One Shots

Installment 4

You Just Let Them…

This story is based on a sneak peek I saw for Season 9 Episode 3. I don't know (this morning 11/12) where they are taking the actual BB Jamko scene but this is what I would love to see. I don't own the characters. I simply love to write stories for them.

It is so heartbreaking to me that the Sunday dinner scene when Eddie tried to say grace was led by teasing. Someone at our Jamko Facebook group said that they would like to see a fan fiction where the scene was real and one where the scene was a joke as payback for the Code Blue. This story in particular is going to concentrate on Eddie really being hurt and how I would have liked to see this scene play out.

Jamko…Jamko…Jamko…Jamko

"You just sat there. You let them." Eddie expressed, choking back tears. It wasn't like her to lose it like this, especially not in front of people. But she really wanted to fit in. Family was so important to Jamie and if she didn't fit in problems would most definitely ensue. However, she was furious at him as well for not defending her. What the fuck? She was his fiancé. And it seemed like he let them step all over her. No, that wasn't quite right. They had actually mocked her. Laughed at her. Made her feel so small.

"Really guys?" Jamie stated, mad and exasperated at his entire family. His niece and nephews included. Eddie had always been so strong. How was he to know that she wanted him to speak up? When was he supposed to speak up? He had told her twice it was okay but things had been simmering since they announced their engagement and if he were honest with himself, meals between all of them had not been perfect. Last week when she prepared dinner had almost been perfect. But they went ahead and did the code blue. She had handled it magnificently. He was so proud of her. Yet…he guessed she was still feeling out of sorts. And he had not been supportive.

Jamie finally reached her in the kitchen and he felt his heart break for her once again. Her back was to him and she was staring out the kitchen door. Her shoulders were slumped. He approached her quietly, not saying a word. Not wanting to startle her: "Eddie?" he said, almost a whisper as his hand went to loop around her waist. Jamie felt her stiffen and pull away from him. He closed his eyes and inhaled sharply. "Please talk to me." Her rejection of his touch hurt him more than he expected. Since he had professed his love to her and proposed – his hands had been on her most of the time. Up until now he didn't know how much he loved it. And how much he needed it.

Eddie didn't turn towards him but started talking – still at a distance from him. "You know it's not like me to be emotional. You know it's not me to let things get to me but Jamie they were laughing at me. And you may think that I am pulling a girl move or that crying over it is immature and not my style but you know what? I'm just tired of feeling like an outsider. Of trying and trying and trying and not feeling good enough."

"Eddie…you're good enough. You're more than good enough. You are better than them in many instances. Especially one like this." Jamie started. "My family can be overwhelming and rude and mean but they didn't do it maliciously. It's been a long time since we had an in law at the table. They're used to being jerks to each other – we are used to being jerks to each other – we didn't consider how you might feel. I'm sorry for that."

Eddie nodded her head. "Maybe it would just be better if I go." She said, as she sighed deeply. "Stay here with your family. Have dinner with them. I'll see you at home." Eddie said, finally turning towards him. "Do you think one of them can drive you home? So, I can take the car."

"You go, I go." Jamie said, emphatically. "I am not staying here without you."

"Stay with your family Jamie." Eddie retorted. "I'll be fine. I just need a bit of time."

Flashbacks from their conversation earlier in the week came to him. Her telling him that she may need distance from the Reagan name. That she didn't want to ride with him anymore. That his father might be right. Was that all bullshit? Did she truly miss riding with him but she was trying to appease his dad? His family? All he wanted was for Eddie to feel comfortable and loved in his childhood home. And the hard truth was that she didn't. And he didn't know how to fix it. In his gut he knew it would take time. But these growing pains? They were slowly killing her. And he didn't know how to make it better. Eddie needed to go through them. But maybe he could be more supportive.

"Eddie…I know you feel like a fish out of water. But you have to give it time. And they didn't mean it. Not in a malicious way. This goes with having a big family. They didn't mean to be mean. I know that they all like you. Teasing is part of this family's dynamic."

Eddie nodded her head. "You may be right." She acquiesced. "But I am not used to this Jamie. And I am embarrassed. And I just want to go. I can't face them right now. Just give my apologies and go have dinner."

"Let's go then." Jamie said. There was no way he was going to go back to the table without her. And quite frankly he had lost his appetite.

"Actually, I really can't face you right now either. Please just let me go." Eddie said, finally meeting his gaze. "I just want to be alone right now." Eddie exclaimed, honestly.

"No." Jamie stated. He approached her once again and wrapped his arms around her waist, not allowing her to pull back – though she tried. "You are too used to dealing with things alone. And now you have me. I may have fucked up tonight but the fact that you are my family now is all that matters. And you need to learn to count on me and to lean on me and to be vulnerable and embarrassed with me. It's okay to be mad at me and it's okay to feel embarrassed but we deal with it as a couple. No walking away."

"Jamie…" Eddie tried again. She really did feel like being alone. She liked to deal with things in her own way and she truly just felt like crying it out and she already had made a fool of herself in front of all the Reagans. She wanted to lick her wounds in peace. "Can we just try again next week? Pretend we're not even engaged for this week. It'll be a Reagan family dinner with no outsiders."

"What? No babe. End of discussion. You want to go? We'll go. I support that but we go together. And I'm not pretending that we're not engaged. I spent too much time pretending I didn't love you while riding with you in the RMP. And you're not an outsider. Stop calling yourself that. You are a Reagan. It took Linda and Jack time to find their way."

"Your family already thinks I am overly sensitive. I don't want any more negative feelings. Just stay. I am fine."

"I'm going to talk to them about this but right now I am leaving with you. Come on. Let's go."

Eddie closed her eyes and stepped back from him. "Okay. But maybe we can just hit the reset button?"

"What does that mean?"

"I don't know. So many ideas are swirling around in my head. I just miss our day to day dynamic. I miss you. I miss riding with you. I miss us. And that may have me a bit out of sorts as well."

Jamie finally nodded his head and felt his eyes mist over as he saw her eyes fill to the brim with tears. "Why did I think this was going to be easy? That I was going to sit at that table and feel like I had been there for years." Eddie continued: "That no longer riding with you wasn't going to affect me. That me not being able to play mama bear to you in any capacity – or to defend you – was going to hurt so much?"

"It's a mixture of everything changing in such a short time." Jamie pointed out finally getting a bit of understanding at why she had been so sensitive back there. She wasn't feeling herself. And neither was he if he was honest. They had a new norm. And it was hard to not be together for the whole day – in and out of work.

"Do you regret proposing?" she asked. "I know that you were mad when I told you that maybe we should listen to your dad. I know you were hurt when I told you I requested not to transfer. You have been wanting to include me as much as you could and I have stopped it."

"Never. Please don't ever think that." Jamie said, as he tugged her to him and hugged her. "Proposing to you is the one thing I have done right." He said, as he pulled back slightly and kissed her gently. "I love you."

"I'm sorry I walked out." She said, as she laid her head on his shoulder. Jamie involuntarily let out a sigh. He had not realized how tense he had been with her trying to put distance between them physically and emotionally. He wanted her right where she was. Close to him.

"They owe you an apology. I owe you an apology."

"No. You don't. I think that everything just came to a head right at that moment and I just exploded. I know I am stronger than this."

"You're entitled to feel mad and angry and you're entitled to fight back. But you're also entitled to have a moment to yourself and to break down and to tell me how you really feel. So that I can help you."

"I really do love that we finally figured it out and are together but it feels like I am mourning the loss of our partnership at work. I didn't think that I would."

"Then transfer." Jamie pointed out. "Don't block it anymore. I'm not saying that it's going to be easy and it will be different. I can't ride with you. But at least we can be at the same house. I won't let you disappear."

Eddie smiled and caressed his cheek. He remembered that conversation they had and he took it to heart. That's why she loved him. "And maybe I can learn to respect the fact that you're a boss now and that cops are gonna talk shit about you."

"And you can't take their names or shield numbers." Jamie pointed out laughing slightly.

"They have to know that I'm engaged to you." Eddie stated. "We can't hide that fact."

"Yes. And they are not going to trust you."

"Well I am going to be a Reagan. It goes with the territory. I've been somehow living it already – ever since I was your partner. I just want to be in the same house. I need to hear what the ranks are saying. I won't get into it with them but I need to know that I am close in case you need me."

"No retreat, no surrender." Jamie said, as he kissed her one more time.

"No retreat, no surrender." Eddie repeated. "We're good?"

"We're good." Jamie told her. "I love you. And I'm sorry again about our family. Sometimes they can be jerks."

"It is our family. And I will settle in. I promise. I just think I may be trying too hard. And they can sense that."

"And they haven't been the most welcoming. Well Dad wasn't and I think that stings a little." Jamie said, a bit sadly.

"Yes. Maybe for you too?" Eddie asked him as she shrugged her shoulders.

"Absolutely." Jamie acknowledged. "But Danny should know better and Erin too. And Pops." Jamie said, sadly. "And I should have sensed you were drowning in there. But I didn't. And I feel awful."

"Pops does know better." Jamie and Eddie heard Henry say as he made his way into the kitchen. "Eddie I am so sorry. I didn't realize that we were hurting your feelings. It was never our intention. Sweetheart, this family teases mercilessly sometimes and because we do it so often we have developed tough skin. We just have to realize that you haven't yet. And it wasn't fair to you. You are trying so hard and I am sorry that we laughed. I will teach you to say grace. I will teach you everything. Please forgive me."

"Us too." Both Erin and Danny said. "We feel awful. We are bad in laws and we were mean." Erin continued. "Please stay. Jamie we're sorry."

"I'm not the one you should be apologizing to."

"We need to apologize to you both." Danny said. "But more to you Eddie. Sometimes I talk out of my ass. And I don't consider other people's feelings."

"Yes." Erin said. "Eddie we are sorry."

Frank, and the kids, followed into the kitchen. "Eddie…" Nikki started. "I feel so bad. I'm sorry. I should have thought before saying what I did. Please don't hold this against us or Uncle Jamie. It was a lapse in judgment. It just seems that you have been part of this family since before you occupied a seat."

"What do you mean?" Eddie asked.

"You and Uncle Jamie were topics of conversation at Sunday dinner and out of Sunday dinner." Sean said. "We all knew that Uncle Jamie had feelings for you. We've known for years. It was like you were here. No other girls. It was just you. And we confronted Uncle Jamie about it as much as he would let us."

"But you weren't here and you didn't know that we have known." Jack continued. "And because of that you really don't know us like we feel we know you. We were mean and disrespectful. And for that we hope you can forgive us."

"And join us for dinner Eddie." Frank finally spoke up. "Everyone will be on their best behavior."

"I don't want that." Eddie finally said. "I don't want dinners to be formal and polite. I just want to fit in. I want you guys to accept me. That's it. I want to have conversations that make us laugh, cry, argue and challenge one another. But more importantly I want you all to know that Jamie means the world to me. That I love him and because of that I want you guys to be happy with him choosing me. Because if I were to be a reason why there would be discord in another wise close-knit family, I would feel terrible. And I don't know how our marriage would work."

"Those feelings that you have are partly my fault." Frank spoke up. "And I am sorry. I told this to Jamie the other day. And I'm telling this to you directly now. If you or him have gotten the impression that I am unhappy with the choice you both have made to spend the rest of your lives together, it couldn't be farther from the truth. I am ecstatic for the both of you. I couldn't be happier for my son. He has found himself the ideal person. This marriage is going to last because of the love you two share. And if me having reservations about you two riding together and spoiling the wonderful news when you both sprung it on us? I am ashamed. And I am embarrassed that I made you feel not welcome Eddie. This is your home now. This is your family now. This is what it means to be a Reagan – warts and all. We are not perfect. We screw up. Big time like today. But we forgive and we move on and we love each other unconditionally. And I will go to my grave defending you from everything and everyone. You are my daughter now. As Linda was and continues to be. Please join us today for dinner and don't leave."

"I feel like I have to hug you now." Eddie said, as she shrugged her shoulders and let a few lone tears fall down her face.

Frank smiled as well and extended his arms. Eddie went right to him. "Thank you for saying that Frank. It means everything." Eddie admitted.

Jamie smiled with tears in his eyes. He had been so mad at all of them but just like that they come clean, apologize to his fiancé and make her feel better. It meant everything to him as well.

"All right. All right." Danny started as the whole family was taken by surprise when they saw him wipe some tears from his eyes. "Enough with the tears…our first family fight including the future Eddie Reagan is over and done with. Let's eat!"

They all smiled and nodded as they made their way back to the dining room. Jamie reached out for Eddie's hand stopping her for a moment. She turned back to him quizzically. "I love you." Jamie said, as he bent down and kissed her. "Over anything and anyone. You are my priority. Got that?"

"The same goes for you Mr. Reagan." Eddie said, as she kissed him back. "I love you above and beyond anyone and everything."

"Edit Marie Reagan. Has a definite nice ring to it." He said, as he smiled. "Or you can hyphenate."

Eddie smiled as she heard Danny yell: "Enough with the kissing! I'm starving!"

"Wouldn't you like to know Mr. Reagan."

"Indeed." Jamie replied as he pulled her hand towards the dining room.

"And you will…"

Jamko…Jamko…Jamko…Jamko