Where are the ones that have reviewed this before? This is chapter twelve and there are no reviews since chapter eight… Well. I'm not going to be nagging for reviews but it would be nice if anyone at all let me know what they think about my story.

Guys, guys, guys, guys, guys. I finished another story. This time I finished one called "Unpretty hurts" and now the ones almost finished that are left are this one. "How far I'll go" and "Dancing in the rain". And it's getting me closer and closer to the ones I said I was going to finish soon. And also one called "Break broke broken trust" is almost finished.

Here's the chapter.

December 31t 2013- January first 2014, little orphan Annie

"IF YOU COME ANY CLOSER I'LL JUMP."

There was a fire burning in Annie's brown eyes that was like nothing I had ever seen before. It was… It was as if she was trying to look furious, and she was obviously- but more than anything heartbroken.

"Annie." I took a step back but tried to talk to her. "Come on… Come over on this side. We can talk about this."

"TALK?" She half shouted half spat. "LIKE YOU'VE BEEN DOING FOR THE PAST WEEK. TALKED AND TALKED AND TALKED AND YET NEVER ONCE TELLING ME THAT YOU DIDN'T WANT ME AROUND. JUST WAITING UNTIL I THOUGHT YOU DID AND THEN LET ME FIND OUT ABOUT IT MYSELF. IS THAT TALKING ENOUGH FOR YOU?"

"Annie…"

What was I supposed to say when a hurt nine- year- old sat on the edge of a bridge ready to jump?

"Annie…" Before I found anything I heard Ryan next to me. "Don't… Don't jump. Okay? If… If there's no one else then you can move straight from Kirsten and Sandy and into my house. I'll let you stay with me. Okay?"

"NO." She shouted back. "YOU'RE JUST LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE. YOU DON'T WANT ME AND YOU DON'T WANT ME AND YOU DON'T…"

While trying to turn to both me and Ryan at the same time she slipped off the railing. She accidentally lost her grip and then she fell.

Everything seemed to be moving in slow motion, I switched in between believing we'd have the time and not.

While both I and Ryan shot forward we just seemed like we were a little, tiny bit too far away. I knew it was just way too late. That we were too late to save her, maybe it had been too late for quite some time.

Then I felt my fingers wrapping around Annie's T- shirt. And in the very last moment I caught her before she was too far away to catch.

"AAAAH."

The scream that echoed in between the cars and the river and the houses and the bridge was like nothing I had ever heard before. It was so full of agony it shot straight into my heart and broke it.

"It's okay." I tried, still Annie wasn't safe. I didn't dare moving an inch but Ryan came up to me too and reached himself. "Annie? Annie… Listen to me." In her panicked state she couldn't hear a word I said.

Although maybe if…

For you, there'll be no more crying

Just like that, the song Annie had been playing repeatedly a couple of days ago flashed by in my mind and before I had the time to hesitate I started singing.

And it worked, at the moment I had started singing Annie just sort of calmed down. By the end of the line she wasn't calm, and she hadn't moved an inch. But she did hear what I was saying at least and that while I kept singing, Ryan was standing by my side and trying to talk to her.

"Give me your hand… no. Your other hand. Here… here…. YES."

After what felt like a thousand years Ryan got a grip and could pull her up, and therefore I could also get one grip and together we lifted her over the railing and onto the pavement.

"There we go." Ryan let go of her when she was over on the safe side. I couldn't, and before she was safely on her own two feet her knees buckled under her and she fell. While mpy far this time, only until I had the time to catch her with wrapping my arms around her.

"It's okay." I tried- even though I didn't even believe it myself. "It's okay. You're safe now…"

Taking a step back at last, Annie blinked and shook her head as if she was waking up. Then she looked up at me, at Ryan, back to me, to Ryan, and then at last towards me again before she leaned down and took her backpack from the ground.

"I guess we'll go back so I can get my things then."

As on a given signal, it was right then- quite a bit away from Annie but looking as it was right behind a big round of firework went up right behind her, each one of them flashing in bright colors with each bang. The same it did everywhere by both sides of the river and behind us and before us and everywhere.

It must be midnight.

Annie had clearly gone distressed, she looked tense, she held her breath and her hands were so clenched her knuckles had turned white.

"I guess… we must have a talk before we decide about everything. But we won't be forcing you out tonight… come on." Annie didn't move. "Come on now… Let's go back home."

"You're just like everybody else. You don't want me. And if you do then something is going to turn up and you don't anymore. And then you're going to tell my social worker about it, and then I'm going to be sent away. And you're going to hope I end up somewhere better. But then in a while you're going to have forgotten all about me. Isn't that the way it always goes?"

Shouldn't she had been crying?

She wasn't, nowhere near it. She was sternly staring towards me and looking as tense as ever.

I felt like crying, but I couldn't. Not right now.

"Come on. Let's go back and then let's talk in the morning. Inside and not here, in the middle of the night…"

Annie just glared at me, but then thankfully she took a step and walked down the bridge towards our cars, still tense at the noise of fireworks.

For some reason it didn't hit me right then that a fear of loud noises may be about more than them being just that- loud.

We drove home during silence, I hadn't turned the Bluetooth off. But with only Ryan left there it didn't feel like we should say something except for when Ryan let us know he'd go straight to Seth's house. I answered we were going back home and I hoped Kirsten still would be there…

I and Annie didn't mind talking going into the house, she went into the bathroom and locked the door after her and I went into the kitchen where Kirsten sat with a coffee cup.

"Hey." I said dryly. "Did the others…"

"Seth and Sophie Rose already told me what happened…" Kirsten interrupted. "And I… I don't know what I could say about it really. None of what we could ever do would be good enough to help her."

How could I not know that she was right?

But I knew something else too. I knew what it had felt seeing Annie on that bridge, I knew what it had felt like when she fell. I knew what it felt like now when I just didn't know…

"Look. Kirsten… Well, first. She ran away because she heard us talking earlier. She's angry and hurt because we couldn't look her in the eyes and tell her about it. And that she wasn't told that… that…"

I couldn't even say it myself.

"I heard Annie and Sophie Rose talking the other night." Kirsten said without turning towards me. "I know… Sophie Rose is just a kid. But…. She was telling Annie that she wished Annie could stay here… Forever and ever. And we could be her family… And well, kids are kids but… I… The way Sophie Rose said that just haunts me. I wasn't going to tell you about it because… I'm just not ready… I don't want to bring another kid into this house…"

And there was the answer I had known would come but still dreaded.

I tried to think of something, anything that could help right now. Tried to see fact instead of theory…

"When she was sitting on that bridge Ryan promised her that if we don't let her stay here then he's going to take her in. But as you know, even if Ryan doesn't break a promise. It's going to take a while for him to get all of that sorted out. She would have to stay somewhere during that time and… I will not just send her away and hope for the best."

Kirsten didn't say anything- like in the way she would when she knew she was wrong but didn't want to admit it. Lock herself in and not come out.

Except there were no locked doors now.

There was only truth, and it had to come out.

"I want her to stay Kirsten… I want her to be a part of our family and I want us to be a part of our… But I'm not going to do anything if you're not okay with it. And all I'm asking you is that… at least… I don't even know… Maybe you can go back and remember that… a number of years ago you would never have let Ryan stay just like that."

Kirsten didn't answer as first, neither of us looked to the other and words didn't seem right in any way.

"I need to think about it…" Kirsten said at last. "This isn't a decision made in the blink of an eye and you know it. And I also think we should talk to the rest of the family… the both of us- all at once. Without Annie eavesdropping…"

At last she looked at me and gave me a meaning look- like she had eavesdropped earlier today and made it all much, much worse.

"Can you pack a bag or something? All of you, spend the night at Seth's and Summer's. I'll stay here with Annie. She… We both, need some peace and quiet and… I have a feeling about tonight… I don't know what it means but…" I heard the door to the bathroom open and close. "I'm not going to give her the chance of eavesdropping again. Hey Annie." She suddenly came into the kitchen. "Are you hungry?"

"No…"

The kitchen had been cleaned after I and the others have left. So when Annie had left for her room and Kirsten and the rest had gone for Seth and Summer's house I was bored. Then left with my own thoughts that kept on haunting me.

What if Annie had jumped before we'd found her?

What if I and Ryan hadn't had the time to catch her?

What if she'd slipped out of her hands?

She was just nine years old. She couldn't have ended just yet. But what if she had.

I looked into her room for what meant to be just a second. I thought she'd be asleep. So when I found her sitting up, on the floor with her things spread out on the floor in front of her I frowned and couldn't help but open the door more and go inside.

"Are you okay?" I went to kneel by her. "What are all these things? Do you want to tell me about them?"

There was one jewelry box, a pair of sneakers, one wall ornament, two scarves, one CD case, her broken frame with the photo Sophie Rose had thrown out her window, and then several hoodies with the same butterfly- prints.

"My mum liked butterflies. These were all her things. Or things she got for me…." She took the CD case. "This is the CD I played over and over the other day. I'm sorry… I know you were annoyed by it…" She laid it down on the floor again and slightly touched one of the white hoodies. "She liked this one and she thought it would suit me. Even the smallest size was too big. But she said I would outgrow it so she got me one each size so maybe at least the biggest one will always suit me…. I've never worn them. White get stains so easily…"

I wanted to say to her she didn't have to tell me this. Because her words were hoarse and forced, as if every noise was harder than I could imagine. But I was afraid I' d interrupt her in the middle of something she was finally speaking out loud.

"I didn't have much time when I left my old house… But I did collect those sneakers, that ornament and those scarves. The other things are mine but… I didn't want them…" She held up the photo slightly. "When my mum first found out she was pregnant, she was happy. And this photo was shot when she was… my dad wasn't though. At least he wasn't when he found out I was a girl and not the boy he had always wanted… But the photo was already shot and the baby was already born… I was… It had been better if they'd just gotten rid of me right away. It had been better if he had gotten rid of us and kicked us out. That would have been better than how it ended…"

Annie left me with more questions than answers when she stood up, laid down on her bed and pulled the quilt up to her chin with one hand while reaching for her stuffed The Tramp with the other.

Meanwhile I hadn't even thought about moving at all.

"I was hoping that playing that song repeatedly would make things go away." At last I stood up, took the desk chair that stood to my side and pulled it with me to sit down right next to Annie. "But it didn't. It came back… Nothing's ever going to change is it?" Questioning she looked up at me and I had to think for a while to think for a while to know what to answer.

"I don't know quite what you mean Annie." I said at last. "But something I do know is that things usually get better. Especially during those times we don't think they should."

I just wished there was some chance I could help her.

Then for several more minutes it was quiet.

"Do you want me to go? Leave you alone so you can sleep?"

Annie didn't say anything, I was just about to ask or say anything else when suddenly she opened her mouth and started talking. Quietly as first, barely more than a whisper, then louder and louder as she went.

"I and mum had just come back to our house after I finished school… We were talking about running away, we always did. He heard us. Mum told me to hide… I always hid. There was shouting… Then there was a bang- the loudest noise I've ever heard, it was quiet for a moment and then there was another bang. I wanted to run away but I didn't. I didn't get out of there. He started shouting. Come out, come out Annie. You know you can't hide from me…"

My stomach clenched when I couldn't quite figure what or who Annie was talking about. Maybe I knew already I just didn't want to face it…

"He must have known where I was hiding. I always hid behind the couch when they were fighting. I was sure he would but even though he kept pacing back and forth over the living room floor he didn't come anywhere near the couch. I could hear him stop and when I peeked just a little I saw there was a lot of blood, my mum was lying on the floor and she wasn't moving anymore. There were pools of blood under her breasts, and under her head. In her hair and on her clothes… Then I hid again because dad was turning around."

I could have screamed out loud from hearing this story. The story of one… a child I'd only known for a few days. Yet already cared for so much. More than most other things in this world. As much as for Sophie Rose, Seth or Ryan…

"Then we heard sirens… apparently the neighbors had heard the gunshots and called for them… I hid… I was once again expecting dad to come around the sofa and kill me too… But he didn't. But the sirens only came closer and closer. And when I heard footsteps outside I was… I thought I might get help… That's when another shot rang out. But it didn't sound quite the same this time."

I didn't know how Annie was still breathing and talking. I wasn't telling this kind of story and I had to hide it well not to interrupt. I could have screamed out loud like I never had before…

And I was supposed to be the adult in this room.

"He had put the gun in his mouth and pulled the trigger… Then that was it. Little orphan Annie."

Little orphan Annie… well this was no musical, it was harsh reality.

"The police came into the room. I could hear them talking outside to our neighbors. I could hear my name… I could hear them questioning whether I was dead too. I could hear them making sure my mum was. I could hear them saying that my dad had… blown… blown up his head- literally. That there was nothing left… But I just couldn't. I just couldn't get out of there and show them I was alive. It was like if something told me that if I didn't move it might still not be real."

It went quiet again.

I wasn't so sure I wanted to hear anything more now. This was so much worse than I could have ever imagined.

But I had to stay strong. I had to stay strong for Annie even though not for myself.

"It was real…" Annie's voice suddenly started shivering. "…It was real. I knew it all along. Every bottle my dad drank from, every pill my mum swallowed… I think they did it because they didn't want it to be real. They didn't want to be as broken as they were…. But they were… and here I am. And I'm real and…"

She suddenly started crying, hugging the stuffed The tramp that Sophie Rose had given her to her tears were streaming down her face and into its soft fabric fur. Towards the sheets her whole body was shivering and I on the other hand… I was frozen and still.

"And it is real. Every night I dream about it… every night they're dying again. Every night it's my fault."

Tears were faster and faster rolling down Annie's cheeks and onto the pillow. Not by sobbing, but from head to toe she was shaking and the rest was in that quiet, heartbreaking way that I never knew what to do about.

"I… It happens that adults have… Problems Annie. Some of them are easy to solve… some of them, like yours are harder and terrible... And children often blame themselves but… they and you are only children. And there was nothing you could have done about what happened to your parents… it wasn't your fault."

"Yes it was. I could have told someone."

"Your parents still made their own decisions. For better and for worse… None of it was your fault and now… now is there anything I can do for you?"

It was quiet for a few minutes, I didn't want to move and leave Annie alone. And she just kept crying, then she talked… but maybe that wasn't the right word. It wasn't even a whisper, only barely more than a breath.

"Can you just hold me? Please?"

"I can…" I carefully pushed my arms in, one under her back and one under her knees. "Come here."

It wasn't a comfortable position for me, and it could impossibly have been comfortable for her neither. But when she had her face pressed into my shirt the sobs came. Sobs messed with screams that would echo in my ears for the rest of my life- so what didn't it speak about for her.

"Sch. Sch…" As good as I could I tried to stroke her dark hair. "It's okay… try and breathe now… it's okay… You're safe here."

At least safe from anything that wasn't already in her head.

I didn't say anything more after that. How was I supposed to say this was alright when it clearly wasn't?

I thought for a second about Kirsten, Seth and Ryan and the others… had they go to bed? Were they sleeping or telling ghost stories? Maybe Adam and Sophie Rose were sleeping and Seth, Kirsten, Ryan and Sarah talking about memories while joking and saying they had stopped aging about twenty years ago….

Annie fell asleep at last, crying herself to sleep on my lap I still didn't dare moving.

Despite all the thoughts in my head and the uncomfortable position I leaned back and drifted off I too…

But haunted by memories of Annie on that bridge.

Knowing still what I was seeing was still nowhere near as terrible as what Annie saw every morning as she started to wake up.

…Every night they're dying again…

Song: Songbird- Glee cast cover (originally by Fleetwood mac)

Yes, the song was random and unrealistic. But I had the idea and I just had to go with it.

Random fact

When I started this story I knew Annie's story would be based on a song. And I had a couple of guesses about different Christmas songs. But the actual song it's based on isn't a Christmas song. But one called "The little girl" by John Michael Montgomery. Check it out, it's a great song.

The third and last verse isn't included in this story. As I didn't want to bring in religion in this.

Happy holidays. See you next year