Lupin's Christmas Carol

Shamelessly ripped off from Dickens' fine work, with the help of characters from Joanne Rowling's equally admirable writings.

This story takes place on the Christmas Eve during the Deathly Hallows book (1997) and endeavours to be canon-compliant. The idea for this story has been sitting in my back pocket for a few years now, and I'm finally in a mood to get it written. This chapter involved the most amount of research so that it was as canon-compliant as possible, hence the delay. I doubt that I'll be able to have the whole story done before Christmas Day, but I will try! So please send all your encouraging and motivating messages in the comments or by PMing me. Comments and follows are life.

For some accompanying music, I recommend Alexandre Desplat's My Love is Always Here.

THE SECOND OF THE THREE SPIRITS

Unsettled and restless after Sirius's departure, Remus couldn't face sleep. Instead, he sunk back into one of the armchairs facing the fireplace. He chewed on his friend's words like gristle, trying to digest them in any way he could, but they churned over and over in his mind without end.

He didn't even realize he'd fallen asleep until he heard a voice behind him.

"Hello Professor Lupin."

He jerked awake. Muted daylight filled the room. It must be midway through the morning, he thought. But then he remembered the voice that had awoken him. He stood and turned before giving himself the chance to think about who it might be.

Standing straight in front of him, hands clasped politely, was the ghost of Cedric Diggory.

"Cedric Diggory!" he heard himself exclaim.

"It's good to see you again, Professor. Happy Christmas."

Still reeling from his former pupils appearance, he asked the first thing that came to mind. "Is it Christmas Day, then?"

"It is."

Remus frowned. Had he slept away the entire night and morning?

"I suppose you've been sent by Dumbledore to visit me, then."

The spirit nodded. "I have. He's asked me to accompany you on your visits." The ghost looked earnest and nervous, if it were possible for a spirit to look earnest. "Before we leave, Professor... I wanted to say something."

Remus smiled inwardly. Still so polite, he thought. "What is it, Cedric?"

"I wanted to say... thank you. I didn't make the time to say that, after you left Hogwarts. And then, there was the Tournament, so I lost my chance forever. But thank you."

Remus felt confused.

"Thank me for what, exactly?"

Cedric frowned thoughtfully. "For being one of the best teachers I ever had. What I learned in Defence Against the Dark Arts the year you taught it was a large part of why I put my name in for the Triwizard Tournament."

Remus supposed that he should have felt flattered, but the feelings of grief outgrew all else. It must have become apparent on his face, because Cedric sped up to avoid him interrupting.

"I'm aware that that sounds perfectly ridiculous, what with how things turned out in the end. But I'm proud of my accomplishments in the tournament - even now. In spite of everything. I knew how to fight the grindylows, because of you. I knew how to handle Sphynx and boggarts because you prepared us for that. I wouldn't have made it to the middle of the maze otherwise."

"If you hadn't made it to the middle of the maze, you'd be alive," Remus said roughly.

Cedric nodded in acknowledgment. "That's true. And I'm so sorry that I never got to say goodbye to everyone - my family, to Cho, to my friends… to Hogwarts. I know they had a hard time accepting that my death was anything but senseless and devastating.

"But I think it did have purpose. Who knows how things might have turned out if I hadn't been with Harry? He could have given up against You-Know-Who, but he didn't. And then Dumbledore told the other students that if they ever had to choose between what was right and what was easy, to remember me.

I think that that's why he sent me to you tonight. To remind you." He looked to his former teacher as though he were still a student, looking for confirmation that he'd puzzled out the answer to a problem correctly.

"You were such a bright student, Cedric," Remus said quietly.

Cedric didn't smile exactly, but there was an expression of satisfaction and pride on his face. He held out a hand.

"If you're ready, Professor?"

The Burrow looked as festive and lively as it always did on Christmas Day. The travelling spirits had appeared facing the front door - or rather, it had appeared facing them. A wreath of pine and holly hung there, festooned with bewitched jingle bells that were charmed to ring out the arrival of guests. Lupin remembered the racket they'd caused last year.

They stayed silent as he and Cedric passed through the door and emerged into the kitchen. This was the room where there always seemed to be a Weasley present, no matter what the occasion. Christmas Day was no exception.

Molly Weasley was floating a sheet of what looked like ginger cookies out of the oven while threatening the twins to keep their distance. "Don't even think about it, they're for Bill and Fleur."

"Come on, Mum. They aren't even here. How will they know if one is even missing?"

"Yeah, and how can you be assured of quality control unless you sample one? Or three?"

Molly didn't quite smile, but the wrinkles in her forehead lessened slightly. "I mean it, Fred, George. Take your jokes into the den with your sister. She needs them more than I do."

Remus's eyes followed the twins as they headed into the den. As they left the kitchen, he noticed that the famous Weasley clock still sat with all hands pointing to "MORTAL PERIL".

Ginny was quietly curled up on a sofa, watching their fireplace with a serious expression. Fred and George wasted no time in shifting their focus from bothering their mother to bothering their sister.

As they teased and cajoled, the corner of Cedric's mouth raised in amusement. "You know, I always wondered what it would have been like to have a big family. It can be rather lonely as an only child."

"It also tends to be less complicated," Remus added. He thought of Sirius and Lily. "You can't always choose who you're related to."

Almost as though he had cued the conversation, he overheard George sigh dramatically. "I'm afraid you're stuck with our excellent company, sis. Dad's still sorting things at work, Charlie's back in Romania, and apparently Bill getting married means he can skive off family Christmas celebrations…"

"The git," Fred interjected.

"...and Tonks is staying with her Mum this year." Remus felt relieved that the twin had diplomatically left him out. But he'd also noticed that there were others left off the list - no mention of their other two brothers, and of Tonks' father.

Ginny's expression remained morose. "And what about Ron? And Harry and Hermione?"

Remus watched George's face soften as he put his arm around his sister. "We're pretty sure they're safe. We'd have heard something by now if they weren't. But we're the coolest brothers anyway. Ron's not half as funny or as entertaining as we are. And Charlie snores."

"We promise, we're not going anywhere," added Fred.

Ginny leaned her head on George's shoulder. "It just doesn't feel like Christmas with the house so empty."

Remus noticed that Molly had been watching from the far end of the room, her face drawn and tired looking. He could see through her eyes, thinking like a parent would. Bill was involved with the Order at the very thick of things, and even though he didn't live far, he was not under her protective wing any more. Charlie was safe, but far away. Percy… was near, but wanted nothing to do with them. And a youngest son who was Merlin-knew-where, facing Merlin-knew-what, with friends that were just as much her children. Remus felt his heart shatter for her.

Cedric laid his hand on Lupin's shoulder. "We should move on now."

Remus nodded.

"Just a quick stop here," said Cedric, leading Remus down a line of sedate row houses in St. Albans. They came up slowly beside a tall young man bundled up against the chill. It took Remus more than a moment to realize that it was Percy Weasley.

Percy, with his wand buried in his coat sleeve, pointed it at the front door lock, and slipped in. They followed him into a modest, minimally decorated apartment. Its quietness, bare neutral walls and simple furniture were such a contrast to the noise, warmth, and kitsch of the Burrow that Remus knew it must have been by design. The only sign of something impractical was the Christmas tree set up in the front room.

Percy took off his boots, coat, and gloves in an orderly fashion and then headed straight for the kitchen. He began putting together a simple meal, a far cry from what the Weasley family usually feasted on during the holidays.

Cedric broke the empty silence. "Percy was only a year older than me, you know. When he got a job at the ministry straight out of Hogwarts, my father was over the moon. He thought that that meant I would be just as fortunate." He smiled sadly. "He was absolutely convinced that I would be the next Minister for Magic."

"Your father thought the world of you, Cedric."

"I know that. All too well, really. He could barely have a conversation without praising me in some way. It was flattering, and a little embarrassing. But it was also fairly maddening, all those expectations. I knew it came from a good place, but sometimes I felt that I didn't have a choice in my own dreams or future plans. What if I didn't want to become a great Auror or an important Ministry figure?"

"Parents will do everything they can to protect their children, to try and give them a better life than they themselves had." As soon as he said it, he realized that he was once again seeing things as a parent.

Cedric frowned thoughtfully, then met Remus's eyes. "But what if they don't want what their parents want?"

The young spirit looked at Percy, sitting down alone at a small table with one chair. "Percy didn't want the things his family told him he should want. He wanted security and recognition. He was willing to go after those things alone, to reject the future his parents had dreamt up for him." Cedric shook his head, whether in disagreement with Percy's actions or in pity, Remus couldn't say. "I was never a friend of Percy's. And whether or not he made the right decision about it, part of me respects him. It takes a lot of nerve to stand up to your own family - more than I ever had."

They stood watching Percy eat for a full minute, the silence and emptiness in the apartment deafening. Remus wondered if this solitary young man missed the noise and bustle of his family at all or preferred the orderly quiet, whether he felt any guilt for breaking with them, or regretted the choices and loyalties that had brought him here. The more the thoughts tumbled over themselves in Remus's head, the less sense it all made.

"Let's go," said Cedric quietly.

A flock of blackbirds flew noisily past them, as Cedric and Remus found themselves on a hilltop. They were outside, the sky as white and featureless as the snowy ground. Remus didn't recognize where they were, but he certainly recognized the two people arguing in front of him.

"He changed, Harry, he changed! It's as simple as that! Maybe he did believe these things when he was seventeen, but the whole of the rest of his life was devoted to fighting the Dark Arts! Dumbledore was the one who stopped Grindelwald, the one who always voted for Muggle protection and Muggle-born rights, who fought You-Know-Who from the start and who died trying to bring him down!" Hermione was pale with patience, straining to stay reasonable against a stormy-faced Harry Potter.

"Harry, I'm sorry, but I think the real reason you're so angry is that Dumbledore never told you any of this himself."

"Maybe I am!" Harry yelled back. "Look what he asked from me, Hermione! Risk your life, Harry! And again! And again! And don't expect me to explain everything, just trust me blindly, trust that I know what I'm doing, trust me even though I don't trust you! Never the whole truth! Never!" His voice broke, the anger and grief behind it apparent.

Remus felt like an intruder, watching while the pregnant silence grew between the two friends. But he couldn't help be relieved. They're alive, thank Merlin. But where is Ron?

Hermione broke the tension with whispered words. "He loved you. I know he loved you."

Harry's arms, which he'd swung around him with tempestuous energy, stilled at his side. "I don't know who he loved, Hermione, but it was never me. This isn't love, the mess he's left me in. He shared a damn sight more of what he was really thinking with Gellert Grindelwald than he ever shared with me." With a look that made it clear to Hermione that he didn't want to say anything more, he bent and picked up a wand that had fallen in the snow. He walked over to the entrance to a tent that Remus just realized they'd been near and sat down.

"Thanks for the tea. I'll finish the watch. You get back in the warm."

Hermione crouched down to retrieve a book that had also been in the snow, then made her way past Harry into the tent. As she passed him, her hand brushed over her best friend's head. Harry's eyes closed, whether in frustration or comfort, Remus couldn't tell.

"Ron left them weeks ago," said Cedric after a long pause. "He'd found out that his sister had been sent into the Forbidden Forest at Hogwarts for detention, and that another of his family might have been injured."

Remus felt worry knot his insides. "But we just saw the Burrow. Ron isn't there. What's happened to him?"

Cedric didn't acknowledge the question. "I've always admired Harry. Like me, he's always had to live up to everyone's expectations of being someone larger than life. But he didn't have parents in his corner, cheering him on when things looked bleak. I can't imagine how I would have accomplished anything without my father's encouragement. Harry had to make his own family, had to believe in himself." He watched the Boy Who Lived sit huddled in the entrance of the tent, now the same age as Cedric had been when he died.

"I wonder if it hurts more when family you choose leaves you or lets you down."

"It does," Remus uttered. He thought of the family he'd made - Sirius, James and Lily. And then he thought of Peter and the betrayal that had broken the Marauders.

The snow and pearly sky blurred around them, and Harry disappeared from Remus's view.

They were inside a small stone cottage, a place that had become very familiar to Remus.

"You've come to know this place well, haven't you Professor?" Cedric was smiling at him. Remus found himself smiling back.

"I have. Shell Cottage. After Bill was attacked by Fenrir… well, we began to chat." He'd spent a few late nights with the young man drinking Butterbeer (and occasionally something stronger) and discussing what might or might not happen to him. Despite Remus's initial reserve - there was after all a ten-year age difference between them - they had quickly become friends. It was in fact partially due to Bill's advice that Remus had finally given in to Tonks' persistent love. The four of them had created a new band of friends - one that wasn't quite like the Marauders had been, but one that helped Remus feel younger than his years.

No one was in the kitchen or dining room at present. From what Remus could tell through the diamond-paned windows, the sun had just set. A rosy mist at the seaswept horizon was all that remained of the day.

A voice murmured from the den. Cedric and Lupin moved towards it, finding Bill and Fleur curled up in each other in front of a roaring fire. They looked the picture of newlywed bliss.

"Zis is parfait," Fleur purred, her head tucked under her husband's chin. Despite the angry-looking scars that ravaged the young man's face, he smiled with a contentment that softened them. Remus felt happy for them even as he envied how comfortable they were with each other.

"Utter bliss," he agreed. "I think this is the quietest Christmas Day I have ever been witness to. Je t'aime, mon amour," he whispered and kissed his wife's head.

"Idem, mon cher. You are sure Ron, 'e will be alright?" she asked.

"Ron!" Remus exclaimed. "He's here?" He looked at Cedric, who gave a cryptic half-smile in response.

"Ron said in his letter this morning that he was going back to Harry and Hermione. He said he couldn't thank us enough for everything we did. I don't know if he'll be alright, but I think he's doing the right thing." Bill ran his hand up and down his wife's arm.

"Hmmm," Fleur responded. "I'm glad 'e finally decided to return to zem. Now if only we could do somezing for pauvre Nymphadora."

Remus closed his eyes. He didn't want to hear this.

"I still can't believe Remus left again." Bill said quietly. "I thought he'd gotten past everything. I thought he'd accepted it."

"To leave Tonks now… she is quoi, presque six mois?"

"Less than four months to go." Bill stroked his wife's hair. "And then soon, everything will change for them. I'm not sure if I'm jealous or relieved it's them and not us."

Fleur emitted a short laugh. "You were just saying 'ow you like ze quiet." Bill chuckled.

"That's true. But part of me has been thinking… what with the world turned upside down, and the end of the war nowhere in sight… what if we don't get another chance?" Fleur brought herself upright to face her worried husband.

"Zis is not ze time, not yet. Pas encore." She placed her palm on her husband's cheek, stroking lovingly. "When it is time, we will know it. And we will have ze most beautiful baby zat ze world 'as ever seen. She will 'ave a fiery spirit like 'er fazzer."

"And a strong heart, like her mother." Bill raised his hand to mirror Fleur's, cupping her cheek.

Fleur nuzzled back into Bill's chest. Cedric nodded at Remus to follow him.

As they left and the landscape blurred again, the ghost beside Remus spoke.

"It's time to visit Tonks."

They were in Andromeda and Ted's dining room, but Ted was still missing. Instead, a noticeably pregnant woman sat straight in her chair, staring distractedly out the window. Remus felt every fibre of his being wish that he could steal the hurt away from her eyes.

"Your watching for him will not make him arrive," said Andromeda to her daughter, her tone almost chilly.

"I didn't mean to yell at him," Tonks whispered. Her hair was a dark mousy brown, almost black.

"I know you didn't. You're more than five months along. What with your moods, you'd yell at the sun if it woke you up early. It isn't as though he thought you were even-tempered to begin with."

"I hurt him." Tonks was almost in tears, still staring out the window unseeing.

"He hurt you," her mother countered.

"He thinks the baby's going to be a werewolf, like him."

The ghost of Cedric looked at his companion, who was watching the two women with a face of stone.

"He can't know that, sweetheart."

"Mum, it doesn't matter. He believes it. And it means he hates it." Tears started to well in Tonks' eyes.

Andromeda got up and pulled her chair over to sit right beside her daughter. "Listen to me, love. You both rushed into this whole thing. Of course he's having doubts."

Tonks, furious at herself, blinked her tears away and turned to face her mother. "I did this, Mum. I rushed him into getting married. He didn't even have a chance to get used to us as a couple before we found out I was pregnant. If only…" she sucked in breath, fighting back a sob, "if only I'd been more careful, if only…"

"Stop it." Her mother's words were hard, but not unkind. "This is not your fault, Tonks. We can all see he loves you, in his own way. And you doing rash and reckless things is hardly out of character." At this, Tonks giggled wetly. "Is it?"

"No," she admitted. The faint smile of amusement fell from her face. "But I'm scared, Mum. That he won't come back. Like Dad." She looked up at her mother, whose eyes started watering as well. Her mother took a deep breath.

"Oh my love, I'm scared too. But we have to believe they're safe, and that they'll be back. We have to. Do you hear me?"

Tonks nodded and embraced her mother tightly. "I hear you."

Before Remus could say anything, the scene around him turned dark.

In silence and darkness, the ghost and Remus walked.

"I had to leave," Remus tried to say, but his words felt flat and bitter in his mouth.

Cedric didn't respond.

"She and the baby are in more danger with me by their side," he tried again. Still, the ghost said nothing.

Andromeda and Ted had been surprised when they found out Tonks was expecting. They'd insisted the couple move in with them, for safety's sake. But Remus had seen the split second of fear on their faces. He knew that that fear likely stemmed from the aftermath of Bill and Fleur's wedding, of the torture inflicted on the Tonks from the Ministry trying to discover the whereabouts of "Undesirable No. 1".

But deep down, part of him believed that the fear was aimed at him. A werewolf had married their daughter, and was now going to be father to their grandchild. Andromeda's cold words - "he hurt you" bit at Remus and stung like venom. I might hurt my child, if I stay, he thought.

The darkness shifted slowly, and it looked to Remus as though they were in a muggle park. Night had cloaked the space with shadow. Backing onto a tidy grove of ash trees, a dim bluish light flickered through the corrugated plastic window of a small maintenance shed. The two spirits approached it, but didn't enter.

"I'll take the next shift," they heard a voice say. Remus thought it sounded vaguely familiar.

"If you don't mind, I'll sit up with you awhile. I'm not quite ready to shut my eyes yet."

It with a heavy heart that Remus recognized the voice of his father-in-law.

"And it's good to have company on Christmas," Ted Tonks finished.

"I won't say no," the other voice said. Remus was still trying to place it.

Cedric stood in front of the door and looked back at Remus. "After you," he said and gestured at the door.

Remus went through and found himself in the cramped space of a tool-packed shed. Ted Tonks and a young man were huddled into one of the corners, facing a blazing blue fire in an old steel bucket.

"Dean Thomas!" Remus exclaimed in recognition.

"That's a handy little spell," Ted said to Dean, nodding towards the flames.

"I have Ginny to thank for that. I think she said Hermione taught her. It's kept me and Griphook warm more than one night in the past couple months." He nodded over to the far corner, where Remus just noticed a goblin asleep. In the other corner slept Arthur Weasley's former Ministry coworker, Dirk Cresswell.

Remus or Nymphadora hadn't heard any news about Ted for over a month. Tonks had decided to take things into her own hands; she'd set up a meeting with an underground contact of hers who said they had information. But Remus had forbidden her to leave the house, which had set off their biggest fight since his first departure.

"He's my Dad, Remus," she'd yelled through tears of fury and fright.

"How old are you Dean?" Ted Tonks was leaning against the wall, looking at the young man.

"Seventeen. It was my last year at Hogwarts this year." He sounded wistful. "Though from what the Quibbler's been saying, I'm glad I'm not there."

"You would have had Remus Lupin as a teacher then, wouldn't you?"

"I did. He was the best bloody Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher we ever had." His voice rang with pride. Remus wondered how many of his lessons had helped Dean while being on the run. It was a disturbing thought.

Cedric looked over at his former teacher. "See? It isn't just me." Remus didn't respond.

Ted was nodding. "He's married to my daughter Nymphadora. Best son-in-law a man could ask for. He loves her to bits, you know. And so patient with her. She's a bit of a life wire, but he's as grounded as anything. Maybe too grounded sometimes. What I wouldn't give to be spending Christmas Day with them."

Dean nodded quietly. "I miss my mom. I haven't seen her in… too long. It kills me not to be able to tell her I'm safe."

"I'm sure she understands," Ted assured him. "I bet my Tonks is climbing up the walls… she's five months along now, you know. And pregnant women can be a bit mad about things. But Remus'll keep her from doing anything mad. She's become a better person since she met him. More serious, more mature. She's a stronger person with him by her side."

Remus stood, wordless. Had he ever realized how much faith Ted put in him?

"Do you think you'll get to see them again?" Dean asked quietly.

The older man stared into the blue flames, thinking over his words before releasing them. "I honestly don't know, Dean. Anything can happen." He swallowed. "You never know how things are going to end. But listen to me, Dean. It's easy to be brave when it comes to your children. If your mother has anything to do with it, you'll see her again. And I'll do everything I can to make sure that happens."

Ted put his hand on Dean's shoulder, squeezing it in comfort. Remus's eyes were fixed on his father-in-law. He felt pride mixed with guilt, guilt that he'd ever doubted this wonderful muggle.

"He does. He makes sure that Dean gets to see his mother again." Cedric said. Remus looked over to see the spirit's face solemn and sad. Before he can ask the spirit to explain his words, the spirit starts to move.

"Time to go," Cedric said quietly.

Remus followed the ghost through the door of the shed to find themselves instantly back in the bedroom of Grimmauld Place.

"We've come to the end of our time together. And I'm grateful Dumbledore asked me to be the one to visit.

"This war has caused so much loss, Professor. And so much fear of losing friends, family. I know that my death seemed like the beginning of that. I miss my dad, and my mum. But in spite of the despair, and the anger, and the frustration… that the war will end. There's always a future. You're going to be a dad, Professor." His ghostly form started to fade slowly.

"Cedric," Remus tried to interrupt, seeing his last chance for any questions disappear in front of him.

"I can't imagine how terrifying it would be to become a father," he continued. "To see yourself in another person, to dream up the world for him. To know you might lose him, or he might lose you at any time. To know you might hurt them.

"I'd be petrified. But I think I'd be excited too. Are you excited to be a father, Professor?"

Before Remus could find an answer, the spirit was gone.