Chapter 15: Truth
Inuyasha stood up, his wife's sudden panic seeming out of place. He moved towards her. "Kagome, what-?" As he reached for her she stepped back again, away from his comfort. Her emotions were completely out of hand. She needed to go, to think, somewhere away from him.
"No! No- I'm sorry I just-" She stared into his terrified eyes, feeling tears beginning to burn at her own. "I need a minute… please, stay here… I'll be back." She turned before he could answer, running out the door into the night. She heard his voice calling for her as her heart pounded. She ran, letting the wind in her ears drown out the sound of him as she distanced herself from the hut, dodging into the woods to the only place that could help ground her when nothing made sense. Tears streamed down her face as she finally made it to the Goshinboku, the tree of ages, standing tall and offering her support as she finally stopped running.
Her mind swirled as she pressed her hands against the bark, her head bowed in a series of silent prayers for guidance, her choked sobs echoing into the night. This was wrong, everything was suddenly so wrong! She had been so ready, feeling like she was safe with all of her knowledge of future events. She had tricked herself into this sense of security, only to realize that she controlled nothing. She could change nothing!
It was all so clear now. She had all the answers she'd wanted, but she'd never even known the right questions. This was cruel, the way that fate had taken its revenge for her meddling. She couldn't even tell Inuyasha, or risk a sacrifice she could never make. Just as all of her turmoil was beginning to lift she heard her husband touch down behind her. She wished he had listened and stayed behind until she was ready to face him. She wished she knew what to do!
"Kagome…" He placed his hand on her shoulder, turning her away from the tree. She immediately fell into his arms, weeping. He wasn't happy about this either, but something was off with how she'd reacted. It wasn't until Myoga had mentioned this being their only child that she'd lost her composure. What worried him more was that she'd run from him. He never dreamed she would run away from him like that, even with this news, it just didn't make sense. He needed answers. "Kagome, what is going on? I…" He trailed off, hugging her tightly, feeling tears threatening to break at the thought of her refusing once again. She'd been keeping secrets for so long, but in this moment, he needed her. They needed each other. He would force her if he had to, but how in the world had it come to that? "I need you to tell me what's going on!" He yelled, unable to keep the panic from his voice.
She let out a shrill cry, her legs giving out as he held her up, pressing her to his chest. It was time to get it all out, there was no going back. His claws laced through her hair as she continued to wail, her voice hoarse with horrible pain. He couldn't stand it. It was time to tell her what he knew, and hope for the same in return. "I know you're keeping things from me Kagome…" He whispered, having waited to say those words for too long. "I've known since the day you returned… There's nothing you could tell me that would make me stop loving you." He choked back a tear, feeling her give up a little more at his words. "I have to know! You can't… You can't do this to me!" He fell to his knees before the Goshinboku, still cradling her broken form as his tears finally broke loose, falling into her black hair. "I need you, Kagome… You have to tell me…"
He left it at that, holding her tightly, showing her that no matter what he would love and protect her always. She cried, thinking about what he was asking, and what he was admitting. He had known since then? He had known all along that she was holding back? She felt sick with herself, understanding the selfish way she had let him suffer through knowing something like that. If she had only told him, at least some of it, he wouldn't have had to deal with it alone. The cruelty of fate would still not end. She had no option but to keep him in the dark. While before her secrets may have been only matters of love and war… they were now life or death.
"I-Inuyasha…" She sobbed, pushing herself out of his arms enough to look at him, sitting back on her heels. Her heart broke at his face. She had caused this pain he wore. She thought carefully about how to navigate the next few moments. He was deadly serious about wanting to know everything, and she would have to distract him enough to drop it, at least long enough to give her time to think. "You- Do you remember… The date... I told you to remember…" He nodded, holding her hand to his chest, a move that always comforted him, making him feel connected to her. He repeated the date, the one she had told him right after she had returned. It was the day, on her side, that the well opened. The modern calendar wasn't even in use yet, so she made him promise to never forget the exact day, even if the names of months and days meant very little to him. She smiled at his ability to recall it, thankful that he had done as she asked. "Good… I'm sorry that you have to endure this from me… I never meant to hurt you the way I have with my secrets."
She paused, allowing her words to calm him a bit. He sighed deeply, releasing a bit of tension. This conversation was long, long overdue. He braced himself for whatever truth she'd been keeping, knowing that it must be something big to have gone on so long. "I don't understand why you would keep things from me. You know that I love you, no matter what. It's all in the past anyway, so why let it go on like this?" He asked softly, stealing his heart for her answer. She looked away from his eyes sadly, letting them fall to her hand in his, pressed to his heart. Another glassy tear fell down her cheek as she sighed, hoping she could convince him.
"I… I have been keeping things from you… but it's all been to protect you." She started slowly. "The truth is, I only just realized what this meant… this child, how she will be the only one…" Her mind turned with careful planning. This was not what had upset her, but it was close enough to work without giving her away. This would work. It had to. "In my time… well… there was no you! There was no trace of you anywhere! That means that someday, before I'm even born, you and I will both have to die!"
He gasped softly as their eyes met, his grip tightening on her hand. He looked shocked, worried, and determined. Good, she thought. This is going well. "I've known this all along, but had hoped with the pregnancy that maybe even if we were gone… she could live." She let her words sink in. He stayed completely still, watching her tears drop slowly as she spoke. "If we needed… we could send her away… but…" Her eyes flashed with new sorrow. "She will be so alone…" She bowed her head and let herself weep at the thought. She felt genuine anguish for the fate of her child if this is how it ended.
He understood completely, knowing too well the life of a halfbreed. Alone beyond just losing one's family, but hated and cast off by both demons and humans. He had always known any child of his would be plagued by some of the same hardships he endured, but he had also been comforted in knowing they would have something he didn't. A father, who would protect them. A mother that would live to see them grown. He thought for the first time about what would happen if he couldn't. Who would be there for them if he was gone? As he was lost in this solemn thought Kagome continued. "I thought we could have many children… enough for them to have a family even if we weren't there. Now I know that she won't even have that… just… nothing at all. Nobody."
"Don't talk like that Kagome." He said, pulling her closer so he could hold her properly. "Nothing is set in stone. I'll protect you both, no matter what."
"But- what if we can't change it? What if we leave her alone?" She cried softly.
"We won't leave her alone. We'll… make plans for that, but we won't need them. Nothing will take me away from you, or our child. It's that simple." He spoke with such determination, and she knew he was right. He would be there for them, for as long as he could. All he'd ever needed was a reason to fight, and she had been that reason for years, but now he needed a reason to live, even if she wasn't by his side. Itsuki, their child who was even now resting with them, would be that reason.
He stood, carrying her to return home, thinking deeply about how he could safeguard his family if he failed them. Of course they had Sango and Miroku, but they were only human. They would grow old and die before his child is even grown, or so he supposed. Nobody really knew how they would age, or whether they would take after him or her. It was really a total mystery. Whatever the case, he needed to find a demon he could trust to keep his child safe if something went wrong, and his first thought was a crazy one. Sesshomaru was so good with Rin… No. No no no. He would sooner murder him and Kagome than look after a quarter demon. He was probably already disgusted by the thought of such a child, judging by how he'd reacted to Myoga telling him. Or did he? Myoga never explained.
As he made it back to their home he realized Kagome had fallen asleep. He entered, pleased to find Myoga hadn't run off yet, and set her on their bed, pulling the covers over her. He returned to the fire pit, sitting next to Myoga to resume their talks.
"Is your lady alright my lord?" He asked softly, keeping his voice low as not to wake her. He nodded, crossing his arms over his chest.
"She will be. Tell me something, Myoga. How did your meeting with Sesshomaru go?" The flea paled at the memory, not wishing to give many details. He had been as cold and hateful as ever, even in the face of such joyous news.
"He was… not as eager to help as I'd hoped." He said, trying to make it sound a little better than it was.
"That's enough sugar coating. Tell me what he said exactly." Inuyasha looked at him seriously, his patience wearing a bit thin. Myoga cleared his throat, deciding to just get it over with before Inuyasha's temper snapped.
"I believe his exact words were… 'It is none of my concern what happens to that woman, or…'" Myoga cleared his throat again, hoping Inuyasha would remember he was only the messenger. "...'whatever filthy creature she births.'" He finished the sentence quickly, looking up apologetically. Myoga had cringed at the harshness of the words, but Inuyasha didn't even blink. He considered it for a moment, sighing deeply.
"Yea… that sounds like him." He mumbled matter-of-factly, relieving Myoga with his calmness. He eyed the smouldering fire thoughtfully for a long moment before slapping his legs and standing. "Well he's bound to show up sooner or later for Rin. I guess we'll just have to convince him somehow." Myoga nodded.
"That's true my lord, although, because this child is only a quarter demon, there's still a chance you won't need Tenseiga at all." Inuyasha looked at him with renewed interest.
"Oh? You seemed pretty sure." He said skeptically. The flea wouldn't have put himself in harm's way if the risk wasn't dire.
"Yes, my lord, but truthfully I've never witnessed such a birth. This is the first quarter demon I've ever heard of. You are blazing a trail, the first to discover what will happen." Myoga's tone was reverent. He wished he could find any record of such, but there was simply no one else who had tried.
"Keh. We're nothin' if not original..." Muttered Inuyasha. He looked to the flea, thankful to have someone to guide him, even if he was a pain in the neck. "Thank you for warning us." He said simply. The flea nodded, happy to receive some rarely given praise.
"Happy to help, my lord. I'll be taking my leave, but I'll return often if you need me." Myoga bowed before hopping out the door, thinking vaguely about where he could find a rabbit for a meal and a ride. Inuyasha watched him go before dousing the fire enough to leave it overnight and heading to the bed to join Kagome.
He pulled her up, making her stir out of sleep, but only partially as he slowly undressed her. Once that was done he left her alone, pulling off his own garments before sliding in beside her. He held her close, needing to feel her contact, her warmth. There was nothing that would take her away. Some nights he had to remind himself of that. So much had been stolen from him, but with her, he had proven that he could keep her safe on countless occasions. He had earned the right to be her protector, her husband, and her mate. None of that would change when she made him a father, only become doubly important. He tucked his nose in her hair to wrap himself in her scent, the easiest way to fall asleep quickly he'd found. As he dozed he wondered about the features of his child. If it was a girl, he hoped she'd look just like Kagome. He would be pleased to have a little double to follow her around, calling her 'mama.' If a boy… still mostly Kagome. Maybe he just wanted the baby to look mostly human. It would be a much easier life that way. Kagome unconsciously pressed her body back to his, her butt nestling comfortably on his hips. A twinge of desire struck him, but he decided to let her sleep, feeling close to unconscious himself. She mumbled his name, clearly dreaming, making him smile softly against her hair. He closed his arms around her, letting everything else slowly fade away.