Chapter 3: Grief

Kagome had been inconsolable for the months after her return to the modern era. She cried each night, losing sleep because every time she closed her eyes, all she could dream about was him. His silver hair, some nights black, falling over her as he kissed her, touched her, loved her. Her body ached for him, unable to find peace as she writhed in her sheets. She felt like an addict at times. Totally unable to control her emotions.

She went to school, put on a brave face for her friends and family, but no matter what she felt like a fading photograph of herself. She was sure none of them could know how time was crushing her. She hoped for a while, a short while, that he would come for her here. Maybe he'd live long enough to come to her the long way around, maybe as an old man, maybe still the same. She wasn't sure about the life spans of Hanyos, but she knew his brother was very old, yet looked young. Maybe he could do it. Her hopes were dashed every day that he stayed absent from her life. She tried to remember how to be happy, like she was before, but she simply couldn't. He was her world now, and he was gone, forever.

After the first year, she was better. Not perfect, but better. She had trained herself to remember the good times, and be happy that they happened at all. Her mother had helped her through the worst of it, knowing the pain of losing the one you truly love too soon. She'd opened up one night, telling her everything, or as much as any mother should know, and was rewarded with such understanding and kindness, she wondered if her mother had not always known what he was to her.

It was any average day of classes when her friends decided to go out to the shops and grab some food. She tagged along like always, joking and telling stories about how Hojo had asked her about Eri. Her friend was absolutely obsessed with him, and she encouraged her to go for it at every opportunity. "I thought you two were kind of a thing, Kagome." Said Eri with just a hint of jealousy. She smirked.

"No way, you know I'm not interested in dating anyone." Her friend nodded knowingly. Kagome had told them he moved away, to America, and stopped talking to her. It was the best way to get them to stop asking questions that made her feel sick. She was looking in a clothes store window when when she caught sight of him through the reflection. At first she looked away, thinking it was a trick of the light, just a punk with similar hair, but she still turned to look fully. When she did her heart nearly stopped. It was him. It was!

It was Sesshomaru!

"Do you know that guy or something?" her friend had stopped walking to watch her as she gaped at the handsome guy with white hair standing across the street. He had stopped too, looking at her coldly. Kagome's eyes began to mist with tears as she dropped her bag on the street and ran to him. Her friends only watched in shock as Kagome threw her arms around the man, who only stood still in shock as she started to cry.

"Sesshomaru! It's you- It is you!" She whimpered, holding tight to his chest even though he only stood still, hands in his pockets. She wasn't sure at first, being much less identifiable in modern clothes. Black jeans and a plain blue shirt under a white jacket, a brown lether tote slung over his shoulder- but the color of his hair, now cut short, was the same. His markings were gone, but his amber eyes were unmistakable.

"Kagome?" He replied, barely showing his shock at seeing her. Her eyes shot up in surprise at hearing her name. Had he ever said it before? His eyes scanned her, still trying to hide his shock. "Kagome... how are you here?" he asked blankly, pushing her back at the shoulders to look at her more clearly. She was really here? How strange…

"I- I live here! This is where I'm from! How are you here?" She cried, ignoring her friends who had graciously brought her bag from the street to see what all the fuss was about.

"Hey Kagome... It seems like you have some catching up to do..." Eri said, looking at the others. "We'll catch you later, ok?" Kagome nodded at them as they turned to leave, all whispering about what the hell could be going on with this crazy looking guy and her. None of them could wait to hear the story behind this.

As soon as they were out of earshot Sesshomaru turned back to the emotional girl who was still standing in front of him. She looked like a complete wreck, making him a little apprehensive about walking down the street with her, but still... his curiosity was peaked. How could this human- whom he thought long dead- be alive and in front of him, looking no older than she had the day they met? "Come." He said coolly, turning to continue to his house. She was stunned for a moment before scrambling to gather her bag and follow him to... wherever he was going.

"How are you here, Sesshomaru? I thought for sure everyone from the feudal era was gone now!" She said, trying to calm down and get a grip on her emotions. He only replied with "Hn" and continued walking.

"So did I Kagome. You must explain how it is you came to be here. How have you returned?" He didn't look at her as he continued down the street, beginning to darken with the setting sun. She didn't want to take the time to explain everything, especially because she hardly understood it herself, but she knew he wanted at least a halfway decent explanation. She decided to just jump in.

"I was born in this era. I've always been from here. I went back to the feudal era through... a well, at the shrine. It all has to do with the Shikon Jewel" He furrowed his brow. Heavy emotion for Sesshomaru, she thought. In reality he was connecting the odd clothes she wore to the present day uniforms that were commonplace in the current era, instantly proving the validity of her outlandish tale. "It was an accident, really. Once Naraku and the Jewel were destroyed, I got stuck back here, in my own time. I haven't been able to return for... a little over a year." The unsteady emotion had returned to her voice. Sesshomaru turned on the sidewalk to walk up to a small but modern house on the street, pulling a set of keys from his tote and unlocking the door.

He stopped to look at Kagome who had halted on the sidewalk, gesturing for her to enter. She was hesitant. He was never exactly a friend in the past, but he had to know... What had happened to Inuyasha? She gathered her courage and walked through the door, Sesshomaru following close behind to close it again. She stood unsurely in the entryway for a moment, just staring at Sesshomaru. He gave her a slightly pained look before sliding off his shoes and continuing inside, rounding a corner to another room where he flicked on the light. She quickly followed his example.

When she entered the bright kitchen, his back was turned, busy making tea. She stood there wordlessly staring at his shoulders as he went about his task. She barely noticed the surroundings except in glances. It was a mix of very simple and modern design, with a few tasteful elements of the past scattered throughout. A set of ancient looking vases she recognized to be a common item of the feudal era sat on the counter, holding a few cuts of greenery. Kagome was sure they must be priceless, their beauty and age making them the holy grail for collectors or historians. "Sit, Kagome." He said, still turned away from her. She did as she was told, remembering that he never liked her much in the past. She hoped that he would let bygones be bygones if she did the same.

He placed two cups on the table, pouring the steaming tea carefully before sliding one cup to her. He sat across from her and leaned back in his chair, letting his eyes wash over her. She felt frozen, unable to move, partly wanting to run, partly wanting to hug him again. Oh Kami... she thought. She hugged Sesshomaru. How was she not dead yet?

"To answer your question, I'm simply still alive." He said, taking a sip of his tea. She nodded slowly in understanding. So it was possible. If anyone could survive this long, she wasn't surprised it was him. If he had been here all this time, maybe he would tell her what she wanted to know.

"Sesshomaru, what happened... to Inuyasha?" She asked the question, stealing her heart to the answer that she knew was coming. He sighed through his nose, never breaking eye contact as he set his cup down on the dark wood table.

"Dead. Long dead." He said the words, like daggers to her heart, with no emotion. Somehow, that helped. At least he wasn't saying it with the joy she knew he probably felt at his brother's demise. She felt the tears well up in her eyes once more, but held it back, taking a sip of her tea to steady her nerves. She nodded again, taking a few deep breaths. She looked back into his amber eyes, seeing what she thought might have been just the barest hint of sympathy.

"How?" She asked in a voice so small she could barely hear herself.

"Protecting you, from what I understand." he replied without pause. She sucked in a breath sharply. Did that mean... So he would... They would be together again?

"What do you mean!?" She had stood suddenly, slammed her cup on the table, spilling a few drops of the tea. He glanced at his table, looking annoyed. She looked down, apologizing before sitting and folding her hands on her lap like a naughty child. She was so desperate for answers, she needed to know how to get back! "How-how did I return?" She asked, trying to keep her voice even and calm. He only looked away.

"You never said, to me at least." She was heartbroken all over again. There goes her hope of returning tonight, but there was still hope for the future. She would see him again. Her Inuyasha. Aa she finished her tea a soft longing sigh left her lips.

"Please... can you tell me anything more?" She asked, a waver in her voice.

"What do you wish to find out?" He asked as he rose to gather the cups. She thought hard about what she really needed to know. As she did he rinsed the cups before using a little towel to wash his face, an action that Kagome found odd until he turned back with the full face markings that she remembered.

"Oh?" She made the sound mostly in surprise before she could stop herself. "You cover the marks?" She asked, a little happy to see his real face again.

"I don't have much of a choice." There was just a hint of growl in his tone. "Facial markings look 'scary'. It's bad for business." She nodded, biting back a remark about Sesshomaru not needing the face tattoos to be scary, along with a fleeting question about what exactly his 'business' was, instead going back to her original line of questioning.

"When will I return?" She asked, hoping he would be able to tell her at least that much.

"I don't remember." He said cooly, with a little shrug. She paled. Of course he wouldn't have known that. What did he care where she was? She sighed, realizing that he probably wouldn't know very much at all in regards to her. He pulled back his sleeve to look at the watch on his wrist before looking back at her, seeming to linger on her uniform.

"It's getting late Kagome." He said plainly, standing to walk back to the entryway.

"Wait- please!" He paused next to her chair to look at her squarely, hands in his pockets.

"You can come back tomorrow if you have more questions, but you are a student. I'm sure you still have work to do, am I right?" She blushed. She had forgotten all about her assignments when she saw him. "Tomorrow, Kagome." School. School!? How did school matter now!?

"But-!" She panicked when he turned to go again, not thinking it through before she reached out and grabbed his wrist. He looked down, glaring at her dangerously. Her own expression was surprised, shocked at her own bold move. In a flash he turned his hand around, grabbing her by the wrist and pulling her to her feet. He held it above her head at such an angle that she couldn't help but stumble, falling against his chest. She was terrified for a moment, cringing against whatever painful retribution was coming. When nothing happened she looked up at him shyly, pressing her hand to his chest to right herself, hoping this wasn't how she died.

"Tomorrow." He repeated calmly, dropping her wrist. She immediately regained her balance and stood before him, rubbing the spot his hand had held absently. It didn't hurt, but Kami, he can be scary.

Once she had shaken off her initial panic she did as she was told, pulling back on her shoes and gathered her bag. When she turned to say goodbye she noticed he was putting his shoes on as well.

"You're walking me home?" She asked, a bit disbelieving.

"Hn." He opened the door for her, before again locking it behind them as they returned to the street. They walked in silence for a time, giving her time to think. Maybe if she could find out what had happened, she could save Inuyasha. Maybe she could stop whatever had ended his life. Of course, if that was possible, wouldn't he be alive now? Wouldn't just seeing his brother, gaining the promise of an answer, wouldn't that make it so? It was all so complicated. How could living in the future give her almost no advantage?

"Can I still come see you again?" she asked, finally breaking the silence.

"After school." He said, seeming to Kagome like he was very concerned with her education for someone who barely knew her. She nodded, making a mental note to cancel all of her plans.

They stopped at the shrine steps, looking to each other. "Goodnight, Kagome." He said, turning to go.

"Wait!" Before she could stop herself she was reaching for his wrist again. He caught her before she could touch him this time, holding her wrist again, but just out in front of her instead of over her head. She blushed at the angry look on his face. "I-I'm sorry! I just wanted to ask-" She waited for him to drop her wrist and nod before continuing. She looked at her feet, unsure of how to phrase this question correctly. "Were we…. Did you and I… did we ever become better friends?" She trailed off, hoping that he would understand the gist of what she was saying. 'Did you ever stop hoping me and Inuyasha were dead' seemed a little too direct. He cracked a smile. Her blood seemed to run cold as he did. Although he was handsome, and the smile wasn't especially sinister, she couldn't help the way her heart fluttered, begging her to run and hide.

"We did." He said, with more warmth in his voice than she had believed him capable of, though that was still only a hint. "You became my Imouto." As the words left his lips all the fear was gone from her body, replaced by overwhelming joy.

"So… Inuyasha and I will be married?" She kept her voice absolutely calm, though she suddenly held her hands in fists in front of her, waiting for the words.

"You were married." He clarified, reminding her of this time situation. She couldn't help the happy little scream that left her lips, throwing up her hands in victory as she jumped over to hug him again.

"Big brother!" She said excitedly, pushing her face into his shirt. He sighed softly at the familiar words. He'd completely forgotten her brazen greeting when she'd returned to the past. It had thoroughly pissed him off, the disrespect, but in some odd way it made him respect her a bit more. She was nothing if not brave. But she may just be stupid. He still wasn't exactly sure.

"Yes, yes, congratulations." He panned, pushing her shoulder lightly. She backed off, but couldn't hold back the smile on her lips as she looked at him. He frowned at her. He never much cared for celebrations. "Goodnight, Kagome." His farewell sounded more like a command this time. She nodded, her mind swirling with happy dreams for her future. Planning a wedding. Becoming his wife! She bowed respectfully to Sesshomaru.

"Goodnight! Be safe! Thank you! I'll see you tomorrow!" She chirped at a mile a minute before quickly hopping up the steps to her home. He watched her go, moving effortlessly up the incline, shaking his head at her. Something told him he was going to regret this.