A/N: Here's the new chapter at last—was hoping to get it out by Christmas but a fair bit of stuff happened. Glad to make it in time before winter ends, and thank you all so much for waiting. I hope you'll enjoy it.

Disclaimer: BLEACH and its characters belong to Kubo Tite.

Chapter 30 - A Warm Winter: Part One

Abarai Renji barely slept for the past two nights.

Partly from the shock at what really happened at the parking lot, but mostly from the mounting phone calls he had to fend off when he returned to the agency office right after blasting Ichigo with the news. Renji had to cobble up some sort of explanation to the agency honchos, who, like the redhead, were blindsided by the photos. But he was also careful to omit whatever Ichigo had revealed, insisting to them that it was just a misunderstanding. He knew how the agency was concerned with the recent spate of rumours that threatened to put their increasingly bankable star in a bad light, and there was no way they would put up with more, not when Ichigo was on the cusp of true movie stardom.

While it may not be newsworthy when a serial cheater gets caught in the act, it's definitely something of note when a rising star who built his public image as a suave, cool, but good guy, is the offender. The Asian entertainment industry takes the values of their favourite celebrities very seriously.

In short, Renji needed to deal with this situation carefully, and come up with some brilliant media ploy that would leave his best friend's reputation untainted.

The photos he showed Ichigo were now plastered on tabloids in Tokyo and internet forums, with many speculating the identities of the two fuzzy silhouettes. Naturally, Ichigo's name popped up one too many times in the searches and forum posts, and it became a foregone conclusion that he was involved in the midnight rendezvous. Within the span of a day, the intense debate switched to the mysterious person whose face wasn't captured by the camera and with it, came forth the ravenous paparazzi, stalking the agency office, thirsting for a piece of the actor.

Renji dodged the reporters by slipping through the side gate on his way out, skulking across a quiet neighbourhood park before getting into his car. He had been seen with Ichigo a few times at press conferences—surely some of them would have seen his face before, so he decided to be extra careful by parking at a distance from the office. Renji rubbed his temples irritably as he adjusted the rear view mirror, checking several times to make sure that no one was following him as he circled the streets before entering the main road to the highway.

It's all my fault, Renji thought miserably as he cruised down the highway. I made Ichigo do the movie, and I laughed at him. He complained about Ulquiorra for the longest time and I laughed at him again. It's payback for all the laughing I did. Renji was then reminded of that afternoon when he lost his mind and smashed the miniature Ichigo and Ulquiorra felt dolls together in a passionate kiss. That must be it. That cottony kiss must have brought about the sudden change in their relationship!

As the redhead drove down the highway to the Kurosaki home, he checked the rearview mirror every now and then to make sure no one was following him. Then again, nobody would ever imagine that the popular idol-turned-actor with a flashy appearance was actually staying with his family in a nondescript two-storey house on the outskirts of Tokyo.

Ichigo was reading the latest release of his favourite manga at his desk when the redhead came around. The actor would usually mutter a "Yo" by way of greeting whenever Renji came over, but he didn't this time, and his body remained stooped over the desk, as if deep in thought. Standing by the doorway, Renji realised it wasn't that Ichigo was immersed in the manga. No one stares at a single-page panel for several minutes, no matter how fascinating the manga may be.

Renji cleared his throat. "Heya."

Ichigo's head snapped up at once, as if he was rudely jolted from deep thought. Realising that it was the redhead, he visibly relaxed. "Oh it's you. Say something when you're here. Don't scare me like that."

Renji dropped off his knapsack at the door and sat at the foot of Ichigo's bed, stretching his long legs in front of him after an hour's drive. "You know, I'm finding it really hard to look you in the eye. That's me, by the way. Not the old fogeys I had to be nice to at the meeting."

"Then don't." Ichigo returned to his manga. "You can staple your eyes shut while you talk."

"Ouch. Who did you pick up that mean guy talk from?" Renji feigned a hurtful look. "I didn't know that you can absorb another person's personality by swapping saliva." The redhead watched in delight as Ichigo squirmed in his chair, obviously trying very hard to read the manga and pretending that he never heard Renji at all.

Ichigo spoke with his face hidden behind the manga. "What did they say?"

Renji tried to disguise his smirk behind a mask of professional ardor. "The usual…you know. Take care of these stuff yourself, and it's best if we can turn crisis into opportunity."

"Crisis? Don't make me laugh. Give it another week or two and no one will remember this."

The redhead shrugged. "They think you're doing very well to get your name out and about through the filming process, to the point where you're starting to outshine Ul—"

"—Bullshit," Ichigo cut in.

"If we ride this wave carefully, it'll bode well for you. 2010 is going to be a step up in terms of your career. Since Ulq—" Renji was interrupted by Ichigo's sudden bout of throat clearing. "Since your co-star doesn't dabble much in the movie promotion stuff, the bulk of the demand will fall to you. I've been talking to some broadcasters, and they are thinking of having you host some short programs about the Bakumatsu period as a tie-in to the movie."

"Fine with me."

"And then about you kissing Ulq—"

Ichigo flung the manga down on the table, revealing the fine flush creeping across his cheeks. "We—did—not!"

"Chill, dude. I didn't reveal your little secret. They probably thought it's just some girl you met, or maybe a stylist from the movie. Right now, the most important thing is to get the first word out before people go crazy with speculation. We need to manage this carefully. I can see there are three things at stake here: your reputation, Inoue's reputation, and Ulq—" Renji cleared his throat quickly when he noticed Ichigo's stare threatening instant death sent his way. "You know who I mean. Anyway, I've thought up something already."

"What?"

"Since your eyes in the tabloid picture are blacked out and the other person's face cannot be seen, you have two options. One, keep silent that it is you in the picture, and make tons of obvious-but-not-obvious hints that the one you are kissing is Inoue—"

"For the thousandth time I repeat—"

Renji interrupted the actor's protest and continued: "We need to get Inoue's cooperation for this and have her dressed up in more boxy clothes so that her silhouette would match Ul—", he quickly corrected himself, "—the other person in the picture. It's a good thing they are shorter than you. It's perhaps the only good thing to emerge from this shit!"

Ichigo waved Renji's cry away. "What's the second option?"

"Pretend that the man in the picture isn't you at all. Defend this lie to the death and never speak of it again," Renji said. "No matter what people say, insist that they got it wrong and then pray with all your heart that a big enough scandal erupts soon enough and yours will be happily buried and forgotten. Then two or three weeks later, tweet something cryptic like 'Don't always believe everything you read', and get your name back in the limelight again. If everything works out perfectly, it should be in time for the release of the first Autumn Chrysalis teaser in mid February. How does that sound?"

Ichigo's frown turned from annoyance to thoughtfulness as he mulled over the two choices. "Like you said, it's pretty obvious that the man in the photo is me. Wouldn't it get worse if I deny it? But there's no point in dragging Inoue into this."

"It's either A or B. The longer you wait to come out and clarify things, the worse it's gonna get. Do you want to be labelled a cheater, or a man who loves his girlfriend so much that he can't keep his hands off her even at a stinkin' carpark? Do you know the commercial fallout if the public sees you as that? We're talking endorsements struck off—and I worked my guts out to land you that sportswear deal next spring, I'm not gonna see it go up in smoke. In case we're going for A, I've got the guys on standby to work the internet forums and plant nuggets of our narrative here and there to make everyone think that you were with Inoue that night. The press is going to be hot on your toes soon, it's the best time to make them work for you and paint the story you want everyone to see."

Renji paused, watching his best friend lurch in silence. The redhead searched for traces of guilt on the actor's face but he found only a deepening frown that formed a crease in the space between his eyebrows.

"I swear it won't be before long until someone starts putting two and two together from those blind items in September. It's nice to have your name widely discussed from time to time, but too much smoke and people will know something is up for sure."

Ichigo spun around in his chair meaninglessly as Renji's tirade appeared lost on him. The redhead wondered what was going through Ichigo's mind since yesterday—from that abrupt reddening of cheeks to his listless demeanour. Renji had a dozen questions which he had been itching to ask his best friend since September, when he noticed Ichigo was hardly home and barely replied his messages, and then out of the blue there were those unverified blurry snaps of him and Ulquiorra stepping out of a motel together. But as brazenly honest as Ichigo was, he could also be stubbornly tight-lipped when he wanted to be, to the point of sheer opacity. What on earth was Ichigo hiding from him?

"Oi, stupid strawberry. We've been friends since what, middle school?"

"Elementary, idiot."

"See, on account of our long ass friendship, you can come clean with me. Is there something going on between you and someone that I don't know about?"

For the second time that day Renji studied his friend's face for any giveaway of his true feelings, and was so caught up in trying to charge Ichigo as guilty, that he failed to see Ichigo discreetly adjusting his body to block the wallet on his desk from Renji's view. Ichigo cursed himself for not removing a certain offending picture from his wallet. It wasn't as if he had looked at the picture again. He had purely forgotten that it was still in there. That was all.

"Nope. Nothing. Zero. Zilch."

Renji narrowed his eyes at Ichigo. "Then where the hell were you hiding for almost the whole of September?"

"Huh? I was busy practising my lines. I needed full concentration to work on my scenes."

Renji decided to take the plunge. "With your co-star?"

"Yeah. Telepathically."

"Come on. I haven't heard any juicy news from you since what…high school?" The redhead kicked at his friend's feet in annoyance. "You denied it forever and then just two months before graduating, you finally 'fessed up that you've been dating that girl from your activity club for eight months! Speaking of which, didn't she have short black hair, something of a pixie cut? I recall she was rather pale too, with large sparkly eyes." Renji eyed Ichigo knowingly before releasing a mock gasp. "Oh my. Do you have a type?"

"It was only three months for crying out loud." Ichigo folded his arms impatiently. "And it ended by the time I told you."

"That girl confessed to you and you agreed to go along with it because she's a fan of Audrey Hepburn! Right?"

"…I guess so."

"What did you do together?"

"Watched some movies, I think."

"And? Are you leaving out the juicy details on purpose?"

"We did some digging around the shops for old films. That's pretty much what I can remember."

Renji's expression rapidly switched from one of anticipation to boredom. "You mean you formed a two-person oldie movie fan club. Didn't you do anything…and I mean, anything, at all? Like holding hands or even ki—"

"What are you on about? Of course it wasn't appropriate to do anything more!"

The redhead couldn't help but inwardly contrast his best friend's conservative words with his salacious scenes with Ulquiorra onscreen. Kurosaki Ichigo was truly an adult man now, willing to go above and beyond what he had to do. Still inexperienced, though. Renji swallowed his inner mirth and gave the actor another quick glance. Who knew how many takes they had to do to get the picky director's approval?

"You didn't keep in touch?"

Ichigo shrugged. "There wasn't much to talk about."

"But she liked the same movies as you did. You just said so yourself."

"Many people like Audrey Hepburn's movies. Does that mean I have to date them all?"

"You certainly started the ball rolling, my friend with the cute name."

"It's not me, OK?" Ichigo grew defensive. "How can you call yourself a fan when you can't even remember those classic lines between Princess Ann and Joe Bradley? I don't understand these people."

"I don't understand you either!"

Renji's sudden outburst earned a look of surprise from the actor. Embarrassed, the redhead cleared his throat. "What I'm hearing is, if someone were to exchange movie dialogues with you now, word for word, you would date them even if you don't like them?"

"None of you wanted to watch the films with me and I thought it was fun to finally discuss them with someone who got it," Ichigo shot back irritably. "It wasn't anything serious then." He paused to throw another dirty look at his friend. "For your info, whatever you think is happening between that packet of ice cubes and me is not going to happen at all."

"You mean Ul—"

"You of all people should know why I agreed to the contract with Inoue."

Renji held up his forefinger and recounted exactly what Ichigo adamantly told him two years ago. "Number 1 - I want to focus on my acting." Another finger. "Number 2 - I want to get better at my acting." A third finger. "Number 3 - I'm going to become an actor so good that I'll disappear completely into the role."

"Add Number 4 - I'll become the best actor in Japan."

"Really? You're going to dethrone Ul—"

"No one can stay at the top forever." Ichigo reached for his wallet on the table and dumped it inside his bag. "Anyway, I've decided. Since we can't outrun the tabloid machine, then like you said, we'll make it work for us."

Renji sighed inwardly. Ichigo might had eluded him again, but Renji promised himself that for the sake of his own dignity and maybe curiosity, he would wring the truth out of the actor one day. Or perhaps, seeing how distracted he looked, Renji would come knocking again when Ichigo could finally sense that something creeping under his skin.

"Great. I'll start ringing up the folks on standby. What's next?"

"Get me a place at the usual restaurant at eight tonight. I'll call Inoue."

The last time Ulquiorra visited his mother in Hakodate was two years ago. It was in December too, sometime after his 23rd birthday. He had almost forgotten how bright the port city was in winter, with layers and layers of white dusted everywhere: on rooftops, on the roads, piling up on driveways that hadn't been cleared. It made him feel more conspicuous than ever, and he took great pains to disguise himself whenever he headed out.

Knowing that he would end up jostling with the crowds at the famous Hakodate sights at this time of the year, he wore colored contacts that veiled the distinctive green of his irises, had his hair cut after five months of pure neglect, and wore a thick snood that covered the lower part of his face, all under the guise of keeping his nose warm. In his casual get-up, he was virtually unrecognizable unless you looked really closely. Even then you could argue that the man himself was at best a lookalike.

Of course, if Ulquiorra had a choice, he would not leave his mother's apartment at all. Since he arrived a week ago with Sakana, Mrs Schiffer sent him out on errands everyday, and insisted that they complete a short hike before dinner each time. She demanded that he inhale as much 'cool forest air' as his lungs could possibly fill, because in Tokyo, where he worked and lived, there were so many people fighting for the same mouthful of air. She was worried that he might faint one day.

Ulquiorra settled into a window seat at a traditional coffee house along Motomachi. It was one of those rare days his mother didn't send him running around the whole of Hakodate to buy some special grade of salt or cheese snaffle. Instead, she had asked that he accompany her for a stroll around the local port.

"Is this about inhaling cool sea breeze?" Ulquiorra asked as they walked the length of the port.

"Oh? Isn't our Quiqui already salty enough?"

"Salty?"

Mrs Schiffer chuckled.

"Mother, please explain."

"Why don't you ask Ichi-kun? He's a smart boy. I'm sure he knows the answer!"

The raven didn't know what his mother was driving at by mentioning his co-star's name out of the blue. She'd continue to bring up his name every now and then for the rest of his time in Hakodate, her soft brown eyes crinkling in mirth as she crooned the end of her nickname for him. He recalled how they had teamed up to infuriate him, and how his mother's overly generous sharing of his childhood had allowed the younger actor to learn of his greatest weakness. To think he even had the nerve to exploit it.

Ulquiorra placed his face near the window and gazed at the wintry backdrop sloping down to Hakodate Port. It was almost five p.m., anytime from now the darkness would rise from the sea and spread across the face of the city. Sitting at the same spot, watching the same sunset unfold over Motomachi while the earthy aroma of coffee filled the shop, was something he had grown familiar with. Ever since Mrs Schiffer moved back to her hometown when he turned twenty, he'd return every June and December to stay with her, with his longest stay lasting two months. He chose to take refuge here, after his breakout role in his third movie turned him into one of the most sought after actors in Japan. It was also here that he decided to alter his public appearance through a touch of makeup down his cheeks, so that he could hide in plain sight.

Mrs Schiffer returned with two cups of black coffee and a small plate of red bean cookies. "Good old Hakodate. All that snow, and you still can never get sick of seeing the same scene every year."

"It will be sometime before I can see this view again."

"Things around here don't change much, Quiqui. What you see now will still be here when you return."

"Is that so."

Ulquiorra took his coffee and held it under his nose. For some reason, he had been feeling unsettled since he came to Hakodate, and the whiff of freshly brewed coffee set him at ease, if only briefly. He had so many questions to ask and so little time left. It didn't help that his mother's words from their phone call continued to hammer into his head, refusing to give him peace. He took a sip from the cup and set it down on the table. He'd expected the coffee to warm him up, but the indoor heating must be faulty. That would explain the chilliness in the coffeehouse. The actor buried his hands in the pockets of his coat, the same long, straight green one he wore at the parking lot. His fingers subconsciously dug into the seams, as though searching out the faint warmth he received from Ichigo's scarf that night.

"You're making that face."

"What face?"

A small smile tugged at her lips. "Like you're trying to crack the toughest math problem in the world. In your mind, you must be trying to sort everything into their right categories, string them into an equation, and then solve for the unknown variable. I've seen it before." Her smile grew wider. "Your old man had that same face too. I think that was when he debated whether he should marry me or not." The smile became soft laughter that filled their corner. "I guess it's the kind of face you make when you're thinking about the things that can change your life in a flash."

Mrs Schiffer put two brown sugars in her coffee and stirred. "At that time, your dad kept quoting this philosopher, thinking that someone who has been dead ages ago could influence his life. It was so ridiculous that I didn't bother remembering his name. I can vaguely recall that he said something to this effect: life was a constant experiment waiting to be proven, so it's important to get results. Real, rock solid results to prove to the world that your life wasn't lived in vain. Of course, we had a long argument about that."

Ulquiorra's fingers were still bunched together in his pockets. He was certain that other than the vague sensation of something unfamiliar stinging his fingertips, he was holding nothing but an inept imagination, something that should had been banished together with his flu long ago. Was this the same tingling feeling he had when Ichigo revealed that he had truly wanted him over for dinner, and at the same time divulged that he had been paying attention to what Ulquiorra liked? Was that not a coincidence? Was it anything special to Ichigo? Ulquiorra stopped himself. The carrot top did have a good memory, so it shouldn't be a surprise that Ichigo could remember the finer details regarding other people's lives. Of course, these were merely pure speculations with no way to verify them. What was confirmed; what really existed, was his career in film, ready to launch on the biggest stage. He drank his coffee, which was fast turning cold.

"It's the same for Aizen-san's plans regarding my career. They are clear and precise. I can see how my career will pan out two years from now, being involved in movies written for different audiences, acting in roles that I have not tried before, experiencing a spectrum of emotions previously foreign to me, expressing my lines in a language I am not accustomed to. These are outcomes you can grasp. Besides, I've tried all kinds of roles over the years, to the point I think there are no more roles in Japanese cinema for me."

Such familiar words to his ears. Oh yes—he had a similar chat with Aizen when they discussed his growing overseas opportunities late last year. The variety of movies he had acted in just under four years also spoke volumes about his potential to scale the very pinnacle of acting. He'd repeated them often enough to himself, they gave him conviction to complete what could possibly be his final role in Japan. Then why now, of all times, did he feel like he was playing a character of his own making, saying the words he thought he should say, for his own sake?

"Moving to the US is the only choice. There will be no changes, even if I have not officially signed the contract." Ulquiorra's voice became low and quiet, as though he was talking to himself.

Mrs Schiffer glanced at her son. That distant, almost melancholic expression on his face. Did he look like this too, when he fielded question after question over the phone last week with dogged persistence? His attempts to reason out the sheer fatigue that the heart brings; his impatience to nail down a fact he could adhere to, all pointed to him not just searching for any answer, but for one that resonated with his beliefs, so he could rubbish whatever was bothering him and go on with his life, just the way he'd wanted it to be. Even now, although he might not have realized it, he was rejecting everything she had said.

"That's good, if you're certain of it."

A barely discernible nod of the head was all Ulquiorra offered.

Mrs Schiffer couldn't help but laugh at her son's muted response. Ulquiorra looked at her, puzzled.

"Mother?"

"It's just...since you're so sure, then why are you still making that face?"

Ulquiorra promptly averted his mother's inquiring eyes and stared at his coffee instead. He took his time to finish the last of his coffee, the bitterness of the brew biting the back of his tongue. The sun was beginning to set. Outside the coffeehouse, a group of travellers came and left, their chatter temporarily lifting the darkness that blanketed the city. Silence was supposed to accompany nightfall in this part of Hokkaido. To Ulquiorra, it served only to amplify the noise in his head. The unease eating away at him had returned, but the coffee was now gone.

"Mother, do you remember what you told me over the phone? You said that the heart always wins in the end."

"That's right."

"How do you decide that something as singular and fragile as a heart will bring victory and not a loss?"

"That's the risk you have to take. In the end, all you can do is close your eyes and leap off the plank, and pray that someone catches you before you hit the ground."

"It does not make sense to place your life in an imaginary person's hands. The repercussions are grave."

"Some people think it's worth it."

"Will it still be worth it if they lose everything else in the process?"

Mrs Schiffer gave it some thought. "It depends on how much your heart wants to beat for the other person, even if you end up with nothing in the end."

Halfway through their conversation, Ulquiorra had unknowingly bunched up his fingers in the coat pockets again. The tingling in his fingertips became more pronounced, as if attempting to shake the conviction he held so staunchly toward his future. A visible, measurable one, but volatile no less. Precisely because of that, there was no room for hesitation. There shouldn't be any. But right now, Ulquiorra knew that if he didn't say the words he'd wanted to say, not for his own sake and not for a future he could evidently grasp, he might never have the chance to say them again.

"Will I look like a child, if I were to admit right now, that I don't know what I will lose if I leave?" Ulquiorra spoke slowly, as though each word weighed like lead in his mouth. "Will it be childish and irresponsible of me, if I say I don't know what I will lose if I don't go there?"

He couldn't quite believe what he was hearing, although the words he was saying out loud were unmistakably in his own voice. He almost felt betrayed by himself, yet still the words stubbornly trickled out, wanting to see the light of the day

Mrs Schiffer was equally, if not more, taken aback. She didn't expect her normally aloof son to be this upfront with her. Mrs Schiffer's thoughts drifted back to the sprightly young man she saw with her son when she went to Tokyo. While she wasn't familiar with the local entertainment scene and hardly went to the movies, she knew he was an actor. Her colleagues at the clinic had gushed about him before, saying that the hot vampire boy with bright orange hair and the burning brown gaze was perfect son-in-law material. She couldn't be any more surprised to see him at Ulquiorra's place, behaving so cheekily around her serious son. Ichigo was evidently comfortable in his surroundings, which meant that he had been to Ulquiorra's home often enough. Ulquiorra wasn't the type to invite people to his home, and she was sure that habit of his remained unchanged even as he now stayed alone in a ridiculously big apartment. Ulquiorra might not know it himself, but she saw how he reacted towards Ichigo with the naïveté of a curious child, catching every action or message of his and hitting it back across the court, as if testing the multitude of reactions he could extract from the younger actor, who always responded with his own feisty choice of words.

Ulquiorra wasn't exactly known for his conversational skills, even as a child. He mainly stayed in the background, but when he spoke, he was as direct and blunt as his father. Even more than his father, there was sometimes a ruthless edge to his words, and he would risk offending people. Mrs Schiffer felt that perhaps she had worried for Ulquiorra's safety, that she enrolled him in kendo classes as a child. The fact that he excelled at it, flying through the technical levels with masterful ease while being terrible at swimming, was something else unexpected altogether. If it took just one dinner for her to see the kind of effect Ichigo had on her son, then he must had known that something was not quite right, and that something, whatever that might be, didn't have the appropriate vocabulary in his dictionary.

"Let's do this one at a time." Mrs Schiffer shuffled the empty cutlery to one side of the table, and urged her son to place his hands on the table, palms up.

"The first and most important step is when you find that something you've been searching for. I honestly can't tell you how it'll look like, or how long you'll take to find it. All I know that it's often small and difficult to see, and it pops up when you least expect it." She pursed her fingers together to mimic the awkward clamber of a small chick as it climbed onto her son's outstretched hand. "When you find it, and when you do really find it, grasp it in your hand at once so you will never lose it." Using her other hand, she closed his fingers around it, as though he was nursing something precious in the heart of his palm.

"Like this." Mrs Schiffer ended off her flourish with a light tap on Ulquiorra's still-closed hand. "This is your victory already, finding that tiny elusive thing to hold in your hand."

"A victory that I can hold, but a victory that may not have a real outcome after all. This is contradictory."

"It is logical, if you want it to be."

"How so, Mother? Why does it make perfect sense to you, and not to me?"

"Because to someone as simple as your mother," Mrs Schiffer covered her son's hand tenderly, "this is something that I just cannot lose."

Ulquiorra stared at his hand, still balled up loosely around something that could not yet be seen. He knew he would continue to be haunted by what she said, until he found what was his to hold.

End note:

The places mentioned in this chapter are found in Hakodate, a popular seaside resort town in Hokkaido. I was researching for a badly-needed trip recently and ended up searching for Hakodate sunsets. It's breathtaking—Japanese streets and snow against the yolk orange sheen of sunset. I hope to go there, squeeze among the tourists, and see it for myself someday!

It's a talky chapter—thanks for getting through it! I hope it didn't bore you too much. Do also feel free to leave me your thoughts on the story, I love reading them!

In other news, the next chapter is almost done (also a bit talky) and I'll be uploading it after I'm done with editing. Please look forward to it! :)