Koneko & I
Chapter 2
The most powerful individual is an individual fighting for a cause. It matters not on what that cause is because to each and every living organism, something that is real to them can always potentially be considered scrap metal to another. The second most powerful individual is an individual under the terms of self-preservation. Ever since antiquity, we were taught ancient concepts for co-existence based on the loosest and most twisted societal ideals.
Fight or flight.
Survival of the fittest.
The food chain.
In this period, in which I locked horns with the porcelain doll, I was the second strongest. I didn't have a noble cause, I didn't have something worth fighting for- hell, I didn't even have an exit strategy. I've always had a debilitating mindset which made about as much sense as a Rubik's Cube: forever learn the hard way. It's not so much that I chose to follow that philosophy, it's more like... I acknowledge that I am my own worst enemy, and I always get in the way of myself. Whenever I am at the pinnacle of my happiest times, I am always at- if not dangerously close to- the nadir of my rock bottom where the waves of self-destruction and aloofness bicker controversially and considerably. When life flowed smoothly like unmolested, mountainous rivers, waterfalls and whirlpools usually lingered around the bend. This was my fault. It all was, but... I blamed the conditioning of the psychology of my subconscious. I, truly, always believed that environment and attitude of a majority population were contributing factors that came into play.
You only end up how you were raised, right?
I never fit in anywhere, I was usually on the bad side of a rumor and I had a single mom who tried to raise me and ended up as an alcoholic because of it. My dad left us with nothing, my brother- who I never saw and didn't care for- was a wannabe elitist square and I barely spent any time at home because of all of this. The whole family- at one point, eventually- must have had an armistice with each other because I stopped walked through the threshold of a home and began to cross thresholds of waking nightmares that resembled a one-sided warzone. I fell on my knees, often, with my forehead kissing the woodgrains of my house floor while the tears of my desperation and receding sanity grew in instability. I begged the god I often cursed for a light within the casted shadows of the ever-growing darkness ahead. At times, I betrayed my omnipotence when I attempted to present my allegiance along with the forces of Hell. Residing unanswered, I've had recurring incidents in which I tried to bolster my own courage for the unforgivable. It was so simple to commit to, but I never actually found it in myself to drag my dagger across the space from which chickens clucked.
I strode with misery while pain held my hand along the crosswalks of life. This is the reason I never prided myself with any particular desire to live, but... this girl... This porcelain doll...
She awoke something new in me.
When I first saw her, when she touched my hand for the first time, when she consistently spoke with patience and understanding...
She awoke something new in me.
When she spoke with gentle love, when she took my arguments without being phased, when she consoled me in her tiny arms when I felt backed into a corner, defending me STILL...
She awoke something new in me.
My emotions were beyond flustered, and every strike I almost took stung. Just the turbulence of the air zipping by my flesh was enough to weaken my heart, but enough to reinforce my counters. I had the advantage of my long limbs because of my great height, but I was always underweight, so if I took even so much as a finger-flick from her... I'd probably die.
I smirked at this thought.
She must've thought I was thinking insolent things about her. She was so immediate and agile with all her movements. Even as the battle dragged on, she never showed a sense of fatigue or famine, and I only seemed to slow down.
SWISH!
She got me. It wasn't anything serious- just a graze- but the force of that graze faceplanted me into the ground. I can't remember the last time I felt something so painful and so quickly. It stung in the fact that my teeth, my tongue, my forehead and the bridge of my nose rocked violently with tremors. My vision instantly went dead. Maybe it's because of how I crashed into the earth, but my proprioception and disambiguation were gone as well.
Sounds.
Loud. Talking. My hearing is muffled, but retains a sharp, high-pitched ringing. I felt like a grenade just blew up in my face or dangerously close to me. My head felt heavy. I think I heard her saying something. Was she talking to me? Bipolarity... Control... Endangered? In danger? Need... to die?
My vision began to return but it was blurry and imbalanced. My body arose of its own volition. Screaming. A feminine shriek. Was it hers? That graze must've dealt some potent damage. I still felt so numb. As my vision tuned in a little finer, I saw her squatting. Sitting? Against a very large tree. She's down. For now. Trying to catch my breath.
Did... I... do that?
I glanced down momentarily and saw my limbs. My hands and forearms were riddled with full courses of blood veins. I had a migraine. It was almost like construction workers trying to jackhammer my brain, but I had to use this break wisely.
I couldn't stand my ground against her. She was far too powerful.
I had to run. I had to hide. I had to escape.
***XXX***
I got through school alright. No one really bothered me, but I could always hear the whispers of the occasional foul rumor. I hated my flaw of overthinking. The more I looked back at my situation with Koneko, the more it felt like a mistake. I imagined so many circumstances in which I could receive a response from her, but I also imagined the worst: never getting one at all.
***Scenario 1***
(Koneko is a popular girl at school who, daily, rides through the gates on a high-horse. Her ego is swollen with a superiority complex and boisterously laughs off Baek with a heartily, mocking tone.)
"OH? What's this?! ME?! Go out with YOU?! AS IF! You're a loser and will forever be a loser! Embrace your fate, Hanul: you're not hot shit and you'll die loveless!"
(This made me shudder as a chill trickled down my spine.)
***Scenario 2***
(Koneko is a silent girl whose only dream is to be isolated from everyone. She doesn't trust anyone because she's had a difficult past and for that reason, is not only friendless but harsh and direct in her communication.)
"Hello Baek! I've finally decided!"
"OH! Koneko! What did you decide?"
"Drop dead."
***Scenario 3***
(She's just not that into you, bro.)
"Good morning, Kone-"
"No."
***Back To Reality***
I was pondering something. Maybe I should just... make myself scarce. Avoid her line of sight from now on.
No.
I'd be living in fear of rejection or humiliation. I can't do anything about the situation right now. The damage has already been done, and I can't make her forget my proposal. I've got to let nature run its course.
I opened my locker and switched out my shoes. As I passed though the front entrance of the school, I stopped for a minute, basking in the warmth off the setting sun. Everything glimmered an unnatural golden pigment, and it took my breath away that time, too. It's days like this that I wish I had a club to retreat to.
A voice in my head began to murmur, but it wasn't a language that I ever understood. I only felt something along the lines o f, "Relaaaaaxxx… If you have a point or a cause, don't bail on what you stand for; otherwise, remain seated."
***XXX***
Even though she knew how she wanted to respond, Koneko thought about it all day. She began to replay the memories of Baek's proposal in her mind.
"KONEKO TOUJOU! You are unlike ANY woman I've ever had the pleasure of hanging out with. I loved EVERY second!" Koneko was caught off-guard and glanced around the room sharply to see who was also watching this spectacle. "So, if you really don't mind being around a loser like me... PLEASE GO OUT WITH ME SO WE CAN DO IT AGAIN!" The young rook felt a warm, tingly flush to her cheeks and a smile that's been absent for what feels like the better part of a century. "If this is a problem for you then please ask your friends about me so you can make the right choice!"
She was reminded of Issei from this memory. Loud, awkward, clearly nervous and permeated in anxiety. The memory made her feel shy and embarrassed, but at the same time, she felt wanted and needed. It was brash and crass. but lovely.
At times throughout the day, Koneko would space out, and even Rias caught her young devil in a trance, but Rias just could not get a read on her. She understood one thing clearly, though: this was a difficult time for Koneko because was growing into a young adult without much inventory on social skills, but is now on the topic of boys and romance for the first time in her life. Rias knew she could counsel her, but Koneko needed to be the one to ask her. Rias tried to follow a philosophy that Student Council President Sona Sitri advised her with from a previous lecture:
"So," Sona mused. "Koneko has a crush?" The pair were bare of clothing as they relaxed in Sona's personal jacuzzi room. Sona loved her bath time and strategically hid it behind the student council room with a hidden, electric switch mechanism. She used this room for important meetings, devilish baptisms as well as her own "me-time".
"I guess you could call it that. I don't like it, though. Koneko seems to be overwhelmed, and I want to do something to help her! I want her to lean on me like she always has!"
"Rias, I'm going to let you in on a secret: if you constantly interlope on any of your peerage's other relationships, at what point does that stop becoming help and start becoming exercised control?" Rias gasped from the epiphany that followed. "Do you know, Rias, about what makes a great king? A great king allows their army to step away from the simulation regardless of the danger involved because that would mean that they were finally part of something real. Koneko needs to experience things like love on her own so that even if it fails and ends in heartbreak, she can rise anew- such as that of a phoenix- and become stronger than ever before. You can let her know that you're there for her, but I would strongly advise against your interference."
"You can let her know that you're there for her." This sentence rang like a cathedral bell- loud and full of reverberation. It echoed for a moment within the club president before...
"Thank you, Sona. You just gave me a great idea."
***XXX***
It was towards nightfall. I got a call from the president of the Occult Club, Rias Gremory. My heart sank and I stuttered through most of the call, but either way, I was on my way to Kuoh Academy... at night. She requested my presence and made it sound casual, but I'm not stupid; I knew this call orbited around the topic of Koneko.
After a few questions- no- after the interrogation, I was heated. I felt like something within me was bubbling as it experimented with every emotion that came thereafter. The way Rias talked was, both, sarcastic and matter-of-factly on an extremely condescending level. I didn't know what- at the time- but I could swear she was trying to peg me down. How could someone keep a smile for so long when the topic was so grave and a little dreadful? This wasn't just pleasantries and protecting a friend. This was... This was...
CRASH!
A large explosion. As loud as the length in which the door flew off the hinges in six pieces. It slid while kicking up dust and kept sliding until it stopped right before Rias' desk. She stood up instantaneously with a form that demanded order, but then slouched casually when she identified our uninvited guest.
"Well, well..." she teased nonchalantly. "Just in time. I knew you'd be here. Sooner or later."
***XXX***
Thanks for reading!
Chapter 3 coming SOON!
The end!
***XXX***