Chapter 15

The next day Sam woke up confused. She didn't know if she felt happy or sad. Her talk with Brynna last night had made her fall of her "Jake loves me" cloud and land on the cold hard "Jake technically still has a girlfriend sort of" floor.

"Wait until they've talked." She said. "How would you feel?" She asks. Easy for her to say she's married!

Samantha was frustrated and the more she thought about the more confused and torn she felt. She wished she could talk to Jen. Jen! I have rehearsal! She screamed to herself.

Sam jumped out of bed and hurried to the restroom. She showered quickly and got dressed even quicker. She only paused to look at the time and she was already 5 minutes late, by the time she got there…well let's just say she was going to her funeral.

"Why are you late?" Mr. Crane asked with a crisp voice.

"I have no excuse. I'm sorry and it won't happen again." Sam answered sincerely.

"You bet it won't because if it does you should not even bother to show up." He said angrily. "I won't tolerate tardiness, especially this close to the show." He yelled at all of us. He turned again towards Sam and gave her a very stern look that made Sam turn and walk towards the dressing rooms like a dog with their tail between their legs.

In the dressing room however she found Jen and though they didn't get a chance to talk a lot Sam said enough to have both of them a little out of it, each girl lost in their own thoughts while trying to perform their parts well.

Lunch couldn't come sooner. Sam and Jen had their lunches and where sitting together before anyone had even had a chance to process that there was a break.

"So what happened?" Jen asked curiosity dripping in every word.

"Well long story short he told me everything." Sam started.

"And everything is?" Jen prompted her.

"Okay so basically he loves me," Sam couldn't help smiling. "Always has."

"So what about that girl then?" Jen said almost accusatorily.

"Dana is her name and they met at their orientation thingy during his last year at Darton High. He was using her to try and get over the fact that he loved me. She cheated on him and that made him realize he didn't really care cus he still loved me. Though I mean I can tell that it hurt him, just the way his eyes got when he spoke of her. I knew he cared about her a lot but still not like he does for me. She was cheating on him the whole time too. All the time they were together she was still dating her old hometown love." Sam spilled over the words, desperate to find an answer to what to do. Jen said nothing, thinking deeply about what Sam had said. Samantha was getting nervous she didn't want to hear another Brynna she wanted someone to tell her to go for it because in Jakes mind he had finished things with Dana.

"Jake told her to not bother even breaking up with him cus he didn't want to hear from her again and then left and they never spoke again. Which we both know means that there wasn't like full closure on the relationship and chances are that she might still think that they're together." Sam finished the story.

"So where does that leave you too?" Jen asked.

"That's what I've been asking myself. I told him that I'd rather wait for him to talk to her and settle things. You know, like if something happens between us I want it to be the right way. But.."Sam trailed off.

"But at the same time you don't want to wait." Jen finished for her.

"Is it wrong?" Sam asked feeling like a small child.

"Well I don't know it's tricky. I mean on the one side she cheated, a lot, from what I've heard. Jake technically did finish things, with the whole 'I never want to hear from you again' thing. Plus you both love each other. But on the other hand both of you have a strong feeling that this girl still thinks she's in a relationship with him so in her mind it would be cheating. Plus Jake know her better than either of us and if he thinks she thinks that then she most likely does. And cheating is just plain wrong." Jen voiced what Sam had been thinking about the whole day.

"So?" Sam asked feeling this conversation was leading nowhere.

"So I don't know. It's not like I have lots of experience in this area. All I'm going to tell you it's that you do what you got to do to be happy. Just remember if you feel you're doing something bad, you start feeling guilt and all, then 4 out of 5 times it's because you are." Jen said looking seriously at her best friend. Samantha couldn't bring herself to meet Jen's gaze.

Like a good friend Jen didn't bring up the subject again and instead they talked about Jen's grounded days and soon all thoughts of Jake and Dana where forgotten.

Winter break was over and Sam went back to school. With the play's opening coming soon she hardly had time to think of anything other than school, chores, and the play. Thoughts of her and Jake finally together creeped up constantly into Samantha's mind, though, and she would find herself daydreaming in class or rehearsal. More than once people had to practically shout at her for her to notice she was being spoken too. She had hardly seen Jake since their confessions session and the few times she did they were true to their word and where just like before. Added that they flirted a little more openly and would catch each other's eyes and smile playfully. But still no more lengthy love confessions and definitely no physical signs of affection. Not even holding hands.

Samantha kept thinking of what to do. She really didn't want to wait to finally be able to be with Jake, being able to call him hers. Especially not after how long she'd waited and how much pain she had gone through. Sam was young and selfish and she didn't really care. She wanted to be with Jake.

But at the same time Jens words replayed in her mind, "Just remember if you feel you're doing something bad, you start feeling guilt and all, then 4 out of 5 times it's because you are", and Sam couldn't shake off the bad feeling she would get at the pit of her stomach whenever she would think of her and Jake together. No matter how she painted it in her head. No matter what Dana had done to Jake and how much she would deserve it. No matter if Jake had ended things and it's her fault for not getting the clue. Sam wasn't sure if she could be with someone, even Jake, when they weren't one hundred and fifty percent single.

The new question that replayed in Sam's head, like a broken record machine, was if it was worth the guilt.