A/N: Time for what's going on in Allen's head...

.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.

I was out on a date with Lenalee. We had just finished a romantic dinner and were walking hand in hand along the river. The streetlights were lit as the sky grew dark, tinting everything a soft orange. We laughed and talked, enjoying each other's company. She shivered when the breeze picked up, so I gave her my jacket, making her smile brightly.

We sat on a park bench, admiring the scenery around us. She pointed towards the river. "Look how beautiful the moon is, reflected on the water like that."

I turned to her and smiled. "It's not half as beautiful as the way the moonlight shines on your hair and reflects in your eyes."

She blushed at the compliment, the slight tinge of pink on her cheeks making her even more breathtaking. I leaned in slowly and kissed her gently. She wrapped her arms around my shoulders and leaned into the kiss, moaning softly. I wrapped one arm tightly around her waist, and placed my other hand on the back of her head. I licked her lips gently, taking advantage of her gasp to introduce my tongue into her mouth, deepening the kiss. She tasted like peppermint and chocolate cake.

Her right hand slid up my back and her fingers knotted into my hair. The left traced slowly down my spine, stopping when she reached my pants. She untucked my shirt, sliding her hand underneath to caress the small of my back.

I moaned into the kiss, sliding my hand from her waist, moving gently over her hip, and ghosting down her thigh. When I reached the hem of her skirt, I slid my fingers back up her thigh. Only this time, I was touching her bare skin. The contact felt electric, and she moaned. Breaking the kiss, she threw her head back and cried out when my fingers reached the spot between her legs. With my other hand, I pulled her back in for another kiss, her moaning growing deeper and more erratic as my fingers lightly and repeatedly brushed across her clit through her panties.

Her left hand moved from my back, sliding down into my pants where she began massaging my ass. Her right hand released its hold on my hair, and she danced her fingers down my front. She swiftly unbuttoned my pants, sliding her fingers inside, where she began to stroke my erection.

I moaned at the wonderful touch, and- promptly woke up.

I lay in bed, my heart pounding rapidly, my cheeks flushed, my breathing ragged, and a feeling of bliss washing over me. I reached for the light and noticed that my pants were wet and slightly sticky. I groaned, now thankful for the dark. I had released myself during a very suggestive dream. About Lenalee. It was so very wrong. And the wrongness of it had absolutely nothing to do with having improper thoughts about a friend. That was definitely wrong. But it wasn't my problem at the moment. I had just had a wet dream... about a girl... But I was gay... ...Or at least, I thought I was gay...

For three years, Master Cross had dragged me around brothels, sleazy bars, and the homes of his various mistresses. He was constantly surrounded by beautiful women, and by extension, so was I. However, I had never been even remotely interested in any of it. And that was a terrifying thing for a teenage boy to be aware of. Master Cross would occasionally tease me about being gay, about how I must be into other guys if I wasn't interested in any of the women that were always around. He was only joking; it was just something he'd say to the women who were bothered by my presence. But by that point, I had accepted it to be true. It was actually somewhat comforting to believe that I wasn't interested in the women because I was attracted to men. Mainly because the alternatives my brain concocted all scared the crap out of me. So I accepted that I was gay and it made my life a little easier.

Until that night. When reality slapped me in the face. Much like the girl I found myself dreaming of had done just a couple days earlier. Because I knew deep down that the only reason I would have that kind of dream about someone was if I was attracted to them. Which meant that I was attracted to Lenalee. Who was a girl. Which meant that I was attracted to a girl. Which meant that I wasn't gay. A thought that was both relieving and terrifying.

Some part of my brain pointed out that I'd been stupid to think I was gay just because I wasn't interested in the same types of women as Master Cross. Especially when I'd never actually been attracted to another man either. And I knew it was right. Which only made what had just happened even more embarrassing.

Then the voice had to go and suggest that I was probably just waiting for the right woman... Which meant that some part of me thought that that was Lenalee... I desperately wanted to argue with that thought, but the mess in my pants was pretty damning evidence against me.

I forced myself to climb out of bed and clean myself up. I didn't want to move, but lying in bed covered in my release was not helping with my growing embarrassment.

I dressed in clean pants, but instead of returning to bed, I leaned against the wall, the cold stone soothing on my overheated forehead. Taking a few deep breaths, I tried to calm my swirling thoughts.

Aside from Master Cross, no one else knew that I had thought I was gay. It would be easy to just pretend that it had never happened. So that's what I would do. And as long as I stuck with that, no one would ever find out.

Lenalee was a different matter though. Thinking about her brought a whole mess of things to the surface. I couldn't deny that I was attracted to her - that ship had already sailed. I latched onto the first coherent thought that surfaced and immediately wished I hadn't. Is it only attraction, or do I have feelings for her?

Memories of our time together flew unbidden through my mind. And I was forced to face my feelings. I recalled the fear I felt when she learned what I had done as a child, and the relief when she didn't treat me different for it. I recalled the butterflies I felt when we were first assigned a mission together. The mix of happiness and insult I felt when she laughed at my awful drawing of Miranda. The hurt I felt that day she told me how she came to the Order. It all added up to one thing. One thing that I couldn't deny, no matter how much I wanted to pretend it wasn't true...

I had feelings for Lenalee that went further than friendship.

With all the other revelations of the night, that one was too much. I staggered to the bed and flopped awkwardly on it, blacking out seconds before I hit the mattress.

.x.x.

I was assigned a mission the next day, and I have no idea how I was able to stay focused on it. Somehow, I didn't think of what had happened that night even once until the Innocence had been recovered and we were on our way back to the Order. I imagine it had something to do with the strange weather, that idiot Kanda, and a family with a story that hit a little too close to home. But once I'd returned home, that focus faded.

I saw Lenalee in the hall when I was on my way to the cafeteria. I tried to catch up to her, but she seemed to be in a hurry to get somewhere, and I lost track of her. I vaguely wondered if she was avoiding me because she was still mad at me, but she didn't seem like the type to hold a grudge, so I dismissed that idea.

That night I had another dream about her. Or rather, I had the same dream, only I didn't wake in the middle of it that time. And even though I slept through the night, I still woke up covered in my release.

The next couple days were awkward. I found myself looking for Lenalee constantly, but I always seemed to just miss her. My paranoid side insisted that she was avoiding me, but I ignored it because I had bigger problems.

It was fairly obvious to me by that point that I'd been falling in love with Lenalee since I'd met her. Not being able to find her was disheartening. I wanted to be by her side and see her smile. I wanted to talk and laugh with her. And I wanted to know if she cared for me too.

On the other hand, I continued to dream about her. And it was always the kind of dream that left me either wet and sticky or incredibly hard. It would be mortifying if she ever learned that I thought about her like that.

I was thankful to be assigned another mission, even if I was being sent to track down that bastard Kanda. I needed to get away from headquarters and clear my head. However, as was usual for me, luck was not with me, and it was Lenalee who was being sent with me.

It was obvious from her tone and her body language that she was indeed still mad at me over what happened. My paranoid side gloated a little at being right. I was going to have to apologize. It was going to be difficult because I wasn't sure why what I'd done had upset her. But I couldn't stand having her give me the cold shoulder anymore.