Thanks for all the love the last chapter received. ❤ It was a great motivation for me to continue writing this week, so I finished the drafts of two new chapters, and after that I decided to give you chapter 30 earlier than I had planned. Hope you like this one, too.

Chapter 30: Tuesday, 4 days until initiation

Tris

I snuggle closer to Tobias, my head on his chest, my foot lazily stroking up and down his lower leg. He sighs softly and traces the ravens on my skin with his fingertips. We're in this lovely state between still being half asleep and slowly waking up, enjoying our closeness after last night. A big smile spreads from my lips over my whole face as I remember how he told me that he loved me. It's the warmest words I've ever heard someone say to me.

I wish it could just be him and me in the world.

Suddenly we're pulled of our peaceful slumber by a loud knock on the door. I sit up, startled, and look at Tobias. I shouldn't be here. I'm not allowed to be here.

Another knock, more insistent.

"Four, get your ass out of bed and open the door!"

It's Eric!

Tobias' face turns pale, and he looks as shocked as I feel. "You have to hide. Get into the cupboard!"

I jump up and turn around. There are not many clothes inside his closet, but the space inside is limited by a low shelf. I have to crouch to fit inside.

"Four! Open the fucking door! I don't have all morning to wait until you've powdered your nose."

"Eric! I'm coming, you don't have to wake up the whole compound!"

"My clothes!" I hiss the moment Tobias wants to shut the cupboard to hide me from view. I gesture to the heap on the floor next to the bed. He picks them up quickly and throws them onto the shelf above me, and then I'm left alone in the darkness.

I hear Tobias stroll through his apartment to open the door.

"That was about time. What have you been doing?"

"What do you think I'm doing at seven in the morning? I was still sleeping."

Eric enters the hallway. His steps echo on the floor while Tobias is still barefoot.

"I hope you're awake now. I have to talk to you."

"I am, as you can see. Do you mind if I get dressed first?"

"What, feel too naked in a shirt and boxer shorts, stiff?"

"No, but cold."

Clothes rustle and a zipper is pulled up.

The dull sound of Eric walking around frightens me. His steps come closer. What if he finds out I'm here? We'd be made factionless and our plans would be ruined.

He's getting closer and closer to my hiding place. I eventually stop breathing.

"So, what did you want to talk to me about that can't wait at least until breakfast?"

Eric stops, but not far from me. What if I needed to sneeze now? No, don't think things like that!

"Peace serum."

"Have you come to a decision about the idea?" Tobias sounds tense. I can't blame him for it.

"Actually, I have. You can give it a try, but under my conditions."

I'm sure he makes a pause just to force Tobias to ask for more information.

"And that would be?"

"Well, if it doesn't work, you and Lauren are going to take full responsibility and live with the consequences. You're going to be replaced in next year's initiation."

"And if it works?"

"Oh, if it's a success, I'll claim it was my idea entirely. A word to anyone and you're going to be replaced regardless."

How unfair is this? I'd like to jump out of my dark prison and kick Eric's ass for that suggestion.

"So that's what you're going to tell Johanna when you see her today. There are trucks leaving for Amity in twenty minutes. They asked us to check their compound for intruders cause there has been an incident with one or more factionless, so we're sending forces there for the day. You'll go with them and see what Johanna thinks about your idea. Convince her."

"But I have to be back on time for the simulations."

"You will be back with the others when they're done in Amity. Lauren will oversee all the initiate's simulations today. She's a big girl, she can handle it."

"But today is the last time they're practicing out of the fear landscapes. I should be there."

"What, now you're trying to talk me out of this whole peace serum issue again? Forget it, Four. I'm not asking you if you want to go. It's a command."

"Fine," Tobias gives in.

He has no other choice than to follow Eric's order. I know why he doesn't want to leave.

Eric starts walking again, and I'm relieved he seems to put some distance between me and him.

"Interesting," he murmurs, somewhat condescendingly amused.

Paper rustles.

"I didn't know you finally found yourself someone to fuck."

What?

"That's none of your business, Eric."

"Oh, no need to get all closed up. I'm happy for you!" He sounds all snarky. "Now you can pass the title as the oldest virgin in Dauntless on to someone else. The new stiff might be a good candidate."

"Shut up, or...!"

"Or what, Four? Wanna fight me? Don't forget who I am! I'm your fucking leader! Whereas you are just another member! But it's kind of cute how you try to defend your former faction."

A tense silence follows.

"Now get your jacket and follow me, or we'll be late."

Twenty seconds later, the apartment door falls shut, and they are gone. I don't dare to move at first, although my legs ache from sitting crouched in this unnatural position. Once I'm sure Eric won't come back here for whatever reason he might have, I climb out of my hiding place and stretch my muscles. I take a look around, relieved I don't spot anything that could have betrayed my presence in this place.

I wonder what made Eric say the things he said right before leaving. What caught his attention? I slowly walk over towards the kitchen unit, towards where I assume he must have been standing. The only thing that could have rustled within reach is the paper bag on the counter. Do I really want to see what's inside?

Of course I do. I take another step and peek inside. A selection of small foil packages covers its bottom. I grab one and look at it. It must have something to do with sex.

Oh, I think I've heard about these. I unwrap one, just out of curiosity. Since Tobias has quite a collection here, I think he won't notice if one is missing. I'm astounded by how thin the material is and how smooth it feels between my fingers.

Suddenly, having sex with Tobias is somehow within reach. I've known for a while that I want him like that, and here I have the ultimate proof that he really wants me, too. And I can't stop a small giggle coming out of my mouth: By the looks of it he's pretty positive that he's going to like it.

Tobias

I take a look back at our city from where I'm sitting in the back of the truck, to where Tris is thrown into her simulation today by Lauren instead of me. I hope she'll manage to get out safely, her Divergence unnoticed. I wonder if her fear of intimacy is still on her mind. Probably it is. We haven't done anything about it those last days, as it wasn't the right time and mood for that. It's been three days now since the last time we shared more than just kisses and embraces, and although I feel so inwardly close to her after confessing to her about Evelyn and my horrible childhood with Marcus, I miss being with her like this.

I wonder what she made of Eric's words after I left my apartment with him. Has she found out yet what he was referring to? I don't know why it makes me so nervous that she could find the condoms I brought. It's responsible, isn't it? Then why am I afraid she might be mad at me about it? I can't shake the feeling that she could get it the wrong way, that she might feel pressured, although there's no reason for that — well, beside the upcoming exams. There's little time left until then, only three more days, apart from today. Will we have done it by Saturday? Or will we risk her fear to convict us during the final test?

No matter how I turn things over in my head, it still seems wrong to let us be pushed by a date. I certainly won't support that time pressure by bringing this deadline up again. I will let the decision be entirely hers.

Yes, that's probably the best, and maybe it's the only chance that she'll truly get over her fear. It has to come from her, not from anybody or anything else. I don't want to sleep with her for the wrong reasons.

I look up the moment we stop at the fence. Jed, our driver, hands out our papers to the guards at the gate through the open window. We're the first of three trucks driving to Amity today. The others are right behind us. Eric has given additional orders to make the Amity load the trucks with food supplies, so they wouldn't have to do their regular tour as soon as they usually would have to.

It doesn't take long until we resume driving, and I watch the gate slide close again after we passed it. The road outside soon turns into a dirt road, the bumps and holes in it shaking our vehicle, making it difficult to think about anything else during the rest of our drive.

Amity is entirely different from all the other factions. I notice it every time I'm here. There's not such a strict appearance of uniformity among its members in their colorful clothing. Also, their wooden huts are scattered around their circular main building without any recognizable pattern, and each looks slightly different, though built with the same natural materials and in the same style.

We park our trucks only a few yards away from the main entrance and hop off. The Amity working in the fields nearby all turn to us. They must know about our visit since it can't have been Johanna's decision alone. Usually they vote on questions like this, so they must have discussed if they wanted to ask for our help or not. Most faces look friendly and kind. Only some are hiding a skeptical frown behind their smile.

I follow Jed and the other Dauntless to the main entrance where Johanna is already waiting for us. She shakes hands with each of us before she starts briefing us about the incident with the factionless. Apparently a group of factionless entered through the forests at the eastern border of the Amity compound and stole tools as well as recently harvested crops from a trailer parked among the fields overnight because the harvest was to be continued the next day.

Jed leaves with the others to investigate, and I stay behind with Johanna. I can talk to her now, and once we've finished our conversation, I'm supposed to join the others to help search the surrounding area.

"So, Four, what can I help you with? What is it that you wish to discuss with me today?"

Johanna looks at me with curiosity. Eric doesn't seem to have told her anything about my request. Her voice is kind and gentle, and I immediately feel better at hearing the friendliness in it. I don't know what I was expecting. I've become so used to the neutral and objective way the Dauntless handle official conversations that I'm surprised to be addressed nicely.

"Actually, I wanted to talk to you about peace serum."

I carefully study her face for her reaction. But apart from raising her eyebrows just a bit, Johanna doesn't give away what she's thinking.

"Follow me into my office, please."

She gestures to an open door at the side of the building and starts to walk there, and I follow her. She lets me go in first and then shuts the door behind us.

Johanna's office reminds me of a piece of cake, due to the circular form of the whole building. Everything is made of wood; the floor, the ceiling, and the walls. Bright yellow curtains sway in the wind coming in through the tilted window, and beneath the furniture in the middle of the room is a fluffy red carpet. It's not new, though. It's obvious that countless footsteps have already fallen on it.

"Would you like anything to drink? I can offer you water with lemon, fresh orange juice or milk."

"Orange juice, please."

I've only once had one, and it tasted deliciously sweet. I watch as Johanna cuts oranges in halves and then starts to press them, the juice gathering at the bottom of the machine she's using. The whole process takes time, but it doesn't bother her, so I try to relax and not hurry her, since I know Amity like to do one thing at a time. She's concentrating on her task, and there's something in her posture that tells me she doesn't want to be interrupted. The authority she possesses is entirely different from Eric's or Max'.

Finally, we sit next to each other on two wicker chairs, two glasses of freshly pressed juice on the low table in front of us. Johanna looks at me with curiosity and honest interest while we talk about the weather. It's an Amity habit to chat about something simple first, which can be quite annoying. But today I don't mind that I have to discuss the clouded sky and falling temperatures before I can place my request. Perhaps today is the day on which I get to understand this small-talk-thing a little better. It's a warm-up, just like Dauntless run laps at the beginning of training.

"So, peace serum. Why is it important to you to come all the way out of the city to talk to me about it?" Johanna asks when there's nothing left to comment on the weather.

"It has to do with initiation. I'm training the initiates again this year, together with Lauren. You know her, don't you?" She nods. "We have problems concerning our initiation process. While most initiates get through the physical stage of training more or less well, a lot of them struggle with the fear simulations we put them through during second stage."

And I explain to her how Dauntless initiation works. Perhaps I tell her more than I should about it, but her way of displaying honest interest in my explanations by little nods and occasional questions leads to a fountain of words coming out of my mouth. I'm relieved to get it all out, to be able to tell someone who would just listen first before judging what I'm saying.

"... Yeah, and that's why we came up with the idea of giving peace serum to our initiates, just on the days right before the exams, so they can get some rest. This is what I came to ask for," I conclude.

In the silence that follows I take another sip from my juice as I wait for Johanna to say something.

"It is unheard-of for a faction to use the serum of another."

"I know it's probably never been done before, but we could consider it as an experiment."

Johanna leans back in her chair and scrutinizes me. I don't know what she's looking for and what she's trying to read in my face, and I begin to feel slightly uneasy. There's so much at stake, and our single plan depends on her approval of Dauntless using peace serum.

"I'll try to be honest with you, Four. I don't know what to think of you or your idea. Something about it seems off to me. Dauntless usually doesn't ask favors from Amity. We supply you with food, and you help us with security matters, but there isn't, and never has been, any kind of closer cooperation between our two factions."

That isn't the answer I was hoping for, that I so desperately need.

"I'm aware of that, Johanna, but I'd like to give it a try. It's important."

She raises her eyebrows, and I instantly know I've said one sentence too much.

DISCLAIMER: I own neither the Divergent world nor the characters, they belong to Veronica Roth.