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Chapter 44: Sunday, 1 day after initiation

Tobias

My arm and hand have gone numb from supporting my head while I lie on my side, watching Tris sleep. I couldn't find back into sleep ever since I woke up and had to use the bathroom an hour or so ago.

The moment I got back into my bedroom and saw her there, lying on her stomach with her hair all around her head and one naked leg sticking out from under the blanket, I was overwhelmed by my feelings for her. It's hard to place them all, let alone name them.

The longer I look at her, her features becoming more and more visible with the rising of the sun somewhere behind thick clouds on this gray morning, the more restless I feel. Fear creeps up inside me that's tied to the love, fear of losing her. It's a dangerous situation we're facing, and we're right in the middle of it.

Tris stirs in her sleep, and I hold my breath. I don't want to wake her. When she's calm again, I tuck a strand of hair behind her ear, carefully. I allow my fingertips to linger on her neck for a moment.

Oh, what we did last night... I have to smile at the memory. I feel so much closer to her now, and I can't wait until we can do it again. And again.

I have absolutely no idea how long it takes for a girl to be ready for that, though. Maybe she's still sore. All the world talks about the first time so much, but nobody ever mentions the second. I wonder why that is. It's not that we know all about it after doing it once.

I hope I'll be less nervous the next time, so I can focus more on Tris and last a bit longer. I was relieved that she didn't expect me to be a perfect lover last night. But next time, I want to make up for it. I want to please her the way she pleased me.

Perhaps I should have tried a bit more? I could have used my fingers on her after I came, but instead I fell asleep. A bit selfish, now that I think about it. But then, she'd said it was okay like that.

Now I'm the one having difficulties believing her.

I shake my head. Where are my thoughts going? It's unlike me to doubt her. I can't expect her to believe my words when I question hers. She hasn't given me any reason to do that.

My mind calms down again, replaying last night's events. I want to ignore everything and everyone else and just hold on to that feeling tightly. I can't resist running my fingertips from Tris' neck along her spine and push the blanket down a little to reach more of her skin. Warmth radiates off her.

She slowly wakes up under my caress, and the moment she opens her sleepy eyes and sees me, a small, yet happy smile tugs at her mouth.

"Morning," she mumbles.

"Morning."

I lean over and kiss her cheek. Tris hums contently and closes her eyes again.

"Don't stop," she says, and only then do I notice my hand is resting on the small of her back.

"Not without your permission," I reassure her as I motion my hand across her back.

We spend a peaceful morning cuddling in bed, not caring about anything apart from each other, until we can't ignore our rumbling stomachs any longer.

"I'll go for a quick shower. You want to join me?" I ask, sitting up.

"Uhm, I'll start preparing breakfast. I'm starving, you know?"

From the way she's biting her lip, I can tell that's not the only reason, but I refrain from asking her further. I know the lights in my bathroom are very bright.

"Okay, but I expect a steaming cup of coffee waiting for me when I get out," I say with a wink.

"Deal."

I kiss her forehead before I get up.

Tris

The day passes fast. Maybe it's because we had breakfast at almost noon, the latest I've ever had.

I arrive at the pit just in time for the announcement of the rankings. I squeeze my way through the crowd to my friends and stand between Christina and Uriah. Apart from the initiates, a lot of interested members have gathered here.

I look up to the makeshift stage, just a few metal boxes shifted together to build a small platform, where Eric is talking to Lauren. I know they'll have to wait another minute for Tobias. Thinking of him automatically makes me smile.

"So what happened that put this secret smile on your face?" Christina taps my hip with hers, beaming at me out of her dark eyes.

"You know what," I say and look back to the front where Tobias now climbs up onto the stage and stands beside Lauren.

"Oh, you have to tell me about it later," Christina squeals and hugs me from the side.

It makes me uncomfortable, because it causes everyone around to look at us. At least Uriah seems to be able to read the meaning out of the situation. I can see it in the grin he flashes at me.

I push Christina away from me.

"Not here," I hiss at her.

She looks confused, but lets go of me.

"Initiates — or better: New members!" Eric starts and the chatter of the crowd ebbs away. "You're all here to see the rankings and find out how well you've managed. Becoming a member is one thing, but becoming what you want in Dauntless is a different one. For decades, chances of new members have been determined by the rankings."

He pauses and looks around expectantly until people start clapping and cheering. It's obvious how much he enjoys being in the spotlight.

"However, we decided to change things a little this year. You know that you'll have to decide what profession you want to learn next Saturday, as you have to choose it a week after your exams. Leadership decided to postpone the announcement of the rankings until then."

What? Why?

Murmur echos from the walls as conversations start everywhere. There's skepticism and aversion in the air, but nobody dares to shout their protest out loud. Eric is a leader, and his personality isn't controversial for everyone.

I won't have to ask Tobias if he knew about this, and neither would I have to ask Lauren if I was to talk to her about this. They look as surprised and taken aback as everyone else.

Eric waves the pit to silence with an impatient gesture.

"We don't expect you all to understand why we do this. I'll give you the short version of the explanation: It's for the benefit of our new members! You have the opportunity to take a week for yourselves to think about what you want to do and to come to a decision without considering your position in the rankings. Max and I believe that'll allow you to choose more freely, without being mentally restricted by a number and the calculation of your chances to actually get the position you want."

I snort. Yeah, you and Max and Jeanine. This message bears Erudite's trademark.

"But now that you're all here, we'll use the opportunity to provide all of you with our newest gadget. It's a liquid tracking device that'll be planted under your skin, so you'll never get lost while you're on a mission outside of the compound. And don't worry, it doesn't work down here for lack of connection, so we won't know who you spend your nights with — or your lunch breaks."

Laughter emanates from the crowd, but not from me. This is it. They're really doing it. They're putting their plan into action. We're going to be injected with control serum.

I perceive people's movements around me through the thick fog that's clouding my mind and wraps itself around every thought I try to form.

I vaguely notice how people form lines under Eric's instruction, see how Christina and Will hold each other's hand so tightly that their knuckles turn white and watch Uriah force a smile onto his face when he looks at Marlene, who isn't the slightest bit worried.

I'm pushed into a line behind Lynn, and my feet go there without my command. I look up and see Tobias' shocked expression and Lauren who's asking him questions. Apparently she thinks he knows something she doesn't.

I shudder as my line moves forwards. Someone in the front must have started the injections. I force my feet to step forwards.

All those people. They're all going to be turned into mindless soldiers if our vaccine doesn't work.

As I move forward, I realize it's Eric who's going to inject me. I clench my hands into fists as anger rushes through me at the helplessness. Even if the vaccine works, it's only buying us time. We still haven't developed a decent plan. What have we been doing all the time? We must have been mindless ourselves to have been able to ignore the scale of this threat.

"No, it doesn't matter if he's at home. We'll inject him tomorrow then. He's not the only one who's not here, so don't worry," I hear someone explain to a woman in the line on my left. It's the doctor who checked on me in the infirmary last Friday.

"Stiff!"

I shudder upon hearing Eric's voice, not because of the stupid nickname he keeps using, but from its icy arrogance. I can't let him notice what he does to me, what this whole situation does to me.

I put as much confidence and grace into my composure as I step forwards to face him. His eyes may be cold, but mine can be, too.

"Still not Dauntless enough to face a needle?"

He raises the syringe between us, so I'm forced to look at it. The needle does look thicker than the usual ones. I won't allow him any triumph over me. Never. Not as long as it's in my power to prevent that.

"Go ahead," I say.

I sound strong and determined, a response to his ridiculous attempt to intimidate me. He can't, even if his plans scare me. I refuse to be intimidated by a man I look down upon with disgust. I brush my hair over my shoulder and tilt my head, businesslike. There's no need to spend more time in Eric's presence than necessary.

"Maybe you will make a good soldier after all," he smirks, and I want to wipe the smugness out of his face, or, better yet, punch it off.

I try to think of the way Tobias touches me to blend out Eric's calloused hand that holds my head to the side, but it's almost impossible without averting my eyes, and I certainly won't give Eric that satisfaction.

I flinch as he plunges the needle into my neck, but hold his gaze while he pushes the venomous liquid into me.

"Next!" he snarls after he's done with me, not even bothering to dismiss me properly.

I walk away and look around for Tobias, or anyone else of the Allegiant. It's surreal that there's only a few people in the whole pit who know what's really going on.

I run into Zeke, or he runs into me.

"Emergency meeting at my apartment, at five," he whispers as he walks past me.

DISCLAIMER: I own neither the Divergent world nor the characters, they belong to Veronica Roth.