Author's Note: Hey, everybody. I know it's been 84 years and 21 minutes and for that, I sincerely apologize. I'm ankle deep in my The Walking Dead catch up and my real life's been a little bit more hectic than I'd like it to be. Things are calming down now so hopefully, I can get back into the swing of things.
As Shattering's next A/N will emphasize, current events have also gotten to me, taking away a big chunk of my joy. The Shootings, the blatantly biased Media coverage, just all of the hate…more melanin doesn't make a person subhuman or irrelevant or unlovable. Black Lives shouldn't make a select group of assholes so uncomfortable, so hateful that we get harassed, hurt, and killed because of it but alas…damn. The World just sucks sometimes.
I'm trying not to let it get me all the way down but I have to admit that I am scared, not for myself, not really but for my loved ones, especially my little brother. He's 14 going on 30 (and already shaving and taller than my 5'11 and a half self!), he loves to draw and play Smash Bros and he makes the most troll-tastic Mario Maker levels you'll ever play. He's a doll who loves all of us with a sarcastic streak 3 miles long (courtesy of yours truly) but to some closeminded people, to all corrupt cops, he's just a bulls-eye and it hurts.
All I can do is keep going, though. I can't spend the rest of my life sad and scared. That would be like letting the bastards win and I'm not one for that.
Thank you for your patience and enjoy the latest chapter. More SCANDAL updates are in the works and The Walking Dead stories will be posted soon.
Disclaimer: "Honestly, it's not mine!"
"I called and set up an appointment to see Boaz on Thursday. Before, I would just show up to his place, to his job, expecting to be let in, expecting him to see me but…I want him to have a real say in things. It's always been me starting things, ending things, complicating things between us. I've had all the control and that's not fair so it's his turn to…he should get to decide what happens next between us. He should decide whether we're friends, lovers, or if things have come to an end. I hope that it'll work out for the best and that he's still willing to have me in his life as at least a friend but I'm prepared if he doesn't. Honestly, I wouldn't be shocked if he told me that he was done with me. I would be hurt but after everything I did to him? It would serve me right if he told me to go straight to hell…"
"I'm glad that you're being realistic, Olivia. I am but you can't go into your talk with him tomorrow expecting rejection. From what you've told me, you've had a fatalistic attitude towards your relationship with Fitzgerald from the beginning and that's led to nothing but heartache for both of you. You have to let that attitude go. Have faith. Don't think about what you would do in his position. Don't think about what you feel he deserves. Think of him. Think of your friendship with him, your romantic relationship with him. Has he ever given up on you?"
"No."
"Has he ever said that he hates you, even during your worst times?"
"No…well, he did one time when we still did 23 People Calls but it was playful…he didn't mean it. He once told me that love allows for forgiveness, that it can be bigger than any mistakes people can make but Linda…so many mistakes have been made since we had that conversation. He may not believe in that anymore. So much has changed in our lives since he said that, so much time's gone by…we've both changed so much."
"Yes, you have. Time does that, Olivia. Time and the experiences individuals go through during it, changes people but changing can be good, even if it's very difficult. You know that."
"I do know that…I just… I want Fitz to still want me around and I certainly want him to still love me because I love him but I also want those desires to be good for him. Overall, loving me and wanting me around hasn't been very good for him. I want to be good for him…"
/
The Providence Bunker was the best place for their meeting.
It was quiet, out of the way, soundproof, and very few people knew of it. Mellie was in New York for the next week, meeting with potential campaign donors and investors. Cyrus was at Camp David with Michael and Ella. Apparently, his doctor had ordered him to take 2 weeks off and had given him the choice of spending those 2 weeks in a hospital or somewhere peaceful of his own choosing. Of course, the doctor had recommended that he leave all electronics at home and not even think of politics but that would be like asking the old man not to breathe. Cyrus was truly a political animal. The Game was what made him happiest, the Power and the high stress lifestyle…
"Are you two gonna get back together?"
Abby Whelan had stayed near the stairs of the Bunker, practically vibrating with tension as time passed. The redhead was in a black pinstriped suit, the top underneath snow white and she was shifting on her feet, flexing her toes outside of her mile high black Louboutins. Olivia remembered all too well how tired her friend must be. The Grant Administration was always ankle to neck deep in some sort of crisis requiring long hours, mainlining coffee, and sleeping where you could. She had 72 hours of things to do in 12 with very little margin for error. Abby's phone chimed with notifications but her friend's blue eyes were locked on her, demanding answers, needing answers so she could plan accordingly.
Before, Olivia would be offended about anyone questioning her motives, her logic but another effect her Captivity had on her was giving her a large dose of needed humility. She was good at many things but far from infallible. She was flawed and it was okay to be flawed. It was okay for others to see her be flawed, be human…
"Are you asking me as my friend or as The White House Press Secretary?"
"Both. Look, Liv…you've been my friend for years and now Fitz is my friend and my boss and I know that you two have some sort of crazy cosmic love connection but if this is just gonna fall apart like the other times, if you're gonna get scared and guilty and run off with Jake or some other asshole again…"
"I won't."
"I don't want Fitz to get hurt. I don't want you to get hurt. You're both been doing so good and I don't want you to shoot yourselves in the ass and to be honest, I really don't want this Administration to get hurt. I don't, especially since it's being held together by duct tape, tears, and bubble gum on a good day. You make and break him all of time, Liv and Fitz is the Administration so whatever is or isn't going on, whatever you're gonna do with him, just…keep me posted, okay? I don't want all the dirty details but don't let me get caught with toilet paper stuck to my shoe, you know?"
"I won't, Abby and I'm not here to hurt him again. Not on purpose, anyway."
"Good. That's…good."
/
"Hi."
"…hi."
She had missed his face, his voice, everything about him. She hadn't seen him in person or talked to him at all since Cyrus' wedding. At first, it had been because she was trying to nail out a treatment plan, getting used to her therapies and medications but eventually, Olivia had kept her distance because of fear. In fact, many of the decisions, she made regarding the man in front of her had been fueled by fear. Fear of failure, fear of abandonment, fear of losing her reputation, fear of losing her Agency, just so much fear and it had led to so much pain, so much heartache for the both of them. Every time, she had told herself that it was for the best, that it was the right thing to do, the only sane thing to do but that was a lie. It was one of the many lies she had told herself so she could try (and fail) to sleep well at night…
The distance between them was eaten up in 4 long strides and Olivia was already reaching for him when she was enfolded in his strong arms. His body heat, the firmness of his body was apparent, even though his clothes. The blend of Aqua Velva, sandalwood, and spicy sweet that made up Fitz's scent surged into her nostrils like a long lost friend. Before she could stop it, a noise that could've been a laugh or sob escaped her, making her bury her face deeper in his shoulder.
"Hi.", she greeted again.
His reply was to squeeze her gently before placing her back on her feet.
"I'm so glad to see you, Livvie. I've missed you."
"I've missed you, too. I've been meaning to call you or come see you but I just…I had to…I meant what I said, Fitz. When we were all in the vestibule after I called you and I said that you were my choice and once I was stable enough, I'd be with you? I meant it. I still mean it and I…this isn't why I'm here. I'm doing all the talking and telling you what I want but that's not why I'm here."
"Why are you here, then?"
"I'm here because…I want to know what you want. I want to know how you feel about me and us and where we should go next. I've been the one controlling us and I appreciate that. I appreciate you trusting me with us but Fitz? I've been running us off course and into the ground for years. I've been running your trust and heart into the ground and I don't want to do that, anymore. I've been taking away your say in things or ignoring it and…I'm here to listen. Whatever you want or don't want from me, I'm here to hear it, hear you and then, we can move forward, one way or the other."
"…what brought this on?"
She couldn't blame him for being dubious, even if it hurt. The Olivia Pope he had come to know and (hopefully still) love was not one for emotional conversations, especially when it came to matters of the heart. She was a Runner and a Deflector. She would find ways to avoid such heavy conversations and when she couldn't, she would do whatever it took to shut them down and get the hell out of dodge. Yet, here she was in front of him, kicking over the Pandora's Box-esque can of worms.
"It goes back to when I was Gone…when They had me, when I thought that I was going to be killed, all I could think about were the choices I made, the people I hurt, the regrets I had. Mainly, I thought about you and us and why we spend most of our time unhappy and apart. It's my fault."
"Not completely."
"I know but it's mostly my fault and that should change so what do you want, Fitz?"
"You."
"As a friend or as more?"
"Both."
"Even now? After everything we've been through? After everything I dragged you through?"
"Olivia, you're my best friend and I love you. You are still and will always be the love of my life. I want a future with you."
"Okay but where would that future be? Would it be in Vermont with me making jam and you as the mayor? Is that still the endgame?"
"We could be anywhere, really. As long as we're together, I don't care. We don't have to be in Vermont. We could sell the House and pick someplace new. I don't have to be the mayor and you don't have to make jam and have babies, if you don't want to. And hell, you burn water, Livvie. How are you gonna make edible jam?"
"Actually, Mister, I am a very good cook and I've never burned water. I could learn how to make edible and delicious jams easily but I see where you're going with this. In a perfect world, we could definitely pull off being the Mayor and the Jam Maker with at least 4 kids but we don't live in a perfect world. We have to be realistic. The Vermont House is there and I want to live in it with you but the rest of the concept needs work."
"You'd be a better mayor than I would and 4 kids are a bit much, don't you think?"
"Yeah. If we did go that route, unless I had quadruplets, we'd be well into our 80s before our youngest graduates from high school. Well, you would be, anyway. How about we start with one of our own and do our best to make a healthy and happy blended family with Karen and Teddy? I mean, if they're willing to try…Teddy's young and doesn't really understand what's going on so he could adapt but Karen? She understands everything and then some."
"She does. She's mad at me for cheating with you but not nearly as pissed off as she is at Mellie for Andrew. She caught them…"
"I know what she saw them doing, Fitzgerald. I was there and it was horrifying."
"I should've killed him or forced him to resign, then. Maybe you wouldn't have been Taken if I had."
"No…thinking back on it, what happened to me was inevitable. If it wasn't warmongering rutting Republicans, then it would've been someone else. I've made a lot of enemies and so has Rowan. People aren't stupid. There aren't a lot of black Popes out there and it wouldn't take a rocket scientist to realize that I'm Command's daughter, especially if a weaker Operative in his Inner Circle was leaned on or paid off, one of his 'Sons'..."
"Jake?"
"He's the prime suspect, especially now that I've cut off all contact with him."
"You have?"
"Yes. He's always gonna Rowan's bitch whether he likes it or not and even if he somehow managed to get free and live, he's just not good for me, Fitzgerald. He never has been but I was stupid and scared so I let myself be his Damsel and occasional punching bag. I kept on using him and I feel like shit for it, not nearly as shitty as I feel for what I've done to you but still…"
"Still."
Warm silence fell between them and Olivia glanced between her white ballet flats and Fitz, trying to reconcile what was going on in her head. She had expected an outright rejection or for one or both of them to be yelling, screaming, crying right now but the conversation, as heavy as it was, was civil, friendly even. They were just being them, reminding her of how they used to talk on The Trail, when she was the Press Secretary in the early days, or during the 23 People Calls. Reality drove Linda's words from yesterday home. Not everything had to be a Worst Case Scenario, not everything had to be a melodrama…sometimes, even the hardest things could be simple at the Core. She had built this Meeting up to be a big bad monster under the bed but really….
"I'm an idiot. I should've just talked to you like this sooner. We'd be much better off."
"Like I said, it's not completely on you, Liv. I could've and should've done this. We're both to blame for where we are right now."
"True…so, what happens now?"
"You keep doing what you're doing. You're healing, Olivia and you're so much happier than you were, even before you were Taken. There's…there's a peace about you now and that should be cherished. As for us? I say that we take things a day at a time. There's some housekeeping to do on both of our ends but as long as we keep talking like this, as long as there's love between us…"
"There is. I love you."
"I love you, too…we'll work it out, Olivia. We will be together."
"…and it's gonna be great."
"…and it's gonna be great."