Author's note: The title says it all

20 years ago

"You're what?"

"I'm pregnant. You're the father. I need help. I need money, just let me get through my senior year. Please."

There was a sinking feeling in her stomach. She knew the answer. Knew it from the moment the results came in. She was lost and had nowhere to go. If only she listened.

"No." And with that, he left. Gone, just like that.

9 months later

Her heart rate was ecstatic, she heard the cry of her baby boy. She smiled. But something was wrong. The nurses scrambled and yelled medical procedures. She was in pain, but after labor wasn't everyone? She sensed someone grab her hand, a nurse. She had something in her hand. A stopwatch.

They were counting her death time.

Teen pregnancies were difficult, but motherly instincts reside no matter how old you are. If wasn't going to live, if she wasn't going to see her baby then she would fight to stay alive long enough to make sure that she had a basic say in her child's life.

"Lorcan," the mother croaked, "my baby's name will be Lorcan."

The nurse gave her a sad smile, "Lorcan Salvaterre."

"There's a letter on my nightstand in my apartment. Make sure it stays with him."

The nurse nodded.

The chaos was still there, but she knew her time had come.

She leaned her head back, closed her eyes and flatlined.

10 years later

Lorcan Salvaterre sat on a bed in the adoption center. Today he'd have a mom.

A head popped through the door, the hostess, "Before you meet your new parent there is something I need to give you."

She pulled a hand from behind her back to reveal a letter. Lorcan's took it with a curious look on his face, "It's from your birth mother."

Lorcan's face became stoic. He knew what happened to his mom, but he didn't know anything else. There wasn't a picture left or a family heirloom. She was practically erased from existence.

He nodded and waited till the hostess walked out.

While sitting on the little bed he carefully unwrapped the letter. The paper was old like it had been there for a while. Lorcan had to look away for a moment. He took a deep breath and allowed himself to finally really look at it. In black ink wrote:

My child,

If you are reading this then something has gone wrong. I am telling the key to salvation, put it to good use. The key to salvation is loyalty, it causes no pain because you feel nothing. You do what you've been told and thus you don't get destroyed. Treat your mother like a queen and don't go astray. I had found this out too late. I was rebellious and I should've just stayed with my mother. But I was ignorant, fell in love, and shattered my heart. As your mother, my only request is that you stay loyal and true to your mother. Do everything she says and you feel no pain. Please.

With love and regret,

Mom

PS: All will make sense. Just listen. I didn't and now look where I am. I'm sorry I wasn't there.

Lorcan shut his eyes. He was young and lost. Like his mother was. Only this time he had a path. Her mother didn't want him to end up like she did. Tears of anger and frustration rolled down his cheeks. It was his mother's only command. To stay loyal. And he would. He would treat his new mother like a queen. He would obey her every command. He would feel no pain. No regret.

So he stood in front of Maeve said, "My name is Lorcan Salvaterre and I serve you now."

Elide and Lorcan had finished their kitchen duty for the day. The work got done much faster thanks to challenges and dares they teased. Sometimes they'd work in silence with rock music playing in the background and other times they'd sing in bawdy tunes to pop songs, despite knowing that the other hid secrets. They were given a 45-minute break. Which seemed pretty generous in Elide's opinion. Then again, she was domestically abused 24/7 so 5 hours of work was nothing.

Elide sat on one of the tables in the cafeteria. Waiting for Lorcan to join her. A few minutes later and Elide grew impatient. So she took out a picture of her and her dad before everything got screwed up. They were in China and were at the airport to go home when their flight got delayed. They had stayed there for 20 hours before they boarded. In the picture was Elide sleeping, her head on Vernon's shoulder. And Vernon, who was smiling. That was awhile ago. A lifetime ago.

"What's that?"

Elide practically jumped.

"It's a picture, what else?"

"You're looking at it like this:" Lorcan made an expression that looked like a child missing its blankie.

Elide sighed. He wasn't going to stop pestering her. Ironic considering a few hours ago, he seemed to want nothing to do with her.

"It's a picture of me and my dad-"

"My dad and I."

Elide sighed, "Fine. It's a picture of my dad and I. I haven't seen him in years so I held onto a lot."

Lorcan frowned. Dang, it. "Wait, why haven't you seen your dad?"

Elide sighed. How could she trust him? She hadn't told anyone. Lorcan was most definitely not on that list. Yet she looked at him. As if she could see through his soul. See his intentions. There was something. Something rare and beautiful. But it was surrounded by a mist. A shroud he had created to prevent people from seeing his light. If she could break through that barrier and see what he so carefully hid, maybe then she'd tell him.

Lorcan looked at her expectantly. It wasn't surprising that he wouldn't back down. But neither would Elide. She looked back at him with the same expression. The two stayed that way for some time. Tired and irritated Lorcan backed off.

"Why are you so reluctant to tell me anything about yourself?" Lorcan asked. Almost desperately. Almost like he cared.

"Why do you do the same thing?" Elide shrugged.

Lorcan pondered for a moment, "My past is not a great one and I doubt your reasoning is remotely the same as mine."

"I know a way to get you to spill. Let's do this; I'll tell you bits of my past, and you'll do the same. That way I can see if this 'dark haunting' past of yours is true."

Lorcan took a deep breath and began, "My mother died while conceiving me."

"I was in the foster cycle for until I was 10." Lorcan squinted, trying to recall.

He had nowhere to settle for some time. Like, Elide.

"Before seeing my foster parent, I received a letter from my mom that she wrote just for me."

"What did the letter say?"

Lorcan tsked. "Say your part Elide."

Elide rolled her eyes "My uncle took care of me when my dad died. My uncle and I were very close. He owned a business, but it started to collapse. When my uncle, Vernon's company finally collapsed, he became abusive. He'd lock me up and make me work all day. And when he came home drunk, he would take it out on me."

Lorcan's eyes widened. He didn't know what to say. The girl, Elide seemed so sassy, he didn't consider if there was some reason behind it. The tortures the girl had gone through. It was no wonder she worked so quickly and efficiently. For her, it was survival. He wanted to know more about this girl. He'd thought he had known her so well. Intriguing and brave.

But he had to do his part, if she could tell him something so personal, then so could he, "The letter… it had written some pretty life-changing things. It was the only request my mother had ever given me. The letter… it told me to serve my foster mother. To treat her like a queen. To stay by her side no matter what. And if I did I would feel no pain."

"Did you? I mean serve her with everything you had. Did you feel no pain?"

"Yes, yes I did. I still am serving her even if she doesn't know it. As for the pain, I'm not sure. I don't know what pain feels like-"

Elide snorted.

"I don't know what pain feels like, but then I guess I don't know what joy feels like."

Elide didn't have a snappy remark for that. Instead, she looked at him with something he couldn't quite explain. Understanding? Care? Hope?

It was a good feeling.

Elide snapped out of it. She quickly looked away and cleared her throat, "Over time, I became fed up. I shot him and ran away," Elide winked, "I mourned for a while. I think I still am. I spent a few months running around. Never settling. Never stopping. Then I enrolled here, as a student. I got hurt and they told me to go back home. I couldn't so I begged them to let me work here. And here we are."

"I had served my foster parent, Maeve. But then another male that was adopted by Maeve too had her put behind bars. I lived on the streets for a while and then I heard a girl, you, got a job here out of nowhere. So I applied too."

Lorcan didn't say anything. So, Elide had a close relationship with her uncle, almost like a dad. He became abusive, she ran away. Gutsy. He couldn't help but admire her. Even when no one was there for her, even when she had no one to follow, she stood her ground. She faced the dangers, embraced them. She wasn't loyal to anyone but herself. It contradicted everything he believed in. Maybe her way was right.

He didn't really know what to say so he just smiled. Genuine and kind.

They sat in a comfortable silence. With a striking realization Elide supposed that for once, she'd met someone that didn't have a true home either. He was quite different. Yet basically the same. Loyalty was a task Elide couldn't accomplish. Why worry about someone else - when they can use your compassion against you? Yet, here sitting across from her, was a man who did what she never could. Give his all to someone else. He claimed immunity to pain, with joy included in the package. Loyalty had given that to him. Yet, independence had given the same thing to her. How could something - someone so different offer the same thing. Perhaps she needed a new change. She was starting a new life.

If unbending loyalty and standoffish independence brings immunity to pain and denies access to joy, what is needed for joy?

"I'm a coward," Elide spoke.

Lorcan's head shot up, "What are you talking about? You are most certainly not a coward. Trust me, I've met cowards and - "

"I've been running from pain. And without realizing it, I've been running from joy."

Lorcan paused, "I've done the same thing my whole life. Perhaps it's time for a change."

Lorcan had heard of Elide and had come. Unknowingly. She was glad he had entered her life. "I suppose, in a way, you found me."

Lorcan's gaze met her own, piercing through her soul as he spoke, "Elide Lochan, I will always find you."

A text appeared on Lorcan's phone. He didn't bother to read it.

Did you do it?

Author's note: Please don't kill me! I know, I know I'm getting there. It's coming. Thanks for being so patient. I am not as confident when writing slow-paced scenes, hopefully, I'm getting better.

I feel guilty keeping you wait for so long. Elide and Lorcan are pretty hard to figure out. Maybe that's decreasing the quality. They're both so secretive and stubborn which causes things take time, but…

Idk. Is this whole being one with the characters thing working? Or am I just driving you insane?

Review! It's coming. Thanks for being so patient.