Hermione made their way and found some locals sipping yellow drinks in a courtyard. A woman greeted them. "Harry and Hermione?" she pronounced.
"Yes," said Hermione.
"We've been expecting you! Please, come in," she said, opening the door for them.
She took them on a tour of the distillery, and then they were given a light meal and free drinks.
"Hey, Hermione?" Harry asked. "Something's been bothering me."
"Okay?" Hermione asked tentatively.
"The f******* fireplace," he said.
She slammed down her drink. "THE F******* FIREPLACE!"
"How did that even happen?!" he cried.
"I don't know! My gods, their charms department is on point!" Hermione exclaimed. The locals shot them strange looks, and Hermione lowered her voice. "I have honestly never felt so stupid in my entire life."
"Right? F***** Tom Riddle wasn't even this good," Harry said.
"You know what else is good? This limoncello," said Hermione.
"It's not something I'd drink on a regular basis, but it's good," agreed Harry. "It's really cool that they make it right here, too. So, what's next on our itinerary?"
"Paper," said Hermione. "I still don't get it. Just waiting for instructions from our overlords."
"Excuse me," said a local, an older, balding man. "Did you say you are going to the Paper Museum?"
"Ummm...maybe?" Hermione answered.
"You should go," he said. "I know, it doesn't sound exciting, but, it is our history."
"Okay, can you explain that a little more?" asked Hermione.
"They say that paper was invented in China," said the man. "Bah! What do they know? It was first made right here in Amalfi."
"Oh, that's wicked!" Hermione said to the man. "Thank you." She turned back to Harry and whispered, "It was China."
"Well," said Harry, "I think I might need a little more of this before we go to a paper museum." He shook his empty glass. "Gonna be a wild time."
"Only the best dates the MBBC has to offer for us," said Hermione, following Harry back to the bar.
"You know, we could skip the paper museum and go investigate that fireplace," Harry suggested.
"Don't tempt me," Hermione said with a wink.
After procuring their next drink, a bus arrived at the distillery. Their tour guide called for them, and they took their limoncello onto the private bus. They enjoyed the scenery on their way to the next destination, the Amalfi Paper Museum.
It was a relatively small building, nothing like the huge ones Hermione's parents had taken her to in London as a child. They entered and were able to walk around undisturbed for a while. Harry was not amused, but Hermione's inner nerd started to emerge. She imagined everything that had been written on the paper that came from those machines. Finally, they came to a workshop at the end of the museum.
"Harry and Hermione!" a man greeted them. "I hope you have enjoyed your time in the museum?"
"Oh, yes!" Hermione exclaimed sincerely. Harry mumbled a "yes" as well.
"How would you like to make your own paper today?" the man asked.
"Wicked," said Hermione, again with no sarcasm. Harry simply nodded.
The man lead them through the process of making paper. First, they soaked cotton, linen, and hemp in a large sink. Then, they rolled the mixture through a giant wheel that flattened it. They were allowed to dye it any color they wanted. Hermione chose a pale pink, and Harry a Gryffindor gold. They pressed out the water and laid the paper to dry.
"I'll admit," said Harry, "I was less than enthused by this activity when I first heard about it, but, that was kinda relaxing. It's nice to do something by hand for a change."
"I agree," said Hermione, taking his hand warmly.
The man said, "You two are sweet. I'd like to give you a present."
"Oh, you don't have to," said Hermione, blushing.
"He probably does," Harry muttered.
"Here," said the man, handing them each a white sheet of paper, "write. To each other. I will seal away your letters, and you can read them tomorrow morning."
"Oh! Oh, okay," said Hermione, accepting.
"Uhhh, sure!" Harry said.
HARRY CAM: "Merlin! Can the pressure on this date get any greater? I might as well be writing my wedding vows! Erm...I mean, head start, I guess!"
They went to separate rooms to contemplate. When finished, the crew took them to dinner on the beach.
"What did you write?" Harry asked her over a plate of seafood pasta.
"I'm not telling!" Hermione gasped. "That's no fun."
"I was nervous as hell, I'll admit," said Harry.
"Really? Why?" asked Hermione.
"Because if I write something stupid, that's how you're going to remember me before the rose ceremony!" he exclaimed.
Her stomach gave a lurch when he said "rose ceremony." Once again, another round of dates was leaving her more as opposed to less conflicted. A crewmember approached their table with an envelope.
"Oh, good," said Harry in relief. "Let's get it over with now."
"Get it over with? Geez, Mr. Romance over here," said Hermione. She handed him the envelope.
"Me first, alright," said Harry. He opened it. "Oh, this isn't our letters. This is from Gilderoy. Harry and Hermione," Harry read, "I hope that you are enjoying your stay on beautiful Amalfi Coast in Greece." He stopped. "Wait, Greece?!"
"NO!" Hermione burst. "It does NOT say Greece!"
He flashed her the card. "Greece."
She looked at it and screamed. "Gilderoy really is an idiot, isn't he?!"
"Either that or we're in the wrong place," said Harry. He continued. "Should you choose to forgo your individual rooms, please use this key to stay as a couple in the fantasy suite." He raised his eyebrows at her. "Well then..."
"Do you want to?"
He sighed. "I had another idea," he said.
"Wha...umm...okay?"
"One word," he said. "Fireplace."
Hermione slammed down her fork. She took his hand, and they apparated to Harry's room.
"Wait...THIS IS THE FANTASY SUITE?!" Hermione shouted when they arrived.
"Haha, no way! I'm staying in the fantasy suite! Wait...NO! That doesn't make sense!" Harry exclaimed.
"Yeah, there's never a Floo in the...OH MY GODS!"
Harry gasped and whipped out his wand at the fireplace. "AHAHA! WE'VE GOT YOU NOW!"
Hermione screamed, thinking Harry might be undergoing a bout of PTSD instead of about to begin a magical investigation. But, he didn't attack the fireplace, and instead began a series of magical de-enchantments. Hermione joined. It was a puzzle, but together, they cracked it. When they were done, they laid on the floor, exhausted.
"That. Was. Awesome!" Hermione exclaimed.
"That was damn good, wasn't it?" Harry said. "You were bloody brilliant."
"So were you," said Hermione. She paused. "Harry?"
"Yeah?"
"How are you going to get home now that we've deprogrammed the Floo?"
He paused. "Bollocks."
"That was kinda dumb now that I think about it."
"Yeah, but...we won."
"Totally won."
"Want to go to the fantasy suite now?"
"Absolutely."
The fantasy suite was more of a fantasy cottage on the top of a hill. It had the standard fantasy suite amenities: a kitchenette with champagne and desserts waiting, the king bed, the hot tub. It was full of Italian art that looked suspiciously real to Hermione.
After they departed in the morning, Harry and Hermione received their letters. Hermione sat reading Harry's surprisingly heartwarming paragraph in the pegasus-drawn carriage next to Gilderoy. She had tears in her eyes.
Dear Hermione,
I have not been a very lucky man. I have always longed for something normal, something real, something right in my life, and I believe that I have found it in you. I hope that you feel the same way too. I love you, Hermione. I know I'm not the most romantic guy, or the best looking, but I do love you. I hope that counts for something. I would be more than honored to spend the rest of my life with you.
Harry
"So," Gilderoy said, breaking her thoughts, "you know you have to make a decision. We can't cliffhanger this one. It's The Men Tell All next week, and then, well..."
Hermione sighed. "Right," she said. "Gilderoy, if you had asked me at the start of this who the final two were going to be...this is definitely not what I would have thought. I had a couple of very strong initial connections, and...this connection grew very strong very fast...but...after spending another whole day with all three of these men...oh, Gilderoy! I can't do this!"
"You have to!" Gilderoy sighed. "I mean, I get that it's hard, but, you know, follow your heart."
"Gilderoy, where are they? The men, I mean. Are they all in London?"
"Yes," he said. "Waiting for you."
"I can't do this break-up at the rose ceremony. Gilderoy, this person deserves so much better than that," said Hermione.
"Ohhhh, I see what you're saying," said Gilderoy. This hadn't been the first time the Bachelor and Bachelorette had decided on a "dignified break-up" over the traditional rose ceremony. He personally thought that the rose ceremony was cleaner and easier, but, he understood the impulse. With how close Hermione had gotten to her final three, it surely made sense. "Okay, Hermione," said Gilderoy. "Who do you need?"
Ron lay in his hotel room wearing only his boxers staring mindlessly at the telly when an unexpected knock startled him. He quickly threw on pants and went to the door. Hermione was there in plain clothes and looking glum, but still breathtaking in his eyes.
"Hey," he said soothingly, taking her in his arms. "What's wrong?"
"We need to talk," she said.
"Okay," he said shakily. They sat down on the foot of the nearest bed.
"Ron," Hermione started, then sighed. He took her hand. "Ron," she started again. "You have been nothing but wonderful throughout this whole thing."
"Yeah?" he said. His voice cracked. His head was spinning. He had an idea what was happening, but he didn't want to believe it.
"Ron, I need you to know, that I truly was falling in love with you," said Hermione.
Ron shook his head. "Then why..." he started. Tears started to fall from his eyes despite his best efforts. "No, Hermione, you're mixed up. This can't be right."
"I took as much time as I could to think about it, Ron. This is what my heart and my head both tell me is right," said Hermione. "There was of course a large part of me that didn't want to believe it. I wanted it to be you, for so long, I really did."
"THEN WHY?!" Ron burst. He threw her hand away and sprang off the bed. "If you want it to be me, why not just let it be me?"
"Because I can't, Ron! There are other feelings involved. Feelings that have grown so strong I can't deny them," said Hermione. "And although everything was right between us, there are just things that are...more right."
Ron sighed and crouched down on the floor. Hermione bent down to console him, and Ron swatted her away. "Leave me," he said.
"I'm not leaving you like this!" she protested.
"Do you love him? Or both of them, whatever?"
"Yes," said Hermione. "I am in love."
He gritted his teeth and groaned, throwing his head back against the bed. Without looking at her, he said, "Fine."
"Fine? That's all you have to say?"
"What the bloody hell else do you want me to say, Hermione?"
"Fine. Okay then." She went to the door, and turned back to say something else. No, she thought. Let him be for now. He'll come around, and maybe, just maybe, Molly Weasley won't murder me.
Neville and Harry sat on the giant couch at the Bachelor mansion. "Where's Ron?" Neville asked.
"He didn't respond to my text," said Harry. "So I don't know. I hope everything's okay."
Gilderoy and Hermione entered. Harry and Neville stood up. Hermione beamed at them.
"Gentlemen," said Gilderoy. "Hermione," he said, nodding to her. "I'll leave you to it." Gilderoy left.
Harry's and Neville's confused eyes followed him out of the room, then turned their attention back to Hermione. She was smiling warmly. "Harry, Neville," she said.
"Hermione," they said together, then snickered. No matter how their numbers dwindled, the suitors always responded the same way.
"I sent Ron home this morning," she said.
"Oh, shit," said Harry.
"So, Neville, Harry," Hermione said. She picked up the rose tray from the coffee table. "Will you accept these roses, and come to meet my parents?"
"YES!" they cried.
It was an awkward portrait: Harry on one side, Neville on the other, each bearing a rose on his lapel. They both kissed her, and then stared over her head at each other. In one week, one of them would be proposing to her. Each had good reason to be confident. And Hermione between them, had surely fallen in love with one, but was also falling fast for the other. If this experience had taught her anything, it's that a whole lot could happen in only one week.
A/N: Guys...GUYS...I changed the ending to this chapter about three times. I'm still unsure about it, ugh! The struggle is REAL! I resorted to writing a letter not only to Harry but to Ron and Neville to compare her feelings. I'll try to work the two letters into the last chapter. I'm excited to take a break from the feels and write "The Men Tell All" for you. See you next time on MBBC's The Bachelorette!