One Shots
Installment 8
Closure
So, I know that my story Regrets is the one that should be updated, however, I am experiencing writer's block and I think it's because I cannot take this particular scenario out of my head. So, I've decided to see if I can make it a One Shot. I am hoping that it kind of relieves my brain and inspires me to continue with Regrets. Cross fingers peeps! I will update soon (I hope!)
I have been thinking a lot of Sydney and the reaction she may feel if she found out that Jamie was engaged to Eddie. Why? Because in my mind I imagine that anyone letting go of Jamie would regret it. I never liked the fact that Jamie told Frank that he didn't know if he let the best thing walk out of his life when he let Sydney go. I understand, per se, that he felt it at the moment it happened and that he had not met Eddie yet. However, it still sticks in my gut as a phrase I never will fully accept. I don't think I am trying to minimize the love they had (Sydney and Jamie) – just IMO I think it wasn't the lasting kind of love. So, I write how I see them.
As always, I do not own BB or their characters. I just love to write stories for them. Hope you enjoy!
Jamko…Jamko…Jamko…Jamko
Sydney looked at the cell phone in her hand and felt the nervousness in her stomach rise up again. It had been so long that she considered reaching out to Jamie. But now, she didn't understand it and couldn't pinpoint it either, but she just felt the necessity to reach out. It had been five, six, years? She couldn't even remember. All she knew was - that for the past few weeks - Jamie had been on her mind non-stop. Maybe it was because she knew she was coming to New York to visit family and friends. But she had done that before and not felt the need to reach out to him. She was sure that his life had changed in a lot of ways. Maybe it was morbid curiosity. Maybe it was a feeling in her gut that told her that something monumental was happening – to him, not her. Bottom line she wanted to at least know how he was and how his life had progressed since their breakup. They had been engaged for God's sakes. And she knew she had been the one to walk away. But couldn't they at least have dinner or drinks or a cup of coffee? Catch up? They had loved each other at one point in their lives.
It was 8:00 am in London right now, Sydney thought to herself, making it 3:00 am in New York. It was definitely too early to reach out to Jamie. But as it got closer to her leaving for her vacation in New York, her restraint in not calling Jamie was failing her. She knew that she would reach out – either when she arrived in New York or prior to her boarding the plane – but she had to reach out. Do you want to get back together? She thought to herself. No. It wasn't that. Jamie had changed right before her eyes and there was no question that after all this time, Jamie may have changed to someone she would not recognize even further. Physically? He would be the same. Emotionally? Who knew. He had already changed from when he graduated law school to when he came out from the Academy. Hence her leaving and walking away from their engagement and their lives.
Anywho…she thought to herself as she finished the last sip of her espresso. Only time would tell if her and Jamie would finally meet up after all this time. She grabbed her briefcase and walked toward the door. She briefly looked at her watch and smiled. She wasn't running late for her meeting. She could stop at that bakery around the corner from her office. It would be nice to take everyone on her floor some pastries. She smiled once again. She was happy in London and she was glad that she now considered it her home. Maybe seeing Jamie was to make sure that he was okay and that their breakup had indeed been for the best. It wasn't as if Jamie would just leave everything and come to London to live with her. And she most definitely would not leave London. So why did she have to see him? Why was she so adamant? Jesus. Something was up. Her sixth sense was telling her. She would find out sooner or later but for now it was time to focus on work, on her meeting and on those delicious pastries.
Jamko…Jamko…Jamko…Jamko
A couple of days later…
"Reagan." Jamie said, a bit intrigued by the number on his phone. It wasn't a number he recognized but on occasion he was known to give his number – via his courtesy card – to people that may need to reach out to him. This may be one of those calls. It was still early for his shift and he was still at the apartment. But he went ahead and answered the call anyway – he was always on call that was for sure.
"Hi Jamie…" he heard over the phone. Jamie scrunched up his face and tried to place the voice. It sounded familiar yet he couldn't quite place it. But in an instant, he knew it wasn't a work call. This was on a personal level. Her "hi Jamie" seemed too familiar. Who the hell was this? And his gut was telling him that maybe he should have let this damn call go to voicemail. It was just not sitting right with him.
"Hello." He found himself responding to her salutation. "Can I help you?"
"You don't recognize me?" Sydney said, truly intrigued and a bit dismayed that he did not recognize her immediately. A part of her was so sure that he would. She thought that if he ever reached out to her, she would know instantly it was him. No matter how much time had transpired. They had been engaged. They had meant – at one point – so much to each other. How could he not recognize her? Her?
Jamie froze for a second and he stopped breathing. Sydney. What was she doing calling him? It had been like what? Six years? More? Why all of a sudden reappear in his life?
"It's Sydney." She finally hammered out. "How are you?"
Jamie cleared his throat and replied: "Hey." Trying to sound casual. She had been the one to reach out to him after all. For now, there was silence on both of their ends. This could have not been more awkward for the two of them. But Jamie had every right to remain quiet. He had not been the one to initiate this contact. If he was honest with himself, it had been a long time since Sydney came into his mind. He had not thought of her in months – if not more. She was someone in his past and quite frankly he wanted her to remain there. He had moved on as soon as he realized that they were no longer compatible.
Jamie came back from reality and decided to speak: "I didn't place your voice immediately. But I did after." Jamie responded. What did she want? Why call now? These thoughts kept on repeating themselves. She would not just call out of the blue, would she? What was her end game here? Sydney Davenport always had an end game. That was who she was. Calculating to a fault. If she called him there was something she wanted or needed.
"Oh. Well I'm glad that at least you did recognize me." Sydney said, as she smiled and chuckled to let Jamie know she was amused. "I just wanted to let you know I'm in town. I got here last night. And I was hoping that maybe we could catch up. I don't know what you prefer. Dinner? Drinks?"
Jamie scrunched his face. For the life of him – when they first broke up – he actually prayed for her to reach out. To call him. To meet. To talk. To reconcile. But now? He didn't know what they could possibly talk about? He didn't want her in his life. He had Eddie now and he was happy and in love and there was no room for her – not even to catch up. And as soon as Eddie came into his mind, he heard Eddie in the bathroom and panicked for a second. He knew how jealous Eddie got sometimes and him talking to his ex-fiancé might not go over well. Even if it was her reaching out to him. He wanted no problems with Eddie. They were finally good, in love, spoken out loud and he was not changing that for anything. Sydney be damned.
"Jamie?" he heard Sydney call out, bringing him back to reality.
"I'm here." He found himself responding. "Listen it's been so long. Why do you need to meet?" Jamie deadpanned. Never being one to skedaddle around the bush when he just wanted things to be clear and on the table.
"I haven't seen or heard from you in a while. And honestly, lately you've been on my mind a lot." Sydney confessed. There was no reason not to tell him the truth.
"I don't think we have anything left to say to one another."
"Maybe not." She acquiesced. "But I would like to see you nonetheless. See how you're doing."
"I'm great." Jamie said, honestly. "Happy."
"Then let's just meet for old times sake. I want to see you Jamie."
He inhaled and touched the bridge of his nose, hanging his head. Did he owe her? For the way she claimed he changed and ignored her? He didn't know. "Coffee." Jamie said, as he decided. "That's all I can offer."
"Why?" Sydney said. Why could he only offer her coffee? Was it that he was with someone? She admitted the thought had crossed her mind. Even the thought of him being already married to someone else but she quickly discarded that. It would have been all over the papers because of Frank and her parents would have told her. More likely he was seeing someone and he didn't want any problems. When Jamie committed to someone, he was serious about it. A twinge – however small – invaded her body and it hurt, just a tad. But she told herself, that was normal. They had been – at one point in their lives – in love and engaged to be married.
"Take it or leave it Sydney." She finally heard Jamie's voice. And how ironic was it that a part of him wanted her to leave it and say 'fuck it' – I don't need to see you.
"Sydney?" Eddie said, as she overheard him as she made her way to the living room. What the hell? Why was his ex-fiancé calling him? Nerves started in the pit of her stomach and she quickly starting thinking that this was not going to be a normal day. This was going to be one of those days that could change her life – his life – forever. Dramatic much? Eddie scolded herself internally. Get it together girl.
Jamie, in turn, heard her come in and heard her mention Sydney's name. Dammit! He was hoping he'd have time to set the tone of this conversation with her. Because he was going to tell her. There was no way he was hiding it from her. But now she had figured it out and he had not warned her. But to his credit, he was still on the line with her. When could he have told her before her overhearing? It was fucking impossible. Yet still he felt like he had done something wrong.
"Fine." Sydney exclaimed, a bit annoyed. Maybe he hadn't changed that much since the last time she remembered him. "Coffee Project on 5th St."
"Sounds good."
"Noon?"
"Yep."
"See you then."
"Bye." Jamie found himself hanging up immediately and turned to Eddie. "Before you freak out babe, she reached out to me." He said, raising his hands defensively.
"Uh huh." Eddie said, as she approached the kitchen island and grabbed a cup of coffee. She needed coffee before this conversation. She poured herself a cup and went to the fridge to take out the cream.
"I heard the phone ring. I didn't know who it was. I just answered and it was her."
"And you're going to go see her?" Eddie deadpanned. "When you already have another fiancé…me…" she said, as she pointed to herself. "You're going to see her anyway." She finalized, as she raised her eyebrow and took a sip of her coffee.
"Just coffee. I honestly don't know why she wants to see me. But I think I owe her."
"Why?" Eddie asked. "If you ask me, you don't owe her shit."
Jamie let that go and instead just answered the question: "Because after all these years and after finally getting my shit together to tell you I loved you and to propose to you, I've realized that I may have shut her out. And that I was a shitty boyfriend and quite possibly a shittier fiancé. And that our breakup was partly my fault. And I can now admit it. Maybe more my fault than hers. I changed my life abruptly. And didn't even consider her feelings. It was all about me and what made me happy. And I just assumed that my happiness was going to be hers as well."
"Do you regret her leaving you?" Eddie asked, quietly. This was one of the things she did wonder and maybe it was good that Sydney had come to the forefront so they could talk about it and maybe put her and her ghost to bed. Not that she was a big issue. Not at all. But when she came looking for him and having coffee with her man? Well there was going to be an issue. An issue that needed to be discussed and remedied. And an issue that Eddie needed confirmation was going to be resolved after this one coffee date. Well not date, meeting, gathering, whatever. But certainly not a date.
Jamie immediately answered: "Nope. Not for a moment do I regret her leaving me. We weren't meant to be Eddie. You and I? Whether I would have married her or not, I believe you and I would have been inevitable. I would have fallen for you the first time I met you. And I would have fought it of course but you would have been a difficult woman to resist. I feel that in my gut."
She accepted that because she agreed with it. No need to take that thought any further so she continued with her first train of thought: "If I wouldn't have been here would you have told me she reached out and that you're going to have coffee with her?"
"Yep." Jamie said, without hesitation. "Immediately. I am in love with you. Not Sydney or any other woman is going to put in jeopardy our relationship. And I knew that not telling you would only cause problems between us."
Eddie nodded her head: "You better be good. And you better be quick. I hate it but I am trying to understand." Eddie said, as she wrapped her arms around his neck. "I still don't like it and I'm uncomfortable with this." Jamie didn't say a word and waited. He knew she would continue: "How would you like it if all of a sudden Barry called me and asked me to have coffee?"
She felt Jamie automatically stiffen. And she lifted her brow. "And I wasn't even engaged to Barry? We were only dating."
"Well I can answer the question two ways and I am. First, the thought of you seeing Barry makes me cringe. I hate it. And I would do everything in my power to stop it. Even go as far as to forbid it. Though I know that would get me nowhere. So, I do understand somewhat where you're coming from. Two, and keep this in mind, I am only presenting two scenarios: the second one is that I would counter with the fact that I was actually engaged to Sydney and I feel like I owe this to her as I told you a bit earlier. I want to tell her that I don't blame her anymore for leaving. That now I am in her camp – I agree with her leaving. That it was what was for the best. You don't owe Barry shit. So that's the difference in my book."
Eddie let go of the fact that she had told Jamie only minutes ago that she believed he owed Sydney nothing. "What if she wants you back?" Eddie asked. The question that truly was nagging her. What if she was coming around because after all this time she was regretting her decision to leave and was wondering if he was still single and available.
"Eddie…that's ridiculous." Jamie said, as he approached her and grabbed her by the waist inching her closer to him still.
"You remember when I first found out about her? I was so jealous that I told you that you were still hung up on her. Jamie…I wasn't joking. And why is her wanting you back ridiculous? It's not to me."
"Babe…I wasn't dating anyone then because I was already in love with you. I don't care if she wants me back. Which she won't. I only want you."
"Really?" Eddie asked, stunned. "You loved me then?" She had loved him then too. But was too afraid to tell him. And finding out that he had been engaged to someone else had killed her and enraged her.
"Yes. That's why things with Jen didn't end well. That's why I never saw her again after we had that talk at the bar and after I had dinner with her that night. That's why I wasn't dating anyone since then. I loved you. I love you and I will always love you."
"Can I be at the coffee house?" She said, as she slid her hands down his sides and around his waist squeezing gently. She already knew the answer but she wasn't going to lie, she really did want to be there. Observing. Protecting. Making sure her man was okay.
"What? Why?" Jamie asked, as he scrunched his face confused. "Like with me? You want to go?"
"Just want to make sure that she doesn't pounce on you. And no, not with you and her. At a table, in the back of the shop. Observing."
Jamie rolled his eyes. "No sweetheart. You know exactly where I'm going to be. I don't anticipate our coffee to be long. I don't want you to worry. I don't care what she has to say but I want her to say it. Then she'll be gone. And it will be like it never happened."
"Do you feel you need closure?"
Jamie thought about it and answered honestly: "I think that six years ago I would have said yes. But right now? No. I don't need closure. I am happy with the way my life turned out. And it turned out the way it did because she cut ties with me. As it should have been. I was just too stubborn to see it. You know me well and I hate failure. And her and I breaking up (he deliberately didn't say us) was a blemish in my otherwise perfect record." He finalized, as he smirked. He knew that would make her laugh.
Eddie chuckled as she rolled her eyes. "Oh brother. Mr. Perfect, are you?" She continued: "Do you think she needs closure then?" Eddie asked. Because of one thing she was sure of. If she had, had Jamie six years ago, she would have never let him go. And for the life of her, if she ever did leave, she would probably come crawling back.
"I don't know what she needs. But it's been six years so if she's reaching out it's for a reason." Jamie deadpanned. "I cannot imagine what it is. But I need to give her the opportunity to voice it. That way it's done. And it's over and we don't have to ever discuss it again."
"I guess." Eddie said, as she lifted herself on her tippy toes and gently kissed Jamie. Jamie in turn bent his head towards her and prolonged the kiss. "What was that for?" Jamie asked, as he winked at her.
"Oh, I want you to remember me when you go see her." Eddie said, as she shrugged her shoulders and turned towards the coffee pot, grabbing her mug from the counter and warming up her now cold coffee.
"You cannot tell me you're jealous." Jamie pointed out. "I have given you no reason to think that I want anyone that's not you. Not after what we've been through to get here. Babe…come on."
"How can you be so calm?" Eddie retorted. "I may be a bit jealous and I'm not going to deny it. I was jealous of Tara for goodness sakes! So, can you imagine with this one?" She exclaimed, her voice coming out louder than she wanted to. "Jamie…it's just so out of the blue." Eddie finalized, a tad bit calmer.
Jamie shrugged his shoulders. "I'll admit it was a shock to the system hearing her voice on the other end. But now that I have processed it. It's whatever. I have no feelings of love towards her. I can see her and not feel a thing. I am sure of that. Because of you. Do you not want me to go?"
Eddie closed her eyes and leaned her head against his chest. "I would be a terrible fiancé if I said I don't want you to go."
Jamie smiled and leaned in to kiss the top of her head. "No. But I really feel like I have to do this Eddie. And I know it may drive you insane and if you really are hell bent on it I will call her and cancel. But I do think that you understand that I need to do this."
"Ugh…I hate it that you know me so well."
"And you know me. That's why you're not going to push this and you're going to let me go through with this. Because deep inside you know you have nothing to worry about. Nobody and I mean nobody is going to make me love you less or leave you. We're in it for the long haul. You know that baby."
"I am going to let you go through with this." She said, as she lifted her head and stepped back. "I'm calling Erin. See if she wants to hang out with me while you go out on your date." With that she sauntered off with her coffee mug towards the bedroom.
She didn't even give Jamie a chance to respond. "It's not a date!" He screamed out. "I love you."
"Mmmm…hmmm." He heard her call back. He scrunched his face and rubbed one hand over his mouth. That could have gone a lot worse but it did not go well either. He wasn't kidding himself. Eddie was not happy and she was doing her best to keep her jealous streak at bay. He appreciated it. He truly did not know how to make her understand that it was not big deal. It actually surprised him as well. He just wanted to get it over with and come home to her. He was going to give her the space she wanted now. She had walked away from him efficiently ending the conversation. And now he was left with a bad feeling in his gut.
Jamko…Jamko…Jamko…Jamko
Jamie walked out of their bedroom – yes, theirs – because that's how he saw it now. They may not be living together permanently but they spent every night together. Either at his apartment or hers. After that debacle with Davis, they had agreed that even if they fought they would always come back to the same apartment. No hiding from one another anymore. So, for all intent and purposes everything in either apartment was considered theirs.
He saw Eddie sitting on the couch splitting her attention between the TV and her I-Pad. She looked so lovely in her comfy and warm clothes and for the most part, he just wanted to shred his jeans and jacket and stay here with her. But he couldn't. So, he approached her and sat beside her. "I'm heading out now."
"Kay…" she said, as she continued typing on her I-Pad and not looking up. Truth was she couldn't look up at him for fear that he would see her insecurities. She didn't want to be that girl. But if she looked up, she might crumble.
"Eddie…"
"Yep."
"Look at me."
Fuck it. She finally looked up - to look at him - at his request. As they locked eyes with one another he grabbed her left wrist and held it up. He then caressed her engagement ring. "You see this ring?" He asked, but didn't wait for an answer. "That's my promise to you. To be faithful to you. To love you till the day I die. And even after that I will love you. You are it for me Eddie. No one else." He took a deep breath and continued: "I am doing this. Please don't make me feel like an ass because I'm going to see her. Please."
Eddie's eyes filled with tears and she leaned in to him to hug him tightly. "I love you so much." She whispered into his ear. "I hate this. I hate feeling insecure. I hate it. But I can't seem to help it."
"I promise you…I'll make it up to you. I'll tell you everything we talked about. I won't withhold anything back. Remember there are no secrets between us anymore. We've had a lifetime of secrets before we got together on how we felt about one another. I just need you to be okay" He stopped his rant for a second and then continued on: "Are you going out with Erin?"
"She's actually on her way over with wine and vodka. We decided to stay in."
"Okay. Good. Did you tell her?"
"No. I just told her that you were going out and if she wanted to have a drink or two or twelve? She said why not stay in our pj's and catch up? I think she feels something is up but she didn't pry."
"You can tell her you know. Erin has known that I love you since probably your one-year anniversary on the job. I didn't admit it to her but she's good like that. She can read me like a book. I know you keep my confidences but this? You can tell her. And I'm sure you'll realize why I tell her everything. She gives great advice."
"You better go. You don't want to be late." Eddie said, as she separated from him.
He got up and leaned back in putting his hand under her chin and lifting her head up. "I love you." He said, as he bent down to kiss her hard. He slid his tongue into her mouth and sighed into the kiss. Both of his hands went to the sides of her face and as he pulled back he pecked her on the lips lightly one last time. "I'll be home before you know it."
Eddie just nodded her head and went back to her I-Pad. Jamie sighed out loud and stood up. He headed towards the door and as he opened it he turned back and said: "Always and forever Eddie." One last attempt to reassure her of what he was so sure of. His love and devotion to her.
Eddie felt that statement in her gut and she finally felt the truth of it. She turned to him as she flung the I-Pad onto the sofa, got up hastily and ran to him. She flung herself at him and he caught her easily enough. He helped her wrap her legs around his waist and he lifted his head slightly to meet her demanding lips on his as he pressed her back onto the wall. "Always and forever Jamie." She repeated. "Come home to me."
"You are my home babe. I'll come back time and time again, happily."
Jamko…Jamko…Jamko…Jamko
Jamie walked into the café a short time later. He had not wanted to leave Eddie. She seemed to be a mess and he somewhat understood it. The sole fact that Erin was going to be with her soon made him feel a lot better. He just wanted this meeting over with. As soon as that thought entered his mind, he saw Sydney walk in the door. She had not changed one bit. Her hair was still long and brunette, her shades were just the picture-perfect pair of a designer label that she probably just bought the fifth pair of. It was incredible. He felt nothing. Not one iota of sentiment. Not a pang in his gut. No remorse either. Simply nothing. After all they had been to each other it boiled down to them – quite literally – being strangers. He wondered if he wasn't actively searching for her at the café, would he have seen her or even recognized her.
One thing was for sure: whenever Eddie entered a room, he knew. Even if his back was to her, he would know the exact moment in which she would walk in. That's how in tune they were with each other. And he loved that about them. She could be across the room and he could see her and even feel her. He had never felt that with Sydney. It was true, they were in tune with one another when they were together and he had been happy with her. But it didn't compare to what he felt now or how he actually – physically – needed Eddie with him.
He finally saw when Sydney located him and recognized him and she waved and a smile covered her face as she went towards him. Jamie deliberately chose a table that was smack in the middle of the café – very little comfort and very little privacy. He was hoping that would expedite this meeting.
"Hey Jamie." Sydney said, a tad bit awkwardly.
Jamie got up from his chair and nodded his head. "Sydney, how are you?"
They both stood there not sure if they should shake hands or hug one another. Sydney chose for them when she inched towards him and patted him lightly on the back. He stood still and didn't move until she moved away from him. He did not reach out to her but he did smile at her as she pulled away. "Please sit."
"You certainly picked a table with a whole lot of traffic." Sydney pointed out, hoping Jamie would offer to move.
Jamie sat down hoping that she would follow suit. He was not moving.
Sydney did sit down and tried to not roll her eyes. Maybe this had not been a good idea. "So, how have you been?" She asked him as she took her sunglasses off and put her purse behind her.
"I am very well, thank you." Jamie said. "Yourself? Still living in London?" He hated small talk but apparently, he was going to have to engage in some stupid and menial small talk.
"Yes. I made partner. I am happy. I do come to visit every few months." She continued: "This time though I just felt the necessity to reach out. I honestly don't know why. But I wanted to see what your life was like." I wanted to see if you had moved on.
"Well I'm still with the NYPD and I made Sergeant not so long ago so it's a big promotion."
"That's great!" Sydney interrupted. "So, you're not thinking of ever going back to law? You can have it as a back-up plan."
Same old Sydney. "Law is not a part of my current life. Don't get me wrong – it serves me well and it helps with the job. But I will never practice law. It's not in my blood. I love what I do and I am good at it. I may never have the lifestyle of a lawyer but I live comfortably." He didn't know why but he remembered Eddie's mom with this conversation.
"I didn't mean to imply anything Jamie. I just was curious. You decided long ago what you wanted and I made my own decision because of it."
Good. They were getting to the point now. "Listen…I have had a lot of time to think about how our break up went down and you did the right thing by leaving. We were not meant to be. I accepted that years ago and I even – and this might sound crass – am happy that you pulled the plug."
"Wow." Sydney exclaimed. She didn't know that it would sting to hear him say it. She knew that she had done the right thing for her. But to hear it coming from him well that hurt – just a tad.
"I am not saying that at the time it didn't devastate me. It most certainly did but as time passed, I came to realize that I was not the guy you had gone out with, dated and subsequently got engaged to. You were not cut out to be a cop's wife and I didn't give you the option. I was wrong for that. I think that's the reason I said yes to this meeting. I felt like I owed it to you to tell you that I had been selfish for once in my life and I lost you in the process. But I had to do it. For me. I am where I want to be Sydney."
"I felt so guilty for breaking up our engagement." Sydney confessed. "I loved you but I wasn't happy with the way our relationship was going. You were keeping secrets. You were shutting me out and I didn't know what to do. And then putting yourself in danger day in and day out and not letting me have a voice in that regard, well that really cemented – for me at least – that you had decided to live the life you wanted regardless of what I thought."
"When I met you and even after, I was doing things in my life – making decisions – to make other people happy. And when Joe died I realized that I had to live for me. That I had to make myself happy."
"You weren't following Joe's footsteps?"
"Joe was my idol. I won't deny that and he helped me form who I am today but no…being a cop is for me."
"Are you truly happy? Without me?
Jamie finally fully smiled and said: "Yes. I am truly happy. I am engaged to a wonderful woman and while it took us a while to get it together, now that we are, we are both ecstatic and looking forward to the next chapter in our lives.
"You're engaged?" Sydney whispered.
"Yes."
"Wow." Sydney said. "I'm sorry. I am stunned – I don't know what to say. I didn't know what to expect when I saw you but this news, I didn't expect." She said, honestly.
"It's okay. It's not comfortable talking about – and it's especially awkward us talking about it - but you asked if I was happy and she's the main reason why I am." He didn't continue even though he could out of respect for her. "How about you?" He asked her.
"I'm single." She admitted. "Dated a lot but never have found the one to get serious with. I hope to someday – as you have done."
"Thank you. And I wish that for you as well. Happiness."
"What's her name?"
"Eddie." Jamie said, and smiled as her name passed through his lips.
"Wow. You light up at the mention of her."
Jamie smiled again and looked down. He most certainly did and he knew it.
"How did you guys meet?"
"She was my partner."
"You guys met at work? She's a cop?"
"Yes."
"So, I guess she understands what it's like to be one."
Jamie nodded his head and said: "Yes. But it's more than that. A lot more actually. She is my equal and sometimes I think my superior in a lot of ways. She brings out a side of me that I had forgotten I had. And sometimes she'll drive me crazy but I keep on coming back. She gets me Sydney and for that I just simply adore her."
Sydney took a deep breath and smiled. Yes. Indeed, this is what she needed. Closure. Jamie had moved on. She was nothing but his past and he seemed truly happy. She could let go of the guilt she felt and let go of that small – tiny – shred of hope she held on to. She didn't know why she did but he had closed their chapter and now so could she.
"Jamie…thank you." She said, honestly. "I needed this. I know it has been over seven years but this conversation I think needed to happen – for the both of us. I am glad you have found happiness in your calling and found love again. I honestly felt so guilty and now I think I can finally breathe and know – without a doubt – that us breaking up freed us both. I wish you the best with Eddie. A lifetime of happiness."
"Thank you." He said, and got up from his chair. "It was good to see you Sydney. And you're right I think we both needed this."
Sydney got up and lightly touched his arm. "Be happy Jamie."
"You too." Jamie uttered as he made his way to the door. It only occurred to him as he stepped out into the street that they had not even ordered coffee. Oh well. He was on his way home. He wanted to see Eddie and kick Erin out if she was still there so he could tell her what happened and she could finally breathe again. Well okay maybe not kick Erin out immediately. He'd let her stay for dinner but after she was out. Because all he wanted to do was spend time and make love with his beautiful fiancé.
He got his phone out and sent a quick text: On my way home. Meeting over. I love you. I will tell you all about it in a bit. Thank you for letting me do this. I didn't need closure but she may have.
Jamko…Jamko…Jamko…Jamko
"Okay sister in law – I'm not going to bother with the word future before that term – because to me you are already family." Erin said, as she handed Eddie her first glass of wine. "Spill."
"What do you mean?" Eddie said.
"You let me serve myself wine at your apartment. Normally you are the perfect hostess. Even though I tell you all the time that I can serve myself you insist. Today you didn't even get off the couch. I want to know what's on your mind. You're preoccupied and worried about something. Is it the wedding?"
Eddie didn't even deny it. "No. Guess who called Jamie this morning?"
Erin looked at Eddie and shrugged her shoulders. It had to be someone big because it was eating at Eddie.
"Sydney." Eddie spat out and semi rolled her eyes. She couldn't help it.
Erin almost spit out her wine. "Wait. What? Who?"
"Sydney." Eddie repeated. "And I am freaking out."
"What did she want?" Erin asked, truly confused. She had not thought of Sydney in a long time. For her as soon as she left her brother she became irrelevant in their lives. And for her to rear her ugly head now? Well that was fucking ridiculous.
"To see him and he's over there now. With her. And I'm FREAKING out."
Erin smiled and sat next to her on the couch. "Eddie…I will tell you one thing. I have never seen my brother happier than I have seen him with you. Not even with her. And I'll be honest. We respected her and got along with her because she was Jamie's fiancé back then. But trust me when I tell you that I speak for the whole family: we all believe that you are the best choice for Jamie. The way he looks at you? The way he laughs when you're around and even when you're not. You bring that out in him. We love you Eddie. All of us. And it's not only because you're great and fun and you fit right into our crazy family. It's because you made Jamie, well Jamie again. We have had so much loss and so much sadness. Seeing the light back in my little brother's eyes makes me immensely happy and immensely indebted to you."
"Erin, I love him so much. I know he loves me but man oh man. I think letting him go has been the hardest thing I've had to do."
"I know you love him. And I knew it even before you guys got together. I knew since the first-year you guys were riding together. You both were just so stubborn in admitting it. And I understand that you are panicking but you have nothing to worry about. My brother adores you."
"I wanted to be with your brother for forever. He just wouldn't admit it – that he also had feelings for me. Our partnership was important to him. I just loved him and having him in the RMP is what I had to work with. So, I took it. I may have been stubborn the first year but after that I was all in and waiting for him to come around."
Eddie felt her phone ding on the table and she picked it up: On my way home. Meeting over. I love you. I will tell you all about it in a bit. Thank you for letting me do this. I didn't need closure but she may have. Eddie smiled and looked at Erin. "Their meeting is over. He says he's on his way home."
"See? He wanted you to know exactly when they were finished. He didn't want you overthinking stuff. He only loves you Eddie."
"That's what he says." Eddie replied and sighed heavily. A huge weight had been lifted from her shoulders. But not until she saw him walk in the door and could gauge his face would she truly be able to breathe. He couldn't hide what he was feeling from her anymore.
"Okay!" Eddie suddenly exclaimed, getting up from the couch and heading towards the kitchen. "Shall we order Chinese, Thai, Vietnamese or a pizza. I'm starving!"
Erin shook her head and chuckled. She was back to being the perfect hostess.
Eddie continued; "Let me pour you more wine. And I think I have some cheese and crackers and some honey roasted cashews. That'll hold us over until the food gets here and Jamie."
"Pizza sounds great actually. But maybe I should start heading out so you and Jamie can talk once he gets here."
"Don't be ridiculous!" Eddie said, as she rubbed her shoulder. "Jamie will probably tell you anyway. And now that I've confided in you, you have to deal with both of our issues so we may as well start now. Please, stay for dinner. The least I can do is feed you for helping me not jump off the ledge."
"I'll always be here for you." Erin said, as she closed the distance between them and hugged her. "We're sisters. And I am so glad that I can finally get to call you that. Secretly I've wanted to for years."
"Me too." Eddie said and continued: "I don't have siblings and being an only child, and sometimes a neglected one at that, it's so wonderful to be able to love all of you guys, not just Jamie. I mean I feel so blessed." Eddie said, as tears came to her eyes. It was the God to honest truth.
"Oh Eddie…" Erin whispered as her eyes also filled with tears and she hugged Eddie tightly. "I know we've all said this at one point but welcome to our family. We may be crazy at times, intense almost always, but no one else will love you or protect you as much as we will."
They both chuckled at that and didn't heart Jamie walk in. As Jamie turned towards them he scrunched up his face in concern for a moment before he smiled when he saw the expression on Erin's face. She was crying but smiling at the same time. What were they talking about?
"Hey you two…" he called out as he made his way to them. "Why are two of my three favorite girls crying?"
Both Eddie and Erin pulled apart and wiped their tears. "Hey…" Eddie whispered back to him as she saw him approach her and bend down to sweetly kiss her lips. It surprised her. He didn't even hesitate to do it in front of Erin. He then turned to Erin and without letting Eddie go he leaned over to kiss her on her cheek. "What's going on?"
"Nothing…" Erin said, immediately. "Sister bonding moment."
"Hey…" Eddie says suddenly as she further leaned into Jamie. "Two of your favorite three girls? It better not be Sydney…the third girl that's your favorite." She stated, as she lightly punched him in the shoulder.
Jamie and Erin both laughed and Jamie leaned down one more time to kiss her. "Nikki."
"Oh." Eddie said, sheepishly. "Sorry…"
"It's okay." Erin said. "I would be a bit off too if my fiancé went to see an ex-fiancé."
Jamie turned to look at Erin and gave her a dirty look. "Thanks sis." He said, as he let go of her and turned to Eddie. "Don't tell me you worried all this time. Babe I sent you a text a while ago. Nothing happened. It was fine. She saw me. She said her piece and it's done."
"What did she say? What did she want?" Eddie asked.
"Not much really. She asked me if I was happy. It was awkward – so awkward. I told her I was engaged and in love with my partner. She was surprised. Then shortly after she left. It wasn't more than 15 minutes."
"She didn't want you back?" Eddie asked.
"No." He said, but continued honestly. "She asked me if I ever had any intention of going back to law. I told her no. She let it go."
Erin laughed. "Same ole' passive aggressive Sydney. Wait till Nikki finds out she reached out. She's going to rip you a new one for going."
"Wait. Why?" Eddie asked.
"Oh, Nikki has always been very protective of her Uncle Jamie. And while she may have been young, Nikki remembers Sydney well and she remembers that she wasn't her favorite person even while they were engaged. But when her and Jamie broke up, seeing her Uncle Jamie sad, well that enraged her. She has let's just say some animosity towards her. But…after you came along – and even before you two were engaged – Nikki was rooting for the two of you. Her knowing that she made a reappearance is not going to go over smoothly. She is very much #teameddie. And just the thought of her interfering between the two of you. Watch out! If Sydney doesn't leave for London soon, Nikki may very well go and kick her ass."
"I knew I loved that girl for a reason." Eddie said, as she made her way to the living room. "Come on over guys. Let's take a seat while we wait for the pizza to get here. Babe, I invited Erin to stay over for dinner."
"That's great!" Jamie said, as he side hugged his sister. "You're always welcome here."
"She actually wanted to leave because she thought we may want to talk in private."
"She'd have found out anyway."
"Exactly what I said." Eddie said, as she winked her eye at Erin. She was finally feeling better about this situation and was ecstatic that it was over. They would go in depth into what happened at the coffee shop – her and Jamie - but for now she was happy to know that her fiancé was home and she had him all to herself again.
They both joined Eddie in the living room and she got up and served Jamie a cup of wine and came to refill Erin's glass and hers. "So, Erin…enough of me being sad and bummed about Sydney. It's over…tell us what's up in your life?"
"Well…" she began…
Jamko…Jamko…Jamko…Jamko
After Jamie walked Erin to the door he came and sat next to Eddie and pulled her towards him. "Are you okay for real?"
Eddie smiled at him. "Yes. I am okay for real. It was not a good day. It was hard and I was freaking out but you and Erin calmed me down. I just sometimes feel that this…between us is so perfect and nothing or anyone can come between us and then poof! Sydney out of the blue pops up."
"Nothing and no one can ever tear us apart Eddie. You need to trust that. I would have never reached out to her but she did to me. And I accommodated her and she said her piece and now it's done and she truly has no reason to ever reach out to me again."
"She wanted you back didn't she? Or at least gauge the temperature. See how you would react to her? She asked you if you would return to law because that's what she wants and she envisions that you would go back to the life you and her had formed."
"Whoa. It seems you're getting ahead of yourself there babe. I don't know what she wanted. She did ask me about returning to law and I did see some nostalgia on her part. But Eddie on my part? There was nothing and she saw that too. I love you and I want to be with you. I have formed a life that includes you in every aspect of my life. At work and outside of work. You are everywhere I am and I want it that way and I am going to fight to keep it that way. I just hope that I don't have to spend the rest of my life trying to convince you of that."
"You won't. And you know for a fact I was fine. You had no displays of jealousy or insecurity from me up until today. But you have to admit that it was warranted."
Jamie nodded his head. "Can we please go back to forgetting about her? Can we move forward with you and me? Can we please concentrate on us?"
"I love you Jameson Reagan." Eddie said, as she kissed him and straddled his lap suddenly. "You, ae mine. As of today, I claim you as my own."
'I thought you did that years ago."
"Well yes…but it's official now."
"Whatever you say Mrs. Reagan."
"That definitely has a nice ring to it."
"I love you."
"I love you Jamie."
Jamko…Jamko…Jamko…Jamko