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December the 29th 2013, the little girls

Annie didn't move for the rest of the day, she didn't come for dinner or to come to talk to us. I went into her room and left some, figured she might want to be left alone and just left it on the bedside table. But when I came back a while later she hadn't touched it.

I glued the small butterfly onto the frame Sophie Rose had broken and took it back to Annie, meanwhile I glanced over the other things that had laid hidden on the floor. But Annie only turned her back against me and mumbled at me to throw it away.

Other things that laid on the floor were a wall ornament, a bunch of hoodies, a pair of canvas shoes, a number of scars and a jewelry box. In fear that Annie might throw it away herself and then regret it I took the frame with me and put it on my bedside table for the moment being.

"You don't have to tell me I'll meet them again one day and see my mum." Annie suddenly said when she saw me looking at the stuff. "Those things are mine now. I know death is the end. Despite what you said the other day."

I tried to remember- then remembered Annie's reaction to what I had said about Sophie Cohen's ghost.

"I would like to believe there would be something after death." I tried carefully. "Then maybe one day I could my mum again, and my dad of course too but he was like he was…" I hesitated for a second. "…And my Amy… Our Amy, my and Sandy's."

A part of me didn't want her to ask. That way I didn't have to explain. While another part of me told the other part I couldn't keep on running from it and what had happened had happened and I couldn't hide from it like I had.

"Who's Amy?"

She asked.

I swallowed and hesitated for a second, I had barely talked about her for more than fifteen years. Then realizing it was so long I didn't understand how time went by so fast and I felt myself choking before I was able to answer.

"I… I had a miscarriage once. Quite late during the pregnancy… Anyway, she had to be born anyway. And Seth had found out the name Amy meant beloved and that's what we named her. Because we really loved her like he said. We don't talk about her much… It just hurts too much."

We had a box with the things we had had the time to buy for Amy, a book and a shirt and a couple of other things. As long as we lived in Orange County the box with the things had been at the back at the top shelf in my and Sandy's closet.

Here in Berkeley, the first thing I had done when we came with all our stuff was to take the old shoebox and put it in a corner of the attic so there would be no way I'd lost it among a bunch of other boxes.

I hadn't lost it, I knew exactly where it was still. It was just that it was standing behind a whole lot of other, bigger boxes.

I just remembered this while I was talking to Annie and she was taking a while to answer me.

For some reason talking about Amy didn't send a punch right into my heart as it had used to. Maybe I should take a while and go up and get those stuff. Make a frame with it or something to hang up on the wall.

"If there's a heaven I don't think my dad is going there." Annie said so quietly I almost couldn't hear her and I returned to reality and now. "He was quite a terrible person. If it wasn't for him then my mum would still be alive."

That was it, she didn't say anything more right then and I probably knew that. I went up to the attic right away and got the things we had once gotten for our Amy. Then suddenly remembered that nor Ryan nor Sophie Rose had barely heard about her.

While there was moving in the house again. Annie still didn't move from where she laid, and Sophie Rose went back to her room after dinner and refused to talk to anyone.

Then she came down for her evening snack, and just acted normally again.

But after that she went back to her room…

There was actually nothing strange until I woke up from restless sleeping just before midnight, I needed the bathroom. Or I thought that was what had woken me up at first, but then when I got up and opened the door I could clearly hear light footsteps across the floor in the hallway and then a door- Annie's door opening from outside.

Maybe Annie had gotten up to get a snack or a glass of water. She could very well do that, but I just sort of froze and then I knew who it was having been up when I heard her voice.

"Annie?" I could only hear them but I was pretty sure Soph was standing right by her bed and shaking her shoulder to wake her up. "Annie? Wake up. I need to talk to you." I was about to step into the room and tell my daughter to go to her room. But something kept me from doing just that and meanwhile I heard the bed squeak when Annie must have moved.

"What?"

"I didn't mean what I said. I don't hate you. And I want you to stay."

"Fine. But now can you let me go back to sleep?"

"No. I needed to say I'm sorry."

"Fine. I get it. Now go away."

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

"You're forgiven. Now go away."

Silence fell, over the room, over the hallway and over the whole house. Behind me Sandy was snoring slightly, then turned over on his bed and his breaths got quieter again.

"Can I sleep in here with you tonight?"

"No. Go away."

Once again it was quiet for a little while.

"But I can't sleep."

"Go to your parents' room then. You can't sleep in here."

"But I want to sleep in here with you." It was only quiet for a few seconds this time, but they seemed endless. "I can hear you screaming in the mornings Annie. You get nightmares- it's okay. But you get them every night, if you have more. Then I can help you and comfort you if I'm in here."

"Fine then."

Annie had obviously had enough of Soph's nagging and realized she couldn't do anything about it. Because her voice sounded given up and I could hear the bed's boards squeaking more when she sat up. Somehow I just knew that instead of Sophie Rose bringing her own quilt she crawled up next to Annie, and Annie lifted hers up so they could both use the same.

"I wish you could stay here. And then my mum and dad could be your mum and dad. And Seth and Ryan could be your brother's too. And we could be real sisters. Then you could stay here forever and ever."

"It's not that simple Sophie Rose."

"I wish it was."

Then it was quiet. All quiet, none of the girls started talking again but I was kind of surprised I couldn't hear both of their thoughts out loud. Then, after a few moments I had forgotten what I got up for and only went back and crawled back into my bed next to Sandy.

It was then it hit me that no one had told Annie this house would be temporary placement for her. That she'd probably be out by the second of January when Douglas came back to work… I looked to the clock that was drawing close to midnight, it was too late now.

It would just have to wait until in the morning, we wouldn't forget again would we?

No, of course we'd be able to tell her. She must accept it would she? It wasn't like she hadn't been through moving from one foster home to another many times by now so I guess this one would be just one in line.

I pretended I hadn't just been thinking what I had.

I just pretended that it wasn't a terrible thing how Annie was being sent from one home to another. That it wasn't terrible how she woke up screaming from nightmares about God knows what or how she wanted to push everyone away.

How it wasn't terrible that she said if there was a heaven her dad wouldn't be able to go there. That if he hadn't been there then her mum would still be.

I suppose it all made sense.

But I just pretended it didn't.

And when I went to go to sleep I didn't tell Sandy about what I had heard Sophie Rose saying.

Amy and the miscarriage Kirsten had is in one of my O. C.- oneshots called "The always and always and always."

Random fact

I made a Polyvore edit with Annie's stuff. And I've downloaded all of those. I'll go now and put the edit on my Fanfiction- Instagram "Linneagbfanfiction"