Chapter Twenty Two

To say it was an uneasy night for Regina would have been an understatement. Once she'd found a nearby hotel for the evening, and called to say goodnight to Henry, she found she couldn't relax and she couldn't get her mind off of Emma.

There had been a time in her life when she felt like she spent more time travelling an in hotels than she did at home, and there had been a time when she didn't mind that. There had been a time when travelling and hotel rooms meant a rendezvous with Emma, and she really didn't mind that.

Now, however, in this hotel room, she was acutely aware of just how lonely she was. She'd thought adopting Henry would be the answer, and while he was the light of her life and she'd never trade him for anything, she was becoming more and more aware that there was more that she needed. Henry, alone, wasn't enough to fill the hole in her heart, as much as she'd hoped he would be.

And it made sense, really, she knew. That emptiness was the price she paid for the curse, and when you cast the curse to end all curses, the price has to be steep. Adopting Henry was a start, but it wasn't enough because it was too easy. Loving him was too easy and it came as natural to her as breathing. But it wasn't enough to make her change, not fully. She could keep the curse and keep her anger and her revenge and love Henry all at the same time.

She'd have to give her death grip on those things up if she wanted to love Emma.

But she had to wonder if it was too late for that now. Emma had chased her for years, and even continued to pursue her in Storybrooke, and Regina had to wonder how many times you could reject a person before they gave up on you entirely. She hadn't expected to find Emma with another woman tonight, but she also had never expected Emma to run back to Boston. She couldn't even bring herself to feel jealous, since she knew she was the one who had driven Emma to it in the first place.

Who was she to question how Emma sought solace when it was her to she was seeking an escape from in the first place?

It also occurred to Regina then that in all her years of knowing Emma, she really hadn't learned anything about her. She hadn't wanted to take on another person's baggage, and now she has to wonder if she, herself, had just become more baggage for Emma to lug around with her.

It was a little after 2am when Emma woke up the woman sleeping next to her and asked her to leave. She's picked her up in a nearby bar, and she couldn't quite remember her name… Courtney? Caitlin? It didn't matter really. The only thing that mattered is she wasn't Regina and she was the furthest thing from Regina and someone who was definitely not anything like Regina was exactly what Emma thought she needed to keep her mind off of Regina.

Until Regina had shown up, of course.

Emma hated the way her heart had skipped a beat when she'd opened the door to see Regina standing there. She really hadn't expected her to chase her all the way to Boston. Admittedly, it wasn't that far, but for Regina to chase her down at all, Emma thought that must be significant.

And she wished she could get that idea out of her head.

By 3am she was still awake, pacing the floor of her apartment, wondering if she'd made a mistake telling Regina she could come back in the morning. Her incessant pacing was sobering her up, and the more she thought about it, it began to occur to her that she'd never even found out what Regina wanted. What if she wasn't chasing her at all? What if this was only about Henry?

Of course it was about Henry, Emma reasoned. She'd up and left out of the blue and she was sure the kid wouldn't stop pestering Regina about it. When she'd ignored Regina's calls, she must have gotten frustrated enough to get in her car and track her down herself. She guessed she'd left the kid at home just in case she found Emma in the exact state she'd found her in.

She wondered if Regina was jealous. She wondered if she had even stayed in Boston, and if she really would come back in the morning. It would be entirely like her to get back in her car and drive straight home, and forget she'd ever met Emma in the first place, and Emma wondered what she would do if that were the case.

Something about Regina had always been so compelling to her. Something Emma couldn't put her finger on, but she knew she'd been telling the truth when she'd told Regina she was always looking for her. She really was, in every woman she met. And when she was angry, she looked for someone who was Regina's polar opposite because she thought that was the answer, but deep down she knew, even that came back to Regina.

Somehow, her life always came back to Regina.

And she didn't know what to do with that.

By the time morning came, Regina knew she didn't get nearly as much sleep as she'd likely need to get through this conversation with Emma. She'd prefaced it with talking about Henry, but there was so much more she knew needed to come out in the open, and she wasn't sure how she was going to manage that. Honesty and openness had never been her strong points, and she was quite sure Emma had nearly enough emotional baggage to rival her own.

She was sure this was going to get messy.

Still, after a decidedly awful Americano with a double shot of espresso at a little hole in the wall coffee shop she'd found near her hotel, Regina was back in her car and back on her way to Emma's apartment, again. She found herself in autopilot as she found a spot to park and made her way back to the entrance, opting to buzz Emma's apartment this time.

Emma didn't answer, but Regina took the click of the lock to mean she was still invited - well, invited was a strong word, she supposed - and she took a deep breath and made her way inside.

In the elevator on the way up to Emma's floor, Regina couldn't help the small smile creeping up at the corner of her mouth as she remembered a more eventful elevator trip with Emma, years ago. They really had had some good times, she had to admit, and she wondered what might have happened if Emma had turned out to be literally anyone else in the entire world.

But she knew that was a dangerous line of thinking. What ifs had gotten her in trouble before, and now she knew better. If she was going to face Emma, it would be as herself, the Evil Queen facing the Savior, asking if there was even a shred of a chance.

Regina chewed nervously on her bottom lip as she knocked on Emma's door. It was only a few moments before the door swung open as it had the night before, but she was greeted by a much different Emma this time. Emma looked more somber, definitely sobered up, dressed in jeans and a white tank top, her hair brushed. Regina suddenly felt overdressed in her black pantsuit and dark red blouse, but that was always the way it was with them, she remembered.

"Hi," Regina said, tentatively. She was never one to be caught off-balance, but right now she felt completely lost and unable to find her centre. She wasn't in control right now, and that always left her feeling a little agitated and uneasy.

Emma stared at her a moment, and Regina couldn't read the expression in her eyes. Emma looked tired, but more tired than just a rough night's sleep. She looked worn down and defeated. Regina had never seen her like this, and she knew she was the one who'd caused it.

"You want to talk about Henry," Emma said, as she stepped back and let Regina inside her apartment.

Regina took a moment to look around, taking in the space that was simultaneously so impersonal and so Emma, all at the same time. It was simple, and nicely decorated though nothing seemed to speak to Emma's tastes or personality, as far as Regina knew. She supposed that made sense for a woman who never stayed in one place long. She guessed Emma never grew too attached to anything.

"I want to… talk, yes," Regina said, inwardly kicking herself for how she was stumbling over her words.

"About Henry," Emma repeated, taking a seat on her couch and motioning for Regina to do the same.

"No."

Emma nodded, and looked unfazed. Regina guessed she must have figured it was more than Henry that would have driven her to make this trip, and spend the night in Boston.

"Talk, then," Emma said, not quite able to meet Regina's eyes with her own.

Regina swallowed in an attempt to quell her nerves. Emma wasn't making this easy, but she supposed she didn't really have a right to expect her to, after how she'd treated her. For years. She took a deep breath, and started. "Emma, everything I said that night was true-"

"Regina," Emma cut her off, already exasperated, shaking her head. "Don't do this. Don't tell me you came all the way out here to try to convince me of this fairy tale bullshit."

"Why would I come here if it weren't true, Emma?"

"I don't know, to make sure I'm really gone? Guess what, I am. I have no intention of coming back to Storybrooke so you can just forget about me and move on with your life, alright? You've made your point. I get it."

"Well, Emma, the thing is… I can't forget about you. I've tried."

"That's not my problem."

"Emma, please. You know as well as I do that there's something here."

Emma shrugged, though she still refused to make eye contact. "There might have been. You made pretty damn sure to stamp it out, though."

"I know. And I… there's a lot of things I regret, Emma, but you have to understand-"

"Understand what? That you were never interested in anything but sex from me? Yeah, I got the message."

"Can I finish?"

"You don't need to. You made it clear and I just didn't listen. I kept coming back because I was stupid."

"You're not stupid, Emma."

"No, you're right, I'm not. What I was, was young and naive and inexperienced. I was a fucking teeanger for fuck's sake. And you were elegant and classy and mysterious and out of every single person in the bar that night, you picked me and I… how could you expect me not to get attached?"

"Emma, I…"

"What, Regina? You what? You wanted to talk, so talk. Tell me what the hell you were thinking that night?"

"You want to know the honest truth? I was thinking you looked like an easy target. I was thinking that you were there, alone, looking lost and vulnerable, and it wouldn't be all that hard to get you to go to bed with me."

For the first time, Emma met Regina's eyes, and she gaped at her for a moment before shaking her head in disbelief. "... what?"

"You wanted the truth, Emma, and that's the truth. That's what I saw from across the bar that night. That's what made me approach you."

"So I was, what then? Some sort of… mark, to you?"

"For lack of a better word, yes. That's what I did back then, Emma. I travelled a lot and I met a lot of people. You knew that."

"Yeah, but… I thought I was different."

"You were," Regina admitted, prompting Emma to meet her eyes again. "You changed everything, Emma. I stopped what I was doing because I only wanted to see you. I told you you had some sort of hold on me. I didn't understand it… I don't really, still… but it's… it has to be more than the curse."

Emma drew in a deep breath and rolled her eyes up to the ceiling, shaking her head slowly, laughing mirthlessly to herself. "Just when I thought this conversation might actually go somewhere."

"It's going somewhere, Emma. But sooner or later you're going to have to accept the truth of who you are. And who I am."

"No, I don't think I do. The thing is, I don't have to do anything. I can just stay here and forget I ever knew you. I have a good job, I'm young, I can have a life. Without you."

"But you don't want that."

"Well, I certainly don't want this!"

"So, tell me what you do want, then."

Emma hesitated for just a moment. Regina wasn't sure if perhaps Emma wasn't quite as sober as she'd thought, but instead of a verbal answer, Emma all but pounced on her, pushing her back against the arm of the couch as her lips crashed against her own.

Within seconds, Emma's body was on top of her, and Regina could feel her pulse quickening as panic started to set in. Emma's mouth had moved to her neck and though she tried to tell herself this was just Emma and Emma wouldn't hurt her, all she could focus on was the complete and utter suffocation she felt being pinned under Emma's strong body.

She couldn't seem to bring herself to speak until she felt Emma's hands find her wrists, grabbing them tight and lifting them to pin them above her head. It was a move she was sure Emma had learned from her in the first place, but it was enough for her to find her voice and cry out, "stop!"

To be continued…

We've reached the point where it's all going to come to a head. This was actually the first scene I planned out when I was plotting this story, and it what everything else has been leading up to. I know you guys hate when I leave it on a cliffhanger, but I will make it up to you in the next chapter! I decided to split it up because I really want to make sure I do justice to the next part, but I didn't want to make you wait too long, so I'm giving you this part now ;)

Thanks to everyone who's been following this journey with me! I'm not sure how long this story will end up being, but I *think* it's past the halfway point at this point. Still a lot of resolution to work though, clearly!

Also, for everyone who's interested, you can find me on tumblr as rowark-sq :)

Until next time! (Which hopefully will be very soon! My hand is getting better now which makes it MUCH easier to actually type!)