#####OQ#####
"Mr. Queen, does your left arm hurt?"
"No, my chest. Can't breathe."
The EMT's rushed him on a stretcher into a small room, with curtains and glass doors and way too many people in one small space. So many people. Too many people.
He needed to throw up as his heart pounded in his chest.
A crush of people moved at once and his head pounded. Fighting the urge to vomit, he felt like he was passing out drunk, while the room moved way too fast.
His brain refused to engage, and he had major problems thinking, problems staying here.
Please, let him stay here. He used all his control to stay here but found he was in danger of losing control of the situation.
Everything moved from too fast to slow motion, as the room became fuzzy, and he fought his stomach dropped like a he had plunged on a roller coaster.
He'd lost control of the situation and it overpowered him, sickened him.
"He's big. A little help here. On three. One, two, three." And four of them had moved him onto the bed.
"Wait."
He thought he said, but all he could think was darn it, Felicity, why did you have to come home early? By now, he would have been awake and recovered, and she would have never known, let alone called 911.
And he wouldn't be in this situation.
Oh, why did she have to call 911?
You would think she would know better after all they had been through.
"Let's move. Lisa, get some blood drawn. The rest of you get him on oxygen, get his shirt off and get the leads on."
Too many hands reached for him at once, hands that seemed everywhere, and he couldn't control anything.
His heart pounded, and his breath came in small gasps.
A nurse tried to put oxygen on his nose. Another nurse had his arm, coming at him with a needle, when he abruptly realized that another nurse was holding scissors and was reaching to cut his shirt off and his survival mode immediately kicked in.
"NO! STOP!" His hand caught the woman's wrist just before her scissors reached his shirt. No way he was taking his shirt off in front of this many people.
His team already knew way too much about him. He'd be damned if he'd let all these people see his chest and back.
"Stop." He pushed the other woman, the one who had hold of his arm coming at him with a needle, smoothly away from him. He was not trying to hurt her, but he shoved her away from him. Then he released the woman with the scissors, and he pushed the oxygen away too and sat straight up, trying to ignore his tight chest.
"Step away from me! Don't touch me. I don't want to hurt anyone."
The EMT beside him chose that moment to move, and he pushed them all away from him, roaring, "Just don't touch me. Back off. Don't come any closer."
His voice was pure Arrow, dark and deep. And he really meant his words. Touching him right now was not a good idea.
No, it was a terrible idea and he was going to definitely going to hurt someone if they keep coming at him.
"Mr. Queen, you need to calm down. We are only trying to help you here," said a man, wearing a white coat.
Okay, this man was a doctor, but he still needed to step back from him.
"Just don't touch me. It is too many hands. You don't understand. I don't feel well and you all need to back away from me. I mean it. I don't want to hurt anyone."
Damn, his chest hurt, tightening like a vise as his head pounded. He knew they were trying to help, but he couldn't let them take his shirt off. He was going to lose control and it was too small of a town. Too many people would know what his chest looked like if they took his shirt off.
No matter what he had to keep his shirt on.
What was he going to do? He couldn't fight them. And none of them needed to know that he could be out of control, so he couldn't attack them. No, he couldn't let them take his shirt off in front of all these people, and he couldn't attack them.
What the hell was he going to do?
"Back away from me now, and don't touch me." He threw the pillow off the bed at them, but they still kept coming at him, kept moving.
"Look, I'm hyperventilating. I'm getting too much oxygen and that's what's wrong with me. So stop trying to touch me."
More carbon dioxide, he need more, so he held his breath, but still his anxiety rose. He knew they were trying to help him, but it was all he could do not to really make them stop, as they tried to reason with him and just kept trying to touch him.
Too many hands, he had to escape them, so quickly he rolled off the bed. Panting, he shoved the bed between him and them, as he quickly protected himself from them by putting his back against the wall, but they stilled tried to reason with him.
"Calm down, Mr. Queen. We're trying to help you here. You're having some type of high blood pressure problem. It could be a heart attack."
"I'm . . . fine. Stay away from me."
And he knew if they kept it up, he would fight them and there would be no way to stop himself if they kept coming. His heart raced, his breath came in gasps. His mind wanted to wander to the past, and he had to force himself to focus on now.
"Where's Felicity? I need Felicity." If there was time he needed her with him, it was right now.
"Mr. Queen, I don't know who you're talking about, but I'm sure she will be here soon. Right now, I want you to calm down and let us treat you. We're trying to help you. Now I need you to get back into the bed," said the doctor.
A nurse moved and he yelled, "Stop. Don't move! Please everyone be still."
But they weren't listening to him. The EMT that rode with him in the ambulance held his palms up. "Mr. Queen. Oliver, look at me. You're confused because your blood pressure is too high. We are trying to help you." But the man moved toward him, tried to get between the wall and the bed and the EMT reached to grab his arm, and he pushed the man back, causing the man almost to fall and the IV stand to hit the floor with a loud crash.
"Stay back, I don't want to hurt you. Don't touch me. I can't focus right now."
"It's going to be okay. You need to calm down," said the other EMT, who held his hands up, palms showing, trying to make him think he wasn't a threat, yet, he took a step toward him, which he took as a real threat.
"Mr. Queen, were just trying to help you, to treat you. You need to calm down, before you have a stroke or worse," said the doctor.
The entire situation overwhelmed him. Where was Felicity when he needed her?
"I mean it back off." He held his hand out, hoping that would stop them, while his other hand clutched his too tight chest. "I don't want to hurt anyone. Please there are just too many hands on me, touching me at once. I'm going to hurt someone."
The EMT said, "Oliver, you need to calm down and let us help you. Come on, your blood pressure's too high, you could be having a heart attack. I know your chest hurts. Let us help you."
But the man moved and unable to help himself, he pushed the man back away from him, knocking him over the crash cart and both the cart and the man went down with a loud bang and a thud.
One of the nurses screamed, and a solid female voice said, "Oh hush, Lisa. Go and find me a paper bag. And the rest of you back away from him. Oliver, would you kindly get back in the bed, so I can see if you're arresting or just hyperventilating."
And he'd never been so grateful to see Mae in his entire life.
"I'm hyperventilating." He gasped his words now.
"Well, since you've told me that you aren't a doctor, then if you don't mind, I'll decide that after I look at your EKG and your blood work."
"Well you need to hurry because I'm not staying here."
"I got this, Mae," said the doctor, with the white coat.
"Roger, I think you're going to get it if you keep trying to touch him. This man's a vet and is showing clear PTSD symptoms, so let's clear the room people. Thanks, Joe and Wayne, for bringing him in quickly, but you can go now. Right now, the fewer people in this room, the calmer he'll be. Now move."
As he watched, the EMTs left the room, and he breathed a sigh of relief, since they were the biggest threat and the ones he was most likely to hurt. But how dare Mae say he was exhibiting PTSD symptoms? Out loud no less.
"Mae, I'm the heart specialist here. He's my patient."
"I know that but forgive me, I'm taking him. And I know all of you are trying to help him, but Oliver and I have a lot of history. His girlfriend spent three weeks here. And he's the one who stopped the kid with the gun in the ER and saved my life. But right now, I don't know what he will do if you keep rushing him."
Mae looked at him and he grimaced, the pain in his chest intensifying, as she added, "I don't think he even knows what he'll do if we keep pushing him. Now we are all going to give him some room to calm down. Oliver, you don't look good. Get back in the bed."
He wrapped both arms about his chest to control the pain. Why was the room blurry?
"Megan, get me a gurney. We are moving him right now to critical care, his blood pressure is probably still off the charts. And then tell CCU we're coming. Get me a bed right now."
She then said, "Oliver, yes, you're right you're probably hyperventilating, and yes, your blood is probably too oxygen rich, which could be what's causing your chest pains. Now, I want you to hold your breath for like ten to fifteen seconds for three or four times in a row. You need more carbon dioxide and that will help."
"I have been doing that it and it's not helping." He managed to say.
"Well, keep it up and I mean it get back in the bed. Lisa, where is that bag?" She yelled out the door. "Go on," she pointed at another nurse, "Go find her and maybe by the time you do, he will be calm enough Lisa can draw his blood."
The nurse rushed out the door, and he crawled back in the bed and repeatedly held his breath, while clutching his chest.
"They don't recommend the paper bag anymore," said Roger, smugly.
"I don't care what they recommend. It works and it works quickly."
Then Mae said, "Emily, go right now and find Felicity Smoak, lovely blonde with a ponytail, wears glasses. You know who I'm talking about. Find her now. She's probably in admissions. And I don't care if they are done with her or not. Have her meet us in CCU, stat."
He nodded, yes, find Felicity, he thought. If there was ever a time he needed her, it was now.
Lisa returned with the paper bag, and he could see that the woman's hand trembled, as she handed it to him. He understood he'd frightened her. Thank goodness, Mae had shown up before he'd hurt any of them.
Mae said, "Breathe into the bag, Oliver. Were you having a flashback before you fell out?"
"I don't know."
And he was telling the truth. He just didn't remember. He had been reading Adrian's file and then he had been holding his chest, looking at Felicity and feeling strange before he'd passed out.
What had happened in between? Where had he been? He had just zoned out and it had happened before, many times before.
And he hated it.
"Oliver, Lisa is going to draw your blood. I need to see if you did have a heart attack and check your blood levels."
He nodded and held out his arm to let the young woman take his blood. The woman's hands trembled, as she took his blood, but she was quick and efficient. His chest pain was easing, so he was feeling some better.
When she was finished, Mae pulled out her stethoscope and ask him, "Oliver, how you feel?"
He winced in pain, before he said, "I have a really bad headache. My vision is off and my chest hurts. And I keep thinking I am going throw up. And, Mae, if you want to listen to my heart it will be through my shirt."
Mae placed a trashcan by the bed, then said, "How about I start with your blood pressure?"
He nodded his head.
"Mae, really this is my patient," said Roger.
"You're still here? Thanks, Roger but sorry, not anymore."
"Mae, your specialty is drowning."
"Well today, it's high blood pressure and hyperventilating. Oliver, choose who do you want to treat you? Him or me?"
No one, he thought, but he said, "You, Mae."
"Shut the door on your way out, Roger."
And yes, he'd been hyperventilating. He could remove the bag now. And this wasn't the first time, but this was the worst, he thought. And he bit his lip, upset with himself. The fury was rising. The darkness was beckoning so black inside him.
"Mae, I'm sorry for the trouble. I don't want treated. I'll be okay in a little bit."
How could he let this happen? The last place he wanted to be was here.
But he felt bad.
"Calm down, Oliver. If you don't calm down you're going to have another attack. Damn, you're still 186/132. Sometimes, I hate being right." Then she listened to his heart, through his shirt.
The nurse arrived with a gurney.
"Oliver, get on the gurney. You're headed upstairs. I have to get your blood pressure down."
"I don't need a gurney. I could walk. And I really don't want treated, Mae. No, I want to go home. If you will just find Felicity she can take me home."
"I don't think that is going to happen, Oliver. Your blood pressure is too high, and I don't know if you'll live if you leave. And Felicity would be really upset with me if I let you die."
She pulled a syringe from her pocket, as she said, "And I came prepared. Felicity warned me, during our 911 call that you're not always friendly when you wake up."
"You took her 911 call?"
His chances of talking Felicity into taking him home were evaporating. She was going to livid with him, he could see it coming.
"Of course, I did. Now since you're a huge fall risk right now, you will get on the gurney. Or I'll knock you out and you will still end up in CCU. Your choice. Awake or sleep. Or you going to fight an old woman?"
Knowing he couldn't fight Mae or what Felicity had told her, he climbed out the bed and onto the gurney, still hugging his chest.
"Good choice, Oliver," Mae said as the nurse, Megan, pushed him down the hall.
"Like I had one."
Quickly, she had pushed him into a large elevator, and they were headed upstairs.
Why wasn't he getting better? He should be better by now. But he felt like he was getting worse, and his mind was still cluttered, fuzzy.
He shut his eyes against the intense pain in his head, in his chest and by the time, he opened them again, they were moving through the doors of the critical care unit.
A place he could have went the rest of his life without ever seeing again. His hands grabbed the bars of the gurney in an attempt to steady himself.
Mae said, "Try to calm down, Oliver. This is just a precaution, nothing more. Stop thinking the worst."
Quickly, they got him in another room, and he managed to get in the bed. He was tired suddenly and it was all he could do to keep his eyes open.
"Oliver, you need an IV started, so I can start you on intravenous blood pressure medication. I have to get your numbers down or you are going to have organ damage. I'm going to look at your eyes. Okay?"
He nodded and she shined a small flashlight in his eyes.
"Your eyes still look good, no bleeding in the retinas, but unless you want to lose your sight you're going to let me put an IV in your arm. Can Betty put an IV in your arm, Oliver?"
"Where's Felicity? Why isn't she here? I can't think." He was starting to panic again, and Mae was talking to him.
"She's coming. I've sent for her. Just stay with me, Oliver. Let us get an IV started. I want you to breathe slower. Concentrate on taking longer breathes. Do you know how to meditate?"
"Yes." But he was struggling to hold on to now. He needed control right now.
In through his nose and out through his nose.
"You're going to feel a slight prick now," said the nurse.
"My eyes are blurry. Why can't I see right? Why isn't Felicity here? Wait, no IV. I don't want an IV." And he wretched away from the nurse. But he wasn't seeing the nurse, no.
"Grab him. Hold him. Crap. I blew his vein. Mae, his nose is bleeding."
"Get that IV in now. Oliver? Listen to me. Focus on your breathing. Oliver, I need to take your shirt off."
He could smell the blood, his blood. "NO! Stop touching me."
"Back away from him, everyone. Megan, hurry and get me some ice."
Mae's voice was getting further away and his chest was getting increasingly tighter, his breath shorter. He was feeling like he was stepping away from himself, from the room.
He was slipping away. "No, IV," he said sitting up, and he was no longer seeing the hospital room. He was pushing the men's hands back, yelling, "NO! Stop helping me."
"Oliver, hold this ice for me. And tip your head back. Your nose is bleeding."
Something cold was in his hand, and he opened his blurry eyes. Mae was shining a flashlight in his eyes again, and he was back in the hospital room, head pounding, chest hurting, and nose bleeding.
"It's cold."
"Yes, ice is. And it will help you stay here, not where ever you were headed a second ago. Ice will ground you to now. I learned a lot about PTSD after my son died, Oliver. And I can't help him, but I can still help you, so you be still, so she can get that IV in. I've got to get your blood pressure down."
######OQ######
"Felicity Smoak?" Asked a small dark headed woman, wearing pink scrubs with teddy bears, and who was now standing beside her.
"Mr. Queen's birthday?" Asked the women, who was admitting Oliver.
"May 16th, 1985, and yes, I'm Felicity Smoak." She looked up at the woman.
"Social security number?"
"I know it, but since I've seen the inside of your computer system's firewall, and haven't had the time to write you a new one, there is no way would I give it to you. I might as well just post it to Facebook."
"Ms. Smoak, you need to come with me right now. Mae wants you."
"But I'm not done with her. Can't you just give me five minutes?"
"Mae said now even if you aren't done with her, to bring her stat."
"Okay, take her. If that's what Mae wants."
Felicity grabbed her bag and followed the woman. Her nerves were getting the better of her, which always caused her to talk. "Oliver's alright isn't he? Everything is going to be all right. I can't believe he just fell out like that. Just passed smooth out on the porch. Why are you not assuring me that everything is going to be all right? Since you are being so quiet, now I'm thinking that something is really wrong, so very wrong. Is something wrong with Oliver? And why are we not going to the ER? We're going the wrong way. Upstairs is bad. Why is he not still in the ER? And why are you not telling me anything?"
They were in the elevator now and the woman smiled and said, "Because you haven't given me the chance to get a word in edge wise. Just calm down, Ms. Smoak. Wow, are both of you two high strung, are what? Mr. Queen was awake and talking the last time I saw him."
"Then why are we going into the critical care unit?" Her heart pound and her mouth went dry.
"Because that's where he is now," she said, as the nurse at the desk pointed toward a room.
She pulled the door open and then she ran to him.
"Oliver, your nose is bleeding and I want to punch you, do you know that? What is going on with you? How are you feeling? Mae what is going on?"
"Breathe, Felicity."
His hug was almost too tight, but she didn't say anything.
Mae said, "Felicity pinch his nose and let's get that nosebleed stopped. Gloves are by the sink if you want them."
She wasn't scared of his blood, and she reached and pinched his nose, as he touched her side.
"Why is he here in CCU? And wow, Oliver is your hand cold or what?"
"Ice, he's been holding ice. Having a slight problem keeping him here. Ice helps ground him. And his blood pressure is still too high. I've started his meds, and he should be getting better soon. Oliver, how's the vision?"
"Blurry."
"Felicity, now I need his shirt off and put the leads put on. I understand that he doesn't want to take his shirt off. But I need to see what his heart's doing. And I want telemetry on him asap."
The look he gave her was pure panicked, and she knew he didn't want anyone to see his chest.
"Then clear the room. Only you and me." She gave Mae an intense look.
She was protecting him and when their eyes locked she knew he knew it. But she didn't know if he could stand taking his shirt off, since she knew the scars bothered him. He didn't want people to know about his scars, and he'd wouldn't want his team to know more about them.
"Out," Mae ordered the two nurses. "And Mindy, shut the door and then make sure that no one comes in, and I mean no one."
"Oliver, just shut your eyes and it will be over in no time. It's just, Mae. Help me take your shirt off," she said, as she slid her hands under his shirt's hem, but when she started to pull it over his head, he reached and stilled the motion.
"Wait. Give me a second."
She met his eyes and said, "Shh, just shut your eyes. I'm right here. Mae's a doctor. She won't tell anyone, will you Mae?"
"Of course not, Oliver. And I already know you have scars, remember?"
Then she said to him, "I'm here for you. We can do this. Let Mae help you, Oliver. I knew this was going to happen, I warned you. And look where we are. You are past stressed, so just let Mae help you."
"I'll be fine. I just want to go home."
"No, you're going to stay here where Mae can help you. Oliver, your nose is bleeding, you can't see well, pay attention, you're sick. Come on, choose to stay with me, to live. If you won't let Mae help you for you then do it for me. I need you."
"Okay." And he released her hands, and she pulled his shirt off in a smooth motion, but she noted he didn't shut his eyes. No, he faced Mae, and he stuck out his chin in clear defiance.
He was such a guy sometimes, she thought, but she was proud of him because he'd just chosen life and her.
To give Mae credit, she took in all that horror that was his chest and said, "I'm going to put the EKG leads on. They are probably going to feel cold."
But Felicity still saw Mae run her eyes over the scars on his chest, taking in all the brutality his chest had seen. And she knew Mae was putting up a front, that she was no doubt shocked. She understood. She'd been shocked when she'd first seen his chest and then his back, so shocked that he had survived all those injuries, and she knew that he had more scars now, Ra's sword for one.
But to her credit, the older woman did not linger, no Mae used quick movements, as she attached the leads to his chest.
"Lie down," Mae ordered him, "I'm going to let the EKG run for a few minutes."
But first Felicity helped him slip a hospital gown on, covering him up. Her hand slipped carefully across his skin, and he tried to smile, but she could tell it was an effort for him.
Then she reached and held his cold hand, and she noted that he was hugging his chest, which meant he was in pain.
He was scaring her badly, the thought that he could really die on her frightened her. Jesus, he'd survived so much and now his own body, his own stress might take him from her.
"I love you," she told him softly. "But you scared me. I know you didn't want me to call 911. But I didn't know what else to do."
"It's a good thing you did, Felicity," said Mae. "He's not out of the woods yet. His blood pressure's out of control. He's a prime candidate for a stroke or heart attack and a list of other things, though amazingly it doesn't look like you had a heart attack, Oliver. Now, I need to take the leads off and put the telemetry on you."
Mae reached for his chest and he caught her hand.
"Sorry, reflex," he said, she thought a bit sheepishly, as he released Mae's hand, but he allowed her to remove the leads and put the other leads on. She watched Mae slip the small blue box into the pocket of his gown, then the woman walked over and opened the door and let the nurse back in.
"Get him hooked up. I want his blood pressure read every 10 to 15 minutes for the first two hours. If it isn't going down, call my cell. Felicity, a word please."
"Oliver, I will be right back. You stay put. Here's the remote."
"What am I supposed to do with that?"
"It turns the TV on."
"You know I don't watch TV."
"Then take a nap."
And he made a face.
"Okay, here," she pulled her hair tie from her hair, and he gave her a small knowing smile, as he took it.
"Just don't give Mindy a hard time. I'll be right back. Look at me, Oliver. I love you, remember that."
And his hand reached for her, and they touched each other, and their hands lingered before they parted.
Entering the hall, Mae walked down the hall and opened a small room, clearly a conference room.
"Tell me what is wrong with Oliver?" She demanded, as soon as they were inside and the door closed.
"I think he had a flashback that caused him to hyperventilate, which caused him to pass out and somehow spiked his blood pressure. Then when they got him to the ER, his PTSD kicked in. He was fighting them when I arrived in the ER, and he was panicked, which drove his blood pressure up even higher. He didn't want any treatment, Felicity, tried to deny it but he needs it. You are going to have to talk some sense into him, or he's going to walk out the instant he feels better."
"No, he's not. He's staying."
"That's what I want to hear. It normally takes about six hours to get the blood pressure back to normal. And who knows what his normal even is?"
"He runs a little high, normally, but he's on stress overload."
"186/132 high?"
"Heavens no. So that's why he is in CCU?"
"Yes. Now, I'd like to run some tests, and I want to keep him at least overnight. You need to get him to calm down enough to do the tests. So I'm going to need your total support here."
"He's not going to want to stay here for the night. He's not sleeping again, Mae."
"Which probably added to him falling out today and maybe his blood pressure problems. Okay, let's go tell him."
"Just a question, Mae. We do have the option of knocking him out, right?"
"Got the syringe right here."
#####OQ#####
"I am not staying." He was panicking again. No, he couldn't stay here.
"Yes, you are."
And he could see Felicity wasn't giving an inch on this.
"Look I didn't have a heart attack. I'm feeling better. My blood pressure is coming down. I want to go home. Felicity, take me home."
"How are your eyes?" Mae asked.
"Better." Okay, he was lying but he couldn't stay here, "Please, Felicity. You know I can't stay here. I need to go home."
"You're staying and that is the end of it."
She had that tone, the one that mean she was serious and intent.
"No, I'm okay now. I'm sorry I scared you. But everything is going to be fine."
"Would you stop lying, Oliver? And haven't I told you repeatedly about using that word? You came so close to a heart attack or stroke today. You were in real danger. Your nose was bleeding when I came in because your blood pressure was too high. And not because you'd been fighting. You're still in danger. Your organs are in danger. Pay attention, your blood pressure could destroy your eyes and your kidneys, just for starters. What part of you're not immoral, do you not understand?"
"If only you hadn't come home so early."
"Mae, please leave, this is going to get ugly."
Mae looked at both them then said, "Okay, I'll be back in a little bit."
"And shut the door."
"Look, Felicity." He knew he'd put his foot in this mouth. How stupid could he be to say that?
"No, you look. Are you telling me this has happened before? That you have fell out and just ignored it? That if I hadn't have come home, you would have just picked yourself up off that porch and pretended nothing had happened? Is that what you're telling me?"
Her voice was rising, and he cringed because he knew it was true.
He had blackouts. He lost time sometimes, and he had waking flashbacks. And he didn't know how to stop it. And, yes sometimes he had a headache when he came back.
"How can you do that, Oliver? How could you do that to me? Mae told me that you were probably having a flashback when you hyperventilated. And I get that you are stressing over the soccer team. But I am so damn mad at you right now. I told you. Didn't I tell you?"
"It's okay. I was just."
"Just what? Oliver, you could die on me. You could leave me alone. Your body can't handle your stress. You had a panic attack today and it could have killed you. Understand you could have died and left me alone."
"I did not have a panic attack."
That just wasn't true, he did not have panic attacks.
"Yes, you did." She was intense, as she looked at him and said, "And I'll bet when the blood work comes back your oxygen levels are going to be off the charts, and you were hyperventilating. That's the reason that you passed out. Luckily this time you didn't have a heart attack. And again? Where you having a flashback?"
He refused to answer her.
"Okay, I will take that as a yes. What happened, Oliver? Where were you?"
"No more. I can't talk about this anymore."
"Can't or won't. Do even you remember what happened, Oliver?"
"I'm feeling better, and I want released. I can't stay here." He couldn't think about this. The anger was creeping in. His rage at himself was starting to engulf him. This was his fault, if he had just kept it together this argument wouldn't be happening. He would be home with her right now starting dinner and ignoring his headache.
"That's right ignore me. You don't know do you?"
"I didn't say that."
"You didn't have too. And you're staying overnight. Mae's told me it's going to take a least six hours to get your blood pressure stabilized as it is. And she wants to run some tests on you. I want you to have those tests, all of the tests."
"NO! I'll check myself out. I can't stay, Felicity." His panic was rising, as he looked her straight in the eyes and said, "I can't sleep here, Felicity. Understand me. I CAN'T SLEEP HERE. Either Mae releases me, or I'm walking out."
"What you mean is that you can't dream here."
"No, I can't. There I said it. Are you happy now? I mean it I'm leaving just as soon as my blood pressure comes down."
"If you do then don't come home." She put her hands on her hips and stuck out her chin.
She'd shocked him with her words, and he could tell from the tone of her voice that she meant it but he still said, "You don't mean that."
"Yes, I do." Her face was intense. "I mean it. I love you but you can't keep putting me through this. I watched you fall to the porch today and my heart wanted to stop. Remember when I was sick, Oliver? And you wanted me to fight to live?"
"Of course, I do."
"Well, Oliver, you are NOT fighting. You're avoiding, you're ignoring your health, and I'm not going to watch you die. Remember, we can't fight illness. We learned that when I drowned and got sick. But don't you ask me to find you dead on the porch for that would destroy me."
"I'm not."
"You are. So if you want to fight for us, I'm here for you, standing right beside you, with my fists up, and you know I can't really fight, but at least I'm willing to try, but you have to try too."
Then she frowned at him before she said, "And if you get out of that bed and walk out. I'm done. We are DONE."
The look she gave him was intense and it made him feel past guilty. This was his fault. If he had just stayed in control, none of this would have happened.
"I'm so sorry you had to find me like that," he said softly, as he caught her hand and pulled her to him, into his space. "I know you didn't know what to do. And I'll come back for the tests. Just, please, don't ask me to sleep here."
It was his last ditch effort, even though he really still felt awful.
She reached and pulled him against her and said dryly, "Charm isn't going to work, and you don't sleep anyway, Oliver. And if you have ever slept in a hospital you should know they wake you up constantly. You'll never make it to REM."
"I have slept more with you in the past few months than I have slept in years." And he gave her a small smile.
"That's scary you know? Mae could sedate you if that would help." She pulled away from him and gave him one of her special smiles before she said in a hard voice, "But you ARE staying. And since when has our relationship ever been a democracy? You've never given me a vote," her hand reached and touched his face before she looked in his eyes and said, "Well this time I'm the tyrant. I'm making this choice, Oliver. Not you! Not this time. I told you I want you to stay with me. No, I NEED you to stay with me. Process it. I mean it. I love you. You aren't leaving me. So you are staying until Mae releases you."
He sighed and shut his still somewhat blurry eyes and said in defeat, "Okay, but you have to stay with me. Sleep with me."
She frowned and said, "Your bed is awful small."
"We can do it. I lay really close to you, as it is. We don't need much room. It might be a little uncomfortable, but we can do it. If you want me to stay, then you have to stay with me."
And she put her arms around him, tucking her face into his neck, and he breathed in her scent, as she said, "Okay, good choice, Oliver. Not that I was giving you one."
#####OQ####
At was about 3 a.m. and he hadn't been sleeping. No, just lying on his side with her tucked against him, as he willed the time to pass until the sun rose.
He was regretting wanting her in the bed with him, for even if she was in her sweet Hello Kitty PJ's, he wanted her. His hand reached and pulled her little closer to him. Softly, his mouth found her neck and moved down across her shoulder, softly, slowly. She tasted so sweet.
"I want you too, but you need to behave," she whispered into the somewhat dark room, where the monitors lit the background and the sound of alarms, coughs, and people moving outside the door could be heard, and his hand moved to cup her breast.
She rolled toward him and she said, "If you don't stop then two can play that game," and her mouth was nibbling on his ear, and he was losing it.
"You do you realize we're in critical care?" He said with concern that if she kept it up, he was going to keep going.
"I know, which means we have to stop. I take it you're feeling better?"
Oh, yeah, he was feeling better. "Lots. Can we go home yet? I'll make it worth your while. We could sneak out of here."
"You're spoiled brat side is showing, Oliver."
"I know, but oh, the things I could be doing to you right now if we were home. And you're right, sleeping is impossible here, so what else can we do." And he leaned in and softly kissed her, and she wrapped her arms around his neck and the kiss seemed to go on and on.
Someone then knocked on the door, and a nurse wheeled her computer on wheels into the room. Flipping on the lower lights the woman smiled at them, as Felicity pushed herself away from him.
"Busted," said the woman with a bubbly laugh. "And I have to say this is a new one for me. Most people in CCU don't feel that well or have people in bed with them. Wait till I tell the husband."
Oliver thought great and who will he tell? Then he just laughed and said, "Breathe, Felicity. We've been caught before. And, for the record, I tried to get Mae and you to release me."
"Oh, my gosh." She sat straight up in the bed and said. "That's it."
"What's it."
"The trigger. I'll tell you in a minute. Let me look at my tablet. I need a calendar." And she climbed out of the bed.
"Excuse me," said the nurse. "Oliver, it's time to get your vitals again, since you refused to be hooked to an automatic blood pressure cuff, though after what I just walked in on, I'm sure I'm not going to get a true resting reading."
Oliver forced himself not to smile.
The nurse took his readings. "Pretty good, 135/92. A lot better. Almost normal. I'll see you in an hour. And Oliver, if you want out of here, I'd behave."
Okay, he grinned.
As soon as the nurse left the room, Felicity was back in the bed with him and the excitement showed in her voice. "Remember how people with PTSD have triggers. Something triggered the new dream, Oliver. The dream started five days ago, and Oliver that was the night we got busted on the motorcycle. The night we both thought we were going to get arrested."
"Okay? What's your point?"
"Oliver, what do they do with you when you get arrested?"
"Put you in jail. Where are you going with this?"
"They put you in a cage, Oliver. A cage. That was the trigger. The thought of going to jail set off the dreams you're having. So what was today's trigger?"
"I don't know?"
"Think, what were you doing? What was the last thing you remember doing?"
"I was reading Adrian's file. I had just opened it and then I just don't know." He turned his head away from her for an instant.
When he looked back her fingers were flying across the screen. And she said, "Adrian Michael Herron, 17, Arrested for fleeing, public drunk, disorderly conduct after being busted at a party and assaulting a police officer."
Michael, heaven help him. The room went fuzzy. He didn't want to think about Mike. No, that would lead to Hedeon. He had to get the IV out of his arm. "I don't want the IV. Stop helping me. Just let me bleed out."
"Oliver, your breathing's too shallow. You're having a flashback."
The nurse opened the door and said, "The tech says your heart is beating too fast. Didn't I warn you to behave?"
He heard, "Ice, I need ice. Hurry get me some ice."
"Oliver, look around what do you see? Talk to me. Tell me what you see?"
"Mike's stitching my chest. It hurts. The room's dark. I'm tied to the damn bed. IV in my arm. Have to get the IV out of my arm. Just stop helping me! Let me bleed out. Finish me. Stop helping me."
"Oliver!" Her voice was intense. "No, look really look. See me? Smell me, Oliver. You're not there. You're here with me. I love you, Oliver. Smell me, here hold this."
Something cold was in his hand and he could almost hear her.
"It's cold."
Yes, it is. Welcome back, Oliver, you just had a flashback. Now hold onto that piece of ice and tell me who is Mike?"
He concentrated on the cold ice in his hand and shut his eyes before he opened them and chose his words carefully, so carefully before he said, "A man who saved my life repeatedly, and a man that later I had to kill. Now stop, Felicity. No more. I can't tell you anymore."
"Of course, you can't. But you will, Oliver, trust me, before this is over you will. Believe what you want, but you will. And now look at me, see me?"
"I see you. I'm back with you. Can we go home yet?"
"Tomorrow, Oliver. I love you."
#####OQ#####
As always thanks for the read and please review if you have time.