One Shots
Installment 9
This installment is strictly on the preview that came out on 1/10/19. I am not happy with it and it seems that while I am stuck with no inspiration for my other fan fictions, when I am mad, I feel like writing an angsty fiction. So, two things: one – this fan fiction has spoilers from the preview when Jamie and Eddie are at a prospective venue for their wedding. And two, I am not sure that I want it to be happy or have a happy ending so be forewarned. I may change my mind but I only go where my head and typing takes me. I am treating it as a One Shot for now but may deviate endings on this particular story, add on to it and make multi chapter or just end it. Not sure.
Also, keep in mind that this is just a preview and they may end up making up at that same scene or at the end of the scene and I hope that happens. So, I guess this fan fiction will be set like the preview but take a life of its own since I am not sure what is going to happen on Friday.
I own nothing, I just love Jamko and when they piss me off…well this happens!
Jamko…Jamko…Jamko…Jamko
A brunch? Did Jamie really say that to her out loud? A damn brunch? After everything they've been through. After years of unrequited love, or requited love, but keeping it to themselves. It hit her in the gut and it hurt. That Jamie would think so little of their big day. It was their wedding. The day they told everyone they held dear and loved that they were one. That they were husband and wife. She wanted no more secrets. She felt that their whole relationship, before getting together, before getting engaged and even after their engagement was all a secret and she was done. She didn't care anymore about the repercussions at work. She just wanted it over. But Jamie? Jamie seemed to dig his heels in more the more time transpired. It was as if he wanted to keep them secret still and just let their families know. After all this sneaking around, she was going to develop a complex. That he was embarrassed of her or worse yet that he was regretting proposing.
They didn't have a normal relationship from the get go. They jumped into an engagement immediately and they had not dated. She always thought that it wasn't necessary because the five years that they spent in the RMP was their dating per se. But now? Did he even know her? Before she would have put her hands in the fire stating that Jamie was the one person that knew her inside and out. But a brunch? Calling their wedding day, a waste? She didn't know that to do. All she knew was that she needed to get out of there. She looked at the event manager and smiled: "My fiancé will be back in a few seconds. I have to run. Something came up. But thank you so much for taking the time to let us see the venue. It is gorgeous and we will be in touch."
The event manager knew better than to say a word and smiled. "I look forward to hearing from you both. Hope all is okay."
"It is. Thanks." She quickly grabbed her coat and purse and headed towards the escalator. She wanted out of here. She didn't want to talk to Jamie right now and he deserved her leaving. He had been a jackass, an insensitive one at that. And truth be told she had a lot of thinking to do. This feeling – bad feeling – in the pit of her stomach was growing bigger and bigger and the knots harder and harder. Things were not perfect between them. She had known that for a while but this change in him? Without any warning? It unnerved her. She had no doubt that she wanted to marry him. She just wasn't sure anymore if he wanted to marry her. She wasn't stupid. Jamie was very closed off when it came to his emotions. He didn't wear them on his sleeve like she did, but lately? She felt a distance in him that scared her a bit. And at first she brushed it off at possibly having a few issues at work that stressed him out and had him a bit distant. But this? This was about them? About how different they were and about how lately she felt that the only one in this relationship was her. The only one giving a damn was her.
Her eyes filled with tears but she refused to let them flow. She didn't want anyone to see her crying. She was strong. And she would be strong come what may. She made it out the doors of the venue and thankfully quickly hailed a cab.
"Where to?"
"Would you mind just driving?" Eddie stated. "I'll pay. And once I know where the hell I'm going I'll let you know."
The cab driver looked at her and smiled genuinely. "No problem miss. You just let me know."
Jamko…Jamko…Jamko…Jamko
Jamie looked at his watch one more time. It has been over five minutes since Eddie had walked away from him. Where was she? He knew – as soon as the words flew out of his mouth – that he had fucked up. What was wrong with him? Why? Why had he said that? Why was he being such a jackass? What he said had come out all wrong.
He saw when the event manager came towards him and offered him a small smile. "Oh. You're still here? I guess you wanted to see the skyline, envisioning how beautiful it could be on your wedding day?"
Jamie nodded his head truly confused at the situation but not wanting to make a fool of himself. As a cop he knew if he stayed quiet, it would almost inevitably make the other person continue to talk.
"I'm just saying since I saw your fiancé leave and hail a cab."
Oh.
Jamie smiled as he walked to the same table that Eddie had placed her coat and purse and looked at the event manager – who for the life of him right now could not remember her name. And he didn't care. Right now, he needed to find Eddie. He fucked up more than he had thought. He turned to the woman and said: "Thank you for your time. We will be in touch."
He made his way to the outside of the building his cell phone in his hand and sped dialed 1 – Eddie's number. It rang once, twice and straight to voicemail. She had declined his call. Shit. Had what he said really sound unreasonable? Was he being overly dense? What was going on? He sped dialed her number again and the same thing happened. Straight to voicemail. He knew that Eddie would never shut off her cell phone. It was the cop in them. Third time is the charm, he thought to himself and re-dialed. Voicemail. Okay, so voicemail it was: "Eddie…come on. You have to pick up the phone. You need to tell me what I did so I can fix it. Call me back, please."
He got into the Chevelle and sighed out loud. He gripped the steering wheel and then punched it. He had this bad feeling in his gut and all his insecurities were coming to the forefront. He hadn't been fighting much with Eddie lately but they hadn't been doing much of anything lately, except have sex. There were no issues there. And why should there be? They waited five years so regardless of disagreements or fights or misunderstandings, at night they came together and all was forgotten. It just seemed that everywhere else they were not communicating and masking it with pretending all was okay. And it was starting to feel eerily familiar to Sydney and him and their breakup. And if he lost Eddie? He would be lost. He was the common denominator in this scenario. Losing Sydney well that had been rough there was no denying that. But Eddie? Eddie was everything. He couldn't live without her. He couldn't breathe without her. And something in his gut was telling him that if he didn't fix this, he was running the risk of losing her. No. No. That was just his fear talking. Right?
It was crazy to think how happy and giddy Eddie had woken up this morning. He had as well. And then after his talk with Officer Long, it just made sense to not spend that much money on a wedding. To start their future with money in the bank, the option to buy something bigger and the savings to be able to raise a family. That was practical. He was practical. But she wasn't. No, she was but this was the most important day of their life – their wedding – and she deserved to be a little impractical there. He closed his eyes and took his phone out again and saw that no phone call had come through. He opened the text message icon: "Eddie please. Where are you? You can't just leave. I need to know where you are. We need to talk."
That damn golf ball at the pit of his stomach had just grown to a football.
Jamko…Jamko…Jamko…Jamko
Eddie heard Jamie's voicemail and read his subsequent text. She was not calling him. Let him stew in his worry about how much he fucked up. She wasn't calling him. "You can drop me off here." Eddie stated. Elsa was as good a bar as any right now. Besides, at this time? It had a reputation of being a quiet bar and all she wanted was a drink - by herself - and to finally sort all of her thoughts. The ones that honestly, she had been suppressing for a while. The ones that she didn't bring out to the light – even to herself – for fear of what it may bring if she ran with the thoughts and gave herself a stern lecture on what the fuck was going on with her.
Eddie walked in and had to smile to herself. Two people only. Great. "What can I get you?" She heard the bartender say as he smiled at her. She sat down on a bar stool and answered: "Tito's vodka with club soda and a lemon."
"Coming right up."
"Thanks."
She pondered for a few seconds if she should at least reply to Jamie and let him know where she was. But she quickly discarded that notion and took a sip of her drink.
She couldn't pinpoint a time where things had gone haywire with Jamie. Actually, she didn't think things were that bad with Jamie, with the exception of his being distant all of a sudden. She understood the work thing to an extent but they had been engaged for almost half a year and they still were not out. Why? What was the big deal? If she was honest with herself she did wonder if they would be married and still have their marriage under-wraps. Was this why he wanted to have a brunch and get married at the courthouse? So, no one at work could find out. Well Maya sure as hell had figured it out. She hated lying and it seemed that's all they were doing lately.
"Can I have another?" she asked the bartender.
He went to her and smiled. "That was fast. All okay?"
Eddie looked at him and smiled. "Life. You know. I just want to do a bit of soul searching and figure out my life."
"Well your husband is one lucky guy."
"He's my fiancé but thanks."
"I'll get that drink for you."
Jamko…Jamko…Jamko…Jamko
Jamie walked into his apartment hoping that Eddie would be there. He had gone to her condo first. After their fight at the diner she had told him she was going to her house. When he let himself in, everything was untouched and there was no trace of her. He immediately exited her condo and made his way to his place. If she was there, maybe she wasn't as mad as he thought she was. And to be honest with himself, it didn't even seem she was mad. Her face said, she was hurt. But he had been thinking about their conversation and he had called their actual wedding day a waste. He outwardly flinched as he remembered that. "Fuck." He said out loud.
He could of course talk to Erin and see what she thought but he needed someone less politically correct. He needed his ass kicked. He knew it and the one to do that was Danny. He picked up the phone and dialed.
"Hello?" Danny said, as he muted the TV.
"I fucked up and I need your advice."
"Okaaaayyyy…" Danny said, as he got up off the couch. "You're not calling Erin?"
"No, this fuck up needs no politically correct bullshit. I fucked up royally."
"Come on over Jamie." Danny said. "Listen you have me a bit worried here." He stated and then laughed: "What? Is the wedding off?" Danny finalized, with a big laugh.
When he didn't hear Jamie laugh back he stopped. "Jamie?"
"I don't know."
"What?!" Danny screamed. "Are you at home?"
"Yep." Jamie said, as he finally felt some semblance of pain in admitting to his brother that he did not know where his engagement was at.
"Don't leave! Don't do anything stupid. I'll be there in 20. Sooner if I put on my lights. Which I fucking will."
Danny then hangs up and grabs his jacket and speeds out the door. "What the fuck did you do baby brother? Sometimes you're too into you head and you need help getting out of it. Jesus Christ." He says to himself.
Jamko…Jamko…Jamko…Jamko
J – It's been hours babe. Hours. At least let me know that you're ok. I'm beside myself with worry. Eddie please. Call me.
Minutes seemed days to Jamie, years if he was honest. Not knowing a thing about Eddie was scaring the shit out of him. He knew in his gut she wasn't hurt. He would know that. That's how in tune they were with one another but her not replying to his texts or calls? This got more serious as the minutes went by and he was starting to freak out. He felt he was about to hyperventilate. Fuck. At this point he would pay the 100K for the wedding, apologize and tell her he loved and adored her and he would do whatever she wanted. But in truth he knew that's not what she wanted to hear. She wanted something from him – something he hadn't been giving her and while he had an inkling that it was his undivided attention. He knew deep in his gut that it was more than that. He was lacking in something in their relationship and he needed to figure out what it was. Before he lost her. If he hadn't already lost her.
"Let me in kid!" He heard Danny yell from the door.
He automatically got up. "I ran here but didn't forget to bring all the beer I had in my fridge cause I have a feeling we're gonna need it. What the hell happened kid?"
Jamie went into the whole story without stopping, without drinking and leaving anything out. Once he was done he finally opened his beer and took a large swig of it and nodded his head. "Well?"
Danny looked at him dazed for a few seconds and then swallowed and took another swig. "You said brunch? Brunch?!"
"Yep."
"What the fuck is wrong with you kid? Oh my God. I mean come on! Eddie is spilling all her energy into this wedding and you come out with it's a waste of a day. A waste of a day? Your wedding day! I mean Jamie tell me right now bro, do you want to marry her or are you regretting proposing?"
"Of course, I want to marry her!" Jamie yelled out. "I love her more than I love myself. She is fucking everything to me."
"Doesn't seem like it." Danny pointed out. "Truth?"
Jamie nodded.
"What are you afraid of Jamie? Why is it so hard for you to be happy? To feel happy? To let yourself just glow in the fact that you finally got the girl. You've wanted the girl for years and now that you have her you're pushing her away. I don't get it. I know you love her bro. I know you do and so does she. But this whole lying about who she is. Not telling anyone - only the family – and maybe a few good friends has to weigh on her. If I had pulled that shit with Linda she would have left me."
"It's different."
"Why?"
"Because we're both cops. Because we work in the same precinct. Because I'm her boss. There's a thousand reasons."
"Bullshit. It's all bullshit. How about you tell me the truth?"
"What truth?" Jamie asked defensively. "That is the truth."
"And I say it's bullshit!" Danny yelled right back. You forget that I have known you your whole life. You may have the smarts but I know you Jameson Reagan and I know when you're bullshitting me and when you're bullshitting yourself. So, get it together Jamie and try again! What the fuck is the matter?! Cause if you don't, brother, you're going to lose her. And I'll be honest, I was sad for you with Sydney but I always wanted and knew you'd do better. You let Eddie go and there is no one better. She's the one Jamie. And you're completely fucking it up. You won't bounce back from this one."
"I know! All right?! I know!" He said, as he flung the empty bottle of beer in to the sink. He felt his eyes start to fill with tears and his throat close up. He wouldn't cry. He wouldn't in front of Danny.
"Talk to me Jamie." Danny said, as he put his hand on his shoulder and said it a bit more gently: "Please talk to me. Is it really the money? I mean I don't have much but I will help you out."
"It's not the money."
"Then what is it?"
"Lately I've been second guessing everything that I've done career wise. And then it gets better and then something else happens. And then I doubt again."
"So now you're doubting your engagement?"
"NO!" Jamie said, immediately. "That's the one thing I am sure of." He acknowledged. "But I don't know Danny. I really only meant that maybe we should think to the future and the way I said it came out wrong and that saving money for me has been what I do. What I've always done. That I don't need anything extravagant I just want her."
"So, tell her that."
"But I think…" Jamie started as his breath caught in his throat. "I think this has opened up a Pandora's box for her. And she may be the one calling it off. And I started thinking about how things went south quick with Sydney and I never thought that things would go down with Eddie but here we are. And I don't know what to do. I called her like a dozen times and I get voicemails and I've texted her and no reply. I don't know what to do."
"That sister in law of mine – and I'm not saying future – cause in my book she already is full blown sister in law, she waited for you five years Jamie. She loves you. You just need to tell her what you're feeling and ask her what she thinks you're lacking. Or what the problem is and fix it."
"Did you ever go through this with Linda?"
"God yes! Have you fucking met me?"
Jamie finally smiled.
"Hold on." He heard Danny say as he picked up his phone. "Did you know that your wife made it to my number 8 on my speed dial list? You gotta marry her now." In spite of his pain, Jamie rolled his eyes and half smiled.
Eddie heard her cell phone and semi-smiled. She was already on her way to Jamie's in a cab. "Hello?"
"Well hello there sis in law! Glad you picked up for me. Can you please give me your location?"
Jamie automatically got close to Danny hearing that she had picked up his call. Danny rolled his eyes and put it on speaker phone. "I am heading to Jamie's now."
"Thought this was both of your place." Danny pointed out. "In a marriage you share everything."
"Tell Jamie not to worry. I'll be there soon. Cause I assume you're there with him since you put me on speaker phone."
"You're gonna make a great detective sis! Love you. Bye!"
He hung up before Jamie could get a word in. "I didn't want you talking to her before she got here. You guys need to hash this out and you need to make her feel special Jamie. I think you really hurt her with your comments even though you didn't mean it that way. I'm gonna go cause three's a crowd when you guys need to talk. Keep me posted."
"Thanks Danny." Jamie said, as he hugged his brother. "I can't believe she picked up for you."
"We're family. And she's not mad at me. She's mad at you."
Jamie nodded his head as he walked Danny to the door. "Thanks for talking me off the ledge."
"You'll get it together. You love her too much to give up."
"You're right about that brother."
Jamko…Jamko…Jamko…Jamko
Jamie heard Eddie put her key in the door and simultaneously tensed up and breathed a sigh of relief. He got up off the couch and turned towards the door watching her come in. She looked so lovely in her dress. And he was so head over heels in love with her he didn't know what to do with himself. A sigh of relief escaped him. He had really wondered if he would ever see her walk in that door again. That is how scared he was.
Eddie turned up to look at him as she put her purse down and took her coat off. "Sorry I walked out on you."
"Where did you go?" Jamie asked, not sure if he had the right to ask that but he wanted to know.
"Went for a few drinks. Had to think about some stuff."
"What stuff?" Jamie said.
"You. Me. Us. Is there an us? What the hell we're even doing anymore."
Jamie sprang into action and headed towards her. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. What I said came out wrong. So wrong."
Eddie pulled back from him just a bit and that stopped him cold. "Really? You didn't mean that our wedding day would be a wasted day."
"No!" Jamie said, as he tried to approach her again and she backed away. "I was just trying to say that with some of the money we could use it to buy a house. I was in no way saying that the day would be a waste."
And then he saw it. The tears in her eyes. And he heard the pain in her voice. And then his heart simultaneously froze and broke into a million pieces as she looked down at her left hand, palm up and with her right hand started sliding the ring off of her left ring finger. The ring that he had put on her all those months ago with so much hope and love in his face and in his heart.
He heard his voice crack and felt the tears slide down his cheeks, as he uttered: "Please. Don't. Don't do it Eddie. I love you babe. Please don't do this."
Eddie finally approached him as tears ran down her own face. "I love you Jamie. More than my own life but I can't do this if you're not here with me. If you don't want to be here with me." She finalized as she reached for his hand.
Jamie automatically snatched his hand away and balled it up into a fist. "No. You are not giving me the ring back Eddie. No."
"Jamie…" Eddie started. "Do you even want to marry me? Truly? Or is it just because you already gave me your word?" she asked, as she made her way to the kitchen counter and laid her engagement ring there. She never really thought she would take it off unless she was on duty. "Because if that's the case. I release you from your obligation."
Jamie had enough. "Stop it." He said, as he wrapped his arms around her waist and turned her around, seeing her tears flow freely; as well as feeling his go down his cheeks. "I love you. I don't want to lose you. I don't know how this got to this point but I know it's not only what I said at the venue. It's something else. Tell me what it is. We can figure it out."
Eddie tried to break free but Jamie apparently tonight was a force of nature. He was not letting go of her. "It's been months Jamie. Months. And I'm still in the shadows at work. Defending you but people not knowing why. Getting accused by my partner of fucking you but not having a relationship with you. Having the same gossip that we had at the 1-2 start at the 2-9. As always, I am your whore."
Jamie flinched at that but still didn't let her go. "Eddie…you were never nor will you ever be that. You're going to be my wife."
"Am I?"
"What do you mean?"
"Am I going to be your wife just for the Reagan's and the Janko's or is brunch going to include at least Spencer and Hailey?"
"Are you mad that we're not out – we agreed."
"No Jamie! You agreed. The same way you agreed that we would continue riding together making it so difficult with your dad when I told you I only wanted you and what did I get then? A shrug of your shoulders. The same way that at the 2-9 I've been wanting for weeks, if not months, to come clean at least with Maya and I still haven't because you don't want to."
"It will be difficult and you will be the target not me. I'm trying to protect you." Jamie answered, honestly.
"Are you? Or are you ashamed of me? Or are you embarrassed to have your future wife under you not only in bed but also at work?"
Jamie felt like he had been slapped in the face. That one hurt him maybe more than anything she had ever told him before. "I am not embarrassed of you. That is not true. That couldn't be farther from the truth."
"Really? Cause I remember the first time I went to visit you at the 2-9 you were closing blinds and mad that I went to see you and deliberately trying to get rid of me. And then at the scene where you were almost shot and I went to you, you really put some distance there. And I got it – cause fuck, we're not out so why the hell should an officer who is your subordinate be so concerned about her superior unless they're fucking. And we come full circle Jamie."
Jamie was about to answer but Eddie interrupted him: "And if you're about to tell me that it was a mistake to come to the 2-9 please spare me. Cause I've heard it and it's a bunch of bullshit and whether I'm there or not or whether I am under your command or not, it won't change a thing. It's not the precinct Jamie, it's you and me. And what I am lacking I guess."
Jamie pushed them back because he was not letting go of her and grabbed the ring. "I love you Eddie. More than you'll ever know. And I know I've fucked up. And I know that I have gone about things all wrong apparently and I am so sorry for that but you and me? That's real. You and me? We're real and if you're telling me I am making you feel that you're lacking then I am the one who's lacking because you are it for me. Everything. And I am not going to let you go. I am not going to allow you to walk away from me. You belong with me. And it's not some macho psycho- babble bullshit. You are mine. And I am yours and I want you in my life forever. And I'm sorry I've been a jackass and I'm sorry I've been insensitive and not cognizant of your feelings but I promise all of that is going to change."
"Jamie please let me go."
"No."
"Jamie…please."
"Eddie…please. I don't want this ring off of your finger. I want to marry you. I want to be your husband and I want to have children with you. And I want you to be by my side for the rest of our lives. Please, Eddie, please. What can I do?"
And there it was. The question she had wanted to hear. The only thing she would respond to. A genuine and heartfelt 'what can I do'.
"Jamie, I need you to talk to me. I need you to hear me. I need you to heed my advice and not tell me that you don't want to hear it. I need you to let me in. I am not going to hurt you. I want to love you and spend the rest of my life with you. I am not Sydney. I am staying but you need to let me in. You need to let me love you and you need to trust me. To trust that we can accomplish anything together. And that I am the one that is going to back you up – always and forever. I need you to love me unconditionally as I love you. And if I fuck up tell me. But don't berate me, or put distance between us or make me second guess what I have done. I love you. But I can't do this and I won't do this if things are going to continue the way they are. I will walk away right now if you can't promise me that."
"I promise you with my whole heart that I will do that. I will try and if I fail you tell me instead of letting it fester inside of you till now. I never want to have this ring between my fingers again. This ring is my token of love and devotion to you. So please Eddie, please, please honey, I need to ask you: will you marry me?"
Eddie choked down a sob and failed miserably. "Yes. Yes. I'll marry you Jamie." She said, as Jamie slid the ring where it should have been. Even her not having it for five minutes felt like an eternity for the both of them.
Jamie leaned down and kissed her hard as both of them felt their tears mingle into one another's. "I love you so much." They both said at the same time and laughed as they came towards each other once again and kissed passionately.
Jamko…Jamko…Jamko…Jamko