#####OQ#####
The bright light hurt his eyes as he shut his eyes against the rude overhead light.
"Josh, you in there?"
He blinked repeatedly, clearing his vison, and a beautiful blonde woman with a ponytail came into view. Groggy, he fought through the haze in an attempt to process, to access her name, while he worked to figure out real from fantasy.
"Hey, I'm Felicity Smoak, Josh, welcome back."
"Thanks. You're coach's girlfriend, right?"
"That's right. How are you feeling?"
"Like I fell off my skateboard and got run over by a bus. Plus, I'm feeling like they're trying to OD me. I'm past high right now."
"Probably for the best. Or you'd be in real pain right now."
"Maybe, I'm too high to tell right now." Using the remote to raise his head bed a little, he sat up a in the bed and blinked repeatedly, trying to find his center, trying to wake up and he moved his arm, promptly forgot the case and nearly punched himself in the face.
"Careful, cast."
"Yeah, forgot." His face warmed. "Where did everyone go?"
"They left a while ago." She flashed him an awesome smile that warmed him. "Can I get you anything?"
He started to sit upright and groaned, falling back into the bed as his incision complained. "Wait. How's Jordan? Did they take his legs?"
"He's next door to you and currently holding his own with both legs. They've put him in a coma to help him heal. Now we wait. The doctor thinks the next few days will be critical but he has a chance. Josh, you and Stan gave him that change."
He couldn't look at her as he thought about Jordan losing his legs. "How's Stan."
"Up and walking on crutches. He came to see you a little while ago. They've already moved him downstairs, and he'll probably be released in the morning."
"Guess I slept through his visit."
"Guess you did. But he said he'd come back later."
"I'm thirsty. Can I have a drink yet? And I might have an IV in but I could eat. Been a while now. Days, I think." His stomach grumbled as if it agreed.
"I'll find out." She pressed the nurse's button and asked.
"Sorry, the doctor says only ice chips still. I'll bring you some. It's about time for some pain killer again too."
"I'm serious. They're going to OD me if they keep hitting me." He scrubbed his face with his good hand. "Look I know you're Coach's girlfriend, but you don't have to stay with me."
"It's not a problem."
Feeling out of sorts, he wanted her to leave him alone. "I'm pretty sure I can lay in this bed all by myself. And I don't need any help doing it."
"Your coach asked me to stay. And I've been setting up a Skype session with your Uncle Chad."
"Don't bother. He doesn't care. And I don't want to talk to him."
The blonde woman flashed a small sad smile at him.
"Soooo, you're going to live in foster care until you're eighteen? That's the plan?"
"Yeah."
"Yeah. That's all you're going to say?"
He adverted his eyes and found a spot on the wall to stare at. "Pretty much. I'll handle whatever comes. I always do."
The woman shook her blonde head and frowned at him.
"Why do guys want to martyr themselves? Josh, you have an awesome brain and by the way, I do too. But I'm smart enough to not waste my brain, so why would you want to waste yours? If your uncles want to raise you, let them. Come on, you need to have a little faith here."
"Don't talk to me about faith or my uncles." His voice livid. "You don't understand."
"Then explain it to me."
"I don't want to talk anymore."
"Josh, I'm sure your uncles care about you."
"Don't bet on it. It's been months since the last time I talked to them." He shrugged and his stomach burned, and he tasted stomach acid in the back of his throat. Clutching the rough hospital blanket, he found puking a possibility for his future.
"Maybe you should give them a chance."
"I'm done giving people chances. And, I'm tired and don't want to talk anymore. Coach won't like it but it's going to be while before he can make me run, and I'm probably headed to detention anyway, which means I'm off the team. Now, why don't you do us both a favor and go away."
"Sorry can't do that. Coach Queen asked to watch over you and that's exactly what I'm doing."
"What makes you think you can protect me?"
"I'm stronger than I look. And once again, I told your coach I'd stay."
"Does Coach think Aunt Janie might come back?"
"Maybe?" She shrugged. "Your coach wants to look out for you. Why don't you let him?"
"Why?"
"Maybe because he cares."
"Right." He kept looking at the spot on the wall.
"He does."
"Have you ever been to soccer practice? Sorry, Ms. Felicity, I'm not buying it, and if my aunt shows up you'd see how long you'd last against her. I'm no wimp and she's strong enough to take me. I want you to leave."
"I'm tougher than I look and my presence should be enough to deter her. I'm staying."
"You can't be here 24/7. Stop wasting your time. I release you." He smoothed the sheet, remembering.
"I know that, and that's the reason I've set up some tech."
"Tech?"
Now she spoking his language, and unable to help himself, he took the bait. "What kind of tech?"
"The kind of tech that if she touches you again she won't lie her way out of it. And, I wondered if you'd look at some code I wrote. It keeps crashing and maybe you could figure out the problem? I hear you're good at that."
Placing the laptop on the rolling table beside the bed, she gave him a slight smile. And she pushed the screen toward him.
Unable to help himself, his eyes swept the code, looking for mistakes. "I know what you're doing. I'm not stupid, you know?"
"I never said you were. But is it working?"
She grinned.
"Yeah, maybe." And he gave her a tiny smile as he read the code. "There, the line's looping back. Yes, there's the mistake. Look it's sending it to the wrong line."
"Is it?" Her voice innocence, he knew she'd known all along but still he felt lighter.
Her laptop dinged and she rushed to answer it. "Hello. Can you hear me?"
"Yes, loud and clear."
"Is Josh there? How's he doing? Please, I need to talk to him."
The sound of his uncle Chad's voice stabbed deep. He turned his head away, knowing that he couldn't take a chance, knowing he had to be strong.
The man had turned his back once. He couldn't open himself up like that ever again.
"Yes, hold on, he's right here."
Coach's girlfriend settled her laptop back on the rolling table and turned it toward him.
His heart ached as he saw his uncle Chad's rugged face on the computer.
"Joshua tree? Are you there?"
He couldn't take this. The burn in his stomach lit him on fire, making his words harsh.
"Don't you dare call me that. You've no right."
"Okay. Right. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. I'm aware your dad called you that. Bad call on my part."
"He did so don't you EVER call me that."
"Okay, me bad. I should never have said it."
"No, you shouldn't have." Again, he burned inside.
"Look, let's start over and go with Josh."
"Whatever. How about we just don't do this at all. I'm nothing to you anyway. Stop pretending you care."
"Josh, I'm sorry. I promise. I won't make that mistake again. How are you feeling?"
"Like total shit. I've spent several days on the verge of dying. Shame I missed the boat. But how about you not bother with the concerned act? We both know you don't have time for me or my sister and brother. Go write some stupid code or something. Isn't Goggle's calling?"
His uncle Chad at least had the good grace to look pained. "That's not true. Your aunt didn't want us to contact you. Said we were disrupting your lives and making it harder for all of you. Even threatened us with a lawsuit if we kept bothering you. Your aunt insisted that we back off and let you settle in."
He wanted to believe that she had kept them away but he couldn't chance it.
"And for once she's right, you're bothering me."
"God, Josh, I know you're a teenager but give me a break. I'm trying to clear my schedule so I can fly down there at the end of the week. I'd come tomorrow but I have a deadline I'm up against. Your Uncle Bill has chartered."
"How about you two don't bother? I don't need this shit anyway. Later." He cut the man off as he reached with his good hand and closed the screen, his chest, gut on fire as his throat tightened. Tears threatened and he couldn't stand that. Damn it, the kid in him had died a long time ago. He didn't cry so he reached for the anger.
"Ms. Felicity, you should leave. I want you out of my room."
"Josh, you didn't give him a chance."
"He didn't deserve a chance. Get out of my room."
She picked up the laptop and opened it with the words, "Josh, let's call him back and."
"NOW!"
And he hit the nurse's button, his voice rising, "Can I have more painkillers? And could you clear my room? I want everyone out of my room. NO MORE VISITORS! I want her out of my room."
"On my way." He recognized Becky's voice, which meant it must be evening again and he'd lost an entire day.
"I'm not leaving."
"Yes you are." Stomach knotting, he fought the rage that threatened to engulf him. "I can't believe you called him. Who gave you the right to call him?"
"Josh, you uncles needed to know."
"NO, THEY DIDN'T! They don't care, and I don't want to talk to them. They needed to know if I die. Well, I haven't yet. Let's get our priorities straight."
"Look," she flipped her cute ponytail. "They care. I've spoken to them. You and your siblings mean something to them. They're coming."
"Yeah, when he clears his schedule. Screw him."
"Don't say that."
"I mean it. And you can damn sure speak to them again and tell them both to stay the . . . the hell of out of my business. Tell them to leave me alone."
"Josh, they want to talk to you, want to discuss what they're going to do, and they want you to come and live with them again."
"Yeah, today they want us. Whatever. I don't believe them. No, and I bet they want the check just like my aunt. I get it. I'm a check."
"I'm sure that's not true."
"Then you'd be wrong."
"Wake up, do you want to go into foster care?"
"Yeah. I've spent some time thinking, and I'd think I'd be better off in foster care because at least then everyone understands the rules."
"The rules?" She frowned at him.
"Yeah, the foster parents get paid, and I don't expect them to care, and I don't have to care either. Why are you still here?" He growled at Coach's girlfriend. "Surely you have somewhere to be."
"Josh, your coach wants me to stay."
"I don't give a . . ." He shut his eyes and refused to say the word FUCK but he wanted to. "Leave!" He yelled now, his throat raw. "Leave. Get out of my room." Throwing a fit, he didn't care what happened. His stomach rolled and his head pounded and his eyes blinked back tears, and he needed her gone before he broke down and cried like a baby.
"I don't want to talk to them, and I damn sure don't want to talk to you. I want everyone to leave me alone. GET OUT!"
"Josh, calm down." Becky hit the room running. "You're going to pull something out or loose."
"Get her out of here. I don't want ANY visitors. No more damn people." His head pounded and the feeling of being helpless descended, smothering him. Struggling to sit up more, he violently shoved the rolling table away from the bed and turned it over with a crash and a solid boom.
"Felicity, go." His nurse said, "Josh, I need you to calm down. You're going to pull something and end up back in surgery."
Yet, he couldn't stop himself, stomach clenching now, he screamed, "I want out of this bed. I have to get out of here. I need to get up." Even though he knew he acted unreasonably, he reached to pull his IV out.
"Oh, no you don't, young man. As dehydrated as you are, I'm not putting that port back in."
Becky, stronger than she looked, grabbed his hand and restrained him against the bed, while she pulled a needle from her pocket.
Using her teeth, she removed the needle's cover. Holding him down with one hard, she put a shot in his IV with the other, and the painkiller burned in his veins as she effectively restrained him. Helpless, he found that his eyelids heavy and his limbs unless as he slipped effortless into the darkness but he heard their words.
"What the heck set him off?" Becky asked. "That was close. Too close."
"Me! I want to keep him out of foster care, and he's doing his level best to punish himself. He wants to sacrifice himself and he didn't like me disagreeing with him."
"Teenagers, go figure?"
"You're probably right."
#####OQ#####
"About time you're back. You missed the show."
"I warned you he's bitter and angry."
"Angry's an understatement but he's been out a while."
He heard a kiss, a smooch of lips then quiet voices as he struggled to wake up.
"Missed you," he heard Coach say.
"You too."
"No aunt?"
"Not a hide or a hair. She's MIA. Hopefully, she's hiding under a rock somewhere. I did everything I could. I just hope she stays hid and leaves these kids alone."
"Love that about you, Felicity."
"What?"
"That you care."
Again with the kissing noise.
And he thought they were kind of sweet in a gagging kind of way.
"Okay, how's Josh doing? Things haven't been quiet then?"
"Not even close. He freaked out that I contracted his uncles. Somehow, I misjudged this situation. I thought he'd be happy, but instead, talking to his uncle completely upset him. Like major explosion." She made an exploding sound. "And I never saw it coming."
"You can't always be perfect, Felicity. And he's been through a lot. Probably a lot more than he'll ever talk about."
"I get that. Guess it takes one to know one. But I can try to help him."
"What happened?"
"First, he showed a little irritation, then without warning, Josh lost it and decided to rip his IV out, and Becky absolutely put him down. Quickly."
"Forcefully?"
"Oh, yeah. You'd have seen her. She pinned him to the bed and smoothly put him out. That woman has it going on. Love her. The woman has usable skills."
"Nice to know and she's always looked out for both of us. I like her."
Again with the kissing sound.
Which made him kind of smile.
"And why do you guys think you have to be tough?" Ms. Felicity said quietly.
"Because we're guys. I truly love you, hon."
"Ditto."
And Ms. Felicity honestly sighed in total contentment, and he knew both his coach and his woman were happy and something inside him burned as he managed to get his eyes open and the two of them came into focus.
He recognized Coach's smile, the solid approval, as he looked down at his girlfriend. And the love for his woman showed in Coach's voice and memories of his mom and dad flooded his mind. Helpless, heart hurting, he remembered how they'd touched each other, how he'd known they'd loved each other, and how they'd had something special.
God, he missed them.
Barely waking, majorly doped up, high to the point it might a good thing he didn't have to get up and walk farther than the bathroom, he realized coach moved and stood beside his bed holding a large box.
"Josh. You awake?
"Barely. What time is it?"
"About seven."
"Day or night? I can't tell anymore."
"Confused?"
"Yeah. Majority."
"Night, but I brought you something. Can you sit up?"
"Okay."
He raised his bed and rubbed his face, trying to wake up.
"I have to warn you it's gonna need a little work, and it's a bit scratched up but replacing a wheel shouldn't be that big of deal."
Heart racing, he gasped, as Coach pulled a battered skateboard out of the box and tears threatened. For the first time in well over a year, hot tears truly threatened his eyelids as he realized Coach held out HIS skateboard.
His skateboard, the one his dad and he'd picked out what seemed a lifetime ago.
Emotions raged savagely as his brain raced remembering.
The cops, the crash's news. Both of them gone.
His life gone.
The airport.
Him choosing that skateboard over his clothes.
His aunt emotionless face as she turned and locked the door right before she punched him.
Repeatedly.
HURT HIM BADLY, kicked him and kicked him.
But, he'd never cried. Not for her or for them.
EVER!
He toughened up.
Yes, it helped to control the urge to cry, to control something in his life.
But his control slipped and the weight of never crying for his dead parents, never crying for the loss of his imploded world, and his broken skateboard, the only piece he'd left of his dad, broke him into painful sharp pieces as Coach handed him his board,
Clearing his throat, sniffing, he managed to ask, "I thought she was gone. How'd you find her?"
"I found your board in the cannery, in that room, you and the others were trapped in buried under some rubble. I would have never found it if I hadn't seen it earlier right before I fell through when the roof collapsed."
Unable to stop himself, he hugged the skateboard to him with his good arm. But the urge to cry engulfed him. Turning his head, he bit his lip as Ms. Felicity said, "I going to get some coffee. Give you two a minute. See you both in a bit."
And he noted that she patted Coach's arm as she walked by. "We're going to talk later, Oliver."
"It was no big deal."
"Excuse me if I don't find you falling through a roof a big deal or did you do it twice? Talk. You and me. Later." And she left the room.
"Later, Felicity."
"You darn right later."
"My mom did that too. You're a lucky man."
Again the urge to cry overcame him as memories assaulted him and hot tears slowly leaked from his eyes.
"I am?"
Coach looked puzzled.
Hugging the skateboard, tears flowing, he managed to bite out the words. "My mom worried about my dad too, and they touched each all the time. Coach, I need . . . a minute to myself."
"Sure, take all the time you need." Coach turned and left the room, and Josh hugged his broken skateboard and cried. He sobbed for his parents, for his loss and for his shit life.
A while later, spent, his chest heaving, his coach returned and handed him a wad of tissues, and he blew his nose as the man entered the bathroom and returned to hand him a warm washcloth. "Wash your face. It'll help."
The warm clothe helped wash away his tears. "I'm sorry."
"Shh, don't be. Hold the clothe on your eyes for a minute."
And he did. Calmer now, he said, "Thank you, Coach, for finding my board. It means a lot, but could you do me a favor?"
"Sure, just ask." The man gave him a slight smile as he met the man's blue eyes. And Coach's eyes intense as normal.
Everything about this man was extreme.
Slowly, he handed the skateboard back to coach, with the sad words, "Coach, could you keep safe her for me?" Swallowing hard, he added, "I could lose her in foster care or detention. I don't know where I'm going to land, and someone could throw her away, thinking she's junk. Could you, please, keep her for me?"
"I'd be honored." His coach took the skateboard and placed it back in the box. "And I noted that's your skateboard's a 'she.' Did you know that my bike's a 'she?'"
"No."
"Guess it must be a guy thing, huh?" The huge man gave him a small smile.
"Yeah, and, Coach, thanks for being here. I would have never thought you'd have cared."
"Well, I do. And it's no problem, Josh. I'm here until you don't need me anymore. And I don't plan to see you in detention."
"I've been in a lot of trouble lately." He cleared his throat. "The judge will revoke my probation for fighting in school and add breaking and entering or something like that. Or maybe trespassing besides," he held up his broken arm, "I'm kind of off the soccer team."
"I'll speak with your judge. And yes, you're still on the team, you're just benched for now."
"Truly? I'm not off the team?"
"No, Josh, you're not. And I don't want you to worry that you're in trouble right now. I'll personally talk to the judge, and you'll see that things are going to get better for you."
"No jail?"
"Not if I can help it."
It seemed like a weight lifted off his chest, and he almost found a smile.
"Thanks, Coach. And will you tell Ms. Felicity that I'm sorry I went off on her? I was just . . . surprised and didn't handle it well." He swallowed hard and ducked his head.
"I'll give you a freebie since you're drugged up and have had a hard last couple days. But you won't get another if you disrespect Ms. Felicity."
"Coach, your girlfriend's hot and smart too. You're one lucky guy."
"Noticed that did you? I completely agree." And for the first time ever, he watched his coach's mouth grin wide, and he couldn't help but grin back.
"Now what I want you to do it stop worrying and work on getting well. You're a hero you know?"
"A hero?"
"Yeah, Stan's singing your praises to everyone. I hear a reporter's coming to interview you tomorrow."
"Why would a reporter want to talk to me?" His stomach fell.
"Josh, you saved Stan and Jordan's lives. You kept your head together and figured out how to get everyone out alive. I'm proud of you."
"You really are?"
"Yeah, I'm very proud of you and so are a lot of other people."
Coach's words felt good as they washed over him. He didn't know the last time anyone had been proud of him, and he straightened in the bed and kind of grinned.
Becky chose that instant to open the glass door with a tray in her hand. "Guess what, Josh? Your doctor's decided that you get to eat. Hope you like green Jello?"
"Sound wonderful right now." And it truly did.
"Well you keep that down, we'll move up to ice cream."
#####OQ#####
It was getting close to bedtime. Together, they'd taken a walk down the beach, holding each other's hand. As usual, his eyes scanned for threats and finding none, he pulled his hand from hers and slowly used his hands to frame her face, before he kissed her easy and leisurely, savoring her sweet taste under his mouth.
Pulling away, he snuggled her close and kissed the top of her head. "I love you, Felicity. I'm happy today, even with all that's going on."
"Love you back. And yeah, it's been a wild ride lately. Josh is standing on the edge right now. He could go either way."
His hands smoothed her soft skin, and he inhaled her scent, loving it, loving her. "You're right, Josh is barely holding on. I knew he was angry, lost, but I missed how far gone he really was. Every time, I think I have these kids half way figured out something like this happens. Josh's aunt beating him right under my nose. He'd been sleeping at that cannery."
"I know you like to shoulder the blame but don't. How long did you see him each day? Less than two hours?"
"Still, I noticed him hanging back, coming in late. I should have done something sooner."
"Don't, Oliver. How could you know it wasn't safe for him to sleep at home? If you want to do something help him now. He reminds me of a certain someone that was past not happy when I met him and seemed intent on punishing himself."
"Go on."
"Josh wants to go into foster care. I think he wants to do penance, and he'll do everything he can to make sure he pays a price. He hung up on his uncle. Didn't give him half a chance and was even willing to make you mad too."
"I warned him not to repeat that mistake."
"And you told me he apologized but he's almost lost. If someone doesn't convince him that he needs to take a chance, this bright kid's going to get swallowed up by the system. And the bad thing is that he's going to welcome it."
"Felicity, it's easy to become lost when people hurt you repeatedly. And she's beat him enough that he doesn't care anymore. I've been there."
"May I say what nice sharing you just did. Okay, Josh doesn't believe in miracles or anything else anymore. But, his uncles will be here tomorrow. They've charted a jet. And he's not going to be easy since he doesn't want anything to do with them."
"You don't think he'll be happy to see them then."
"I'd say a big fat NO. He so far from happy that it's not even close. But can we please table this discussion?" She pressed her body into him. "I find that as usual, I need you."
The beach seemed almost too far from the place they stayed as he moved them toward the dwelling.
"YES," he said before he added, "And since when do you say 'Please?"
"Now! Okay, you want to hear the word, please?" There was that smile.
The word came solidly out of her mouth.
"Just know that I past want you. I've discovered that I NEED YOU more than I ever thought I could need anyone."
She smiled sweetly then said, "You talk a good talk but I know you, Oliver Jonas Queen. What do you think you're doing?"
His mouth attacked her neck and made his way to her ear. "I'm doing you. And, YES, I'd be glad to do you again and again. "
Lifting her, he slammed her against his body.
He didn't care they were out in the open.
The beach was deserted.
No one could see them from the road.
The sun had gone down.
And now was as good as time as any.
She whimpered, sucking in her breath. "You're good at that I'm dying here."
His mouth returned to her neck and his hands found other warm places.
"Here?"
"Okay, here."
"Hold on to me tight, Felicity."
"I can do that. Would love to do that. Love that I get to have these non-platonic moments with you now."
He lifted her with the words, "Felicity I'm about to have you right here, we're about as far from platonic as we're every going to get, and we're way too far from the house."
"Just do it!"
She wrapped her legs tightly around him.
Bracing his feet, he shoved her short dress up and ripped her panties off.
"Oliver, darn it, I liked that pair."
But she whimpered for him.
"I'll buy you new ones."
"Promises, promises."
He pressed himself against her and she wrapped her arms around his neck. "I needed a good upper body workout, anyway. Hold on, Felicity."
"Always, happy to help," she said as she groaned and attacked his mouth and rocked his world.
#####OQ#####
Later, much later, he held her awesome body beside him in bed. Caging her with his body, he yawned and cherished the moment, laying there in his favorite spot in the entire world, her scent filled his senses and he drifted away, thinking about Josh.
#####OQ#####
"Hit him again." The large man with the fur hat said, "I don't like his answer."
"Hitting me isn't going to change my answer."
He spit blood on the floor, trying to hit his tormentor's boots.
"Okay, then let me try to change your mind." The man snapped open a lighter and the hiss of a propane torch reached his ears as the man abruptly melted his shirt into his lower back.
On fire, he screamed loudly.
The extreme burning on his back quickly became excruciating, unbearable, became liquid fire that melted his flesh, cooked his flesh, and he ripped free of the men holding him and became a killing machine.
"Oliver, wake up. Oliver!"
Something soft hit him in the face and he fought back, came off the bed roaring as he jerked awake and realized Felicity was no longer in the bed.
No, she stood several feet away, blonde hair wild, hugging a pillow in a death grip, her face white.
"Did I hurt you?"
She shook her head.
"Touch you?"
She nodded repeatedly.
"Felicity, what did I do in my sleep? I can tell by your face, I've done something in my sleep. Hurt you? Tell me. DID I HURT YOU?"
"You knocked me out of the bed." She said the words softly, and the words tugged on his heart strings.
"Jeez, I'm sorry. You know I'd never hurt you on purpose. This is exactly why we shouldn't sleep together." He drug his fingers through his hair, his chest tight, almost too tight and breathing became hard.
"Don't you dare go back there. We've had this fight more than once. YOU SLEEP WITH ME. YOU'RE A PART OF ME."
"That was before I pushed you out our bed without knowing I did it. I could seriously hurt you. That fact cancels out everything."
"No, it doesn't." She moved. Her hand reached and smoothed his cheek. "Don't punish yourself, Oliver. Please, you have PTSD. I get that. It's hard for both of us. But if we keep trying to work through it."
"Felicity, don't."
She stared him down, her eyes intense as she said, "Would you face it, Oliver. Accept it. You do. Now, I know you never planned to shove me out of our bed. But you have triggers and something," she gave a slight shrug before she hugged the pillow tighter and added, "Something probably about Josh's situation today brought back your old memories, and you're back to fighting for your life again. And that comes out in your sleep because you won't deal with it during the day."
He swallowed hard remembering the burn from the torch, the weeks of healing, the blisters and the oozing, the constant pain. For an instant, he shut his eyes trying not to think about the agony from the burn, trying to not get sucked back into those memories, those dark times. While he dealt with the heavy feeling in his gut caused by almost hurting her, and he wanted to scream, needed some type of release. And his words came out sharp.
"I can't handle Psych 101 right now. I need to get up. Do something."
"Oh, no you don't. You're not getting up. And there's no way your awesome brain's in a 101 level class. Try more like the 400 level."
And she threw the pillow at him, and he deftly caught it and couldn't help but grin at the view as she stood there naked in front of him.
"You know I flunked out before I ever made it to any 400 level classes. And I think you just insulted me."
She cocked her blonde head and grinned up at him. "What you're saying is my awesome brain is 400 level messed up. And what about yours? You have no room to talk since you continue to stay with me."
And she giggled making him smile once more against his will.
"We are a pair, aren't we? The brain and the brawn."
"I'll admit I've got the muscle, and we both know that you've got the brain, but why do you stay with me?"
He hadn't meant to ask but he couldn't call the words back now.
And maybe he needed her to say the words one more time.
Her eyes found his and as always they talked the best with their eyes and his heart swelled as she said with a slight smile, "I stay because I'm happy with you, Oliver. Okay, it's not what we had before. We aren't fighting crime and saving the city. And it's a little boring sometimes but something like the last few days happens, and we have purpose again."
"Normal life isn't always exciting but it's what I want. I've had enough excitement to last a lifetime. Okay with you?"
"Yeah. It is."
"I'm glad since someday, I want babies with you, only with you, and a home. Maybe not here but here isn't that bad. I want a future, a future with you."
Her smile warmed him and she tipped her head at him.
"I want those things too. And as to my head being messed up, well, I remember there's a fine line between genius and crazy. Then I try to stay on the genius side of the line. It's rather like learning to color inside the lines if you think about it."
He barked a sharp laugh as he closed his eyes for a second and shook his head.
"How do you do that to me? I tossed your sleeping defenseless body out of my bed not five minutes ago, and you're standing there naked and you giggle because my brain's messed up. Okay, but if you don't want me up, you seriously need to come back to my bed."
"Always. But I'm buying a new rug for my side of the bed. A fluffy one. Easier to land on."
She climbed back in his bed and snuggled against him, hugging him close. Her cheek against his chest, he pulled her down, savoring her warm skin against his.
"Don't joke. You want to play Psych 101. I'll play. You joke to make light of things. You joke as a coping mechanism; maybe if it's funny then it can't be that bad. Which means it can't hurt you. Well, I know better."
"Don't go there."
"Listen, Felicity, I'd never willingly hurt you, but I could truly hurt you in my sleep. You need to reconsider. I . . ." He looked away before he said, "I could hurt you. I've gone through a lot. And lately, Russia's been on my mind."
After saying the words, breathing became hard, as the idea that he could truly hurt her in his sleep attacked him. Again his chest tightened painfully as thoughts of why he couldn't control his dreams tortured him and those four damn letters haunted him.
"Okay then talk about it. Call Dig. Talk to me. Let me make an appointment with the one who will not be named. But talk to someone. You need to talk to someone."
"I can't. And this isn't Harry Potter."
"Good catch. Nice to know my movie marathon sessions have been worth something."
"I can read you know? And you still made a joke about it."
"Yeah, okay, I do that. I joke. I make light. But I have to cope with our lives somehow. You won't get help. You won't talk about your problems. I love you and need us to get better, and I have to deal somehow."
This conversation was getting too deep for him. His hands fisted, his head pounded.
"And you're lying there beating yourself up but you know what?"
"What?" His hands tightened, pulling her closer, absorbing her scent.
"I still love the now you and you're sleeping with me. No matter what." She poked her sharp fingernail into his chest with the words, "We're in this together."
Catching her hand, he placed a lingering kiss in her palm.
Carefully, she cupped his face and his chest tighten, with her words, "You surprised me tonight. You know one moment I'm dead asleep, worn out, and the next second I'm literally falling, Talk about living your dreams. Do you ever dream about falling? I dream about falling a lot."
She trailed her fingers downward, rubbing small circles, smoothing his skin, and he shut his eyes and savored her touch. "No, I dream about fighting and getting hurt."
Touching her way down his arm, she laced her fingers with his and rubbed the palm of his hand.
"You've never dreamed about falling?"
"No, I just mainly dream about my scars."
She smiled her smile at him. "Of course, you do. Well, I dream about falling sometimes. Though I'm surprised you don't have falling dreams since those dreams are supposed to mean you think your life's out of control."
"I did that to you. That's my fault. If I'd had never brought you into my life, you wouldn't have that kind of dream."
"No, that's not true. I dreamed falling dreams even before I met you. And if you hadn't asked me to help you then we would have never had us. Do you honestly regret us?"
"Of course not. I just don't want to hurt you because of my dreams, my baggage."
"I'm strong enough to survive a tumble out of bed. And I dream too not just about falling but other things too."
Her hands smoothed his chest, tracing his scars, lovingly touching his body.
"I know what you're doing," he almost growled the words.
"So what. I'm making you feel better aren't I?"
"Felicity, I flung you out of our bed in the middle of the night. I don't deserve to feel better."
"I'm okay. And yes, you do. Do you know what else I dream?"
Her hot hands made focusing on the conversation hard, among other things, as she went on. "I also dream I'm naked and can't find my clothes. But I'm looking for them."
"Naked?" He hardened, thickened, unable to stop the reaction.
"Yeah, I've looked it up. That dream means I'm hiding something."
"Hiding something?"
"Yeah. Dreamed that one a lot, the last few years, present company included sometimes. Well, lots of times. I think I'll stop since I've admitted I had . . ." She bit her lip then said, "dreams about you and I naked. Hot dreams."
He smiled even if he had knocked her out of the bed minutes earlier since she'd pretty much admitted she'd had wet dreams about him.
"Well, then you wouldn't be the only one."
"You dreamed about me naked?"
She licked her lips and the action shot straight through him, and he hardened more, seriously made him hard.
"For years. Repeatedly. I wanted you, dreamed about you right here like this. Only trust me, I wasn't looking for my clothes."
His mouth moved touching skin.
"Oh. . ."
She smiled her amazing smile that lightened his chest and made it easier to breathe as his hands smoothed her body.
But he couldn't let it go.
"Now, focus Felicity, did I hurt you? Show me where you landed. Your back, your side, your backside? Please don't lie to me. Show me."
Pointing she said, "Here on my hip and here on my elbow." She grinned a smug grin. "Do you want to kiss my boo-boos and make them better."
"This isn't a joke. I could seriously hurt you."
"It didn't hurt. It surprised me."
Inspecting her smooth flesh the best he could in the low light, he moved to kiss her elbow and her hip as he whispered, "I wish I could promise you that that will never that again. You need to let me sleep."
"Shh. . ." she placed her finger on his mouth with the words, "Oliver, you have PTSD. I've accepted it and if you would too."
"Felicity, if you want me to stay in the bed don't start with that."
Already his stomach knotted. Riley Clark's name would be coming out of her mouth next, and she's start pushing him to talk about the dream or asked him to go see the man.
"Breathe, Oliver. You're going to hyperventilate."
"No, I'm not."
"You're not that good at lying. Maybe you should give it up."
"Maybe."
"Normal Oliver answer." She shook her blonde head. "Now since I know that you don't want to talk about how you're not handling your issues, why don't you do something you're seriously good at."
"Which is?" Oh, how he loved his woman.
"Well, you're pretty good at kissing."
So he kissed her and found his spot with her, his place in this strange life they now lived and for right now, he found life pretty darn good.
Later, as he held her he said, "I love you. And okay, for you, I'll try to talk to someone. Maybe John."
"Really?"
"Yeah, really. I love you enough to try."
"I love you, too, Oliver."
Then her mouth and body showed him how much she loved him, and he loved her enough to try since she was worth it.
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Thanks for the read and if you have time please review. As always, normal life goes on.
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