Co-Written by Neo H.B.B. Sam
XxXxX
Open-Handed
XxXxX
May sat in the unisex restroom at Big Jim's Bar and Grill, as it was the only restroom the restaurant had for customers and employees. She passed time by observing the wall next to her that was so heavily vandalized, that Big Jim gave up trying to clean it. There were the usual dick drawings, and a couple of phone numbers that may or may not have been fake. But scanning through the generic tags, there were a few pieces of graffiti that May took interest in.
"Restroom rating: 7 asses, will shit here again
-N.G."
Below it was a drawing of ten butts, with seven of them colored in with blue ink, the other three left as outlines. May agreed with the bathroom's rating.
"I fucked my girlfriend here and we don't give a fuck!"
Below that was the message: "No you didn't dad, you're just drunk."
May figured if anyone did had sex in the restroom, it wouldn't have been the most disgusting thing that happened here.
"Water dance with me!"
May had no idea what that phrase meant, but it probably wasn't important.
"Fishbowl 3 was the superior sequel!"
"Dem's fightin words bitch!"
May personally thought the first Fishbowl was the best.
One of the newest additions of the restroom's graffiti was a rather impressive mural of a monstrous goat-like beast with horns, claws, hooves, and a massive bulge behind the loincloth it wore.
And below that was the newly written message: "no mor of deez ed
-May"
Other than the colorful graffiti, the only other message that caught May's eye was a notice on the restroom door.
"TO ALL EMPLOYEES:
I regret to inform my faithful customers and trusted employees that Big Jim's Bar and Grill is going up for sale. We've had a good run, a strong ten years of good food and service, but sadly it's time that my wife and I move on from this business. Now that we're old enough to retire, we'll be buying a horse ranch to spend the rest of our days. If anyone is worried about job security, you'll need to take it up with the new management. I wish you all good luck, and that you'll forgive me for leaving.
-Big Jim"
After reading that unfortunate notice, May was finished with her business and checked the white strip she was urinating on. Seeing the plus sign made her heart sink like a stone, passing out in the stalls from sheer shock.
XxXxX
FullThrottleKev: yo eddy when i was headin 2 teh gym fr basketball i saw u talkin 2 our football coach n sum guyz in suits
CEOCa$h: u did?
FullThrottleKev: saw sum handshackes wtf is goin on!?
CEOCa$h: shit uummmmhh FBI?!1?
FullThrottleKev: lol okay if yu were ur bro id believb tat
CEOCa$h: yh ok dat waz stupid butt u relly wanna kow? ur not gonna like it
FullThrottleKev: i thik i hav a gud idea nyway
CEOCa$h: u know how u sayd dat none of teh scouts loooked at u? well thats bcuz they were lookin at me
FullThrottleKev: r u fuckin searious!?1 wut abot tat shit u said aabot workin 4 ur dad
CEOCa$h: teh shit wit my dad was BS kev sorri my folkz r all 4 me goin 2 collage n mah dad wats me 2 get a business degre ore sumthin so i can ackually be sumone unliek mah bro
CEOCa$h: mah old mans gonna giv my bro teh chance 2 start a 2nd line uff used cars sense hes got nothin else goin 4 him n plus mahh dad jus wants him to GTFO off town
FullThrottleKev: wow jus fuckin wow eddy fuckin unbelievbable wat shcool iz it evan 4 nyway?!1?
CEOCa$h: you heer about aka univercity?
FullThrottleKev: NOO0O FUCKIN WAY!111
CEOCa$h: tey gav me an ahletic shcolar ship 2 play 4 teh Butchers butt i heerd sum animel rites peeps want teh name tooooo chang 4 sum pussy reson
FullThrottleKev: hooly fuckin shit i cant believb this is happin rite now
CEOCa$h: AKA univercity wantz me 2 show up 2 a camp in march n ten start practicin wit tem once i get outta PCH so i mite miss a bit of schol 4 spring but i got mos of mah creds nyway just need 2 mak sure mah GPA is abov 2.0
FullThrottleKev: kewl kewl anythin else ur fuckin hiden from me!?
CEOCa$h: i swear tats it man asid form pssin in ur sink wen i waz drunk at 1 of ur partahs butt i dun really remembor
FullThrottleKev: k eddy brb gotta get phon
CEOCa$h: kk i relly didnt want u upset i only told my parents and ed
CEOCa$h: i mean shit kev weve ben ovor teh hole rivalry BS 4 liek yeers now i didnt want sum fucking foot ball brinin tat up agian
CEOCa$h: hey kev u there? i think i heer my bro or ed teerin up mah livin rooom
FullThrottleKev: OK bak checkin thro phon rite now
FullThrottleKev: wait wtf iz thiz
CEOCa$h: wats up kev?
FullThrottleKev: YUR BRO SENT NAZZ FUCKIN DIK PICS!111! N U NEVAR TOLD ME!?
CEOCa$h: oooo shit she told me not too n i wasnt gonnah get in teh midel off tat drama btween u 2
FullThrottleKev: GODD FUCKIN DAM IT!1111! I NEW SHE HAD U WRAPED ROUND HER FUCKIN FIGER!111!11
CEOCa$h: KEV IM SORRI I TOLD MAH BRO 2 FUCK OFF FROM TEXTIN HER!11!11
FullThrottleKev: OK u kno wut im not mad at u eddy uearned teh scholarship n u kicked ass thiz year in football man if it werent 4 u wed nevar even make it 2 sections at least
CEOCa$h: phew i know thaks kev
FullThrottleKev: butt i still am relly fuckin mad
FullThrottleKev: so mothrfuckin pissed off i gotta let loos
FullThrottleKev: I THINK IM GONNA POUND TEH FUCKING LIFE OUTTA YOUR BROTHER!11!11!1
CEOCa$h: ooooooo shit reelee u wanna do tat kev?
FullThrottleKev: jus threw ur phon in ur backyard now go play hid n seek wit tat shit i got a sleeze to smash
CEOCa$h: for fucks sake kev thiz aint a gud idea
FullThrottleKev is currently offline, they will receive your message the next time they log in.
FullThrottleKev is now Offline.
CEOCa$h: wat u fucking dumass!11
CEOCa$h is now Away.
XxXxX
Snow gently fell and Eddy's brother harshly fell to the ground as he was being pulverized by Kevin. "You think sending dick pics is funny you fucking creep?" Kevin shouted as he kept brutally bashing Eddy's brother's head into the side of his whale trailer. The raging barrage of fists, kicks and grapples seemed like a never-ending onslaught as Eddy's brother didn't even put up a fight against this savage assault. Unlike Eddy who had a body of iron, Kevin found that his ex-rival's older brother was incredibly soft, which made him look all the more like tenderized meat as Kevin kept pounding him.
"Oh my God, this is fucking gold!" Marie exclaimed, giggling. She was recording the entire fight from inside her trailer, making sure her stolen Go-Pro camera was capturing every moment of this vicious brawl. This was the most exciting thing to happen at Park n' Flush this month so far, and Marie definitely wasn't going to miss out on filming the beat-down.
"Marie, get your ass in the kitchen; you gotta check this out!" Lee blasted so loud it caused the Go-Pro to wobble around Marie's chest.
"I see the fight outside Lee, I'm getting it all on tape!" Marie yelled back as she readjusted herself on the living room couch to get a better angle of the action.
"Not that, it's something a lot more important!" Lee bellowed even louder than before.
Marie sighed as she hopped off the couch, walking over to the kitchen as she remarked, "What the hell could be better than seeing Eddy's brother getting knocked-" Before Marie knew it, Lee suddenly slammed a piece of paper in her face, sending her crashing to the ground.
"When'cha plan on tellin' me 'bout this Marie?" Lee towered over her sister as Marie got up and stared at the paper, gulping. "Tell me what it says."
Marie shook, sweating nervously as she read the slip. "Dear Mrs. Kanker, I regret to inform you that your child Marie Kanker has been expelled from Peach Creek High after a disciplinary hearing before the district's Board of Education on Monday, November 24th, 2014. The decision reached for Marie Kanker to be expelled was for the breaking the school's code of conduct on multiple occasions. Reasons include: insubordination, unacceptable sexual behavior, theft, violating the dress code, bullying, trespassing, possession of alcohol and drug paraphernalia and misuse of technology. If Marie Kanker wishes to get her diploma this year she will need to transfer to a high school in a different district soon or otherwise at a later time enroll in a G.E.D. program. If you have any questions regarding making appeals for your child's expulsion, please do not hesitate to contact me for possible suggestions. Sincerely, Principal Underwood."
Lee cranked open the window and took in a heavy sigh. "Well, can't say I'm surprised." She pulled out a cigarette and began lighting it up. "I just wish you wouldn't 'ave kept it a secret for two weeks!"
"So what's the big deal then?" Marie questioned, growing frustrated at how much of a big deal her sister was making this out to be. "We used to skip school together all the time, hell half our time at junior high was us chilling in that boiler room! Shit Lee, you even dropped out last year!"
Lee exhaled a large amount of smoke, trying to keep her composure. "Yeah, cause I was dumb 'n had no choice," she told her sister, continuing to take hits from her cig. "If I didn't, there's no way we could afford to pay rent for this shit. Speakin' of rent, now that you're not in school no more, it's time you do your share 'round here. Me 'n May shouldn't have to cover bills while you do jackshit!"
"Hey, I make money with my WeTube videos, Lee!" Marie argued, pulling out her phone to show a recent video of hers that was in the six-digit figures for views.
Lee pushed aside Marie's phone as she finished off her cigarette. "Bullshit, now go plant your ass somewhere while I go find the classifieds!" Lee exclaimed, searching around the trash can. "Must've thrown away the news somewhere..."
"Did you even hear what I just said?" Marie was starting to get very aggravated by her sister being so insistent that she find a real job. "You know me Lee, I couldn't last a day in a shit hole like McNasty's, Big Jim's or Want*More! Most people piss me off, and I'm not gonna put on a fake-ass attitude just to get shouted at by retards all day for some minimum wage!"
"Yeah, well tough shit Marie, if me 'n May can do it, so can you!" Lee slammed the garbage-covered newspaper onto the kitchen table, with the classified's circled in red ink. "Found this in the break room at Want*More last night. Circled the jobs for myself, but I think you'll need 'em more than I do."
Marie hastily scanned through the list of job openings, sulking at how lackluster many of them were. "Who the fuck in their right mind would wanna do these jobs?" She ripped the newspaper into shreds, the torn newsprint raining all over the table. "I mean the stripper gig looked good, but no way in hell am I commuting to the city and back for it!"
Lee's face glowed red like hot lava, with steam coming out of her ears. "What part of doing your share 'round here don'tcha get Marie?" She reached for her pocket to grab another cigarette, only to find out her carton was now empty, adding to Lee's frustration. Surveying the trailer, Lee desperately inspected her home for a smoke, but to her dismay couldn't find any. "Damn, we're outta smokes! And for fuck's sake Marie, with mom gone all of us gotta pitch in to live here ya know. I'm starting to wonder if I should've let that twink Dutch stop ya from makin' your dumb videos!
"Shut the fuck up Lee, if it wasn't for you getting that abortion, mom would've never left!" Within a nanosecond of screaming that claim, Marie instantly knew she landed herself in deep shit. The smoky air suddenly grew very tense in short time, sending chills down Marie's spine.
"That's it, get out."
"Lee, I didn't-"
"Get the fuck out of here!" Lee roared with a thunderous boom so ear-splitting, it caused the entirety of Park 'n Flush to rumble. Marie was petrified, frozen with fear as Lee violently grabbed her by the arms and tossed her out of their trailer with the force of a cannon. The only thing preventing Marie from shattering on impact was the softness of the snow outside.
"What the hell's wrong with you Lee, I was gonna say-" Marie pleaded, only to have her clothes come flying at her, along with several other of her possessions.
"It don't matter, you're fuckin' dead to me you cunt!" Lee continued to chuck all of Marie's belongings outside of the trailer, while making sure her shotgun was nearby encase she needed to use it. "After everythin' I try doin' to keep this family together, you just had to tear it apart! I'm fuckin' done dealing with your shit you bitch, take your punk-ass somewhere else!"
"Fine, fuck you too ya baby killer!" Grabbing what she could, Marie took only the essentials while Lee kept shouting and pointing the shotgun at her. "I should've left with mom when I had the chance you fucking dyke!" Marie crammed what belongings she could into trash bags, tying them up as she made her way out of Park 'N Flush, giving Lee the finger on her way out. She abandoned everything else there, not turning to glance even once at the hell behind her. Having been forsaken from her home, Marie didn't look back once, not wanting anyone to see her face as Marie tried her hardest not to cry.
XxXxX
Nazz and Jonny observed the school's bulletin board, scanning it intently for information. Jonny pressed his rough hands against the cork-board, nearly tearing off announcements with his forceful touch. With his obstructive head blocking the board, Nazz had to push him aside to read the latest news at Peach Creek High. "Dude, some of us are like, trying to look here," Nazz jeered as she began to read the flashy messages tacked into the soft cork.
"Go-Pro Still Missing!
The Go-Pro cam recorder from the A/V club's film editing room that went missing in October is still missing. Any students with information about the camera's whereabouts, along with the equipment being unharmed, will now receive a thirty dollar reward. Please contact Mr. Cathro for more details."
"Winter Holiday Break!
For all staff and students: the Mid-Winter break for Peach Creek High School will start on December 20th and end January 4th. We wish you all happy holidays.
-Principal Underwood and staff."
"Scholarship Award Ceremony: Next February!
To all outstanding juniors and seniors of Peach Creek High School, your time to shine is near! Any recipients who have earned scholarships in either academics, extracurricular activities or by other means this year: Your accomplishments will be presented to the entire student body and facility! All are welcome to attend, and all students who earned a scholarship are expected to show up in order to receive their scholarships from their respective benefactors!
-Principal Underwood"
"First Varsity Men's Basketball Home Game: Cobblers vs Marauders!
The first home game of the 2014-2015 Men's Basketball varsity season will be hosted at Peach Creek High's gymnasium at 7:00 PM on Friday, December 12th, 2014! Don't miss out as the Peach Creek Cobblers duke it out against the Orange River City Marauders! Tickets are five dollars, and season passes are still being sold inside the activities office. Go Cobblers!"
Inside this athletic announcement was also a picture of the two captain's for Peack Creek's basketball team: Kevin Anderson and Jonny Woods. Jonny poked at Nazz to notice, but she scoffed and quickly moved onto reading the next post-it on the bulletin board.
"Mr. Christensen is Leaving Peach Creek High
Dear Students, Parents and Faculty,
It is with deep regret and sorrow that I am resigning from teaching English at Peach Creek High. Due to undisclosed circumstances, it is time that I move on from my post after teaching for here at this wonderful school for twenty-five years. It is incredibly disheartening and shocking, yet it is time that I retire from teaching completely. A long-term substitute teacher shall be taking my place until a permanent teacher is found. This also means I will not be able to lead Traditional Gaming and Knowledge Bowl anymore, with compassionate volunteers taking my place running these clubs instead.
Every single one of you has touched my heart throughout the years. I've seen many colleagues come and go, and I've even taught the children of former students. This only makes it even more unfortunate that I will not be available for contact, and as of this letter I can no longer be reached by my home address, email or phone number. But alas, although I must go, I never want to see the passion and drive inside any of you fizzle out. To all my students, I encourage you to never give up no matter how unfair life gets; and to my colleagues, I can only wish for your time as teachers to go by smoothly with little hassle, and that despite the difficulties of this career it's still worth every moment.
Yours sincerely,
Mr. Keenan Christensen"
XxXxX
Eddward Jones added a new photo!
It's wonderful to have my good friends Juan and Rikki visiting Peach Creek! If it wasn't for them my time in Canada would have been rather lonely and dull, but thanks to Juan and Rikki I was able to grow so much as a person. I'll never forget how I first met them by the Highland Tower during my first summer in Thompson, Manitoba. Who would have guessed that asking for directions to the gas station would have blossomed into such a strong, beautiful friendship?
Double-D had his arms over the shoulders of Juan and Rikki as the three stood in front of Juan's trailer in Park 'n Flush, each holding a tinted glass cup with a drink inside. Juan was quite literally tall, dark and handsome, sporting uneven slicked-back black hair and an impressive goatee-mustache combo, along with plenty of muscle as well. Rikki was curvy, with freckles, fair skin and brunette curly hair with a lot of spunk to go with it. The three clearly looked happy to be reunited, and the joy they emitted shined brighter than the glaring white blanket of snow on the ground.
Ed Trumbull, Nazz Winters and 13 others like this.
Ed Trumbull ooooh kan i vist dubel de plz i allweighs want ed 2 meat deez wierd canaiadan cuhms uf urs
Kevin Anderson woah yeah dude i wana meet up wit rithese guyz 2
Eddward Jones I would definitely enjoy introducing you to Juan and Rikki in-person Ed, and you too Kevin; although I'll be honest and admit I'm a tad bit surprised at your sudden interest. Of course I'll have to ask to see if it's okay with them first for you two to come over.
Juan Trevino You guys are friends of Eddward's so that makes you buddehs of mine eh. You two don't look like a couple of slacks, so youre welcom to visit by later todayeh!
Rikki Wells fuk yeh cume over shits gonna rock boys ;^)
Kevin Anderson awesome commin over in a bit jus gotta wash up
Ed Trumbull i mite fiind out y may hasnt tlaked 2 me latlee!11!1
Juan Trevino Oh my that sounds rather personal friend. Whatever that is I hope it goes swell guy
XxXxX
"Dearest Diary,
'Tis nearly the holiday season; the season where we buy useless trinkets and offer them to each other in absence of actual love or care for each other. A season I used to welcome with a warm smile and open arms, but now I bear an uncaring, stiff upper lip. Yet, I don't feel sorrow or regret, in fact, I don't really feel anything anymore. To be honest, I haven't tried to feel anything for a long while. Not since I became fully aware of what I am, and started desperately to hide it.
I never told Sarah about it, and she's my closest friend and confidant. Sure, she has her suspicions about me, but I've never fully come out to confirm it to her or anyone really. But now that bald-headed freak probably knows, along with anyone else he's told. It makes me sick. Sometimes want to kill him just to make sure he doesn't say a fucking thing, and I regret not doing so when I had the chance. I could get away with it too, I'd just put the blame on someone else like I've always done. I don't think my hands are unclean enough to go through with doing that though.
I'm just a sick person, and that's all I'm going to ever be. That's what they say about people like me, right? That we're sick, that we don't fit with society as a whole, that we shouldn't exist and a bunch of other hate directed towards us. In their eyes we are abominations that should be put to death. Well, if I'm to die for who I am, I won't do so without causing enough damage so they remember my name.
Well, enough of that, time for what I'm really upset about: my family overstaying their welcome. As if Thanksgiving wasn't enough for them, these right- winged aristocrats have more or less taken over the fucking house. Admittedly it's just that gargantuan ape masquerading as human filth Garth, along with his wife and kids, but just those four are too much of my relatives to deal with. Those brutes even tried to take up residence in my room, but a little bit of my fencing rapier was enough to give them the message to kindly fuck off and sleep somewhere else. Something that bothers me is that Garth's actually shown some entrepreneurial interest in this sapling of a town, thinking that he can extend it with carefully bought businesses. I'd like to think that if there was any real potential in this backwater backwoods hick town, my parents would've already capitalized on it. I wish Garth was just wasting his time and money here, but unfortunately the missing-link actually does know a thing or two about business. Whatever that neanderthal tries to make money off of, I hope it fucking flops so hard and that it burns every aspiration Garth has to ashes.
God, it felt good to get that off my chest.
Nothing else is really bothering me aside from Sarah constantly asking if she could stay over, and with a heavy heart I've turned her away. My house is just too full right now, and there really isn't any room for her to reside unless she stays in my room, and there's just so much wrong that can happen with that. There have been more marks on her from what I've seen too, possibly from her whore of a mother. I should really do something to help her, but with all the bullshit I have to deal with now, and the fact that Felix and Fritz aren't available to help at the moment, there isn't much I can do. Perhaps I can get some assistance in rescuing Sarah from that hell house, although I know that one of my debtors is currently hospitalized after being savagely assaulted. With him needing to recuperate, along with having other things in mind I plan on having him take of, I'll have to find others to save Sarah.
Finally, I feel I should speak of Rolf. From what I've heard, his father is not going to make it so I've sent my condolences. Even though we've fell out of contact after I quit the Urban Rangers, I've still considered Rolf a good friend who looked out for me when he could. I can still fondly recall of the time Rolf helped be exact revenge against Eddy by conning him out of all his possessions in return for a "money tree." I think we held onto that giant rat's shit for a week until we finally returned it, for a hefty fee of course. Sure Rolf hasn't defended me as much as Sarah did, but then again Sarah went out of her way to be my protector when we were naught but prepubescent children. Maybe she just wanted an excuse to punch people, but that doesn't really matter anymore.
Honestly, nothing really matters to me these days in this shit excuse of a world. Until next time,
James Edward Clair."
XxXxX
[From: Dad]
[So uh son me and Sue wnet to the hospital today..]
[Message Sent: December 15th, 2:52 PM]
[From: Kevin]
[OH SHIT WAT TEH FUCK HAPPEND DAD!?1!?1?]
[Message Sent: December 15th, 2:53 PM]
[From: Dad]
[No sweat son nothin bad happened so no need too worry now]
[Message Sent: December 15th, 2:56 PM]
[From: Kevin]
[alrite than y did u get me so worked up dad!?]
[Message Sent: December 15th, 2:58 PM]
[From: Dad]
[Well i gotta be blunt and honest here Kevin: turns out i got Sue pregent a couple months ago. Didnt really know how to tell this in person witout it gettin awkward quick so yeah..]
[Message Sent: December 15th, 3:03 PM]
[From: Dad]
[Yo Kev didcha get outta basketball practice yet?]
[Message Sent: December 15th, 6:17 PM]
[From: Dad]
[Doin anythin with your buds? Are yu hanging out with that canadian chick again son?]
[Message Sent: December 15th, 6:51 PM]
[From: Dad]
[Look Kev if u dont text bac soon Sues gonna send out one of them missin person thins n trust me son u do not want there to be a manhunt out after ya]
[Message Sent: December 15th, 8:46 PM]
[From: Kevin]
[Sorry dad jus had 2 clear my head so i drov over 2 LB soo i cood chil out]
[Message Sent: December 15th, 8:50 PM]
[From: Dad]
[Shit Kev if anyone needs to chill its the guy whos gonna have a kid when hes ffreakin 42!11! My next kid wont be an adult til me and Sue are collectin flippin social security checks!11!1 There goes buying that houseboat!1]
[Message Sent: December 15th, 8:54 PM]
[From: Kevin]
[wat is sue gonna keep it!?]
[Message Sent: December 15th, 8:56 PM]
[From: Dad]
[You know shes a big Christain son she'd kick my ass if i told her to abort it. Anyway when ar you planning on coming home Kev?!]
[Message Sent: December 15th, 8:58 PM]
[From: Kevin]
[give me n hour dad i gotta get sum food]
[Message Sent: December 15th, 8:59 PM]
[From: Dad]
[Alright sounds good champ just pick up liek 50 hot wings for your old man and make them a good mix of sweet chili and ghost pepper! Don't worry Kev I'll pay you back this time i swaer.]
[Message Sent: December 15th, 9:02 PM]
[From: Kevin]
[i waz gonna go 2 taco buzz but fien ill get shit from bison wild wings agian]
[Message Sent: December 15th, 9:04 PM]
[From: Dad]
[Hold up grab some of their gralic wings to i think Sues startin too get those cravins]
[Message Sent: December 15th, 9:07 PM]
XxXxX
Rolf left the hospital room, quickly trying to get away from the sounds of his mother crying and his nana singing an Old Country eulogy in honor of her son. Rolf had to tightly hold his breath, squeezing his face together from releasing the breaking dam that was his eyes. Scouring around the facility, Rolf looked for a place to get some privacy. He found solace in an unoccupied restroom, locking the door behind him as he went in and parked his rear onto the lone toilet.
Rolf buried his face deep into his hands and let the dam burst. He wept to himself softly, grabbing nearby toilet paper to blow his nose and dry his tears. The crying didn't last too long, but the feelings of dread and sorrow were here to stay. Rolf sniffled and hung his head, trying to make sense of his father's passing and why he refused the "American care" the hospital offered. Their family had the insurance for it, yet Rolf's father still refused, upsetting both Rolf and his mother. There was no sense in it, just stubbornness and insistence on following traditional treatment.
Rolf shoved his hands into his trouser pockets, looking for his tobacco pipe and matches. Then Rolf realized he left those at home since the hospital prohibited the use of tobacco inside the building, something that made his grandmother angry the first time they were there. Instead of his pipe, Rolf found a sealed envelope that his father gave him a few days ago, telling him not to open it unless the unthinkable happened. Rolf scanned the ancient and dust-covered stationery, truly a relic from the Old Country. He figured now was a good time as any to open it, so he took out his pocket knife and broke open the red wax seal. Inside the envelope was a folded piece of papyrus paper, a letter addressed to Rolf written in his native language. He took a deep breath and began to read:
"Rolf,
If you're reading this now, it means I am gone. You may be sad, but you better not be crying! I don't blame you for having sorrow, losing a loved one hurts and that's pain I've felt all too much in my life. But you know what? You need to know that soon you're going to have to stop shedding tears and move on. You'll be fine because you're my son and uh... Fuck it, your father is not good at this. Anyways, this is to be my last will and testament, and as per tradition that my father and my father's fathers followed, you get everything I have. This includes both our family assets and debts that you'll need to be in charge of handling. I know you will be able to handle the responsibility, you are my son and you are a son of a Shepard.
You may make mistakes, and you may have regrets, I know I've made quite a few. Most of all, I regret that I focused most of your upbringing to prepare you for the harshness of this world. While I do believe that it was for the best, I feel guilty that I didn't find a way to make life any easier for you. I don't understand this new world like you and your mother do. I still wish we were back in the Old Country and that I hadn't made things so bad that we had to leave, and I am sorry I subconsciously took my rage out on you. I suppose it's too late for wishes, but I have just one for you Rolf: Please take good care of Sefa and your nana for me. They'll need your support, both emotionally and financially. I feel you'll do so anyway, but please honor your father's last selfish request.
(The next page was mostly written in English, as most of it was a legal document.)
Let the record show that I, Pater Shepard, of (illegible) being of sound and disposing mind, do hereby make, publish and declare my only son Rolf Shepard, born on March 13th, 1995 the sole heir of my estate.
I appoint my son as personal representative of my will. If unable or unwilling to act, or to continue to act, as executor of my will, then my estate shallbe forfeited to our rival clan, the Wolfe clan as per tradition.
I direct that my executor pay all of my funeral expenses, all state and federal estate, inheritance and succession taxes, administration costs and all of my debts subject to statute of limitations, except mortgage notes secured by real estate, as soon as practical.
(The final page went back to their native language)
In closing, I only really have a few last things to say. One or two of those American feel-good goatshit sayings the American people say to make themselves feel less worse. How do you say it . . . I believe in you Rolf. Be good."
Rolf looked over his father's last will and testament a few times over, clenching it against his chest. He wasn't really sure what to think at this point as Rolf and his father already discussed Rolf inheriting everything before. Reading the kind words his harsh father had written just seemed so surreal. Still, it didn't stop the tears from flowing, as the salty droplets kept secreting on Rolf's trembling face.