It's been 42 chapters so far.

42 chapters that all somehow lead to this.

Thank you all for your support and your encouraging words. It means so much to me.

I really hope you like how it has turned out, it's probably the most-edited chapter of the entire story... By the way, it's m-rated ;-) Enjoy reading!

Chapter 43

Tobias

I've just lighted the second candle when Tris' key turns in my door. I look up and into her eyes. She holds my gaze, and the love speaking out of hers makes me want to pull her close and never let her go. Three large steps and I am with her, and we hold each other so tightly it almost hurts.

"Congratulations, Tris. You made it. I'm so damn proud of you."

"I wouldn't have made it without my instructor," she smiles.

"Do I know him?" I ask jokingly.

She takes a step back and shrugs. "Maybe I'll present him to you one day."

"How generous of you," I chuckle.

I look into her eyes and run my thumbs over her hands as our laughter subsides. Neither of us seems to know what to do next, how to start.

I swallow and clear my throat. "Are you... are you nervous?"

Her eyebrows turn up slightly. "How could I not be? Aren't you?"

"You can't imagine how much." I take a deep breath. "You know we don't have to do it tonight, we can take all the time we want now," I say softly.

Finally, we don't have to worry any longer about that. Finally, the decision is fully hers. And I want her to know that it is, to make sure she knows I'll wait for her if she needs more time.

"But I don't want to wait any longer," Tris whispers, and then she leads me to my bed where she motions me to sit down.

She smiles lovingly as she steps in between my legs, cups my face with both her small hands and kisses me unhurriedly. Eventually, she breaks the kiss and just stands there for a moment with her eyes locked to mine.

"It's not because of initiation," she says, her voice steady as she pushes her jacket off her shoulders.

"It's not because I want to get rid of a simulation."

There goes her sweatshirt.

"It's not because I want to get over my fear. I don't need that. Not anymore."

Her top.

"I'm not afraid."

She unclasps her bra and slides it down her arms.

"I want to sleep with you tonight simply because I love you, and it's the only reason I have."

My heart races and my palms are sweaty as I swallow the lump in my throat.

"It's because you believed in me, even when I did not."

She pulls my sweatshirt over my head.

"It's because you never pushed me," — my shirt —, "and understood why I wasn't ready to go all the way with you earlier."

She undoes the buttons of her pants one by one, still standing right in front of me.

"It's because you rather wanted to become factionless with me than to have sex with me for the wrong reasons."

She pushes the fabric down over her hips and thighs and it falls down to the floor.

"It's because you make me feel safe, and I trust you completely, with my body and heart and soul."

I hold my breath as her fingers hook into the sides of her panties, and she begins to remove this last piece of clothing that protects her from my gaze.

And then she stands in front of me, naked, her hands reaching up to cradle my neck instead of trying to cover herself up.

"I want to be close to you tonight, as close as we can get."

And I believe her, believe that she wants me, too, for all the right reasons, and my worries that she might regret this step later dissolve, as if they'd never existed.

She lets me admire her beautiful shape for a while before she kisses me, gently, with so much love, and I'm flustered and buzzing with anticipation as my brain realizes what we're about to do.

I need to get out of my jeans soon, they've become so uncomfortably tight. But when I pull Tris closer to me and lie down on the bed with her, it's not just because I'm turned on, it's because I love her so much, so much, that I want to be one with her, as close as humanly possible, and yet I already know it will never be enough.

Tris

"I want to be close to you tonight, as close as we can get."

I'm surprised by myself and my sudden self-confidence. I stand right in front of Tobias, completely bare, and his eyes travel over my body, yet I do nothing to hide from his gaze. He has seen most of me already, and I allow him to look at me. It's my way of showing him how much I've learned to trust him. I remember how much this used to frighten me, him roaming over my body with his gaze, but now I know he looks at me with loving eyes, and he won't turn away from me.

I need him now and I kiss him, tentatively at first, knowing that this time we won't stop early once we've started. His hands are on my body at once, one massaging my breast, the other on the small of my back, pulling me closer to him. Our kiss becomes fierce and I grab his hair, provoking him to groan. He pulls me with him onto the bed as he lies down.

We come to lie next to each other and I never want to stop kissing him again. I fumble with his pants' button and zipper, finding it difficult to focus while I lie next to him, my body exposed to him like never before. He lets me work down his pants, and I move closer and press against him, now only the thin barrier of his briefs between us.

Eventually, Tobias turns me until I'm lying on my back with him half beside, half on top of me. His right hand trails down my front, passing my breasts and my navel while he keeps kissing me, only softer now, carefully waiting for my reactions.

I sigh into his mouth as his fingers graze over my clit and then continue downwards. Nobody has ever touched me like this, and I doubt anyone else ever will. He gently trails his fingertips up and down between my legs, and I know what he's about to do and working up courage for.

But although I knew he'd do this, and although I want him to, I tense when he begins to push a finger into me. He immediately pulls it back again.

"Sorry, was it too soon? I didn't mean to hurt you."

I can hear the concern in his voice.

"No, you didn't hurt me. It's just... very... unfamiliar to be touched this way. It's... I still have to get used to it, I think."

I pull him in for a kiss, and when he keeps his hand on my breasts instead of moving it down again, I figure he needs some encouragement. I place my hand on his and let both of them travel down. I stop when we reach my clit and gently push his fingers down on it.

"Caress me here," I whisper, trying not to be shy about asking him something like that.

"Like this?" he asks throatily, gently circling my nub and rubbing over it with probing fingers.

I just nod, not trusting my voice. The pleasure he's inflicting on me is definitely worth working up the courage it took to guide his hand there.

For a while, my moans and his ragged breathing are the only sounds to be heard. Tobias kisses me along my jawline up to my ear and nibbles on my earlobe before kissing the spot behind my ear, causing me to shiver and my insides to long for more closeness to him.

His lips graze my ear as he asks, "Can I try my finger again?"

"Yes, please just go slow," I whisper.

My heart is thumping heavily in my chest as he moves his fingers further down and I open my legs a bit wider to allow him better access. His tongue and lips never lose contact to my neck as he gently pushes a fingertip into me.

I do tense, but will my body to relax around him. When I do, he pushes some more and I feel him go deeper. After another pause, his finger enters me completely. I gasp at the same time as he groans. I already feel full although it's just his finger.

I'm still not totally adjusted to him inside me when he begins to pull out again, only to sink his finger back into me. He sets a slow pace and I meet his hand with my hips, unable to keep still.

Tobias

Finally, my finger is all the way inside her. The warmth and the wetness of her feel amazing around it. My mind quickly brings up the question of how it will feel to be inside her not only with my finger.

The thought somehow embarrasses me, although she doesn't know about it. I don't want to be like some stupid guy who can't wait to have sex. Focus, I tell myself, focus on her.

And so I concentrate on the sounds she makes, little moans still guarded. I move in and out of her slowly, trying to match the rhythm her body sets for me.

"More," Tris moans into my ear at some point, and I'm unsure of what she's trying to tell me. She seems to notice my hesitation because she adds, "I want more" in a breathy whisper, and it's probably the sexiest thing she's ever said to me because of all the love and trust concentrated in it.

"Me too," I whisper and then start trailing kisses along her collarbone and over her breasts while I maneuver my body between her legs.

"Are you sure?" I ask once I'm settled there, because I don't think I will be able to stop once I'm out of my underwear. My tip is already where it needs to be, only the fabric preventing the contact.

"More than I'll ever be," she says, no doubt in her words, no fear, no insecurity. All I can make out is my own nervousness reflected in her voice, my own longing, my own emotions.

Tris' hands roam down my back and then her fingers hook into my briefs, and she pushes them down. I hold my body up to get them off, and when I lay back down, my erection is nudging at her entrance.

My heart runs wild, as if it wanted to reach out for her, as I push a little with my hips and my tip slides into her. A strange sound escapes my lips at the feeling of her around me. I open my eyes to look at her, and hers are wide with astonishment.

"Do tell me if you want me to stop, please."

She nods.

"Promise me."

"I do."

And then she raises her hips a bit in my direction, taking me in deeper, and we both moan. I lower my head to kiss her and I take my time to slowly push into her further while our tongues play together. I hope it helps to distract her from the pain when I push past her barrier.

Her body goes rigid for a second, and she pulls away from my lips, inhaling sharply.

"I'm sorry," I whisper, hating that her anatomy causes her pain while I only feel pleasure.

"We knew this would happen," she whispers, her voice soft and her body already relaxing.

Again, she flexes her hips to take me in deeper, and I push in the rest of me with a sigh. The need to kiss her now that I'm so deeply connected to her is urgent.

Tris

There's so much emotion in our kiss, and it's gentle at first, but then building quickly in intensity. It's weird feeling Tobias buried inside me, stretching me to accommodate him, and it's completely different to when his finger was in me earlier. Now he really fills me.

The momentary pain is gone, it wasn't too bad after all. From now, it should not hurt me much anymore. I relax my body around him and rest my hands on his bottom. I have a feeling he's waiting for a sign that he's allowed to move, respecting that I need a moment to adjust to him.

Eventually, I pinch his butt slightly and flex my hips, and he instantly reacts with a groan before he pulls out a bit and thrusts into me again. I moan at the sensation, a mixture of lust and deep desire for him paired with the slight pain from being filled by him.

We keep kissing, and with every thrust Tobias gets a little bolder, moving further out of me, so his thrusts become longer and gradually faster, too.

I get the sexiest view of him I've ever had and I can't get enough of watching him secretly while his lust builds. He has his eyes closed, so he doesn't notice me peeking up at him between kisses. It's not long until his body begins to shake, and for a moment I think he's going to come, but instead he freezes inside me. He cups my face between his palms, and blue eyes lock with mine.

"Tris, I love you so much," he whispers.

"I love you, too, Tobias."

A smile spreads across his face, and at this moment everything is just perfect.

"This feels amazing, I'm just afraid I won't last much longer," he says, his voice faltering at his last words, and he shyly looks away.

"Then don't hold back."

I want to feel him come inside me, want to experience his unfiltered desire for me.

"But you..."

"Don't worry about me, I'm fine. I won't... not today. Maybe next time. I have to get used to this first."

I don't want to tell him that I'm a little sore because I don't want him to stop. Instead, I choose to verbally challenge his composure.

"I want to feel you come inside me," I whisper into his ear before I bite his earlobe.

His reaction is like I expected: He groans my name and wraps an arm around my shoulders while he begins thrusting into me again, and although I know I won't climax tonight, the anticipation of watching him come undone is enough to satisfy me for the time being.

His thrusts become faster, though I'm sure he's still holding back for my sake, his breathing more erratic, and I notice the sweat underneath my hands on his lower back.

"Tris," he hisses the moment he falls over the edge, and for some precious seconds, he lets go of all his self-control. The feeling is so pure, so unfiltered, that I need to hold him tightly. I grab his bottom with one hand while the other strokes over his back with pressure until he stops trembling and his muscles relax.

He collapses over me, momentarily laying all his weight onto me. Normally he'd never do that, but this moment isn't normal. Not at all. I wrap my arms around him and kiss his cheek, feeling an overwhelming need to take care of him in this intimate moment.

It takes him a minute or two until his breathing is back to normal, and he pops himself up on his elbows. He seems younger as he looks at me in wonder, his cheeks reddened and his forehead still a little sweaty.

"You're okay?" I ask, and my voice sounds different in my ears, foreign, deeper.

"Yeah, more than okay." I see him swallow. "That felt incredible."

He starts to smile genuinely. It's contagious, and neither mine nor his grin go away as we kiss and I rake my fingers through his hair.

We've just had sex, and it was good, despite the initial pain. I don't mind that he didn't make me come. From what Christina and Marlene said, I wasn't expecting it anyway. We can continue practicing as soon as I don't feel sore anymore, and I'm looking forward to that. I grin even more into our kiss at the thought.

Tobias

Tris' fingers tangled in my hair while we kiss send more warmth through me. With the heat of the moment gone, I was starting to feel a little insecure, but this small gesture and her gentle kiss reassure me that she doesn't regret what we've done.

I pull out of her after a while, although I'd love to stay where I am.

"I'll get you something to clean yourself up," I mutter and take a short detour to the bathroom to get some paper. I didn't think about that before.

Once I have her back in my arms with her head on my chest, I wish we could stay in this moment forever. If only there was no world outside of this room... Here we can be ourselves, and we are safe.

Tris cuddles closer to me and places a leg over one of mine, stifling a yawn.

"Tired?" I ask and kiss her forehead.

"Mhmh," she hums. "It's been a long day."

"And night," I whisper.

"And night, yes." She kisses the skin over my heart, letting her mouth linger.

I'm tired, too. I can't believe all of today's events actually fit in one day. So much has happened. I don't think I've ever fallen asleep as content and satisfied as tonight, with the girl I love wrapped around me, naked, the sweet memories of our first time still on my mind.

DISCLAIMER: I own neither the Divergent world nor the characters, they belong to Veronica Roth.