Chapter 10: Tuesday, 11 days until initiation

Tobias

I have a hard time getting up and being in the simulation room on time. My stomach keeps rumbling while I set up the computer because I've skipped breakfast. It took me a while to fall asleep after I came back from my little trip last night. I'll have to take a nap this afternoon if I want to put my plans into effect tonight. I put a hand in the pocket of my jeans to check if the small piece of paper is still there. It's more of a nervous gesture than anything else because there's no way it might have fallen out. I'll give it to Tris after her simulation. She's first today. I only hope I'll get to see a different fear today than the last two times.

Tris

When I'm back to being conscious in the chair I clap my hands to my face and inhale sharply. Today's fear was the one in which I'm lost in the cold and merciless gray ocean all alone, almost drowning. Tobias waits until I've recovered enough to stand up on my own. This is another level of fear than in the simulation about intimacy. It's blank panic and terror, not anxiety. I don't even have time to think about my feelings in this one, although I'm aware that it's unreal.

Tobias takes my hand and puts an arm around my shoulders, guiding me over to the door. Someone watching through the camera would just see him steadying me while walking me over to the exit on my shaky legs, the aftereffects of the simulation still visible, but I know it's more than that. I'm not too weak to walk myself and I know that he knows that, too, and that he's probably even aware I wouldn't want any help. It's a perfect excuse to touch me and I like the warmth of his body close to mine. I wish the room would be at least five times its size. We reach the door too soon. He takes his arm away before he opens the door.

Only when I step out into the hallway, where some other initiates are already waiting for their turn, I notice the paper Tobias has placed in the palm of my hand. I go to the nearest bathroom to have a look at it. It's a small piece of yellowish paper, torn from a bigger sheet, with only a few words scribbled down on it:

"Meet me at my apartment at midnight. Bring a jacket. I've got to show you something."

That's all. No explanations. If I have to bring a jacket, we're going to leave the compound. Where does he want to take me? Fine, now I'll be thinking about that question all day, I'm sure. But the prospect of sneaking out of Dauntless with Tobias electrifies me. I only wish it was already time to go over to him. It's been twenty-four hours since our last kiss, which seems like an eternity.

XXX

My alarm clock wakes me up at quarter past eleven. It takes me a minute until I understand why it goes off at this time. I had planned to stay up until it was time to go over to Tobias, but then decided to get some sleep after I got home from dinner. This afternoon's training with Lauren had been particularly hard, so it wasn't difficult to fall asleep despite the excitement.

I get up and dress in black jeans and a dark gray top and pullover, then pull my hair up in a ponytail in front of the bathroom mirror and apply some mascara to look more awake. I've come to like a little make-up on some occasions, it fits me well and makes me look and feel more feminine.

On the way out I grab my jacket and throw it over my shoulders. The hallway is dark and silent.

When I knock at Tobias' door a minute later, the sound of it almost makes me jump. In the silence of the night it sounds louder than at daytime. I hope he won't mind that I've come a little earlier than he requested.

Tobias opens the door and admits me in. As soon as we're alone we fall into each other's arms and start kissing. It feels so good after missing him for almost two days. I momentarily forget about the fact that we still haven't talked about yesterday's simulation. Right now it's not important to me, and obviously it's not the first thing that comes to his mind either. Instead, I kiss him and pull him closer to me with my hands on his back. He stumbles a little, so I take two steps backwards and find myself standing with my back against the wall. His hands are on my shoulders as he opens his eyes, apparently to check if I'm okay with the situation, and closes them again when I tangle one of my hands in his hair and pull him down to my lips again.

Warmth creeps up in me when he presses his body flush against mine and I'm practically trapped between him and the wall. His tongue finds mine, and they move together while his hands trail up and down my sides and mine keep roaming over his back. This feels so good I could keep doing it for hours. But Tobias eventually pulls his lips away from mine and takes a small step back. He's breathing rather fast. I look up at him, and he swallows, as if breaking our kiss costs him a lot of self-control.

"Hi," he whispers.

"Hi," I reply, smiling.

It's the first words we say to each other tonight, although I've already been here for about ten minutes.

"I have to get some things ready before we leave. You can sit down on the couch to wait, if you'd like."

"I prefer standing, otherwise I'll end up getting tired again."

I glance over at the clock. It's quarter to twelve.

"You're still feeling tired?" he asks with a mischievous grin that makes me laugh.

"No, I'm not. I said I didn't want to get tired again, not that I was."

He nods and then turns and rolls up a blanket he pulls out of his cupboard, then squeezes it into an already full-looking backpack. I wonder what else he has stuffed inside. Next he walks over to the kitchen and takes two small packets from the fridge. I can't see what it is, though, since they are wrapped in aluminum foil, and I wonder what he's planning to do. Somehow I'm sure he won't answer me if I ask him about it.

He pulls the zipper of the backpack closed before handing it over to me.

"Can you please take that? I have another one packed on the couch."

I take it from him and put it onto my back. It's not heavy. Tobias strolls over to the couch and slips into a sweatshirt that has been lying there. I've seen him undress before, but never dress. I shake my head as I wonder where this thought came from. Clearly I should rather ask myself what we're up to do, why he wants to sneak out of the compound with me in the middle of the night.

When we silently stride through the dark and empty corridors only minutes later, I'm sure we're going to get caught. Our steps echo from the walls and ceiling although we walk as silently as we can. Tobias is a few steps ahead of me to be able to warn me if he sees somebody, so at least we won't be caught sneaking around together. After all, he's already a member and can talk his way out of it while I'm just an initiate. Technically it's not forbidden to be out this late, but we'd raise questions if someone found us walking around now.

Tobias knows the labyrinth of hallways and hidden doors and stairs well, and he manages to lead us unseen. Sometimes he indicates I should move close to the wall although the path is wide and I reckon it's because of security cameras. Apparently he knows them all.

"We're there," Tobias finally whispers and opens one last door in front of us. It's rusty and squeaks as it swings open. Wind blows in my face and I quickly follow Tobias outside. We emerge on a roof and as I take in our surroundings I realize it's the same one we jumped upon from the train on Choosing Day.

Tobias takes my hand and drags me along behind him. We move in the shadows towards the train tracks and stop beside them, sheltered from view on the backside of a chimney.

"We're going to take the train in about five minutes," Tobias informs me.

We stand silently side by side, waiting. I don't dare say anything in case someone else comes out here. But nobody does, and as the train approaches the platform we have to leave our hiding place to get ready to jump. Adrenaline pumps through my veins as I start to run behind Tobias and force my legs to sprint alongside the train. He pulls himself up quickly, then turns and holds his arm out to help me in. I take his hand thankfully and let him pull me to his side, and then we're both on the train, alone, less exposed than on the roof.

We sit down together at a safe distance from the open side of the wagon and watch the city flash by. I'm very aware of Tobias' proximity and so is my racing heart. We're here all alone in the middle of the night, doing something forbidden, and nobody except the two of us knows where we are. I turn my head, smile at him and feel alive and free. He puts an arm around me and pulls me close to his side.

"You know that the leaders agreed to safe energy during nighttime?" Tobias' question comes out of nowhere.

"Yes, they explained the energy-saving measures at school."

"You see how the lights are turned out all throughout the city?"

"Yes. They use to turn them off at midnight, don't they?"

"Yes, usually. Sometimes earlier, when it's not needed. Now, yesterday I was on the same train at the same time and I saw something unusual going on at Erudite."

"Why were you on a train last night?"

"I'm going to explain that later. First I want you to observe Erudite headquarters closely while the train runs past it. It's important."

I don't understand the reason for what he tells me to do, but I obey. When we turn around a corner I immediately see what he was referring to when he mentioned seeing something unusual. Lights are on throughout the Erudite building, shining brightly in the darkness. The closer we get the better I see what's going on behind the windows. Most of them aren't sheltered from view except some on the second floor. Behind those that are illuminated I see people moving. They do all kinds of different things and I get the impression that I'm watching something ordinary — at least it seems to be for them.

And then I spot something else. Someone else.

Tobias

I watch the Erudite complex pass us by, like yesterday. Tris is watching carefully with narrowed eyes and I don't want to disturb her concentration by starting a conversation again, so I wait until it's just me and her and the darkness again. I'm curious to hear her observations. When she doesn't speak for a while I can't wait any longer.

"So? What do you think?"

"I think they are up to something."

I'm taken aback by her conclusion. She's supporting my suspicion, yet she hasn't heard anything about it from me so far.

"What makes you think that?"

I'm eager to hear her explanation.

"Well, the first thing is that they're working at this time at all, although the factions agreed not to use as much energy during the night than during the day. The second thing is that they seemed used to it. They moved normally and I couldn't see anyone being in a hurry. There were no signs that showed there was any kind of emergency."

Now that she's pointing it out it's obvious and I wonder how I could have missed drawing that conclusion.

"And, third, did you notice the part of the building with the darkened windows? I'm not entirely sure about it, but I think it's the labs where they test their serums in. I studied a ground-plan hanging on the wall when I went to visit Caleb and was waiting for him to show up."

I'm speechless. Tris has an extraordinarily observant eye, and she puts the pieces together like a puzzle. It must be the Erudite part of her brain allowing her to think this way.

"Anything else?"

"Yes, one more thing: I think I saw Jeanine Matthews enter the room behind the dark windows."

My hands clench into fists. All the pieces fit together and a picture begins to form before my eyes. An alarming picture, that is to say.

"So is now the time when you're going to explain to me what all this is about?" Tris asks.

I take a deep breath before I begin to tell her about the email I read in Eric's office and my observations last night. She listens silently, nevertheless I can see the concern on her face.

But there isn't much time left to talk now. We have to prepare to jump, or we'll miss the right platform. And so we do, and by jumping off the rattling train we also leave some of our worries behind. I take Tris' hand as soon as we've found our balance after hitting the ground.

"Let's put those problems aside for tonight. I want to take you to a special place," I tell her.

"Aren't we close to the fair?"

I smile. She really is a good observer.

"Have a little patience."

I stroke her hand with my thumb and enjoy that we can finally walk hand in hand outside, even if it's only in the dead of night. It feels so normal, so good, as if we've done that a lot already. I wonder what she'll think of my surprise. It's nothing fancy, but it was an idea I had last night and I figured she would like it.

Before we pass the corner to the fairground, I stop to blindfold her with a scarf.

"I'm sorry, it's only for about five minutes."

She looks amused.

"What a nice idea of you, to go on a walk with me after midnight with my eyes covered. As if it wasn't dark enough around here already," she retorts somewhat sarcastically. How Dauntless of her.

She can't see me smile as I put my arm around her shoulders and lead her along the way to the Ferris wheel. We stop right in front of it.

"Can I leave you waiting alone for two minutes? I swear I'll hurry up."

She nods and I take off her backpack and enter the gondola swinging in front of us.

DISCLAIMER: I own neither the Divergent world nor the characters, they belong to Veronica Roth.

So a small cliffhanger this time... although it's probably not too difficult to guess what he's up to, isn't it? ;-)