One Shots

Installment 3

It Could Have Been You…

This fan fic has been swirling in my head since I saw the deleted scene between Jamie and Eddie in the hospital when she got shot. So many possibilities with that scene. It could be made into a full fic or a one shot. I decided to start with the One Shot. If it gets to be too much (in my head) maybe I can start a multi fan fic but for now I hope you enjoy this. I know a lot of you have been asking me for updates on my other fics. I promise I will get to them. I am having a bit of writer's block but I am hoping that soon that will no longer be an issue. For now, I hope you enjoy this one shot. Please let me know your thoughts.

I love Blue Bloods – I do not own the show, the characters or their wonderful writing. I just love writing my own fics for them with my own ideas. And love to share what I would like to see transpire between them. There are so many things that I wanted to see in the Season 9 Premiere so I thought why not write fic to hold me over till we get some emotion from Jamie on the actual show.

So without further ado.

Jamko…Jamko…Jamko…Jamko

Eddie looked at the doctor with a look of boredom and frustration. All she wanted – at this very moment – was to put her clothes on and get the hell out of the hospital. She was in pain, she had to admit it to herself at least, but she was alive and she would be damned if they made her stay here for one more minute. There was a dead cop in the morgue. She would not make herself the victim when Dunleevy's family was going through such a hard time. She wanted no unnecessary attention on her. The sooner she jetted home, the sooner she would be able to nurse her wounds in peace and in the sanctity of her own apartment. The most predominant pain she could feel was around her rib area so she was guessing that she either had a bruised rib or a broken one.

"You have blunt force trauma, soft tissue damage from the impact…" The doctor started and was quickly interrupted: "I'm fine…" Eddie spat out, as she attempted to not roll her eyes. She wasn't even sure if she had succeeded in having the doctor believe she was fine to go home. But she was adamant. She wanted to leave and they could not hold her without her consent. She knew that much.

"And a broken rib." She heard the doctor finalize. Ah…the verdict was that it was indeed broken. It seemed like a knife was slowly stabbing her in the ribs. Dammit! But she sure as hell wasn't going to admit that to the doctor. "Can I get dressed now?" Eddie questioned instead, trying to get herself up off the bed. And failing miserably.

"Actually, we'd like to keep you overnight for observation." The doctor called out.

"No." Eddie said immediately and heard at the same time Jamie utter: "Yes."

What the fuck? Both of them thought at the same time and both of them were going to argue their points. Even if there was a doctor in the room. The stare down between the two of them did not go unnoticed. At this point, Jamie just wanted her to shut up and listen to the doctor's instructions. If he had to hold her down and handcuff her to the bed he would. She was not leaving this hospital. Especially not with a broken rib. What if she had internal bleeding? Didn't they have to monitor that?

Jamie was brought back to the present: "Oh…are you two…" the doctor asked, as she pointed to the two of them and looked at Eddie. Eddie turned to look at Jamie and then the doctor and responded: "No."

Eddie knew deep inside knew that wasn't the whole truth. But she wasn't going to get into it now. And if she admitted that feelings were there…well hell. She wasn't staying anyway. Even if Jamie fought her. They could deal with each other and their anger somewhere else. She knew that Jamie was feigning for a fight. And she also knew that it stemmed from his fear.

Jamie in turn just scrunched his face and pursed his lips. All he wanted to do right now was tell the doctor that yes – they were involved. He was totally and completely in love with her and he couldn't tell her. But that didn't mean that he did not worry about her. Or that he would let her step out of this hospital room if the doctor thought it prudent for her to stay overnight for observation. He was not negotiating over this issue. She had been shot at. If the vest hadn't protected her, God knows what would have happened. She could've died herself. He was not taking any more chances with her life.

"I'll be back." The doctor said as she headed towards the door. There was definitely something there with them two and she wasn't going to stick around to speculate. She only hoped that her partner – her boyfriend or whatever he was – could convince her to stay overnight. It would be in her best interest.

Jamie watched the doctor leave and followed with his gaze. Once he saw and heard the door shut he turned to Eddie. His look said it all. It was angry, frustrated, full of pain. "Eddie what's wrong with you?" he questioned. Why didn't she want to stay overnight? He was almost sure that she was in pain. He could tell by checking her movements.

"Me? What's wrong with you?" Eddie retorted back, frustrated as hell.

"Why are you being so difficult?" He said, tight lipped. She drove him crazy. But this wasn't the time to be difficult. She was staying overnight. He would see to that. Even if he had to fight her all night long. She was not leaving today. Where were his handcuffs? He knew his thoughts seemed to be on repeat but he didn't care. It only confirmed to him how much tunnel vision he had when it came to her and her safety.

"Look I get it. You already lost one partner in the line of duty." Eddie said. She truly did understand Jamie's fear. But she was all right and he had to know that nothing would come of her staying in the hospital. This incident was over. She couldn't promise him that there wouldn't be other incidents but this particular one? It was done and buried. At least for her.

"This isn't about Vinny." Jamie spat out. Vinny – losing Vinny – was tough and he had gone through a tumultuous time but this didn't compare to that. No way. Losing Eddie would be inconceivable. Why couldn't she see that? Because you still haven't told her how you feel. And because of that she doesn't understand your fears. She knows you have them – they're reflected in her face – but she thinks your concern is about your partner. Not about the woman you love.

"The reality is I got a few bruises…" Eddie was about to continue but Jamie interrupted her: "And a broken rib!" he uttered, harsher and louder than he had intended. But it was out there. His abject fear of losing her. And he was not taking it back. He was not going to back down. She looked pale to him. She didn't look healthy or strong enough to walk out. If a night in observation would give her some color back then she had to stay. For his own piece of mind if not hers.

"Well I'm not gonna lie here and act like I'm mortally wounded when there's a dead cop in the morgue." Eddie finally voiced her fear – and her guilt – if she was honest.

"You don't get it Eddie. That dead cop could have been you." Jamie said, hearing his own voice crack. For the tenth time: Why didn't she get it? How deathly afraid he was of losing her? Not only because she was his partner but because she had become the single most important thing in his life. He could not lose her. And while his mind registered that she no longer was in mortal danger. She had been a few hours ago. And he needed reassurances from her. And what he was getting were denial and stubbornness. And he needed to walk away from her. Maybe before he said something that he might regret.

"But it wasn't…" Eddie pointed out and finally shut up when she saw his face. Really saw it. He was afraid. He was in pain and he was holding back his feelings. But she finally saw them. And once she did her anger and frustration started to melt away. Jamie was not only concerned about her. He was afraid of losing her. And that fear had not gone away. While he knew – because he was seeing her – that she would be okay, his mind and his heart still were back in that stairwell.

Jamie licked his lips and rolled his eyes. He couldn't talk to her right now. He couldn't deal with her fighting him on something as important as her staying in the hospital for observation. And he couldn't stay in this room one second longer. He needed some air. He shook his head at her sadly and he made his way to the door. He needed a few minutes alone.

Eddie saw him leave and wanted to call out to him but she didn't. She could read him so well and understood that he needed some air and a break from her. She would stay. For him. She wanted to go home and she wasn't happy about staying but Jamie needed her to stay even though he would not voice it out loud. She would tell the doctor and then she would let Jamie know. Maybe then he could sleep tonight. And of course, she knew that it was the right thing to do. Even though she was against it. But she would stay – one night – and have Jamie breathe easier.

Jamko…Jamko…Jamko…Jamko

Jamie was outside Eddie's door. As mad and frustrated as he was with her, he still couldn't make himself leave. He sat down on the floor and didn't make a sound. He would just sit here and give himself a few minutes and would go back in the room and try again. Jamie heard his phone and knew a text from Eddie had come in from the text tone: Come back in the room please.

Jamie rolled his eyes…how did she know he was this close? He didn't even reply. He got up from the floor and opened her door still slightly annoyed. They could read each other like a book. Both knew they were mad at each other – they just needed to voice why. And it seemed they were going to hash it out right now. So be it.

Eddie was the first to speak: "Jamie…talk to me." Jamie looked so broken to her. She had never seen him this afraid. Mad yes. Frustrated yes. But never broken.

"Why Eddie?!" Jamie spat out, angry at her. "You're gonna do whatever the hell you want anyway."

"I'm sorry." Eddie found herself saying. "I am just overwhelmed with emotion and I feel guilty that I made it and Dunleevey didn't. I am alive Jamie. And he's dead."

Jamie made his way back towards the bed. "Yes, you are alive. And I am telling you that you need to stay. You have a broken rib and I know you're in pain. No one is going to judge you for staying overnight and I don't get why you're fighting it so much."

"I can take the pain. They can bandage my ribs up really tight…" Eddie tried once again. But she knew she was losing this fight. Besides she had already decided she was staying for him. But you couldn't blame her for trying one more time.

"No." Jamie insisted. "I want you to stay."

"Why?" Eddie asked once again, confused actually, as to his insistence. She was breathing. She was alive. Her vitals were good. Her pressure was stable.

"Because…" Jamie started and stopped suddenly. How could he voice to her his feelings? His fear of losing her – not only as a partner but as his future, what? He knew in his heart he wanted a future with her. And he never admitted it to her but he had admitted it to himself a long time ago. And seeing her roll down those stairs cemented for him that living without her? He would not survive it.

"Why Jamie…" she asked once again, bringing him back to reality. Say it Jamie. Just say it.

"Because you're important to me, all right?!" Jamie said, suddenly emotion overwhelming him. "Because if anything happened to you, I don't know what I'd do. Because it's different than from Vinny okay? Because I'm scared…" Jamie finally admitted out loud.

Eddie was surprised at the tone in his voice and not because it was loud. Because of the emotion behind them. "Okay Jamie. I will stay." Eddie uttered. "I'm sorry. If I put myself in your shoes I think I would react the same way. But Jamie there's nothing to be scared about anymore."

Jamie rolled his eyes and offered a small smile in reconciliation. "You could have internal bleeding and not know it."

"Paranoid much?" Eddie teased back as she took a chance and lifted her hand from the bed and outstretched it towards him.

Jamie stepped forward and gripped her hand hard in his. "No Eddie. Not paranoid…" he uttered honestly. "I know I don't talk much about all the loss I have had to deal with in my life but please understand I can't lose you. I can't risk anything with you."

Eddie nodded her head. She knew she was getting nothing more from Jamie tonight but this conversation opened her heart again to the hope that Jamie loved her. That he was in love with her. And she would wait. She had been waiting for years. She needed Jamie to tell her what she already suspected. But Jamie had to do it at his own time. She was ready. She had been ready for years. But she couldn't push Jamie. She had even started seeing Barry again in the hopes that she could forget Jamie because sometimes it felt like she was in this alone. But seeing his reaction and his fear changed everything. And she hoped once again. She knew that her hopes could be dashed and that Jamie could go back to pretending. But right now, her heart leaped. And she allowed herself to love him once again. Even if she couldn't voice it.

"I'm going to go get the doctor. And then I'm going to let you rest." Jamie said. He wanted to stay with her but he didn't dare. They were so close to voicing the elephant in the room – their love – and he just didn't know if he was ready for that. He would be here tomorrow though. And if they let her out – which he was sure they would – he would take her home. Take care of her if she let him and maybe – just maybe – take the plunge.

Jamko…Jamko…Jamko…Jamko

Jamie found himself sitting at the bar after Erin left him. Her words kept playing in his head on repeat: "Consider this: What if it was Eddie that had been killed? Is there anything that you would regret for the rest of your life because you never told her?"

Jamie could not shake that conversation from his head. Maybe Erin was right and the line was drawn in the sand because it was easy to erase and if that issue was gone, then Barry coming back – the other issue – should be null and void. All contingent on Jamie voicing to Eddie how he felt. Eddie had always been the impulsive one. But maybe it was his turn.

Flashback Scene to Today in the Morning:

He wasn't going to lie. When he woke up this morning he had smiled. He was ready to consider the possibility of having a future with her. He was ready to consider finally coming clean. He took a shower, got dressed, ate a light breakfast and made his way to the hospital. Eddie was getting out and he wanted to be the one to take her home. He parked his car and made his way to her room.

He saw her packing up and smiled once again. "Officer Janko…let's blow this joint. I came to take you home." And in that moment, he turned and his whole world shattered. Who was this guy? His heart felt heavy and the emotions coursing through him started to overwhelm him but he knew he had to recover quickly. After he had found out it was Barry. And after Eddie had called him her work husband he had promptly made a beeline to the door, the exit and finally his car. Hearing her call him her work husband had hurt more than he could admit to himself. The fact that the word work was before husband infuriated him. He realized then and there that while he had known for years that he was in love with her, he wanted her to be his wife. He wanted to marry her. He wanted to spend the rest of his life with her, have kids, the house and the whole package.

As he sat in his car, he closed his eyes and a lone tear rolled down his cheek. He had lost her. Even before he had her. His heart broke into a million pieces and he didn't know how to fix it. He couldn't fix it. He had waited too damn long and she had every right to move on. And she had. With Barry. The guy that knew Eddie talked about him so much. Didn't this guy know that they had something special? That he was infringing on their time? Their future? On their love? He knew Eddie loved him. He could tell. But she couldn't wait forever. And he didn't how to have both – her in the RMP and as his life partner. As his wife. And he actually believed – egotistically – that she would wait for him. How could he have been so pompous? How could knowing that he wanted her in every possible way - as his partner, as his girlfriend, as his wife, as the mother of his future children – and not admit that to her? He had blown it.

He heard his phone ring and saw it was Erin. "Hello?" he said, defeated.

"Up for a drink?"

"Yes." Jamie uttered immediately. He was grateful that – what he did want to share – he could do it with his big sister. He was so reserved, especially when it came to his feelings for Eddie. But right now? He just needed to voice his guilt at least.

"Usual place brother." Erin said. "Twenty minutes."

End of Flashback

That had been three hours ago. And Erin had left 30 minutes ago. He was nursing his drink by the bar and remembering his conversation with Erin. He had been brief, as was his style, and he had chickened out about telling her that he was in love with his partner. But his gut told him that Erin knew. The question now was what was he going to do about it? Could he just go to Eddie and uproot her world? He had been devasted when he went to see her, at her apartment, and she had declined his invite for drinks. And seeing Barry with pizza in hand? He knew then that he had lost her. Barry was going to be everything that he wanted to be. Barry was going to be living the personal life that he wanted to have with Eddie.

He wondered if Barry was still in Eddie's apartment. If so, he had been there for hours and may even be spending the night. Jamie groaned inwardly and scrunched his face up in pain. The thought of another man touching her broke his heart into a million pieces. And it wasn't that he was jealous and possessive. He was. But more than anything it was the fact that another man was going to give Eddie the love and comfort that he wanted to give her.

He heard his phone buzz and he picked it up and raised his eyebrow is surprise. It was Eddie: "Can I call in my raincheck?"

Jamie immediately responded: "Yes."

Eddie smiled. She knew he would be ready. No matter the time. "I have beers in the fridge. Come over."

"Be there in 20."

Jamie immediately got off the barstool, paid his tab and walked out the bar. He got in his car and started driving over to Eddie. He didn't know what happened but he wasn't going to waste time. If Barry was gone. He was coming over. He needed to see her. He needed to confess to her what he was feeling. Come what may.

He knocked at her door and she opened immediately. They both stared at one another for a few seconds and Jamie finally put one foot in front of the other. As soon as he reached her, he bent down and hugged her. Holding her was like coming home. "How are you feeling?"

"Better. I am still in pain. But I am home now so I'm happy."

Jamie nodded his head and they walked over to her couch. "Can I offer you a beer?"

"I'm good right now." Jamie said. "I actually just left Erin. We went to play darts."

"I'm sorry. I didn't know you were busy."

"Oh no. She had already left about 45 minutes before you reached out."

"Oh. Okay." Eddie said, and licked her lips before she continued. "Listen the only reason I told you raincheck is because Barry said he was coming over with dinner and he had just texted he was close by and I didn't want to cancel with him if he was minutes away."

Jamie turned around and looked at her longingly. "I know."

"You know?" Eddie questioned.

"Yep. As I was leaving your apartment I saw him – with a box of pizza – he didn't see me though."

"I'm sorry." Eddie said. Even though she had nothing to be sorry about she still felt guilty. Why? She knew why, it just didn't matter.

Jamie looked at her confused. "You have nothing to be sorry about. I mean I didn't know you were back with him. Or that he even was in the picture. But there's no need for apologies."

Eddie nodded her head. She couldn't explain it. But that hurt her heart. What she had seen in the hospital from Jamie was more than concern. But now it seemed to be back to normal. And maybe it was okay to continue with Barry. Because Jamie? He just wasn't willing to sacrifice the partnership they had for them. And she couldn't force him. She couldn't demand it. It had to be his decision.

"So…" Jamie started and cleared his throat. "Are you guys back together?" He needed to hear the words. The acknowledgment that he had lost her.

"Yep." She said, hesitantly.

"Are you happy?" Jamie asked, as he felt a lump form in his throat. He cleared his throat in the hopes that he could continue with this conversation without his voice cracking.

Am I happy? Wow. Eddie took in a breath and exhaled it loudly. "I don't know how to answer that question." She said, honestly.

"What do you mean? Either you are or you aren't?"

"It's not that easy Jamie."

Jamie just looked at her and didn't say a word.

"I want to be happy. And Barry is a great guy. I want to find someone that loves me for me. That wants to be with me. I want someone that loves me above everything and everyone. That would be willing to make the biggest sacrifice – even if it uprooted his world. I want to come first."

"And you think Barry can give that to you?"

"I don't know honestly." Eddie started. "We just started dating again. But I know I'm a priority for him. I know that he wants to put my needs sometimes in front of his own. I know that he looks for small ways and does small details to make sure that I am happy. That I have a smile on my face."

"Well…" Jamie said, as he cleared his throat one more time. "It seems you're on your way to having a serious relationship with him.

"I guess." She said, softly. "Are you okay with that?"

"What?" Jamie said, suddenly turning to her and looking her in the eye. She could see an emotion there. He didn't know what it was. But it seemed like she was pleading for him to talk to her. To come clean. To tell her the truth. To share his feelings. To man up.

"Are you okay with me moving on from you?"

"From me?" Jamie asked, as his voiced raised a bit, in nervousness.

"Yes." Eddie stated. "You finally ready to accept the fact that you're losing me – not as a partner but as someone who wants to love you – at work and after work?"

"Eddie…" Jamie whispered her name as he felt his eyes start to get misty. "I don't know what you want me to say."

"I want the truth Jamie. I can handle the truth. I just need to know what that truth is." Eddie said. Even if her heart would break. If he didn't love her and did not want to be with her. She would accept it. But she just needed to know. "Jamie life is too short. Look at Dunleevy…I've been thinking about him a lot. And I don't want to waste any more time. We have beaten around the bush the 'should we, could we, do we' I just can't do it anymore."

Jamie continued to look at her but no words would come out of his mouth. What was he waiting for? He knew he loved her. She was spilling her heart out and he was frozen – scared shitless.

Eddie nodded her head. She had her answer. "Okay." She found herself saying as she got up off the couch. "Let me get you that beer partner…" She headed to the fridge. She was out of moves, she had her answer, now she had to move on. There was nothing more that she could do. She had lost. The ball had been in Jamie's court for so long and when she had asked him to toss it back, he froze. It was over.

She didn't hear Jamie get up off the couch and head towards her so she startled when she heard him speak so close behind her. "I do love you. I am in love with you. I've been in love with you for years. You are my priority. You are first for me in everything. "

Eddie turned around slowly and opened her eyes wide when she saw how close he was to her. So close that she could feel the heat radiating off his body. Even still he stepped in closer. "I love you." He uttered as he leaned down and took her mouth in his.

Eddie shook with surprise but quickly recuperated and laced her arms around his neck. She kissed him as hard as she could and smiled as she felt Jamie's tongue slide inside her mouth. She had wanted this for years. Having him finally let go was a dream come true. But what had changed? Two seconds ago, she had been so sure that she had lost him.

Jamie pulled his mouth away from her and pecked her lips one more time before he said: "I can't utter my feelings like you. I can't talk to you about my love for you without my heart and my head getting all jumbled. But seeing you fall down those stairs. Not knowing if you were hurt? I died right then and there. I don't know how to live without you."

"Then say it Jamie. Tell me. We can figure things out but don't shut me out."

"I don't want you seeing Barry anymore."

Eddie smiled at him as she stroked his cheek. "You're such a dork!" she said, as a joke; as well as to try to eliminate some tension. "After this kiss? How?"

"You have to be with me."

"That's all I've ever wanted. I just needed you to want it."

"I've wanted it for five years. I was just too afraid of losing this. Losing you. But I'm done being afraid. We do what we gotta do to be together. Are you in?"

"I'm in." Eddie said, as she kissed him one more time. "I love you Jamie."

"I love you shorty."

Jamko…Jamko…Jamko…Jamko