So, as you've all (hopefully) figured out, the last chapter didn't depict reality. Sorry if it left some of you confused. I think this next chapter makes up for it somehow. ;-)

Thanks for your patience!

Chapter 47: Monday, 2 days after initiation

Tobias

A high-pitched scream wakes me up in the middle of the night.

Tris!

She's sitting upright, her hands clenching the sheets, and after her scream, apparently when she realizes that she's awake, she starts crying.

I sit up and take her in my arms, trying to shield off whatever it is that she's dreamed of.

"Tris, it's okay, you're here. I'm here. It was a dream. Just a dream. You're okay. You're safe, Tris. You're safe."

I mutter soothing words to her while I rock us back and forth on the bed, my arms closed tightly around her. She's gripping my arms as if she was hanging on to them for dear life. I don't care that it hurts. This pain is obviously just a minimum of the pain that's shaking her.

When her crying turns first into sobbing and then into heavy breathing, I finally dare to ask what her nightmare was about.

I notice how difficult it is for her to put it in words, so I force myself not to interrupt her, even if what she tells me is confusing, as she's jumping back and forth between different scenes. It must have been a very vivid dream by the sound of it. Maybe it doesn't even matter that I don't get a chronological description. It's enough to hear the main theme and several horrible images that she describes in surprising detail.

"It all felt so real, Tobias. So real. It was as if I was in a twisted version of a fear landscape that I couldn't escape from."

"But now you're here, with me. I'm not going anywhere, I promise. That situation from your dream, it won't happen in reality. I won't let that happen. We'll stop them before anything bad happens."

I kiss the back of her head while she presses the side of her face to my chest to listen to my heart beat. I know that's what she needs to calm down further. I wish there was more that I could do right now, but I can't.

While I'm holding her, my thoughts wander off to my own nightmare that I woke up from earlier tonight. It's the first I've had since I share my bed with Tris. Some of its content overlaps with hers. Our fears are becoming alike in the face of the looming war.

When Tris' breathing is back to normal, I lay back down and take her with me.

"Try to sleep again, Tris. I'll fight the nightmares off with my bare hands if I need to," I whisper.

She chuckles sadly. "Thank you, that would be great."

And some time later, she finds back into sleep, and I follow her soon.

Tris

I wake up still in the same position that I fell asleep in with Tobias. With my hand over his heart, I think about my dream again. It felt so threatening, so real. Apparently, I carry more fears around with me regarding the war than I'm consciously aware of.

And then there's Tobias. We've become so much closer during those last two days that I wonder if he'd be showing up in my fear landscape again in another context than he used to if I went in there these days: He's become so important to me that the thought of losing him physically hurts me.

I can't.

I won't.

He promised me, and so far he kept all his promises. I know this one is partly out of his control, but it's still soothing to hear him say it.

I shut my eyes tightly to force away the images from my dream that are still hunting me and fist my hands into Tobias' shirt.

I need him in my life.

I need him.

I turn around enough to kiss him, right on his lips. He doesn't wake up at first, but I want him to.

I need him. I need him to kiss me back. Now.

I press my lips on his again, and this time, he wakes up and gives me a surprised look before his lips slowly start moving against mine.

But it is too slow. I want more, and I want him to make me feel wanted, needed, too.

I swing a leg over his hips and roll onto him, my hands roaming along his sides now. He seems astounded by my actions, but doesn't protest as he starts stroking my back under his shirt that I'm wearing.

Our kisses heat up, and so do our bodies. I sit up and pull him with me, so that I can take off his shirt. I love sitting in his lap like this, with his arms around me.

I need him. But I need him to be less guarded.

"Take off my shirt, Tobias. I want to feel you," I encourage him.

"Do you think this is the right moment, after last night?"

"Please, Tobias, I need you. I need this closeness that we had two days ago."

It's all I want: The closeness. I don't care about anything else.

"Are you sure?"

"Please, undress me," I say. I'm getting strangely impatient.

And finally he takes off my shirt, exposing my naked chest to him. My nipples slightly harden in the cool air. That's apparently what he needed to forget about his doubts, as he kisses and sucks each of them until they are hard.

I lean back to give him better access, steadying me with my hands on his thighs, until he kisses a trail up over my collarbones and neck to my mouth. I kiss him eagerly while I press my core against his hardness. This feels so right, and now that I know how it feels to have sex with him, I'm not as nervous anymore as I was the first time. I'm sure it'll even get better every time.

I get up on my knees so that Tobias can pull down my panties, but it's still some fidgeting involved to get them completely off. I pull down his underwear, too, making us even, before I sit back onto his lap.

My right hand travels down over his muscular chest and abs before I wrap it around his shaft and stroke him. I enjoy giving him pleasure. Every single one of his groans goes straight to my belly to feed my growing longing for him.

By the time I stop and take my hand away, Tobias' breathing is coming in rags. He pulls me closer to him.

"Do you want to try it like this?" he asks, his voice throaty.

"Yes," I whisper.

I have to raise my body to be able to shift flush against him, and he reaches down between us to direct himself to my entrance. I kiss him as I slowly sit down in his lap, taking him in. It's still weird, but good weird. A sigh escapes my lips the moment he's fully inside me. This is the closeness I was craving for, and it feels as if he was even deeper inside me than the first time.

I begin moving up and down on him then, and even the awkwardness while we try to find a way of rolling our hips against each other in this position doesn't make me self-conscious: It reminds me that he's all new to this, too, and somewhere under his strong façade he's just as inexperienced and nervous as I am.

Tobias

Being inside Tris again is better than any memory of this feeling could ever be. It takes us a bit to figure out how to move while we're both sitting. It's easiest when I hold her by her waist and help steady her while she moves above me. I can't really do much. I wonder if Tris is aware that she's the one who sets the pace and I'm just following her with my hands. It's so sexy to have her in my lap like this, and I immediately love this: Her above me. Maybe it's because I didn't dare to imagine that we'd be doing it like this so soon after our first time.

But there's not much time to think, as her lovemaking consumes me and overtakes all my senses one after the other. I have to remind myself not to grab her too hard and to let her determine our rhythm. I assume it's a good way to find out what she likes.

We take our time and take little breaks to share deep kisses. Over time, we get better at kissing and moving our bodies at the same time. Tris sliding up and down on my length is heavenly, and the sensation is multiplied while we kiss.

Too soon, I feel my release build and my stomach tighten. I want to stop and take a break to calm down again, but Tris doesn't let me.

"Don't stop, Tobias," she moans, although I'm almost sure she isn't as close to her own climax as I am to mine.

It's hard to resist her and the sensations she's causing in me, and it's not that my body would ever want to stop this at all, even for just a minute.

Instead, my lust takes over, and right before I come I have a need to hold her as tightly as I can. I grab her waist harder, and, in response, she pulls my hair so hard that it hurts. I wonder, very briefly and in the very last corner of my mind that isn't consumed with lust, if her loud gasp is caused by pleasure or pain.

I can't hold myself back any longer and surrender myself to Tris and the orgasm that claims every single nerve of me.

Tris

"Don't stop, Tobias," I plead.

I don't want him to go slow and take a break, not anymore. What I want is him giving up his self-control. It fuels my own desire and makes me bolder to know that he's giving up control. He's close, his body already shaking.

And then he lets go and his grip on my waist tightens as he takes over our rhythm from me, directing me the way he needs it. I gasp at how intense it feels and pull his hair to show him how much I enjoy this.

His orgasm is powerful. I love how I can do this to him, and I love the intimate closeness that follows right after it. It's impossible to share this and not feel closer afterwards.

I pepper his face with kisses as I roam my hands down over his back, over his scars and the ink that covers them.

"Tris," he mutters.

I'm not sure if he wants to say something else or if he just wanted to say my name.

"Yes?"

"I hope I didn't hurt you. I was... It's hard to control myself when I... you know."

"Don't worry so much. You didn't hurt me."

He gives a sigh of relieve. He really must have worried. I lean over and kiss him once more, sweet and tender.

"I'd like to return the pleasure to you," Tobias whispers seductively in my ear.

I hold my breath.

"I could use my fingers on you..." He pauses. "Or my mouth."

I gasp. I wasn't expecting that. It's not that I wouldn't want to try it one day, I heard it feels good, but I don't feel ready for it now. And besides, we've just had sex. It's not that I'm coming right out of the shower.

"Uhm, can we try that another time?" I ask.

"Yeah. But can I stroke you some more?"

I swallow. I think I know what he wants. He wants to make me come, too. But as much as I want it, there's too much on my mind, now that the immediate rush of desire is gone. I don't think I'm able to let go enough between this night's nightmare and today's task. How can I explain that to him without hurting him?

"Tris?"

He tilts my head up with his fingers under my chin. I notice the reddish glow on his cheeks, but also his frown as I study his face.

Don't be a coward, I tell myself. Be honest.

"I don't know if now is the right time for that," I mutter, and I feel embarrassed as I admit to him that I'm afraid I can't distance myself enough from the threats hanging over us to let myself go the way I'd need to.

"Maybe I can help you forget..." he suggests.

"You already did that while we had sex, you know? I wanted to be close to you more than anything else, and during those moments, I already forgot."

I can see that he's unsure, but my biggest need now is to lie in his arms and to cuddle up to him. The rest can wait.

"Can I just lie in your arms? Please?"

XXX

I have to promise Tobias that I'll be careful while outside of our compound. It's obvious that he hates that he cannot come with us to Candor. Maybe he'd prefer me to stay here in Dauntless, but I can't.

During breakfast, I decided to accompany Will and Christina. It is a chance to at least do something, plus it'll keep me occupied.

We kiss goodbye three times before I make my way to the roof:

The first time is right after I've made my promise to take care of myself. We stand in his hall and sling our arms around each other while we kiss. It's a kiss of love.

The second time is when I put my hand on the handle to open the door and leave. Tobias clasps my wrist and pulls me back into his arms and into a heated kiss. His hands are all over me, and his tongue leads mine while we kiss. I basically melt against him, the tightening in my belly, which calmed down after sleeping with him this morning, suddenly returns.

I lean back against the door and pull him with me. My hands on his sexy bottom push his groin harder against me, and it doesn't leave his body unaffected. He groans and moves against me as one of his hands holds my head and the other kneads my breast. It's a kiss of passion.

This, this exactly, is what I like most, I realize. I want him to let go and touch me for real.

By the time we break apart, because I really have to go, we're both out of breath and my panties are surely moist.

The third time is after I turn around in the hallway and run back to him to give him one last kiss. I just had the urge to do that while thinking back to our lovemaking.

I simply press my lips on his and let them stay there a few seconds. It's a kiss of reassurance.

Now I am ready to go.

Tobias

I take a moment to steady myself, and then I clean up the kitchen and do the dishes from our breakfast. We ran out of time to do it together.

I check the time and get ready to leave. Although I'm aware I'll make myself vulnerable with this step, I'll have to talk to Zeke. I hope I won't regret it later, but I think I need his advice.

DISCLAIMER: I own neither the Divergent world nor the characters, they belong to Veronica Roth.