I'm currently staying at a place with a good Internet connection, so I decided to post the next chapter today.

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Chapter 27: Monday, 5 days until initiation

Tobias

I wake up lying on my stomach, with a warm palm running up and down my back under my shirt. She is still here. Oh Tris.

I turn my head around, so I can look at her and I'm overwhelmed by the gentleness and love that she's watching me with.

"Morning," she whispers, the smallest smile playing on her lips as our eyes meet, and then it's gone again.

"Morning," I say silently, trying out my voice.

"You fell asleep."

"Yeah, finally."

She keeps stroking my back with her palm, reassuring me of her support. I know that she must feel all of my scars under her hand, without us kissing to distract her from the pattern on my skin. It's difficult to bear that she might be thinking about all the pain Marcus ever has inflicted on me right now, to accept that she does not only know about it, but willingly wants to caress my back despite it, as if she could mend the traces those injuries left on me with her loving touch.

Maybe she can.

Her patience makes me want to fill the silence with words, to confide in her, to explain myself, to tell her what's going on, today, when yesterday I couldn't.

"Can you come over again tonight? I... I need, want, to talk to you."

"Of course I will. What time?"

"I'd say around eight, after dinner. I'm sorry I don't have time earlier. I wish we could stay in bed together, just to talk right away. But I have to arrange meeting Eric, and before that I should talk to Lauren. And then there are the simulations and training."

I sigh. It's really going to be a long day.

"Yes, the Dauntless duties... So then I'll be here at eight."

I'm relieved that she agrees to coming over.

"Tobias," she says hesitantly, "are we okay? I mean, this is not about us, is it?"

"Oh no, Tris, no, no, it's not. I'm sorry I wasn't able to speak about it last night, but rest assured that we are fine, you and me. There's nothing that you have to worry about. I feel closer to you every day."

I sit up and pull her into a tight embrace as I kiss her desperately, and she kisses me back just as feverishly. We press our lips together so firmly it almost hurts, our hands running over whatever part of each other's body they can reach. There are no words to express what I feel for her right now, how much she means to me.

We break the kiss when we both run out of air, and I cup her face in my hands. "I'll tell you, tonight. Just right now, there's not enough time, and I need to focus on the tasks ahead, or I won't be able to get them done."

"Do you feel alright? I mean, to face the day? Maybe Lauren could take over training."

"I'm thankful that you care for me like that, but I think I'll manage."

"It's natural that I care. You can rely on me, Tobias. You can trust me with whatever it is that happened to you yesterday."

"I will. I do."

"Okay, then I guess I'll see you in the simulation room."

I swallow. I hope she doesn't have a sim in which she's afraid of me in any way today. I don't know if I could bear it on top of everything else. But I don't say it out loud. I don't want to add any more pressure on her shoulders. She's helping me so much already, although she probably doesn't realize the amount of her support.

"I'll be waiting there for you."

XXX

"Lauren, good morning," I say as I take the seat opposite her in the cafeteria, carefully putting down the tray with my breakfast on the table.

She looks up, smiling. Unlike me, she's a morning person. Really, perhaps she's an anytime person, because no matter what time of the day, she's almost always in a good mood. There's not much that can take it away from her. I can't help smiling back, although I don't feel much like it.

She seems to catch that my smile doesn't reach my eyes.

"Hey, what's wrong? You look, I don't know, kind of exhausted. Bad dreams?"

Well, I didn't think it was that obvious. Or maybe we have already spent so much time together both at work and during our free time that she knows me quite well despite my reservedness. I decide to use her assumption to get straight to the point, now that she's brought it up herself.

"Yes, it was very... explicit." I lower my voice so nobody but Lauren can hear me. "You know, with watching the initiate's fears all the time, my own seem to come back more often recently in my dreams."

"Oh, and I thought it was just me. I'm so glad when this is over next week, I can't stand it any longer. They have horrible fears, some of them, involving all kinds of dark scenarios. It gives me the creeps just from watching it."

I raise my eyebrows. Lauren, the good-natured Lauren, haunted by the initiate's fears at night?

"What, you can't be that surprised," she says. "When you spend half your waking hours confronted with fear simulations, it's kind of unavoidable that your mind replays them in your sleep. It's basic psychology."

"Well, I just thought... You're always so easy-going. I assumed it wouldn't affect you that much."

"Half of it is my lucky ability to shake it off quickly after waking up. The other half is Dauntless attitude. I was born here, I had plenty of time to learn how to appear strong to the people around me."

"Well, I've had an idea that might help them. I thought about using peace serum on our initiates during these last days of initiation. You know, with the fear landscapes coming up and the initiates having to go through more than one fear every day, it might help them to sleep calmer. They'd be able to do much better during their final tests that way, and we won't have to deal with as many nervous breakdowns. Remember last year?"

Lauren holds my gaze, and I wish I knew what's going on behind those green eyes of her. Sometimes she's good at hiding her emotions. Maybe, knowing what she's just told me, she's always good at it. I simply never thought about her fighting with our duties as instructors, too.

XXX

I'm glad when I'm done with the simulations. I didn't have to watch anything new today, but I constantly kept thinking about my talk with Lauren this morning. I'm not in the mood to eat in the cafeteria, so I just stop by to grab a slice of pizza and a muffin to take away before I climb the path from the pit and exit through the main entrance for a change. The guards don't question me, one of the advantages of being known as Four.

I don't go far, since I don't have much time. I sit down on the cold floor with my back against a crumbling building and start eating. My heartbeat slows down as I enjoy the silence of being alone. Sometimes I wonder if I'm crazy. Last night I felt all the loneliness of my life pressing down on me in a way that left me numb and breathless, and today I seek to be away from all the noise and trouble that is Dauntless. It's kind of irrational, really.

After finishing my lunch, I stay seated for another five minutes. I'm afraid to talk to Eric and wonder how I'll manage to convince him of the peace serum idea. Judging by normal Dauntless standards, it's basically impossible to justify using another faction's serum to ease the process of initiation, since it contradicts the attitude leadership wants the initiates and members to develop. But normal Dauntless standards seem to change lately with Jeanine interfering, so I might at least have a chance. I hope I can make good use of it.

But my first stop back inside the compound leads me to the infirmary. Shauna was right, it's deserted during lunchtime. All the chairs in the waiting area are empty. I pass the unattended reception desk as I walk further into the ward, turning my head to the left and right to peek through the open doors. I find Shauna in the nurses' break room, having lunch with her colleagues.

"Sorry to interrupt you. Shauna, could you help me pack some first aid items for the initiates' training room? We're running out of supplies."

I'm secretly proud I spontaneously came up with such a good idea.

"Yeah, sure. Let's go to the medical storeroom." Her chair squeaks on the linoleum floor as she pushes it away from the table and rises to attend me. "I'll be back in a few minutes. Keep some cake for me!" she says to her co-workers before leaving the room with me.

I've never been to the medical storeroom, so I don't know where it is. I follow Shauna until the very end of the corridor where she turns to a door on the left that she opens by typing in a code on a keypad on the wall next to it. The rectangular room we enter is filled with simple metal shelves packed with all kinds of medical equipment and boxes clearly labeled with what's inside. The level of neatness is completely untypical of Dauntless. It reminds me of the well-organized depot in which the Abnegation stock the supplies they hand out to the factionless.

Shauna seems to have read my thoughts. "We have to keep it as tidy as it is. Sometimes it's about life or death, and we have to find what we're looking for without losing time."

She starts rummaging through a box near the ground, taking out several glass tubes that she puts on an empty shelf beside the door. Then I follow her two rows to the left and watch her take down another box from the top shelf while she asks me if I've ever drawn blood before.

I shake my head. "No, I only know how to administer the fear serum, that's all."

She snorts. "Well, that's completely different. First of all, you have to use an antiseptic on the skin before you begin. I know you skip that part in the sim room, but really, you shouldn't. It doesn't take long, but it prevents infections almost certainly."

With her eyebrows raised, she hands me a white spray bottle that she has just pulled out of her box. Then she continues to lecture me about what I'm supposed to do, and I try to memorize each step while she gathers everything else I need. It doesn't sound very difficult, but she's rather serious about the whole process.

"Okay, now I'll give you a bag, so you can take all the stuff to your apartment, or to wherever it is that you plan to meet your Divergents."

We leave the storeroom and walk all the way back to the reception area. Shauna rummages in the cupboard behind the desk until she finds what she's looking for and holds a white paper bag in front of me, so I can put my supplies in.

"Good, now I'll go and get you your first aid equipment. Got to keep the cover, don't we?" she whispers and leaves for the storeroom again with another empty bag in hand.

I start walking up and down the waiting area, then stop to look at a poster that shows and names all the muscles of the human body, then walk again before skimming over some basic rules on how to treat minor sports injuries on another poster. Next, I walk back to the desk and lean against it. I hope Shauna will be back soon, I have to go to the training room.

My eyes wander to the giveaways on the desk. There's a box with simple individually packaged black band-aids, a bowl full of candy, apparently to praise the Dauntless children's braveness after an injury or general visit to the doctor's, and... a glass filled with flat square foil packages in a huge variety of colors. I immediately know what it is, although I've never needed one before. But now things are changing and Tris and I will hopefully get to using them soon. I don't think twice and sink my hand into the glass to pick some. Better take some more to practice how to put them on.

I smile — who am I fooling? Practice ten times and then use one properly?

Suddenly Shauna appears in front of me.

"Ambitious, hm?" she grins with a nod to the now baggy pocket of my pants.

My blush must be perfectly visible in the neon lights of the infirmary while I mutter something about medical confidentiality. Apparently I fail to impress Shauna, as she amicably claps a hand on my shoulder and starts laughing.

"Really, Four, I don't think that your little stock of gratis condoms succumbs to that. By the way, seeing you blush is lovely. Who would have thought the mighty Four was even capable of such a reaction?"

She shakes her head, clearly amused. I'm thankful she has at least lowered her voice.

"Whatever," I say as I turn to leave, "see you around."

"Yeah, Four, unless you'll be too busy using all your supplies."

Her girlish giggle follows me out of the infirmary.

XXX

Lauren stops me after training. "Do you mind if I accompany you to Eric's office? I support your idea and I'd like to help you convince him. I'm as responsible for the initiates as you are."

I'm surprised by her proposal, but I agree at once. It'll be helpful if we act as a unit here.

My heart is hammering once we reach the leadership section and knock on Eric's door.

"Who's there?" His voice sounds harsh, as usual, and, if I'm not mistaken, a little tired.

"It's Four and Lauren. We have an issue to discuss with you, concerning the initiates." I almost shout, so he can hear me through the closed door.

"Come in."

I let Lauren go in first and then follow in her wake.

"Sit down. I'll be there in five minutes."

Of course, he won't sit with us immediately.

I watch him from the corner of my eye while he narrows his eyes at something he looks at on his monitor before he types something on his keyboard. He indeed looks tired. At least as tired as Eric Coulter ever looks like. It's hard to make out behind his attitude, and behind all his tattoos and piercings. But after fighting hard for the highest rankings against him, I've learned to read him to the best of my abilities.

We end up waiting fifteen, not five, minutes until he turns his attention to us.

"So, what is it that you want to discuss? Please keep it short; I have lots of stuff to do. Leadership stuff."

Today he doesn't have to take the bottle of liqueur out of the cupboard. He grabs it along with an empty but already used glass from his desk as he walks over to sit down with us.

"I'd offer you a drink, but there's not enough left for the three of us," he states while pouring the remains of the bottle into his glass.

I exchange a quick glance with Lauren before I begin to speak. I try to keep our request short and businesslike. Although I try to see behind his facade, his expression gives nothing away this time.

"That's unheard-of," he says, leaning back in his chair while resting his left ankle on his right knee. I know better than to push him now. He likes to be in charge. But maybe Lauren doesn't know. She leans forward in her chair with her elbows on her knees.

"We know that Eric, but with all due respect, you're not afraid of trying out something new, are you?"

Wow, what's gotten into her? Is she trying to provoke him now? Perhaps she has noticed her mistake, as she runs a hand through her hair and casts her eyes down for two seconds before meeting Eric's gaze again. Her voice is soft.

"You're the leader here, it's your decision, no matter what. You're in the powerful position to encourage changes. If not you, who else can?"

Taken aback, I watch the scene develop in front of me. Eric rubs his jaw with his palm and takes another sip from his glass before wordlessly handing it to Lauren. She leans forward and takes it from him, then takes a large gulp of the golden spirit.

"That's quite good, what is it?"

"Whiskey. The finest brand you can get, by the way. Quite expensive, cause it's so rare."

"I see. It tastes different from the stuff they sell at the bar."

"The bar!" Eric snorts, his tone arrogant. "It's a nice place, but honey, they don't have the best variety of selected liqueurs down there."

Honey? Wait, what's going on?

Lauren rotates the glass in her hand before inhaling the whiskey's scent deeply. Eric watches her as she raises the glass to her lips and takes another sip before handing it back to him. He definitely looks more relaxed and at ease now than earlier.

"This drink alone was worth coming up here. But I would appreciate if you thought about our idea. Think it through, Eric, you're clever. You have to admit this might have advantages for the initiates, but also for you as a leader. Imagine this years' fear landscapes to be the shortest of all times. What an accomplishment of your leadership skills!"

"Okay, I'll think about it and let you know tomorrow." Eric empties his glass and sets it down on the table. "Anything else?"

"No, that was all."

"Good, so I can finish my paperwork now. It's about time." He gets up and dismisses us from his office.

I walk silently beside Lauren until we reach the path that leads back down to the pit.

"Okay Lauren, what was going on in there? What is going on between you and Eric?"

"Relax, Four. There are other strategies to get what you want from him apart from your usual competition and attempts at intimidation."

"You're flirting with him on purpose?"

"No need to look so surprised. It's not that I offer him anything more, so stop giving me that look."

I follow her, watching as she pulls her hair back in a high ponytail first before twisting it up. I try to remember when she actually took it down. It must have been between the end of training and our arrival at Eric's office.

"But doesn't he notice that you're flirting with him only to get your will?" I insist.

How come I never noticed that Lauren could be so calculating?

"Of course he knows that. And I know that he knows. And he knows that I know... and so on. But it doesn't matter, his ego is just so big that he can't resist letting some of it get through to him. Well, at least this method has helped me maintain a good relation to him and I can make myself get heard."

So that's how she does it. In fact, it's not more manipulative than my own technique of trying to always give Eric the feeling of being in control and above me in the ranks.

We're both playing with his ego, one way or another.

DISCLAIMER: I own neither the Divergent world nor the characters, they belong to Veronica Roth.