Warning: This chapter contains mentions of self-harm. If this triggers you, please skip the parts in italics.

DISCLAIMER: I own neither the Divergent world nor the characters, they belong to Veronica Roth.

Chapter 58

Tobias

"Wait, how did you do that? How can you remember the password?" Christina is the first to ask.

"I... I don't know," Caleb stammers, and, given that he looks as surprised as everyone else, I believe him. "I just tried to think of nothing and move my fingers, and it worked."

"But that means that your memories are still somewhere inside your head," Christina concludes.

"Maybe more will return over time. The brain learns by using different channels, and everything it learns combined with movements will be easier to access than what we just read, for example. Same goes for memories that are tied to strong emotions," Will explains in typical Erudite manner. "Can you remember anything else?"

Caleb shakes his head, still staring at the device in his hands.

"But there's hope now," Will encourages him with a friendly slap on his shoulder, which eventually makes him take his eyes away from the little screen.

"But Tobias initially wanted to show us a video, we should watch it. Then you can continue with making plans," he says. Obviously, the attention he's getting makes him uncomfortable.

So in the end, even I have something in common with Caleb.

I do him the favor and set up the video player while everyone gathers on the couch or behind it to watch.

"Caleb, Marlene, both of you are in this video. Are you sure you want to watch it?" I ask, waiting for them to give me their okay. They have no idea what they're about to see, and it could end with them either breaking down or getting more memories back. The latter is what causes me to want them to stay.

"Like I said, we should watch it. It can't get much worse. And I think I'm going to find out how I hurt my arm," Caleb says.

I swallow. Yes, he will. They must have given him some painkillers, or he would definitely feel the wounds underneath the bandage I told him not to take off while we were waiting for Lauren on the roof.

"And you?" I ask Marlene. She seems unsure.

"I'll try, but if it gets too much, I'll leave."

"But you can't go wandering around the compound. You can only go next door, into the bedroom."

"I think you all have already made that pretty clear," she replies as she sits down on the armrest of the couch.

"Okay, let's start then," I sigh and push play.

The face of Jeanine Matthews shows up on the screen. She looks directly into the camera.

"Tris Prior. I hope this message finds its way to you. I'll safe us some time and get straight to the point.

I know you have knowledge about the secret operation Dauntless is realizing in cooperation with Erudite. I guess you didn't choose your accomplices wisely enough. How could you imagine you could really stop us on our way? You and a handful of so-called friends?

Listen, I'm convinced that you are Divergent, and I know that at least one of your friends is Divergent, too.

I'll give you two options now: You can stay where you are and I'll have you have an 'accident' soon - you know I have good connections to your faction. The other option is to turn yourself in to me. You could help us investigate what's wrong with your brain, so we can improve our serums. That way, you could make yourself useful after all.

I'm sure you ask yourself why you should do this. Well, I'll give you a few reasons."

She takes a few steps back, away from the camera, so that Caleb, Lynn and Marlene come into focus. They are sitting on silver metal chairs, their eyes empty, staring into nothingness.

Jeanine picks up a tablet computer from her desk and types something.

"Let's see... I'll give you a brief demonstration of the power I have over these three people that must be familiar to you," she says with an arrogant smile. "I have complete control over them."

She types in more commands, and Marlene gets up and walks across the room to a ladder that is set up against the wall. She doesn't hesitate to climb it, although it leads nowhere, just up. At the highest point, about five meters from the floor, she stops and turns around.

"I could make her jump, just like that. She wouldn't hesitate. She couldn't hesitate," Jeanine says, letting Marlene climb down the ladder a few steps before making her jump. It's not dangerously high, but enough to twist her ankle. The pain is visible for just a second on Marlene's face before it is gone again, and she stumbles back to her seat.

"This was just to give you an idea of the concept. I could force her to jump off a ledge if I wanted to. Mh, what else? I could also make your friends turn against you. This girl here has a sister in Dauntless, doesn't she?"

Lynn walks to the opposite side of the room and picks up a gun. She clicks a bullet into place, then aims it at the hologram of a person that's conjured up by a small machine on the floor: It's Shauna's silvery silhouette that's projected there in the middle of the Erudite lab, and Lynn shoots at her sister without showing any emotion. The bullet leaves a hole in the opposite wall.

"You see how simple it is? I could turn her into a weapon against you, and you wouldn't be able to stop her. Well, unless you kill her first. Choices, choices...

And finally, I could combine both methods."

Caleb now walks towards the camera, then stops next to Jeanine.

"I could make him erase your family first, and then you, or himself. He thought he was so smart, but he's not. See how easily I'll have him hurt himself?"

She takes a knife from behind her and hands it to Caleb, who accepts it and starts cutting his forearm with it a few times. Blood pours out of the wounds although they're not deep, just deep enough.

"You know, if I made him cut a little deeper, use a little more force, more determination - that wouldn't be too healthy for him, would it?" Jeanine smirks while Caleb wields the knife over the inner side of his wrist, opening his skin with it.

It is horrible to watch, and there surely will remain scars from this action.

Several long seconds later, he drops the knife and it clatters to the ground. His arms hang loosely by his side, blood running down his left arm and dropping to the floor while his composure never changes.

"Don't worry, our nurses will take care of him - for the next few hours, I might say. After that, I can't guarantee for his safety, and neither that of the girls.

But nothing bad has to happen to any of them. You can save them, if you're ready to come to Erudite and exchange yourself for one of them. Bring your Divergent friend, whoever it is. My offer is a simple one: One person against another. Our scientists need dysfunctional individuals like you for their research. Bring a third Divergent and all of these innocent young people will regain their freedom.

And may I add, just in case, that I suspect your trainer Four to be Divergent or to know one? He'll be the next person I'll turn to if I don't see you in Erudite soon. And there are rumors that say you wouldn't want that, would you?

So, that being said, I'll leave it to you to decide what is best for you, your family, your friends and also for our society. I hope you're not one to run away from her responsibilities. I expect to see you soon."

That's it. The screen automatically turns black, and my thoughts are just as dark. I hardly notice the other's reactions as I'm so lost in my own thoughts.

Only after a while I take a look around: Marlene is rocking back and forth with her head in her hands, Caleb is looking at his arm, Shauna is crying in Zeke's arms, Will is staring into nothingness while Christina is staring at everyone else and Lauren is walking up and down the room.

Everything seems so surreal.

"I remember jumping off that ladder," Marlene whispers into the silence. Heads turn towards her in surprise.

"You do?" Christina asks.

"Yes, vaguely. I remember climbing up and looking down from the highest point. And the pain in my ankle, I know now where it's coming from. I mean, not only from seeing myself in that video, but also in my head. I remember landing on the tiled floor."

"That's a great start," Christina encourages her, and Marlene smiles. How she manages to smile despite everything, though, I can't understand, but maybe I don't have to.

"I also remember how I cut myself, and how they cleaned my wounds afterwards and injected me with painkiller serum. I could feel all the pain of what I was doing, but I wasn't able to show it. It was a horrible feeling, as if all the pain was locked inside me," Caleb tells us. "I also have vague memories of the lab's layout. Can I have a pencil and paper, please?"

"I'll get you some," Zeke replies and gets up to fetch what Caleb asked for. Shauna looks even more lost without him by her side, even if he's just rummaging through their kitchen cupboard. Why anyone would keep paper and pens in their kitchen cupboard is something I'll never understand. But then it's Zeke and Shauna, one of them more chaotic than the other. I couldn't share an apartment with either of them.

"You could save my sister," Shauna whispers suddenly after wiping the tears off her face.

At first, I don't know why I'm so irritated, but then I realize it's her tone and her attitude. It's accusatory, not just pleading.

"You're Divergent, you could turn yourself in like Tris, and then Lynn could be free and have her memories back after a while."

"I don't think it makes sense to turn myself in. I'm trying to get them out - all of them - with a plan and the help of our group."

"Don't you just say that cause you're not brave enough to save Lynn? She's innocent!"

"And I am not? How is it my fault that Jeanine kidnapped her?"

"You're Divergent!"

"What? How does that make me guilty?"

"You're not a true Dauntless, you don't think like we do. We should have acted long ago, instead we waited and wasted time looking for ideas because you talked about how we needed a strategy first. We spent too much time talking instead of acting!"

"May I remind you that you were fine with our strategy until today?" I shout at her, copying her loud voice.

"That's cause you manipulated us! You were just afraid to act, because you're Divergent! You're a coward!"

I'm stunned. Is this still Shauna, who I considered to be my friend?

"Shauna, enough!" Zeke scolds her. I've never seen him talk to or look at her as cold as he does now. And behind his coldness, I see his pain and his anger. I wonder when I learned to read him like that, surprised that I can.

"He and Tris made us act the way they wanted! We've been following their ideas all the time!"

"I said it's enough. We followed their ideas because they were good and reasonable, and it was our own decision to do that, so don't change your mind now that you know they're Divergent and you have a problem with that concept. It doesn't change a thing. It's just a label!"

"How come you don't have a problem with that? They are not Dauntless!"

"They are not Dauntless just because they are something else too? Because of an equal aptitude for another faction?"

It's hard to witness them fighting. I can't stand watching two people shout at each other. It reminds me too much of my childhood. A part of me wants to stop them, even more so as they are basically fighting at least partly about me and what I am.

"It makes them think and act differently! They are not like us." Shauna insists stubbornly.

"Bullshit! Being Dauntless is a choice as much as an aptitude, and they passed initiation just like everyone else. And besides, what could be more Dauntless of them to exchange their lives for those of two others?" Zeke fires back at her.

"They? But he didn't! He didn't go to Erudite!"

"Are you really too blind to see what's obvious? Tris didn't go alone. Why do you think Jeanine let Caleb and Marlene go and not just one of them?"

"Your brother is one of them, too?"

"He's Divergent and he's Dauntless through and through, he's both at the same time. It's just a fucking label they use to make us afraid of them, when in reality they're just like us. So why the hell do you believe that shit? The Shauna I know isn't that stupid!"

"Did you just call me stupid?"

"I said usually you're not, but today you act like it."

"And I can't believe you've been keeping that from me!"

"No! Don't turn things around now. Your reaction right now is why I kept it from you, and also because it's not my decision to tell you, it's Uriah's."

"I need some fresh air!" Shauna concludes, and before anyone can stop her, she's out of the door.

I hate the ugly atmosphere after this fight. I'm not good at dealing with tension like this, I can't support it.

Neither can Zeke, cause he leaves shortly after his girlfriend, excusing himself, "I'm sorry, I need some time alone to calm down. I'll be back soon."

It's a strange situation to sit in their apartment now with both of them gone, just with who's left from our group. How do we go on from here?

"Pencil and paper, please?" Caleb breaks the silence after clearing his throat.

"Sure," I say, thankful for something to do that doesn't seem like an almost impossible task.