Chapter 13
Jake stared back into Sam's eyes with equal intensity. He waited.
"Jake, I" Sam started but hesitated. She took another deep breath. "Jake I love you." She confessed.
"I have loved you for many years. I tried to tell you many times but I always chickened out. I didn't want to ruin our friendship. And then you were graduating and leaving for college and I didn't want to hope and dream and fall for someone who wasn't going to be here. I was going to tell you on your graduation party, I tried, but I was too afraid of rejection." Sam's voice was barely at a whisper and she couldn't make her eyes look at Jake.
"So the day before you left I decided I was going to do it. Go tell you how I felt. I was determined. So I went looking for you and I found you. Here." Sam said motioning towards where they were. "And I saw Witch and another horse. Then I heard your voice and, and," Sam's voice broke, a treacherous tear fell down her cheek hard and fast.
"And another girls voice. And I wanted to turn around and run away but I couldn't. So I stayed and I listened to the laughing and the teasing and, and I heard you tell her that you, that you loved her and how excited you both were to go to college together. And I knew I didn't stand a chance against that. My whole world came crashing down and you didn't even notice." Sam felt the words she had been hiding come out as if they had been held captive for centuries and where finally allowed freedom.
"So I ran away then. I didn't want to ruin your happiness." Sam was crying now.
"And that was the last day I cried because of you. I vowed to never do it again. I erased you completely form my brain and heart. I never spoke your name or even thought about you. I took acting classes so that no one could know how broken I was, not even me and especially not you. I avoided you when you came to visit. I got into so many things in school to stay busy to have an excuse not to be home. And on those rare times when I did see you even though on the inside my heart exploded to millions of tiny pieces my outside was completely unmovable. You suspected nothing. No one did." Sam's tears had dried.
"I had been fine up until when Jen called and said you were back, back. And ever since then I have found it harder and harder to hold up this wall. Every time I try and fix it you make a new hole in it. And the worst part is. I let you. A part of me still wants you to break through all of my wall. But a bigger part of me doesn't trust you, even though you did nothing because you didn't even know, until now. You have way too much power over me, if you hurt me without even knowing it. How about now that you do?" Sam stopped talking. Both she and Jake said nothing for a while.
"The worst part is I don't even know if you are still with that one girl?" Sam whispered.
"Sam, I." Jake hesitated. He just couldn't find the right words.
"Sam, I love you too." Jake said as he reached to hold Sam's hand. He caressed it then pulled it up to his lips and kissed it sweetly, inhaling her aroma. "My heart has always belonged to you and only you." He said pulling her hand up over his heart.