DISCLAIMER: I own neither the Divergent world nor the characters, they belong to Veronica Roth.

Chapter 57

Tobias

It's been hard work to smuggle Caleb and Marlene into Dauntless. I had to wait with them in an empty building close to the compound while Lauren went to fetch some black clothes for them, as they were both wearing Erudite blue. Time stretched endlessly until she came back.

We then had to insistently explain the severity of the situation to them.

After spending almost an hour with them on our way through the city and during the time we had to wait for Lauren, I finally believe that they must have been brainwashed in some awful way. They really don't know anything anymore, their personalities are gone. It's only their bodies that are left. I wonder if Tris and Uriah got to witness that when they exchanged their own freedom against theirs.

Once we had brought them safely inside, Lauren took over the thankless task of waking up Zeke and Shauna to tell them what happened this morning, while I set off to my apartment to get the items Tris has left on my nightstand.

My apartment doesn't feel like home anymore without Tris around. It is hard to be here, knowing how much has changed in just a few hours. I sit down on my bed and move my hand over the side where Tris has slept until what I assume was early morning.

Why didn't I notice that she woke up and left? If only I had woken up, I could have stopped her, or gone with her.

I then look at the nightstand and swallow past the lump in my throat as I see that the communicator is blinking, announcing a new message.

Grabbing the device is like a reflex, it happens without thinking. But pushing the play button to hear the message costs me a lot of determination. I'm afraid of what I might hear. What if these are the last words I ever hear from Tris?

My hands are shaking as I direct my thumb to the red dot on the screen that starts playing the recording.

And all of a sudden, Tris' voice fills the room like so many times before, and I listen breathlessly.

"Tobias... I... I know that you don't like what I'm doing. If you've heard what Caleb recorded in the lab and have seen Jeanine's video message, you know why I have to do this. I can't let Caleb die because of me. He's in this because of me. This is my fault. I was the one who brought him into this, who asked him to help us and take risks without realizing how big they were. I didn't think about that when I made the decision to ask him for help. That was selfish, I realize it now. I feel terrible, because I either have to let him down - or you.

But I want you to know that I'm going to turn myself in for Caleb because he needs my help, and I know you are stronger than he is. You're so strong, Tobias. I trust you to get me out again, I know you will. You have our friends at your side, trust them. I know I'm asking a lot from you, but that's only because of how deeply I believe in you.

You have to believe in yourself, too.

I also hope you can still believe in me. Please... don't hate me. I love you so much, Tobias. So, so much. I... I didn't want to leave you."

"Then why did you?" I shout at the gadget in my hand and throw it across the room. It crashes against the wall and then falls to the floor, and parts of the plastic cover break away. I instantly regret my action. What if I've destroyed it together with the messages it contains?

I stroll over and pick up the pieces, then put them back together. For a moment, I'm concentrating so hard on what I do with my hands that I manage to forget how terrified I am. But then Tris' message plays again and I lean against the wall and slide down until I'm sitting on the cold floor with my head on my knees.

xxx

I hate how all eyes are on me as I enter Zeke's apartment. I feel naked without Tris, as if they could all see too deep into my soul. As much as I'd like to just pretend to be Four, right now I can't. It is too much effort to hide my feelings, my fear. I need all the energy I can gather to save Tris.

I join the group and look around. The others look as shaken as I feel, especially Shauna. Then I notice that Caleb and Marlene are not with us.

"They are in the bedroom, sleeping. We locked them in until we know what's gong on with them," Lauren answers my unspoken question.

"They really have no idea who they are anymore?"

"So it seems. They have a general knowledge about how certain things work. They still know how to speak, eat, walk or greet someone. But apart from that, their memories must have been wiped."

"How is that possible?"

An image of Tris plays in front of my eyes: She looks at me curiously while she asks me who I am.

I shake my head to get rid of it.

Not now. Not now.

I need to stay calm.

Will clears his throat. Will, of all people. I wonder what he'll say when he hears the recording from inside the lab. Did he know? Can we still trust him?

"When I was still in Erudite, there were rumors that there was a different serum for each faction. We know the serums of Dauntless, Candor and Amity, while the other's are subject to speculation. It's top secret, even in Erudite.

Anyway, the rumors were about a memory serum, powerful enough to wipe all the memories you have gathered in a lifetime off your mind. You take it - and you forget who you are. It weakens the synapses in your brain, that means it takes away the connections between different areas. The memories still remain somewhere in here," he points at the top of his head while speaking, "but they become disconnected. The hippocampus, that's the part of your brain that coordinates your memories, can't access them any longer.

I always thought it was just that: A rumor. But now I'm not so sure anymore. The symptoms Caleb and Marlene show are exactly how I'd expect them to be after taking a serum like that."

"How long does the effect persist until it wears off?" I ask, shuddering. This sounds horrible.

I miss neither the nervous glances they all exchange nor the sob Shauna reacts with.

"What?" I address Will.

"It's permanent."

xxx

While I was listening to Tris' message in my apartment, Lauren already shared her version of this morning's events with our reduced group, but now they want to hear what I have to say. They long for an explanation that links the pieces together.

I'm not in the mood to talk much, so I put Caleb's communicator on the table and tell them that Tris got the password from her brother and wrote it down for me. They have to hear the recording themselves.

I push play.

There's a kind of fight going on. Something clatters on the ground. Someone is shoved around, footsteps echo.

"So, I repeat this one last time: Tell me how you damaged my plans with this serum. I'll find out what's in it by looking through this computer anyway, so we can fasten things up a bit. You betrayed your faction. If you decide not to collaborate now, you're going to be punished severely for this treason. And believe me, not by Candor standards."

Jeanine's voice is icy while she threatens them.

"I already told you I won't work with you. You planned the mass murder of innocent people. There's no way I'm going to stay in this faction anyway!" Caleb spits at her stubbornly.

Who would have thought he could be so much like his sister?

"Fine, but don't think you'll get away with just becoming factionless. I'm going to let you disappear."

There's a gasp and another male voice asks, "Disappear, how?"

I should have known he would be the perfect lackey for Eric, ambitious and cruel. I just forgot about him, just let him get off my radar. He just wasn't important anymore, not even worth thinking about.

I cling my hands into fists.

I should have known.

"Erudite has its own way to do that. It's none of your business, Peter! - So now to you, Cara. Your fellow traitor has chosen not to collaborate. How about you? I'll get it out of you anyway. May I remind you that we produce all the faction's serums? The whole variety, including truth serum? Or do you want to disappear, too?"

After a pause, Cara answers shakily, "If I choose to speak, can I stay in Erudite? I don't want to waste my life and career for those people I don't even know."

"Cara!" Caleb gasps.

"Shut up, factionless!" Peter snorts.

Feet shuffle and Caleb groans.

"Perhaps you should have thought about this earlier," Jeanine replies arrogantly, ignoring the two boys completely.

"I know. I was being stupid because I thought I had chances with this initiate, but now -"

"You thought you had what?" Caleb blurts out.

"If you can't keep him quiet, get him out," Jeanine says to Peter, annoyed to be interrupted again.

Cara resumes speaking after Peter has apparently escorted Caleb out of the room.

"Now I see what a coward he really is. He doesn't support his faction's ideals at all. I admit I was terribly wrong by doing what I have done."

"And yet again, we have another example for the flaws of human nature. I will see how useful your information will be for me, and then I'll decide what will happen with you. So, what were the main ingredients for this serum?"

"It was the original control serum, peace serum and the blood of two Divergent," Cara says, offering Jeanine the information she's craving for.

I still can't believe how quickly she crumbled. She could at least have tried to lie. But instead, she just switched sides.

I can actually hear Jeanine's eyes light up at this news.

"Divergent? Obviously there has to be people like them involved. They always mess things up. Who is it?"

"Unfortunately I don't know. But I know who knows them."

"That's finally some valuable information you have there. So, who knows about them?"

"Four, the instructor in Dauntless. I also suspect Tris Prior to know one."

"To know one? Or to be one?"

"I never asked myself this, but it could be possible."

"I see. Let's find out."

Then she orders another soldier, whose name is unfamiliar, to accompany them over to Erudite, and they leave, their steps fading into silence.

The recording continues until it automatically stops after reaching a duration of 30 minutes, but there's only quiet from this point on. I fast-forwarded it earlier to check, to find something more, but there's nothing.

"I can't believe that Cara..."

I've never seen Will this shocked before, not even in his fear landscapes. I can't blame him. His sister just turned against us.

"Is it true? Is Tris Divergent? Are you?" Shauna asks. "You can't keep it to yourself any longer. Now that our siblings are still in there with those crazy people it concerns all of us."

The tension is palpable. I wish I could see a way to keep this to myself, to keep this private, but I don't. They'll know after watching the video message Tris got anyway. And what does it really matter anymore?

I nod.

"We both are."

I take in everyone's reaction.

Will doesn't seem to care much, still too caught up in Cara's betrayal, while Christina nods as if she now understands things that she didn't understand before.

Lauren stares down at her hands in her lap. Maybe she's thinking about outing herself, too?

Shauna is looking at me as if I'd just grown a second head, and I think back to one of our earlier meetings and the disgust she showed for Divergent.

Zeke is busy thinking. He's not good at hiding his emotions, and I think he just made the connection between Tris and Uriah both being Divergent and turning themselves in to Jeanine while carefully monitoring his girlfriend's reaction to this revelation.

"How come I've never seen this?" he finally asks.

What am I supposed to say to this?

I jump at the wild knocking against the bedroom door. Apparently, Caleb and Marlene have rested enough.

"Hey, hello! Is anybody here? Can anyone let us out, please?" Caleb shouts.

"Okay, here we go again," Lauren sighs as she gets up to unlock the door.

Both Caleb and Marlene stumble out, looming around at all of us.

"You locked us in. You locked me in with a girl! And we had to share the bed to get some rest, and we don't even know each other. Where I come from, this is considered totally inappropriate," Caleb rants.

Marlene chuckles. "As if we did anything inappropriate... I think you have no idea about how to do that."

"Well, I know more about the theory of that than you do."

"Who cares about theory? It's about practice!"

"Wait, wait! Does it mean you can remember who you are again?" Lauren interrupts their banter. "Cause that sounds a lot like you."

Caleb looks up to the ceiling, as if he could find memories of who he used to be there.

"No, nothing," he finally sighs, frustrated.

"I remember that I belong in a faction called Dauntless, that's why I'm wearing black. And you must all belong there, too," Marlene says, pointing towards Caleb.

"That's still very general knowledge. We told you about that before we sneaked into the compound," I reply, caught between hope and doubt. "Don't you remember anything personal? Something, anything, about your family, your friends, your boyfriend?"

"I didn't know I had a boyfriend," she sighs, sadness washing over her face. "That's horrible. I have a boyfriend and can't remember him? Is it you?"

Zeke chuckles, which is totally inappropriate in this situation, and I shut him down with a glare that makes him turn his laughter into coughing before I tell Marlene that I'm not her boyfriend.

But it's necessary to give her and Caleb more information on what has happened in the last days. They need to know how serious all this is, so they won't blab to anyone. I personally think we should keep them locked in anyway, as long as we haven't solved this crisis.

"So can we take a look at the video now? We're still missing that part of the puzzle," Christina asks after we've filled in Caleb and Marlene on more details.

"Yes, we can. And then we can go over to making plans before we're running out of time," I say, for once being completely fine with Christina's curiosity.

As I set up the small video player, Caleb reaches for the communicator that's still on the table.

"I know this! I have one of those, too!"

"Caleb, this is yours," I explain impatiently. I don't want to get my hopes up again that his memory could return.

"Oh, is it?"

"Yes, it's protected with a password you made up. It cost Tris lots of effort to try to figure it out, and in the end, she couldn't. You sent her a message with it before you were taken by Jeanine."

"Can I do any harm if I try a password?"

"What do you mean by 'harm'?"

"Could I damage the device if I get it wrong?"

"No, you can't," Zeke reassures him. "It allows unlimited trials, which was lucky for us."

Caleb holds the communicator with both his hands and stares at it. Then he closes his eyes in concentration, and his thumbs follow a pattern in the air over the screen without touching it.

We all stare at him.

And I catch myself hoping again.

When Caleb opens his eyes again, he looks confident. His thumbs now type in a few letters on the little screen:

"ANCBADE".