She woke up with butterflies in her stomach. All day she had trouble eating, concentrating, thinking. She thanked whoever was listening that today hadn't been a work day, she knew nothing would have been accomplished. The only thoughts circulating her mind were those about what would happen later that night. Her first real date with Chakotay. She honestly had a hard time believing that it was true, that his feelings had developed or reemerged; that something real had blossomed out of something fake. But last night he told her that he loved her, and she couldn't do anything but admit she loved him back.

She was honestly relieved that she no longer had to lie to her friends and colleagues about her personal life. She had felt rotten whenever someone congratulated her on her relationship or when Tom and B'Elanna said that they should make dinner together a monthly thing. She couldn't tell those who congratulated her 'Thank you oh so much but you see it's all a charade,'
Nor could she say to Tom and B'Elanna 'That sounds lovely, but unfortunately my agreement with Chakotay only lasts for one more date'.

Now it wouldn't be a lie. Now, she could be with the man she loved, in every sense of the word. The prospect of sex was enticing, it wasn't like she hadn't thought about it before. For years on Voyager, fantasies were all she had; all she felt she could have. Her nerves grew worse now that she realized it wouldn't be in her head anymore.

When it was finally time to start getting ready, she was nearly in a panic.

She went through her entire closet twice, but nothing was right. Finally, she released a breath and picked a knee-length black dress. It was something she felt good in, and it wasn't uncomfortable. She loosely pinned her hair up and put on a thin layer of makeup. In her mind she always imagined him letting her hair down in a gentle, loving moment, now maybe that aspect of her fantasy could come true.

Chakotay said to be at his place by seven-thirty. It was a little past seven when she decided to leave. She didn't want to be late, and she thought that she'd give herself time to breathe and calm down, take a walk before the date.

As she walked out the door, she neglected to notice that someone was attempting to call her.

Chakotay was hoping that she'd pick up. When she didn't, he grew guilty and prayed that she hadn't left yet. He decided to send her a written message.

As Kathryn approached his house, she could see that only one dim light remained on. She remembered him telling her to go through his backyard, and that they could have dinner on the patio. As she followed the small stoned path, she noticed a single red rose. It laid on the ground outside the door and had a small note attached.

It read "For the woman to whom my heart belongs, I couldn't find a flower as beautiful as you, but hopefully this will suffice,"

She smiled and walked inside. It was oddly quiet and rather dark.

"Hello?" she called out.

"Anyone here?" no response.

After waiting around for a while, she decided to use his console to check her messages. She thought that maybe he had tried to contact her. She was right. Her eyes glanced over the message.

Dear Kathryn,
I am so sorry to cancel last minute, but something important came up. I had everything all set up too, but I promise that we will do something this week. I hope you're not too disappointed. I'll talk to you tomorrow.
Love, Chakotay

She was disappointed but knew deep down that he wouldn't have canceled this for anything menial or insignificant. After shutting everything down, she walked out the way she came in. About halfway down the path, she noticed a light turn on. She walked closer, back towards the patio and smiled when she saw him walk in the front door. She thought for a moment that maybe the night could still go on, just a bit later than initially planned. Her smile and that thought rapidly vanished as she saw another person walk through the door. Her heart dropped into her stomach when she realized who it was.

"I appreciate your assistance tonight, I wasn't sure who else to call," she said.

"Of course, Annika, I'm still your friend. I'm so sorry that this happened, but I'm glad you called, This must be hard for you, she…" he was about to continue, but was interrupted.

"If we could…avoid the subject. I find it rather unpleasant and…painful," she said.

"Of course. Would you like something to drink?" he asked.

Seven glanced around the room, noticing the set table and the unlit candles.

"I've interrupted your plans," she stated.

"Yes, but it's fine. I'll be able to reschedule,"

"It was a date?" she asked.

"Uh, yes It was," he said, aware of the awkwardness of the situation.

She paused for a moment, taking into account that these were things he used to do for her, the candles and flowers, and home-cooked meals. She missed it, she missed having someone to rely on like this, someone to come home to and go out with.

"Chakotay?" she asked, walking toward him.

"Yes?"

"I've been doing a lot of thinking over the past month. I've come to the conclusion that I may have made a mistake…when I suggested we end our relationship,"

She got closer and looked up at him, her eyes large and piercing into his own.

"Annika, I really don't think we should be having this conversation right now. Your feelings might be a little mixed up, and your heads not in the right place. Why don't I make you some tea or something to eat and then you can get some rest. We'll talk in the morning when…"

Before he could finish, and before he could even react, she had put her arms around him and kissed him. It was so familiar, and it was nice, but it wasn't who he wanted to be kissing at that moment.

He pulled away, his eyes looking nervously around the room.

"Annika.. we can't," he noticed that her gaze was pointed outside, her expression changing from satisfaction to subtle shock.

"What is…" he stopped himself.

She was looking outside because someone had been watching them. It took him a moment to see in the darkness who that person was. When his eyes began to recognize her, he nearly fainted. Her hand flattened out, releasing the red rose he had left for her and letting it drop to the ground. Before he regained the ability to even breath, she began to run.

"Dammit," he muttered.

He ran outside and went after her as fast as he could. By the time he caught up, she was down the street.

"Kathryn wait, that wasn't what it looked like,"

"Don't bother," she said angrily.

He grabbed onto her arm and spun her around.

"Please, Kathryn. You have to believe me," he looked in her eyes, now flooded with tears, and pleaded with her. She yanked her arm back and looked at him sadly.

"I can't believe I was so stupid," her voice broke.

"Kathryn.."

"'Something important came up' … more like 'someone better came along'" she said, mocking his message from earlier.

"Kathryn, you don't honestly believe…"

"No, I'm done. I want you out of my life, and I never want to see or hear from you again,"

"Please, don't do this,"

"Why? ...Why does it matter anyway, you got what you wanted. Your brilliant plan worked. You got to play the part with me, toy with my feelings, and make her jealous. Why string me along anymore? Go home...I'm sure she's waiting for you," and with that, she wiped her tears and was on her way, leaving him standing in the street, shell-shocked and heartbroken.

He walked in and slammed the door behind him.

Seven had been waiting for him on the couch and stood when he came back inside.

"I should apologize. I didn't know she was there until it was too late. You were right, I wasn't thinking straight. I'm still learning about…emotions and how to interpret them. I've gotten better, but sometimes it gets confusing beyond my level of comprehension," she admitted.

"It wasn't right for me to throw myself at you, especially when I was the one who wanted to leave the relationship. It was unfair of me and a moment of irrational judgment,"

He was silent, trying desperately to get a hold on his anger at the situation, he didn't want to blow up or yell at her, but he was angry.

"I was unaware that you were romantically involved with the admiral. You two are well suited for one another," she said.

"I don't think she sees it that way anymore," he replied.

"Perhaps I could talk to her, maybe she'd understand the situation…"

"No, you've done enough. If you don't need anything to eat or drink, I suggest we get some rest. It's been a long day. You can take the bedroom and I'll take the couch,"

She simply nodded and walked towards his bedroom, closing the door behind her.

He crashed down on the couch, feeling the tears slip down his cheeks and replaying that conversation over and over again in his head. He knew he wouldn't be getting much sleep tonight.

She slammed the door closed and quickly got undressed and into her pajamas. It was still early in the night, so she grabbed a snack and sat down with a book. Every time she started reading the first sentence, she thought about him and she wanted to cry. In a moment of anger, she threw the book across the room. It felt good. She wanted to feel that again, so she picked up a pillow and threw it in the same direction. It wasn't good enough. She looked down at the coffee table, the glass bowl that rested there. It was a gift, but she couldn't remember who from. She picked it up but hesitated.

'It's too much, I should put it down and walk away' she thought.

She went to put it down, it hovered above the surface of the table for a few seconds before the images flashed in her mind. Seven's arms around him, her lips kissing him while she watched from outside. Without a second thought, she hurled the glass bowl at the wall and watched it shatter. She let out a sad chuckle and sat back down, her head placed in her hands. Almost immediately she heard a frantic knocking at her front door.

"Go away! I'm not home," she yelled.

"Kathryn? It's B'Elanna are you ok? I heard something break,"

She huffed and walked over to the door to open it.

"Sorry, yeah I'm fine,"

B'Elanna noticed Kathrynn's red, puffy eyes. She knew that she'd been crying.

"You forgot your sweater at our house the other night, I thought I'd drop it off while I was out. Are you sure you're alright?" she asked.

"I'm fine. Thanks for dropping it off. Goodnight," she took the sweater and went to close the door, but B'Elanna stuck her foot in before she got the chance.

"You say that a lot. 'I'm fine'. When we were on Voyager, especially during the first few years I knew you weren't fine, but I never asked or pushed you to tell me what was wrong. But you're no longer my captain, you're my friend. So, I feel that I have the right to say this...you're full of shit," she said, crossing her arms.

"B'Elanna…"

"No, Kathryn. I'm not going to leave until you tell me why you were crying. And why the bowl Tom and I bought you is currently shattered on the floor,"

"I'm so sorry I didn't know you bought that for me,"

"It was hideous anyway. I should never let Tom pick gifts. So, are you going to tell me what's wrong?"

"Really B'Elanna I'm…"

"Fine…but you're not. So, I'll just stand here, waiting. I guess you can explain to Tom and Miral why I'm never coming home. Maybe they can come to visit me out here on your front porch, where I'll likely freeze or starve to death and my body will…"

"You've made your point, get in," Kathryn said, admitting defeat.

B'Elanna walked past her with a satisfied smile and sat on the ground in front of the couch.

"So, tell me what's going on,"

"First thing first," Kathryn pulled out a bottle of wine and got two glasses.

"So you two were faking the whole time?" B'elanna asked in shock.

"Mmmhhmm"

"Even that night you were over for dinner? When you two were getting handsy under the table?"

Kathryn nearly spat out her wine.

"You both knew about that?" she asked, mortified.

"Not Tom, just me. I'm the smart one, he's the pretty one, remember?"

Kathryn laughed but jumped back to the point.

"Yes, we were faking it. Well, not the…under the table stuff, that was me trying to bother him, make him sweat,"

"Well, it worked. But you still haven't told me why you were crying,"

"Last night he told me he loved me, and that he wanted to try and date for real,"

"That's great,"

"Tonight was supposed to be our first real date. When I got to his house, no one was there. I checked my messages and he said that something important had come up and that he had to reschedule,"

"I still don't see the problem," B'Elanna said.

"As I was leaving he came home…with Seven,"

"OK… maybe he was helping her or maybe she needed a place to stay. It could've been innocent,"

"I saw them kiss," Kathryn said, her voice growing quiet.

"That no good, worthless Peta'Q. I swear I'll make him pay,"

"No, I…I just want to forget about it and move on,"

"Why would he do that? It doesn't make any sense,"

"This whole plan was conceived because he wanted Seven back. Now he finally got what he wanted. Maybe I was just a consolation prize. Maybe he lost hope of getting her back, so he figured that I'd keep him company until someone better came along,"

"That's not true. Fake or not, I have never seen Chakotay as happy as is when he's with you. Not even when he was with Seven," B'Elanna said.

"I think I'm done talking about him," Kathryn said, downing what little wine was left in her glass.

"And I think that you and I should get drunk off our asses and stuff our faces with food we shouldn't eat," B'Elanna suggested.

Kathryn smiled genuinely and practically sprinted towards the kitchen.

After they had talked, laughed, and gone through two bottles of wine, a pint of coffee ice cream, and brownies, B'Elanna was passed out on the couch and Kathryn was nearly asleep as well.

"B'Elanna?" she whispered, but the only reply she received was a loud snore.

Kathryn stood up and lazily began cleaning up the mess they had made. She stood in the kitchen and stared out the window. It was a beautiful night, nights like these, when you could see the sky so vividly, she remembered the reason she loved space. Being among the stars, rather than staring at them from afar, there was something magical about it, a transcendence of her own being. Space gave her purpose, honor, and the chance to explore the universe's untold secrets. When she was out there, she worked for seven long years to get back to earth, but now, standing there, she felt more lost than her darkest day in the delta quadrant.

She shook her head. She couldn't believe how ridiculous she felt. She was safe, healthy, and had a wonderful career. She had incredible friends, one of whom was passed out drunk on her couch. She had a loving mother and sister. But what she longed for most was someone to share her world with, someone who loved every part of her and who made her feel wanted. Every time she thought she found it, somehow it was ripped away; by death, by distance, by directive. Now by someone who she considered a friend, a protégé of sorts. She helped to shape and rehabilitate her humanity, and in return, she used that humanity to begin a relationship with the one person Kathryn loved. It wasn't Seven's fault. She supposed that at first, it wasn't Chakotay's fault either. She had never told him to wait, she never expressed her true feelings. But tonight, there was a fault, there was anger. She hadn't realized she was crying, and she scoffed. She couldn't remember crying this much in years.

She nearly jumped two feet in the air when B'Elanna placed a hand on her shoulder.

Without a word, without a question, B'Elanna took her in her arms and hugged her.

"Thank you," she said.

"you… you...you are so welcome," B'elanna said, her speech slightly slurred. B'elanna had done most of the drinking while Kathryn had done most of the talking.

"And you are so drunk," Kathryn said, laughing.

"I take offes…offense to that I'm perfectly sober," she said, standing straight up.

"Alright, let's go, it's bedtime," Kathryn said, ushering her back to the living room.

"Hey, I don't have a bedtime I am an adult," she argued.

"I know you're an adult, but I'm highly suggesting that you sleep this off, come on I'll help you to the couch,"

"Thank you…you're such a good friend, pretty too,"

"Thank you B'Elanna,"

"Don't tell Tom I got a little drunk tonight ok? He's being all weird about what I drink and what I eat because we're trying for another baby,"

"Oh noooo...I wasn't supposed to tell anyone...don't tell him that either,"

"I won't, now go to bed,"

"Okay,"

"Goodnight,"

"Night,"

The next morning, B'Elanna woke up only minutes before the sun had risen. She replicated something to take the edge off her hangover and decided to run out and do something before Kathryn woke up.

Once she arrived at her destination, she walked up to the door and banged on it harshly.

Chakotay opened the door looking groggy and tired, which wasn't a surprise, considering he had just woken up. He was only wearing sweatpants and his hair was messy and sticking up in some places.

"B'Elanna, what are you..."

"I came here to ask what the hell you're thinking. I was with Kathryn all night, she told me everything. I listened to her cry herself to sleep. How could you? She loves you and you hurt her,"

"B'Elanna, I have to talk to her. You don't…she misread the whole situation, but she won't answer my messages. She told me she never wanted to see or hear from me ever again,"

"Then explain it to me,"

He sighed.

"Annika's Aunt died last night. She called me from the hospital and said she didn't want to be alone and I told her she was welcome to spend the night here. That kiss was a misunderstanding. Nothing else happened I swear. I slept on the couch and…I know she won't believe me, but I had no intentions of getting back together with Seven,I never did,"

"I'm confused, wasn't the whole fake dating thing all you trying to make Seven jealous enough that she'd want you back?"

"Why don't you come in and we can talk about this,"

"Fine but this conversation better include breakfast,"

TBC